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Huge Edition of Remake THIS!! WARRIORS Without Guns!! Scorsese

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

I have been a little busy these last few weeks, and for that, I apologize. I let the inbox stack up waist deep, and I haven’t put together a “Remake THIS!” column for a while. As a result, there’s a hell of a lot to discuss. Let’s dive right in with my personal pick as the most incomprehensible story of the week:

”KAAAAAA-NEEEEEEE-DAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

AKIRA holds a special place in the hearts of many animation fans. For many of us, AKIRA was the first chance we had to see anime on the big-screen, presented with something like respect. When it played the Nuart a little over a decade ago, there were huge lines for it. It was a buzz hit immediately, and everyone I knew saw it, blown away by the hypnotic beauty of the film, even if they didn’t really get it all.

Reading Otomo’s manga AKIRA is a separate sort of kick in the face. Denser, most destructive, truly absorbing as a piece of visual art, it’s one of the most remarkable examples of what the comics medium is capable of in any language.

And now, Zoriana Kit of the HOLLYWOOD REPORTER, broke the story that Warner Bros. is working with Stephen Norrington to create a live-action AKIRA.

You wanna know what scares me? One sentence.

”Jon Peters is producing.”

That’s incredibly frightening to hear. I think Jon Peters may well be the real life FORREST GUMP, some kind of charmed idiot, riding fortune’s feather for the duration of his 20-year career. His efforts at producing a workable SUPERMAN franchise for the studio are legendarily troubled, and his input on bringing Neil Gaiman’s brilliant SANDMAN to the big screen was disastrously wrong-headed.

Why would the studio hand over such an obviously expensive property (trying a live action AKIRA for anything less than $150 million doesn’t make any sense) to a guy who hasn’t been able to get the ball across the finish line on his own is a mystery. Peters may be the worst major producer currently working on the Warner lot.

Beyond the Peters factor, there’s the larger question of “Why?” I think it’s an enormous challenge that Norrington is taking on, but if he’s got the passion for it, there’s no reason why it wouldn’t be amazing to see the world of AKIRA realized in live-action. There’s a huge audience that hasn’t seen the anime that would probably go see a movie starring Josh Hartnett and Tobey Maguire, or whatever pair of “hot” young Hollywood stars they shoehorn into the roles of Kaneda and Tetsuo. Or Ken and Ted. Whatever. This movie wouldn’t be made for the legions of fans who already exist for the various tellings of AKIRA thus far. Instead, it would be a movie that would bring the story to an audience that wouldn’t dream of seeing a “cartoon.” That’s really, really sad, but true.

CLICK HERE FOR THE ORIGINAL STORY!!

Until we see Norrington’s next film, THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, we don’t really know how he’ll handle a film of this scale. So far, his biggest movie (BLADE) is still fairly modest. Who knew that Peter Jackson was capable of LORD OF THE RINGS until he did it? Sometimes, filmmakers rise to the challenge of these enormous films, and when someone’s working on a beloved property like this one, let’s hope for the best. Let’s hope Norrington’s just the right guy, and everything up till now has been warm-up. Let’s hope he brings us something unforgettable.

And let’s hope Jon Peters stays out of it.

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT?!

Charles Shyer isn’t a particularly great filmmaker. He worked with his ex-wife Nancy Meyers as a screenwriter on films like BABY BOOM and PRIVATE BENJAMIN and PROTOCOL and even SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT, and who has directed movies like I LOVE TROUBLE and both of the Steve Martin FATHER OF THE BRIDE movies. His last movie, AFFAIR OF THE NECKLACE, was a pretty dud. Now he’s decided to turn back to remakes (a la FATHER OF THE BRIDE) for what he hopes will be a big romantic comedy. The problem is, the film he wants to remake is a classic, and it’s been imitated so many tims that a remake is bound to feel like an imitation of an imitation.

HERE’S THE ORIGINAL STORY!!

Both Shyer and co-writer Elaine Pope have very respectable mainstream comedy credits. Not really my taste, but they have made a lot of money and won a fair share of awards between them. It mystifies me, though, how someone like Pope can keep a straight face when she says something like, "I was a huge fan of the movie, and especially that device in which he gives his inner thoughts to the camera." She can’t really feel there’s anything fresh about that device now, can she? Yeah, when ALFIE did it, there was something charming and direct about Michael Caine looking directly into the camera and voicing his inner thoughts. But in a post-FERRIS BUELLER world, when the device is used weekly on sitcoms like MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE or THE BERNIE MAC SHOW, and when it’s been used in dozens and dozens of films, it’s not really enough to hang a film on, is it?

Really, the genius of ALFIE was the casting. Young Michael Caine was a force to be reckoned with, with wicked comic timing and a ever-so-slightly self-mocking attitude. English AICN readers are up in arms over both this remake, and the word, also broken by Michael Fleming in his VARIETY column, that Mark Wahlberg is playing Caine’s role in the remake of THE ITALIAN JOB that F. Gary Gray is prepping right now.

All I know is when I close my eyes, I can’t help but see the poster for this remake, with Ewan McGregor smiling, and I pray that Ewan and any other self-respecting young English actor is smart enough to avoid the inevitable comparison. It just doesn’t need to be made.

”OOOMPA LOOOOMPA, DOOOOPITY-DOO!! I’VE GOT A MOTHERF*#%ING DIRECTOR FOR YOU!!”

I apologize to Martin Scorsese for the goombah humor in that header, but I’m still shocked at the idea of him directing CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

Yeah, you read that right. The director of TAXI DRIVER, RAGING BULL, GOODFELLAS, and THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST is currently in discussions with Warner Bros. over helming the new Willy Wonka film, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

It’s amazing how much information was crammed into PREMIERE magazine’s recent POWER 100 list. Each entry had a “Yes, It’s True!” segment, and under Scorsese’s, they mentioned the CHARLIE possibility. A little calling around reveals that there’s a very real chance this could happen.

I must admit... I’m fascinated. I can’t imagine what the film might be like. I consider Scorsese one of the most important American film artists, capable at whatever he’s tried so far, and I’m sure he could make an achingly great adaptation of Roald Dahl’s novel if he tried.

I discussed the difficulties of adapting the original Dahl novel with someone close to the project, and they told me that one of the complications in doing a completely faithful rendition of the book is that Charlie is an almost totally passive character. He doesn’t do anything or change much in any way. He just takes the tour and watches the other bad kids do things. The makers of WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY added a scene in which Granpa (Jack Albertson) and Charlie (that blonde kid) sneak a drink of the Fizzy Bubbles drink, just to show Charlie doing something... ANYTHING. I love Dahl’s work, but I’ve always preferred CHARLIE AND THE GREAT GLASS ELEVATOR, which is a crazier ride.

One thing’s for sure. If Scorsese does sign on to make the film, my interest level will spike on this one. Good or bad, it’ll have a voice, and won’t just be another cookie-cutter kiddie film.

THE STEPFORD DIRECTOR

Okay... who kidnapped the real Tim Burton?

I know what’s going on. And you think you’re funny. Somewhere, you’re sitting and reading in PREMIERE’S Power Issue about how Burton will be directing a remake of THE STEPFORD WIVES with a script by Paul Rudnick, all under the watchful eye of Scott Rudin. You think that’s hysterical, don’t you, considering you replaced the bizarre, quirky, personal filmmaker behind PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE and ED WOOD and even MARS ATTACKS with the mainstream slickster who pumped out SLEEPY HOLLOW or PLANET OF THE APES last year. You think no one’s going to notice the bitter irony of Burton doing a film that satirizes the drive to conform, even as he’s finally been beaten down by the system, turned into just another mainstream gun for hire.

But I’m on to you.

Many of our readers may be too young to remember the original STEPFORD WIVES, a story about a woman who moves with her husband to a new town, where all the wives are perfect. Too perfect. Creepy perfect. And when it becomes obvious that she is NOT perfect, they set out to help her become one of them.

Rudnick is a clever writer, but sometimes too clever. He writes broad, obvious comedy, and I don’t know that the idea of him making fun of perfect people sounds particularly fresh to me.

All of that is moot, of course, since I know what you’re up to. And all I can say is give us the real Tim Burton back. You’ve had your fun.

”WARRRRIOOOOORRRRS!! COME OUT AND SLAAAAAAAP FIIIIIIGHT!!”

I know it’s been a little over a week since VARIETY first ran this story. It’s been long enough that I can’t even find the link to the story anymore. But it’s taken me this long to even be able to discuss the extreme, almost overwhelming stupidity of the following story:

Paramount Pictures has tapped scribes John Glenn and Travis Wright to update "The Warriors" for MTV Films and Paramount Pictures.

At MTV Films, Van Toffler, David Gale and Michael Cole are overseeing the project along with Larry Gordon, who produced the original. Paramount's Brian Witten and prexy John Goldwyn are supervising pic for the studio.

Original centers on a small group of gang members who are falsely accused of murdering a peace-seeking gang leader. They are chased through Gotham's streets by rival gangs eager for revenge. In their updated version, Glenn and Travis have eliminated guns. The gangs, rather, have turned to an urban hybrid of martial arts and street fighting to settle their differences.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s stop you right there, dutch. THE WARRIORS without guns? In today’s world? The reason they could have singing and dancing gang members in WEST SIDE STORY was because there was still some romanticism in pop culture about gang life at that point. THE WARRIORS was, in the words of a friend who centered his whole recent birthday party on a theatrical screening of the film, “Walter Hill’s gay 1979 rollerskating disco street gang masterpiece.” It’s a film that is still great fun to watch, particularly with a crowd, and was made before gangsta culture was introduced, changing perceptions dramatically. Gangs today are synonymous with gun violence. Eliminating it from the film is one of those ideas that could only happen in a Hollywood office. It’s simply unthinkable.

Besides, didn’t Wesley Snipes just announce something that sounds like THE WARRIORS on motorcycles, but using the entire East Coast instead of just New York?

Ugh. Let’s move on. Quickly. And we’ll pretend no one ever brought this one up.

SAM RAIMI REMAKING GEORGE PAL?!

Here’s an exclusive for the “Remake THIS!” column, and it’s a fun one. James Jacks is producing a remake of Byron Haskin’s THE NAKED JUNGLE, a film that was produced by George Pal and starred Charlton Heston in a war with a hot redhead (Eleanor Parker) and a two-mile wide column of marching fire ants (the Marabunta). If you haven’t seen this film, it’s a real kick. Haskin was a special-effects guy on films like THE SEA WOLF, THE SEA HAWK, and the 1935 A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM before becoming a director. He’s known for genre entries like ROBINSON CRUSOE ON MARS and, of course, the George Pal production of WAR OF THE WORLDS.

According to Jim Jacks, he and Raimi are going to be working to set this film in the same time period (around 1901) and keeping the central plot device, in which Charlton Heston’s character sent off for a mail-order bride, only to end up with a widow (the smokin’ hot Parker) who he immediately clashes with. When the giant column of fire ants threatens his plantation, they end up fighting side by side, and falling in love. Raimi evidently wans to do this small. I’m not sure when he expects to do this, since it sounds like he’s going to dig into SPIDER-MAN 2 immediately.

It’s worth checking out the original now instead of waiting for the remake, which could be a while. I’m curious to see what Raimi would make of this material, since I think he’s reached a new level of control as a filmmaker in recent years. Besides... maybe it’ll be relevant when he makes it. I’m sitting here listening to NPR as I type, and they just teased “All Things Considered” with the headline “Giant column of ants on the march across Europe... next!” They’re talking about enormous colonies of Argentine ants, millions of billions of them comprising billions of colonies. And just typing that gives me the heebie-jeebies in a major way, so I’m moving on to the next story.

AMERICA INVADING KOREA!!

I haven’t seen IL MARE. I want to, though. Michael Fleming described the film as “a love story with a time twist. A woman moves out of her beach house and leaves a forwarding address, but when a man tries to correspond with her, it soon becomes clear that she lives in the year 2000, while he lives in 1998. And her correspondences to him might cause his demise.”

Okay. Sounds good. I’d like to see that film. I won’t, most likely, unless I’m lucky enough to score an import somehow, because it’s one of the many films that has been purchased by Vertigo Entertainment, a company that has a first-look deal at Dimension, even though they’ve been setting up projects everywhere. These guys had the admittedly brilliant idea of hooking up with foreign studios looking to make some money of their ancillary rights. In particular, the remake rights.

Roy Lee and Doug Davison have so far set up the remake of RING at Dreamworks that Gore Verbinski is directing, as well as SASSY GIRL (Dreamworks), MY WIFE IS A GANGSTER (Miramax) and DARK WATER (Pandemonium). They represent Korean films, Indonesian films, Hong Kong films, Japanese films. They sell off the remake rights, and they also make sure the distribution rights are tied up so the originals don’t come out in the U.S.

That’s the part that kills me. I don’t mind the remakes, I suppose, as long as I have a chance to see the film that inspired it. If it’s worth remaking, then why isn’t it worth watching? In Michael Fleming’s piece, Lee says “It’s great for Hollywood because U.S. audiences haven’t seen the films.” That’s a brutal statement. On the one hand, he’s making these studios rich, but on the other hand, what are they really? Farm league teams for ideas? Is Hollywood essentially creating an idea sweatshop overseas, where dozens and dozens of movies are cranked out, and then stripmined by Hollywood without ever really recognizing the work of the artists involved?

They’re questions worth asking considering Lee ends the article by saying, "I am getting hundreds of films now, and am taking one to market every two weeks. I have sold every one of them."

At least I know I’ll have material for the column, eh?

And speaking of RING... check this out. Several of you sent me e-mails steering me to The Official Dreamworks Site, where there’s a hidden FLASH teaser trailer for Gore Verbinski’s upcoming remaking of RING, the cult horror film that has been such a hot import for the last few years. It’s just a little tease, but it’s fun.

DON’T WATCH THIS!!

HOMINA, HOMINA, HOMINA!! GANDOLFINI DOES THE GREAT ONE?!?

Michael Fleming was a busy boy last week. He also scooped the story about James Gandolfini wanting to play Ralph Kramden in a bigscreen remake of THE HONEYMOONERS.

I pray someone talks him out of it.

Danny Jacobson, who was the creator of MAD ABOUT YOU, is the one shepherding the project at Paramount right now, and Gandolfini evidently approached them about it.

No doubt, Gandolfini is a fan of Jackie Gleason’s. I understand. So am I. And THE HONEYMOONERS is a comedy classic for a reason. The interplay between the performers was perfect. One of those accidents of chemistry. Art Carney was the perfect foil for Gleason, and Audrey Meadows played him like a violin. You look at the shows now, they’re technically crude at best. They are the epitome of early television. Yet they remain the power to engage and entertain based on the strength of the performance work. It’s as iconic as TV gets.

And Gandolfini doesn’t stand a chance. He’s becoming a TV icon in his own right as Tony Soprano, and no matter what, audiences are going to walk into this movie with duelling baggage if Gandolfini plays the part. Half of them will be thinking about Gleason, and half of them will be thinking about Tony.

He’s a great actor, and I know he’s got great films in him. I can’t say I believe THE HONEYMOONERS would be one of them.

WHO KNEW LEATHERFACE WAS SO PRETTY!?

I don’t know any way to be clever about this.

RYAN PHILLIPPE is LEATHERFACE?!?

Please. Why do you do this to us? Why do you torture fans of films like TEXAS CHAINSAW? I love the original. It gives me hives to think of you remaking it. But... Ryan Phillippe... as LEATHERFACE?!??!

ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?!

What kind of... no... wait. I can’t do it. I can’t work up the rant. It just doesn’t make sense. You’re going to cast him. You’ve got this version already figured out. There’s no way this is going to be anything but a train wreck. I’m just going to set up my lawn chair here by the train tracks and turn on the radio and sit back with a cold drink to watch the wreck when it happens. And may the Film Gods have mercy on your souls.

So that’s it for this week. I’ll stop the horror here for now. I get woozy as I put this column together. It’s inevitable that some of these may actually turn out to be inspired... the great part about movies is that surprise and unpredictable magic of a film that works... but for the most part, I find it both hysterically funny and wrenchingly sad to see most of these projects mentioned. Ryan Phillippe is Leatherface?! ALFIE needs to be remade?! THE WARRIORS can’t have guns?!!

*sigh* The inmates are running the asylum, and it’s business as fucking usual.

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback
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  • April 18, 2002, 8:48 p.m. CST

    How many guns were actually in "Warriors," like 3??

    by waylayer

    Hmmmm...either way, a remake is not a good idea.

  • April 18, 2002, 8:56 p.m. CST

    FIrst

    by MyNameIsEnid

    Where the hell is the hidden teaser??? is it just that little two-second red circle crap when u put the cursor above the dreamworks label?

  • April 18, 2002, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Excellent Point About the Guns in Warriors, however...

    by McReady

    ...if you're updating for current culture, you must have firearms. I love this movie as much as the next guy and I don't see a problem with a remake - but Crouching Tiger in the mean streets of New York? You've got to be joking.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:01 p.m. CST

    Indeed, Gods help us all Mori....(also, yeah, i get to say it fo

    by XTheCrovvX

    OK, well, i've already stated my opinion on the whole Akira debacle on the anime TB this week...i dunno, maybe ill get lucky, the movie wont get off the ground because of Norrington being too busy, and Jon Peters being a fucking imbecile..and by then, ill be in the business a\to steal it from them both..haha..::erhem:: anyways...just as a suggestion for actors, i have no idea about Kaneda...problem is, plenty of perfect lookers, less than sufficient talent....but i've always had Patrick Fugit(William from Almost Famous) in mind for Tetsuo, if he reached a nice good dramatic evilness....so..now that the beautiful hoping/dreaming is done...WHAT THE FUCK?!?! RYAN "WHY DIDNT WAY OF THE GUN GET ME RESPECT?" PHILLIPPE?! AS FUCKING LEATHERFACE?! ARE THEY FUCKING STONED?! WHO MADE THIS DECISION?! I want 'em DEAD!! I want their family, DEAD!! I want their mansion, BURNED TO THE GROUND, so i can drive up there, AND PISS ON THE ASHES!! I WANT 'EM DEAD!!!!! AHH!!!! ::sigh:: But you know what? This is one of those rare occasions that i really agree with Mori. You know the shit is right on course with that fan. I'll just sit back, and watch...theres no other choice....Revolution is my fucking name.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Timmy wants to do "Stepford Wives", huh?

    by Terry_1978

    It'll be like a longer version of the scenes with the perfect houses and families in Edward Scissorhands, basically. Get Pee-Wee in there as one of the husbands, and I'll check it out.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:05 p.m. CST

    Ewan McGregor is SCOTTISH!!!!!!!

    by bibmcfeck

    Call Ewan English to his face and your likely to get a lightsabre up yer ingorant ass. Fuckin' English...

  • April 18, 2002, 9:13 p.m. CST

    Sleepy Hollow kicked ass

    by Sci_Fi_Wasabe

    Much better than the relentlessly unfunny and painful Mars Attacks. Apes was weak too.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:17 p.m. CST

    Why Scorcese is the perfect choice. . .

    by Hardyboy

    Think about it: a poor kid from the inner city (I see Ray Liotta) and his old mentor (Robert DeNiro) pay a visit to a reclusive kingpin (Joe Pesci), watch him wipe out the competition, and then assume control of the business. I'm there.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:20 p.m. CST

    Harry should play Ralph Kramden!

    by Blue_Vomit

    Just cut his hair and shave the beard and he could be Raplh Kramden. Moriarity could be Norton! Muahahhahahahaahha!

  • April 18, 2002, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Cool news on Scorcese doing Chocolate Factory! Must see!

    by rubby

    The best way to stop these films from being hits is just don't go see them and encourage other people to not see them as well. The reason for the slew of remakes is Hollywood got hits with their other remakes and are thinking remakes are the way to get cash. Money is part of the game, it's what keeps the economy working and keeps us all from being poor bums. I admit I'd love to see Scorcese do the adaption of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. I admit I'm not that big on Scorcese though I respect his work but I'd love for him to do a fantasy work like this. It's so different from the usual stuff he does that I love it, love it! My interest in this film before was okay (I'm interested in seeing Dahl's original as much as I adore the 1971 film) and now it's peaked at an all-time high. This along with Joe Dante making a Looney Tunes film, proves that I am beginning to love WB for making the fantasy films which made me love WB in the first place.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:50 p.m. CST

    The inmates are running the asylum?????

    by spikendruscilla

    Movies are based on ideas. Those ideas have to start somewhere. I agree that some of these really suck, but I've been waiting for a Warriors remake for awhile. Hope they leave in the afros and tight leather vests....or maybe not.

  • April 18, 2002, 9:58 p.m. CST

    jon peters can suck a cock, someone fire him,most uncreative per

    by THE PROFESSOR

    he suxcks

  • April 18, 2002, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Dear god..

    by sidgoop

    Jon Peters producing "Akira"? Funny, I don't remember a giant spider in that one...

  • April 18, 2002, 10:06 p.m. CST

    gee, and 2 weeks ago Moriarty's "state of the geek union" wa

    by Tall_Boy

    one thing that I hate is when people pass judegement on project's before a single frame unspools. C'mon kids, give stuff a chance. Don't go in expecting a masterpeices and also don't go in expecting a piece of crap. You'll be alot happier. peace out, hommies

  • April 18, 2002, 10:10 p.m. CST

    AKIRA...please don't do it

    by avalontokio

    Ok, we have discussed the whole Akira thing in the other thread. I just wonder, do they already have the rigts from Otomo? I mean they talked about Jon Peters..WB..what about Otomo? has he approved? I know that he is extremely picky about letting someone using Akira in projects, like Tezuka's wife is to Astro Boy...can anyone confirm if they have the rights to it?

  • April 18, 2002, 10:11 p.m. CST

    Tim Burton STEPFORD WIVES sounds cool to me

    by RogueScribner

    I am a huge Burton fan. With the right script he can make an amazing film. Anything dark, quirly and, yes, even romantic (in a dark and quirky kind of way). I think him directing a STEPFORD WIVES remake is full of potential. The only missteps in his entire career was producing CABIN BOY and directing PLANET OF THE APES. Everything else has been good to brilliant. L8r

  • April 18, 2002, 10:19 p.m. CST

    Re: Willy Wonka and the Curse of the Lazy Screenwriter

    by Carson Dyle

    I know the odds of anyone ever bringing a faithful version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" to the screen are remote in the extreme, but as it is one of my all time favorite books I refuse to give up hope (for the record, I thoroughly enjoyed Gene Wilder in the 70's version, but the movie itself does not do justice to the book). Moriarty asserts Charlie is a "passive" character -- and indeed he is -- but no more so than Oliver Twist, Conrad Jared, David Copperfield or any number of beloved literary characters whose adventures have previously -- and successfully -- been adapted by diligent screenwriters. The hard part isn't getting Charlie to "drive the story"... the hard part is being imaginative enough to make it seem as though Charlie is driving the story even though he isn

  • April 18, 2002, 10:31 p.m. CST

    just mix AKIRA, WONKA and THE WARRIORS...

    by bc1970

    where gangs of cyberpunks chase a teen punk to a grandiose "candy" factory run by a mutated genius, mishapen by telekinetical science!!!

  • April 18, 2002, 10:34 p.m. CST

    At Least Burton Didn't Make "For Love Of The Game"

    by Son Of Batboy

    Save the conformist, Stepford Wives remarks for your boyfriend Sam Raimi. I don't see Burton making Kevin Costner movies or abandoning all style so he can be taken seriously in Hollywood. In a sense, Burton has always been a mainstream gun for hire since he makes films for the Hollywood Studios. His genius has always been the way he works within the system to produce commercially successful and artistic films at the same time. I'm not a fan of every film he's made but he has certainly proven himself as a director with a highly imaginative personal vision who deserves more than a smug dismissal. One can only wish for Hollywood films to be half as creative or entertaining as Sleepy Hollow. To say that this movie was simply "pumped out" by some sort of "slickster" smacks of personal jealousy. As for people being too young to remember The Stepford Wives, ever hear of something called "cable" or "home video"? Get off your high horse.

  • April 18, 2002, 10:38 p.m. CST

    Walter Hill flic without Walter Hill-- U Hollywood dipthongs are

    by jianshu

    Meanwhile Hill has to serve the bullshit corp. masters by disabling yet another film (Undisputed) to avoid alienating the imbeciles who can't fathom Happy Meal boxes yet. Of course it doesn't matter-- there will no doubt be a remake of The Driver starring Vin Diesal and directed by Tom Shadyac and a new 48HRs starring Martin Lawrence and Paul Walker directed by Jerry Bruckheimer- I meant his lapdog Bay-- what's the difference. And internet fanboys will be happy they get a gay discotheque martial arts movie by Quenton Tarninto or whatever the f-- his hasbeen name is!

  • April 18, 2002, 10:45 p.m. CST

    NEGATIVE REVIEW OF STAR WARS Ep.2!!!!!!!!!!! click here

    by kubrick 101

    http://www.somethingawful.com/truthmedia/starwars2/ ______ That's right dejavu all over again.

  • April 18, 2002, 10:48 p.m. CST

    I'm willing to bet money that the "Akira" project never come

    by Mr. Wednesday

    A number of factors are not only agaist this working as a film, but also against it ever getting off the ground.

  • April 18, 2002, 11:09 p.m. CST

    what about the Marilyn Manson's "Wonka"??

    by phasmatrope

    Christ, this is a lot of news to deal with. Sounds depressingly like one too many fucking remakes, but then again, what else is new in creatively safe and lazy Hollywood? AKIRA just seems too fucking BIG to do as a live action movie. The budget could easily reach $200. Plus, knowing Hollywood, they'd dumb it down and censor it ad nauseum, when the animated film was already a pretty skimmed-down adapation of the epic graphic novel. Also, assuming it matters, what about the problem of changing the Japanese characters to Westerners? Where'll it be set, "Neo-New York"? (New York Squared?) How does that reflect on the historical Hiroshima relevance of the original's Japan setting? I'd say this would probably be about as challenging to do well in live action as THE WATCHMEN would be. They should probably just do it as a fleshed-out miniseries, or not at all. I guess "Stepford Wives" would be somewhat worthy of remaking. The original's author William Goldman sure felt they dropped the ball on the casting in the first version. And "Willy Wonka"... has anyone else here heard about the remake of this that Marilyn Manson (no, you heard that right) had been trying to get off the ground?? I wonder if he's had any say in the matter. Geez, how does one go from "Taxi Driver" and "The Last Temptation of Christ" to... Oompa Loompas??

  • Ah yes, you KNOW that would get some colorful reactions from fans. Of course they could always cast Keanu and Freddie Prinze Jr too. I know, I'm a sadist. Anyway, look on the bright side, Jon Peters hasn't been able to get any of his projects off the ground--so this one may never see the light of day with him in charge. If I thought Hollywood could be trusted to do a good job with this I'd say do it, only remake the manga and not the Anime--and while you're at it, adapt Miyazaki's Nausicaa manga as well, but I *don't* trust them so...

  • To each his own, but it's a bit much when you praise stuff like Gladiator and The Mummy Returns and call Sleepy Hollow 'slick'.............. I know its a bit much to expect all sorts of wonders in a studio summer movie like Planet of the Apes but believe me it can happen........If there is anyone more consistently misunderstood among American film makers its Tim Burton...............He channels the nihilism of the earlier series and transforms it into an exquisite atavistic fable................The distancing techniques that he uses in the film reminded me of Lang in his early noir period-hard to observe,but worth the effort.............The subtle changes in the the degree of depth and surface texture of his compositions,the reframing of his protagonists towards the climax,the use of animist religion and the misguided purity of one of its followers(Michael Clarke Duncan as Attar,the films best character and not coincidentally the one who comes in for most abuse.By the end he loses his faith in religion and friendship)are all themes that Burton has been working towards since Pee wee Big Adventure...........They come to full fruitition here.........What a pity that no one was there to appreciate it...........Why do you think Burton tries to explain the similarities between apes and humans as an indication of our origin?........while highlighting the differences to help shape our ideas of ourselves as both being distinct from our animal 'ancestors' and possessing a 'unique' destiny........remember that last shot..........Constructing and exploring human self-identity has been an important part of our fascination with apes.................Burton uses this fascination to construct or rather deconstruct human society and its supeficial obsessions.............everything that the apes do as a society is mocked at.......Hope that that didn't come off sounding as a lot of gobbledygook,but I believe that Burtons attitude towards Christian religion plays a major role in each of his movies,be they the sublime 'Sleepy Hollow' or the insipid 'Batman'...............You needn't worry with any of Burtons statements regarding the film after it came out.........A great artist may never himself be convinced of his worth,but that does not mean that we film fans cannot appreciate it............The whole of the French New Wave came out of observing the hidden artistry in obscure Hollywood works(at the time) like Vertigo,A Touch of Evil,The Searchers,The Big Heat,Rio Bravo to cite only a few examples............Back in their day they too were rejected as 'mere genre pieces'(I remember that both Vertigo and Rio Bravo were called'failures') having no 'message' whatsoever............Remember any of them?

  • April 18, 2002, 11:22 p.m. CST

    "Negative Star Wars review" a FRAUD

    by RumPunch

    Kubrick 101 --- The front page of the site with the negative SW review says, " ... try to see how many people you can trick into thinking it's a real, legitimate review. ... We want to keep this as realistic as possible and try to sucker as many zealot idiot fans as possible."

  • April 18, 2002, 11:27 p.m. CST

    The Ryan Phillippe Bit Was An April Fool's Joke On Creature-

    by Smilin'Jack Ruby

    Go Butane!

  • April 18, 2002, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Very funny, yet informative, Mori....

    by Otter

    The Warriors as a "gay disco masterpiece".... very funny. I love that movie, but I was in my "gang" mode back then, so it has some fond memories...as far as Jon Peters: did they REALLY have to give him this much power in Hollywood JUST because he banged Barbra Streisand?

  • April 18, 2002, 11:32 p.m. CST

    Well...

    by Mr. Wednesday

    Just by reading that review you could tell it was fake. The dude was rambling about padded bras and good acting by the clones and stuff. It might have been funny had they not used Exclamation marks. Without the constant !s everything would've been much more low key and funny, but with them it just screamed "I'm trying way too hard! Look at me! Give me attention!" The point? There isn't one....But to make this a bit more relevant, let's bet on whether or not Peters tries to put a Giant SPider or Fighting Polar Bears in "Akira". I can see it now..... "Tetsuooooo!" *ROAR! Bah, that was sucky.

  • April 18, 2002, 11:44 p.m. CST

    Sleepy Hollow

    by Micmac

    I agree with some of the above posters. Sleepy Hollow was a very entertaining flick. The horseman's sword moves alone made it worth watching. Mars Attacks was okay, never seen Planet of the Apes but I've only heard atrocious things about it.

  • April 18, 2002, 11:54 p.m. CST

    As soon as I read that Jon Peters is trying to produce a live ac

    by Basic Alias

    And it's so unlike me, too. Still, I'm over it now. In fact, I hope this gets green-lit. That and Bay's Texas Chainsaw Mediocrity. You see, I know what'll happen with these films. They'll make a lot of money, but they'll cost so much to produce and sell that the studios will end up in the red. And since the films will be so forgettable they'll have to pump even more money just to get people to rent them. And in the end, it'll just be another turkey in their library. Anyone who goes into business with an illiterate goon like Peters deserves to be gouged. Even more for those who green-light stuff from Jerry Bruckheimer's bitch.

  • April 18, 2002, 11:59 p.m. CST

    In the "Why are they still working" category: Jon Peters and Cha

    by Christopher3

    These guys are the Nixons of Hollywood. They must have some CIA-worthy dirt on the higher-ups, or they would have been cast from Mt. Olympus by now. P.S. Burton is going to play "Stepford Wives" for laughs, which I think is superfluous given the fact that he's already taken the mickey of suburban America in "Beetlejuice," "Ed Scissorhands" and ONLY EVERY OTHER MOVIE HE'S MADE. Pick something else, Tim.

  • April 19, 2002, 12:06 a.m. CST

    Wonka = Potter, only better

    by Carson Dyle

    I know the odds of anyone ever bringing a faithful version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" to the screen are remote in the extreme, but as it is one of my all time favorite books I refuse to give up hope (for the record, I thoroughly enjoyed Gene Wilder in the 70's version, but the movie itself does not do justice to the book). Moriarty asserts Charlie is a "passive" character -- and indeed he is -- but no more so than Oliver Twist, Conrad Jared, David Copperfield or any number of beloved literary characters whose adventures have previously -- and successfully -- been adapted by diligent screenwriters. The hard part isn't getting Charlie to "drive the story"... the hard part is being imaginative enough to make it seem as though Charlie is driving the story even though he isn

  • April 19, 2002, 12:29 a.m. CST

    Are you kidding me? Fanboys will adore Jon Peters' AKIRA!

    by KingKrypton

    After all, they're practically bouncing off the walls with joy over the JJ Abrams/McG pairing Peters put together for SUPERMAN, especially in light of SMALLVILLE. I'm not kidding. They're absolutely delighted with the creative team on the new movie (notably at DC Comics' official site, as well as some folks at Superman CINEMA), simply because (a) the "death of" story has been scrapped and (b) JJ Abrams pulled a Kevin Smith-style "I'm sticking with the flying and costume" boast (of course, we all know how well it went when Smith said the same thing on the project, no thanks to Burton-Peters). They think that if Abrams says it, then it's cast in stone and that the movie's going to be good (and they blatantly refuse to believe that anyone could/would overrule Abrams, even though he

  • April 19, 2002, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Ring

    by PattyOGreen

    is such a fantastic movie that I have to have no hope whatsoever that the Hollywood version will be any good. Probably not even as good as the sequel. On the teaser tape site... no creepy lady? No well? Grrr... nothing to make it creepy by itself at all. Freakin' Hollywood.

  • April 19, 2002, 1:44 a.m. CST

    About the dreamworks site

    by jaimefilm

    I can't fucking find that hidden teaser thing. can anyone help?

  • April 19, 2002, 1:51 a.m. CST

    Shootout at the Akira corral!

    by Zardoz

    Akira is being remade as a live action western? That can't possibly be right, can it? If so, I positively flummoxed as to how they will transfer a post-apocalyptic, neo-mutant, sci-fi flick into a western. If they can pull it off I would be VERY impressed. (oh, and Planet of the Apes was crap, but Sleepy Hollow has become a guilty pleasure on DVD)

  • April 19, 2002, 2 a.m. CST

    The truth about that negative Episode II review...

    by 0007

    This is from the "hidden" directory of that weblink someone posted earlier. http://www.somethingawful.com/truthmedia/ TruthMedia Reviews If you have stumbled upon this page, the index that contains all the TruthMedia reviews, chances are you have at least some iota of intelligence. This is a good thing because each and every single "TruthMedia" review in this section is complete and total bullshit created solely to generate flame mail from Internet citizens who, for some pathetic reason, have attached their egos to a movie, band, or game company. The sheer intensity that some people exhibit while defending whatever silly movie or band just boggles our minds, so this section of the site was created to prey upon these people's idiocy and use it for our own personal amusement. Flame mail from every article will be posted randomly throughout the week, and the more flame mail, the better the ranking the author receives. Most of the authors have not even seen the movies, heard the music CDs, or used the software reviewed; we simply leaf through various online reviews and summarize them while creating grevious typos, factual errors, and outright fallacies in an attempt to shatter the fragile little worlds of people who associate their entire personality and sense of being with a random form of capitalistic media. We plan on continuing to do this until America realizes that we're not defined by the music, movies, and products we buy... so basically, this section will go on for infinity or possibly longer. Please help us increase the amount of stupid, incoherent, rambling flame mail by forwarding direct links to the reviews to all your zealot, media-obsessed friends so they will write us and result in unintentionally entertaining every rational, sane person who reads this site. Under NO circumstances should you spam, flood, or harass people, newsgroups, or websites with these links. Oh, and while reading the flame messages sent to our "reviewers," make sure to keep in mind that by a single click of the mouse any one of these moron readers could've reached this page and read this text explaining that the entire review section is a joke and 100% bullshit. You know, if your outlook on all humanity wasn't depressing enough as is. The Internet makes you stupid. The original (fake) review is at: http://www.somethingawful.com/truthmedia/starwars2/ It is a pretty funny concept to create fake reviews, while yet having a "hidden" page that pissed off people will find while frantically trying to find th e-mail address of the source that claims authorship of the review!

  • April 19, 2002, 2:20 a.m. CST

    "The Texas Saw-Zall Massacre" starring Ryan Phillipe

    by Dolemite_fan

    They might as well change the fucking title too, b/c that muthafucker couldnt even handle a chainsaw. This just pisses me off and now I am all heated...and I gotta go poop.

  • April 19, 2002, 3:13 a.m. CST

    WARRIORS and Norrington.

    by Cash Bailey

    BLADE was decent, but Norrinton has been riding that for years. His occasional flirting with cool projects keeps his name on fanboy's lips, but it's approaching the point where he has to either put up or shut up and actually make something. And as for THE WARRIORS - correct me if I'm wrong but that movie didn't really have any guns in it. The fighting was all done with implements and fists. Anyway, what I'M waiting for is some more info on that BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA remake. Oh yeah, and PANIC ROOM ROCKS THE HIZZ-OUSSSSE!!

  • April 19, 2002, 3:56 a.m. CST

    KingKong33: Peters credits (or lack thereof)

    by MGTHEDJ

    Jon Peters is the man resposible for firing (or is it driving away, I can never keep that story staight) Kevin Smith from "Superman" in the 1990's. He was THE MAN among the suits overseeing "Wild Wild West" and we know how that turned out. The mechanical spider was his idea. He helped bury "Mask of the Phantasm" and "Batman and Robin: Sub-Zero". He has been one of the people keepong Paul Dini and Bruce Timm from working on the next "Batman" and "Superman" live action films. And he (or at least his style of "filmmaking") has been part of some of the more "interesting" decisions when it comes to "The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions". Let's hope the Bros. W have been able to work around or at least adapted these "interesting" ideas in such a way that it doesn't hurt the films. "The Matrix" succeeded because the suits were so focused making a mess of "WWW". Other films made while he was a MAJOR player on the WB lot: "Lost in Space", "U.S. Marshalls", "Batman & Robin", "Lethal Weapon 3&4", "Abolute Power", and several other major releases out of WB between 1994-1999. Peters was one of The Players of New Hollywood-- people who started working in movies in L.A. between 1960 and 1970. It starts with Warren Beatty's big screen debut and goes through Coppolla doing "Brigadoon" and Hopper doing "Easy Rider". Peters by dating Streisand became a friend of that crowd and he has stayed around because of those friends. Basically as was stated earlier he does have a lot of dirt on A LOT of people. Let's hope the "Akira" deal is just a way for him to get a check from AOL-Time Warner and the other execs. in the company have no intention of really doing the film.-----later-----m

  • April 19, 2002, 4:15 a.m. CST

    Why don't you ease off the Burton-bashing, Moriarty?

    by darthflagg

    So he made one mediocre film (POTA). How does that suddenly make him a studio hack on the level of Michael Bay and Joel Schumacher? I'd prefer an original film from him too, but The Stepford Wives wouldn't be a bad choice.

  • April 19, 2002, 4:58 a.m. CST

    Warriors remake * 2

    by DannyOcean01

    So we have a remake with no guns as if this is some big statement. There were pretty much no guns in the original. Also we have Snipes in Ruff Riders, a biker 'Warriors'. One remakes bad enough but two makes me despair. The Ring remake is possibly the worst because the original is one of the most unsettling films I have ever seen, and in the hands of Hollywood I know this will be awful. I have never been creeped out by a Hollywood film..NEVER. Please anyone who hasn't seen the original trilogy, track them down because they are benchmark horror films.

  • April 19, 2002, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Flame on: Why Americans Can't Do British

    by octoberson

    Well apart from the fact that most of them are whinging little pricks who don't know how good they've got it, they don't no anything about the world outside their agressive pin head cowboy nation. Ewan McGregor isn't English, he isn't Irish, he isn't French or Hungarian, he isn't Canadian or Mexican but HE IS FUCKING SCOTTISH - get it right you dicks.

  • April 19, 2002, 5:33 a.m. CST

    Hollywood and Despair

    by DannyOcean01

    I write this as a plea, a plea coming from a normal nobody who loves movies and would really love to work in the medium that has brought joy to my life for the 12 or so years I could really appreciate it, and still brings joy with each new cinematic discovery. Please Hollywood try and bring yourself back from the abyss of mediocrity and away from a moneyhungry malady. I'm not saying Hollywood has ever not been completely conscious of revenue. Of course it has, it's a business like any other. But in the last few years, the number of remakes and reimaginings; dumbing down and going for the sure thing over the new thing, has increased to almost epic proportions. I won't go into a rant that no one reads because I haven't got the time or the patience but I will say this. When Darryl F Zanuck was alive and at the top of his game he made his cinematic decisions based on quality first and value second: Pinkie, How Green Was My Valley, The Grapes of Wrath, Gentleman's Agreement and many others. He dealt with social issues and prejudice at a time when nobody would because it wasn't seen as commercial. And now long after he died in a Hollywood in which his son works, that demand for quality has been almost completely forgotten. I despair..

  • April 19, 2002, 5:43 a.m. CST

    Akira and Jon Peters....

    by Bruce Leroy

    Be afraid...Be VERY afraid.

  • April 19, 2002, 5:57 a.m. CST

    And another thing...

    by Bruce Leroy

    For people that don't understand why everyone is badmouthing Jon Peters. Read this bit here http://www.supermanhomepage.com/movies/regarding-jon-peters.html After reading the interview with Kevin Smith, telling about how Peters tried to fuck him up. I believe every word on what that person said on that page. Someone get rid of this guy NOW!

  • April 19, 2002, 6:04 a.m. CST

    Jesus Christ!!!!

    by KID AB

    Why oh why are there so many remakes going on right now. Moriarty's right with his last sentence. It's just crazy, have the studios ever heard of ORIGINAL IDEAS before!!!! The Martin Scorcese/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory story is the one i'm most interested in, but ALFIE, THE WARRIORS and now BILLY LIAR. The world has offically gone insane.

  • April 19, 2002, 6:30 a.m. CST

    goddamn turd on a stick...

    by Mithril

    what are these people thinking?!? WTF! ***Oh, bc1970, laughed out loud at that. Might make an interesting flick. ***Carson Dyle, so agree with everything you said. Then again "The Witches" was changed quite a bit from the book and I actually enjoy the film more than the book now. The 1970s film (and the Futurama parody) were great, as is the book. If Scorcese does it, it will be interesting, but somehow I'd root more for some other versions. ***Oh, and even if Philippe isn't playing Leatherface, the movie will still stink to high heaven! Michael Bay remaking "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"?!? That's it, satan is skating to work. ***Burton doing "The Stepford Wives"? Tim, you've been there and done that. Parodies of suburbia and today's conformist society are evident in so much of Burton's earlier work I don't think he could add much new with this one. Oh, and I like "Sleepy Hollow". But PotA sucked donkey balls (or should that be orangutan balls?)! ***Westernized "Akira"? Oh sweet jesus, what are you doing to me?! With our luck it'll star Freddie Prinze jr. as Kaneda (or Kenny or whatever) with Matthew Lillard as his ridiculed, bud-since-kids pal Tetsuo (or Teddy). Cue cries of "Dude, where's my cool motorbike with the no-skid brakes and major horsepowers?" "Dude, where's your bike?" "Dude, where's my bike?" ad infinitum. With any luck, Otomo will tell them to shove it and this travesty will become another film that never was. ***And "Warriors" with no guns and all the gangs doing martial arts? WTF!?! The original "Warriors" wasn't exactly dead-on realistic (remember some of those ridiculous gang outfits), but they had realistic weapons and equipment: handguns, baseball bats, motorcycles, chains, knives and their bare fists. Even the unrealities were mainly due to the fact that even then gangs were a bit of a fringe idea that people still had pretty weird or romanticized ideas about. But considering the increase in gang violence and public knowledge about the subject since then and how we know how unromantic it all is in real life, they should stick to the grittiness in "Warriors" when making a remake, and have the fighting (as in the original) at least stay realistic. Nowadays, gangs are all about guns! Knives and hand-to-hand stuff are there too, but if you have gangs doing complex kung-fu during street fights, it's gonna be total crap! Oh, and the original get-up of the Warriors themselves was fucking cool, you can't deny that. The tight jeans and leather vests... damn straight! Simple but cool.

  • April 19, 2002, 6:34 a.m. CST

    Oh, and remaking "The Ring"...

    by Mithril

    is such a stultifyingly terrible concept that I'm just numb. The original movie and even it's sequels were truly disturbing, and there's no way a remake (even if it's a good one, which it probably won't be) is going to be creepier. Good remakes and adaptations are possible, but if something is really great and you can't bring anything good to the concept, just leave well enough alone!

  • April 19, 2002, 7:10 a.m. CST

    Ryan Phillipe? ohno...

    by crazybastard

    first Michael Bay and now this? Stop. Just stop. Please. I can't take it anymore. Why are you doing this? (muffled sobs)

  • April 19, 2002, 7:30 a.m. CST

    KingKripton I think that you are wrong

    by avalontokio

    Akira fan boys in no way want the original AKIRA to be touched at all!! either Anime or Manga. Is not like Otomo came out with the Idea of making it into a Real action movie...and i can't read ANYWHERE that he is involved in it. I think that is impossible to remake Akira...how much would it cost? can you imagine?. Warriors...leave it alone to, is a classic, I love it...and if you are going to remake it with no guns...are they kidding? even 10 years have guns in the contemporary gangs...or are they going to break dance each other to death in the movie?..how neat...

  • April 19, 2002, 8:06 a.m. CST

    SCOTTISH Ewan McG already said an Alfie remake would be stupid,

    by Chilli Kramer

    Calling a Scotsman English is like calling a black man the N word. Maybe not quite as offensive, but close. Its a really really touchy subject. And McGregor has said in interview that he thought remaking Alfie was a stupid idea, he didn't know anything about it and he wouldn't do it anyway. Otter: Did Jon Peters get power in Hollywood by banging Streisand? Hell yeah. I'd be afraid of any guy who's done that. Fear brings power thru intimidation.

  • April 19, 2002, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Dear God...WHAT ARE THEY THINKING!?!

    by Jesus Q Einstein

    ...they to be the most depressing news items i have ever read. fuck.

  • April 19, 2002, 8:55 a.m. CST

    stock up on frozen snack treats, wine, pot and DVDs, lock the do

    by tommy5tone

    live-action stateside version of 'akira'? just say fuck it; you've got the special edition disc and nothing can take that away from you*****new millennium version of 'alfie'? who the fuck asked? you're right, mori, breaking the fourth wall was a kick back in the day but now everyone from frankie muniz on up is doin' it. if i had a gun to my head and had to remake the original, i'd get clive owen in. otherwise, rent the original and dig the caine charisma*****scorsese's 'chocolate factory' would be a blast, that's for sure, but if we really wanna get tim burton back on track, hand this one onto him...and warner bros better make sure its got a tough producer making sure timmy sticks to the script. another 'POTA' abortion and burton can go back to doodling circus freaks and watching his VHS copy of 'dr phibes'*****no burton for 'stepford wives', even though timmy would swear up and down that it's another tale of suburban alienation...which just happens to be his pet topic, right? and i dunno about rudnick doing the script either. you're on the ball again, mori - rudnick's a little too wisemouthed for his own good sometimes. if you wanted a neo-'stepford wives' with some real gusto, you'd get neil labute on the case*****'the warriors': now here's a remake i can get behind...maybe. the walter hill original is still the shit but i've got nothing against a new cast of PYTs kicking the crap outta one another to a soundtrack of dope jams. except we wouldn't get that. we wouldn't have james franco, vin diesel and eminem as the crazy fucker who screeches "warri-errrs, come out and PLAY-AY!" no, we'd get paul walker, ja rule and matthew lillard instead. the thing that gives me pause about this remake is scripters glenn and wright: check out the stax report on their screenplay 'red world'. it sounds like a derivative, nonsensical POS. okay, maybe avoid 'warriors 2002' as well; stay in with walter's original, a big glass of red wine and a fat spliff*****who'd hand over their cash for a big-screen 'honeymooners'? fuck that shit, man!*****and that ryan phillippe as leatherface thing was an april fool's day gag, mori...but come to think of it, marriage to greasy reese would probably lead me to drop my sanity and pick up THE SAW!!!*****in summary: no new 'akira', thnak you. no new 'alfie' either. burton does 'chocolate factory' (danny devito or christopher walken as willy wonka?). labute does 'stepford'. 'warriors 2002' needs to be rated R and have much profanity, fisticuffs, nudity and gunplay. and no 'honeymooners', for chrissake. i'm tommy five-tone and i think jon peters is a maverick genius whose brilliance won't be appreciated until after his death...so let's hurry that up, OK?

  • April 19, 2002, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Unless George Lucas directs (not saying I want him too)

    by L.B. Jefferies

    a live action Akira will cost at least $250 million. And that's the double truth, Ruth.

  • April 19, 2002, 9:11 a.m. CST

    My Jon Peters fantasy (No, not like that you freak...)

    by RenoNevada2000

    Someday, I hope to be on vacation in LA and see Jon Peters in a restaurant, at a store, where ever. At which point I will calmly walk up to him and state, "You suck. This is not an opinion, it is a scientific fact that I can prove with three pie charts and a graph. You are a ruiner of potentially good movies and you may just be the anti-Christ." Now, I imagine he'll go quite apeshit and full of his own bloated self-worth will begin screaming at me, stating that I'll never work in Hollywood and demanding my name, to which I'll answer "Joel Schmaucher."

  • April 19, 2002, 9:49 a.m. CST

    I didn't understand Akira until I saw it on DVD

    by BigW

    I saw Akira 5 times at the re-run theatre in Ottawa when I was in High School, and I just didn't get it. Then I got the DVD, and the english dub on that is SO much better than the original dub, that the movie finally made sense. I would love it if they re-released it on the big screen with the new dub, or with decent sub-titles. Yeah, I know some real Anime fan is gonna get upset and point out that the dub is still inaccurate, and that if you don't see the original you suck, but I don't speak Japanese, and my girlfriend would get real pissed if I learned it before I learn Swedish, so shut up.

  • April 19, 2002, 10:22 a.m. CST

    The curse of Jon Peters.

    by rabid_republican

    Can remember hearing about this project waaaay back when Lucas expressed interest in it. My experience with 'Akira' is roughly the same as many other anime fanatics, from whom it was a baptism of fire. Thus, I share Moriarty's beleagured and somewhat distraught amazement at how Jon Peters continues to get work on this film, no less. The idea of taking the Japanese out of Akira is to me, insulting. Personally, were I the producer (in my wildest fanboy dreams) I'd make Kurshiro Otomo more than the obligatory "consultant" on this film (which he's sure to be, although in Peters' hands, I wouldn't be surprised if Otomo ran away from this project and demand his name not be associated with it). Part of Akira's appeal is its complexity. There are symbolic messages layered through out it. I'm praying whoever writes the script is keeping this in mind and not what "hot, new, young, stars" will be in the vehicle.

  • April 19, 2002, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Kill me please.

    by Wino-Forever

    The point of Akira is that it's Japanese and animated. Those two qualities are the essence of the film. I can't imagine how out of touch you'd have to be not to pick up on this. What the fuck is wrong with Hollywood?

  • Well, I'll let it slide, but I'm making note of it. The Naked Jungle could be pretty cool. The original is one of my fav Heston flicks. The character is SO fucking Heston. But they didn't really do that much with the ant attack itself, which is something Raimi could really bring out. My problem would be that the main character, assuming they keep him true to the original, is pretty damn un-PC, and I don't think it would be nearly as cool if they PCed him up. Scorsese's Wonka? Yeah, I'll go. I mean, we think of Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, but the guy did a great job with Kundun, Afterhours, Alice don't live here no more and Last Temptation. No reason he couldn't do this.

  • April 19, 2002, 11:34 a.m. CST

    PLEASE DONT

    by gloU

    having an american director remaking Akira is pure nonsense. The message of this movie is too much tainted with far-eastern philosophy to be handled by an industry which just sees interest in making the biggest explosions and the fasted-paced action onscreen... akira is not an action-movie, nor a blockbuster movie, its mostly a reflection about A-bomb ( akira blasting half of tokyo someone ?) and death. I cried when I learned that such a remake would be made, and I cried even more when Norrington said he would slightly adapt the pitch for the american audience... what about an american kaneda in Neo-NY ? *pukes* lets just hope he will handle correctly the moto races; Im less optimistic regarding the real substance of the original... ( sorry for my limited english, this post would have been much more complete in my native language )

  • April 19, 2002, 12:34 p.m. CST

    I Have Seen THE WARRIORS About 3000 Times. Here's The Guns I

    by Buzz Maverik

    The one Luther of the Rogues used to kill Cyrus, leader of the Gramercy Riffs (who was NOT A FUCKING PEACEMAKER! HE ONLY WANTED PEACE AMONG THE GANGS SO HE COULD TURN THEM INTO AN ARMY OF THE NIGHT AND TAKE OVER NEW YORK!). Then one of the Lezzies fired on Rembrandt and two other Warriors. Finally, at the end, Luther pulls a gun on Swan and Swan disarms him by flicking a switchblade into Luther's wrist and this scene cannot be eliminated because it was one of the coolest, coldest most badass scenes. I'll never forget the first time I saw it, I was completely caught up in the movie and I thought "Damn, that Swan didn't even flinch when Luther stuck a gun in his chest!" Besides, no way would a punk like Luther go up against a guy like Swan without a gun. Even packing, he still got his ass kicked.

  • April 19, 2002, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Besides, Moriarity, It's Not A WARRIORS Remake, It's A S

    by Buzz Maverik

    Kevin Costner, Wesley Snipes and Kurt Russell have long been attached as three members of the baseball themed gang who got their asses kicked in the park by Ajax, Cochise and Swan. I've read the screenplay. It opens seconds after the battle. A mad scientist drags off three of the Furies for some illegal cyrogenics experiments. The three boppers remain frozen, but the process is imperfect so they age into middle aged men, kept buff through a kick ass physical therapy regime. The scientist dies through auto-erotic asphixiation and later something goes wrong with the freezing chambers and the Furies wake up, retaining the minds of 18 year old gang memembers. They set out to reclaim their old turf, almost a quarter of a century later.

  • April 19, 2002, 12:42 p.m. CST

    What The Hell Is A "Gang Memember"?

    by Buzz Maverik

    On second thought, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

  • April 19, 2002, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Glass Elevators and Stepford Wives

    by kartaron

    You definately are right that the glass elevator is the best of the two... ive always wondered why this hasnt been made.... and I dont agree with your take on Stepford wives.. less about pacifism than control and the immorality of secret society types... Anyway, didn't he make the movie about being pressured to be normal? Scissorhands... oh yeah Beatlejuice has that theme... and Batman 2.... Ed Wood... his creepy dark humor doesnt lend itself to this.

  • April 19, 2002, 1:45 p.m. CST

    jaimefilm

    by Anton_Sirius

    Go to the 'Movies' section and wait for the inset picture window to go all funny (I had to scroll all the way to the right- don't know if that mattered or not), then click on it. It won't make any sense whatsoever unless you've seen the originals.

  • April 19, 2002, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Ring and Akira

    by Jack Burton

    First off, Akira is dead in the water. With Jon Peters producing it they might as well not even make it. If he couldn't understand the concept for Sandman how in the hell is he going to get Akira? I have this horrible feeling that the final sequence will feature Freddie Prinze jr and Matthew Lillard fighting a giant spider. (I'm only half joking.) As for not releasing foreign films that are being remade: fuck you dreamworks. Get an original fucking idea. What kind of hubris does it take to view a film, and then instead of wanting to share it (by perhaps picking up US distribution rights) you think it would be best to remake it and bar anyone from seeing what inspired you to copy it in the first place. I've wanted to see "Ring" for years and am more then a little pissed that I'm going to have to settle for a watered down version for now and possibly always. Moriarty is dead on. Remake all you want, but don't bar us from seeing the original. There should be a law.

  • April 19, 2002, 2:51 p.m. CST

    So...in the new Scorcese-directed Wonka movie...

    by Sod Off Baldric

    ...the little orange guys will be called "Goombah Loompas" and the chocolate factory will actually be a front for a drug-running operation. Also; the idea of a live-action Akira remake is STILL and ALWAYS WILL BE fucking clown shoes.

  • April 19, 2002, 3:43 p.m. CST

    by Dragonfire Films

    now someone please tell me that dimension films has secured the rights to do an odd couple remake with Freddie prinze and Matthew Lillard so i can go ahead and shoot myself!

  • April 19, 2002, 3:53 p.m. CST

    putting a mini screen play in a talkback is not funny

    by BurlIvesLeftNut

    Anyone else tired of scrolling through the talk backs and finding some lame geeks attempt at humor that is designed to resemble a 'clever' and 'witty' scene from a movie??? I should just skip them, I know, but its fascinating in a 'Faces of Death' kind of way.

  • April 19, 2002, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Au contraire BurlIvesLeftNut, mini screenplays are funny....

    by Chilli Kramer

    Especially as written by Buzz M Maverik esquire. If you don't like them, what are you doing here? Thats the only reason 50% of talkbackers use the site: The shining example of Buzz. I for one would love to see 'The Baseball Furies'. It'd beat a remake, but only if it was Buzz's project. Not some plagiarist's (not meaning people would ever CONSIDER doing that)....

  • April 19, 2002, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Bizarre!!!! But count me in!!!

    by EliCash

    That Scorsese Wonka rumor left me wide-eyed and goofy-grinned. I hope it happens...wow it would be so...uh....unusual.

  • April 19, 2002, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Pesci as Wonka: "Have some fuckin' chocalate, kid"

    by El Backo

    I hope to god Scorsese doesn't do this. It's like Coppola wanting to do Pinocchio. Do another gangster movie, for christ's sake!

  • April 19, 2002, 7:03 p.m. CST

    INT. A HOME OFFICE -- NIGHT

    by Buzz Maverik

    JOE TALKBACKER sits down at his computer and brings up AICN. JOE:"Think I'll check out the talkbacks...Hmmm. This guy like LORD OF THE RINGS better than STAR WARS. Interesting. Ah, this guy would like to have sex with Tara Reid and Shannen Elizabeth. Wouldn't we all, pal, wouldn't we all. This guy thinks Freddie Prinze Jr.s movies suck. Never heard that before. Hey! A mini-screenplay. Omigawd! This is fuckin' funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" After Joe finishes laughing, he wipes the tears from his eyes and returns to the talkbacks. JOE:"Hey, here's something from BurlIvesLeftNut. Hmmm. Sounds like someone is having one of those heavy flow days." FADE OUT.

  • April 19, 2002, 10:36 p.m. CST

    Burton & J.Vasquez/Oberson & his English countrymen

    by phasmatrope

    Has anyone heard anything about Tim Burton's plans to work with JTHM/Invader Zim creator Jonen Vasquez? That would be interesting; a merging of the minds.... the younger guy reinvigorating the older one. And Oberson, what's this thing about Ewan Macgregor being Scottish? Aren't all people from the United Kingdom the same? All friends and fellow countrymen living together in equal-class harmony eating fish and chips. Movies like "Braveheart" and "In The Name Of The Father" and "Rob Roy" are all creations of fiction, after all. (Ha ha!)

  • April 20, 2002, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Drugs ruined gangs

    by darth_testine

    Those wistful carefree young lads and their ne'er-do-well ways. Ah the good old days.

  • April 20, 2002, 4:13 a.m. CST

    Settle Down Wanna Be Filmakers!!!!

    by tlp1974

    Being an avid reader of this tremendous website, I find myself more informed about film, I also find myself dumber for having read the idiotic talk backs written by a bunch of nothings. Now don't get me wrong, everybody has the right to state their opinion, but when one does not know what the hell he or she is talking about, they might want to zip the shit taster and call it quits for the night, get off the dam computer, which is probably affixed to you brain, being as you never ever leave your mother's basement and you are probably holding onto a beer belly with cheetos stuck to your face and coming up on your 35th birthday. GET A DAM GRIP, and if you can do such a better job than the professionals, then get off your ass and prove it instead of just running your mouth about it. I'm in no way saying that i am great, or that i can do a better job, but at least i don't whine and bitch all the fucking time, and then go and watch my entire collection of Star Trek episodes in order from pilot to the season finale. Once again I'm not dissing Star Trek either, but I'm just tired of all the ranting.

  • April 20, 2002, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Italian Job.....gone but not forgotten

    by DrKodos

    Nobody seems to remember this gem? A remake would be nice, if only to see it again, as the original is not available on DVD and it is impossible to find on VHS.

  • April 20, 2002, 7:59 p.m. CST

    aaaAAARRRGH!!

    by jooser

    Italian Job AND Alfie being desecrated1?! ITS TOO MUCH!! Hasn't anyone learnt from that fucking diabolical shambles that was Sly's Get Carter? He tainted the original for me and now some Hollywood shmucks want to do the same with more Caine classics...Avoid at all costs methinks.

  • April 20, 2002, 8:03 p.m. CST

    Chocolate Factory

    by jooser

    I heard Marilyn Manson wants to be Willy Wonka - any ideas as to casting yet...?

  • April 20, 2002, 8:13 p.m. CST

    AKIRA: Actors MUST be Japanese

    by TheYoungLion

    It would just be so wrong to make AKIRA as a live-action film and use anything other than a cast of Japanese actors -- or at least, actors of Asian descent. Yeah, it might make better box office sense to cast the hottest young caucasian actors, but spiritually it would be a huge slap in the face to the source material and the culture that created it. But it would be typical of Hollywood to do so. Coincidentally, I`m writing this message from Japan (I return to Los Angeles today). Over the course of my week here I`ve had conversations with a lot of people concerning anime -- usually centering around Miyazaki, but AKIRA always comes up. It is such a huge cultural marker in contemporary Japanese pop culture -- pretty much all Japanese from childhood to those in their mid-40`s have been affected in some way by it. I don`t know the rights situation, and exactly how much leeway Hollywood has to tinker with it, but I just can`t imagine the Japanese silently sitting back and letting Hollywood make the film with mostly white actors. That would result in an awful lot of hostility against Hollywood and American culture. You just don`t mess with a country`s iconic figures like that.

  • April 21, 2002, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Actually is does sound like Burton

    by coop

    Tim Burton has always had an interest in doing stories where the misfits in society are trying to make their way in "normal" society. While Planet of the Apes is somewhat of an exception (it was dropped in his lap at the last minute so he didn't choose it, they payed him a buttload of cash to do it for the studio) the rest of his films follow this format. It's sounds to me that Stepford Wives fits this category. The main female character is forced to conform to what is expected. It may not be what we dream of seeing Burton do but it does make a sort of sense.

  • April 21, 2002, 9:35 p.m. CST

    CAN'T remake THE WARRIORS!

    by NJM

    It's such a great action film. No big explosions, just kick-ass gang fights. Plus, the whole damn STORY revolves around Cyrus getting SHOTDOWN by a GUN! Now, granted there wasn't much use of guns in the film, but still, you can't have New York gangs without guns! I watch LAW & ORDER, they're always finding people gunned down by gangs and such. Anyway, it seems as though they want to make THE WARRIORS into some sub-par American Kung-Fu action movie, and it will SUCK! Besides, Michael Beck is just pure BAD ASS in as Swan! Also, James Remar as Ajax: "I think you're all going faggot on me!" (cracks me up everytime). I mean, every person & every performance is just so unique to the characters that I just can't see this thing being turned into a Kung Fu actioner. Plus, if MTV is involved, you're going to get every hot rapper on the damn soundtrack and completely muck it up all-around! Then, they'll have like six rappers doing some eight minute remake of "In The City", and not understand a damn word they're saying. Like most remakes, it doesn't need to be made. The original is a classic action film, and I loved because it's just kick-ass street fighting. The Baseball Furies, the Turnball A.C.'s, the Rogues, the Gramercy Riffs, the Orphans, and more! It doesn't require an update because the original fits so well into its time period. Also, on the subject of Tim Burton. I think the remake phase he's in is wearing thin. SLEEPY HOLLOW was good, APES wasn't great, and I just don't know about anything else. Remakes are interesting, sometimes, but more times than not, they turn out like the disaster that was ROLLERBALL (I was fortunate enough not to have ANY interest in the thing at all). Remakes can be a fearful thing, and for good reason. We've seen three of them already this year: THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO (great film), THE TIME MACHINE (pretty good), & the aforementioned disaster of a film. Also, on the whole AKIRA thing. Unless they pull some BLADE RUNNER style visuals, directing, & quality actors, then it will probably crash n' burn! -NJM

  • April 22, 2002, 10:37 p.m. CST

    RougeScribner - "Cabin Boy" was a misstep? Not as big a fucki

    by Elgyn6655321

    "Cabin Boy" rules.