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Capone says that Freddie is still his bitch in SCOOBY DOO!

Harry here... Oddly, I'm getting quite a few positive reviews from unknown writers for SCOOBY DOO.... "Plants?" Well, I haven't checked the Miracle-Gro content in the ground, but when all reviews from established known spies seems to be warning of doom, I tend to allow myself to be warned of doom. Meanwhile, I'm in Vegas, where I was getting my funk down with Charo and Tom Jones on an endless parade of alcohol! Wheeeeeee!!!!

Hey, Harry. Capone in Chicago here with a statement I feel I must make. Although it goes without saying, I feel the need the need to reiterate for the purposes of this review: Freddie Prinze Jr. is my bitch. I think my reviews of SUMMER CATCH , HEAD OVER HEELS, and BOYS AND GIRLS speak for themselves, but in case you are new to this site, Junior is my A-Number-1 bitch. I didn’t dabble much in prostitution during my hey-day, but I always made an exception for Junior. He was so pretty that I couldn’t keep him from all those beefy men who lined up around the block to tap a piece of his chiseled ass.

Now, having said that, Junior is not the only reason SCOOBY DOO sucks donkey dick. And having said THAT, I’ll add that Matthew Lillard is surprisingly good as Shaggy. I’m not saying he’s funny or entertaining, but his ability to almost perfectly capture the voice, movements, and facial expressions of the cartoon Shaggy are impressive. This fact doesn’t make the film worth seeing or even worth thinking about for that matter. I’m just throwing it out there as the one thing I was able to cling to while being tortured for the bulk of the 90 minutes that is SCOOBY DOO.

I don’t even know where to begin. The film opens with the end of one of the Mystery Inc. gang’s adventures. The expose faked haunted factory, I think, and then start fighting with each other. The whole gang is mad at Fred (played by Bitch Boy) for taking credit for their heroic efforts. Velma (played convincingly by Linda Cardellini), in particular, is grumpy toward Fred for claiming her plans were his own. Daphne (Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, who shows strong evidence of having lost a considerable amount of her acting talents by working and sleeping with Junior) is embarrassed at always being thought of as the one who gets taken hostage and needs saving. Shaggy and Scooby Doo, well they like everybody and just want to see the gang working together in harmony. There are some pretty overt and funny hints that Shaggy may be a major stoner, something I’ve always suspected. The opening sequence is brought to a screeching halt when Pamela Anderson makes a cameo appearance as herself for no reason. All I could think of was: Junior please kiss her and catch her Hepatitis C. Perhaps inspired by Pam’s annoying appearance, the gang breaks up.

A few months later, all the Mystery crew are invited to the theme park/Spring Break getaway resort Spooky Island by its owner, Mondavarious (the completely wasted Rowan Atkinson), who wants the kids to investigate what appears to be a rash of brainwashing island visitors seem to suffer from as they leave the island. From this point on, the movie makes no sense. The plot is basically an excuse to go from one expensive and elaborate set to another without any of them being particularly scary or interesting. And don’t even get me started on the bizarre looking CG title character. I know it’s not supposed to look like a real Great Dane, but give me a break. The interaction between humans and animated characters looked better in ROGER RABBIT or CLASH OF THE TITANS. In his cartoon form, Scooby seemed like smart dog (the thing could talk, you have to give him some credit), who looked as real as the other characters; here he seems like a Shaggy’s retarded cousin with a glandular problem. The only times I laughed at anything Scooby said were at his attempts to sound more hip and funky: “Keepin’ it real!” Upon reflection, maybe it wasn’t that funny.

At this point, I have to confess, I just lost interest. The meddling kids try to find out who’s behind the brainwashing, but it’s hardly a mystery. There’s this strange part of the film where some of the gang are brainwashed themselves and become asshole versions of their otherwise loveable selves. Velma’s bulky turtleneck sweater suddenly becomes a tight, plunging v-neck; her shapeless figure is elevated by a push-up bra; and she loses her glasses. That’s right, Velma gets hot! Too little too late.

Aside from the mostly bad acting, the movie has no comic rhythm. The very unfunny director Raja Gosnell (HOME ALONE 3, NEVER BEEN KISSED, BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE) has collected a group of equally unfunny actors to create the least funny or entertaining film of the year so far. The bar has been officially lowered for 2002. My spleen will pop out of my body if movie makers make me stoop any lower. There were a few faint whispers of hope when Scooby Snacks appeared on the screen or when Scrappy Doo shows up in a flashback sequence as the object as much hatred as he so rightfully deserves. But these moments of hope were fleeting and had me grasping for anything I might be able to O.D. on (I had to settle for Swedish Fish). Heed my warning, people: SCOOBY DOO is pure, uncut shit. And Freddie? Put on that little red wig you look so good in before I pimp slap you.


Freddie, Call Me!

Readers Talkback
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  • June 11, 2002, 3:18 p.m. CST

    oh man oh man...this movie sounds bad.

    by inkymae

    which is a shame. I've always thought that scooby-doo could have been a really cool live action film. wait, did capone say something about Linda Cardellini in a tight v-neck sweater acting trampy? mmmmm, may not be all bad.

  • June 11, 2002, 3:22 p.m. CST

    for the love of god............

    by cameron fry

    please let the people of hollywood finally realize with this movie sucking that F.P. jr. is not a movie star. He's never had a hit, he's not at all appealing or talented, and if he died tomorrow it would have no impact on anyone (except maybe Buffy, who's a horrible friggin actress too). PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP LETTING F.P. BE IN MOVIES!!!!!!!!

  • June 11, 2002, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Woulda been great....

    by BenBigwig

    If they had made a dark, truly scary movie that also had bits of humor in it, like a PG-13 version of Scream. They should have used a real great dane with an animated mouth like in Cats & Dogs, etc. But they opted for the cutesy, kid appeal, and as a result lost anything that made Scooby-Doo fun to us adults (drug and sexual overtones, etc.). Oh well.

  • June 11, 2002, 3:24 p.m. CST

    benbigwig is so right on!

    by inkymae

    I totally agree. That is exactly what they should have done with Scooby-Doo.

  • June 11, 2002, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Ah yes, "Attack The Of Clones" returns to the talkbacks. . .

    by andrecrabtree111

    . . . courtesy of a moron.

  • June 11, 2002, 3:52 p.m. CST


    by BigTuna

    I know we all hate Freddie but damned that Hepititis C comment was a little harsh.

  • June 11, 2002, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Oooh, ooh, can I be the one to tell Harry to quit picking on Sco

    by akbose01

    I'll be really good at it, I swear. I can say stuff like, "You're just jealous of Freddie" or "You fanboys need to get out of your parents basements and have some sex". Regardless, I would rather see an 80 minutes monkey shit fight than this movie.

  • June 11, 2002, 3:58 p.m. CST

    I'm sure the comments about the Babe-like Scooby-Doo are pur

    by Terry_1978

    it's pretty fucking obvious they couldn't do it like that, what with the Scooby Doo character being as he is...he walks on two legs, does things normal humans do, to an extent......not exactly saying the flick will be good, I'm just saying CGI was the only logical way.

  • June 11, 2002, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Mattel listens...

    by Declan_Swartz

    See how a company than enjoys the billion plus the fans gave them rewards loyalty. New toys, trailer, and info: The pictures of the new toys and prototypes from McFarlane Toys alumni, The Four Horsemen:

  • June 11, 2002, 4:13 p.m. CST

    You say it sucks like it's a surprise....

    by XTheCrovvX

    OK, our first hint came when first reviews of the script came in, and Harry pulled the guns and unloaded without mercy. Second hint came from the now infamous first advance test screening that NOBODY liked. Nobody. Third came from the past year or so....with Warner Brothers trying every single way they can to saturate their markets with Scooby Doo related materials, specials, marathons, aol exclusives, and on and on and on...dont even get me started on how they've been whoring out valuable time on the Cartoon Network whenever possible for Scooby Doo marathons, cheapass movies, and the likes, valuable space that should be used putting Freakazoid back on the air(and no, i dont care if you put it on 5:30 in the morning again, just do it.), saving Invader Zim, and getting more episodes of Batman:TAS in that beautiful 7:30pm Sunday time slot. The "unknown" reviews for this movie? Plants. Dont you ever put a second thought in your mind about it. Warner Brothers has been trying to clear the stench reviewers put up from that first test screening for months. Hopefully to no avail. Only by this movie failing on a Final Fantasy:The Spirits Within grand scale(only this time, the movie actually deserves it) will we avoid this type of barrage occurring ever again. When you enter the theater on friday, do yourself a favor: avoid this thing like the plague, go see Bourne Identity(jury's still out on that movie) or Insomnia, and if you've gotta take kids out, take 'em to see AOTC or Spider-man again. They'll thank you in therapy. Revolution is my name.

  • June 11, 2002, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Capone, we get it.

    by LeeScoresby

    He's your bitch. Because you don't like his films. And because you think it'll score you points with the ladies. For those who just came in, this style of writing is not technically qualifiable as a "review", per se. A more proper name might be "Pathetic tirade oozing weak 'tough guy' patter in place of anything remotely resembling a critique". Personally, I'd like to see "Junior" in a cage match with Mr. Capone. I think he'd use this review to stuff and mount Capone for display.

  • June 11, 2002, 4:28 p.m. CST

    The acting portion of this film....

    by XTheCrovvX

    Just want to save the vitriol from claiming innocent victims here....lets just remember that Freddie Prinze Jr is the sole true black hole of talent in this movie. Lillard's not the best actor on the planet, but pretty much everybody acknowledges that he nails Shaggy. Linda Cardellini was good on Freaks and Geeks, she's just wasted here. But, i cant imagine that a role where Velma is finally given the chance to be the full-on hot mama I always thought she was, over that bimbo Daphne. Speaking of which, SMG really needs to stay on TV. Honestly. Outside of Buffy, her only decent film work was in Cruel Intentions, and though i cant deny having a fuckin' ball with that movie, its nothing special. Other than that, poor Sarah's never gotten that one role that'll help her transcend past the small screen. And its a shame, because any Buffy fan will tell you at the drop of a dime that she can do better. But, as Capone said, sleeping with Junior's obviously been sapping her energy. Anyways...why am i still here? I hate this movie....ech...Revolution is still my name.

  • June 11, 2002, 4:47 p.m. CST

    I just feel sorry for ol Lillard being caught up in all this....

    by empyreal0

    This movie sounds every bit as bad and I'd feared. Poor Lillard; he was really impressive in SLC Punk, so why does he keep costarring with FPJ - (She's All That, Wing Commander, Summer Catch, Scooby Doo...)? I mean, after that string of gems it should be clear to anyone that any project involving FPJ is money down the toilet. The guy really needs a break out role. ...As far as SMG goes, the reviewer is right. She must have caught some kind of debilitating STD that eats away at the brain from sleeping with FPJ, because nothing else can really account for her dramatic loss of acting ability, sickening weight loss, and diminished IQ.

  • June 11, 2002, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Mtoppi has a point...

    by empyreal0

    SMG and Freddie Piss are gonna get married and be Sarah Piss and Freddie Piss. They'll birth and raise a son. And some day, that son will realize what a total ass his father is, and will gain a strange attraction toward his mother (not sure why - I don't think she's the least bit attractive, but bear with me). And you know what this son's name will be? (Don't say I didn't warn you). Ed O Piss.

  • June 11, 2002, 5:10 p.m. CST

    You know, the cartoon pretty much sucked too...

    by James Bond

    So what did you expect? More expensive CGI shit is still shit.

  • June 11, 2002, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Bill Harford, this is exactly the sort of thing I was talking ab

    by Almost Sexy

    Even if it's just coincidence.

  • June 11, 2002, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Scooby Don't

    by TomVee

    We already saw the live-action SD in JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK. We don't need to see them again. Do we? The TV ads look horrible, by the way. The dog is a pure cartoon, which seems strange somehow, as if it doesn't fit in with the rest of the action.

  • June 11, 2002, 5:55 p.m. CST

    Capone you F'in WANKER!!! You are talking about Scooby Doo F

    by rumpieguy

    So stop reviewing it all high and mighty like you were expecting Citizen fucking Kane!! Holy shit is that annoying or what people? Even in your wildest imagination the original cartoon only seems sacred because you were like 6 years old when you watched it. This movie is strictly for the kiddies, I dont care WHAT scooby snacks were "suppossed" to be. Taking pot shots at such an easy target that isnt even marketed for someone your age, is not only pompus and insecure, but totally ridiculous as well. Are you THAT starving for validation? To para-phrase the original cartoon, "If it wasn't for you pompus, MEDDLING talkbackers...this board would be ALOT less annoying!"

  • June 11, 2002, 6 p.m. CST

    Freddie Prinze, Jr. - He's All Right.

    by Monkey Lover

    Goddamn, y'all look so ridiculous slagging off this one dude like he's the anti-Christ. So you didn't like She's All That. Deal with it. And did we ever expect positive reviews of this film to be posted on this website? They've had a campaign to badmouth this movie for about 2 years now. Like they'd decided LOTR was the best movie ever before it came out. If Robert Rodriguez had directed this movie with the exact same script, it'd have been considered great. Bosch!

  • June 11, 2002, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Typical AICN drone...

    by Monkey Lover

    "Oh, man!!! Freddie Prinze Jr. FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!" Why exactly? "Err... LOTR RULEZ!!!"

  • June 11, 2002, 6:26 p.m. CST

    the J&SB Strike Back Scooby Doo sequence is funnier than this

    by TheMatarife

    lol, the cut scene where the Scooby had a stoner boner was the funniest thing ever.

  • June 11, 2002, 6:28 p.m. CST

    Actually, I Freddie for ruining wing commander, he is going to h

    by TheMatarife

    Freddie is a bitch for ruining that series. I loved that game when I was in Jr High. Wing Commander 2 and Privateer were some of the best games ever.

  • June 11, 2002, 6:58 p.m. CST

    My essay, entitled, "Why Freddie Prinze Jr. is the Talkback Anti

    by XTheCrovvX

    Freddie Prinze Jr. is hated for the precise same reasons that one hates N*Sync or the Backstreet Boys or 98 Degrees or any of those snotty-ass pop sensations that just wont go away. The thing is, if he simply had no talent, had his 15 minutes, then just faded out of existence, we wouldnt be riding his ass like we do. But instead, he keeps getting part after part after part after part, and responsible for far too big a portion of the teenybopper pseudo-romance bullshit that saturates the market every year. And when he does get a role that, God forbid, doesn't necessarily rely on a handsome face, he serves as, what i have termed before in this TB, as a black hole of talent. If there's talent in his vicinity, goddammit, he'll suck it. He's a dangerous man, nonbelievers. See, our bitching, while some is rather immature and incredible, serves a purpose. We will not tolerate bullshit if we can smell it in any way shape or form, and Junior has given us nothing BUT bullshit. But with every screaming obsessed teenage girl, every dirty worthless tripe movie, every Teen Choice Award he is given is a stain the fabric of our beloved medium. ::ahem:: Freddie Prinze a cancer on this planet. He is a disease, he's a..plague. And we....are the cure. Um....yeah. But there ya have it. The End.

  • June 11, 2002, 7:08 p.m. CST

    What you're all forgetting...

    by Det. John Kimble

    is that Warner Bros, is counting on us kids who thought that Shaggy was the coolest cat on TV all getting really high, and saying - 'Shit - let's go see Scooby Doo.' Problem is, there's no weed strong enough to make me want to watch shit dry out.

  • June 11, 2002, 7:24 p.m. CST

    GENERAL CUSTER: RE: TPM plot holes

    by frank cotton

    while certainly not a defender of the lukewarm gruel known as TPM, i feel i must point out an obvious point that GIMPLAD seems to have overlooked, as concerns anakin entering pod race, to wit: he had already raced before for watto. while the argument might be made that his mother may not have wanted him to race AT ALL, it would be rather silly for her to object to just the one race. not to mention that he is a SLAVE, and she is a slave, and therefore her opinion as to what she does or does not want him to do is MOOT. those who do not pay attention should keep their mouths shut, unless, of course, they do NOT want to be taken seriously. i look forward to pointing out any future lapses on your part.

  • June 11, 2002, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Now let's get this nice and sparkling clear, shall we?

    by Billy Talent

    'Scooby Doo' is, was, and forever shall be crap. I knew that when I was eight, and I know that today. It's probably been a quarter century or so since some genius had the idea of making a live action film of 'Scooby Doo', and for all of those years in development hell, this movie always sucked. Matthew Lillard can't save it, Freddie Prinze Jr. can't make it very much worse and I can't imagine any good reason why I should ever have to see it.

  • June 11, 2002, 7:43 p.m. CST


    by Jumpstart

    You said Sarah Michelle Gellar can act? Oh no no no, she may be a good Buffy, but that's cause she's had a lot of practice at doing it. She has, however, and I swear I'm not making this up, said that she thinks Junior is a good actor. Anyone who can possibly think that cannot be a good actress herself.

  • June 11, 2002, 8:09 p.m. CST

    This movie never had a chance...

    by Tarl_Cabot

    It was a cheesy cartoon for kids and now we're all late 20's-30's and we expect this movie to entertain us? I could not possibly derive amusement from the original cartoon now nor could I wake up early saturday to watch the Superfriends .If they don't give us adult humor and show shaggy packing a bong it won't be funny-if they do they'd be accused of being irresponsible and that would be a fair judgement. Of course he was a stoner! He was always hungry! There is also a fat Albert movie in the works...Spare us Hollywood! It's pointless. I would like to see a Thundar movie though!That show rocked!

  • June 11, 2002, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Can't catch Hep C from kissing someone

    by no1thrilla

    Dumbass However, if you could, I agree, I wish she'd kiss him and give it to him.

  • June 11, 2002, 8:42 p.m. CST


    by james175

    That's probably the best opinion in the entire talkback. I can't believe I actually read most of them .. ugh ..

  • June 11, 2002, 10:11 p.m. CST

    Video Sales will be good this X-mas

    by warlock411

    The movie sucks, but moms and dads everywhere will give this dog of a movie to all the under 10 rug rats. Then you have all the tie in ( Toys ) can you say Huge Profit. And as long as it makes money we will get more of the tripe.

  • June 11, 2002, 11:43 p.m. CST

    Is this a surprise?

    by Kyuzo

    I have never understood the insitution that is Scooby-Doo. I find it relatively amusing that the TV show existed at one point in time, but actually sitting down and enjoying an episode? Please. Remember those kids in high school who'd wear T-shirts with Goofy Things From the Past emblazoned on them in an attempt to (somehow) look hip? Well, Scooby-Doo is the default Goofy-Thing-From-The-Past for people to look hip promoting. Oh, and as for the "film" itself: it's a kid's movie made by the director of Big Momma's House, and Scooby looks scary as all hell. If there's a kid's TV show that deserves its own movie it's, well... Please don't make any more movies based on kid's TV shows.

  • June 12, 2002, 12:27 a.m. CST

    Scooby Doobie

    by The Feral Kid

  • June 12, 2002, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Scooby Doo

    by HMS White STar

    Well that sucks that P.F. F*cked up a perfectly good movie possibly, bloodly hell. Anyway I am kind of glad that there already a good adaptation of the Scooby Doo on the Big Screen, on Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, I thought that was funny. By now.

  • June 12, 2002, 12:51 a.m. CST

    what is this!?

    by 81666

    i went to a trades show today and saw freddie prinze junior signing autographs and he at least outwardly put a nice guy bill (even though i haven't watched any of his films outside of both ikwydls flicks) and matt lillard looked like he wanted to jump out of a window he was bored. think about this guys, scooby doo was one of the corniest shows ever made, i recently saw something called scooby doo meets the ghoul school. and they started fucking rapping and breakdancing at the end. sure the movie might be horrendous, bu people are gonna go just because they were brainwashed in droves as children just as people can;t let go of their past of star wars and support that horrendous piece of shit AOTC... fuck this! i'm gonna see INSOMINA... fuckers. -81666

  • June 12, 2002, 1:53 a.m. CST

    Forget Scooby-Doo

    by Ribbons

    Have you seen the Buffalo Bills' new uniforms? Bleecchhh!!! My eyes...they burn......

  • June 12, 2002, 4:54 a.m. CST

    Scooby and the Kids

    by SilentJames

    I love Scooby, not the movie the cartoon, I have always loved it---hell in my younger and more naieve years I even tolerated Scrappy. Im now 19 and know better. Anyway this movie could have been a kids movie that EVERYONE could have liked - see harry potter-- but instead the studio went for the ultra-youg demographic leaving all of us Spongebob and Zim followers out to dry. My complaints about the movie arent about the kiddiness of the story I understand its a kid movie but there is absolutely no intelligence in this movie! I mean it is just dumb I mean Dunston Checks In dumb, Air Bud Pi dumb--just dumb. "Let's get jinky with it"? PLEASE! Remeber Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, the Scooby scene, THATS what this movie should have been! Oh well just not for me i guess

  • June 12, 2002, 6:45 a.m. CST

    CAPONE should call Freddy and say:

    by Cyberfury

    Like the rough stuff? Yeah, I bet you do. Like to get down and tussle a little bit? Like me and Tuffy, before she got run over, we use to get down on the floor and tussle. I say to her, "You a good dog, Tuffy, here's a treat for you." And I give Tuffy what every dog love best. You know what that is? A bone. I can give you a bone, too, girl.

  • June 12, 2002, 9:15 a.m. CST


    by Rain_Dog

    I haven't heard the new Celine Dion record, but I'm pretty sure it's a painful, weeping boil on the left arse-cheek of the intelligent record-buying public. Likewise Scooby Doo. If you think that's pretentious and presumptive, well, it probably is. But at least I've got taste.

  • June 12, 2002, 11:33 a.m. CST

    pointless review....

    by Paulie Walnuts

    what is the point in having a review posted on the site when it is simply a vehicle for some 30 year old with no girlfriend to vent his spleen about someone whose success and good looks he is quite obviously jealous of? "let me pimp slap you". how mature. im sure fpj must read that and quake in his boots

  • June 12, 2002, 11:45 a.m. CST


    by yankeessuck

  • June 12, 2002, 1:05 p.m. CST

    devilcat, something like that's gotta be true!

    by yankeessuck

    now that's news.

  • June 12, 2002, 1:47 p.m. CST


    by No. 6

    Iron Maiden Rules! Scooby Poo Sucks ass the likes of which we've not seen since the sickening heyday of Wild Wild West! Why, O ye peoples who finance and APPROVE films to be made (aka PRODUCERS) with such low actors with NO COMIC TALENT! JUST BECAUSE THE ACTORS (barely) LOOK THE PART DOES NOT FUCKING MEAN THEY ARE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR THE ROLE!! Speaking as a comedian myself, NONE of these hacks (save MAYBE the budding talent of Lillard) are funny! THEY ARE ONLY PRETTY FACES! Why not cast Prinze Jr. and the next Bond, for chrissake? He was so heartbroken over not being piced as spider-man because Raimi was so damn S-MART and got an actor who can ACT, and Maguire got the role instead. Capone's right. What a whiny little bitch Prinze Jr. is. Someone slap him for me. Please? Wit sugar on top?

  • First of all, if so damned many AICNers agree this is utter crap, why the hell should I waste my time and money to see it just so I can say I did so I know what I'm talking about? I knew this movie would suck, suck, SUCK when I first heard it was going to be made! I pass on any movie that I read stuff about which sounds like it insults my intelligence, be it a Spielberg film like A.I. or the latest sequel to a favorite series, like Alien 3. ******* As for it just being a kids' movie...why the hell can't Hollywhore STOP handing them imbecilic ca-ca? Kids are growing up fast these days, they're a lot more sophisticated than studios give them credit for. They're not stuck in Tellytubbyland once they start going out to see movies in theaters, but most of what they have to see there is puerile. If ANY kids over the age of five like this movie, I pray to God they never breed.

  • June 12, 2002, 2:15 p.m. CST

    What? You still watch cartoons?

    by Reverendz

    No really. I love the scooby cartoon, but it's shite. I tried watching an episode the other day. It's embarassingly bad by my adult standards. This movie is for kids. That doens't mean they couldn't have made it entertaining for adults, but like the show, they didn't. I defy any of you to claim that your parents were big scooby doo or transformers fans when you were growing up. ***** As to the whole Freddie Prinze Jr. and N'Sync thing. Hate to burst your bubble kiddos, but those guys are talented. No really. I've worked in and around the music and movie industry (strictly small change stuff) and I've seen plenty of musicians and actors and I'm here to tell you that it's not nearly as easy to appear competent, memorize a script, sing on key while dancing around as you might imagine. The vitriol is purely sour grapes IMHO.

  • June 12, 2002, 5:46 p.m. CST

    How To Spot a Studio Plant, Chapter Eighteen

    by Anton_Sirius

    eggshell- "...outside of this site some 70% of reviews indicate that this is an "okay" kids film." Current score for Scooby-Doo on Rotten Tomatoes- 17%. Seventeen, seventy, I guess its an easy mistake to make, if somebody pays you to make it.

  • June 12, 2002, 6:40 p.m. CST

    An observation...

    by The Turd Burgler

    Freddy Prinze Jr. ****************************************************************************************************************************************I really don't have much to say. He's an average actor and people keep throwing money at him. I don't get it but I sure as hell don't lose any sleep over it. It would appear though that Capone has lost sleep and more than a little objectivity in the process. Sure, he reviewed "Scooby Excrement", but he seems a tad obsessive in regards to the late Prinze Sr.'s boy. He's taken great delight in his perceived "failure" of a celebrity who, and let's be honest here, is far too busy having all kinds of sex with SMG and spending his millions to care what some mid-30's parent's-basement-dwelling-overweight-bearded-net-surfer writes on a web-site..................... Damn. That one hit close to home. Hey, Congratulations Capone! I AM THE TURD BURGLER (misspelled for copyright reasons). I am in your Cineplex awaiting the opportunity to limbo under your stall wall and burgle your turds while you sit.

  • June 12, 2002, 8:12 p.m. CST


    by Mutant X

    Turd Burglar, you fucked up the fucking Talkback!!!!!!

  • June 12, 2002, 11:08 p.m. CST

    by hktelemacher

  • June 12, 2002, 11:16 p.m. CST

    "Shaggy may be a major stoner - something I've always suspec

    by hktelemacher

    Brilliant deduction. Thank you for your wonderful insight. The goatee, the laugh, the constant munchies ... Christ, man! This was an observation I discussed with my friends in the 7th grade. I'm glad you were able to grasp that heavily guised secret. And Capone, how exactly is Freddie Prinze your bitch? Because he's a movie star making more money per picture than you'll ever see in your life and he's banging Sarah Michelle Gellar? Yeah, he's got nothing on you. I'm not at all pro-Prinze - I've never even pissed away 90 minutes with any of his movies ... so I guess that makes you my bitch, doesn't it?

  • June 13, 2002, 2:03 a.m. CST

    What's gone wrong with WING COMMANDER

    by Robert Blake

    The games had Mark Hammil, the movie had Freddie Prick Jr. And being a great game designer does not make one a good film director (but it doesn't prevent it either --- see FINAL FANTASY - THE SPIRITS WITHIN).

  • June 13, 2002, 9:01 a.m. CST


    by Mitch Cumstein

    I'm no F.P. Jr. fan but this bashing of him is getting old. You would "bitch slap" him huh? He's your "Bitch", is that right? I love you guys that act so tough behind the safety of your computer screen. I have no doubt Jr. would kick your tired ass, along with all the other dorks and their "cool" aliases. OOOHHH, "Moriarty", I mean McWeeney.

  • June 13, 2002, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Plants in the talkbalk

    by cosmic commando

    Franchise Damage Control Systems operational -HUMMMM; initialising FPJ defensive shields -BZZZZZZZ ... whatever, the films going to be shit, but I bet it's also going to make shitloads.

  • June 13, 2002, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Lillard vs. Knowles, Round 1

    by Escherichia coli

    I don't know if anyone has posted this yet, but i just got my Request Magazine for having a membership at Suncoast (which is getting damn expensive by the way), and in it was an article about the new Scooby-Doo movie. Well, they interviewed Matthew Lillard, and he had some not so good things to say about Harry. This might be a little long, but I think you might like to read an excerpt from it: (Request Magazine)- And Scooby-Doo's older than you. (Lillard)- Oh, absolutely, and its continued on. So with that built-in audience and the amount of money they put into it, and I also think, the quality of the film. I mean, there was a whole thing about the bad buzz that we were getting on the Web, and Warner Bros. was really trying to manage that buzz because...Harry Knowles, this guy, no offense to anyone who works with him...the guy is a plague. (Request Magazine)- What happened? (Lillard)- Well, for some reason, {Knowles} started trashing the movie before he saw it because, obviously, we didn't grease his palm enough. This guy is a hump, he's a mook, and I wish that he would get personal with me because I hate the guy. Well, I don't hate the guy, I don't know him, but what he does to films, and what he represents is horrible. You know, he was like, "Pearl Harbor is the best movie ever made" because they flew him to the premiere. If you're bought...Anyway, I get so angry when I talk about this guy. I just spark. For some reason, this guy has power, and publish this: I think that the guy is a hump. The guy is being bought out...I have no idea why the Hollywood institution likes this guy, but for some reason, it takes Hollywood six years to catch up and for some reason, they think that he's responsible for Blair Witch. Well, he's not. Blair Witch was responsible for Blair Witch; my sister was responsible for Blair Witch. You know, hire my sister. (End of the Harry part of the article). Boy, that just lowered my outlook on Lillard, not that I thought that he was great to begin with. I will admit that he has more talent then Prinze, but not much. I have been a loyal reader of this site for a long time, not long after it went up I think. And this is only about the 5th time I have written back. That article made me mad. Harry is not a sellout. Yes, he does get invited to some great places, like New Zealand for the Lord of the Rings, and such. But to me, that's not any different from a video game company sending out copies of their newest games to Video Game magazines months before the rest of us can get their hands on them, just hoping that the magazine will publish a rave review of their game, and all the people who read the magazine will want to buy the game. It's pretty much the exact same thing here. If Harry likes what he sees, he will say good things about it. But he is not bought out. I clearly remember McTiernan inviting him over to catch his version of Rollerball long before it hit theaters, and Harry wrote a scathing review of what he saw, and damn if he wasn' right (I saw it in a dollar theater, and most of the audience was laughing uncontrollably when they weren't suppposed too). I can't think of any other times off the top of my head where Harry got to see if first, but I know if he doesn't like it, he isn't going to give it a good review because he isn't bought out. And for Scooby-Doo, there are reasons that Harry was giving bad buzz about the movie several months ago. First of all, developing a cartoon into a live-action movie hasn't worked very well yet (The Flinstone's movies and Space Jam come to mind), and I think that Harry was able to read the script, which apparently was quite awful and didn't capture any of the "magic" or "originality" of the cartoon. Then, they get an extremely unproven director attached to this movie, who so far, has only the very awful Big Momma's house, the yawn-inducing Never Been Kissed, and a Home Alone 3. Nothing to show that he has any talent whatsoever. Next, they start to hire some of the least talented people they can find to star in the movie, which of course includes Prinze and Lillard, two of the dullest, brainless and non-talented hacks of the 90's to star in it. And if the comedic timing of Gellar is anything like it was in the MTV movie awards, then she will be just as awful in this movie. Plus knowing that Warner Bros. is wanting to develop this as a franchise, which means that they will be pumping out these as fast as they can without regard to scripts, acting, special effects, originality, etc., just to earn as much money as possible before kids get sick of it (ie: Pokemon). Gee, I wonder why Harry was giving it such negative buzz. I would too. As for Harry, keep up the good work on this site man, it's the only one I read every day. I'm 100% behind you, and you are not a sellout. And if you do need anyone to take out that dim-witted Lillard, I can get some of my other bacteria friends to give him a nasty case of gonorrhea or syphilis. Escherichia coli has spoken, sorry about the ranting.

  • June 13, 2002, 3:50 p.m. CST

    AICN Geeks & This couldn't be worse than Attack of The Clone

    by WoodyStiffer

    It's truly sad how people so venemously attack FPJ. If you don't like his movies, critique them, but that's no reason to attack the person - is it jealousy or what? Give it a rest already. Fat Boy Harry and his geek minions are in love with every new Star Wars Crapfest that comes out, their opinions are worthless - i'd wait for real reviews before deciding on this one.

  • June 13, 2002, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Not a kid's movie, not anybody's movie

    by TimBenzedrine

    This is to all of you studio whore/plants out there who have been directed to defend this cinematic turd: I am tired of being told that this is a kid's movie. As a parent, I am telling you right now that I will never take my child to see this film, and I urge other responsible parents to do the same. But , you might ask," How can I do that? My kid has seen the ads and really wants to go. He/she has been whining to to see this film ,and they won't stop until they do." Well, here's what I do. I tell them" no." Now , you might be thinking, "I can't do that . They'll hate me." First of all, as a parent who has to use the word "no" on a daily basis for a variety of reasons,I can tell you it wouldn't hurt if some of you parents learned to say it more often. If you feel the need to offer them an explanation, simply tell them the truth : "This is a bad movie. It was made by bad people who only want to take our money . There are other movies out there we can see. Movies that don't feature bad people doing bad things while pretending to be your favorite cartoon character." Then take them to another movie,or, don't go to a movie at all, take them to the park and play, take them to the library, or spend a few hours involved in some other activity, enjoy your time with your kids. The simple fact is, and this is something the movie studios that make these cynical toy commercials don't want you to consider: You don't need to see this film. The ads and the trailers have already told you all you need to know about this it. This isn't a kid's movie, this isn't The Wizard of Oz, or Charlotte's Web, or The Dark Crystal, or Willie Wonka , or Toy Story or any number of films that were crafted with the actual intent of entertaining a young mind. Before you hop up and say, "Oh come on, this is just mindless entertainment. It don't mean no harm."Think to yourself, if that's true , then why bother with it ? Does your young child need to hear drug jokes,or watch a "Hilarious"five minute farting match involving two of your child's favorite cartoon characters? Is this the image you want to have burned into your kid's mind? Both you and your kid have managed to get by without having to submit to these things. Trust me, you both can live without it. Don't take your kid to see this movie. Send a message to these studios that you deserve better.

  • June 14, 2002, 1 a.m. CST

    I dont car what you say; Freddie Rulez!

    by KewlKat

    Are you blind? He is so cute, with those innocent eyes and reluctant grin! (sarcasm) He should've been cast as Spider-Man like he droolingly wanted to! (sarcasm) I just hope someone wises up and realizes he could play a hunky, smart, well acted captain america, to whom he bears an incredible resemblance! (not wait. sarcasm)

  • June 16, 2002, 1:59 a.m. CST

    I took my son to see this movie around 3:00pm this afternoon....

    by Dr strange

    and it's now nearly 2:00AM in the morning and I've still got the shits.

  • June 16, 2002, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Uh...dude I don't think that's the title of Episode III

    by screenplaywriter

    The title is probably going to be along the lines of "Fall of the Republic" or "The Rise of the Sith", or something like that. Also, we get the point everyone "Scooby-Doo" sucks that's why I advise you to check out a kick-ass action/war flick "Windtalkers" it's the shit!

  • June 16, 2002, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Windtalkers should be #1!

    by screenplaywriter

    "Windtalkers" should be #1 not this horrid piece of shit!

  • June 17, 2002, 6:04 p.m. CST


    by BigW