Father Geek here at the Central Texas Compound that is Geek World Headquarters in Austin and as usual I've got Robert Bernocchi our Euro-editor in Rome right here with me. This week we also have the reports and observations of Jigsaw out on the moors of Scotland, ratbert from England, and Ethan somewhere in the war-torn areas of Eastern Europe. Buuut before I turn you over to our great Euro-crew, I've received some coolness to pass on to those of you that will be attending Cannes in a couple of weeks. Make sure to mark this on your calendars, it will be the MOST fun to be had during the fest...
TROMA SCREENING SCHEDULE
PARTIES- BY INVITATION ONLY- PICK UP INVITES IN TRO-MEDIA OFFICE
All The Love You Cannes Premiere Yacht Party- Thursday, May 16 at 7:30pm
Citizen Toxie French and Japanese Pre-Premiere Yacht Party - Saturday, May 18 at 7:30pm
Superstarlet AD Cannes Premiere Yacht Party- Tuesday, May 21 at 7:00pm
TromaDance Beach Party- Wednesday, May 22- 9:00pm- Zenith Plage
Father Geek back! Look, ALL you regular Euro-Reporters/Editors who do stories for us at Cannes; Grozilla, Dr.SOTHA, Champaine 2000, etc... take copies of your columns, etc... annnnnnd YOU WILL get into these TROMA events, Kaufman is a great fan of our sight and he will treat you right...
Now on to the regular Spidey... I mean Euro-AICN column for this week...
Hi people. While I was in shock by seeing my favorite football (soccer) team losing the Italian championship in the last match, it seems that the USA was devasted by a thunderous Spider-Man hurricane. I couldn't believe when, on Saturday, I read the first box office scores. And today, $114M (American), my God! Thus, I suppose it's a good idea to start this column with an article about the foreign Spiderman box-office and with a mostly very negative review by our (as usual) PROVOCATIVE Ethan, especially so, considering that SM was very well received by both the public and critics throughout the world.
By the way, I haven't seen the movie yet here in Italy, so unfortunately I can't express an opinion oneway or another... But we have also a lot of stuff for the non-Spider-Man fans, such as the latest projects of Kate Winslet, Kate Beckinsale and Luc Besson. Finally, the American remake of the Academy Award nominee Elling and reviews of the croatian movie The Last Will and Dog Soldiers. Soooooo Enjoy!
Spider-Man's historic US opening was mirrored by some record international bows over the weekend, with $13.3m from 700 prints in 17 territories across Asia, Eastern Europe and the Middle East. Columbia's comic book adaptation, which was directed by Sam Raimi and stars Tobey Maguire as the web-slinging superhero, scored all-time three-day opening highs in Singapore, Thailand, Taiwan, Malaysia, the Philippines, Lebanon and Jordan. Figures are based on studio estimates and will be confirmed later Monday.
Screen Daily
A Spider-Man review from Eastern Europe...
I've seen SPIDER-MAN in a tight press screening somewhere behind the once Iron Curtained Eastern Europe.
We can diagnose Sam Raimi`s brain death. His movies should no long bear his name on credits. He lost it and we must face the consequences. We should remember him by his best works like the EVIL DEAD trilogy, CRIMEWAVE and DARKMAN.
His SPIDER-MAN movie shows that studios whored every damn thing that American culture has created. Spiderman was truly an exploitation character aimed at geeky crowd that wanted to have a hero of their own origin. They couldn`t understand the simplest thing - heroes are different. Greek gods had human attributes but they were immortal. Spiderman is the simplification of the heroic mythology. But it`s all right, there are people who are not as tough as ancient Greeks.
It opens with a bad Danny Elfman score and cartoonish credits which is fine because it ain`t PANIC ROOM where we also had quite ambitious credit fonts.
Then, we go to Peter Parker`s voice-over and his tiresome explanatory melodrama. Then we have all those informative lines where people tell us their biographies in casual talk. I always hated that because it is the symbol of sloppy writing. Peter Parker chasing the bus and kids looking like Stan Lee`s vision of contemporary youth. Right.
Sooner than later you find out that SPIDERMAN is SCREAM 3 of superhero flicks. It`s a romantic story posing as a superhero flick. It`s melodrama intercut with CGI heavy action scenes featuring guys in tights. It`s abominable because we will face VALENTINE of superhero flicks very soon.
It`s full of irrelevant details aimed at seducing the geeks. Uncle Ben is driving the car from EVIL DEAD. Bruce is announcing. Nice. But where`s the story?
Raimi is the noble barbarian. Beautifully gifted meister who`s geeky, cartoonish and comic book perception of the world brought him into the movie author pantheon. But he isn`t able to deal with psychological drama and someone has to tell him so. His handling of actors and so-called emotions (named overacting in my country) is, well, unahsamedly bad. It`s so bad I laughed. In scenes when I was supposed to invest into characters.
I know that the most of the moviegoing crowd are nothing more than cattle pushed into cinemas on the opening weekend. Still, I think SPIDERMAN could even insult them.
Storywise, the script is bearable. It lacks the action and focus. Things happen a bit too casually. But I could`ve dealt with that if the actual scenes were written in the better manner. Now, let me tell you I knew how bad hackers David Koepp and Scott Rosenberg are but sincerely I believed that Alvin Sargent could bring some old school sense of dignity into the process. Even Andrew Kevin Walker couldn`t save this mess.
Sony made a great move by hiring Sam Raimi. He made this piece of shit get swallowed smoothly. Because it`s all slippery and slick. People who don`t dig movies may even like it because it ain`t apparently bad. But, let me tell you one thing Marvel had better flicks when Albert Pyun made them as in CAPTAIN AMERICA.
If this film was made in 1985, it could have been treated as decent. But after BLADEs and THE MATRIX, you can`t make such mistakes. BLADE designed the mode of realistic comic book action happening right here and right now because all the stylish territories were explored by Burton`s BATMANs. THE MATRIX created some modes of rationally explained superhero action. BLADE 2 showed us how to make relevant comic book styliztion on the big screen. And after all these mastrpieces which border highest art and science, Raimi delivers glossy insult to any thinking moviegoer let alone genre movie fan. Oh, boy.
No bad comment can ever stop me from seeing a Raimi movie, so I`m not trying to prevent you from seeing it. But is is only valuable as information on how people can get screwed and squeezed when they overestimate own wits.
God bless, Ethan
News from Screendaily
Lars von Trier’s Dancer In The Dark co-producer, Blind Spot Pictures, is to produce Finland's first-ever Kung-Fu movie, from first-time director Antti-Jussi Annila. The Whole Story is Right Here.
Luc Besson's Europa Corp has launched a rights, marketing and distribution venture in Japan to grow the company's business in the territory and to 'assist' the distribution of a number of Japanese films in France. Click Here for ALL the Details.
News from Ratbert
Not been much to report of late from these shores, almost the calm before the Episode II storm, if you will. Anyway I have this week news on three of Britain's best known actresses, one who won't be making a movie and the two lovely Kates, who are.
Zoe Wanamaker has denied reports saying she didn't want to be in the new Harry Potter film. Wanamaker played Madam Hooch in Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, but will not be in the new film. She spoke out against the amount of money some of the actors were paid. Now Wanamaker says she would happily have reprised her role in Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets. "I would have loved to do it again," she tells the Daily Express. "But they didn't ask me."
Kate Winslet is in talks to star in a new film about the life of Peter Pan creator JM Barrie. Johnny Depp has already agreed to play the lead role in Neverland. The film will be made in London this summer. It is the true story of how Barrie wrote his tale during the 1800s in England. He bonded with four fatherless children and their mother who lived next door to him.
Kate Beckinsale is to play a vampire who falls in love with a werewolf in a new film. She will star in Underworld, which begins filming in early September in Eastern Europe. The film is described as a modern-day Romeo And Juliet story set in the world of vampires and werewolves. Beckinsale will play the lead role of vampire Selene, an elegant warrior with the strength of 10 men. Although her main goal is to kill werewolves, she ends up falling in love with one.
A remake of an Academy Award nominee, Elling
Hi, don’t know if you’re interested, but the norwegian movie and the Academy Award nomenee “Elling”, based on a book by Ingvar Ambjornsen has found a lead role for the American remake. The Norwegian newspaper VG (http://www.vg.no/pub/vgart.hbs?artid=3211877) reports today that Kevin Spacey will act as the lead role of Elling. The Iceland producer Joni Sighvatsson confirms this and estimates a 40 – 50 million dollars budget. There are also talk of Edward Norton as the second lead role. Shooting may start in a year or so.
Here’s a plot summary of the Norwegian version:
“After having spent two years at Brøynes psychiatric hospital, Elling is going to return to the seemingly normal world. Together with his relatively simple roommate, Kjell Bjarne, he has been allocated a council flat at Majorstua in Oslo; now to manage on their own. For someone who finds crossing a restaurant floor as difficult as an expedition to the South Poole, this new life involves a number of challenges needing to be dealt with. With a strong will, increasing courage and a little bit of help (together with the threat of being sent back to Brøynes psychiatric), Elling and Kjell Bjarne stumble along this new path of life. And when Kjell Bjarne meets The Woman, and Norwegian contemporary poetry makes Elling vomit, situations arise where the two terrified lads must give it their all -and some more.”
Siggis
The Last Will review
Sometimes you see movies that are bad beyond belief. You can`t describe their sloppiness with words. You get spellbound. Numb. Paralyzed. One of those movies is THE LAST WILL or POSLJEDNJA VOLJA in Croatian. It is an US-Croat attempt at summer resort hitman comedy that falls shorter than most of such flops. This kind of movies is not completely unknown in Yugoslavia. For example, we have THE SECRET INGREDIENT (TAJNA MANASTIRSKE RAKIJE) with Rick Rossovich (Sarah Connor`s roomate`s boyfriend in TERMINATOR or Iceman`s partner in TOP GUN) which was made by top Yugoslav director of the era, Slobodan Sijan. Sadly, it was badly written, superficial and it didn`t correspond with any audience. Funny thing is that Sharon Stone was refused when she auditioned for this film!!!
THE LAST WILL is even worse. It has no script. The story focuses on the inheritance scam when Los Angeles Black Widow supermodel decides to whack her late sugar daddy`s son because the will leaves him all the wealth. So the hitmen are sent to her late husband`s homeland, Croatia, where his son lives the life of a fun-lovin` womanizer.
I felt bad watching this embarassing mess of a movie. Goran Visnjic (ER, THE PEACEMAKER, PRACTICAL MAGIC) produced this which surprises me because he has ways to enter Hollywood. Obviously, he tried to exploit himself but still it could have been done with more style. His father-in-law is the great Croat director Antun Vrdoljak so I can`t understand how he tolerated this kind of primitive show-off of desperate dumbness.
This is why you should avoid this piece of crap. It`s only relevant for girls who are Visnjic completists.
God bless, Ethan
Dog Soldiers and more....
I see you lot are interested in DOG SOLDIERS... If possible, please include a link to my review site: Just Click
DOG SOLDIERS
There's nothing in Dog Soldiers to match the wit of its UK teaser trailer, A pitch-perfect spoof of the British army recruitment adverts ("what would YOU do?") shown on TV and in cinemas before the start of the main feature. THIS feature probably won't last very long on the big screen before heading off to take up its proper home on the video shelves. It's a so-so werewolf horror with lots of comic relief, and while the humour mostly works just fine, the shocks-and-scares element is much less effective.
The straightforward premise pits a rough-and-ready squadron of soldiers against a horde of ferocious werewolves in a remote Scottish forest. The wisecracking unit, led by Wells (Sean Pertwee) and Cooper (Kevin McKidd) soon realise they're out of their depth, but are rescued by local woman Megan (Emma Cleasby), who takes them to the nearest farmhouse. As the wounded soldiers wait anxiously for dawn, they come under siege from the relentless lycanthropes...
Dog Soldiers is strongest on the relationships between the soldiers - the effective early stages, when the nature of the foe isn't clear, have something of a British Southern Comfort about them. It's unusual to see this kind of mordant, unflappable Geordie wit outside the social-realism confines of an Amber film - apart from Pertwee and McKidd, the rest of the platoon are all from the director's native north-east, and they make the most of their earthy squaddie banter: "I hope I give you the shits!" snaps one of them as a fanged predator closes in for the kill.
But while Marshall can write this kind of hard-boiled barracks-room chat very well, that's all he can write. The rest of the dialogue is often howlingly clunky - and all the worst lines go to the hapless Cleasby. A newcomer to the films, it's impossible to tell whether she can or not - even Julianne Moore would struggle with lines like "Up until today, you believed there was a line between myth and reality." During the chaotic finale Marshall has Megan making a link between lycanthropy and the menstrual cycle - similar ideas gave the Canadian werewolf pic Ginger Snaps an intriguing thematic depth, but here they smack of anything-goes desperation.
The Megan character - indeed, the whole 'back story' provided for the werewolves - makes no sense whatsoever, and there are plenty of dead patches in the over-extended running time where the audience can mull over the gaping holes in plotting and motivation. And while most of the humour hits the target, there are the occasional sloppy misjudgements - at one point a dog pulls on what's meant to be a bloody bandage, but looks more like Wells' exposed entrails. The end credits, meanwhile, feature a cheaply mocked-up newspaper front page with the headline 'Werewolves ate my Platoon!'
But whatever Marshall's limitations as a scriptwriter, he handles the action sequences well enough - doing effective double duty as director and editor, although he'll hopefully avoid using quite so much heavy- handed background muzak next time. On a technical level, the film transcends its low budget - the Belgian-Luxembourg Ardennes convincingly doubles for the Scottish Highlands, and the werewolves, though of course never fully shown, are surprisingly believable creations. But the cash obviously didn't stretch to full-on American Werewolf-style transformation sequences: when Ryan 'turns', he vanishes off underneath a table to do so. Or should we take it as Marshall's homage to Carry On Screaming?
Jigsaw
