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MORIARTY Has Seen ATTACK OF THE CLONES!! And, Yes, Yoda ROCKS!!!

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

It’s 5:00 in the morning. I’ve just finally gotten comfortable enough to sit down and actually write about seeing STAR WARS EPISODE II ATTACK OF THE CLONES.

I’ll give you the short version first, completely spoiler-free: I think it’s a great STAR WARS movie, a hell of a good ride, and well worth your time. See it in a digital house if at all possible. And, yes, it’s true... Yoda owns your weak ass.

But, hey... I’ve never really been about the short version, have I?

Let me back up a few days. A friend of mine died.

It was just that sudden. I’m still a little numb at the idea of it. This was a guy who I owe a pretty sizable bit of gratitude. Last year, he took a chance on my writing partner and myself and hired us to do a job. One of the reasons we first hit it off was because of how big a film geek he was. Our first meeting was at the Norm’s in Santa Monica, just around the corner from his office. Our long lunch started out about business, with him talking to me about a sample script he’d read and us talking about what properties his company was working on, and we did the typical sort of square dance you do in those types of meetings, and then because we had a full lunch to kill, our conversation... drifted. Drifted to films we loved. Mutual geek favorites. And inevitably, our conversation drifted to STAR WARS.

I’ve never made any bones about this. The only reason you have ever read a single word I’ve written was because of STAR WARS. That is what led me, by whatever path, here. It was... formative. There’s no other word for it. The first film is burned into me chemically. The second film is one of my very favorite things ever. Not just movies, but things. I’m including stuff like fire and penecillin on that list. EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, electricity, the fork, Doc Martens. I mean deep abiding love.

JEDI... not so much. It’s got its moments. Don’t get me wrong. When it works, it works, but it’s a little schizo. PHANTOM MENACE... I’m still where I was when I first saw it. I think it’s got things to like, and things to not. There are things that drive me crazy when rewatching them. Of course, I’m rewatching them, so that says something.

And whenever I meet another STAR WARS fan, we do the same thing. We compare standings for the films. “EMPIRE, A NEW HOPE, JEDI, MENACE.” “EMPIRE, A NEW HOPE, MENACE, JEDI.” “Oh, you’re crazy.” And just like that, we’ve got a whole vocabulary that opens up between us. For guys my age, it’s pretty much a given that STAR WARS is where you started. I literally don’t remember seeing films before STAR WARS. I did. I know which ones they were (some of them, anyway), but I don’t remember seeing them.

And as he and I had that first STAR WARS conversation, we clicked. The lunch wrapped up slowly, and when I talked to my managers afterwards, I told them that I thought it went well. He must have thought so, too. We kept in touch after that, and when the right project came up, we pitched it a few times, and he took us in to his boss, where we pitched again. He was incredibly supportive, and helped us prep for the meetings by really talking with us. In the end, we got hired.

The whole time we were working with him, STAR WARS would come up frequently. We used it to refer to the ways certain characters behaved or the way a situation unfolded. “This is his “Old Ben Kenobi” scene. We don’t know who he is yet. He’s playing with us.” “I don’t know, dude... smells like Ewoks to me.” And he was well aware of my day gig, of the constant stream of spoiler information that would cross my desk as Moriarty, and he was shameless about asking for info. He was a spoiler junkie, and he would go cold turkey for weeks at a time before calling to ask me to spill whatever I knew. I love being the underground STAR WARS dealer for my close friends. It’s fun. And when someone gets as excited as he did, it only fuelled my own desire to see the new film.

And then last week, from out of the blue, my manager calls me to tell me that our friend had died.

And I can hear it in his voice, how shocked he is. And when I tell my writing partner, I hear it in my own voice. Shock. Disbelief.

He’s my age. He was my age. He just got married. This is a great guy we’re talking about, young, with nothing but future. I know about accidents, sure, but this is different. This feels random in a different way. It’s not supposed to happen like this. I had my friend on my call list for STAR WARS tickets, to see if he wanted to join us, and where he wanted to see the midnight show first night. He was supposed to see EPISODE II. The anticipation was cautiously building in him the more he heard.

And as I sat in the theater today and the 20th Century Fox logo came up, it was my friend I was thinking of. I can’t explain it. It was an emotional reaction that kicked in, totally unexpected. I was thinking of how strange fate is. I was thinking about how far I’ve come with STAR WARS films marking milestones along the way. And I thought, “There’s no way I’m going to be able to focus on this film. There’s no way I’m going to be able to pay attention.”

It is a testament to the accomplishment of George Lucas and all of his artistic collaborators on AOTC that the next 2 hours and 21 minutes simply flew by, and I found myself transported almost entirely. This is a remarkable piece of visual imagination, not like anything I’ve seen before. It is unique to the series, even as it manages to feel like STAR WARS, heart and soul.

And it’s nowhere near perfect. Flaws the size of glaciers. Just so’s you know.

But I don’t care. I really don’t. How much you care is going to be up to you. In my opinion, the good outweighs the bad like Harry Knowles versus Warwick Davis. There’s a lot to like here, and if you want to get hung up on things, that’s cool. I’ll just shove past you on my way in to see the film for the fourth time.

I don’t know anyway to do this without giving away spoilers, and I don’t really feel like being cautious. If you don’t want to know anything, then now’s the time to go ahead and quit reading.

























You’re still here? I guess that means you don’t spoilers. I can tell you this... I wish I’d know less about the film going into it. I wish I’d had more surprises. I’m still serious when I saw “Spoiler-Free for EPISODE III,” and even moreso after decompressing with a friend following the film. “I knew every single thing that was going to happen in that movie,” he said to me, positively downcast. “That was... disappointing.”

So let me say this again... there are spoilers coming. Big giant hairy ones. Run. RUN, DAMN YOU, RUN!!

























Okay. You’re on your own, hoss.

This film, much more than THE PHANTOM MENACE, is a blast to watch unfold. The joy of the film is the rather circuitous way the story unfolds. There are some narrative beats that are quite nice, especially since not everything has been wrapped up by the end of the film. For example, I have one big question, and I think it will HAVE to be addressed in EPISODE III:

Why did the Tuskens take Shmi Skywalker, and more importantly, why did they keep her alive?

When that question is answered in the next film, I suspect some people will have to die. I suspect there will be great wellsprings of rage unleashed by a certain future Man In Black. Someone is going to pay. There is a moment here where Anakin unleashes his anger, and it’s a terrible thing. When he talks about it later, it’s chilling:

”I killed them. I killed all of them. Not just men. Women. Children. They’re animals. And I slaughtered them... like animals.”

One thing’s for sure... this one’s not just for the eight year olds in the audience.

The film gets off to a great start with a long, beautiful sequence of a ship approaching Coruscant, skimming along the cloud layer, the very tops of various gigantic structures erupting from the cover, almost like a schooner navigating a chain of tiny islands. It lands, and as people start to disembark, Captain Typho (Jay Laga’aia) says something to the effect of, “Thank god nothing happened...” and then a bomb goes off.

It’s a startling, effective way to start the film, and it’s a reminder that there are more ways to fight a war than face to face. ATTACK OF THE CLONES deals with two major offensives, one fought on Geonosis, and the other fought in the shadows of the Galaxy. The sad part is, the Republic isn’t ready for either conflict, and they pay the price. The film gets moving quickly, with Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) and Yoda (Frank Oz and Rob Coleman’s digital animation team) going to consult with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) about the attempt on Senator Padme (Natalie Portman) Amidala’s life. These scenes are mainly exposition, a sort of slow immersion into the world of STAR WARS. I know that, for me, there’s always a few minutes of euphoria at the start of a STAR WARS film just because it’s a freakin’ STAR WARS film. It takes me a little time to settle in, and the film itself is a little spastic up front.

For me, things started to click just before the first big action sequence got underway. The soundtrack cut “Zam The Assassin and the Chase Through Coruscant” is 11:07, and it plays long. Not in a bad way... it’s just that so often, we’re used to seeing a film get to a big FX moment and then rush through it. This takes its time, and the glimpse we’ve gotten before of Coruscant turns into a nice long leisurely stare. Impossibly vertical, a bright and shining version of Ridley Scott’s oft-imitated BLADE RUNNER cityscapes or Besson’s candy-colored Moebius metropolis in THE FIFTH ELEMENT, this is alive in a way that only George Lucas could ever afford. ILM doesn’t just raise the bar in this film; they have graduated to a different game than anyone else is playing. I love WETA and the effects work in LORD OF THE RINGS, but one of the reasons for that is the almost handmade quality of it. It feels like the ultimate marriage of low-tech and high-tech trickery. Lucas, on the other hand, doesn’t have any interest in low-tech anymore. When you see this film, get ready; this is your first look at the Hollywood of the future.

I saw the film at the Loew’s Century City Cineplex, the one at the ABC Entertainment Center, and it was presented digitally. I know there’s been a lot of debate about whether or not digitial project is “as good as” film or even better, and many people have dismissed the technology, saying it’s still too young. Hogwash, I say. Unmitigated balderdash. Digital projection and digital photography come of age on May 16th, and to steal a phrase from another outer space franchise, “Resistance is futile.” There is a clarity of image, and a depth of field to the environmental work done by ILM, that is almost 3-D in intensity. When Anakin takes a swoop and heads out into the late-evening sunlight of Tattooine, there is an epic quality to the imagery that suggests a truly alien landscape. This is not Earth. This is not Monument Valley. This is not some Spanish plain we’ve seen in a dozen other films. It’s a completely “other” place, and the actors are integrated seamlessly. Shooting every element digitally seems to have actually made compositing more consistent. There’s a sense that everything we’re seeing is of the same world. The robots, the CG aliens, the spaceships overhead, the magnificent vistas, and even the rooms themselves. The actors vanish into this world that Lucas has constructed in a way that reminds me of the reason we go to movies. It’s like time travel and teleportation and the portal from BEING JOHN MALKOVICH all rolled into one when it works best.

The romantic story thread is going to take the most fire, and deservedly. It’s like pretty much all Hollywood romance: all shortcuts and soulful looks, with tortured confessions of all-consuming emotion as both young lovers pout and preen in equal measure. It’s really not much deeper as a romance than your average Freddie Prinze Jr. film to start. But something changes midway through the film, and in the second half, things pay off. Padme sees Anakin through the darkest moment of his life. She’s the one person who knows the truth about him, and her reaching out to him is a gesture that falls in line with what we’ve seen about her nature. She wants to save this little boy she met so long ago, save him from his own pain and anger. She falls in love with the young man who protects her, who saves her life, but the entire time, it’s as if she already knows that they’re doomed, like she’s seen episodes 4-6, and she’s just trying to stave off the inevitable.

I’m sorry... I know I’m sort of bobbing and weaving my way through this one. It’s just there’s so much to discuss about this film, and sitting and listening to the Williams score, all sorts of impressions of the movie come rushing back. Which, of course, brings up the score itself. This is the second finest overall composition for the STAR WARS series, I’d say. It’s a tremendously evocative score, the soul of the film. Williams is in a playful mood here, like the moment with the interrupted kiss on Naboo, when the score itself hesitates, surprised. He’s woven in themes from the original trilogy, drawing us towards what we know is coming. The Emperor’s theme, Yoda’s theme, the Imperial March... they all show up here as well as Duel of the Fates, the strongest piece from EPISODE I’s otherwise limp score, and there’s the sweeping, lovely “Across The Stars,” the love theme from this film, standing tall alongside all those other pieces. It’s as if Williams was busy quoting his earlier, seminal STAR WARS work, and he simply clicked back into the mindset in a very, very particular way. He’s always been a major part of the allure of the films, and he’s done some of the best work of his career here, inspired and fresh even after all this time.

One of the things Williams does that’s so important is give inner life to Anakin Skywalker, and he’s as key to the success of the performance as Hayden Christensen is. I thought Hayden’s performance in LIFE AS A HOUSE was mannered, but interesting, and I could understand why Lucas chose him. He gives good sullen. More than that, though, his smile is a secret weapon. This kid can be petulant, arrogant, irritating, and then he flashes that smile, and everything’s forgiven. One of the revelations of the movie for me is that Anakin Skywalker never turned into Darth Vader; he simply always is Vader. It’s not a process where suddenly one person becomes someone else. His values are set very early on. There’s a great scene between Hayden and Portman in front of a beautiful vista of waterfalls, where he reveals the drive to dominate people “for their own good,” a deeply rooted belief that someone has to tell people what to do. When he’s talking to her, it’s easy to picture Vader’s Super Star Destroyers surrounding a planet, enforcing some whim of the Emperor. Later, he see how willing he is to let emotion get the better of him, how nothing is important to him when he is in the grips of some powerful feeling, whether it’s anger or love or fear. He is a slave to how he feels. It’s no wonder he was the perfect vessel for the Dark Side.

Lucas has often been accused of fingerpainting the emotional complexities of his films in simple blacks and whites, but this is a film where the whole world is carved in shades of grey. There is one truly “bad guy” in the film, a master manipulator with the political reach of an octopus, his hand behind pretty much everything that happens in the film. But the so-called “good guys” in this film aren’t spotless and pure and bland. The Jedi Order itself, one of the flagbearers of “good” in the films, is shown to be sluggish, arrogant, too sure of itself. They are manipulated precisely because they’re so sure they can’t be manipulated. After all, the Jedi Mind Trick only works on weak minds. Only someone weak could be manipulated, right? Jocasta Nu (Althea McGrath) scolds Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), a smile fixed on her face as she does so. “If a planet isn’t in the Jedi Archives, then it doesn’t exist.” The fact that she’s wrong is later figured out by children, a particularly telling comment, I thought. Yoda seems delighted when the “younglings,” as he calls them, are able to see through the mystery that stumped the Keeper of the Archives, but he later observes that arrogance has become a problem for more and more of the Jedi ranks. He knows the end is coming, and knows that they may well be powerless to stop it.

Ahhhhh... Yoda. Speaking of. I’m going to propose something radical here, but before I do, you have to realize that my two favorite characters from the Original Trilogy are Chewbacca and Yoda. In particular, the Yoda of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. He was creepy and moody and pissy and cantankerous and not remotely cute or Muppetty. The work that Stuart Freeborn and Frank Oz did in bringing him to life was remarkable, and there are few things in film that make me happy the way the scene where Yoda raises Luke’s X-Wing from the swamps of Dagobah made me happy. He is an actor in that film, not an effect, and I was praying for at least a glimpse of that this time out.

I got a hell of a lot more than a glimpse.

Yoda is one of the stars of this movie. He is in most of this movie, with a fairly active role. He is important to the plot, a key player. He is an action hero and a spiritual leader as the Republic crumbles around him. He is everything I could have hoped for from the character as a fan.

And I propose the Academy nominate Rob Coleman and Frank Oz for Best Supporting Actor next year to reward the effort.

This is that day where we have to ask the question: who is the performer in the case of a CGI character? Is it the person who does the voice? Because that’s only part of it, to my way of thinking. Animators have always been performers. They have to understand the subtle nuances that make up great performance if they are going to illustrate it. They must appreciate the value of every raised eyebrow, every wan half-smile, the body language of a moment. Rob Coleman’s work on Yoda is spectacular. He gets the little things right, like the way Yoda’s rubber ears would wiggle as Frank Oz moved him. There’s a great sort of sour face that Yoda makes when he’s using The Force or when he’s irritated that Coleman gets perfectly right. His hands, his face, his whole carriage... set free now. He’s so much more expressive, yet somehow he retains the spirit of the actual puppeteering that defined the character in the first place. I thought the Yoda puppet looked stoned in the first film, and found him to be one of the biggest disappointments of the whole movie. Now, not only has he been redeemed, but he’s been elevated. We understand why he is called “Master” finally.

And the scene... the big scene that everyone’s already bookmarked as “the” scene of the movie... well, it lives up to the hype. Yoda versus Count Dooku may well be my favorite image from any STAR WARS film, something I can honestly say I never imagined. Dooku is a figure of genuine menace, his powers established firmly by the time Yoda arrives, but he is nothing next to the might of the little green giant. What could have been funny or silly or absurd is intead moving and powerful and hysterically cool all at once. It’s the summer’s kick to beat, and no one’s got the ammunition to do it. I’m going to have to see this film about a dozen times just to get this particular Scooby Snack. Everything else is just bonus as far as I’m concerned.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that this is like PHANTOM MENACE, where Darth Maul was a great last-act presence who was basically just waiting around for the rest of the movie. This film makes the most of Yoda throughout, and puts the rest of the cast to equally good work.

McGregor is reliable and solid and witty, and he definitely plays it like a guy who is getting genuinely tired of the responsibility of training Anakin. He’s not just an Padawan, and Obi-Wan’s not just any master. The shadow of Qui-Gon Jinn hangs over both of them, always present, always reminding the both of them of a promise made over a dying man’s body. Anakin bristles constantly under Obi-Wan’s attention, and in private, he curses his master even as he calls him “my father.” Obi-Wan obviously feels great affection for his apprentice, but he is also exasperated, even exhausted. He complains constantly to Mace Windu and Yoda about Anakin and his temperament, to no avail. And in the heat of battle, he often has to babysit Anakin, making sure he doesn’t spin wildly out of control.

Christopher Lee is magnificent as the mysterious Count Dooku, a resigned Jedi, Qui-Gon’s one-time master. He has a scene with Obi-Wan that is wonderful, a testament to how much menace can be built simply by performance, without any other tricks to help out. Lee radiates power, barely kept in check, ready to strike at the slightest provocation. When he unleashes the full range of his abilities, he’s Dracula and Saruman rolled into one, and Lucas and Robin Gurland deserve credit for having had the inspiration to cast him at all.

I’m not as sure what Jimmy Smits is doing in the film. He’s a placemarker, a visual cue that Bail Organa is probably going to have a bigger role next time out. He’s not in enough of the film to really judge, one way or another. One thing’s for sure... in space, no one looks cool in a turtleneck. Jar-Jar Binks (voiced again by Ahmed Best) is back, also in a very brief role, and I actually found him less annoying than C-3PO (the omnipresent Anthony Daniels) in the overall movie. Jar-Jar plays a crucial role here, one that he doesn’t realize he played. Manipulating the Jedi is a process that takes years and years of careful positioning and planning, while manipulating one poor confused Gungan can be done quickly, in the course of one fateful conversation. And once he plays his role, things are set into motion that cannot be stopped. He’s a tragic figure here, while C-3PO is supposed to be this film’s comic relief.

Let me be quite clear: George is not a funny man.

In particular, there are two jokes in this film, back to back, both delivered by C-3PO in the battle arena, that are so monstrously awful that I wish I could personally supervise their removal before the release of the film. I’d like to make sure that the footage is destroyed, so it can’t be put back into the film to retroactively crap up the movie later. It’s shamefully bad stuff.

Of course, to put it in perspective, it’s two lines. It’s less than 10 seconds of total screen time. And the larger sequence that it’s part of, the Battle Of Geonosis, is so spectacular that only a total moron would harbor any sort of larger grudge. I’d much rather focus on that spectacular conflict, and on the way the film’s last act is built. I’d much rather marvel at something that comes as close as possible to rekindling my initial marvel at the world that Lucas created as is possible, I think.

When I said in my script review for ATTACK OF THE CLONES that the title would seem like the only possible title after seeing the film, I had no idea how accurate that was. Reading that final battle and seeing it don’t compare in any way. This is BLACK HAWK DOWN with droids and Jedi and Clonetroopers and lasers and lightsabers and missles and transports and... and there’s just so much stuff! And it’s so amazing, so overwhelming in scale, and the moments like the big round ship crashing back to the surface or the hazy sort of hand-held moment where there’s so much dust that everything is red, they’re all so amazing, so convincing, that it makes you want to run outside afterwards and just get in line to see it again. This is a war, face to face, that we’ve never seen played out like this in these films. And it’s still just a warm-up for the real Clone War ahead. Yoda says as much in the film’s final moments. As bad and as crazy and as out of control as this seems, this is just the prelude to the coming Purge of the Jedi, and the official birth of the Empire. Those events, still to come in EPISODE III, seems so ripe with potential that I get giddy even contemplating the wait from now until 2005. I’m full of questions now... right this moment... like, for example...

Whose voice yells out “No, Anakin, no!” after Yoda’s vision of the Tusken slaughter? Is it Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan? Is it a voice from the past, the future, or from another plane?

I feel like I could just go on and on. I haven’t even mentioned Jango Fett (Temeura Morrison) and his son Boba (Daniel Logan), or how good I think Morrison is in the film, or how nice the chemistry between them seems, or how Boba plays almost like a variation on Butch from the old LITTLE RASCALS films, a sneering punk just begging for someone to bloody his nose. The way he laughs as his father tries to kill Obi-Wan, the way he operates a weapon system he can’t even see to fire, he’s just trouble. The final image of him in the movie is beautiful, the best of the proposed versions I read and heard.

I haven’t talked about all the sequences that we know were filmed that simply aren’t in the movie, implying that we’ll probably see some great DVD extras later this year. I didn’t miss anything that was cut. I knew it was gone, but many of the edits seem to have really helped accelerate the film. I’ve said before that THE PHANTOM MENACE plays like a series of meetings, and the beginning of this film seems like it could be more of the same. Many meetings are taken here, no doubt. But Lucas remembered to open it up, to give us real experiences this time. It’s not just going and coming and flying and landing and walking and talking and leaving again.

I love the way Lucas seems to really enjoy his own set pieces this time out. The droid factory on Geonosis, added late in production, is a perfect example. Like some lunatic live-action version of the pot-pie machine from CHICKEN RUN, this sequence seems designed just to let Lucas play with environment. There’s a dozen different things going on, and he has fun with all of them. In the battle arena itself, each of the different creatures is a distinct type of beast, and Padme, Obi-Wan, and Anakin all come up with different approaches to their problems. The cross-cutting is fun here. Everything’s worth paying attention to, so you don’t have sequences where you’re just waiting to get back to the Darth Maul fight, where the cross-cutting draws you out of some key bit of momentum. Instead, Lucas gives you too much to look at. You end up feeling overloaded on first viewing. You hardly know where to look at any given moment. I can’t wait to see what sort of easter-eggs sharp-eyed viewers start picking out of the film as it plays out its run. I know I’ll be seeing it many times, trying to soak it all in.

I haven’t talked about how incredibly poised Samuel L. Jackson is as Windu. I haven’t talked about the incredible seismic charges in the asteroid sequence and that sound they make. I haven’t talked about the always outstanding work of Ian McDiarmid, once again talking out of both sides of his mouth, lying with the greatest sincerity possible. I didn’t get to mention how great Watto is in his one scene, how heartbreakingly scuzzy he’s become. I didn’t bring up Dexter Jettster and the delightful animation of his character, right down to the hitching up the pants before tucking his gut into a booth across from Obi-Wan. I didn’t even hint at how cool the Kaminoans are as they seem to glide in slow-motion through ever scene, or how intense the battle is on the landing platform between Obi-Wan and Jango.

But that’s the great thing, isn’t it? I’m this far into the review, and I’m hard-pressed to talk about what I didn’t like. I could talk about how weak some of the dialogue is, or how I think Natalie Portman gives a boring and, at times, wholly unbelievable performance. I could, but all this great stuff keeps crowding it out, and I feel like the Grinch, like my little black heart is just so full of rediscovered STAR WARS love that it’s growing, swelling, and I’m practically evangelical. I want to see this film over and over opening weekend with all of my friends. My birthday is the 26th, and it looks like we’re going to try to see WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? at the El Capitan to celebrate, but otherwise, it looks like I’ve got a new habit to support, a junkie itch I thought I’d licked years ago. STAR WARS is back in all its glory, and all true fans are going to feel the warm thrill of an almost existential sigh of relief when they crowd theaters for that opening weekend rush. I’ll be there, and I can’t wait to share the feeling with all of you.

Oh... and just for the record... I think Leon would have fucking loved this movie. Godspeed, buddy.

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback
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  • May 9, 2002, 3:35 a.m. CST

    People who say FIRST are lame.

    by Darth Melkor

    Right on Moriarty and sorry about your loss. We've all had it in some form or another. I fortunately have never lost a close friend as you have, but I can imagine. This review to me is what Star Wars is all about. It's more than just a movie. It's an escape and that's all it's ever been.

  • May 9, 2002, 3:43 a.m. CST

    Your the saving grace of AICN

    by PharaohX

    What a great review. Direct, poingant, and honest. It felt like my best friend was trying to descibe it to me. Its too bad. I can't trust Harry anymore because he's become a studio whore and loves everything. Thank you for your opinion.

  • May 9, 2002, 3:53 a.m. CST

    I love Natalie Portman..What the hell happened??

    by MentallyMariah

    I noticed in Ep One she gave a woody, I meant wooden performance and now I hear she sucks in this one..Judging from the trailers I am not surprise but Man If Kirstin Dunst can give a warmth and depth to Spiderman, I am quite surprised that someone as talented as Natalie could give such a lifeless perfomance in such a big epic movie! Oh well, go back to making tearjerkers Miss Portman!

  • May 9, 2002, 4:06 a.m. CST

    Star Wars

    by Napolean Solo

    May the force be with you... all of you

  • May 9, 2002, 4:08 a.m. CST

    Thank you, Jade Fox.

    by CranialLeak

    Thank you.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:10 a.m. CST

    Kudos Moriarty.

    by sparticusmaximus

    Sweet review......from the heart.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:14 a.m. CST

    Well, I had to stop reading at the spoiler warning

    by St Buggering

    But still, the fact that Moriarty liked it works as a reccomendation for me. Like Moriarty, I can overlook flaws, however sizable, if the film in total is enjoyable. Now, a lot of people have already decided to hate it. Hell, a lot of people had already decided to hate the whole damn trilogy before "The Phantom Menace" came out. Fine by me; it makes the lines infinitessimally shorter. I'm looking forward to this, and I'll probably enjoy the hell out of it. Am I fooling myself? Maybe. But I'd rather err on the side of having a good time than wasting emotional energy on hatred, especially over something as minor as a movie. In short, everybody relax. You'll enjoy life more.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:18 a.m. CST

    AND THE AWARD FOR BEST REVIEW OF THE CENTURY GOES TO...

    by thx777b

    DREW MCWINNY! I didn't wait for this coming. This review is the best dman review i have ever read since...since...since...Harry's Fight Club review. This is what dreams are made of, this is what magic is all about. I am writing this while listening to John Williams masterful Across the Stars theme and all it comes ot my mind is that if Moriarty is half believing what he wrote then we are set for the biggest and most accelarating film of the year. I never lived the 1977 apocalipse, i wasn't there in 1980 to widness the second coming and i wasn't there in 1983 when the first trilogy, but not the saga, came to an end! Yes i lived the special editions but that was not enough. In 1999 i was confused, i didn't know if i loved or hated Episode I. Now i know i enjoy it but don't love it. I hope George Lucas makes me feel 11 again, i hope he makes me want to buy every ticket of every god damn screening out there! PLease if there is a hight power now it is the time to show us a sign. MAke this be beyond our wildest wet and magical dreams. Fuck you Moriarty fuck you mna, because you don't realise what have you done...I can't wait for May 17th(thats when we are getting it here damn)I am thinking of taking hostage the mulitplex and watching it now! I CAN't BLOODY WAIT...And damn you man i may be going on a date on Friday and i'll be thinking of is STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES................... George Lucas if you don;t faile me i will make you a fucking statue man! P.S. YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA yoda yoda yoda yoda YODA YODA TODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA YODA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

  • May 9, 2002, 4:19 a.m. CST

    And Moriarty, about your loss

    by St.Buggering

    I know how that is. I lost a seventeen-year-old cousin to leukemia. At times like that, nothing seems to make very much sense. It's nice to have something that allows you to escape from such thoughts, however briefly. I wish you luck with the next few months.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:22 a.m. CST

    How about we kick Harry out and give Drew the site?

    by PharaohX

    Lets allow Harry to go be Toros cum bucket like he wants, and let Drew take over. Hell, I AVOID Harry at this point because of the fear he'll tell me another life story I don't care about or compare a film to clits. Stupid fatass. Drew is the future of this site!

  • May 9, 2002, 4:35 a.m. CST

    Thanks Moriarty

    by whirlyreel

    Despite themselves I'm hearing critics saying "fans'll love this even if we find some flaws". This is going to be a wonderful, rich, kick-ass experience. Hell, we'll be so caught up in it that we'll feel sorry for the mess that silly Gungan guy makes...can't remember his name, sorry.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:51 a.m. CST

    First...just for Darth Spooky

    by CrapHole

    Sure why not...flame on!

  • May 9, 2002, 4:51 a.m. CST

    Dear God, Harry! Will you please get an editor!!!!!

    by Scarecrow_

    Rambling, sentimental, self-indulgentand unecessarily overly long. Either get an impartial editor - or if you allready have one, get a good one.

  • These films are FOR the fans, don't let the JOYLESS FAG TROLLS try and convince you they EVER WERE a fan. LONG LIVE STAR WARS. DEATH TO THE JEDI! - Sweet review Moriarty.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:54 a.m. CST

    Speaking of hidden details in the film...

    by Payndz

    ...look out for the Millennium Falcon (or a ship that looks a *lot* like it) in one shot!

  • May 9, 2002, 5:14 a.m. CST

    "Happy times are here again...."

    by Gabba-UK

    first of all, sorry for your loss Moriarty. Secondly I can't begin to tell you how jazzed up for this movie I am. I havn't seen one negative review of it yet. Even here in the UK where we have the most vicious and cutting journalism the critic's who having seen it ,are shouting from the rooftops how good it is. The Daily Mirror has called it "Amazing, Brilliant, jaw droppinly spectacular. A cinematic treat of a lifetime" Bloody Hell!! It's BBC Radio 1's Movie of the Month. (high praise indeed if you ask some of the UK readers). One of the presenter's on Ri:se who hates Sci-Fi gave it 10 out of 10. I never let myself get too much into the hype for the last one, so as a result I proberbly enjoyed it more. But with this much praise flying about it's gonna difficult this time. Only 6 more days.....

  • May 9, 2002, 5:30 a.m. CST

    "I'm Beside Myself!"

    by GeneralZoddd

    Yes - I saw it yesterday in the Empire Leicester Square in London at an press screening. I wrote a review and was going to post it here, only to find the Moriarty has said everything that I wanted but in a much more elequent way. The film is fantstic and I am as happy as a fanboy can be. I actually almost believed that I had lost THIS feeling for movies, especially after seeing LOTR FOTR and just thinking it was great and an acheivement, but not getting dizzy and NEEDING it. AOTC has reawoken that love of movies that got me in this industry in the 1st place, and I thank George and his team for it. Sure there are offensive moments; The C3PO two one-liners are cringeworthy, just for where they are amidst such heart pounding action, and also, Yoda actually struggling with the weight of a column when lifting it with the force. I found that actually very disturbing and offensive as it cancels what we have learnt about 'size matters not' to the jedi. It seems that they just wanted a plot device to allow the bad guy to escape and to provide a means to show a cgi character act through expression. If Dooku was actaully using his force powers to press the column down then Yoda's exertaion would have been understandable. It's the little things, but these are just that, little things. The film rocks more than we really could have hoped! KNELL BEFORE ZODDD!

  • May 9, 2002, 5:39 a.m. CST

    About Yoda's power

    by Vicconius

    I think people have a romantic memory of Yoda in ESB. I just watched it and when Yoda was showing Luke the power of the force by raising the X-Wing , he was concentrating very hard and it took awhile. He didn't just plop it out and throw it over his shoulder. Dooku had the easy part. Pulling something mammoth down with an assist going to gravity. Yoda had to stop it from falling in a split second and deal with the situation. Plenty of time for Dooku to make his escape. I think it's a red herring. Yoda ain't a god. He's just the best Jedi. They aren't omnipotent.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:01 a.m. CST

    Hope it does the same for me

    by DrYodave

    Moriarty, thanks for the great review. I just hope it can do the same for me as I believe the friend you are referring to was also an acquaintance of mine. Given that I was working in the hospital that night, I was able to be with him till the end. May he rest in peace. Ultimately, I guess that's what movies like AOTC are for; to have a little escapism from this sometimes unkind world. If it's as good as you say, then I'm looking forward to it putting a smile back on my face as only a Star Wars movie can.

  • ...and every other review has been OK to great. Sounds promising!

  • thanks! but folks please stop bitching and harry bashing! mori and harry have both their own style and maybe i don`t notice stylish or grammar problems because i

  • May 9, 2002, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Worst movie I've seen this year

    by DexterSchmexter

    Moriarty is a fucking moron. We knew that 'cause he loved TPM but he confirms it with this sycophantic review of AOTC. I've seen this movie and it sucks. Not as badly as TPM, but it needed to be ten times better thatn TPM to be any good. Well it isn't. All the problems TPM had are here in AOTC, with the exception of Jar-Jar who has been mostly removed. But Jar-Jar was NOT the problem with TPM. He was just a symptom of the real problem which was the script. Tied to that was the lack of direction and acting. These problems are still present in AOTC., in some cases they are worse. Why is it that top actors like Ewan McGregor, Samuel L Jackson and Christopher Lee lose all their acting abilities when they do a Star Wars movie? And Natalie Portman's performance is just ridiculous. The same old standing around, saying her lines as if she's taken valium. Now, to be fair, there is a ton of special effects and action scenes which are well done, but let's be honest: none of that means a thing when there is no story and you don't care a damn for the characters involved. Maybe NEXT TIME, Lucas will manage to recapture some of the original Star Wars magic.....

  • May 9, 2002, 6:29 a.m. CST

    One of the best damn reviews I've ever read...

    by Psyclops

    Nice. Really nice. That was some of the best stuff ever written on this website. In fact, I kept giggling like a goofball midway through the review because I started getting that "STAR WARS IS THE COOLEST THING ON EARTH" feeling again. I'm just afraid your enthusiasm might be contagious and that I'm going to have CLONES on the brain until May 16th. Damn you. You'd better stop kicking so much ass or Harry's gonna get jealous. Great stuff, man. By the way, sorry to hear about your friend. I'm sure he would have loved the movie.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:45 a.m. CST

    Why it sucks to be us...

    by Ernst Blofeld

    First the Brits get screwed over Spider-man's release date and his henceforth tardy appearance slap bang in the midlle of the world's most important single sport competition - now we get screwed with a chopped down kiddie friendly AOTC. Check TFN or www.bbfc.co.uk (search for clones) if you don't believe me. Ah well, at least we've got Braindead uncut.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:55 a.m. CST

    from the mines of Mori...

    by Rate My Poo

    Pretty good review Moriaritty.

  • May 9, 2002, 7:04 a.m. CST

    The Right Perspective

    by baronkarza

    Thanks for the review ans sorry about your friend. Having read your review and Alex's and others that are popping up and the talkbackers...it seems to me that something is missing in us. Something that we've lost. And it is obvious, to anyone that will admit it, what that thing is. Our youth. Star Wars defined and started my youth when I first saw it completely out of the blue way back when. Empire. I almost beat the crap out of a kid coming out of the first show as we were standing in line waiting to be let in, as he was spilling the beans about Vader! And RoTG...well what more needs to be said about High School? But now I'm 36 years old and I have a nine year old son who loves everything Star Wars. For him the magic is still burning, still vibrant, still awesome. and I'm not going to spoil that. He can hardly contain himself waiting to see AOTC and isn't that what this is all about? These films have always been about capturing that spirit. They are not great drama, I'm sorry, have you seen these things lately?? For all of you that trash Phantom, have you watched the first three films with clear eyes???? I LOVE STAR WARS!!! Dammit, I love living in a world that has STAR WARS in it! STAR WARS defined me as a TEN YEAR OLD. But alot has happened since then. Now I can see these as they really are, without the mystical bullshit that says STAR WARS is the greatest piece of cinema ever. go ahead and rank the films, go ahead and tear into Lucas (the man responsible you morons!!) Are YOU responsible for anything?? If you don't like what George is doing then I have a suggestion...get off your lazy talkback talking ass and start your own dynasty, your own effects company, your own studio and make your own films the way you want to make them. What? Is that too hard for you? Ahhh. Lucas isn't perfect and the ten year old big-eyed boy inside of me hated TPM too. But the 36 year old man that IS me enjoyed the hell out of it. And I'm going to enjoy the hell out of AOTC. Why? Because I see the big-eyed boy that I used to be in the eyes of my son sitting beside me in the theater. I see it when we are on the floor smashing Kenner action figures of Jedi and Aliens together, I see it when we both repeat dialogue word for word from the movies. Keep your perspective straight. You might just find that you enjoy the world better.

  • No, I'm not kidding. After watching this I wonder if maybe he really could kick Gandalf's ass... http://download.consumptionjunction.com/multimedia/cj_9583.wmv

  • May 9, 2002, 8:52 a.m. CST

    wise words Bryanward,

    by wooLYaphid

    god knows I've found myself being far too cynical about Star Wars, but now Im feeling that shit belongs with the misery of paying bills and all that other dull shit.Fuck that. I want Star Wars back in my head, and everything Ive seen so far looks fucking lush. I hope theirs some full frontal Padme nud.. uh well ok some things arent gonna happen, I can accept that. Pissed to hear we in the UK are getting cuts, they got super anal about one stupid kick in Evil Dead 2 as well. Twats.

  • May 9, 2002, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Hey Craphole

    by Darth Melkor

    Damn you're lame! :P

  • May 9, 2002, 9:04 a.m. CST

    sorry

    by KAKALABA

    SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FRIEND..ONE IF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT STAR WARS ( OR ANY GOOD MOVIE FOR THAT MATTER) IS SHARING IT WITH PEOPLE WHO GET JUST AS EXCITED ABOUT IT AS YOU..

  • May 9, 2002, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Forget AOTC, Mori. . .

    by andrecrabtree111

    I'm just so sorry to hear about the death of your friend. We just have to cherish the time we have with all of those that mean anything to us. Also, I'm glad you liked the movie so much. I'm really looking forward to it.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:49 a.m. CST

    December 18th 2002

    by MinasTirith

    Is when LOTR-TTT comes out!!!!!! Meanwhile, get Peter Jackson to direct EPIII by going to this URL. http://www.petitiononline.com/dgkomxpq/petition.html Here's the deal folks. All the initial reviews will be somewhat positive. Just like a lot of TPM reviews. In 6 months this movie most likely will be worth crap. Then there will be a long wait till EpIII and well, same old same old. http://www.petitiononline.com/dgkomxpq/petition.html December 2003 - LOTR-ROTK. Yeah, Star Wars sucks now, too bad.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Moriarty nails it

    by Eat_Your_Peas

    I too feel that Star Wars is chemically hard-wired into me. Very formative film for me. And Mori, the comment about Empire being one of the best THINGS ever is great! I would rank it right up there with a fork as well!

  • May 9, 2002, 10 a.m. CST

    Great Job Mori

    by Fearsme

    Sorry to hear about your friend Mori. Just lost one myself a few weeks back to a heroin overdose. very well written review. Makes me want to see it that much more. And Mori, as a service to the site: Enroll Harry in a writing course. His Spiderman review made me want to cram my English 101 book down his throat. Peace

  • May 9, 2002, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Ingagi

    by MinasTirith

    Just cause McDonalds sells a lot of hamburgers, Millions upon Millions, doesn't mean they are any good. Much like TPM and most likely AOTC. Sure AOTC will make money, won't beat Spiderman for best weekend, but all that money don't a good movie make!!! :)

  • May 9, 2002, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Actually, it is Qui-Gon's voice, it's in the novelizatio

    by matrix_sux

    'nuff said

  • May 9, 2002, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Moriarty, get your own site!

    by the barking dog

    I'm sure I'll get banned for the comment, but Moriarty, you're better than the rest of the AICN crew! Follow Glen's lead and take your talent elsewhere!

  • May 9, 2002, 10:38 a.m. CST

    KINGKONG33

    by GeneralZoddd

    The lame-ass 3PO jokes I'll tell you as they give absolutely NOTHING to this film - I'm fact it is best that you prepare yourself... They happen during the battle at the end, there has been a mix-up with 3PO's head being seperated from his body. Helpful lil' buddy R2D2 grapple/suction cups his head and drags it off to find the body. He cries (and I don't joke) "This is such a drag!" and when R2 reaches the destination and his head lies beside his body he moans (oh the pain) "I'm beside myself!" CP3O humour is good at the right places, but in the middle of a superb battle it the equivalent of Rosenkranz and Guildenstern mincing into the duel at the end of Hamlet (where he gets thrust through) and saying "It's only a little prick! - I've had bigger" Soooo bad!

  • May 9, 2002, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Thanks, Moriarty

    by holyRoller

    Thanks for the emphasis on the impact spoilers can have for this kind of movie. That partially happened with TPM. Your mentioning of your friend in your second warning convinced me to read your review AFTER I see the movie. Must hold out...must wait for movie...

  • Hi, I've thought star wars has gone down the crapper in the last few years, so I'm putting my proverbial money where my mouth is and develop a script at www.filmwriter.biz (my site). Let me know what you think, or if you're doing script stuff as well!

  • May 9, 2002, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Consistency thy name is Moriarty.

    by rabid_republican

    Once again Mori, you prove to be the most consistently well measured and more thoughful of reviewers on this site. Sometimes I feel it is Harry who is your pawdawan learner, although he runs this joint. Jokes aside, this review has whet my appetite. I'm certain that since I'm far more agreeable with your take on things, the flaws of EP.II will seem insignifigant. (Although I'm more to give in to my feelings, the way Harry does when he gushes on such things, I wish I had your discipline.)______________________Incidently, aside from from some wooden dialogue, the SW franchise has always suffered mediocre acting, in my opinion: try watching that confession scene between Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher in ROTJ--unwatchable--more than just a few people have to fastforward through it. And let's not forget Jake "Yipee!" Lloyd from TPM...horrid. Indeed, hearing that Anthony Daniels (although prissy, not necessarily annoying) is going to be the Jar Jar of this installment has me nervous. But again, if you're right, for as awful as these aspects are, they'll be forgivable, given that we're getting a solid product.

  • May 9, 2002, 11:17 a.m. CST

    I'm willing to bet... (SPOILER)

    by Ernst Blofeld

    I reckon that EpIII will have Dooku revealing to Anakin that he instructed the Sand people to take Anakin's mother. Thus sending schizo boy into a rage and killing Dooku and his journey to the Dark Side "will be complete" and the only person he is left to turn to is Sidious...

  • May 9, 2002, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Scoreboard

    by Renata

    Definite thumbs up: TIME, ABC TV, Variety, Countingdown.com, Calgary Sun, Harry Knowles, Moriarity, and a few English and local L.A. stations. Measured thumbs up: Rolling Stones, Howard Stern, Alexandra DuPont. Thumbs down: EW, Hollywood Reporter, and some UK paper. Take that for what you will. God I have no life.

  • May 9, 2002, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Who cares.

    by i'mYOURman

    Mcweeny the Hack didn't like final fantasy:the spirits within. He could not find ONE thing in the film that he liked. Very sad. Of course that means that Mcweeny is a complete and utter a-hole. People worked on FF:TSW for years and years, they worked HARD to create something and Mcweeny shits on them like it's nothing. (I hope people give you shit too when Mortal Kombat3 comes out) BTW: Harry's reviews are crap(duh!), but Mcweeny's are even worse. George Lucas for President bitches!!

  • May 9, 2002, 11:41 a.m. CST

    condolences

    by DeaDEyeS

    my sympathies to your loss friend keep in heart that he knows the complete saga stay strong as you are truly an inspiration to me recognizing beauty and substance to this art never forget that love thank you--------Jason Ormiston

  • May 9, 2002, 11:49 a.m. CST

    can you believe the brits cut one second of clones?

    by chirpychap

    STAR WARS - EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES Feature Film Classified 07 May, 2002 . Run Time 142m 5s Expected to open on 16/05/2002 Advice for consumers Theme or content Contains sci-fi action, violence and peril When submitted to the BBFC the work had a running time of 142m 6s. The running time of this film was calculated from the measured length of 12787+12 ( feet + frames ). To obtain this category cuts of 0m 1s were required. The cuts were Cuts for Category. Company chose to cut sight of a head butt to achieve a "PG". A "12" uncut was available to the distributor. At the time of classification 20th Century Fox Film Co. Ltd was the distributor of this film.

  • May 9, 2002, 12:02 p.m. CST

    "No Ernst Blofeld, no!!"

    by Otto Parts

    Again, the BBFC decides to act like a bunch of complete TOSSPOTS. I thought this shit was over when Ferman left. Actually, I heard a couple of years ago that they'd decided to turn their attentions to headbutts. 10 years ago, you couldn't see nunchakas in a movie, which directly led to the decision to rename the Turtles cartoon to, and I'm not kidding you American talkbackers, "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles". Now nunchakas are fine, you can see 'em on TV at 8 in the evening, but headbutts? "Whoa, there, cowboy, we'll not have any headbutts in OUR movies! Good God, someone might go out and copy what they saw in the film! I mean rape and decapitation are fine, but just no headbutts, OK?" What a bunch of complete wankers. Does this mean they're going to cut Never Say Never Again? Or ban animal documentaries [they always headbutt one another]? I'm afraid I have to know exactly who performed said butt, and upon whom? Americans can you help? I would ask Zodd but he will have seen the pathetically cut version which I'll be seeing next Wednesday evening...Anyway, a quick point for Gabba-UK. Look buddy, I'm as enthusiastic as the next bloke, but I have to take issue with you talking about us having "the most vicious and cutting journalism" in the world, then going on to site a review from The Daily Mirror. See, tabloids aren't really known for having particularly in-depth reviews of movies; in addition, they ARE known for adhering to the equation: Blockbuster=Good movie. This is because by definition, tabs appeal to the lowest common denominator, they are not, as News International employees will tell you, "reflections of what the people really think", but they DO try to pre-empt national reactions to things such as movies. I can virtually guarantee that the Mirror gave TPM a glowing review when it came out, whereas now it is happy to talk about "the disappointing Phantom Menace". However, the broadsheets haven't been entirely full of praise for this new installment, read the comments from the Independent [I think] posted at the other TB, and you'll see what I mean. If you want a genuinely unbiased review of this movie, read Sight and Sound's, which I don't think is out yet...

  • May 9, 2002, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Head Butts and Sweaty Balls!

    by GeneralZoddd

    OTTO PARTS - The head butter is JANGO FETT and the Buttee is Obi Wan. Yep it seems that I saw the 1second less than our american cousins but the Butt was in a Quicktime trailer! Sweaty Balls - The 'massacre' isn't really seen - so don't get overly excited by these things - we see Anakin kill (I think 2 Tuscans) - and lots of angry swinging at things in close-up. The horror comes when he admits the extent of his victims...

  • May 9, 2002, 12:44 p.m. CST

    UK Censorship

    by Drug_Dealin_Dude

    Star Wars, Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones has been cut by 1 second by the BBFC to remove a headbutt. The cut was to achieve a PG rather than the "12" that would otherwise have been awarded. And the really fucking stupid thing about this is according to TheForce.net the headbutt is in one of the TV ads which has been playing repeatedly all over UK TV & satellite recently, so we all get to see it anyway!!!! Well done BBFC......bunch of fuckin upper class dinosaurs. DIE ALREADY!!!!

  • The head butt came from JANGO FETT and was recieved by OBI WAN KENOBI. You can download it at THEFORCE.NET

  • May 9, 2002, 12:54 p.m. CST

    BBFC!!!

    by EIFF

    At least Moriarty and Harry really like the film. I also think it was brilliant. I also live in the UK and saw the uncut version. It may only have been a whole second longer, but the matter of it being cut is a point of principles, and wrinkley old men are always deciding what we can and can not see. Still, AOTC is a great film.

  • May 9, 2002, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Your review

    by HollyS

    I cant help but notice that you seem to concentrate solely on how the movie looked overall. I am gonna go see SW myself when it comes out next week....and I do plan on coming back to give my own view points. But your review scares me into thinking that this movie has some minor good acting with some wonderful visual affects....and if this is the case then the only people who will make this movie number one for that one week will be the Hard core SW fans. Thats just sad in my opinion but we'll see come May 16.

  • May 9, 2002, 1:10 p.m. CST

    What's all the fuss about?

    by Sergio

    O.K. I'll admit that I've never been a Star Wars fan. I don't get them at all. To me they're just those old Flash Gordon serials I used to see on TV when I was a kid, but with better special effects. Anyway, I have seen AOTC and I found it soulless, uninspired and tedious. My friend with me was yawning throughout the entire picture. Cardboard characters (where did Lucas find that California Surfer dude to play Darth Vadar?), no plot and the movie looks like what is really is. Obviously a bunch of actors standing in front of a blue screen talking to nothing as they read their lives off a teleprompter. I found even the action sequences machinical and uninvolving. If you don't care about the characters, no action scene will work no matter how well put together it is. My suggestion for all those 30 and 40 year old Star Wars geeks out there, counting the days before the film's release, is to do something more constructive in your lives. Something you've never done before like...getting laid.

  • May 9, 2002, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Just Ranting

    by AlyFox

    Alyfox here, longtime site visitor, sometime poster. I guess it's all just like everything else: sometimes you read something you like, sometimes you don't. I guess I look at movie fans/geeks the way I look at movie spoofs. You are either like AIRPLANE!, in which you slyly satirize an entire genre of films, creating something original along the way, or you are like SCARY MOVIE, where you lift entire scenes from a few other films, have over-the-top actors repeat the same lines, and pat yourself on the back for your 'ingenutiy". Do I make any sense? I read what seems like a tome from Mr. Knowles on a movie, and I get ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that releates to the film he is supposed to be reviewing. He mentions every little thing about his day, eating habits, and what can only pass for sexual practices, and all I can envision is a guy who is giggling while typing, saying to himself, "Man isn't this funny? I am going to crack SO many people up with this!" And he does not. Harry: if by some stroke of fate you are reading these posts, please know that I am not trying to just make lame jokes about you. No remarks about your weight and such, just an observation from one movie-lover to another. On the other side of the coin, is you, Moriarity. You wrote an awful lot of lines before getting to the review, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I didn't find it self-indulgent or anything like that. When you think of STAR WARS, you think of certain people, and one of those people passed on just before the new installment, and that bears directly on your appreciation of the film. I don't think I am stating anything new when I say that 75% of the posters on this site love to just post the most inflamatory things just because they like to see their handle on line, and love to see other people get bothered by it. I am no exception. But every poster here has friends, and all of you agree on certain films, and every once in a while a close friend likes a movie that you hate. It's just a fact of life. One could say the same of Harry and how his reviews seem to boggle our minds sometimes. I feel that more often than not recently, Harry's reviews have been absolutely terrible, and Moriarity has yet to write one where he doesn't tie everything together, says his peace, but doesn't make it sound like it all begins and ends with him. I love STAR WARS, and while TPM did not overly excite me, I will endeavor to watch AOTC with an open mind and hope it does not suck, much like I visit this site and hope the content does not suck. If it does, I will go to some other site and re-visit some other day. This site should be about love of movies, not love of seeing who can come up with the most interesting slam on someone. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Man, I'm long-winded. I'll shut my pie-hole now. See you at the movies. Moriarity, please, be the future of this site. AlyFox out.

  • May 9, 2002, 1:42 p.m. CST

    The FORK is definately one of the greatest things ever!!

    by EL Duderino

    Wait, by "fork" you are referring to that phenomenon guys get in the morning where their piss shoots out in two different directions? Yeah, of course thats it!

  • May 9, 2002, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Great Reivew Moriarty!

    by endersai

    Great review. Now you've convinced me to go see this in the theater, which I wasn't quite planning on doing. While I'm not as pumped about this as The Fellowship of the Ring (a great film) I am definitely going in with an open mind, seeing as I didn't enjoy The Phantom Menace at all. Sorry to hear about your friend, Mori. I hate to hear that.

  • May 9, 2002, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Hey, Moriarity, I Eat At The Norm's In Santa Monica All The

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...I usually have the grilled 3-cheese sandwich (Norm's in Santa Monica makes a killer grilled 3-cheese sandwich). Has Angie ever been your waitress? She always brings me and Mrs. Buzz all kinds of free stuff because we're always nice enough to take Buzz Jr. outside to look at weirdos when he goes beserk. I have something of a rep at Norm's in Santa Monica because I can always win something from the claw machines and usually it's what I'm going after. Last time, I got this cool Betty Boop cheerleader doll which I gave to my niece Kit Maverik. So maybe I'll see you in there sometime.

  • May 9, 2002, 2 p.m. CST

    emotional opening

    by 1968slater

    i was allmost in tears when i read your opening statments about your friend. as i have too lost a friend in the last year to a drunk driver... we made a pact that if either of us passes on before the star wars saga is over we would go to the gravesite and tell the other all about the film... now i am an athiest and i do not belive in religion but i believe in friendships and pacts.. so needless to say early thursday morning (after the midnight show) i will be going to pine hills cemetery here in toronto to talk with my fellow star wars fan all about the new film...

  • May 9, 2002, 2:04 p.m. CST

    My Condolonces Moriarty!

    by Darth_Snickerous

    I first wish to offer my sincere condolonces for the loss of your friend. Last week I lost my Uncle, Godfather, Boss, and close friend all rolled into one great person, after a long bout with lung cancer. I was listening to "Across the Stars" when my father called me with the news. Like you I am an extremely rabid Star Wars fan who can't wait for this movie. So far the hype, and the movie will be a big part of the healing proccess for me. A wonderful distraction from the pain of mourning. I am thrilled that you enjoyed the movie and because of your great review I will definetly say a little prayer for both my Uncle Jack and your friend Leon when the fanfare begins! Godspeed indeed!!

  • May 9, 2002, 2:14 p.m. CST

    i am wondering, why are you here?

    by DrYodave

    Just a couple questions for Sergio. If you have never been fan of Star Wars, why did you go to see the movie and what were you expecting? Next is, if you really disliked the movie so much, why are you wasting your time on this thread? Maybe you should get a life and let us enjoy the movies, since you obviously don't.

  • May 9, 2002, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Bravo, Moriarty.

    by jycd93

    First off, sorry for your loss. Secondly, for the few TB's I've read so far that flame Moriarty for including the news of losing his friend, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! Moriarty shares a deep, personal moment in his life and you cry that it has no place in a review. How about cutting the guy some slack?? Not only did he bring an awesome HUMAN aspect, but he delivered an eloquent, from the heart review that made me want to go stand in line this very minute.All of us that know what it's like to lose someone would never be so cavalier about what Moriarty wrote. Moriarty's reviews have been consistently good and this one is no different. You haters should be ashamed. You also be thanking God if you can't identify with what Moriarty is going through. I lost 2 brothers to drunk drivers. One month apart. Completely unexpected. Completely fucked up. I feel you Moriarty. Keep up the great work. Fuck the HATERS. AOTC will kick all manner of ass. OUT!! JY

  • May 9, 2002, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Greeeeeat review, Moriarty!

    by Lord_Soth

    And yes, Harry is an official bitch of New Line.

  • I love this country. I really do. We have problems sure, but there is nowhere I would rather be (crap weather not withstanding). But we really have the the most STUCK UP, P.C. RIDDEN, TOFFEE NOSED ANGST FILLED, SITTING ON THE FENCE AS AN ARTFORM, MIDDLE CLASS, CAP DOFFING TO THE ESTABLISMENT, BIASED, HOMOPHOPIC, SPINELESS, WEAK-MINDED, BACKWARD THINKING, VICTORIAN VALUED, NOT TO MENTION FUCKING STUPID FUCKWITS in charge of the BBFC, UK's version of the MPAA. They have ordered the cutting of the headbutting between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett. Because of course if kids don't see it done on a big screen they wont do it in the playgrounds. Did any of these twats go to fucking school?!!!! Is there any other country in the western world, correction, ANY country in the world where this film is cut? ARSEHOLES!!!!!!!!

  • May 9, 2002, 2:53 p.m. CST

    Can't Trust It

    by WoodyStiffer

    Sorry - I can't trust the opinion of someone who drives around in his car with the Star Wars Soundtrack on - we need a more impartial review of the film.

  • May 9, 2002, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Thanks a lot, bro

    by RipperHelix

    Sorry to hear about your friend but anyway thanks for the reviewing on Attack of the Clones. Many critics have panned this films but we'll prove those suckas wrong. I got another comment to make, Hey, Spiderman, you think you own that record 114 million dollars weekend, oh hell no, Star Wars will kick your ass all over world and everyone will cried out the Armageddon. Well, in my dream but I think Star Wars will own that record, I got tix on first day at 3:45 pm, those stupid suckas got early times, well I'm out.

  • May 9, 2002, 3:05 p.m. CST

    About the UK censorship cut...what's the big deal?

    by CoolDan989

    People are not going to remember Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones for some stupid headbutt. They're going to remember it for the fact that it was a damn good Star Wars movie (hopefully). If the British cut out all the inappropriate words and actions in the movie, I would side with you guys, but honestly, they just cut ONE SECOND. It's just one person butting his head into another person, and the movie will not be destoryed without it. No offense, but if we Americans can recover from September 11th, you guys can surely recover from them cutting one second out of a Star Wars movie.

  • May 9, 2002, 3:47 p.m. CST

    The Voice

    by Cardiff Giant

    The voice of "No, Anakin! No!" belongs to none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. Yoda doesn't really understand how that could be an does not share it with anyone else in the film. Well, Anakin also hears it of course, but he ignores it, as he is dead set on killing every living being in the Tusken Camp. I just bought six tickets to the midnight show and I cannot fucking wait for this movie. I love Star Wars and I love all you guys.

  • May 9, 2002, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Anakin kills Tuscans?

    by ChrisPC24

    That explains why they filmed in Italy! But seriously, this film is going to mop the floor with everything else for a month or so, that's why Universal was smart and released Spider-Man two weeks beforehand. Got my tickets reserved for the 12:01 showing, and I am so ready!

  • Listen, bub, don't be bringing up 9/11 here, because it just ain't appropriate (For reasons that go on and on, but if you need a reason - do a little reading up on your WWII history; you really aren't the first nation to have to collectively overcome tragedy). Furthermore, considering you come from the one nation in this world which has arguably been most vocally anti-censorship, I'd have thought you'd understand that, as Darth Batty put it so well, it's about the "principle". I don't care about missing an irrelevant second of AOTC, but I care a lot about some bureaucratic organisation run by greying middle-aged men telling me what I can and can't see in a SW movie. This is the sort of thing which led to Kubrick's self-imposed ban on Clockwork Orange being shown in this country. Do you know Spielberg was so aware of this kind of bullshit that he allegedly flew James Ferman out to his fucking California Ranch, sat him down in front of Jurassic Park and explained away every little problem Ferman had with the movie! Result: JP released here uncut and with a PG certificate. George, you should have known.....

  • May 9, 2002, 4:20 p.m. CST

    I couldn't agree more.

    by thepoetblue

    About everything you said about your friend. He was a good friend of mine, too. I really appreciate your column and I know he would have really appreciated it. Watching Spiderman last weekend was somehow not easy, knowing we wouldn't be able to IM about it on Monday morning, as we always did. Thanks for a great eulogy for a great friend!

  • May 9, 2002, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Moriarty... you are the man. you hear me? You should be running

    by TheGinger Twit

    Honestly, i didn't want to be rude, but you touched me with this review. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Lets see you back in the extra space episode 2 talkback.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Too bloody right it's the principle!!!!

    by Gabba-UK

    I have emailed the BBFC to ask for clarification on their reasoning for the cut. Especially as the Profession advert for Jango Fett is now being shown on UK TV with the 1 second of cut footage still in it!!! Will it stop me from seeing it? Hell no. Am I pissed off about it? Too fucking right I am. And I have to agree with my fellow British Talkbacker. I would hope that those coming from a country which has the only written constiution in the world with such a powerful endorsement to the right of free speech as the 1st amendment is would understand how annoyed we are. If you want to know just how shite the BBFC is check out their website www.bbfc.co.uk ,punch in some of your favorite films and find out just what we have to put up with!! It will open your eyes and no mistake!

  • May 9, 2002, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Great review....and Harry bashing

    by Jaka

    That was a real review with genuine emotion, thank you. I wonder though, if like me, most people are just reading SW reviews so they CAN find out what is going to happen. It's not like at ANY point since 97 when they started EPI that I ever, EVER, had a thought about NOT seeing any of these films. Even if this review had said "this is the biggest pile of steaming dog shit I have ever seen", I would still have been there opening weekend. But truly, thanks for the great review (the content and the way it was written, not just your opinion). Lastly, I never understood the "Harry is a sellout" shit that goes around on this site. I just think Harry gets WAY TOO EXCITED about movies and lets small glimpses of brilliance cloud over the rest the crap that we must sit through for 90-150 minutes. Case in point: I saw The Musketeer this last weekend. That is a shitty fuckin' movie! The action scenes are cool, but except for the shot down the outside of the tower, nothing new. The acting, story, editing....CRAP. Just a crap film! What the fuck happened to Tim Roth is what I want to know. Natalie Portman....whatever, she's made like 5 films. I thought Tim was gonna be one of the best...oh well.

  • May 9, 2002, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Jabal Naberrie: Cheers buddy! We love you too!

    by BarrelRider

    We need more kindness like that on these talkbacks!! I'm gonna love this movie, I just know it!

  • May 9, 2002, 5:07 p.m. CST

    Thanks Moriarty

    by Kikstad

    You're one of the best. And you're a damn good writer. I hate myself for knowing so much about this film before I've even seen it. I think Lucas is laying the groundwork for some real surprises in Ep. 3, so I hope we can all remain spoiler-free. But thanks as always for your heartfelt honest review. There are people out there who will NEVER like Star Wars. Heck, I know a lot of people who think Return of the Jedi was the greatest movie in the saga, and some who think Empire Strikes Back was the worst. There's no accounting for taste. Likewise, there are many true Star Wars fans who just were heartbroken by Episode 1. Personally, I liked Phantom Menace a lot. Hopefully, Lucas can show those disheartened fans that he still has some nice surprises in store for them. Long live the Jedi!

  • May 9, 2002, 5:18 p.m. CST

    The BBFC...

    by Ernst Blofeld

    Here's the thing "CoolDan", we are movie fans all of us. I reckon a large percentage of people on this site buy DVDs and look on the back and get a little sense of joy when it says it contains deleted footage. We're completists, we're buffs, we enjoy the little things. To have some poxy organisation come in and butcher films for "our benefit" is just plain soul destroying. The BBFC has made sme good decisions in its time (I still stand by their passing of an uncut Braindead, because they got the joke), but others are just insulting. Anyone who has witnessed the purely bizarre and mental jungle fight in UK Goldeneye will know what I mean (another headbutt). Even Evil Dead 2 was cut, a bloody 18 certificate, a kick to the head causing the problem (this has since been reinstated). As someone mentioned it is even in an advert for the film - it must be in Jango v2, cause it ain't in the first one - sheer madness. It reminds me of another instance, The Temple of Doom was cut by over a minute in the UK, but amazingly on a recent video release of the film, this footage was still missing but parts were present in an interview with Spielberg, Lucas and Ford at the end! WTF! And as for dragging in 11/9, I think someone has already made a salient point, and understand that it wasn't just Americans who sadly died on that day...

  • May 9, 2002, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Hell Yeah!

    by rattler_pk

    To all of you jaded nitpickers out there, don't go see AOTC just to trash it. Go see AOTC because it will kick ass and prove once and for all that Star Wars is a billion times better than Lord of the Rings!

  • May 9, 2002, 5:22 p.m. CST

    See that Butt

    by Ernst Blofeld

    That headbutt shown clearly - you ask me it's "head-to-shoulder", but it's the refs decision: http://makeashorterlink.com/?U203617D

  • May 9, 2002, 5:35 p.m. CST

    "One thing?s for sure... in space, no one looks cool in a turtle

    by Mussburger

    I thought Lando wore a turtleneck. He was cool.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:01 p.m. CST

    THERE is only ONE HORRIBLE aspect to EPISODE II.......

    by rumpieguy

    I saw AOTC at the zeigfeld here in NYC the other day. There was a palpable electricity in the air and the turnout was impressive with lines around the block of regular folk and celebrities all mixed together. Next to the line for our preview were the freaks who were camping out for the past month for the May 16th opening which only added to the atmosphere. And how was the movie? I LOVED it. For me there was only ONE major weakness...the love story. So I'll get that out of the way. The dialouge between Anakin and Padme was WAY too lame and overspoken. There is nothing more groan inducing than actors SPEAKING of their love...rather than ACTING out their love. And Anakin and Padme's courtship was way too rushed to be gushing lines like, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!" Over and over again ad nauseum. And you thought JAR JAR was annoying? BOY....imagine him in love...and you've got an idea of the annoying factor. Padme's vocal speak is less robotic this time out....but still too regal and emotionless....so when Natalie Portman is speaking badly written love declarations, it makes her look like a HORRIBLE actress....which she isn't. Very painful. Lucas should have cut out alot of the corny love talk....and used a more subtle approach....until Anakin and Padme get to Tatooine where some REALLY great dramatic stuff brings them together. THAT would have been much more believable and had more impact. But you will see what I mean. You could sense the WHOLE audience's dissapointment during those scenes, like the energy was being sucked out of the room. Thankfully those scenes were quick....and the rest of the film....drum roll please.....just ROCKED. Fantastic. You will be blown AWAY. Long live digital filmmaking on both a grand and small scale. No complaints. Someone here said how the digital effects were much better than Lord of the Rings...and they are from a technical standpoint. Rings was more RAW...and I loved that organic quality....it fit that movie. Personally I loved Lord of the Rings as a movie more....I cared more for the characters....but Episode two I loved in a different way. There are SOOO many great moments that will make Star Wars fans squeal with delight. Yoda rules! I must see this film again. I want to go more in depth....but out of respect to the majority who have not seen it yet, I'll wait till the 16th. Be wary of the love story....but EXPECT....yes EXPECT to be blown away.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:06 p.m. CST

    No anakin no?

    by Kizeesh

    Isn't that in one of the trailers, its Obi-Wan innit?

  • May 9, 2002, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Hi, My name is Marla Singer and I want to talk to Drew!!!

    by marla singer

    I figure this might get your attention. please call me. i miss you.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:11 p.m. CST

    Spielberg as critic

    by yo0o0oy

    Now "Empire" is Spielberg's favorite? I remember Time magazine's 1983 Return of the Jedi cover issue where he basically trashed ESB and said the real Star Wars is back. Going on to make Temple of Doom and sniping at Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon" in Time magazine makes me think Mr. Spielberg lacks discernment.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:18 p.m. CST

    Marla

    by Ernst Blofeld

    Hey marla, if you click on the name Moriarty in the review it gives you Drew's email.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Someone told me Ebert was going to give a thumbs-down - that CAN

    by togmeister

    After all, didn't he give TPM like 3-and a half-stars or something? Just read the reviews of Peter Travers at Rolling Stone and David Poland (both positive with reservations) and Variety (absolute rave). Bring on this time next week.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:21 p.m. CST

    All you Brits simply buy the Region 1 DVD for the Jango head-bu

    by togmeister

    Yeah! screw the BBFC!

  • May 9, 2002, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Mori, I'm sorry about your loss, and a terrific review.

    by Nordling

    And for all those Harry bashers out there...FUCK OFF. It wasn't Mori that got you here, it was Harry. I'm all over it on Thursday.

  • May 9, 2002, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Am I the only one around who would pick A New Hope over The Empi

    by SL Frankenstein

    ..or are there more of you out there?

  • May 9, 2002, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Ebert's thumb

    by Renata

    I don't know what his review will say, but keep in mind: He's very anti-video, or HD, or digital, or whatever you want to call it. He's on a real crusade against digital projection. I don't know how he feels about digital shooting, as he might very well have given thumbs up to features shot on video in the past. But as there's never been a major feature film done this way, it might be a litmus test. Anyway, if Halle Berry were in AOTC, I'm sure his thumb would be WAY up.

  • May 9, 2002, 7:15 p.m. CST

    I've read all these posts here and.....

    by IAmLegolas

    ...it's just amazing to me how the feelings on these TBs in general, towards Episode II, fluctuated back and forth on here from the second Episode 1 hit the theatres until today. I'm starting to think some of you really are mindless sheep who are slaves to hype and to the cult of Lucas and it's not just a witty remark continuously spewed. I know it's hard to break away from the "everything Stars Wars is and will always be God" mentality, believe me, I was that way from the second I saw Star Wars in the theaters back when it was called just Star Wars up until a couple of months after Ep.1 hit the theaters. I remember watching Ep. 1 opening night with a bunch of friends and one of them walked out scathingly p*ssed off. I wondered why and asked him what was wrong and he just said "That's not Star Wars, it was awful.". I didn't really understand, I thought it was good, but not as great as the Original 3, but over time and some more rewatching, my rose colored glasses.... colored from the fact that it was STAR WARS and it was a long frickin' time since we got a new one to watch..... came off and I saw Ep. 1 for the sh*tty movie that it was. This coupled with rewatching the original 3 with Lucas's digital reworkings (half of it improved the movies, half of it f*cked them up) and his song and dance with releasing them on DVD soured me on Lucas and his universe big time. My love for Star Wars seriously was damaged. Anyway, these boards were all f*ck Lucas, f*ck Star Wars etc. etc., but as the years until Ep. 2 hits the theaters started to become months and then weeks and now days people seem to be piling back on Lucas's money machine, begging to be fed more B.S. I'm hearing new reasons to see it now after critically mixed reviews.... I'm supposed to "lighten up" and "have fun".... defending this movie now with "it's just a popcorn flick" and "leave your brain at the door" and "just have fun with it." well f*ck that, that's not good enough for me anymore and I don't believe that it's good enough for a movie with the holy Star Wars stamp on it. I don't like watching movies like Mummy Returns or Tomb Raider, sorry if I like a little substance in my movies now. Maybe it is because I'm older, I mean I don't like watching Van Damme and Seagal movies like anymore like I did as a kid. It's true the Original 3 were silly sometimes and goofy and hokey but they still were COOL and still had great scenes and great dialogue that people continuously repeat in our culture, and I just don't mean visually. Epic stuff like Vader telling Luke that he was his Father and Han deciding to come back to help Luke and the rebellion instead of going back to his greedy, selfish ways.... Lando betraying Han and then later on helping him out because he made a mistake and his hands were tied at the time. Am I really just a bitter old jaded fan? Was it because I was a little kid back then and I'm not one now? I don't think so. The original 3 still are great to me even now. I don't cringe when I watch them (except for the Ewok stuff... and of course Greedo firing first.... well maybe the CGI Jabba too). They just got better with time and have massive rewatchablitly. Episode 1 came along and watching it just gets worse over time and I can't bring myself to watch it. Star Wars is no longer family friendly, it's been dumbed down for kids and I think that is just plain wrong. How can Lucas make 6 films over a period of 20+ years and keep it at a kiddie level? How are the kids from the 80's who are now grown up supposed to handle and enjoy the rest of Lucas's Universe if it's not aimed for them anymore? The prequels don't have to be "dark" and "adult", but they don't have to be all Barney'd out either. As for the hokey story and acting, true that the originals had that but after 20+ years and a legion of talented people at Lucas's disposal and hopefully Lucas became more skilled at what he does he should of improved on his saga and tried to outdo the originals with not only improved effects, but improved acting and storytelling. I guess his ego did get in the way. How's this for some mythology, Lucas? "Absolute power corrupts absolutely". Will I see Ep.2 ? Yes. When? Not right away, I like the boycott it for a week theory. Can one person make a difference? Well shall see. Why do I still want to see this movie? Because believe it or not I am or was a Star Wars fan est. 1977. I've seen the other 4, I might as well watch the last 2 at least once. I'm putting these prequels on a level with the other summer blockbusters that the Star Wars Universe once pioneered the way for. BTW: Notice how I didn't bring up LOTR (or Spider-Man). Just because my nick is IAmLegolas (a nick I came up with in 1998-99 combining two literary references.... Richard Matheson's I AM LEGEND and one of my favorite Tolkien characters) doesn't mean I'm some LOTR movie newbie that just sprang up to bash Star Wars. All incoherent parts to this rant are sponsored by me typing this at work! Peace out, yo!

  • May 9, 2002, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Stern is a moron.

    by Sea Bass

    No story? No story? This movie has more plot than all the other SW films and FOTR combined.

  • May 9, 2002, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Lisa Schwarzbaum a good critic!? - lmao!

    by snuffape

    Her ratings for: "Goodfellas: D" "Fight Club: D" AND "CROSSROADS: B+" !!!!!!!!! - fuck! if she's badmouthing AotC, trust me THIS IS A GOOD THING FOR THE FANS! lol!

  • May 9, 2002, 8:04 p.m. CST

    I named my first child Star Wars

    by Hate_Speech

    and the second one I names Yoda. They have the force and have little saber duels.. they're so cute.. I charge people $5.50 each night watch thier duels, and yes, they have action figures, and towels, toothbrushes, ballones, puzzles, candy and all sorts of other stuff.. Star Wars and Yoda rule this township. Fly over country baby. We'll fall for a digital cartoon by the Ewok master. Blah! Star Warts sucks.. LOTR rules. Heck, Spiderman could whip Yoda in a heartbeat.

  • May 9, 2002, 8:08 p.m. CST

    MAN I FREAKING HATE STAR WARS!!

    by metsrulein2k

    Tell me something, almost everyone at this site says that star wars started their initial love of movies, wtf? I just dont understand, all this saga has ever had going for it is good FX. But hell, most talkbackers hate movies with nothing except good effects. For example, most of you hated the mummy movies, why? because it had no plot and spent all the money on the effects. Gee, remind you of anything? Star Wars has never had any kind of special thing going for it, it has the same plot that most sci-fiction movies have, only sometimes those movies have much better acting. So I just dont understand, I love movies as much as the rest of you do, but to me, for what it matters, I think that Star Wars has always been a piece of shit, and it doesnt look like it is going to be getting any better. And how could some lunatic say the SW is a billion times better than LOTR? Well, I guess if you dont count the acting, plot, character development, dialogue or simply the story in general, well, then I guess that SW is better than LOTR, but since all these things exist for LOTR, SW cant even hold a candle to the greatness in cinema that is Lord of the Rings.

  • May 9, 2002, 8:16 p.m. CST

    Not one of you...not a single one of you...

    by Jarados

    ...has an opinion of your own. Every single person who comes to these talkbacks does not have one stinkin' solid opinion of any of these movies unless someone on this website says that it's good or bad. You people are so stinkin' fickle. One moment someone says Episode II stinks...everyone immediately says it will stink...BEFORE YOU EVEN SEE IT!!! Then, someone says that it rocks. You immediately change your mind and say that it will rock...BEFORE YOU EVEN SEE IT!!! I honestly think not half the people who hate "The Phantom Menace" would hate it if they were not told beforehand that it was bad. I have a friend of mine who has not seen/heard ANYTHING ABOUT EITHER OF THE TWO NEW ONES...(he's just now hearing that some people hated "The Phantom Menace actually), and he couldn't be happier with it. You know why? BECAUSE IT'S STAR WARS, PEOPLE!!! ! NOT "GONE WITH THE WIND"!!! For heaven's sake, go outside, and stop sitting on your butts in front of a computer all day. And enjoy the movie.

  • May 9, 2002, 8:44 p.m. CST

    OUCH!

    by tg

    A.O. Scott's review in the NY Times is pretty harsh...

  • May 9, 2002, 8:51 p.m. CST

    VARIETY review

    by sparticusmaximus

    From Variety: By Todd McCarthy The Force is back -- along with fun and excitement, as well as the bonus of romance -- in "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones." As if realizing that "The Phantom Menace" three years ago didn't exactly deliver the goods even while racking up a staggering worldwide gross of $923 million, or perhaps just finding his directorial footing again after the 22-year layoff, George Lucas has reached deep into the trove of his self-generated mythological world to produce a grand entertainment that offers a satisfying balance among the series' epic, narrative, technological and emotional qualities. If "The Empire Strikes Back" represented an advance on the original "Star Wars," "Clones" marks a big leap beyond "Menace," while also holding out the promise of a climactic installment that could be even more dramatic. Reinvigorating a series that showed signs of needing a transfusion, "Clones" will soar to the furthest extremes of the B.O. stratosphere. Virtually everything that went wrong in "Menace" has been fixed, or at least improved upon, this time out: The exposition and sense of storytelling are clearer and more economical, all the main characters have significant roles to play, the detailing of the diverse settings is far richer, the multitudinous action set-pieces are genuinely exciting, there is now the dramatic through-line provided by a love story, some of the acting is actually decent, and even the score is better. Stimulating everything is a restoration of overall imaginative purpose, which is a good thing now that the first installment of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy has, in the view of many, set the bar so high for cinematic fantasy and myth-making. On first blush, "Clones" would appear to rank behind "Empire" and somewhere around the original "Star Wars" among the five series entries to date. The juvenalia and sporadic feeling of cynical marketeerism are pretty much gone, replaced by a late adolescent/early adult-level treatment of such matters as forbidden love, betrayal, strategic politics and preparation for war. It has become customary for contempo big-budget adventures to pile one apparent ending on top of another, ad nauseum, and while "Clones" may be guilty of this, the difference is that here they are welcome -- the "endings" get better as they go. After the usual informational scroll, which informs that the Republic is threatened by a large separatist movement involving multiple alliances throughout the galaxy, action picks up 10 years after "Menace." Opening shots of an exquisite silver spaceship descending through the clouds to land amid the spires of Coruscant possess a grace more enchanting than anything in the previous film, but the beauty of the moment is obliterated when the craft's most illustrious passenger, Senator Padme (Natalie Portman), former Queen of Naboo, narrowly escapes an assassination attempt. Padme has made the journey to vote on the issue of whether or not to give Supreme Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) emergency powers to create an army to battle the dissenters. Upon arrival, she is placed under the protection of Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his apprentice Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), the latter of whom she hasn't seen since he was the boy played by Jake Lloyd in "Menace." Handsome and all grown up now (although Padme herself looks scarcely older), Anakin now sees his childhood friend through adult eyes, to the point where he must be reminded by Obi-Wan of the Jedi rule against emotional attachments. Rescuing Padme from yet another attack, this time by large centipedes delivered to her bed, the two blond bodyguards launch themselves out the window to give nocturnal chase to the would-be killer, a pursuit that involves free-falls from thousands of feet and precarious flying on mini-jets through a maze of towering buildings and airborne congestion. Dizzying sequence tips the hat to "Blade Runner" in its evocation of a nightmarish urban future, but still creates a world very much its own by virtue of its sheer density. Informed by the dying assailant that she was hired by a bounty hunter to eliminate Padme, Obi-Wan leaves in search of the evil plotter, while Anakin is assigned to accompany Padme back her native Naboo, a peaceful Italianate land where the young couple indulge in a bucolic idyll in which Anakin's amorous determination is bested by Padme's resolve not to launch into a relationship she knows will prove "impossible." Giving Anakin's romantic torment an ominous portent is his stated preference for a dictatorship over the Republic, which he feels "doesn't work." In a beautiful sequence, Obi-Wan locates the formidable bounty hunter, Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison), on a gloomy distant planet of perpetual rain which also houses the lab and factory manufacturing the hitherto unknown Clone Army designed to assist the Jedi in taking on the separatists. But while Obi-Wan pushes toward uncovering the anti-Republican conspiracy, Anakin suffers intense personal anguish when he returns to his native Tatooine in a futile attempt to rescue his mother from kidnappers. Lashing out, he slaughters her abductors (offscreen), motivated by a degree of hate he has never felt before. Through this middle stretch of the film, which might prove a little tedious for hardware geeks and pre-teens, the seeds are being planted not only for the inevitable Anakin-Padme union, but for Anakin's eventual move to the Dark Side and transformation into Darth Vader. And while the "intimate" dialogue is mundane, and a few lines borderline risible, the crescendo of events carries the day with room to spare, setting the stage for the escalating drama and conflict of the picture's second half. In short order, Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padme are captured by the emergent villain of the piece, turncoat Jedi Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), and are put at the mercy of some ferocious, prehistoric-type beasts in a teeming, carved-rock arena so enormous it makes the ancient circuses of "Ben-Hur" and "Gladiator" look like playpens. As if this amazing sequence weren't enough, it's followed staggering combat between masses of Separatist droids and Republican clones, a desperate air chase and a succession of lightsaber duels, the last of which is smashingly funny and exciting, involving an unexpected and remarkably nimble little participant. Lovely, quiet and portentous final scene will leave millions of fans eager for the series resumption, scheduled for three years hence. Full-fledged arrival of Lee in the final act raises the level of drama, and of thesping as well, to a new level, and it's amusing to reflect on how this 79-year-old vet has cornered the market in villainy in two of the biggest film series now going, "Star Wars" and "Lord of the Rings"; all he needs now is a role in one of the "Harry Potter" pics. But another happy surprise is that McGregor, who seemed blandly ineffectual in "Menace," begins coming into his own here. Bearded, more confident now and gingerly affecting some odd enunciation, the actor indicates he may have strategized to start slowly in the role and increasingly channel Alec Guinness across the arc of the trilogy to the point where the two actors merge in the public's mind. Samuel L. Jackson has more to do this time as a Jedi Master and political insider, and, delightfully, so does Yoda, who is voiced with relish by Frank Oz and, in his new digital incarnation, has infinitely more mobility and expressiveness than the character did in its "Return of the Jedi" heyday. The world will breathe easier in the knowledge that Jar Jar Binks has been significantly sidelined and evidently sedated, although it's funny to learn that this most dim-witted of characters has now entered politics, as Padme empowers him with her vote in the Senate when she's forced to flee. Unfortunately, the central couple must be tolerated rather than truly enjoyed. Brilliant as a young teen actress and steadily impressive thereafter, Portman now seems calcified as she delivers flat line readings with little facial or physical expressiveness; for the long period during which Anakin anguishes over his love for her, it's impossible to tell what she feels about it. The handsome Christensen seems like a callow lad, giving the impression more of a spoiled kid than someone who's spent his formative years obediently at the side of a Jedi teacher, but he seems responsive to the progressive dark layerings, creating a measure of hope for Episode III. Design-wise, pic is magnificently of a piece with the previous films and then some, with advancing technology offering increased opportunities with every installment. The impression of "painted" backdrops in "Menace" is reduced here, and the work of production designer Gavin Bocquet, costume designer Trisha Biggar and the enormous art, animation and effects crews is stupendous. Lucas has drawn considerable attention to his having shot the film entirely on 24-frame High Definition digital video; at press preview caught, digitally projected images looked clean and cool, with colors appearing slightly more muted than their celluloid equivalents in the '70s-'80s trilogy, and the browns in dark interior scenes washing together without definition. After doing a noisy recycling act on "Menace," John Williams has gone back to serious work on this one with a score that strongly supports, rather than overwhelms, the action, and provides more of a darkly romantic surge in its main theme than the actors are able to muster.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:08 p.m. CST

    People Magazine's Review

    by Darth Melkor

    "The best Star Wars since Empire"

  • May 9, 2002, 9:09 p.m. CST

    IAmLegolas

    by fladnaG

    I just thought I'd let you know that you summed up my feelings on the whole Star Wars thing pretty well. And as my name may suggest I am a LOTR fan but I'm not just a one movie guy. I'll give any movie a chance. I just have reservations about AOTC because of TPM and some of the reviews that I have read. I just hope there's more to it then just eye candy. I really hope so.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:23 p.m. CST

    EW critics

    by frank cotton

    if i'm not mistaken, this is the same chick that gave the matrix a C+ way back when. WHY WHY WHY does anyone ever let a chick (or a guy that may as well be one) review a sci-fi film? i've yet to meet a single female that could even follow the matrix, let alone one that liked it. if there aren't tears involved, they just don't care. sorry, but i can't stand any of the EW losers, and i've been wanting to flame them for three years. and by the way, a lot of you are starting to sound just like them. if you want character development, go rent a streisand film. lay off the estrogen already. looking forward to may 16, still playing JEDI KNIGHT 3.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:34 p.m. CST

    tomatoes

    by Darth Melkor

    AOTC has 15 positive and 4 negative so far on rottentomatoes.com.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:52 p.m. CST

    EW review...

    by PurityOfEssence

    Ya she gave the matrix a c- i think. Oh and a B+ to the Brittny Spears epic journy CROSSROADS... Doesn't take much to be a critic i guess.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:55 p.m. CST

    only six more

    by buzza

    days to go till AOTC opens here in Australia!! a full 17 hours before you guys in the good old US see it,and i'm more excited than big kev cause i'll be there for the first midnight screening at Village gold class in Melbourne.

  • May 9, 2002, 9:56 p.m. CST

    How did you see the New York Times review already?

    by Kikstad

    Unless they're reviewing it at the Tribeca Film Festival. Anyway, if the critic is Elvis Mitchell, then I respect his opinion. But if its any of the other Times hacks like A.O. Scott or that Holden dude, bah.

  • May 9, 2002, 10:10 p.m. CST

    Link to NY Times review

    by Kikstad

    It's by A.O. Scott so take it with a grain of salt. Elvis Mitchell is a better critic. http://pub3.ezboard.com/ftherobsidestarwarsepisodeiiinformation.showMessage?topicID=172.topic

  • May 9, 2002, 10:27 p.m. CST

    When did Return of the Jedi become a bad movie?

    by MOSDEF

    Everyone, I MEAN EVERYONE, who went with me that warm summer evening in 1983 came out of the theater completely exhilarated. I will always love Return of the Jedi. I think the internet has really ruined the fun and general good spirit of these and every other popcorn flick.

  • May 9, 2002, 10:34 p.m. CST

    Answer: The Minute It Was Released

    by Rebeck

  • May 9, 2002, 10:35 p.m. CST

    Yes, Star Wars is Better Than Rings

    by rattler_pk

    To metsrulein2k, how can you say Star Wars has no story or that it contains bad acting? The story is tremondous and sweeping while the Rings story is predictable to say the least. Also, Rings only got one acting nomination for a reason. Give me Vader and Yoda over any one of the countless forgettable characters in the Rings trilogy. Star Wars is saga, Rings is a nice little trilogy!

  • May 9, 2002, 10:43 p.m. CST

    Oh the good ole days.

    by Danetheman98

    I too miss the simple times when you went too a movie and most of the hype went on while you were in line. There was good will and fun had by all. We could actually talk about all the other films we loved and nobody got angry or defensive. We were just so happy to have these type of movies on the big screen. Man does anyone remember when we were lucky to get one decent Sci/fi Fantasy flick on the big screen in a whole year. I think people are way too spoiled. Go see Episode 2, Spiderman, Signs, The Two Towers,Matrix and any other movie of this type and pray that they are all good. This will only lead too more of these kinds of pictures and you never know when another great one might pop up.

  • May 9, 2002, 10:46 p.m. CST

    YOU CAN SEE YODA FIGHT RIGHT NOW !!!!!

    by Ralph Wiggum

    GO TO THE ALWAYS NASTY CONSUMPTIONJUNCTION.COM.....GO TO THE VIDEO SECTION, SOMEONE BROUGHT A VIDEO CAMERA TO A THEATER THAT SHOWS YODA FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • It's long, but funny in light of ESB generally being regarded as the best SW film, and a geek favorite.+++++++++ "'The Empire Strikes Back' Strikes a Bland Note By VINCENT CANBY The Force is with us but let's try to keep our heads. These things are certifiable: "The Empire Strikes Back," George Lucas's sequel to his "Star Wars," the biggest grossing motion picture of all time, has opened. On the basis of the early receipts, "The Empire Strikes Back" could make more money than any other movie in history, except, maybe, "Star Wars." It is the second film in a projected series that may last longer than the civilization that produced it. Confession: When I went to see "The Empire Strikes Back" I found myself glancing at my watch almost as often as I did when I was sitting through a truly terrible movie called "The Island." The Empire Strikes Back" is not a truly terrible movie. It's a nice movie. It's not, by any means, as nice as "Star Wars." It's not as fresh and funny and surprising and witty, but it is nice and inoffensive and, in a way that no one associated with it need be ashamed of, it's also silly. Attending to it is a lot like reading the middle of a comic book. It is amusing in fitful patches but you're likely to find more beauty, suspense, discipline, craft and art when watching a New York harbor pilot bring the Queen Elizabeth 2 into her Hudson River berth, which is what "The Empire Strikes Back" most reminds me of. It's a big, expensive, time-consuming, essentially mechanical operation. Gone from "The Empire Strikes Back" are those associations that so enchanted us in "Star Wars," reminders of everything from the Passion of Jesus and the stories of Beowulf and King Arthur to those of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, the Oz books, Buck Rogers and Peanuts. Strictly speaking, "The Empire Strikes Back" isn't even a complete narrative. It has no beginning or end, being simply another chapter in a serial that appears to be continuing not onward and upward but sideways. How, then, to review it? The fact that I am here at this minute facing a reproachful typewriter and attempting to get a fix on "The Empire Strikes Back" is, perhaps, proof of something I've been suspecting for some time now. That is, that there is more nonsense being written, spoken and rumored about movies today than about any of the other so-called popular arts except rock music. The Force is with us, indeed, and a lot of it is hot air. Ordinarily when one reviews a movie one attempts to tell a little something about the story. It's a measure of my mixed feelings about "The Empire Strikes Back" that I'm not at all sure that I understand the plot. That was actually one of the more charming conceits of "Star Wars," which began with a long, intensely complicated message about who was doing what to whom in the galactic confrontations we were about to witness and which, when we did see them, looked sort of like a game of neighborhood hide-and-seek at the Hayden Planetarium. One didn't worry about its politics. One only had to distinguish the good persons from the bad. This is pretty much the way one is supposed to feel about "The Empire Strikes Back," but one's impulse to know, to understand, cannot be arrested indefinitely without doing psychic damage or, worse, without risking boredom. This much about "The Empire Strikes Back" I do understand: When the movie begins, Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) and their gang are hanging out on a cold, snowy planet where soldiers ride patrols on animals that look like ostrich-kangaroos, where there are white-furred animals that are not polar bears and where Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) almost freezes to death. Under the command of Darth Vader, the forces of the Empire attack, employing planes, missiles and some awfully inefficient tanks that have the shape of armor-plated camels. Somehow Han Solo and Princess Leia escape. At that point Luke Skywalker flies off to find Yoda, a guru who will teach him more about the Force, Yoda being the successor to Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi (Alec Guinness), the "Star Wars" guru who was immolated in that movie but whose shade turns up from time to time in the new movie for what looks to have been about three weeks of work. As Han Solo and Princess Leia wrestle with the forces of darkness and those of a new character played by Billy Dee Williams, an unreliable fellow who has future sainthood written all over him, Luke Skywalker finds his guru, Yoda, a small, delightful, Muppet-like troll created and operated by Frank Oz of the Muppet Show. Eventually these two stories come together for still another blazing display of special effects that, after approximately two hours, leave Han Solo, Leia and Luke no better off than they were at the beginning. I'm not as bothered by the film's lack of resolution as I am about my suspicion that I really don't care. After one has one's fill of the special effects and after one identifies the source of the facetious banter that passes for wit between Han Solo and Leia (it's straight out of B-picture comedies of the 30's), there isn't a great deal for the eye or the mind to focus on. Ford, as cheerfully nondescript as one could wish a comic strip hero to be, and Miss Fisher, as sexlessly pretty as the base of a porcelain lamp, become (is it rude to say?) tiresome. One finally looks around them, even through them, at the decor. If Miss Fisher does much more of this sort of thing, she's going to wind up with the Vera Hruba Ralston Lifetime Achievement Award. The other performers are no better or worse, being similarly limited by the not-super material. Hamill may one day become a real movie star, an identifiable personality, but right now it's difficult to remember what he looks like. Even the appeal of those immensely popular robots, C-3PO and R2-D2, starts to run out. In this context it's no wonder that Oz's contribution, the rubbery little Yoda with the pointy ears and his old-man's frieze of wispy hair, is the hit of the movie. But even he can be taken only in small doses, possibly because the lines of wisdom he must speak sound as if they should be sung to a tune by Jimmy Van Heusen. I'm also puzzled by the praise that some of my colleagues have heaped on the work of Irvin Kershner, whom Lucas, who directed "Star Wars" and who is the executive producer of this one, hired to direct "The Empire Strikes Back." Perhaps my colleagues have information denied to those of us who have to judge the movie by what is on the screen. Did Kershner oversee the screenplay, too? Did he do the special effects? After working tirelessly with Miss Fisher to get those special nuances of utter blandness, did he edit the film? Who, exactly, did what in this movie? I cannot tell, and even a certain knowledge of Kershner's past work ("Eyes of Laura Mars," "The Return of a Man Called Horse," "Loving") gives me no hints about the extent of his contributions to this movie. "The Empire Strikes Back" is about as personal as a Christmas card from a bank." ++++++++++ wierd eh? - disenchanted fanboys take note, THIS is how one prominent reviewer saw one of the greatest films in cinema. Note as well that ESB ACTUALLY performed the least well out of ALL the SW films. Roll on May 16th.

  • May 9, 2002, 10:53 p.m. CST

    Fine.....until.

    by Danetheman98

    Darth, Your entitled to your opinion which is a good thing until this......."The only way anyone is going to enjoy this movie is if they're 8 years old or have the IQ of an 8 year old" Now you must me 8 because thats exactly what an 8 year old would say.

  • May 9, 2002, 10:57 p.m. CST

    BBFC pricks

    by jazzuk

    By which I mean those lambasting the BBFC over TV ads which show footage not in the film approved for release. Guess what guys - it's not just the BBFC that do this. How many times do we see scenes in trailers that the _DIRECTOR_ decides shouldn't be in the final cut. And the BBFC has no jurisdiction over TV adverts - that's the job of Broadcasting Standards and Advertising Standards. Sure the BBFC gave Jurassic Park a PG - and as a parent I say categorically this was the WRONG classification given that the "12" had been established. Does anyone seriously want to suggest that "Jurassic Park" is as suitable for kids (albeit with guidance) as "Antz"? Sure, when the content is known and the parent can decide, but our system doesn't allow for the content to be described. So mummy and daddy don't know if the PG was caused by a brief bit of nudity (harmless) or by a t-rex biting a man in half which could give little Jane and Johnny very real problems to deal with. Did anyone really notice the missing head butts in "The Matrix"? No. Will anyone really notice a missing headbut in "Attack of the Clones"? of course not. We'll all be too busy crying into our beers to worry about such trivia in the face of much bigger problems which can be laid squarely at the film maker(s) themselves.

  • He's a (very obvious, very lame, very predictable, very AICN, VERY AICN) sad little troll looking for some hugs, awwwwwwwwww.

  • May 9, 2002, 11:08 p.m. CST

    YODA TRAILER

    by Ralph Wiggum

    THE NAME OF THE VIDEO FILE WITH THE YODA TRAILER IS SOMETHING LIKE"BADDEST MO-FO IN THE GALAXY"....HOPE THIS HELPS YOU FIND IT EASIER!! CANT WAIT!!!

  • May 9, 2002, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Heh, MAKE me shut up,

    by snuffape

    dipshit.

  • May 9, 2002, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Digital Star Wars

    by RogueScribner

    Has anyone seen this (or any other) movie digitally? AOTC will be shown digitally here in Orlando and I want to see it there. Roger Ebert pans it and I've heard some people praise it. I just want to know what to expect. ------------------ As for Darth Homercles, get a life, man. Lucas didn't "rape your childhood". If you don't like the new movies, fine, but why ruin our fun? There's been a lot of positive buzz on AOTC and I for one am anxious to see it. Especially Yoda kicking ass!!! Heheheh. L8r

  • May 9, 2002, 11:24 p.m. CST

    Star Wars has always been critic proof..but

    by EliCash

    I ran in to a guy who writes for a local paper and asked him if he's seen anything good lately. And without hesitation his only answer was "Star Wars." Reading critics views on Star Wars is a pointless act. I've read so many reviews of the original trilogy that just tore them apart. I'm going to have fun...and I'm leaving my critic brain at home. And if anyone moans and groans about the bad dialogue in Star Wars, I just tell them..."Laugh it up fuzzball."

  • May 9, 2002, 11:43 p.m. CST

    Thank you, Snuffape

    by agentcooper

    I was hoping someone would post some of the negative reviews of the Holy Trilogy. You see, gang? You can't please everyone all the time, but you can please us Star Wars fans with some lightsabers, some laser beams, some combat, and some mythology. THE CLONES ATTACK IN SIX DAYS!!!

  • May 9, 2002, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Darth, Darth.....Darth

    by Danetheman98

    DarthHomercles, How sad, so much bitterness and anger. George has let you down and he owed you so much. I would say I felt bad for you but you just keep calling people names........come on buddy come up with somthing better then moron. How about Dumb #@#@ or Stupid #@##. You sad man or is that boy pretending to be a man. Now go on and right your letters too George and explain how he let you down. Maybe he will send that refund you want.

  • May 10, 2002, 12:03 a.m. CST

    The reviews are piling up...

    by Bollux

    ....but the high-profile ones aren't sounding so good.

  • May 10, 2002, 12:05 a.m. CST

    HAS ANYONE EVER NOTICED...

    by Virgil Sollozzo

    That child non-actor Eric Lloyd bears at least a faint resemblance to none other than george lucas? what with the puffy cheeks and narrow eyes? honestly, someone back me up. Secondly, I thought TPM was good when i saw it in 1999, and just alright when i saw it on FOX earlier this year, but after having seen the original three again recently, watching TPM tonight has made me realize one thing: Episode one is one boring , goofy, unbelievably lame piece of shit. Seriously. Its not the acting or writing ( or maybe it is), because the original trilogy had some damn trite dialogue and pretty wooden acting in some parts. There is a spark and an urgency in the OT that is not there in TPM. Maybe that does come from the delivery of the lines but thats not just it. something, even in the very look of the film, is just so flat. Maybe its because almost all the human characters speak like knights and maidens, and they make it all seem so stuffy. In the OT, the main characters spoke in contemporary manners, and it made them more likable and interesting, while the empire spoke like dignified stuff shirts, saying grave things and making stern declarations. Whatever is wrong with tpm,that shit just plain sucks, and I hope they got back whatever it was they lost for making AOTC. All signs in the trailer seem to point towards the positive, at least if it isnt exactly as fun as the OT, it will at least be more mature and a hell of a lot more interesting, and thats all we can really hope for. With that said, I'll be there on opening day, or maybe the day after opening day, but sometime in that first weekend.I wont go in with an expectation to be knocked on my ass by cinematic glory, but I will go in expecting a better alternative to "Deuces Wild".Maybe that aint good enuff for a Star Wars flick, but Im being realistic. At least you'll get no posts oputtta me about "childhood rape" and being "let down by Lucas".

  • May 10, 2002, 12:09 a.m. CST

    FILM THREAT LOVED IT..........warts and all.

    by sparticusmaximus

    Everyone knows Chris Gore's reputation as a Phantom Menace hater (gave it 1.5 stars): Here's his AOTC review:------------------------------------------ STAR WARS: EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES by Chris Gore 2001, Rated PG, 140min, Twentieth Century Fox (5/9/2002) I

  • May 10, 2002, 12:13 a.m. CST

    EW's Owen Gleiberman was going to give AOTC an A!

    by sparticusmaximus

    Owen Gleiberman said on E! News daily that he was going to give the new flick an A! So those fucking pricks decide to go instead with Schwartzbaum's C+. FUCK AOL/TIMEWARNER........Fuck the media!

  • May 10, 2002, 12:17 a.m. CST

    AOTC's score so far: 71 positive, 11 negative

    by sparticusmaximus

    SCORE CARD (so far) POSITIVE REVIEWS: 71 1djw-films.8k.com Ain't It Cool News (Harry and Moriarty) BBC BBCi boxofficeprophets.com canoe.com (The Calgary Sun) Carson Daly of TRL CBBC Newsround chicagoforce chud.com Cinescape CNN CommingSoon.net Corona Countingdown.com crazyfanboy.com The Daily Express The Daily Mail The Daily Telegraph Dave Poland dftbladet.se Digital Bits DVDFile Empire epinions.com film.de Films in Review filmjerk Film Threat home.earthlink.net Home Theater Forum Hollywood Report Card Howard Stern Internet Movie Database James King of Radio 1 JediNet.com joblo Joel Siegal of Good Morning America LDJW-Films Leonard Maltin London Evening Standard London's Metro The Mirror Movie Juice moviesgo.com The Nando Times New Zealand Herald nwlink.com People pstwo.com reelinsider.com Roger Ebert Rolling Stone starwars.gamigo.com Sci-Fi Scripps Howard New Service Steve Rhodes The Sun Susan Granger Swedish Press thetrades.com This is London Time teletext.co.uk theforce.net ugo.com Variety The Village Voice WGN's Chicago Morning News zentertainment.com zreview.com NEGATIVE REVIEWS: 11 Ain't It Cool News (Alexandra) Entertainment Weekly FoxNews.com Hollywood Reporter Independent Newspaper moviesgo.com New York Times Slant spezial.cinemade TimesUK

  • May 10, 2002, 12:19 a.m. CST

    A sample review count

    by Danetheman98

    Time:Good Hollywood Reporter:Bad EW:Bad Variety:Good People:Good New York Times:Bad BBC:Good Filmthreat:Good (had to include one of the toughest reviewers)

  • May 10, 2002, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Whoa, there, Spartacus

    by agentcooper

    Let's not criticize AOL Time Warner. They let Schwartzbaum print whatever she wanted. It's called Freedom of the Press. Despite the fact that she printed a lame, non-review review, we can rest assured that it was her words that spewed forth, uncensored by AOLTW. Personally, I cancelled my subscription to EW when I felt I could no longer stand the fact that I knew more about television and movies than any of their critics. God, most of them seem to hate EVERYTHING. Jeez, you guys, something has to be good. It's nice to hear that Owen is going to post a decent, maybe even glowing, review. Maybe the staff over at Entertainment Weekly like to be entertained after all.

  • May 10, 2002, 12:27 a.m. CST

    Let me clarify.

    by sparticusmaximus

    I say Fuck AOL/TimeWarner if they decided to go with the weaker review on purpose. It would be the antithesis of what happened with FOTR (which by the way I LOVED). Owen didn't like it. Lisa did. NEW LINE is a subsidiary of the Warner family.........The magazine went with LISA...........Do the math.

  • May 10, 2002, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Time's Review

    by Danetheman98

    Yea but Time will have a positive reveiw. Which is also owned by Ti....wait thats redundent. Sorry.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:02 a.m. CST

    Like I said

    by snuffape

    dipshit.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:10 a.m. CST

    Reviews

    by Danetheman98

    DarthHomercles, okay lets run a little with your argument. Lets say all the majors are a bit stuffy and elitist, just for arguments sake. So lets turn to the run of the mill internet movie site. If we do we will find the most glowing reviews of Aotc. Now are these folks stupid, trash film reviewers or a good representaion of the movie going public.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:13 a.m. CST

    keep going dipshit

    by snuffape

    this is fascinating.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:25 a.m. CST

    you know darth,

    by majorq007

    for someone so hurt and 'raped'--which, by the way, using that term outside the context of the actual act is an insult to anyone with moral decency, but i digress--by Lucas, you sure are hanging out in this talkback and afwul lot. masochistic, then? i suppose you'll hate everything for the sake of hating it. i'm not being a ' dont-post-if-you-dont-like-it' type of trolls, but really, state your disappointment and move on. don't dwell on the damn thing. and i always laugh when people use 'bad dialogue' and the like to describe star wars. hello? where have we been? that's the curse of sites like these. suddenly, everyone's 'savvy' with the 'biz,' and they throw around their precious insider/critic concpets, aspects of film that were never really meant to be applied to movies like spider-man, star wars, and (somewhat) LOTR. so i laugh when people consider themselves informed critics and complain about 'characterization,' 'dialogue,' and the nuances of acting to dexribe STAR WARS. tells me they're missing the point. anyways, on another topic: you can trust TIME over EW because the former has a tradition of removed independence, while AOL/TW execs view the latter as a platform from which to advertise their films. Which is why i read, but do not trust, EW. having said all this, i have no opinion on AOTC. Why? cause i haven't seen it yet. rest assured, when i do, i will formulate an opinion. but going into it, i have plenty of fears and excitements, worries and hopes. i don't know how i'll go. but i do know that people are expecting the wrong things from it: sites like these have been a great blessing, but ' with great power comes great responsibility.' suddenly we've got a vocabulary and a forum from which to spout our views, but very few here are actually doing that. and it'll destroy the magic of film. oh, and? let's not say 'rape' anymore, kay? have some class. bye.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:37 a.m. CST

    Ebert thumbs down aaargggh!!!!

    by pajamo12

    SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EBERT SAYS NO! GOD DAMNIT!!!!! "Local ABC station WLS showed some highlights from this weeks "Ebert and Roeper" on the news earlier today. While it seems as if Roeper really enjoyed the film, Ebert did not. Which is shocking, considering that Ebert gave Phantom Menace one of its best reviews. The highlights seemed to insinuate that Ebert thought that the effects were too over the top and that the story had too many holes in it." PLEASE let this be a typo!!!!!

  • May 10, 2002, 1:43 a.m. CST

    see ya!

    by snuffape

    dipshit.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:50 a.m. CST

    Chicago Tribune raves

    by sparticusmaximus

    Chicago channel CLTV just had Michael Wilmington, the Chicago Tribune critic, give a run down of summer movies. His take on AOTC: "the most exciting and visually spectacular Star Wars movie to date." Then he mentioned something about it setting us up for the eventual appearance of Luke. Take that NY Times!

  • May 10, 2002, 1:59 a.m. CST

    kool to hear about Tribune liking it

    by pajamo12

    where the review link please? God, I hope that Ebert not liking it is false. I mean, roepper is the only guy who had a negative thing to say about LotR and he gave thumbs up to EpII? But Ebert loved ALL the SW flicks and didn;t like it? W T F ???

  • May 10, 2002, 2:14 a.m. CST

    ebert...

    by majorq007

    i still *want* to trust Ebert's reviews. but the man didn't like Spider-Man or Gladiator, yet he enjoyed Tomb Raider. I just...I don't...what's going on, I mean really? I find myself taking a HUGE grain of salt with his reviews nowadays. i scoffed the other day when a talkbacker accused ebert of being out of touch and just embittered with his negative reviews. but i looked into some of his more specious decisions, and there's truth to the criticism of ebert. ah well..........and darth? brilliant retort. brilliant. and you have a life (as a 36 year old! 36! wow, that's impressive....) though you obviously waste most of it here. well done.

  • May 10, 2002, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Ebert

    by Darth Melkor

    He hasn't officially given it thumbs down. They just said the clip that was shown had him saying the effects were overdone so people have assumed. But maybe he did, guess we'll see. And yeah I like Ebert but I agree. 2 stars for Gladiator... 3 for Tomb Raider?

  • May 10, 2002, 2:24 a.m. CST

    Ahh, lucky me!

    by Thundr_st0rm

    Wow! Am I surprised. When I was sent to this litle island in the pacific, Guam, 4 months ago, I had no idea that THIS would happen. Since Guam is a US territory, and we are about a day and a half ahead of the states time wise, the FIRST SHOWING of AOTC to the general public will be HERE! Amazing! We have this little ghetto theatre on the island (the only one for 1000 miles, literaly!) that will be first on the planet! Don't tell ol' George Lucas, or he might try to change it somehow!

  • May 10, 2002, 2:53 a.m. CST

    Moriarty's Friend

    by Voice O. Reason

    The passing of Moriarty's friend is unfortunate and best wished to those who remember him fondly.

  • May 10, 2002, 2:58 a.m. CST

    What I thought of AOTC

    by Voice O. Reason

    My favorite part was when the one of Jedi was fighting the clones, and then some other stuff happened. And C-3PO and R2-D2 were there and Yoda saved the day. Man, those effects were cool. Wow, that was exciting! What, you don't believe that I really saw it? Half the other fuckers on this board claim to have seen it too, but nobody questions them, do they?

  • May 10, 2002, 3:30 a.m. CST

    Spoiler Free Episode Three!!!

    by Tromaboy

    First off sorry about the loss Moriarity, and now the the meat and potatoes I agree whole heartedly that spoilers be damned for the finale of this grand adventure known as Star Wars. I think we kind of owe it to Lucas as a sort of thank you for molding us into the people we are today, I wouldn't be doing cartoons and films if it wasn't for Star Wars, and for that I think that we should steer clear of posting spoilers and encouraging people to steer clear of them as well. Granted its ones own choice to read and view spoliers, but spoiler free would be the way to see the final film.

  • May 10, 2002, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Clones cut in the U.K.

    by Addanc

    I've just heard that they've made a cut to the film in the U.K, but it's only 1 second. Apparently it's a headbutt scene (a similar scene was cut from the video release of Judge Dredd - although it was left in in the 'making of' featurette - go figure). Why?

  • May 10, 2002, 4:28 a.m. CST

    reviews

    by BountyHunter1

    Why do so many people seem upset over reviews in EW and the NY Times? And Ebert gave AOTC a thumbs down? Who cares? People, don't let those jackasses, who write bad reviews probably because they couldn't make it in Hollywood themselves, ruin your expectations of a film. Go and see the films you want to see and form your own opinions about them. Love them because you want to; hate them because you want to. Stop living your lives like sheep. Be your own person. This is for all the people on these boards who watch movies and then complain about them on the internet:#1- Special effects do not look real for one reason: Because they are not real; if they were real the wouldn't be special effects now would they? #2- If every movie you people saw really sucked, why waste your time coplaining about them on the internet; go make your own movies if you can do better. P.S. Sorry about your friend Moriarity. I feel for you, man.

  • May 10, 2002, 9:13 a.m. CST

    BOYCOTT STAR WARS -- GO SEE SPIDEY INSTEAD

    by fonebone

    The New York Times has confirmed what many of us suspected, but didn't want to believe -- "don't believe the hype!" Check out the review here: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/05/10/movies/10STAR.html. Now is the time to act. Next weekend -- BOYCOTT STAR WARS!!! Or better yet -- GO SEE SPIDERMAN!!! If we can actually make Star Wars the Number 2 movie next weekend, THAT would send Lucas and Fox a message -- no more crappy films! If you want to join me in this effort, write to me at "boycottstarwars@yahoo.com". By next week I'll compile a list of everyone who's on board and send it to the media. Together, we can make something happen.

  • May 10, 2002, 9:34 a.m. CST

    RottenTomatoes down 4 to 58%

    by MinasTirith

    This heap of rubbish of a move, AOTC, has lost 4% since yesterday. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/StarWarsEpisodeIIAttackoftheClones-1112314/

  • May 10, 2002, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Review my SciFi treatment at www.filmwriter.biz (thanks)

    by dmezei

    Let me know what you think, I'm writing a treatment that combines TLOR, star wars, and the matrix. The reviews are good. God to www.filmwriter.biz. Gracias.

  • I can't STAND shitty dialogue, or scenes that don't add to a story. I think Lucas is only really interested in the technology of making the film, the film itself is just an excuse to see what he can do with digital cameras. And make some cashola on the side off us naive lovers of star wars. Too bad eh? Check out MY scifi treatment script at www.filmwriter.biz. If you have a script, I'll load it up for you...

  • Bought my tickets a month ago, and will be there for the five past midnight showing on the opening day. Then in June I'll go see Spiderman (the CGI of Spidey in the trailer doesn't look too hot, but I'll be there nevertheless). And in November I'll be there for Harry Potter, followed by The Two Towers in December. No doubt I'll like them all. I've been a Star Wars fan since seeing A New Hope in 1977 aged 7 and I can't wait til next Wednesday. It may not be as good as any of the episodes in the original trilogy, but then again, it just might. Either way, it's Star Wars and I must see it (and will be back several times before Spiderman no doubt). I must admit though that if I had the choice between watching Episode 2 or The Two Towers and never getting to see the other, I'd have to go with The Two Towers (and I honestly am a massive Star Wars fan). Thank the gods I can see both!

  • May 10, 2002, 10:40 a.m. CST

    NYT review

    by alcester

    DRUDGE REPORT has link to review, sounds like its not that great, mostly just a special effects thing, lets face it the thrill of the the first is long gone.

  • May 10, 2002, 10:44 a.m. CST

    new star wars movie

    by fun guy

    i like some star wars movies and the first ones that came out were great. i want to see the new one but i dont want them to have my money so im gonna wait until i can see it free somehow. then i'm gonna decide if its good enough for them to get my money.

  • May 10, 2002, 10:55 a.m. CST

    I can't takes no more.......

    by justsomedude

    Alright people I am a shadow man on this sight...I read the reviews and critiques(oh btw Harry your doing a great job..keep it up...that goes for all of your partners in crime.... Morarity sorry about your loss)and I almost never reply in the talkback because conversations get pretty volatile, pointless, childish, and circular. Most people want to flame or incite something...so I pretty much steer clear(most likely this reply will be lost in the countless replies this topic educes). On the other side of things, people spend an inorderiate amount of time defending something they love(don't we all). My biggest suggestion to that side of the story(even the level headed contributors...thank God for you guys..you know who you are)is why bother? Don't spend this much time wasting precious moments of your life defending something that doesn't need to be defended. I love Star Wars as much as the next guy(going to see it at the Ziegfield in New York on the 16th..will be my second time :))but let's not try to convert the unconvertible. Anywho, to the more important things at hand. I am a levelheaded Star Wars fan as they go..I am not fanatical..I don't buy the endless novels, books, toys, spandex, cereals, panties, socks, shoes, backpacks, lunchboxes, videogames(well not most of them...Jedi Outcast rules), posters, life-size anatomically correct dolls, and other frivolous items that Uncle George provides(hey supply and demand I can't stop that). I would say that I am more of a fan of movies in general(my favorite director is David Lean)than strictly Star Wars(holds special place in my heart). I go to college, I work a fulltime job(waiting tables sucks)and pretty much any free time I spend deals with working out and maintain a healthy lifestyle. My life is pretty focused, yet chaotic at times(However I get by). I do not have the freedom with my time discussing every issue, nuance, problem, argument, news, and reports in the world of Star Wars(although I do frequent...early in the day..Harry's site, as well as theforce.net). With that said, yes I have seen Attack of the Clone's(A friend of mine works at a theater and invited me the other night to watch a "Prepping" presentation..he could bring one friend or family member..nice guy ain't he?), yes it the best Star Wars movie since the Empire Strikes Back(although Empire still numero uno in my book). Yes, it will do amazing business that will probably eclipse the Phantom Menace and best Titanic(Don't know about Spiderman opening weekend thing..It

  • May 10, 2002, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Spoiler: Who's voice is it?

    by Cracksmith

    It's the voice of Qui-gon. Check out Salvatore's SW Ep2 book.

  • May 10, 2002, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Why is it opening on a Thursday?

    by Kiyone

    Usually, when studios want to inflate the opening weekend box office figures, they open the biggest of the blockbusters on Wednesdays. THE PHANTOM MENACE opened on a Wednesday, and so did LOTR:FOTR. I've never before heard of a big movie like this opening on a Thursday.

  • May 10, 2002, 11:39 a.m. CST

    elf

    by fun guy

    hey man why do you say mean stuff about lord of the rings. i think its cool. that nambla comment was dumb. your probably a member of that group just trying use this site to advertise and get new members. hope you like the new star wars movie. i'll see the star wars movie later on im in no hurry

  • May 10, 2002, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Ebert goes bonkers on AOTC after he sees a fuzzy-wuzzy screening

    by Pizza The Hut

    Geez, Roger! Every other reviewer raves about the quality of the digital film, and say that the movie is quite an improvement over TPM (desite it's flaws). Meanwhile, here you spend about three-fourths of your review bashing the digital film industry, just because a). you might need new glasses, b). your projectionist may have been off eating a cheeseburger while the film was showing, or c). the projector at your theather is on it's last leg. Agenda?? OH, YEAH!!! In addition, since you liked TPM better than AOTC, unlike about 98% of all other film critics, this also goes to prove how your review is without merit.

  • May 10, 2002, 12:21 p.m. CST

    WOW!! This is romance at its best!!!

    by MinasTirith

    Anakin tells Padme at one point: "I don't like the sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating--not like you. You're soft and smooth." --- So sweet and innocent, no? Oh yeah, I know the excuse, it's a kids film. The love scenes in Toy Story were soooo much better!!!

  • May 10, 2002, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Stop criticizing the critics

    by Renata

    Being relatively new to this site, less than four months, I've never seen anything so...well, pointless as writing off a critic's opinion by pointing out their past reviews, their resume, so to speak. For the record, Ebert's review is at the Sun Times website. He did give AOTC a bad review, but hedged his bets saying he'd have to see it again. Apparently, he saw it in a film theatre and felt much of the impact might have been lost. He'll make it a point of seeing it digitally and weighing in then; but, let's face it, he spent half his review talking about how much better film projection is. Yes, Ebert is a classicist. Nothing wrong with that. I feel HD is a great alternative, but I feel uneasy about its place as the only option in filmmaking. Yes, Ebert has given thumbs up to some lame movies. But so has a lot of critics. Personally, I think Lisa Schwarzbaum is the backup at EW. Owen Gleiberman is their main critic and why his review wasn't printed is beyond me. Maybe he missed the deadline, or maybe its a Ted Turner/Rupert Murdoch pissing contest. Schwarzbaum has recommended many bad movies over her career (I have an EW subscription so I'm well aware of her views). But she also championed "Dancer in the Dark" and "The Sweet Hereafter", two movies I thought not enough people got behind. And for my money, she put that bore fest LOTR as her Best Film of the Year. How many of you SW fans dissing her opinion who are also LOTR fans realize that? Anyway, my point is: It's just someone's opinion. Yes, they're in print or on t.v. so it gives them an importance. Yes, the internet and site's such as this has given the regular folks a "voice" and, for good and bad, given us a film reviewer's importance. But I think it's time to realize that a person can't help but bring baggage with them into any screening rooms. In our media saturated world, we are inundated with hype and news. It's unavoidable. How each person reacts to said news will undoubtedly affect their opinion, based on their individual personalities. I've glanced over most reviews by using Force.Net as a source, and I don't remember any SW movie being so divisive. Remember three weeks back when all the buzz was positive. Well, everyone knew it was too good to be true. Of course the dialogue was going to be hackneyed. It's Lucas, not Billy Wilder. Of course the love story seems forced. This seemed pretty apparent in the trailers and even the most positive reviews have noticed this. However, there does seem to be a dividing line of love it/hate it. This makes the movie interesting to me. How can a summer popcorn movie draw such widely varied views? I mean, it's not a Cronenberg movie, right? Perhaps the zip hasn't gone from SW. Perhaps SW as a narrative hasn't seen its best days. Perhaps what's change is people's perception of the series. Perhaps everyone wants the movie to be something different. Perhaps this is a franchise caught in that unique spot: a no lose/no win situation.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:42 p.m. CST

    People NEED to CALM down!

    by HollyS

    From the crazy Recent stuff I just read it made me realize that some peoples emotions are high. If people DID SEE AOTC then let them post there opinion without having to bash it PLEASE!!! And if you give it so much of a reply you only make them look better. I mean Darth H's review only pointed out his own thoughts of the movie but then his review wont sway me to not see the film. And like him I also didnt like The Phantom Menace. But regardless I'm curiouse about AOTC. And when I post my thoughts will people also bash me too if I say I didn't like it? Or if I gave it a great review will they bash it too? Come on people relax and just let others have there say. And as for the hard core starwars fans you guys need to relax and not take this so seriously! Anyway i cant wait to see the film and NO i dont belive in looking at the critics point of view. I've always belived in having your own thoughts on a movie. So lets all get along and have fun with the movies coming out this summer. P.S For the person who says BAN LOTR. LOTR WAS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES OF LAST YEAR!!

  • May 10, 2002, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Why many people must die.

    by Shaggins

    Look at this talkback. Just look at the titles of some of the posts. Isn't it clear to see that there are some very clearly warped minds out there- individuals who have a bent perspective, who have some kind of sickening, wrong agenda? Instead of applauding what is obviously the best movie of the year on account of it being a Star Wars movie, what do we have? Some sick, jealous fucks, spewing every kind of dispicable comment against it. I mean if I was the paranoid type I'd be looking for some glaring reason for this incredible situation. Surely this isn't simple human nature. Humans appreciate what is good. This then has to be something more. What can be causing grown men to have hatred for the greatest motion picture series of all time? Perhaps it's the movies themselves. Maybe i'm still too young to understand what they are trying to say. Perhaps when I get older i'll finally understand what Star Wars is about and then hate it myself :) Until then all haters should be remorselessly wiped off the face of the earth. After all you have no excuse. Star Wars is there to be loved.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Why many people must die.

    by Shaggins

    Look at this talkback. Just look at the titles of some of the posts. Isn't it clear to see that there are some very clearly warped minds out there- individuals who have a bent perspective, who have some kind of sickening, wrong agenda? Instead of applauding what is obviously the best movie of the year on account of it being a Star Wars movie, what do we have? Some sick, jealous fucks, spewing every kind of dispicable comment against it. I mean if I was the paranoid type I'd be looking for some glaring reason for this incredible situation. Surely this isn't simple human nature. Humans appreciate what is good. This then has to be something more. What can be causing grown men to have hatred for the greatest motion picture series of all time? Perhaps it's the movies themselves. Maybe i'm still too young to understand what they are trying to say. Perhaps when I get older i'll finally understand what Star Wars is about and then hate it myself :) Until then all haters should be remorselessly wiped off the face of the earth. After all you have no excuse. Star Wars is there to be loved.

  • May 10, 2002, 1:58 p.m. CST

    to rattler:

    by metsrulein2k

    you call LOTR predictable and a "nice little trilogy"? yah ok! because nobody could have predicted that the death star was gonna be destroyed in ANH! and, gasp! what a shock, Luke skywalker was the one who destroyed it! man, I never saw that one coming! and he used the force! whoa how do they come up with that stuff? and as for LOTR only getting 1 acting nomination, how many did TPM get for acting? or if you really wanna get into oscar nominations, I do believe that SW got 12, LOTR got 13. But I dont give a rats ass about the academy awards, so lets ditch that subject. As for LOTR being a "nice little trilogy", do I need to remind you that there is no SW without that "nice little trilogy" Ive said it a bunch of times so I'll say it again, SW fans should be grateful that there ever was a LOTR because there is no Lucas or SW without it, so instead of bashing LOTR, you should appreciate it for giving your precious Lucas the inspiration for his god forsaken trilogy, show try showing some damn respect the next time you make a post!

  • May 10, 2002, 2:13 p.m. CST

    god, i can't wait.

    by deftone

    can't can't. or, maybe i CAN wait, but i don't really want to. i almost got into a wreck looking at the sign saying "tickets for Episode 2 on sale now" by the way, did anyone go to celebration 2? i did. it was f-u-n. got a little wonky at all the merchandise though (the boy stood in front of a table of lightsabers drolling for a half hours)

  • May 10, 2002, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Another review of "Empire" from 1980

    by Bollux

    You know, the more of these I read, the more I wonder why we listen to critics at all... 'The Empire Strikes Back' By Judith Martin Washington Post Staff Writer May 23, 1980 To call "The Empire Strikes Back" a good junk movie is no insult: There is enough bad junk around. And surely we're getting over the snobbery of pretending that it is undemocratic to recognize any hierarchy of culture, as if both low and high can't be appreciated, often be the same people. But when light entertainment is done well, someone is bound to make extravagant and unsupportable claims for its being great art. You will hear that this sequel to "Star Wars" is part of a vast new mythology, as if it were the Oresteia. Its originator, George Lucas, has revealed that the two pictures are actually parts four and five of a nine-part sage, as if audiences will some day receive the total the way devotees now go to Seattle for a week of immersion in Wagner's complete Ring Cycle. Nonsense. This is no monumental artistic work, but a science-fiction movie done more snappily than most, including its own predecessor. A chocolate bar is a marvelous sweet that does not need to pretend to be a chocolate souffl

  • May 10, 2002, 2:19 p.m. CST

    no anakin, no!

    by Salchucks

    when you hear the voice saying no anakin, no! it is qui-gon. it says so in the novel.

  • May 10, 2002, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Dialogue in SW films

    by DouglasAH

    I'd like there to be more quotable dialogue in AOTC than in TPM, but if there isn't, it won't detract from the movie for me. Sure, in Empire, the love developing between Han and Leia provided moments of levity away from Luke's trials. But the character being lured by the Dark Side in this movie IS one of the star-crossed lovers, and we've got to accept that and realize that this movie will be darker and have less witty banter between the leads. Ebert can't quote any memorable dialogue from the film? Well, he probably can't quote any from TPM, or from movies like A Better Tomorrow, for that matter. This installment in the saga has a storyline to it, unlike TPM, at least. And something to remember: this isn't teenagers in space like the Trilogy. These characters wouldn't talk to each other in one-liners and playful banter.

  • May 10, 2002, 3:02 p.m. CST

    dmezei, your treatment SUCKS.

    by MOSDEF

    Sorry, man. Its not even a treatment. Its a script, AND its in the wrong format. And you have the NERVE to criticize Lucas? You don't have an original thought in the entire story. You have no right to criticize Lucas. Helpful Hint: Buy William Goldman's ADVENTURES IN THE SCREEN TRADE (i think thats the title) But you're exposed man, a wannabe writer who's jealous of a guy who got rich off of his imagination.

  • May 10, 2002, 3:32 p.m. CST

    AICN:Please keep this review up until after the may 16 weekend-M

    by Tarl_Cabot

    Great job as always M! You are the best! I refused to read the post-spoilers portion of the review as I'd like to enjoy one second of unspoiled footage of AOTC. I'm heading into 'Clones with an open mind and optimistic attitude;I want to be enthralled and taken away...I'll remember that these are supposed to be homages to the campy seriels of the 30's and 40's and not expect perfection but 2 hours of corny popcorn movie fun! The acting? Never great before but still managed to allow me to care about the characters. I'm surprised NP is getting negative reviews-I thought she was not only adorable in "Where the heart is" but very good in emotionally demanding scenes. Anyway,Please keep this review up so I can read it after I see the movie-I noticed your Spiderman review was cleared for Harry's take on Spidey. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. **Peace

  • well in such a long talkback it seems to be senseless to post anything...however.. one of my big sorrows and fears is that the dialoge will be CLUMSY as in ep1(well in much scenes it WAS clumsy!!!)! i hope mori had menitioned it. it.....aahhhhhhh..can`t wait to see .....

  • May 10, 2002, 3:59 p.m. CST

    See Spidey?

    by Darth Melkor

    Someone above said people should go see Spidey cause AOTC is rotten and Ebert gave it thumbs down? Uh... looks like AOTC is fresh at the moment and Ebert gave thumbs down to Spidey too. Roeper however loved both so go fig.

  • May 10, 2002, 4 p.m. CST

    ok why hatred...that`s right...

    by drjones

    PEOPLE WHO LOVE STAR WARS SHOULD ACCEPT AND TOLERATE PEOPLE WHO DON`T.**************************AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND GUYS WHO HATE STAR WARS SHOOOOUUULD TOOOLLERAATEE THOOOOOSE GEEEKS WHOOOO JUUUSSTT LIIKKE ITTT...OK??????? it`S so simple...and it should be NOTHING BUT T Y P I C A L for geeks because it`s our philosophy that EVERYONE HAS ANOTHER LOOK AT FILMS...AAND SOMEONE WHO WRITES IN THAT TAKLBACK SHOULD JUST RESPECT IT. may the force be with you...

  • May 10, 2002, 4:57 p.m. CST

    Funny AOTC line

    by Darth Brooks

    (Spoiler = tiny) Saw it at the Ziegfield Tuesday afternoon and one of the bigger laughs was with Padme in a tight leather bustierre in front of a fireplace saying, "but you're a Jedi - and I'm a Senator!"

  • May 10, 2002, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Gad, what an ugly mess...

    by Morton

    Well, this has broken down to either "God bless [Moriarty, Chris Gore, whomever], they are the greatest critic ever born because they agree with my opinion of AOTC even though I haven't seen the movie yet" or "I hate Star Wars nerds" so I'll try to be brief. I did see the movie, I agree with most of the criticisms leveled at it, it CAN be enjoyed on a technical level with a good dose of some fun for dedicated Star Wars junkies. Two things about reviews: Maybe you don't trust Roger Ebert, but it IS kinda notable that this is his first ever negative review of a Star Wars movie--and wasn't a lot of TPM filmed digitally? I saw AOTC projected digitally and it looked fabulous--better get yer butts to a digital theater if you're going to see the movie. Secondly, irrespective of the dose of mysogyny reflected in angry comments about Lisa Schwartzbaum and Alexandra DuPont not liking AOTC, that is a CRUCIAL hint about its potential box-office. Whatever you may have thought of Spider-Man, it played to younger and older audiences AND male and female audiences equally--that's been born out in exit polls. That's a major reason why it's making so much money right now. AOTC has no such cross-gender appeal. The love story is excrutiating, Natalie Portman is a stiff (if you thought Kirsten Dunst was dull in Spider-Man, imagine an order of magnitude duller) and Hayden Christensen, while not that bad, is not the sort of character to get females rushing to the theater. I think that could hurt the movie's longterm box office prospects. But it's STILL going to make a lot of money. I do not see it besting Titanic. You gotta bring in women to do that.

  • May 10, 2002, 5:14 p.m. CST

    For the record...

    by m2298

    A.O. Scott, the NY TIMES crtic that skewered AOTC was the only critic I know of that liked (loved?) FREDDY GOT FINGERED.

  • May 10, 2002, 5:28 p.m. CST

    dmezei's treatment and misc. stuff

    by RU486

    Sorry man, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I have to agree with the previous poster. It's not very good. Pretty much everything about it is wrong. That opening line is so pastiche and turned me off from the start! Take a screenwriting class or at least pick up Syd Field's book "Screenplay" to learn the basics of screenwriting form. On other topics, these talk backs just crack me up with all the rhetorical language and childish criticisms that get tossed around. IMO Spider-man and LotR:FotR were mediocre films (Well, Spider-man was a little above mediocre). TPM was a disappointment with dashes of visceral moments and as far as AotC goes I'll find out for myself in less than a week. If it sucks it sucks, if it's good it's good...who cares! But you're all entertaining nonetheless.

  • May 10, 2002, 6:01 p.m. CST

    hey, thanks for the reviews, sux or not

    by dmezei

    At least people are reading the pages. Exposed eh? That's pretty good, but you'll have to be a little more specific. And yep, I've redone the format a bit, though not too concerned about the number of tabs for dialogue etc right now. As far as stealing ideas, can't be too sure about what you mean, there's only a handful of archetypes out there. But anyway, stay tuned. I think the writing is about 500 times better than any shit out there this weekend, including starwars, or should I say, especially star wars. As far as opening lines, I like it provided the acting is good. What's the matter, you only watch TPM?

  • May 10, 2002, 6:11 p.m. CST

    hey, thanks for the reviews, sux or not

    by dmezei

    OK, I made a few changes...

  • May 10, 2002, 6:14 p.m. CST

    Great review - Here's hoping!

    by JMYoda

    I want AOTC to be good so bad. As you all know I've been majorly critical of TPM (and I always will be.) That film is a mess with about 90 mins of needless material that adds nothing to the saga. Now I'm hearing this film is darn good (the fact that Ebert hates it is a good sign, after all he loved TPM) Please let this film be good! I will even keep myself from comparing it to Fellowship of the Ring... Since I know it wouldn't come close. I just wanna feel like that 5 year old kid who went to see 'Empire' after 3 years of waiting and saw the magic of Yoda come to life and the greatest Sci-fantasy movie ever. I wanna see Yoda kicks Chris Lee's ass. (For Gandalf! Ha HA!)..... That said I was pretty sure the love scenes would be flat from the trailers. I mean Natalie is brilliant in every movie she's in except Star Wars. I don't know if it's Lucas or all the blue screen work but it turns a wonderful young actress into a plastic Barbie doll. So much for hoping for a firey Leia in 'Empire" type performance. I just hope Obi-Wan, Jango, Yoda, Mace etc are so fucking cool I won't care if the Ani/Padme scenes are flat... and I hope Hayden is at least good handling teh dark aspects. I just want this film to be good! I said it before and I'll say it again, that Yoda trailer is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life! Doesn't look CGI one bit.

  • May 10, 2002, 6:16 p.m. CST

    to the idiot making comments about lucas

    by dmezei

    well, you really are a moron, you probably think TPM is a classic. Shithead...

  • May 10, 2002, 6:28 p.m. CST

    Ebert... scientific genius...

    by SK909

    Ebert now regularly criticizes things like continuity and the 'science' of films rather than making really useful points about what might be off about them. Example: Jason X. I know it's not a great film. Or maybe it's not even a good film. But most of Ebert's review consisted of him making fun of the part (I haven't seen it) where apparently the ship that they're on crashes into a bubble like city? He says that inside the ship they wouldn't be able to hear the crashing and that there wouldn't be an explosion. He then says that the makers of the film apparently don't remember the tagline of Aliens: In Space, Noone Can Hear You Scream... Something to that effect. The big genius Ebert. What a damned dickwad. Does he really think that that means there are never sounds in space? I think the makers of Alien meant that nobody on EARTH would hear you scream snce you're millions of miles away. Obviously, Ebert doesn't realize that sound, unlike light, requires a MEDIUM to travel through and that if that big bubble floating city in space in Jason X is filled with compressed air, yes, as the ship crashes into it, the sound will temporarily travel until the oxygen inside the city dissipates either through burning out or just generally separating in the vacuum of space. And the sound would travel through the spaceship I believe because it is filled with oxygen and the vibrations would make their way into the pressurized cabin and probably to the ears of the people inside. ***** My point here is that maybe Ebert shouldn't get all of his 'science' from movie posters, because it makes him look even stupider than the makers of films like Jason X when he tries to pick apart things that aren't really wrong in the first place. The thing is... EBERT REGULARLY DOES THIS IN HIS REVIEWS. I could be wrong, but I don't think he has a degree in ANYTHING except for film criticism, yet he thinks he knows everything. Every week there are letters in his answer man column correcting his erroneous views on things that he sees in films and takes it to mean that the film is of poor quality. And it's usually something scientific. I remember one week he related his views about natural selection of mates and how this is what's wrong with The Time Machine. Someone called him on his uneducated view by writing him a letter which WAS published in his answer man column. The problem is that he takes such a position of educated superiority all the time and it always blows up in his face. What a dick... I've had it with him. He's definitley senile. I wish Gene would come back from the dead and drive a stake through his enormous stomach and then anally rape Roepper with a cheese grater. And by the way, his reviews increasingly seem like yammering at a dinner party rather than real reviews. Seriously, Knowles is more focused in his reviews than Ebert these days. And about Star Wars, Ebert liked Episode 1(or pretended that he did) because it was more about the 'visuals' and that there is (exact quote) a 'certain disconnect' between Lucas and his fans and that this accounts for our poor reception of TPM. He went on to explain that this disconnect has to do with Lucas being fascinated with the visual element while we're all hung up on the mythology of it. Oh yeah? Then tell me why Lucas decided to go with the whole 'Virgin Birth' thing in TPM? If that is not a sign of the supposed 'Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell approved' mythological significance of Star Wars going to GL's head than I don't know what is. Clearly, he didn't realize that the Christ 'myth' is a much more current and sensitive religious issue (read: phoney when applied to SW's) than are indirect relationships to Greek or Roman mythology. Who knows... maybe the guy's right. After Wednesday, I don't think I'll be caring that much anymore. Oh how I'd like to be proved wrong...

  • May 10, 2002, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Mezei

    by RU486

    The red light's blinking!

  • May 10, 2002, 7:17 p.m. CST

    midiwhatzis?

    by jimmywhale

    Going back to Phantom Menace for a minute, I'd just like to say one thing. A lot has been said about what a poor movie it was, though personally I think it just had its highs and lows. However, there was one thing Lucas made a mistake with that was a shame, because it was not something he would have done in the first three films. He slowed the action down sinfully when he actually took a moment to DESCRIBE for us what these midichlorians were, and that one moment really took away from what Star Wars has always been about. Sitting around explaining things was not something Lucas did in the originals. In fact, one of the OT's strengths was that Lucas just dropped us into this universe of his, explaining nothing save for what the Force was, and said, "sink or swim!" You either accepted it or you didn't. Most of us did, thereby allowing ourselves to become transported to this strange alien realm and forget the real world for awhile. Example: that nutty krayt dragon cry Obi-Wan used to scare off the Tuskens. Going into that movie cold, you asked yourself, "What the hell was that?" If you read the novelization, there was an explanation. Not so in the film, but we bought it. In fact, in "Mythmaker," Gary Kurtz explained that the early drafts of Lucas's scripts for NH were getting so bogged down by explanation about the Force and the Jedi that Lucas finally just ditched the commentary all together, deciding to plop us down into this world and have us figure it out for ourselves. And a great move, wasn't it? The movie flowed, and we didn't bother to stop and ask ourselves things like, "Why *was* there a monster in that trash compactor? Is this a common feature of Death Star waste disposal?" This wasn't the case in TPM, where for just that one scene, Lucas violated his own good sense of storytelling. Anakin's inquiry into what midichlorians were was like swimming through molasses. I think, and it's just my opinion, that we could have gotten on with the movie just fine without that little biology lesson. Not that it wasn't good of Lucas to mention midi-chlorians--they obviously play an important part in all this. I just don't think he needed to address them so specifically. Or if he did, leave that scene where Liam Neeson explains about them to the DVD as one of the cut scenes. Even better, leave the Webster's Dictionary definition of a midichlorian (n. 1.) microscopic organism that resides in all living things--see *symbiants*)2. any symbiotic organism that reside in cells--see *Force*...)to all the collateral publishing Lucasfilm has built an empire with. It would have popped up in one of those novels eventually, right? I mean, the part where they take Anakin's blood sample and discover his high count of them? Fine. Telling the Council that Anakin has a high midichlorian count? No problem. On the platform, taking a moment to play Mr. Wizard for Anakin's sake? MOLASSES! Bad story sense. Lucas just should have moved it along to them going home. The point of all this is that I hope this next movie does not get itself mired by a lot of unneccessary explanation, though from what I've been hearing, it should be a great time. And when all is said and done, TPM still had its moments. Not many, but it did have them :-)

  • May 10, 2002, 7:43 p.m. CST

    new star wars movie

    by fun guy

    Alot of people here really seam to like star wars movies. and alot of them don't like the last one. i didn't like it except for the cool swordfight with darth maul. he was scary and a great swordfighter. he looked like the devil. i hope the new one is better than that one because when i was a kid star wars was awesome.

  • May 10, 2002, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Ain't It Cool to not see Episode 2?

    by Necessary Retard

  • May 10, 2002, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Ain't It Cool to not see Episode 2?

    by Necessary Retard

    George Lucas says I should get a life. Heck, I guess he's right. He's got a built-in audience, and they're HIS movies, not mine. Right? I guess my disgust for Lucas and all things Star Wars these days must stem from my lack of a life. And here I was thinkin' I HAD one. What, with a great girlfriend, being self-employed, travelling the country, making money, having fun. In any case, life or no life, I'm an ex-Star Wars fan, not because of Episode One, but because of these simple reasons, in chronological order: -- Ep. 6: Han Solo, Leia Organa being sent on a commando mission, Luke's failure on Dagobah suddenly and conveniently forgiven by a suddenly and conveniently dying Yoda, Luke and Leia being brother and sister, Ewoks instead of Wookies, Boba Fett dying like a Three Stooge. -- Ep. 4 Special Edition: Han shoots Greedo first. Rogue element gone. No surprise when he comes to save the day at the Death Star. -- Ep. 5 Special Edition: Luke screams as he falls after Vader slices him. Instead of silently and purposefully stepping into the abyss when faced with joining his father in darkness, it's now an accident. -- Ep. 1: Disembowelment of all things mystical about the Force, Darth Maul's lack of character, two heroes beating up one badguy, Tusken Raiders shooting pod racers ("These blast marks are far too accurate for Sandpeople. Only Imperial stormtroopers could've done this."), low stakes (trade embargo), immaculate conception of Anakin, JJB, big sea monsters, Jabba's wife, the list goes on. I'm a filmmaker. I'm a writer. I know my craft. And I know what a good movie is. I ask you all with humility and respect: How much more of this should I be expected to take? I'm not seeing Episode Two. In silent, perhaps futile, protest. There comes a time where you just have to stop being disappointed. And a time to make a personal stand against what you believe is poor quality filmmaking. B. Scott O'Malley

  • May 10, 2002, 8:19 p.m. CST

    hey retard

    by fun guy

    hey retard your pretty smart for a retard. i agree with you man that was a good piece of writin!

  • May 10, 2002, 8:32 p.m. CST

    SEE THIS INSTEAD!!!

    by whateverok

    Bah. I say bah to Star Wars. However......a great movie......which I'm surprised Harry hasn't mentioned yet.....is "A Path to War" - an HBO movie - which features great performances by Michael Gambon (as Lyndon B. Johnson), Donald Sutherland ( as Clark Clifford), and even Alec Baldwin (as Robert McNamara). I got a chance to go to a special screening of it and was amazed, especially by Gambon's performance (he rules in Gosford Park.) If HBO's movies were considered for Oscars, it would be a shoe-in. Bah..... Seriously though.

  • May 10, 2002, 8:55 p.m. CST

    and the 'dickhead' prize for screwing up the Talkback go

    by cosmic commando

    congratulations son, your a loser.

  • May 10, 2002, 9:31 p.m. CST

    Hey, it's not what you call yourself, it's what other pe

    by cosmic commando

    - loser, go stretch some more talkbacks and see if you can score gold.

  • May 10, 2002, 10:04 p.m. CST

    this talk back

    by fun guy

    hey this talkbak a fucken mess. kind of like that last star wars movie they made in the nineties.

  • May 10, 2002, 10:30 p.m. CST

    It's cool, bro

    by fun guy

    Hey dude, I don't mind so much now that I'm getting used to it. It's kinda neat to scroll sideways instead of downwards. Oh by the way, there isn't a fucking digital theatre within 1,000 miles of where I live. I know, my fault. I live in the middle of nowhere, but still, I'd have to go on vacation to see this damn star wars movie as it was intended to be seen. Is it going to be worth that? I seriously doubt it.

  • May 10, 2002, 10:30 p.m. CST

    JUST ENJOY THE FUCK'N FILM ASSHOLES!!!!!!

    by Jango_Fatt

    WHY THE HELL CANT YOU GUYS JUST BE CONTENT WITH THE FACT THAT ITS A GOOD FUCKING FILM!!!!! I MEAN, HOW GOOD OF AN ACTRESS DO YOU THINK CARRIE FISHER WAS?!?!? NOT THAT FUCKING GREAT!!!!! NONE OF THEM WERE, JUST ADMIT THAT THE WHOLE REASON THAT YOU LIKED STAR WARS WAS THT YOU FELT A LITTLE BIGGER AND STICKIER IN YOUR PANTS AFTERWARDS BECAUSE OF ALL THE EFFECTS AND JUST PALIN COOLNESS OF THE FILMS!!!! AND I GAREN-FUCKING-TY YOU THAT YULL BE OUT ONE PAIR OF PANTS AND A PACK OF KOOLS WHEN THIS SHITS OVER!!!!

  • May 10, 2002, 10:38 p.m. CST

    back in the real world 'my preciousss', you have no evid

    by cosmic commando

    Am I being harsh? yup, cos this was an interesting TB I was halfway thru reading, I come back to finish it later and it's like a fucking olympic swimming pool. What gets me is it's forgivable if someone's pasted a link address, but it's all too often some guy just being cute, and thinking they're reeeeeeal funny! - plus it was also your intent to play the LotR card and lampoon Star Wars (yawn - it's getting tired now, no really, it is). So all in all it was pretty irrelevant and pointless, and fucked up an otherwise interesting talkback for anyone who just fancied a read. Well done, I'm sure most AIC readers won't bother once they see the mess this threads in, I know I'm certainly outta here now.

  • May 10, 2002, 10:38 p.m. CST

    Lucas is right

    by Darth Melkor

    He says back when the original trilogy came out there was no internet therefore there wasn't much backlash and trolling going on. I know I never paid attention to movie reviews and box office grosses till the internet came along and neither did any of you I'm sure. As Ben Affleck once said "The internet has given everyone a platform to speak their mind and everyone has used that platform to bitch about movies." BTW.. bounce back to 71% fresh on rottentomatoes.

  • May 10, 2002, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Hey, "My precious" thanks for screwing up the talkback

    by agentcooper

    with your oh so very hilarious satire. The rest of us really appreciate it.

  • May 11, 2002, 12:43 a.m. CST

    Anyone who's ever considered Moriarty or Alexandra DuPont a

    by Wino-Forever

    check out the review at www.filmfreakcentral.net. This guy is the new standard-bearer. Of Hayden Christensen's performance he actually writes the following: "He never delivers dialogue in anything approaching a simulacrum of humanity (though admittedly, he never has a good line to deliver): his droning lament following the slaughter of an entire tribe of disturbingly minimalized desert nomads strikes as especially unforgivable in light of its racial implications and (intra-textually) the almost total lack of concern Amidala expresses towards her prospective beau's psychotic break." What a fucking twat.

  • May 11, 2002, 1:20 a.m. CST

    You're all idiots!

    by wharf

    I'm 42, I loved ANH, ESB and ROTJ. I also loved Phantom Menace. It was pure fun...and Star Wars! I was juiced after seeing that movie, as was EVERYONE else who walked out of that theater, all four times I saw it on the big screen. I bought the video when it came out as well as the DVD. It's just as good every time I watch it. I even watched it again last night on TV and it was still a wonderful movie. I'm convinced all you are just plain idiots for hating that movie so much. In fact it's just as good as the original three. I still can't believe The Matrix won special effects over TPM - what a joke! And this brings me to AOTC. It's going to be great. My son and I just can't wait to see it. Looking forward to the best Star Wars movie ever! Let Lucas tell his story, yes, his story, and enjoy it for what it is...an entertaining film, with a good story, and great special effects. This type of Talkback is why I stopped reading these things, but I'm so hyped for this movie I had to read this thread...and it disappoints me - especially about TPM. So, I had to post. And don't even get me going on that other trilogy!!! Enjoyable movie, but that's about it. It doesn't even come close to sharing a breath with Star Wars. So there....I wanted to rant and I did. I think 90% of the people out there love Star Wars, and even TPM. I just can't stand the stupid assholes who think they know everything about movies and how they should be made. You are truly a minority, no matter what you say. You're the VOCAL minority. Let's see you make a better movie. So there! I feel better now.

  • May 11, 2002, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Moriarity, I know where you're coming from...

    by Chthonico

    My best friend and fellow Star Wars freak died many years ago and when I saw Episode I all I could think about is how much I wished he were here to see it too. Sorry about your loss.

  • May 11, 2002, 3:13 a.m. CST

    I tried downloading the screener...

    by Magnolia-Fan

    ...it was labeled as "ATTACK OF THE CLONES", so, 140 megs later, I try to play it in my Windows Media Player, and it's just the audio track from the movie SHOWTIME starring Eddie Murphy and Robert de Niro. True story.

  • May 11, 2002, 3:32 a.m. CST

    Just to let you know...

    by drompter

    AOTC is already 71% fresh in rotten tomatoes

  • May 11, 2002, 4:01 a.m. CST

    Just saw the thing

    by Mark Twain

    Wow. Almost speechless. Technology is not a story. Dialogue is not a story. The hype has been well executed, including on this site, but hype is not the story. Star Wars was a story. "It's the story stupid." Lucas, stop listening to anyone but yourself.

  • May 11, 2002, 5:04 a.m. CST

    "No, Anakin, N0!"

    by Silvio Dante

    That's easy. It's Frank Doberman from Harry Enfield & Chums, innit?

  • May 11, 2002, 5:44 a.m. CST

    Ain't It Cool News, Talkback...

    by Vicconius

    ...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scorn and idiocy.

  • The point of making these movies was to tell a story to young people. No amount of negativity can prevent that from happening. I've heard it said that some fans give Star Wars a bad name, but when you think about it who isn't a Star Wars fan? Almost everyone I've met knows what Star Wars is, the majority of them like it. While they might not consider themselves "fans" they get fanatical whenever a new Star Wars movie is coming. Most of these people don't read websites like this and I envy them for it. They get to go and see the movie without the experience being spoiled by the sour attitudes of those who would love to kill the franchise. In fact a lot of people automatically think that Star Wars will always be the most successful movie out there. It's almost as if it doesn't matter what actually gets reported. Now honestly I am not against competition, indeed in order to observe that a movie is good we need to compare it one that's bad. That's why I have changed my mind and no long command people to boycott Spiderman. I just feel that the public (that is normal people who don't visit sites like this) might find it difficult to accept that a Star Wars movie is number two to any other movie. That is pushing the boat out just a little too far. Spiderman may bring back childhood memories of a saturday morning cartoon but everything has its correct place in the order of things. Going back to fandom I just wanted to add that it makes no sense for people to dismiss AOTC in terms of quality or box office potential. After all fans of LOTR:FOTR and of movies like, well I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a Spiderman fan - these people will all go to watch Star Wars movies. I doubt that Star Wars fans (the type that give Star Wars a bad name) will bother with any other movie this summer. If there was such a thing as honesty AOTC would wipe the floor with all the competition this summer, but you know it really doesn't matter what happens. All that matters is that every person who wants to see this movie goes to watch it.

  • May 11, 2002, 7:35 a.m. CST

    A thing that might save your life.........

    by Pan_Ziege

    Mori, condolences on your buddy. This is a thing that makes me think. A while ago, I at 25 (almost 27 now, praise modern sadism) was diagnosed with....(thank you Terrance and Phillip) Ass-Cancer. (No, that means you won't be able to live anymore) And seriously, it sucks. I was/and actually still am, kinda concerned about living to see the last two (well maybe not SW since it's not that far off) SW and LoTR installments. Yeah, yeah, live on the line and all that, i suppose more important things should be on my mind. Well, i love my wife and she loves me, so that's off the list. but still, i'm kinda pissed. I had a foot and a half of intestines removed over a year ago, but that only gave me a 50/50 chance of living beyond 5 years. So i say to Lucas, "Hey, no hurry, yo?" and to Peter Jackson, "Thanks for the expedient schedule, tally ho." I hear Rigget's anguish, cuz no matter how much i didnt' like TPM, that doesn't meant i'm not curious to see what GL can do with #2/#3. So I think to myself, "Thank God, I saw the Matrix before TPM on its opening night". And I figure "Thank you to those magnificent polish Bastards" for scheduling the next couple of installments whilst i'm likely to live. It's a realy shitty deal to be sitting on a finite ammount of life (I want more life, FUCKER) when there's a serious ammount of good flicks coming out in the next 10 years or so. Oh yeah, praise be to PJ for not being a bitch and releasing tRoTK for us less existentially endowed motherfuckers. - Your Friend, Pan Ziege. ------The thing that might save your life???? If you've got any problems at all with your hershey highway, no matter how old you area, go to a doctor, you dumshit fuckheads. Colon Cancer isn't only for your grandfather, you fucking morons..........grin, your pal, PZ

  • May 11, 2002, 8:01 a.m. CST

    Like I was saying

    by Pan_Ziege

    You trolls who seem to live to spout shit.......think long and hard about yourselves. Seriously. Life is too short to waste any time at all (that means posting to piss people off on "movie poop-shoot.com" Like star-wars, or don't like it, i don't think anyone here will lose any sleep. Retro-Reviews or not, ESB was the hands-down coolest SW flick, IMHO. (even ask my wife, she hates it all, but can accept the fact that Lucas has better luck on darker sequels) So i stand by my stoned love of ESB. Caught it when i was 5 but didn't appreciate it fully until i was 21 with the captioning on and techno-dance music blaring. Main point is, YOU ARE NOT IMMORTAL, CANCER IS REAL. GO TO THE DOCTOR, NO MATTER WHAT AGE YOU ARE.!!!! IF I DIE, fuck it. YOU MIGHT LIVE TO SEE the mad cool shit left to see this century. -PZ

  • May 11, 2002, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Support Mecial Marijuana

    by Pan_Ziege

    or die you fuckers. One of these days, broke cancer-stricken motherfuckers will rise up, and cause minimal damage which will prove our non-threatening status. Let us die with cheap, easily growable relief. Why should we pay for drug companies prices for something called "Marinol" when marijuana is farmable in 100% of the United States. Oh yeah, and the Emprire rawks. Bring on the Star Destroyers.

  • May 11, 2002, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Unbelievable

    by Miss Aura

    This is a rival to ESB, I had my doubts if it would rival the other SW films and it doesnt only rival them but blows them away. Hadyn Christensen despite what anyone says, has Anakin down to a tee. This is the most enjoyable film I have seen in a long while and Yoda is the business. I am not going to spoil people because this film is not meant to be spoilt, its just pure escapism and will I guarantee you give you 2hrs 20mins of pure enjoyment. The special effects are not out of this world, they are UNTOUCHABLE. Episode III is 3 years away and if its half as good as this is, I cant wait. Thank you George Lucas for this film, from the bottom of my heart. This WILL be the biggest box office taker of all time, This WILL be the biggest selling DVD of all time and This IS in my honest opinion THE BEST STAR WARS FILM OF ALL TIME. Hate away, SW Haters. The film stands up for itself and may surprise a lot of you haters. John Williams's score is first rate and the turn of Anakin is great. I didnt find the acting to be wooden, I thought that everyone played their parts very well. Not Oscar nominated material on the Script/Acting parts but if there was an award for MOST ENJOYING FILM OF THE YEAR, this will take it. The SFX award is in the bag now, I would stake my mortgage on that. Obi Wan is fantastic and so is Anakin, as Harry said before in his review - Obi Wan is so cool its unbelievable. Star Wars is back BIG TIME and you better BELIEVE IT.

  • May 11, 2002, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Response to Miss Aura - SPOILER WARNING

    by Silvio Dante

    Finally someone who has seen it. I guess there's lots of press screenings today, at least in U.K. I myself can't see this one doing so well in the Box Offices since it's quite incomprehensable for the general audiences who just want to see x-wings and death star blasted etc. It's really quite complicated unless one is immersed in SW mythology and believe me, most people aren't, even though many, many have seen the films. But enough of that, let's move on to the general OOHs and AHHs: How about that starfighter Obi-Wan flew? Kamino was the coolest of the new planets, I thought. And the "quiet" explosions while Slave-1 tried to blast Obi-Wan! What's up with Anakin's SPOILER WARNING hand in the end - spare parts from T1000? They are actually getting married in that last scene... I was a disappointed at Christensen, but he had one GREAT delivery."I killed them all"etc. Lucas even had a sense to move to close-up on that one. The meadow picnic pig-rodeo? Surely that was too much, m'lady Aura?

  • May 11, 2002, 10:17 a.m. CST

    ***SPOILER WARNING*** - Youve been warned

    by Miss Aura

    ******SPOILERS*********SPOILERS*******SPOILERS***** Silvio, I like your M'lady quip. The T1000 hand was a bit weird and it did look like the hand (I would have thought it wouldve been covered), but I loved the part on the conveyor belt where Anakin was held down considering what he will become in the end of the 3rd film it was as Lucas has said in interviews - that he wanted the films to rhyme (mirror) the original trilogy. The Tusken Raider scene, for me was very much emotional and I felt the pain in Anakin's face. This is why I think Hadyn does a very good job, he convinces me that He is the Anakin Skywalker who will become the Dark Lord. When he tells Padme of what he has done to them, the emotion in his face and voice along with Mr Williams's score was mesmerising. Kamino is spectacular and Jango Fett v Obi Wan is Star Wars at its best. The romantic scenes will make some of the boys amongst you cringe in places, but for me it worked. The Chase through Coruscant shows Anakin at his cocky best, I am in the belief now that Hadyn is THE star of this film in my eyes, Jake Lloyd has now been wiped from my memory. My only downpoint of this film is that it goes too fast in the second half, there is so much going on, that its hard to take it all in. ILM have pulled out all the stops and YODA is without doubt, the most powerful character I have ever seen on film. He could go up against anybody and win with ease, this is where my other point is: "I cannot believe that Sidious could rival Yoda's skills, so unless the whole clone army is going to take on Yoda then Sidious wouldnt stand a chance." - We will have to wait until Episode 3 to find out how and why Yoda goes to Dagobah. Mace v Windu is another minor detail, it doesnt last long but this is setting up Boba for Episode III to kick some butt. I loved the part where the Nexu comes out and jumps upon the geonosian guard in the arena, I loved C3PO being half battle droid, half 3PO. Dooku is great and Young skywalker will gain revenge in Ep3 on him. I dont see the point of hiding Sidious's real identity away from the audience and Mr Binks didnt get on my nerves this time. Slave1 v Obi Wan's jedi starfighter is a great battle scene and Jango & Son do theirselves proud in the acting stakes. There is so much to say and so little time, but this is my return to SW geekdom. Some of you out there might not like it and fine, George Lucas has given me what I have been waiting for and will even give me the best DVD in my collection come October. Thank you George, Thank you. And remember kids "You do not want to sell me death sticks, you want to go home and rethink your life" ****DO NOT READ ABOVE, IF YOU WANT TO STAY SPOILER FREE*****DO NOT READ ABOVE,IF YOU WANT TO STAY SPOILER FREE***

  • May 11, 2002, 10:32 a.m. CST

    For Fanboys

    by Juice_Monkey

    ****For all you fan boys**** Listen to me now and believe me later... The reason Star Wars will live forever in film history is the pure spectacle of it all. It's not some glorious sweeping epic full of complex characters and intriguing scenarios. It's just one long string of events and special effects that make you say "cool, holy shit, and whoa" and simple but lovable iconic characters. I don't know why you fanboys expect it to be some kind of pinacle of modern day mythic storytelling. If the phrase "Luke I am your father" is the figurepiece of the modern mythos, civilization should be mercifully exterminated. I also don't know why the orginal trilogy was considered so great and TPM was considered such a debacle for the Star Wars franchise. It was a Star Wars movie pure and simple. The real debacle are those dozens of 'Expanded Universe" novels that are out there. Are you fanboys so deperate for stories about lightsabres and wookies that you are willing to waste your time reading 300 pages of pure shit spouted off by some hack author who has to write about lightsabres and wookies for anyone to read his work? Star Wars is a story invented by Lucas, who borrowed elements from numerous sources, added his own Sci-Fi spin, and made a MOVIE. Star Wars in a book does not work. It loses most of its appeal when the visual element isn't there. It loses all its appeal when some two-bit writer tries to make a quick buck or two using the characters invented by Lucas. No matter what people may think of the direction Lucas is taking Star Wars, let him, it's his story. Just sit back and enjoy it for what it is. A simple Sci-Fi adventure full of simple but lovable characters and special effects that make you say "cool", "holy shit", and "whoa".

  • May 11, 2002, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Expanded universe

    by Silvio Dante

    Desperation is not necessarily a factor here, Juice Monkey. I remember enjoying the hell out of Marvel Comics SW universe while waiting for the next cinematic fix back in 80's. (Yeah, I'm that old - get over it) Those stories may not "exist" in the official saga anymore, but there's other examples: Timothy Zahn and Barbara Hambly have written some great stories (post-RotJ) which, in my humble opinion DO expand the SW universe. Of course, Lucasbooks will print stuff as long somebody buys it, it is good business and we all have a choice to shell out the money if we wish. It's better than deathsticks.

  • May 11, 2002, 12:51 p.m. CST

    reviews

    by alcester

    from all the reviews ive read it would seem that this film is medicore at best, some of them were very harsh, just like ones for Phantom Menace, if its anything like SPIDERMAN , i wont give it a second thoght after i leave the theater. hell i might not even go!

  • May 11, 2002, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Clones was ok....SPOILERS!

    by icecubejdi

    I just downloaded the movie a day or so ago and watched it. The quality isnt that bad, but its not great either. Anyways, I didn't really like the movie, the effects in some parts were pretty interesting, like when yoda fights dooku. My favorite part of the movie is when Anakin finds his mother beaten to death in the tusken camp. I love the look on his face when she passes away, man does he look fuckin pissed! He whips out the lightsaber and starts chopping people up, it's crazy! Anyways, I have the movie if anyone is interested in getting it, and have a streamload account email me at pilk1544@yahoo.com....

  • May 11, 2002, 1:11 p.m. CST

    The mainstream critics chime in and...

    by ima biggun

    According to EW and ABCnews.com...not much better than TPM. So who do you believe Harry or Joel Siegel? The mainstream press has become much more cynical about movies these days, so even if Lucas has tried to stick to the orginal SW theme, they consider it too simple these days. Tell you what, I'll just wait until midnight Thurs. and decide for myself.

  • May 11, 2002, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Just review the flic! No "My friend DIED" shit.

    by DushukuDude

    Why must every so called review begin with the author explaining what happened that day. Just review the fucking movie please. Thanks.

  • May 11, 2002, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Just review the flic! No "My friend DIED" shit.

    by DushukuDude

    Why must every so called review begin with the author explaining what happened that day. Just review the fucking movie please. Thanks.

  • May 11, 2002, 6:17 p.m. CST

    SW as silent film

    by hildebrand

    I watched TPM the other night on Fox. I decided that it would be a much better film if it had been a silent film. John Williams' music provided all the necessary emotional impact, and moved the story along nicely. The dialog was as clunky as I remember, and the movie would have been improved without it. Not unlike the independent edit of TPM, which got rid of JJ Binks for the most part, making it a silent film would streamline the movie, and probably make for a better film.

  • May 11, 2002, 7:14 p.m. CST

    TPM again?

    by TomVee

    Unless you are 5 to 7 years of age, there is very little to like in TPM. It is a juvenile film, with no heart and no soul, and it is NOT redeemed by the admittely exciting finale. It is as simple as that. The series has been on a steady decline since RETURN OF THE JEDI, which like TPM had its moments but was otherwise a bloated mess. One hopes AOTC will lift the series back up, but early reviews do not bode well.

  • May 11, 2002, 7:37 p.m. CST

    by Simi Valley Tom

  • May 11, 2002, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Mixed Bag

    by Simi Valley Tom

    Hayden Christensen is also not very good as Anakin, which, when added to some of the bad dialogue he has, the bad scriptwriting for his relationship with Padme, and the weak acting from Natalie Portman, makes this movie only a three star movie. Very disappointing. The script in TPM holds up much better as a whole. The action sequences in AOTC, however, except for some of the unbelievable stunts of the speeder race through the capitol city (think Temple of Doom when the raft goes over the cliff), are the best ever, especially due to the scenes with Jengo Fett, Obi-wan, Count Dooku, Yoda, and the final battle scenes among everyone at the end. Also, C-3PO was great; the lines were very funny; I love puns; hooray for Anthony Daniels, whose comic relief at the end of the movie help one get past the Big Disappointment with Anakin and Padme. Bottom Line: TPM is 3 and one-half stars; AOTC is 3 stars; SW is 4 stars, ESB is 5 stars, and ROTJ is 3 stars.

  • May 11, 2002, 8:15 p.m. CST

    I just saw it and really dug it

    by pajamo12

    Saw it at noon today. If your not a fan it will be so-so to no-no since the dialogue is kinda okay. That being said however, I think AotC has much greater potential to gain from repeated viewing like ESB. So far, it's that darkest of the series. Hayden and Portman do a good job and I didn't think they sucked at all. Anakin has THE moment as far as emotionally with with mom. I bought it completely. Yoda scene is THE audience scene. The corwd loved it. THe cG is well, CGI but I didn't mind it. I mean, fer chrissakes Lcas is taking us too many wolrds this time and he's treading new ground for the series. Effect only really obther me when they take me out of the moment (like ALL of the CG Spidey stuff). I had read the script last month and liked it but I had no idea how rich the film would be visually. I rate on a five star scalle so I'd probabyl give it 4 to 4 1/2. Can't wait to see it again.

  • May 11, 2002, 11:09 p.m. CST

    Lesson #1: Don't fuck with Yoda

    by Russman

    Just saw it and man oh man it's pretty damn cool. The review above is perfect. This movie is 10 times better than Phantom. It's dark, it's brutal and somewhat violent. The crowd will be laughting and yelling at the screen when Ani starts mouthing off. "I'll take him now!!" The boy just doesn't listen. The romance stuff is really rushed and kind of silly and funny. It's right out of screenwriting romance 101. You'll roll your eyes and get through it. And the best part of it all is the Jedi battle and Yoda kicking ass. It's amazing that this scene isn't stupid. It totally rocks and is a major highlight of the movie. Everyone's jaws will be on the floor. This movie is cool

  • May 12, 2002, 12:59 a.m. CST

    Nice Sidious theory

    by Mr_Morden75

    FutureGuy, actually your theory about Sidious sounds cool... but I think he is plain and simply, the same person. He is after all, "The Phantom Menace"... huh?

  • May 12, 2002, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Bootleg

    by Mr_Morden75

    By the way... I dont have the streamline email this guy is talking about... anyone knows how to download the bootleg version of episode 2??

  • May 12, 2002, 2:55 a.m. CST

    Darth Pijudo... I don't know about Streamline, but don't

    by Magnolia-Fan

    ...the only files on KaZaA large enough to be full length movies labeled "Attack of the Clones" or "AoTC" are just mislabeled crap put up there as jokes.

  • May 12, 2002, 4:17 a.m. CST

    From "The Making of 'Star Wars Episode II: The Attack of the

    by Billy Talent

    EWAN MCREGOR: Hey man, have you got a cigarette? RICK MCCALLUM: Yeah, I've got a cigarette. Have you got twenty five cents? EWAN MCREGOR: (Digs in his pockets for change.) Damn it, the wife said she needed change for the bus. In the deathless words of Casey Hasem, "I don't understand it!" After all, only losers take the bus. RICK MCCALLUM: You've got balls Pacino. EWAN MCREGOR: What did you say? RICK MCCALLUM: I said that I love you like a son. (Draws a cigarette meaningfully) Here you go kid. EWAN MCREGOR: Thanks man. (A half an hour later) EWAN MCREGOR: Hey man, have you got a cigarette? CHRIS LEE: Yeah, I've got a cigarette. Have you got twenty five cents? EWAN MCREGOR: Fuck!

  • May 12, 2002, 5:33 a.m. CST

    It's a 2 hour commercial for Action Figures!

    by Hate_Speech

    Do you really think it's a movie? It seems to me as if Lucas buys the best CG artists in town, then makes a two hour commercial/promo real, and when that's done, he tries to make it look like a story. Good God. MESSA SO SMILING TO SEE YOU SIR! Blech... DIE JAR JAR DIE!!!!!!!!

  • May 12, 2002, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Why the reviews don't mean anything

    by DouglasAH

    Most of the people reviewing AOTC fall into one of the following categories: 1) Columnist and film critic for a major magazine or newspaper. Knows he won't get any attention by liking this movie, or be taken seriously next time he tries to call attention to some "overlooked" arthouse flick. 2) Network airhead. Instructed by bosses with guilt over all the coverage and free press AOTC has received in the past weeks by bashing the film. Didn't actually watch the film, spent whole running length bugging patrons next to her for their thoughts on the guilt or innocence of Robert Blake. 3) Spider-man nut. Hasn't seen the film, but has read spoilers in order to pretend he saw a sneak premiere and bash it, encouraging people to see Titanic in Tights again. 4) Tolkien nut. Is dumb enough to believe people only see one movie a year, and wants it to be Two Towers. This troglodyte hasn't seen the movie, either, but is sure it is just another "ripoff" of Tokien. 5) Woman named 'Moira.' Can't enjoy films, period.

  • May 12, 2002, 9:37 a.m. CST

    RIP Moriarty's friend

    by WT

    This'll be the first film I see with my bro when I get back home from uni, so it's special to me too.

  • May 12, 2002, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Obi-wan is Luke's father

    by TommyMac

    Caution! Spoiler preceded this warning! A friend of a friend tenuously linked to me is working on the 'Attack of the Clones' special effects in England. He claims that the huge revelation at the end of episode three is that Obi-wan is actually Luke's father. Nice.

  • May 12, 2002, 11:58 a.m. CST

    TO MUCH READING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

    by Stimpson J Cat

  • May 12, 2002, 12:54 p.m. CST

    Tommy Mac,interesting you would say that

    by uncle fenders

    Before episode one came out I had a sort of plot twist worked out in my head. Through some sort of MYSTIC force thing obiwan takes the evil dark side from anakin. Knowing that anakin is the most powerful jedi but uncontrolled, he sacrifices himself to allow anakin to have control of his own power. This happens just before vader comes into exsistance. I even figured this SOUL swap would happen at the end of a huge battle between anakin and obiwan,leaving the origonal obi battered and in need of the life supporting vader costume. The cool part is later in the series everything is changed,Lukes father is looking after him ,and training him,guiding him from beyond...I know there are lots of holes in my ideas,I am not a huge fan boy having only seen jedi,and phantom once each... But I think it could have been worked in with less trouble than some of the current changes lucas has used..... Well if anyone likes the idea let me know,I hope its not to lame.

  • May 12, 2002, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Oh by the way

    by uncle fenders

    When is anakin going to have the growth spurt to fill that vader suit? He must be a latebloomer......

  • May 12, 2002, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Ben is NOT Luke's father

    by justsomedude

    Now I have to say something(no offense to you)but the fact that obi-wan is Luke's father is horribly redicluious. First off, it would lessen the strength of Anikan's conversation(father/son relationship theme). It would make the parallel between Anikan and Luke pointless, as well as, if Luke was Ben's son...why would Ben trust his own sun to the fire's of the empire? No father would want their son to be killed. Why would Ben's truth on ROTJ(Dahogbah scene)seem like a complete lie(lie within a lie, within a lie...Jedi usually strive for integrety). Not to mention the entire scene where Luke unmasks Vader would all lose it's emotional luster. Ben is NOT Luke's father at all! Whoever said is pulling your chain BIGTIME! Nah the big revelation at the end of the next one is that Anikan rapes Padme. Think about it, fits into a Greek tragdey very well in that context. So now we tie up the fact that Anikan didn't know he had a son or daughter(until after the distruction of the deathstar)...why Padme flee's from Anikan. To Boot I think it play out like this(probably the first time in star wars that the audience will see a child birth)..Anikan rapes Padme...Padme flee's...Time passes...Jedi Purge/Obi-wan-Anikan duel/-transformation of Anikan to Vader-(probably about 5 month time elapse)-Padme finds Obi-wan(now Ben)Kenobi in hiding or in process of fleeing...shows him her problem(tummy issue)..and obiwan, padme, yoda all councel what has to become of the two Skywalkers.

  • May 12, 2002, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Finding a Digital Theater

    by SoldierSquirrel

    How can I find theaters that will be using digital projection for Star Wars? Thanks.

  • May 12, 2002, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Ebert Shmebert!

    by hoorayforeric

    Ebert also gave "Gladiator one star, LOTR 2, Spiderman 1 and 1/2...get the point? The possitive are outweighing the negative bigtime...face it fans...this is gonna be fun! By the way..Rottentomatoes.com meter is only at 20. Don't bother with it until Thursday. If you look at the link to the reviews "not counted" as Rottentomato critics...the reviews are overwhelmingly HUGE on the POSSITIVE!! It's like 32-8 possitive. Spidey got 15 rotten. SW only has 8 so far.

  • You forgot to add in the desperate Star Wars fans who believe that anything that bears the name Star Wars is vastly superior to any and every movie EVER MADE even when its obviously crap. This is just my way to kindly say "fuck you". Star Wars is not the be all and end all of movies. Don't pretend it is.

  • May 12, 2002, 9:08 p.m. CST

    This one is for cooldan989

    by HOLDENMCGROIN

    I agree with otto parts how can you compare a 1 second cut to 9/11 what a stupid statment you should really read up on your history mate you sound like the type who bases their knoledge on things like u571 and saving private ryan as historical fact. P.S. ...But you havent recovered from 9/11 were still fucking hearing about it in stupid statments from the likes of you.

  • May 12, 2002, 10:35 p.m. CST

    stuntrocker

    by stuntrocker

    says it's good. good timey Starwars fun.

  • May 12, 2002, 10:36 p.m. CST

    To all the little "f*cks" who are so insecure they have to spe

    by Alphatango

    How many of the hate mongers in this thread have actually seen the movie? A small handful by my count. For all the cool talkbackers {Orionsangel, jango fett} there are 5 that are totally obsessed with "doing their part" to try to make this movie fail. GUESS WHAT trolls-you have no power, zilch! The movie might blast to the top or fall flat, but you have nothing to do with it. If people see it and soundoff why they dislike it, fine. But if you honestly have to zap back to rotten fucking tomatoes to give us a progress report then wow, you're pretty sad. Yeah I'm talking to you mr.insecure ring. I remember your post a few months back- in a nutshell you proclaimed LOTR superior to AOTC, you said Lucas straight up copied Kersh's EMPIRE,{all the typical I bash SW because FOTR is so much better.}It was impossible for you to bash AOTC, you hadn't seen it! And after I punched a hole in a few more of your revelations, YOU responded to me saying you were bashing TPM. That movie was never mentioned in our posts. Maybe you should create your own anti-SW board dedicated to LOTR and trolls. You turn people away from forums like this and you're an idiot!

  • May 12, 2002, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Crew T shirts on Ebay

    by Greater Ape

    Two ILM Crew Only shirts just went up on Ebay! The T-shirt and the Boxing-Style Obiwan vs Jango jacket. Awesome! T-Shirt: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2103000176 Boxing Jacket: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2103008602

  • May 12, 2002, 11:34 p.m. CST

    ishtaaaaaar vaaaaaaarzzzzzzz

    by chestercopperpot

    bring it baby !!!!!!!

  • May 13, 2002, 1:02 a.m. CST

    Episode 2 review...

    by bionicpup

    Well, I am weak. I recently viewed a pirated copy of ATOC clones, though I will still pay my dues as I have already purchased advanced tickets next Wednesday. With that said, here's my short review, for whatever it's worth. First off, the movie is (and it pains me to say this) quite boring. Perhaps this is a product of indulging myself with every movie spoiler on the web since the buzz started, or perhaps it is because its true. I watched it twice, and found myself yawning the second time around...this mirrored my reaction to watching the Episode I DVD...yeah sure there's action, but there's also a whole lot of nothing going on, too. For some reason I still can't understand why someone would care to go through all this trouble to kill Padme', it seems ridiculous to me so I try to not think about it. The film is long winded, we spend most of our time watching people go places, aside from the splendor of ILM's magic in creating these vast new worlds, the excitement falls short. Lucas's writing style also tangles him in this film: The dialogue is written like a novel, so naturally the actors stumble when they deliver it. It doesn't flow as it should, instead everyone in the film speaks formally and after a while it alienates you from the characters. The film certainly has its moments, but it takes so long to get to them! By the time we arrive at an action sequence, we are so drained from the journey that we lose touch with it. Hayden's portrayal of the young Darth Vader was effective in many places where the script did not inhibit him...his anger and passion is great but in some scenes it just doesn't work out. There are good things about this film, the visual spectacle is superb, but even with these fantastical settings something doesn't feel quite right: the actors aren't really there and somehow through them we know it. Also, did the lightsaber duels suffer without the aid of martial arts expert Ray Park? The lightsaber duels in AOTC were a bore in comparison to TPM, they were shorter and less spontaneous. Anakin needed a lot more than just 2 lightsabers to prove to the audience that he was a great Jedi...he lost the second saber in what seemed liked four frames anyway, so what was the point? Christopher Lee was great as the mysterious Count Dooku, but the problem with his character was his mysteriousness. Suddenly Obi-Wan and Anakin are dueling this Dark Sith and we hardly know his name. There was no passion in that duel, there was no real substance. I enjoyed this film upon first viewing, but there is no repeat value here. If I don't care to watch a movie a second time, then someone didn't do their job. AOTC demands patience, but the investment is exhausting and unrewarding. The only things I truly enjoyed about this movie were parts that held no weight to the story. I enjoyed the thrill of the Coruscant chase, I enjoyed the excitement of the final battle, but I did not feel passionately about the story that linked them together. Lucas has somehow forgotten that the story creates the movie, not the visual effects...he was right when he said he created silent movies. That's exactly what AOTC is, and little more. **1/2

  • May 13, 2002, 2:53 a.m. CST

    I just hope...

    by Tenguman

    I just hope Ep II doesn't lull me to sleep like the last one did.

  • May 13, 2002, 11:34 a.m. CST

    BOYCOTT THE FIRST WEEKEND

    by fonebone

    I've posted my boycott message above, but I wanted to add two things. (1) If you were disappointed with TPM but MUST see this one, at least don't go the first weekend. If Lucas gets high grosses for his first weekend, he'll think that people must have really liked TPM. Send him a message! (2) I've been chewing over a passage in Moriarty's review: "One of the revelations of the movie for me is that Anakin Skywalker never turned into Darth Vader; he simply always is Vader." If that is actually the case, then Lucas has truly lost his way. In Ep.4-6, the tragedy is that Vader was once a good man, but was betrayed by his dark side. If he started out evil, then where's the tragedy? Plus, it makes Obi Wan look like an idiot, since he goes on and on in Ep.4 about how great Anakin was. Episodes 1-3 were supposed to be a tragedy about how a good man (Anakin) became an evil one (Vader). If there is no change, then there is no dramatic development, and thus no tragedy. I'm not sure if Moriarty realizes this, but I'd be interested in hearing his thoughts. Again, if you want to join in the first weekend boycott, write me at boycottstarwars@yahoo.com. Also, if you live in NYC, we'll be organizing a street demonstration, probably at the Ziegfeld at noon on Thursday. Write me if you're interested.

  • May 14, 2002, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Critics Attack "Clones":

    by Invisible Loki

    Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: "[A] technological exercise that lacks juice and delight. The title is more appropriate than it should be." A.O. Scott, New York Times: "[A] chance for gifted actors to be handsomely paid for delivering the worst line readings of their careers." David Ansen, Newsweek: "The enterprise is showing its age. The movie feels long, and...the storytelling feels stiff in the joints." Is it just us, or do you feel a disturbance in the Force?

  • May 14, 2002, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Saw it, didn't like it

    by Flusher

    I saw a screening last week and I can't believe the hype, or these people that loved it so much. Moriarty nails it when he says there are flaws the size of glaciers, and I guess I'm someone who can't overlook them. First, the positives: I saw it digitally projected and it looked excellent. The colors were unbelievable. Some of the focus was soft/fuzzy at times, but this could be caused by any number of things. As for the movie, there are some staggering visual sequences (Obi Wan fighting in the rain, the chase through the city in the opening) and MacGreggor has perfected Obi-Wan. NOW, the SPOILERS... Hayden Christiansen is awful. I could never get it through my mind that this kid is supposed to become Darth Vader. Please. Another bad casting choice as Annikin. And this is critical...how can I get into this movie when delivers awful dialogue and a wooden performance? There are also inconsistencies from the rest of the series. For instance, Luke's Uncle Owen is here, and he meets C3P0 and R2...but doesn't remember them in Episode IV, or vice versa? How is Jango Fett the source of the clones, AND Count Dooku's main bodyguard?? Wouldn't Dooku know about the Clone army? And why on earth would Yoda coin the phrase "Clone Wars" when it hasn't even arrived yet...and whenthe clones are currently on their side? Don't give me any "He could feel it in the force" crud on this one. And his HUGE FIGHT at the end was absolutely preposterous. The dialogue from ObiWan at the bar, telling the junkie to "rethink his lide", and that entire city sequence, is what this film could have been. It breaks my heart how far from the tree this fruit has fallen.

  • May 14, 2002, 3:05 a.m. CST

    Flusher

    by justsomedude

    Flusher you didn't see the movie...because if you did you would know why Jango Fett could be Dooku's bodyguard and the source of the clone Army. "Spoilers"....Fett tells Obi-wan that he was recruited by a man name "Tyranus" some time before to provide the essence of the clone army. At the end of the picture we find out that Dooku is infact "Darth Tyranus"....next time...pay attention to the movie or at least see the movie to begin with(I honestly doubt that you have)..BTW, all those plotholes can easily be explained in the next picture...just give it time(people if I can give any reccommendation...wait for all three pictures to come out before you start picking out plotholes in relationship to the original movies). BTW, saw the picture..loved it!

  • May 14, 2002, 7:37 a.m. CST

    Fonebone...a street demonstration?! Are you serious?!

    by ROMANWEB

    I wish you had one close to the theater where I live cause man you and your cronies(which I believe you'lll stand alone)deserve such a beat down just on principle! That is purely pathetic!! I really hope you're joking because posting something so absurd is just embarrasing. It's a fucking movie! Move on with your life, it's just a movie! Runaway, runaway! Don't center all life and creation on a MOVIEEEEEEE! Ideas like that give geeks a really bad name.

  • May 14, 2002, 9:20 a.m. CST

    by OUBA

    man i'v read whats these people say. now i can understand the comparison between SW AND LOTR. i love star wars but LOTR was also a great movie. i expect i will be going to TTT on opening night the same as AOTC. now comparing SW with LOTR i can understand but comparing it with spiderman!!!! SPIDERMAN !!! shit no way. there is no way to compare them. this is a crime against humanety. my god how can someone compare SW OR LOTR WITH SPIDYY

  • May 14, 2002, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Coolest thing...

    by Greater Ape

    I have no idea where this should be posted, so I'll just throw this up here. I just picked up an Episode II VFX Crew T-shirt on Ebay! There's still an Obiwan vs. Jango boxing-style jacket up for bid. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2103008602 It's very cool!

  • May 14, 2002, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Fonebone...Please don't!!!

    by EliCash

    Do you realize how silly you will look if you organize a street demonstration over a movie? Do you want to look like those morons who demonstrated against The Last Temptation of Christ? Holding a demonstration because you didn't like a movie is utterly ridiculous. I didn't like Resident Evil....think I'll hold a demonstration outside my favorite video store asking people not to rent or buy the DVD. Man what a fool I'd look like. I realize that part of our basic freedoms is the right to hold peaceful demonstrations, but man, do you want to be the moron everyone is laughing at when your pathetic rally is broadcast nation-wide on CNN or something? I'm only trying to protect you man.

  • May 14, 2002, 11:05 p.m. CST

    So, you want AOTC reviews? I have some...

    by drompter

    www.boxofficeprophets.com. <http://www.boxofficeprophets.com.>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:07 p.m. CST

    Want another one? Here it is

    by drompter

    <http://www.reelinsider.com/attackoftheclones.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:08 p.m. CST

    more? Here is another

    by drompter

    <http://joblo.com/attackoftheclones.htm>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:09 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://joblo.com/arrow/attackoftheclones.htm>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:10 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.thedigitalbits.com/reviews2/starwarsepisode2film.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:11 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.nwlink.com/~gareth/sknr.htm>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:11 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hollywoodreporter/reviews/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1485874>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:11 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://zentertainment.com/reviews.php?op=showcontent&id=107>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:12 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://movies.go.com/news/2002/5/pointcounter050802.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:12 p.m. CST

    and yet another one...

    by drompter

    <http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/page.cfm?objectid=11852245&method=full>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:13 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://enjoyment.independent.co.uk/film/reviews/story.jsp?story=292954>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:14 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.empireonline.co.uk/news/news.asp?3902>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:15 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.reel.com/reel.asp?node=movienews/confidential>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:15 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,5-2002210962,00.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:16 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.rottentomatoes.com/click/movie-1112314/reviews.php?critic=all&sortby=default&page=1&rid=311877>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:16 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://home.earthlink.net/~bubakar/reviews.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:17 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    From Variety: By Todd McCarthy The Force is back -- along with fun and excitement, as well as the bonus of romance -- in "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones." As if realizing that "The Phantom Menace" three years ago didn&#39;t exactly deliver the goods even while racking up a staggering worldwide gross of $923 million, or perhaps just finding his directorial footing again after the 22-year layoff, George Lucas has reached deep into the trove of his self-generated mythological world to produce a grand entertainment that offers a satisfying balance among the series&#39; epic, narrative, technological and emotional qualities. If "The Empire Strikes Back" represented an advance on the original "Star Wars," "Clones" marks a big leap beyond "Menace," while also holding out the promise of a climactic installment that could be even more dramatic. Reinvigorating a series that showed signs of needing a transfusion, "Clones" will soar to the furthest extremes of the B.O. stratosphere. Virtually everything that went wrong in "Menace" has been fixed, or at least improved upon, this time out: The exposition and sense of storytelling are clearer and more economical, all the main characters have significant roles to play, the detailing of the diverse settings is far richer, the multitudinous action set-pieces are genuinely exciting, there is now the dramatic through-line provided by a love story, some of the acting is actually decent, and even the score is better. Stimulating everything is a restoration of overall imaginative purpose, which is a good thing now that the first installment of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy has, in the view of many, set the bar so high for cinematic fantasy and myth-making. On first blush, "Clones" would appear to rank behind "Empire" and somewhere around the original "Star Wars" among the five series entries to date. The juvenalia and sporadic feeling of cynical marketeerism are pretty much gone, replaced by a late adolescent/early adult-level treatment of such matters as forbidden love, betrayal, strategic politics and preparation for war. It has become customary for contempo big-budget adventures to pile one apparent ending on top of another, ad nauseum, and while "Clones" may be guilty of this, the difference is that here they are welcome -- the "endings" get better as they go. After the usual informational scroll, which informs that the Republic is threatened by a large separatist movement involving multiple alliances throughout the galaxy, action picks up 10 years after "Menace." Opening shots of an exquisite silver spaceship descending through the clouds to land amid the spires of Coruscant possess a grace more enchanting than anything in the previous film, but the beauty of the moment is obliterated when the craft&#39;s most illustrious passenger, Senator Padme (Natalie Portman), former Queen of Naboo, narrowly escapes an assassination attempt. Padme has made the journey to vote on the issue of whether or not to give Supreme Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) emergency powers to create an army to battle the dissenters. Upon arrival, she is placed under the protection of Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his apprentice Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), the latter of whom she hasn&#39;t seen since he was the boy played by Jake Lloyd in "Menace." Handsome and all grown up now (although Padme herself looks scarcely older), Anakin now sees his childhood friend through adult eyes, to the point where he must be reminded by Obi-Wan of the Jedi rule against emotional attachments. Rescuing Padme from yet another attack, this time by large centipedes delivered to her bed, the two blond bodyguards launch themselves out the window to give nocturnal chase to the would-be killer, a pursuit that involves free-falls from thousands of feet and precarious flying on mini-jets through a maze of towering buildings and airborne congestion. Dizzying sequence tips the hat to "Blade Runner" in its evocation of a nightmarish urban future, but still creates a world very much its own by virtue of its sheer density. Informed by the dying assailant that she was hired by a bounty hunter to eliminate Padme, Obi-Wan leaves in search of the evil plotter, while Anakin is assigned to accompany Padme back her native Naboo, a peaceful Italianate land where the young couple indulge in a bucolic idyll in which Anakin&#39;s amorous determination is bested by Padme&#39;s resolve not to launch into a relationship she knows will prove "impossible." Giving Anakin&#39;s romantic torment an ominous portent is his stated preference for a dictatorship over the Republic, which he feels "doesn&#39;t work." In a beautiful sequence, Obi-Wan locates the formidable bounty hunter, Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison), on a gloomy distant planet of perpetual rain which also houses the lab and factory manufacturing the hitherto unknown Clone Army designed to assist the Jedi in taking on the separatists. But while Obi-Wan pushes toward uncovering the anti-Republican conspiracy, Anakin suffers intense personal anguish when he returns to his native Tatooine in a futile attempt to rescue his mother from kidnappers. Lashing out, he slaughters her abductors (offscreen), motivated by a degree of hate he has never felt before. Through this middle stretch of the film, which might prove a little tedious for hardware geeks and pre-teens, the seeds are being planted not only for the inevitable Anakin-Padme union, but for Anakin&#39;s eventual move to the Dark Side and transformation into Darth Vader. And while the "intimate" dialogue is mundane, and a few lines borderline risible, the crescendo of events carries the day with room to spare, setting the stage for the escalating drama and conflict of the picture&#39;s second half. In short order, Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padme are captured by the emergent villain of the piece, turncoat Jedi Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), and are put at the mercy of some ferocious, prehistoric-type beasts in a teeming, carved-rock arena so enormous it makes the ancient circuses of "Ben-Hur" and "Gladiator" look like playpens. As if this amazing sequence weren&#39;t enough, it&#39;s followed staggering combat between masses of Separatist droids and Republican clones, a desperate air chase and a succession of lightsaber duels, the last of which is smashingly funny and exciting, involving an unexpected and remarkably nimble little participant. Lovely, quiet and portentous final scene will leave millions of fans eager for the series resumption, scheduled for three years hence. Full-fledged arrival of Lee in the final act raises the level of drama, and of thesping as well, to a new level, and it&#39;s amusing to reflect on how this 79-year-old vet has cornered the market in villainy in two of the biggest film series now going, "Star Wars" and "Lord of the Rings"; all he needs now is a role in one of the "Harry Potter" pics. But another happy surprise is that McGregor, who seemed blandly ineffectual in "Menace," begins coming into his own here. Bearded, more confident now and gingerly affecting some odd enunciation, the actor indicates he may have strategized to start slowly in the role and increasingly channel Alec Guinness across the arc of the trilogy to the point where the two actors merge in the public&#39;s mind. Samuel L. Jackson has more to do this time as a Jedi Master and political insider, and, delightfully, so does Yoda, who is voiced with relish by Frank Oz and, in his new digital incarnation, has infinitely more mobility and expressiveness than the character did in its "Return of the Jedi" heyday. The world will breathe easier in the knowledge that Jar Jar Binks has been significantly sidelined and evidently sedated, although it&#39;s funny to learn that this most dim-witted of characters has now entered politics, as Padme empowers him with her vote in the Senate when she&#39;s forced to flee. Unfortunately, the central couple must be tolerated rather than truly enjoyed. Brilliant as a young teen actress and steadily impressive thereafter, Portman now seems calcified as she delivers flat line readings with little facial or physical expressiveness; for the long period during which Anakin anguishes over his love for her, it&#39;s impossible to tell what she feels about it. The handsome Christensen seems like a callow lad, giving the impression more of a spoiled kid than someone who&#39;s spent his formative years obediently at the side of a Jedi teacher, but he seems responsive to the progressive dark layerings, creating a measure of hope for Episode III. Design-wise, pic is magnificently of a piece with the previous films and then some, with advancing technology offering increased opportunities with every installment. The impression of "painted" backdrops in "Menace" is reduced here, and the work of production designer Gavin Bocquet, costume designer Trisha Biggar and the enormous art, animation and effects crews is stupendous. Lucas has drawn considerable attention to his having shot the film entirely on 24-frame High Definition digital video; at press preview caught, digitally projected images looked clean and cool, with colors appearing slightly more muted than their celluloid equivalents in the &#39;70s-&#39;80s trilogy, and the browns in dark interior scenes washing together without definition. After doing a noisy recycling act on "Menace," John Williams has gone back to serious work on this one with a score that strongly supports, rather than overwhelms, the action, and provides more of a darkly romantic surge in its main theme than the actors are able to muster.

  • May 14, 2002, 11:17 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.teletext.co.uk/bigscreen/reviews.asp?intsubsectionid=13>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:18 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.rottentomatoes.com/click/movie-1112314/reviews.php?critic=all&sortby=default&page=4&rid=312014>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:18 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://us.imdb.com/CommentsShow?121765>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:19 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/entertainment/reviews/newsid_1977000/1977887.stm>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:20 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.canoe.ca/JamStarWars/may9_clones-sun.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:21 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.xfm.co.uk/webClient?guid=21252>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:21 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    <http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/html/hottx/film/top_direct.html>

  • May 14, 2002, 11:21 p.m. CST

    and another...

    by drompter

    Spielberg: <http://www.cinescape.com/0/editorial.asp?aff_id=0&this_cat=Movies&action=page&type_id=&cat_id=270338&obj_id=34449>

  • May 15, 2002, 12:33 a.m. CST

    Hey i have a question...

    by Busyfrog

    Whats wrong with you people ? I rememeber watching Star Wars as a kid and im still watching it today but i realize how bad the acting was back then, how crummy the effects where, that the plot was all over the place, that sometimes Stormtroopers hit their heads on doors and that Vader still kept on waving his hands around even though he wasent talking. Star Wars is a shit but mindblowingly cool film, i flipping love it but i dont start crying when i see someone act badly, who gives a toss they are having fun as am i when im watching it. If i want to see a film with some realy cool acting and story line then i&#39;ll see a Russ Crowe film. One thing i cant believe is some ppl think that the CGI is overdone or that there is too much of it.. what the f.. they are on diff planets and fighting massive battles with technology that cant be shown by using egg cups and cardboard cut outs. The cgi in star wars shows how immense the star wars universe is, the first star wars movie showed that there where only 10 - 30 ppl living and working in the death star and that there where only 10 or so tie fighters, nowa datys we can see hundreds and hundreds in battle. Theres no pleasing some ppl, even if Lucus did make a star wars movie that was an exact replica of the first movie ppl would still moan and complain. I havent seen the ATOC yet and im looking forward to it, i didnt love TPM but i went along with it as it was fun but by looking at the trailers and the fact that the clones are in this film rocks my world. Stop being so negitve and look at the positvtes of this film, LOTR was a good film but i dindt nick pick its faults. I have 19hrs until i see this film and i know its going to be fun not an acadamy award winner but its going to send shiver up my spines when i hear that saber lighting up

  • May 15, 2002, 3:29 a.m. CST

    A funny thing I noticed...

    by JediSean

    First of all, I&#39;d like to say I loved the way Moriarty reviewed the movie, it really made me believe unlike Robogeek who sounds like a raving, unsophisticated lunatic in his review- no offense Robo. Moriarty has sophistication and class, 2 things that are often lacking from this site. And it sounds like he has a life too! Anyways... Onto what I came here to point out. In many of the Attack of the Clones reviews, the reviewers have said Phantom Menace had "overwealmingly" bad reviews. Now, correct me if I&#39;m wrong, but overwealming would have to mean that it got more bad reviews than good, right? Well, if you take a look over at Rotton Tomatoes.com you&#39;ll see that there&#39;s 96 reviews of TPM and 40 are negative while 56 are positive? Wait... That&#39;s not an overwealming amount of negative reviews! Thats more like an even split- With the positive reviews narrowly edging out the negative ones... Well, I guess everyone has to like these movies for them to be good right because everyone likes the old ones... LOL. Not even everybody likes the old ones. Some people hate Star Wars altogether. Oh yeah, and you&#39;re not really a Star Wars fan if all you like is A New Hope, like some of these ignorant reviewers seem to say. So AOTC is gonna get some bad review- Although, hopefully more people will like it this time around. But just remember everyone, don&#39;t be sheep. Take the road less traveled. Follow your instincts. Don&#39;t let people tell you what to like and what not to like. Sometimes the best thing about liking something is that not everyone likes it- That makes you an induvidual. Someone with an independent mind. Like AOTC, don&#39;t like AOTC- Just make sure when you say your opinion on it, it&#39;s really your opinion coming out. Don&#39;t be sheep... Leave that to critics and people in the enteratainment industry.

  • May 15, 2002, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Speaking of reviews...

    by JediSean

    You can read mine on Saturday at my web site: http://www.geocities.com/SeattleBoi21/new_millennium.html For a sample of my reviews, check out my Spiderman review at the same page! Now up! I promise to be only speak the truth- from my perspective ofcourse! Sean

  • May 15, 2002, 3:45 a.m. CST

    And a little suggestion to you old geasers out there...

    by JediSean

    Maybe you need to stop trying to ruin the New Trilogy for us young people (I&#39;m 21- but I swear I could pass for 16, and I was 18 when TPM came out.) Just because you&#39;ve grown up into conservative pricks doesn&#39;t mean we&#39;re not allowed to enjoy the movies of our generation!

  • May 15, 2002, 3:46 a.m. CST

    I think I may have stumbled onto something...

    by AlphaOmega Man

    All this talk of AOTC prompted me to dig out my Indiana Jones video trilogy boxset (Raiders, Doom and Crusade) and so feeling nostalgic I decided to play Raiders (easily the best of the bunch). On the boxset versions of each film, you get a preview of all the features produced for the Young Indiana Jones series (Train Of Doom, Tales of Innocence, Treasure of the Peacocks Eye etc etc etc) and whilst watching this preview I came across something quite revealing... I think George Lucas is using the feature titles of the some of the Young Indiana Jones series for the titles of the new Star Wars films... definately EPI and EPII and possibly EPIII... Check it out, in the Young Indiana Jones series, chapter 10 is called "The Phantom Train of Doom"... "The Phantom Menace" right? And chapter 12 of the series is called "Attack of the Hawkmen"... "Attack of the Clones" right?... Now I&#39;m thinking if George follows suit, out of the remaining titles left in the Young Indiana Jones series he could use (and what we know has to happen in the the third Star Wars Episode) Chapter 12 which is entitles "Masks of Evil" kinda fits the bill don&#39;t you think? He could possibly use "Masks of the Sith" as some masks are eventually worn (Anakin/Vader) and some masks are revealed (Palpatine/the Emperor and other co-conspirators)... waddaya think?

  • May 15, 2002, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Do some of you guys..

    by DaDeacon

    Well I couldn&#39;t wait I did it. I downloaded the movie last night and just got done watching it (God bless DSL) awsome really awsome. The one thing this movie lacks in a a really great vilian don&#39;t get me wrong the bad guys are all there but no one bad guy sticks out and the bad mofo! Out side of that WOW, for all the people that hate it sorry. You have both no taste and more than likly still suck your thumbs, if you need people to look at you just step out of your house! This movie brings the dark half out in ani like I didn&#39;t even think it would, his "little loss of temper" over his mother made me understand the vader from ep4-6 man, you just need to see it. The movie had it&#39;s dips but over all a victory for the skywalker ranch crew. Again please see it ASAP if you love Star Wars then this movie will stir questions throughout your understanding of the films. The little meeting vader and the gens. had at the beging of ep4 seems almost sureal. The loss of the republic seems all the more real and planed, I just want to see how it ends at this point. again WOW!

  • May 16, 2002, 1:50 a.m. CST

    Star Wars Rock!!

    by azi

    i watched a midnite screening of attack of the clones bout 12 hours ago and i&#39;ve just recovered enough to write proper sentences. It was absolutley mind blowing in every way everything worked well , even the dreaded love story . the acting was good , much better then what i expected! im going to go a step further and say its better then ESB . i think im going to re-name my dog Yoda

  • May 16, 2002, 2:10 a.m. CST

    I have a number of problems with AOTC

    by Conan_the_Humble

    Before I get started, I liked this movie. The battles were excellent, the score was good, (although seemed to disappear in places.) Natalie PORTMAN was superb. I tell you what, if my Senator dressed like that, you&#39;d have to pay money to get into the public gallery, for christsakes!!!Ewan McGREGOR, Sam JACKSON and Yoda were cool. Hayden CHRISTENSEN, seemed a bit uneven. He was good in parts, (mainly action parts) and sucked in others, ie dialogue. now this maybe GL&#39;s fault, afterall he mainly wrote it. I noticed Mori, above stated something along the lines of ILM have lifted SFX to a new level. I don&#39;t agree with that. I thinl TPM had better effects than AOTC. Call me carzy and howl me down if you will, but there were a number of scenes where the CGI was just terrible. 1. When Anakin and Padme, were in the fields and Anakin was riding on the back of that beastie. That was like something out of the Mummy Returns. It was also similar to LOTR where Legolas runs up that Chain to climb onto the trolls back. Just plain ordinary. I wish I could&#39;ve loved this movie, the way I love the original trilogy, but unfortunately I don&#39;t. GL needs to lose his fixation with effects, and go back to making the story interesting. Forget the eye candy, (with the exception of PORTMAN of course...) and make an interesting movie, dammit!!! Cheers

  • May 16, 2002, 2:20 a.m. CST

    mori&#39;s sugar factor and Salon

    by jbreen

    I wasn&#39;t a young kiddie when the first SW film came out, but I loved it. I have never had any truck with the idea that the saga is, like, for kids. Maybe for the kids in all of us, but not for kids if you know what I mean. And I think that you do. SW IV was all swashbuckle and wistful. It reminded me of Errol Flynn films, Bradbury and Marvel comics. The second (fifth) film was dark and action packed. Hey - we all know this. SW 1 was a pile of un-dramatic dribble, without a skerrick of charm. No swash and definitely no buckle. You think Lucas would have learnt and handled the idea for Number 2 to a good scriptwriter and director. But no. And he can&#39;t pick a lead actor for toffee. Crap kid in no 1, and the wooden Hayden on No 2. You could pick that from the trailers. What were they thinking? As for Mori. Good grief - the guy is a sucker for schmaltz, Apple pie and anything up on the big screen that reminds him, even tenuously, of all the good geeky things in life. He is a quite capable reviewer, but he is an apologist. He somehow overlooks all the bad points because pure unadulterated fandom takes over. Almost, it seems, because he wants so desperately to belive again and because, bless, he is a little emotional right now. And maybe that&#39;s a nice thing. But blind fandon - it&#39;s a killer for a critic. Read Ms Du Pont or go over to Salon&#39;s review. They have a great grasp on pop culture over there and this review just calls it a string of cliches. It is. Sorry.

  • May 16, 2002, 3:46 a.m. CST

    Just saw it . . .

    by agentsculder

    I just returned from a midnight showing and I must say, I enjoyed the hell out of it. AOTC is a great film, but Mori is rith when he says the film has problems. I only wish I could speak to George Lucas personally because the man got a lot of things in this film right. He also got a very key element wrong. The damn love story! At the screening I went to, the audience laughed and groaned its way throughout those scenes. The dialogue was just really really bad, and the acting wasn&#39;t great either. I know George came under major fire for letting the actors underact in TPM, but he let Hayeden do some MAJOR overacting in this film. If he had reigned him in a bit, those scenes wouldn&#39;t play nearly as badly as they do. But the rest of the film rocked my world. Ewan McGregor is Obi-Wan Kenobi! He owns every scene he has a major role in. If the Jedi didn&#39;t forbid emotional attachments, I&#39;d have his children.(Yes, I&#39;m female!) He is just that cool. And then there is Yoda. There are no words, he just is simply wonderful. How anyone could laugh during his battle with Dooku is beyond me. My suggestion for the next film: George honey, you got great vision. Your story ideas are great. This film brought a lot of the Star Wars magic back for me. But please, don&#39;t write the script. Come up with the story, the let someone else bring it to life. I would also seriously consider allowing someone else to direct. You clearly do not enjoy directing real people, because otherwise you wouldn&#39;t let them over and under act so much. I say, stick with your strengths. All of us fans will be grateful for it.

  • May 16, 2002, 3:52 a.m. CST

    I Had This Bad Dream With A Few Hundred Others OR...We Wanted It

    by jollydwarf

    I don&#39;t know much, right now, but I do know that I&#39;m going to sleep fitfully tonight. Was the movie I just saw that good or that bad? Folks, that&#39;s not a rhetorical question. It&#39;s a &#39;cool&#39; film, I&#39;ll say that. It&#39;s definitely a deeply flawed film. I&#39;ll confidently make that proclamation, too. But how good was it? Well, the fact of the matter is that it resonated with me, which Episode I did not (except a handful of scenes). Episode I was just a dull, Babys &#39;R&#39; Us narrative with a pseudo-devil chasing everyone around. This film--oh, ATTACK OF THE SPOILERS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SOMEHOW DARE TREAD THESE GROUNDS WITHOUT HAVING SEEN IT!--didn&#39;t even directly show Darth Sidious until the last 90 seconds of the film, but somehow his ABSENCE is more intimidating than his PRESENCE. Impressive, most impressive. Oh, one other non-sequitor--I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS FILM AT ALL FOR THE UNINITIATED. Whereas Episode I spat in the collective fanboy face, this movie is way too eager to please, like a housewife who does a schizophrenic striptease for her husband. The clueless will be awestruck but increasingly flustered and eventually lost in this Star Wars pornography. But back to us. Was this a five hour film cut in half? So many things happened and my head is still reeling. THERE IS NO INTIMACY BETWEEN ANY CHARACTERS IN THIS FILM. If Lucas wanted to extend the touch of the icy hand of Doom throughout almost every scene, he succeeded in spades. Again, to the unprepared, this constitutes a &#39;mess&#39;. Where did Anakin get so angry? He all but loathes Obi Wan from the word "Go." Or was it "No!" I think it was the latter, actually. No matter what though, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS FILM. I know we&#39;ve heard that many times in the last couple weeks, but that&#39;s the point. I steeled myself for visual insanity, and I STILL wasn&#39;t ready. And I have never seen this anything like this film, because this is now the QUINESSENTIAL ANTI-SUMMER FILM. There is no heroism, only misguided nobility. There is no resolution at all, only ever-augmenting confusion. See Shmi Skywalker lacerated and inches from death and THEN basically mummified before burial, it was harrowing. DID I MENTION THAT THIS IS NOT A KID-FRIENDLY MOVIE? Well, there, I just did. This movie taps into that same &#39;bad place&#39; that much of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" did, without Willie getting soaked by a elephant at the end with Short Round laughing. There is a reluctant in this film to allow any warmth. And here&#39;s where I get all ART BELL NUTTY...I&#39;M GOING TO GO SO FAR AS TO SAY THAT THE OVERWHELMING VISUALS AND THE MORE SUBTLE SCORE ARE GENERATING THIS VIBE OF DREAD THROUGH LOTS OF SUBLIMINAL IMAGES AND SOUNDS. Don&#39;t believe me? What about the characters on Geonosis that sound like backwards messages when speaking? What about when Anakin jumps out of the Cab on Coruscant and it looks like he&#39;s falling into a vast chasm with rocks and rivers of lava at the bottom? What about John Williams sneaking "The Wizard of Oz" into the Count Dooku Speederbike scene? When this is over, you feel like the characters are standing at the Mouth of Hell. Which they are. Notice how Anakin gets a creepy gold skeletal hand instead of a flesh one like Luke? THANKS IF YOU&#39;RE STILL WITH ME. There were some flat out bad things about the film...the pacing in the middle...Jango Fett&#39;s cheap death...the Meadow scene...Anakin&#39;s nightmare...C-3PO in general...the sense that lots of footage was cut to keep this under two and a half hours...the almost nonsensical rescue moment...and so on. This movie is just as shallow as Episode I, but in a way that is antithetical to that. Episode I was shallow because it was "dumbed down", this movie is shallow because it wants to be. It wants you to see how much the surface of things betrays the reality of the demons that claw beneath it. It doesn&#39;t let you rest on a note or a riff that you can get comfortable with. Ah, it is getting late. Time to have those bad, bad dreams. But a couple more points of speculation. I&#39;m not so sure now; is Sidious the same person as Palpatine? The answers should be there, shouldn&#39;t they? But the Jedi being duped that long seems to suggest otherwise. I also now believe more than ever that Mace is a traitor. Notice how he reiterates to Palpatine how there aren&#39;t enough Jedi. Notice how he could&#39;ve ended Dooku right there. Notice how his lightsaber is &#39;in between&#39;. NOTICE HOW HE DENIES DOOKU COULD EVER TRY TO ASSASINATE PADME. And who really erased the data? Lucas didn&#39;t hire Sam to be boring, you know. I don&#39;t care what Sam the fan says. I&#39;m going to read the book before seeing this again. I want some things colored in before I start looking for things that aren&#39;t there. But I can honestly say that this is the first time I have ever walked out of a theater and honestly, I mean HONESTLY not known if I like the film as a whole or not. But either way, it doesn&#39;t matter. I can&#39;t stop thinking about it and how in three years it&#39;s all going to make sense. If you want quality comfort food this summer, by all means, go see "Spiderman" and see it again. It&#39;s a good movie. I knew that when I left the theater. If you want to see one of the most confounding and visually unprecedented spectacles that has ever been made, see this. Just don&#39;t expect to ever hear the words "feel-good" assosciated with this. P.S. From what I could take in of the Matrix trailer, we could be looking at the Dawn of Cinema Macabre starting now. Morpheus sounded like a man giving a sermon, rally cry, and eulogy all rolled into one. What the hell is going on with our collective unconscious?

  • May 16, 2002, 3:53 a.m. CST

    Let&#39;s see Frank Oz do THAT with a puppet!!

    by bib fortuna

    man I just got back from ATOC midnight screening and..WOW! The one thing that I didn&#39;t like is that the ticket computers at the theater were down. They had to look up my pre-ordered ticket on a printout and give me a generic carnival ticket to be taken. I wanted that "Theater 3, &#39;Star Wars Episode II&#39; 12:00 AM May 16" ticket to save. But anyway.. I wasn&#39;t one of the Episode I haters and I liked II even more. The chase through Coruscant was great and the planets of Genosis and Komino (sp?) were very cool. Ok there were some cheezy moments like C3PO&#39;s experiences in the battle, but it wasn&#39;t any worse than being strapped to the back of a wookie. Jar-Jar haters will no doubt revel in his role in destroying the Republic, but I thought it was sad how the most innocent of characters, however annoying, was used. Yoda got tons of cheers for his fight scene and Christopher Lee is truly menacing. The scene where he tells Obi-Wan that a dark lord is controlling the Senate is treachery at its darkest. I was surprised that Darth Sidious was seen so little, but I guess Palpatine as Chancellor was the more important role here. His speech to the Senate is absolutely dripping with deceit. Watching his plan fall into place is chilling. I didn&#39;t mind the love story, really. The Jango/Boba relationship is funny, and there are many moments like the Death Star plans that point to the impending future. Some campy moments, but its a Star Wars movie. I&#39;d write more but my thoughts are getting blurry...

  • May 16, 2002, 4:04 a.m. CST

    In short

    by jefepeterson

    I really enjoyed it. I think most Star Wars fans will really enjoy it. I had problems with Phanton Menace, I can&#39;t think of anything I disliked in Attack of the Clones, beyond being really picky. I will see it again quite happily. And I like Phantom Menace much better having seen it. And I liked Natalie Portman&#39;s outfits.

  • May 16, 2002, 4:09 a.m. CST

    B. Scott O&#39;Malley

    by Necessary Retard

    Hey there Dbsryyd.

  • May 16, 2002, 4:19 a.m. CST

    I Forgot Who Said It OR...Time To Make The Donuts!

    by jollydwarf

    Jesus, what am I doing posting at four in the morning? Well, what I was going to say IN BRIEF (promise) is that someone here or somewhere else was right. This movie will be this year&#39;s A.I. It is going to divide and baffle and it&#39;s probably going to turn the commercial audience off. Incidentally, I wholeheartedly agree with Moriarty on a lot of things in his review, but namely this: the Tuskens capturing Shmi was glossed over because it will be revisited or at least explained in Three. Were there any other human or non-Tusken torture victims at their camp? Well, I gotta go. Digest this stuff. And then regurgitate it here for the next three years. Ewww.

  • May 16, 2002, 4:49 a.m. CST

    ("Jedi Business....Go back to your drinks") = I HATED AOTC

    by phil dearly

    AOTC sucked asshole! Too long and soo boring! The first hour should&#39;ve been cut entirely! The audience I saw it with actually booed at the end!! Phantom Menace was tedious, predictable garbage, but at least it wasn&#39;t boring like this clunker! Spider-man was trash too, but it is a masterpiece compared to AOTC. Lucas is now officially the worst filmmaker around (unseating Paul Anderson, who finally made a decent movie with Resident Evil). I don&#39;t see much repeat business and I don&#39;t see young kids enjoying it at all. I highly doubt it will outgross Spider-man. Watch for a huge backlash by its second week. The film is a jumbled, incoherent, messy, pitiful excuse for a Star Wars movie. Yoda&#39;s martial arts/ lightsaber fighting= gay. Anakin= gay. Mentioning "parsecs" twice to try to make up for flub in episode 4= gay. death of anakin&#39;s mom= gay. jar-jar as senator= gay. count dooku= gay. three creatures that attack obi, ani and padme in coliseum= gay. every jedi counsel meeting = gay. C3-P0 getting his head knocked off and put on battle droid body= gay. alien creatures with long necks who show obi-wan the clones= gay. anakin & padme&#39;s romance= gay. R2-D2 flying= gay. Did I mention that this movie sucks? Don&#39;t see it. It&#39;s a major piece of shit! Worst summer ever for movies? Actually, INSOMNIA was quite good.

  • May 16, 2002, 4:50 a.m. CST

    All the people complaing about the dialouge...

    by Nrrh

    To all the people complaining about Hayden&#39;s lines during the love scenes, you do realize that&#39;s the way most teenagers talk to girls, right? Sure it&#39;s corny as hell, but go to a high school and listen to those kids talk to each other...

  • May 16, 2002, 4:53 a.m. CST

    OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

    by Shrevie

    Just came from the first screening at the Ziegfeld in NYC and feel I just had the most exhilerating experience since I was six years old watching the original in 1977. OH MY GOD!!!

  • May 16, 2002, 4:53 a.m. CST

    I just realized why so many people hate AOTC...

    by Voice O. Reason

    It is inevitable that many people will hate AOTC. It isn&#39;t action-heavy. It has a lot of plot and dialogue, foreshadowing, and mystery to it...and romance (I fear more than a lot of people can stand). ATTACK OF THE CLONES is quite a film. From a technical standpoint it is superb (although I&#39;m sure I prefer a puppet-Yoda to a CGI-Yoda). It does have a few magnificent action scenes. Its not what you&#39;d call a "fun" movie, though. The original a.k.a. "Episode 4" was fun, as was RETURN OF THE JEDI and (to an extent) THE PHANTOM MENACE. ATTACK OF THE CLONES fits in better with EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, and is a very dark film. (How this movie didn&#39;t get a PG-13 is a mystery up there with the Kennedy Assasination, Jack the Ripper, and possibly how BATMAN AND ROBIN ever got past pre-production.) It has doses of humor, action, and fun, but those elements are overshadowed by the suspense and mystery (YES!) of it. If you go into the film with that mindset, you&#39;ll enjoy yourself and be quite pleased with ATTACK OF THE CLONES. If you&#39;re expecting another Episode 4, you&#39;ll be as disappointed as Roger Ebert eating a meal of less than 900 calories.

  • May 16, 2002, 4:58 a.m. CST

    paul dearly=gay

    by buffy3:16

    I just read that post and had to comment on it. If you&#39;re trying to make people who didn&#39;t like AOTC look bad by posting retarded bullshit, then you&#39;ve suceeded. Yoda 3:16 says, "Whooped your ass, I just did."

  • May 16, 2002, 5:04 a.m. CST

    accidentally calling phil dearly "paul"=gay

    by buffy3:16

    Oops. His post was still stupid, no matter what he calls himself.

  • May 16, 2002, 5:17 a.m. CST

    a "buffy" fan liked AOTC? Big surprise.

    by phil dearly

    Hey buffy! Glad you liked AOTC!! But, guess what? You&#39;re a dumb fuckin&#39; cluck! I know why you liked this movie! Because its opening night and you&#39;re caught up in the hype and dissatisfied with life when there&#39;s no new episode of buffy on. I bet you liked Phantom Menace too -- truly an amazing film. I know star wars fans will come out of the woodwork to praise this piece of hackwork, and then 6 months later, everyone will deny liking it (just like phantom menace). I don&#39;t blame you though, stupid, it&#39;s not your fault that nobody explained to you why this movie sucks, but don&#39;t worry, they will!!! Get a fuckin&#39; clue and learn something about filmmaking or storytelling before you try to fuck with phil dearly! AOTC sucks my pouch and so does buffy.

  • May 16, 2002, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Hey Phil, why don&#39;t you come out of the closet?

    by JediSean

    We all know you&#39;re just trying to cover up for coming home after the AOTC screening to jerk off over Hayden Christensen. I bet you had a hard on the entire movie, and you&#39;re just too ashamed to admit. So you decided to call Attack of the Clones and everything else on Earth GAY. Sounds logical. Logically pathetic. C&#39;mon- You don&#39;t have to feel so bad. It&#39;s completely natural for a young queer boi like you to find Hayden attractive. I think he&#39;s a total hottie myself, so why don&#39;t you just admit it? Phil=Gay

  • May 16, 2002, 5:32 a.m. CST

    PHIL DEARLY=GAY

    by JediSean

    I just wanted to do Phil a public service, since the other guy got his name wrong, so everyone on the site knows so maybe he&#39;ll get a boyfriend, get fucked and watch AOTC again with a better attitude. Also, what I said about Phil goes to the rest of you guys on this board. I&#39;m really tired of reading all the homophobic shit you guys write. I&#39;ve even talked to Harry about it and he&#39;s in total denial. I just wanna remind you guys that guys like Phil who call everything GAY and probably make gay jokes all the time usually turn out to be closet cases themselves. I was the same way- Before I had the courage to come out. But maybe that&#39;s exactly what you guys that say those things are so afraid of.

  • May 16, 2002, 5:44 a.m. CST

    jedisean, you&#39;re a jerk-off

    by phil dearly

    Oh yeah? Well, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. So, go fuck yourself, faggot! I was hoping that all you pathetic fanboys that have usernames like, oh I don&#39;t know, maybe jedi something, would put a bullet in their heads after realizing they&#39;ve been waiting three years for this piece of shit. BTW, lemme get this straight, you&#39;re against my use of the word "gay", but you have no problem writing about jerking-off to Hayden Christiansen? Fuck you, you douchebag slut. Don&#39;t come around here no more. Fuckin&#39; jedisean....haha...so sad.

  • May 16, 2002, 5:48 a.m. CST

    Calling Phil Dearly Gay is a disservace to Gays everywhere...Mor

    by TallScott

    really your a very rude guy

  • May 16, 2002, 5:51 a.m. CST

    AOTC vs. Sexual Preference

    by Fuckles

    Wow. Looks like the AOTC debate has been kicked off with a firey start. I have only a few hours until the 9:40am DPL screening at Boston Commons and now my curiousity about this film has piqued knowing that I will be questioning mine and every other talkbackers&#39; sexual preference after the movie is done. Hell, if that&#39;s true, I&#39;m ready to give it movie of the year right now. Last film that did that was "Gleaming the Cube" (aka "A Brother&#39;s Justice") but that was because I watched it while chasing a fifth of Black-Berry Brandy with a Schlitz sixer and a belly-dancer named Bunty who was missing her left leg at the knee (she was a greeter at the Hooters in Torrington on Wednesdays). Jesus! Gotta&#39; get back to the bar. "Excuse me. Bartender? Another round of Whiskey neat for the band and send a Scotch and Soda over to the petite thing at table 5 with the long red Curly-Q locks for a mop."

  • May 16, 2002, 6:42 a.m. CST

    *SPOILER* Okay, shouldn&#39;t Owen be under 10 years old? What

    by Lenny Nero

    Isn&#39;t this 10 years after TPM? Then why the fuck is Owen like 18?! Okay, 15, at the least! Hit me back, seriously. Oh yeah...Attack of the Clones still doesn&#39;t work very well as a title, no matter what y&#39;all say. No, I don&#39;t have a better idea, but it&#39;s almost 4am and I just got back from the screening.

  • May 16, 2002, 7:19 a.m. CST

    Phil, I&#39;m not going anywhere

    by JediSean

    Wow, what I said really struck a chorde didn&#39;t it Phil? It looks like it got you into a foaming frenzy? I must&#39;ve hit a really stong nerve there. I could give the Emporer tips on swaying people to the Dark Side. You&#39;re right, I do have a problem with homophobia... And you just proved to the entire internet that everything I said in my post was absolutely right. You see Phil, I&#39;m the wrong faggot for you to fuck with, because I&#39;m way ahead of you...

  • May 16, 2002, 7:22 a.m. CST

    ...And one more thing Phil...

    by JediSean

    Tonight I was questioning whether or not this movie might be as good as I hope it is, and just by talking to you, the kind of person that hates the film, I feel much, much more confident about it. Thanks Phil. You really helped me out. I hope I helped you come to terms with your sexuality. Later.

  • May 16, 2002, 7:26 a.m. CST

    Hey Tall Scott!

    by JediSean

    Let gay people be the judge of what&#39;s a disservice to us, so unless you play for the pink team-Butt out!! Infact, everything I said was the complete truth, and I&#39;m really if the truth hurts and I shook you up but that&#39;s how things are.

  • May 17, 2002, 5:11 a.m. CST

    Hey JediSean!

    by TallScott

    Hey this is a public fourm so I can stick my nose in wherever I see fit. So why dont you get that bug out of your butt and see that I was on you side in the first place. Next time you want to have a spat with someone and dont want anyone butting in try private chats Eh buddy. And just beacuse i dont play for the pink team that means I cant be supportive?

  • May 17, 2002, 6:25 a.m. CST

    "Phil Dearly". . . well, if THAT&#39;s not a completely hetero-s

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    Phil, get therapy. Anyone so obsessed with describing things he dislikes as "gay" does have issues. Plus, AOTC was a much better film than you say it was. (And I doubt you&#39;ll win much support around here after you offered up "Resident Evil" as a measure of quality in cinema.) Of course, I concede that everyone is entitled to his own opinion. . . it&#39;s just that yours is wrong. That&#39;s all.

  • May 18, 2002, 1:11 a.m. CST

    Obi-Wan vs. the Zerg

    by Mr.F.N.Sunshine

    That monster&#39;s design was obviously based on the Zerg from the Starcraft game. Did anyone recognize if the other two monsters based on any other sci-fi/fantasy properties? The arena was the best part of the film.

  • May 18, 2002, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Towelling off after you get in the water

    by zacdilone

    Wanna get high?

  • I have seen AOTC twice here in the UK. IMO the most enjoyable of the series to date. It has generated some debate regarding the story arc, which in a way was hinted at by some Harry&#39;s and Moriarty&#39;s questions in their excellent reviews. The concensus is that the pawns in the film are being manipulated by both Yoda and Sidious. Annakin is either a clone of, or the son of, Sidious but implanted into Palpatine&#39;s mistress Shmi Skywalker but unknown to her. The line of begats of master/apprentice from Yoda to Dookoo to Quigon to Obi Wan to Annakin - hints at a line of conditioning/manipulation to play out their destinys - Dookoo to join the Sith, Quigon to find Annakin, etc etc. Yoda tells Annakin to look after Padme knowing full well the outcome to unfold, which will inevitably destroy the Sith. Padme is drawn to love Annakin - manipulated by the Force/Yoda perhaps? Yoda&#39;s contemplations can see the Chess game being played out and all he can do is sow the seed for the Dark Side&#39;s destruction. Sidious&#39;s abduction of Shmi thru the Tuscans to draw out Amnnakin&#39;s Dark Side. Maul being bred to destroy Quigon and so releasing an unstable Annakin into the hands of an inexperienced Obi wan. Some thoughts. Cheers.

  • May 18, 2002, 9:02 p.m. CST

    Simply sublime

    by crisps

    Its 1:30 in the morning in my home town of Kingston upon Hull in merry old England, and rather than go to bed all I want to do is think and talk about this movie.It opened here in the UK on Thursday and my friends and I attended one of the first viewings in the city and felt priveledged to have done so.We range from age 17 to 29 but before, during and after seeing the movie we were as giddy and excited as little school children.It is simply light years ahead of anything we have witnessed before, even surpassing films such as the matrix and lord of the rings, which after having seen the phantom menace we did not believe could happen. The great thing about this film is that after having seen it, it makes the phantom menace a better film just because you realise the point of it was to introduce not only the characters, but to introduce the rising of the dark side into the world dominated by the light.The dark side could not merely blast onto our screens culling innocent and unsupecting worlds and civlisations, but had to creep up on us (and the Light side) slowly and pick up pace as the story develops.And boy did it do that in this movie.But what was evident is that the full force of the dark side is still to be unleashed.I cannot wait to see how Lucas bridges the gap between the uprising of the dark side in episodes 1 and 2 and its dominance that is seen in episodes 4 and 5. I am hard pressed to find a fault in this movie that is worth mentioning to anybody.I suppose the critics will slam the love story for being shallow and unimaginative or suggest that the movie opens with a bang (literally) and slows to a snail pace until the scenes on Geonosis.But that is simply because they are expected to criticise and do so to make a bigger name for themselves, whilst in the privacy of there own homes will scream with delight and marvel at the magic Lucas has created.Besides, if the fim was primarily about the love story it woyld be slammed for being boring and noy containing enough action. I am not the biggest sci-fi fan but this movie has lit a fire within me that will burn until my lifes end.I only hope that one day I have the oppurtunity to introduce children of my own to this galaxy that is far, far away just as my father did to me at such a tender young age.But for now I will make do with taking him to the local cinema to see this movie once he returns from his trip abroad, as a thank you for him buying the video cassettes when I had no idea that this story was begiing to be told.That will be the third time I have seen the movie as my brother and I saw the movie for the second time this morning. For those who have seen the movie, I hope you enjoyed it as much as my friends and I.For those yet to see it, get out of your beds and run to the nearest cinema and do not leave until you have seen it.And finally to George Lucas..... Thank You! Roll on 2005!!

  • May 18, 2002, 10:49 p.m. CST

    O.K., I just saw it.

    by Noriko Takaya

    Not in digital projection, curse the luck, but on the biggest screen in town nonetheless. All I&#39;ve got to say about it is the same thing I say about SPIDER-MAN, which is a quote from Fatboy Slim: "If this don&#39;t make your booty move, your booty must be dead!" Now if you&#39;ll excuse me, I&#39;m gonna go see it again. STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE PHATNESS. Aww, yeah, baby. Toppu o Nerae indeed.

  • May 19, 2002, 12:42 a.m. CST

    I LOVED IT

    by Logansan

    IT WAS FUCKING GREAT. I LOVED MUSIC, I LOVED SO MUCH THAT I HAD TO BUY THE SOUND TRACK RIGHT AFTER I SAW THE MOVIE. IN FACTI AM LESTINING TO IT RIGHT NOW. I DIGGED THE ROMANCE BETWEEN THE TWO SO VERY MUCH. OHHH MY LORD, PORTMAN IS VERY BEAUTIFUL , ANYBODY WOULD FALL FOR HER, I AM SORRY I SOUND GUSHY BUT IT REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART , THE FACT THAT ANAKIN WANTS HER LOVE AND SHE FINALLY GIVES IN

  • May 19, 2002, 12:44 a.m. CST

    clones

    by brom

    Definitely better than than Phantom. Two major problems A) This forbidden love...which really never strikes me as all that forbidden because because the actors never really know what or how to react because the dialouge is cheese. I mean yea you get to see the rumblings of the dark side kicking in with Anakin, but to go from the former queen saying ,little "Anni" and the story not really showing this developing romance other than some far-away looks and stolen kisses...c&#39;mon. B} Who in the editing room did&#39;nt step up and try to stop Lucas from letting c3po say those rediculous lines..."what a drag" and "I&#39;m beside myself"? Let&#39;s have Spielberg direct the next one, and get Lawrance Kasden to script it.

  • May 19, 2002, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Prophecy

    by Logansan

    It is Luke Skywalker who brings balance to the force not Anakin Skywalker , right? P.S. Portman is my new goddess.

  • May 19, 2002, 1:38 a.m. CST

    I saw ATOC in a digital theater and I was impressed....My faith

    by Tarl_Cabot

    I liked the movie. I had major problems with "The Phantom Menace" but those problems weren&#39;t an issue in &#39;Clones. It&#39;s not a perfect movie but I enjoyed it. There were improvements everywhere: Shi Skywalker learned how to act! Anakin was very impressive! Great job by Hayden Christiansen! He was hereoric and tragdic at the same time. Ian Mcdiamroid is the best thing about ROTJ so I look forward to see HIM kick some Jedi ass! There were people behind me bitching about SWE2 but I was entertainded; I wonder why they were bitching? Did they not see the last film?? I enjoyed &#39;clones. It&#39;s not a perfect movie. But Damn if it&#39;s not the most visually stunning I have ever seen. Next time I won&#39;t wait until the 3rd day of release! Thanks George! I love star Wars again! That&#39;s all I wanted from TPM-This was a great redemption...May the force be you all. star wars is back-maybe not as good as TESB but it&#39;s worthy...I loved it! I feel better about SWE3 now than I did about SWE2 and that&#39;s a great sign...

  • May 19, 2002, 3:08 a.m. CST

    Prophecy response

    by Darth Melkor

    Nah it is Anakin. He brings balance when he throws the Emperor into the reactor core wiping out the Sith once and for all.

  • May 19, 2002, 5:14 a.m. CST

    Saw AOTC after avoiding all media promos...it ROCKED!!!

    by Will_Wira

    Hey all, for what its worth (not like anyone will be reading this far down the list anyway), one of my brothers and I saw AOTC after avoiding *every* possible spoiler, including each movie trailer, commercial, interview, etc. I even set my web browser to not download pictures. And you can bet I didn&#39;t visit this or any star wars site. Very hard work. Almost made us crazy. But all the stress paid off: AOTC was THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My bro and I came out of the Grauman&#39;s theater sweating, the experience was so intense, so fresh, so wonderful. I can&#39;t stop thinking about the movie, how it kept growing and growing in excitment right through the end. I will be returning to see it again and again. On the other side of the coin, I have another brother that saw a few previews, and the E! premiere special. And he felt like he had already seen the movie, no surprises for him. He said it was "good" but disappointing that he had already seen so much. I felt real sad for him. The only bright side for him is that he&#39;ll fight all the harder to go into Episode-III fresh. I&#39;ve watched the previews and the tv specials I recorded, since seeing the movie. Can&#39;t believe they gave so much away. So ridiculous. If you felt quasi-good but not really about seeing Episodes I and II, take my advice....go on a star wars blackout until the release of Episode III!!!

  • May 19, 2002, 6:37 a.m. CST

    "Everything is proceeding as planned"

    by kiwiUK

    The Prophecy is a sticking point. The consensus here is that the One Who Will Bring balance to the Force has already done so. The Dark Side is neutralized by the Light Side. Could this make the carrier impervious to detection? If so, then Palpatine is The One, hence the Jedi cannot detect his disturbance of the Force even when he is in the same room - "The Force(the light and Dark sides) is strong in my Family". The character of Leia mentions that she remembers her mother when she was very young so assuming she is referring to Padme then Padme must be alive after Anakin has become Darth Vader since they were hidden because they were a threat to him. Perhaps Palpatine reveals himself to Anakin as his father - "...I MUST obey my master" - and reveals the epic scope of his Machiavellian manipulations - "It is pointless to resist my son". In any event, the tragic character of Anakin is fully revealed IMO, in Episode 3 when he will be fully betrayed and left to the mercy of Palpatine - perhaps when it is revealed that Yoda was aware of everything but did nothing to prevent it, since he is playing for the Long Game. The forbidden to love rule of the Jedi makes sense if to love makes the manipulations unworkable by throwing in too many variables - such as Luke and Leia. Some thoughts. Cheers.

  • May 19, 2002, 5:35 p.m. CST

    best Star Wars movie

    by Minpin

    To start, not only is this movie a hell of a lot better than TPM, but it is also better than any of the original films. Yes, even better than ESB. To me, this was a replica of ESB. Almost everything from ESB was in AOTC. From the asteroid chase to the love story. Didn&#39;t anyone else find Count Dooku&#39;s conversation with Obi-Wan strangely similar to Darth Vader&#39;s conversation with Luke on Cloud City? Also, Dooku cutting off Anakin&#39;s hand, leaving him defenseless & w/o a lightsaber. Hum, where have we all seen that before? And even the last scene where we see Anakin, Padme, Threepio, & R2D2 looking off into the distance. Isn&#39;t that the same thing as when Luke, Leia, and the same 2 droids were looking off into space in the end of ESB? So why am I saying it&#39;s better instead of saying it&#39;s just a cheap ripoff of the best movie in the very same franchise? Because not only does this movie give us everything ESB did, it gives so much more! This is mainly due to over 20 years of improvements as far as FX go. I mean, the battle on Geonosis makes the battle on Hoth look like a love fest. I saw AOTC twice yesterday & I still didn&#39;t see everything I wanted to during that battle. But the biggest improvement on something taken from ESB has to be Yoda. Yoda is now my fovorite character from not just this movie, but from ANY movie ever now. The fight with Dooku just wow! It is the single greatest moment in film history. Yoda is truly the best. The fight was just to good to describe. And what made this great scene perfect was, when all the fighting was done, Yoda just picked up his cane and wobbled away. That is just the ultimate in cool. Being so good that you don&#39;t have to waste your sweet time walking right. I, know it will sound stupid, but one of my favorite things about the movie was seeing the plans for the Death Star. It was just a haunting and chilling moment that reminds us of what is still to come. As far as the love story goes, it can get a bit corny at times (yeah the rolling around in the field was definately just one of "those" moments. the same kind of moments that made TPM the worst film of the franchise), but I think the cornyness stopped once they got to Tatooine. From then on, the love story isn&#39;t all that bad. And of course the dialogue isn&#39;t the best ever, but do you go to these kinds of movies for good dialogue or for the action? Now of course Jar Jar is still annoying, but at least in this movie he does something HUGE that really solidifies his purpose in the Star Wars universe. The music is, as all things created by John Williams, terrific. I&#39;ll tell you one thing, it sure is good hearing the imperial march again. Just hearing it in this movie sends a chill down my spine. The only thing I regret was the fact that I knew almost everything that was going to happen before I went in. It kind of took away the wow factor a little bit. I will try to go into Ep3 w/ as little knowledge as possible. Man, just thinking about what may happen in Ep3 brings a smile to my face. I can&#39;t wait to see that shiny black helmet and hear that heavy breathing that still makes me cringe. So, in conclusion, go to this movie, have fun, get right back in line and see it again, and pray 2005 will hurry up and get here already!

  • May 19, 2002, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Just Admit It.. It Sucks and You Know It!

    by TheGorilla

    Come one guys, these prequels just ain&#39;t cuttin&#39; it! Lack of heart, bad bad BAD dialogue, continual storyline discrepancies (uh... R2-D2 flying? What&#39;s next, C3PO is actually an old Jedi master?), and did I mention lack of heart? The original three weren&#39;t Citizen Kane material, but they had swiftly-moving storylines, some snappy humor, and you actually CARED abou the characters.. what a concept! You can&#39;t really fault the actors... I&#39;m amazed they were able to say some of their lines with straight faces! And could Lucas PLEASE stop disrespecting C3PO and R2? The "What a drag" line from 3PO was embarrassing! And the love scenes... ugh! Don&#39;t get me started! Just because you loved the first 3 movies does NOT mean you CAN&#39;T dislike these Prequels! Lucas just doesn&#39;t have "it" anymore. He should become a producer/special effects man and leave the scripting and directing to more competent people!

  • May 20, 2002, 1:29 a.m. CST

    Mel Brooks tribute?

    by tbrosz

    Sorry if someone else has already pointed it out, but when ObiWan flies into Geonosis at night, and the plains are covered with the huge spherical cores of the Trade ships, did anyone else notice a marked resemblance in appearance and lighting to Spaceball City in Mel Brooks&#39; "Spaceballs?" I thought so, and so did my daughter. Deliberate, or coincidence?

  • May 20, 2002, 3:31 a.m. CST

    All the jedi didnt have to die, which is why teh movie sucks.

    by cannibuscrusader

    Ok. The storm troopers show up 10 minutes after the jedi arrive. If yoda had told Obi wan to delay 10 minutes and wait for the massive army of clonetroopers to arrive, then the jedi would still be around and none would die off. So all the jedi die for a worthless reason (and it was worthless because if they waited 10 minutes, they would have lived). also, WHY DOES PADME GO AT THE END. the whole point of the movie was having anakin protect her, and how could he protect her by brining her in to a battle where they are seriously outnumbered? yeah, answer that. oh whoooooops, you cant. any one of you who can answer any of those rants i just made, please try. Hayden whatever his name is CANT ACT. the monotone senator Natalie portman wasnt too lifeless either. i dont know if it was them, or the unbelievably terrible writing they had to act out. take this lines for example ( i might be a little off) Anakin: I dont like sand. Its rough. It gets in your clothes. It gets in your hair. Its not like here. Everything here is soft, and smooth. HAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU KIDDING ME? that sounds like it was taken out of a porno, and it was acted like it too! one more thing, the cgi sucks. yes it does. Just because its star wars, you guys will love it, but come on, be honest, the end, where all the storm troopers were being loaded up, it looked like it was the end of a videogame and you just beat it you know. It didnt look real. i dont know why george didnt use REAL people in stormtrooper costumes. that would have looked alot better. take for instance, that fat cook whom obi wan met at the diner. he didnt look real at all. he looked so cgi it was ridiculous. for all you people who think he looked real, your just saying it because you are in love with star wars. The romance scenes were TERRIBLE. people were laughing at them as they were happening. The scene where anakin has the nightmare? what is that all about? WHY DOES ANAKIN CRY SO MUCH? here is one of the most powerful jedi ever, crying all the time about his master, the person who is training him to be one of hte most powerful jedi ever. thank god jarjar wasnt in it long. that would have made this movie even more worse. upsides - samuel l jackson was completely badass. Yoda-dooku fight was insane. jango fett is badass, but bobba looked a little funny at first. these 3 upsides are good, but arent enough to make this movie good. i will never see it again. I hope george lets someone else write the next one. NOw if anyone can reply to this logically, instead of freaking out and telling me how stupid i am because i didnt like the movie, would be impressive.

  • May 20, 2002, 3:42 a.m. CST

    Episode II the love story?

    by hitchhike

    First off, let me say that I did enjoy AOTC. I was a little disapointed w/The Phantom Menace 3 years ago until I accepted the fact that Lucas made a movie for young kids and then I enjoyed it more and more with each viweing. In fact, watching Episode II does indeed make Episode I a much better film. Lucas had always said that Episode II was going to be a love story. I&#39;m sorry, but the love story was just horrible. The love story between Anakin & Amidala had to be POWERFUL. It was just plain cheesy. Lucas really should have done better with this aspect of the film. The scene where Anakin spilled his guts when they were at the fireplace together had the audience laughing. The scene near the climax where Amidala spilled her guts had the audience laughing even more. Everything else about the film was TRUE Star Wars. I just hope LUCAS packs one hell of a punch with Episode III.

  • May 21, 2002, 3:17 a.m. CST

    The gorilla

    by cannibuscrusader

    you couldnt have said it any better. thank you. People that like this movie like it because of the cgi and dont realize how crappy the acting/writing was, but then, i think even the best actors couldnt have made this movie good. what makes this movie bad is the writing. and it does make the movie bad. not all the cgi in the world could improve this movie.

  • May 21, 2002, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Young Darth Vader or Young Anakin Skywalker?

    by TheGorilla

    Okay, outside of all of the other plot inconsistencies that have been talked about (i.e. R2-D2 flying, C3PO not remebering Tatooine, etc.) hardly anyone has mentioned a MAJOR storyline problem Lucas has introduced... Does anyone actually remember the first three films? Remember Obi-Wan telling Luke about his father Anakin? He says (I&#39;m paraphrasing) "Your father was a powerful Jedi, great pilot, and a good friend." In other words, Anakin was supposed to be a nice guy! He was one of Kenobi&#39;s good friends... Remember ROTJ? The main point of ROTJ is Luke redeeming his father, "sensing the good" in Darth Vader. Well Lucas has written Anakin&#39;s character in the prequels in such a way that he really is more of a young Darth Vader than a young Anakin. He&#39;s arrogant, whiny, he doesn&#39;t like Obi-wan too much (and visa versa), and he has the beginnings of megalomania! ... Not to mention wiping out the Tusken Raider village! Wow, what a nice guy! And I don&#39;t want to see some irate fanboy respond to this with some long, convoluted explanation as to why Attack of the Clones really makes sense. This movie should make sense on it&#39;s own. Viewers of the movie should not have to visit the AICN website to read complex, desperate explanations of Lucas&#39; screwed up plot lines to make sense of the movie. Go back and watch episodes 4 - 6 and SCREW the prequels!

  • May 22, 2002, 12:40 a.m. CST

    AOTC Is Exceptional

    by Mako

    A majority of people I know, like Episode II. A few didn&#39;t like it. The critics always bash Star Wars films. However, AOTC is incredible. Not one frame of film is wasted. Lucas moves this story along and doesn&#39;t let up. And I&#39;m sick and tired of Portman and Christiansen being shit on. They were awesome. They fall in love for all the wrong reasons DUH!!!! Do a minority of you don&#39;t get that. He&#39;s obsessed. She&#39;s fighting her lust for the only man that rebels against the system. That&#39;s what she&#39;s attracted to. That&#39;s who she is. AOTC is a classic. A solid piece of film making that stands neck and neck with the OT. TPM - that&#39;s another story....

  • AOTC takes place in a few days. How many years passed by between TPM and AOTC? Hmmmm.... could it be that a friendship was formed when you weren&#39;t watching? Nahh.... don&#39;t have the imagination for that do we? Or does PAPA LUCAS need to spoon feed your little brains. Tell you everything that happened so that you can bitch and complain about how he explains everything to us. One word for you Gorillabutt... HYPOCRITE.

  • May 22, 2002, 1:08 a.m. CST

    News Flash

    by Mako

    Oh no... reports are going out that people who don&#39;t like AOTC can&#39;t smile or laugh. Scientists have discovered that these aggresive and low self-esteemed geeks, have lost all control of their facial muscles!! Sitting, for countless hours in front of their computers; they have developed a lustful bond with their flatscreen. They spit on the masses for amusement, while picking the fleas from their head. Everything is a war to them. Kill!!! Kill!!! Destroy!!!! Put down!!! Arggg!!!! Heavily in Denial, they cry into the night, "No!! AOTC can not be good!! It can&#39;t make millions of people happy. I must shit on it, and make it smell. Yes... make it stink so people will think it stinks. Yes... that&#39;s my evil plan". But many scientists have also discovered that some of these creatures have lost any imagination they once had. They are now lost, looking to the internet to be spoon-fed with information. Everything must be spelled out to them or it doesn&#39;t make sense. These minorities are known as "the logically impaired". Yes... some suffer from it. Some think they know what "logic" is, but then don&#39;t know how babies are born. Ask your mommies and daddies about that one.

  • May 23, 2002, 12:01 a.m. CST

    plot ideas given by previous post-ers

    by elizabethpersson

    It&#39;s sadly telling that so many posts are reasonable people trying to build plot hole patches for EpIII. It&#39;s not because of "depth" that Star Wars viewers need to rationalize the story to themselves: it&#39;s because the Author lost his own plot 20+ years ago. (If it&#39;s true that Lucas is still working from the comprehensive story he wrote back in the 1970&#39;s, then he&#39;s an even WORSE writer than we think.) Darth Lucas should hold a contest for the fanboy/girl who best "disarms" all the landmines he&#39;s laid so far and make that person his new writing partner. I really miss Leigh Brackett: I have " a bad feeling" that she provided the only usable script elements in the entire SW saga when she helped out with ESB. Many of his collegues and most audience members have noted that Lucas is great at visualization and production values and THE WORST at creating dialogue and managing acting. Not only can&#39;t he write memorable conversations: whenever Lucas makes a nonsensical plot point, it&#39;s delivered via dialogue, and never proven through action. ("You have a sister."..."There was no father."..."somebody or another ordered these clones"...) Maybe for EpIII, all dialogue and subtitles should be eliminated and characters speak only in their "native" languages. We could have the benefit of neat sound effects (the sound of the Geonosian leader "talking" was actually neat!) and a great film score without any of the pain inflicted by nonsensical statements, pretentious line readings or bizarre Yoda-talk. Also, someone really needs to help GL brainstorm better film titles. ...Ever since the "Revenge of the Jedi" misstep...

  • April 27, 2008, 11:18 p.m. CST

    Pogo stick Yoda=flames on Optimus!

    by thebearovingian

    And that's the bottom line! B/C Stone Cold said so!

  • April 19, 2010, 1:32 p.m. CST

    Back when we had flames on

    by orcus

    Good times