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HERC's Seen THE X-FILES Jump the Shark!! Plus: ASSTADOOREAN's Finale Spoilers!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Too much big “X-Files” news today. First a look at tonight’s final Lone Gunmen-centric episode, then a rundown of the series finale’s first hour.
X-Files 9.15 FAQ
What’s it called?
“Jump the Shark.”
Who’s responsible?
Teleplay is credited to series vets Vince Gilligan, John Shiban and Frank Spotnitz.
What does TV Guide say?
“The agents ask the Lone Gunmen to help find their friendly foe Yves Adele Harlow after former Area 51 worker Morris Fletcher (Michael McKean) claims she's a “super soldier.” Gillnitz: Marcus Giamatti. M.E.: John Prosky. Houghton: Timothy Landfield. Kimmy: Jim Fyfe. Yves: Zuleikha Robinson. Jimmy: Stephen Snedden. Langly: Dean Haglund. Byers: Bruce Harwood. Frohike: Tom Braidwood. Reyes: Annabeth Gish.”
What is TV Guide not telling us?
Yves is not a super-soldier. The super-soldier thing was a ruse Fletcher concocted to garner the interest of Doggett and Reyes.
The big news?
The episode ends at Arlington National Cemetery, where a heroes’ funeral is held, at Skinner’s bequest, for Byers, Langley and Frohike.
How do they die?
They bravely (some might argue stupidly) lock themselves in an airtight corridor with a deadly human virus bomb in an effort to save thousands of lives.
Do we see the bodies?
No. (The nerdly trio are said to turn up in the season finale – whether in flashback, on videotape, as zombies or in some other form, we can’t be certain.)
Who are Yves and Jimmy?
Characters played by good-looking actors on last year’s short-lived “Lone Gunmen” spinoff series.
Do we finally learn who Yves is?
Yes. Yves Adele Harlow’s real name is Lois Runtz. She’s the daughter of an evil arms dealer she hates.
Do we learn more about Jimmy?
He’s been chasing Yves for the past year.
Do we learn more about the Gunmen?
We learn they’ve gone broke (and suspended publication) in an effort to track down Jimmy.
What’s good?
It’s watchable, mostly because we’re hopeful the stories of Yves, Jimmy and the Gunmen will end in entertaining fashion.
What’s not so good?
A lot. First off, the Gunmen deaths would have carried far more weight for fans if they died protecting Scully’s baby a few episodes ago, instead of in this stand-alone story.
Secondly, one strongly suspects the boys could have saved the world without sacrificing themselves; certainly all three of them needn’t have perished.
Thirdly, tonight’s episode labors to be funny, but succeeds only as well as “The Lone Gunmen” series did – that is to say, not at all. Having recently rewatched the long-ago “X-Files” debut of the Gunmen, I’ve come to realize I’ve always found the “humor” attending the the troika – and indeed most “X-Files” episodes – pedestrian, obvious, charmless and devoid of real wit. (As if to underscore this essential lameness, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s” three Nerds of Doom have left us chortling all season.)
Herc’s rating for “X-Files” 9.15?
**
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System: Season Finale Spoilers:
“Just had a long chat with this guy,” writes my mentor, the king of spies, the evil Moriarty. “He's for real. So's the scoop. I thought it should come from you, oh Spoiler God of TV.”
Hey Harry - Call me Ass-ta-door-e-an. Thought your readers might enjoy
this:
Fox Mulder returns in the series finale of "The X-Files" which begins on a
military base that Mulder is on with a group of others. He break away from
his group and gains access to a door that leads into "the war room." It is
there he encounters Alex Krycek who appears to help him, but who quickly
disappears into the darkness as Knowle Rohr catches Mulder in the room.
Mulder darts off through the base and hides in a computer room where he
finds
the information he has been searching for (or lack there of). The
information about the conspiracy we've known of for the past nine seasons.
When Knowle Rohr finds him, its a pure WWF scene but in the end, somehow
Knowle Rohr (who we thought was a supersoilder) ends up dead. Mulder is
taken back into military custody for the murder of Knowle Rorhr.
Deputy Director Kerch's office catches wind of this and phones Assistant
Director Skinner who calls Scully. Immediately they head off to the USMC
Base Brig in Quantico Virginia which is where Mulder is being held. Scully
is full of questions to Skinner, who doesn't know how to explain anything.
When they are given access to Mulder, he appears to be talking to himself.
As Scully doesn't miss a moment to run up to wrap her arms around him, he
calls her Dana and asks if she is all right. She attempts to kiss him, but
he doesn't respond in kind. He then looks over to Skinner and says "Walter
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Good to see you." They notice very quickly that Mulder is acting weird.
Mulder tells them that he is happy where he is and deserves to goto jail for
having killed Knowle Rohr. Skinner and Scully try to talk some sense into
him, as they are pushed out of the room by guards saying "Times up." When
the guards return, Mulder is again talking to himself ... but through
Mulders
eyes we see he is actually talking to Alex Krycek. Mulder asks why he is
helping him to which Krycek says "You cant do this alone." The Guards react
to this and shove Mulder back to his cell.
Later that day in Skinners office, Reyes and Dogget are told the news of
Mulder being returned. Dogget cannot believe that Mulder is alive and Reyes
is in shock that Mulder is accused of murder. They are told by Kerch and
Follmer that a hearing will be held and they have all been asked to testify.
Scully is worried about what this may or not bring up from the past but it
is
all she can do to help Mulder at this point, other than to offer proof that
the person Mulder killed was either not killed by him, or not the person
they
are claiming.
Kerch goes into a meeting with someone named Suveg who tells Kerch he is
going to "fix" the trial. Dogget, Reyes, Scully and Skinner go visit Mulder
at the brig again and Mulder tries to play it as though whats happening is
not serious. He spends most of the time acting unlike himself and joking
around with Scully and Skinner. They are convinced that something is wrong
with him and that he is being pressured into saying what he's saying. They
leave.
Scully goes to visit Mulder in his cell that night where he sits in the dark
as though he's been waiting for her. They are not happy to see each other
there. Mulder tells Scully that he cant give her what she wants. Scully
tells him to make a deal - guilty on a lesser charge. Mulder says he would
rather die than give them what they want and Scully asks how he can do that
to her. Back to old school Mulder and Scully arguments, Mulder tells her
that it is greater than the both of them combined. That it is about
everything they've worked for - everything they've sacrificed. Scully tells
Mulder to expose what ever he is holding back, Mulder says he cant and wont.
The next day, Scully studies the information on Knowle Rohr and then heads
home to where Dogget and Reyes are going to meet her. Dogget and Reyes get
chased by a couple of men in black through Scullys to
prevent them from being able to testify the following day on Mulders behalf.
They fail and the trial begins and includes many familiar faces including
the
newly added conspirator... the toothpick man. As Scully presents the
information she's gathered on Rohr, the military court gets ready to present
its verdict on whether or not Mulder will be given the death penalty. As
Mulder is found guilty... the first hour of the series finale ends.
So forget about all Duchovny's talk about being in future "X-Files" movies. Because Mulder gets the death penalty! Yep, no way he's going to be able to get out of this one!
To order coffee mugs and boxer shorts adorned with the image of a green, differently challenged “Kolchak” fanatic, click here.
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+ Expand All
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I might agree that the Lone Gunmen are not that funny but the three nerds on Buffy are even less so unless one is under 18 years old.
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What I'm trying to figure out is WHY are they killing them? On Buffy, when recurring characters die it's for a reason. Did Carter just say: "Hey, I know! Let's bump 'em off because I need one more episode idea before the show ends to fill space!" They've been major players at times in the series. To kill all three for no reason is just rediculous. And Jimmy the himbo is still around. Fuck you, Chris Carter. You fucking clownshoes! ;)
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I miss the days when I didn't know anyone who watched X-files.
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Just because they died "offscreen might I add" doesn't mean they won't be in the movies. I believe it is a plotpoint. Somehow, they will have survived and they will be in the movie. I'll bet a hotpocket on it.
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After the past couple of seasons, aren't you BACK to not knowing anybody who watches the X-Files?
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i wasn't aware of that, since i stopped watching when it turned out that Mulder's sister had been kidnapped by Santa's helper and turned to starlight by the walk-ins, or whatever the fuck they said happened. talk about the definition of the drastically overused term "jumped the shark"
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Are these spoilers, like, an extremely sarcastic/convoluted hoax or are they for real? The fact that ya can't tell says a lot.
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Apr 21, 2002 8:01:48 PM CDT
Sounds like the standard X-Files bullshit continues right up to
by st buggering
As usual, somebody knows what's going on, but has to play coy with it. And when you do find out, it doesn't matter, because somebody else will come along and say "everything you've been told is a lie". I'll bet money that the whole series will end with more questions opened up than answered. I submit that Mr. Carter does not know what's going on, and never has. He's just been jerking people around for 8 years. Look how many explanations we've had for the disappearance of Mulder's sister; clearly, nobody has a clue what really happened, including Carter. It's painful to watch a show you once loved circle the craphole, and I've got it in stereo (The Simpsons).
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I've been snatching up X-Files seasons and reliving how great this show used to be. I recently got my boyfriend hooked on it, and he's dying to see the season finale.
Suffice it to say, I doubt ANY of us will get what we're looking for. Furthermore, I hate to ruin the seasons we have left to watch together b/c they're going to f*ck up the ending. Booooooooooo.
I watched an episode for the first time in about two seasons. Actually, I watched 5 minutes of one. I felt like I was watching Ally McBeal.
I wish this show was still any good whatsoever; I wish it would save it's now-pathetic existence with a staggering series finale. Not bloody likely. -
Apr 21, 2002 8:39:21 PM CDT
Big deal I once locked myself in an airtight Talkback post to sa
by bari umenema
And nobody turned my horrible experiene into an episode of a stupid TV show that should've been cancelled 3 or 4 years ago. Where's my big TV ratings reward? Certainly not here!
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Apr 21, 2002 9:09:39 PM CDT
They forgot to mention something in the LONE GUNMAN series recap
by magnolia-fan
Why didn't they delete all mention of the climax of the first LONE GUNMEN episode? You know, the one where they prevented the civilian airliner from being piloted into the World Trade Center?
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Or he could return as a vampire! Or green men could rescue him! Or his lawyers could file an appeal. It becomes difficult to worry too much about poor Mulder.
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Apr 21, 2002 10:06:09 PM CDT
Lone Gunmen Departure or Why Does Chris Carter Feel the Need to
by odietamo
I just got done watching the episode. How unbelievably awful. Not since SW: ep I has an ending been so contrived or a creator worked so hard to ruin the product he once made which was so good. --- I can't wait for the X-Files to end so this nightmare is over. --- The Lone Gunmen, and the fans, deserved so much better.
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Apr 21, 2002 10:39:25 PM CDT
Chris carter never had any idea where this series was going...
by thematarife
That is why we never found out anything for sure. That is why it has been left to slowly painfully die like something that has been gut shot. He just enjoys jerking us all around. This series should have died at the end of season 6 or 7.
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The Lone Gunmen unfunny? Yeah, for the most part, with very few exceptions, they were unfunny. But, sweet christ, those sorry-assed stereotypes on Buffy leave everyone "chortling"? Uh, not really. Very one note bullshit actually.---Buffy is not the best show ever. Why hasn't it won any Emmys? Because it doesn't deserve to. The shows primary actors' acting skills vary between middling and pitiful. THe writing veers wildly between tiresome melodrama, and only mildly entertaining humor. The action sequences are almost painful to watch, due to the utter lack of skill of the actors and the ineptitude of the choreography. I'd compare it to Xena or Hercules, but at least those shows were aware of how crappy they were, and so were their fans. They knew better than to take it too seriously. Not so with Buffy and its fans though.---Look, I'm not saying Buffy is an utter turd or anything, but the constant comparisons ("Well, it was okay, but THIS wasn't as good as Buffy, and THAT wasn't as good as Buffy..."), are beginning to make my ass itch. Very annoying. Stop. It's not that damned good. Stop wishing that every show was as "irreverent". Some shows SHOULD take themselves seriously. Stop wishing every show was as "funny as Buffy", because Buffy is not a goddamned laugh riot either. And for God's sake, stop trying to foist that shit off on every new show that comes out. Buffy is Buffy. Every show doesn't need to be like it.---Ahh, I feel better now, thanks.
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Apr 21, 2002 11:10:13 PM CDT
Jesus, Herc, We Try To Keep The Anti-Buffy Sentiment Under Contr
by ericalan69
....and you toss out a fun little bon-mot stating the supremacy of the Nerds of Doom to the Lone Gunmen? Give me something to fucking work with here, man! Fuck! // e.
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Hercules is so FOS. The XF humor pedestrian??? Go watch "Bad Blood", "Jose Chung's From Outer Space", "Small Potatoes", "Humbug" or the "Post Modern Prometheus". The writers for Buffy ain't fit to wipe Darin Morgan's @$$! You'd think Harry could get a fan of the X-Files to do this review rather then some fanboy who actually thinks Buffy is cool Heck he didn't even noticed how the ending was a complete rip-off of Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan! Good or bad though I did cry at the end simply because I love those three guys. The ep wasn't all bad, I only really disliked it when Dogshit and Moronica where on-screen. Now I like Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish in OTHER things but their characters on the XF:TNG are so uncharismatic and downright boring it's impossible to imagine how CC and Fox could have ever thought they could replace Mulder and Scully. And why is Moronica always in casual attire? She's suppose to be a FBI agent for Christ's Sake! Every friggin day is casual Fridays with her! I really think Chris Carter just doesn't give a shit anymore. I seriously doubt there will be movies and if there are will anyone actually care besides die-hard fans of S1-S7 like myself? (S8-S9 fans won't like that there's no Dogshit and Moronica) I think they pretty much killed the XF brand name with the general audience the last two seasons. I think the only way it will work is if they wait ten years and during that time they only run seasons 1-7 on cable and syndications, that way everyone can get the bad taste of S8-S9 out of their mouth, remember how the show was once great and actually want to see it continue on via films. For seven years it was the best show on TV and the last two years it's been a steaming pile of dog feces. Oh and if they do make a new movie how can it be the XF without the Lone Gunmen and Cancer-Man? (Not to mention Krychek). Oh how the mighty have fallen. Seems like every franchise that was once the very definition of quality (The X-Files, Star Wars) is destined to fall apart. Sad.
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slashdot.org is getting a lot of crap for posting the death of the Lone Gunmen at least 40 minutes before it aired on the west coast. Obviously not enough of them read the spoilers here.
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That's the best they can come up with? Mulder charged with a murder he didn't commit? They've done that before! Oh but this time he's on trial and is partly possed by the spirt of Ratboy! Woopee friggin doo!! Where's the return of CSM? The Aliens? The UN blonde? The UFOs??? The M&S sex scene?? Two ep to wrap it all up and they're gonna feed us this refried crap? Blegh. It's official, Chris Carter just doesn't give a rat's ass anymore!
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At the end of the episode we see Jimmy, Kimmy, Yves, and Fletcher all mourning the gunmen. I was just thinking why not make a show about these guys. U got Jimmy as your hero who's learned his role in the world and his mission to carry out the work of the fallen gunmen, Yves your love interest and fellow hacker who out of dedication to them decides to band together with Jimmy to fight the good fight, Kimmy the needed nerd and expert computer geek who joins up as the comic relief besides Jimmy, and Fletcher the sleazy, back-stabbing con man who is only associated with the group to save his own hide and make some money. Have them continue the paper, throw some action in and comedy and good storylines along with GOOD writing and this could be awesome. Anyone think this could work?
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I'm not a X-Files fan, I've probably only watched less than 12 episodes, ever. But reading various X-F talkbacks and episode reviews, I'm reminded of something I'd read in a book about the The Prisoner. IIRC, before the series ended, Patrick MacGoohan called up another producer of the series and made a comment along the lines of, "I don't know how it's going to end. I used to know when we started, but I don't remember now..." I wonder if that's all that really happened to the X-Files was? CC got so worked in exploring every possible angle that he could that he veered off the track of his original vision to the point that he couldn't even remember what it was, but simply started looking for a new way out. But, to my understanding, the MYTHOLOGY in the first year of the show existed in a very intangible way. No one never really knew what was going on or how deep it could really run. But as the viewers increased (and Fox had to air specials every so often to explain to the casual viewer and the newbie what the hell was going on) I think there was this eventual feeling that everything had to become part of the mythology and the grand conspiracy. (Again, coming from someone who's never really watched the show). But I think that the worst thing that happened to the X-Files was when it moved from Friday nights. I remember a TV critic saying that it did the impossible on that night: Kept people home to watch TV. As for the deaths of the Lone Gunmen... BAD MOVE, ASSHOLES! Why? Because of the few X-F episodes I've seen, the Gunmen were in most of them, and I think that's important. Why were they killed off? Personally, I think it was sour grapes and shows how far the series has probably fallen. Think about it: Would TLG be dead if their show was a success? NO! I think whoever greenlighted the idea of killing off TLG did so because they were angry with the fact that their own show failed. (But personally, I think TLG failed because it tried to be too funny. Consider a TLG series set up with a Jackie Brown-type feel, with the associated conning and quirkiness to it. I think it would have been a much greater success.) One of the worst things, however, is that TLG still have fans, and to be killed in such a meaningless way is probably only going to serve to piss them off. Granted, it's not the big money arena of television, but I could have seen TLG continuing on in a series of paperbacks (much like other cancelled series have done in the past) or the occasional Fox Original TV Movie of the Week.
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something about Chris Carter having nothing to do with the 9th season?
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hehe
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Oh, Chris... dear Mr. Carter,... you're breakin' my balls here. I'm only caring out of a long time loyalty to a show that I used to love watching. The mighty haven't just fallen,... they've been buried six feet under.
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That had to have been the worst death of a supporting character, or in this case supporting characters, ever in the history of television. It would have been far better for just one of them to die, sacrificing themselves for their friends and "the cause." I think Frohickie would have suited the bill as he had the small "crisis of faith" at the begining of the episode and his coming back to "the faith" would have elevated a crappy episode up to at least only semi-crappy. As for Chris Carter not having any idea as to where the ongoing X-Files story has been going, well that was readily apparent as far back as the middle of season three, when I stopped watching.
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Apr 22, 2002 7:56:03 AM CDT
So everything now is in the 'Buffy' shadow?...what a loa
by napoleonwilson
What is it with fat blokes who cant have unpaid for sex ..and Buffy? Oh...I get it now.
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the Soup Nazi takes the stand and talks about what a bad person Mulder is...Hilarity ensues!
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Apr 22, 2002 10:21:03 AM CDT
This series finale sounds like the "Seinfeld" one. I bet Mulder,
by rick mccallum
HAHA! Once again, Chris Carter is going to ass-rape you pathetic X-Fed-o-philes -- and you're all going to take it!! Hey, why don't you together yet another campaign to give away more of your hard-earned money to take out an expensive ad in the trades to "thank" him for fucking his fans, minus the lube, for the past 9 years??
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I have been an X-Files fan for all of its nine years. Even though David Duchovny left last season, the X-Files, for me, has not lost its luster. It's still interesting, suspenseful, and it's still one of the best looking shows on TV right now. Only "24" comes to mind as being a drama that has topped "The X-Files" in quality and suspense this season. And all you "X-Fikes Fans" who have all of a sudden turned on the show... I'll admit it, the story quality of the first four seasons isn't there right now. But hell, it's still awesome. Remember that for every "Fight Club" and "3" in past seasons we got a "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose", a "One Breath", a "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'" That being said I have high hopes for the finale. Even if the connections aren't all made for you, if you've followed the show, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out.
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I pray someone from the show somehow reads this This is my open letter to the people that run the show:
To whom it may concern,
I have been a faithful viewer or The X-Files since the first time it aired. I have been watching since 1993 and episode one. In all that time I know people that have watched it and stopped watching it. Everyone seemed to want to bash the show for some reason or another. But throughout it all, I have always defended the show, I didnt stop watching when it wasnt cool anymore, I have been the most loyal of a viewer you could find. That is until now. Now, all I want to say is a GIANT FUCK YOU TO WHOEVER DECIDED TO KILL OFF THE LONE GUNMAN! FUCK YOU for killing off The Lone Gunman with only four more episode left, FUCK YOU for just totaly destroying the show and three characters that people love. what was the point? If the lone gunman got picked up for a second season they would have lived, you did this for fucking nothing and I am sick to death of the shit you crank out week after week, THIS WAS THE FINAL STRAW! I AM DONE WITH THIS SHOW, I never thought I would say that, but I am done watching, fuck the last 4 episodes, fuck the next movies, and one GIANT CONGRATULATIONS for getting rid of another viewer. At this point in time, you should be doing everything Screw you!
P
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It got a VERY high approval rating.
AND for a change got a lot of people who hated it. Not just dislike it, but HATED IT.
The good votes out weighed the bad ones though, by far.
The thing I didn't like about it, was the doors should have shut a lot faster. Like Herc said... it was too easy for them to have gotten out of that jam.
But I know it was MEANT to be a do-and-die or don't-and-live situation. Good story!
Finale looks great to me... can't please everyone!? The people act as if they don't like it... it's stupid. -
Dude, what is your malfunction? The Nerds of Doom or Legion of Lameasses or whatever the fuck those idiots on Buffy are called are awful. I don't know if you are trying to fuck some chick that works on the show or if you have a relative that works on Buffy, but the fact that you cannot see how bad the show is demonstrates to everyone how blind you are to mediocre televeision (and yes, this season is bad, to see a good one go back and watch the season with the evil mayor - genius). The fact is, without Giles, that show is lost. Sorry for making a non-X-Files rant here, but I am sick of reading this horseshit.
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I think people thought it was supposed to be a funny episode. I beg to differ. The tone was dark from the beginning, the situations bleak as they could be. This wasn't meant to be a comic episode, but a tragic one. I think it was quite an emotional send off to them, and quite unexpected. I also think that sometimes the kind of commentary I'm hearing around here is the over-indulged result of years of people believing that movies and TV are in a content free-fall. Get a little perspective Those so-called golden years of television had more than their share of shit. It's just that NO ONE REMEMBERS IT.
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Apr 24, 2002 12:31:00 AM CDT
Pettifogg, interesting ... assuming your source is legit...
by diskatopia
... does your source know if or how many of these tidbits are possibly just Mulder tripping/having a flashback on drugs slipped in his food by da Bad Guys?
Skillfully resurrecting the Lone Gunmen to help save the "Prodigal" Mulder would be an amazingly cathartic relief television moment ... the rarest of rarities in television,
so I guess that ain't going to happen ;) -
Don't count on it. The penultimate episode, "Sunshine Days", has apparently nothing to do with the myth arc. Unless the alien colonists are (lord help us) operating out of the house where the Brady Bunch exteriors were filmed back in the 70's, and have an operative named "Oliver" working for them... (and no, I'm not making this up).
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