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Elston Gunn's WEEKLY RECAP

Father Geek here once again with Elston's morning coffee break review of all the Tinseltown news you may have missed during the past work week, soooo refill that mug of Java, grab another of your fave breakfast treats, sit back and dig into the week that was out in Hollywoodland with AICN's...




* Jamie Kennedy will star in a feature based on one of his characters from his show ("JKX: The Jamie Kennedy Experiment"). SUCKAZ will feature Kennedy's character, wannabe rapper Brad Gluckman, and will be directed by Fax Bahr and Adam Small for Warner Bros. Production begins mid-June. Nick Swardstrom will play Gluckman's sidekick Mocha.

* Brad Pitt and Wolfgang Petersen may star and direct, respectively, in Warner Bros.' epic feature THE TROJAN WAR. David Benioff wrote the script based on Homer's THE ILIAD. Pitt may play the role of Achilles.

* Gabriel Mann (HIGH ART) will join Liam Neeson and Billy Crawford in John Frankenheimer's untitled prequel to THE EXORCIST for Morgan Creek Prods. Shooting begins in the spring in the United Kingdom and Spain. Author Caleb Carr (THE ALIENIST) rewrote the script, based on an original screenplay by William Wisher.

* Javier Bardem is attached to star in the drama NIKE: A ROMANCE, based on the novel by Nicholas Flokos, for Landscape Pictures. It's about a villager who tries restore his island's pride by stealing the statue of the goddess Nike from the Louvre and returning it to the island. When he goes to Paris, however, he must choose between his love for the statue and the love he develops for the museum guard who watches over it.

* Susan Sarandon, Leelee Sobieski, Robin Tunney, Donald Sutherland, David Straithairn and Rory Cochrane will star in the ensemble indie pic A WHALE IN MONTANA for director George Hickenlooper. Production begins April 29. Written by Paul Donohoe, the project is about a widowed doctor with a 7-year-old daughter working in a small town. The doctor must come to terms with her past, present and future when her child's best friend, a 7-year-old boy from an abusive family, begins having visions of her dead husband.

* Christina Ricci is in talks to star in Neil Jordan's BORGIA after she finishes Woody Allen's untitled film. She'll play Lucretia Borgia, the illegitimate daughter of Roderigo.

* Jimmy Fallon joins Jason Biggs, Christina Ricci, Glenn Close and Danny DeVito in Woody Allen's untitled project, which will shoot in the spring.

* Nicolas Cage is in negotiations with director John Woo about starring with Chow Yun-Fat in MEN OF DESTINY, an epic look at the 19th-century construction of America's railroads. Cage would play an Irish immigrant who at first clashes and then bonds with his Chinese co-worker when they find common ground in the immigrant struggle for the American dream.

* James Gandolfini, Will Smith, Angelina Jolie, Renee Zellweger and Martin Scorsese will lend their voices to SHARKSLAYER, a DreamWorks CGI-animated project. Eric "Bibo" Bergeron (THE ROAD TO EL DORADO) and Vicky Jenson (SHREK) will direct the pic about how the undersea underworld is shaken up when the son of a mobster sharks gets killed and a young fish named Oscar is found at the scene of the crime.

* Swoosie Kurtz join Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore in THE DUPLEX for Miramax and director Danny DeVito.

* Eugene Levy and Jean Smart join Steve Martin and Queen Latifah in the comedy IN THE HOUZE for Disney and director Adam Shenkman. Jason Filardi wrote the script about a guy who gets into an online relationship with a woman in jail.

* Thomas Jane will star in STANDER, based on the true story of a police detective-turned-bank robber, for director Bronwen Hughes and Seven Arts Pictures. Production begins in late June. It's about a white police officer in Johannesburg who in the early 1980s suffered a crisis of conscience because of his involvement in apartheid and became a notorious bank robber on the run.

* Cuba Gooding Jr. is in talks to star in RADIO, written by Mike Rich (THE ROOKIE) for Revolution Studios and director Mike Tollin. The project, based on a 1996 Sports Illustrated article by Gary Smith, centers on the relationship between a white football coach and a mentally challenged black man. Production begins this fall. Gooding is also expected to star in SNOW DOGS 2 after he finishes RADIO.

* Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey and Gary Oldman are in talks to join Patricia Arquette in the indie pic TIPTOES for writer/director Matthew Bright. Shooting begins this month in L.A. It's about a pregnant woman whose boyfriend doesn't want her to have the baby. When she insists, she finds that he comes from a long line of little people, including his twin brother Rolfe, with whom she falls in love.

* Duane Martin (SCREAM 2) will star opposite Vivica A. Fox in the comedy/thriller RIDE OR DIE, which he co-wrote with Jay Wolcott. Craig Ross Jr. will direct. It's about a private detective searching for answers to the death of his best friend. Meagan Good, Jadakiss and Michael "Bear" Taliferro will also star.

* Robin Wright Penn will star alongside Robert Downey Jr. in THE SINGING DETECTIVE. Keith Gordon will direct the pic from a screenplay by Dennis Potter. Mel Gibson, who is producing the film with his Icon Productions partner Bruce Davey, will play Downey's psychiatrist.

* Joe Pantoliano joins the cast of DAREDEVIL for director Mark Steven Johnson. Pantoliano will play a reporter who is hot on the trail of Daredevil. Ben Affleck, Jon Favreau, Jennifer Garner and Michael Clarke Duncan star.

* Sigourney Weaver and Anthony LaPaglia will co-star in a feature film adaptation of THE GUYS, a one-act play by Anne Nelson commissioned and staged by lower Manhattan's Flea Theater in response to the Sept. 11 attacks. It focuses on the true story of a fire captain who lost eight men on Sept. 11 and the editor who helps him put together the eulogies. Weaver's husband, Jim Simpson, directed the play and will helm the film for ContentFilm and Open City Films. Shooting begins this month in New York.

* Ryan Reynolds will star in the romantic comedy THE ROMFORD MATADOR for writer/director Piers Ashworth (GIRL). It's about a Montana cowboy who lives in London with his grandparents. When they win a trip to Spain, he meets the girl of his dreams and must save a bull to win her heart.

* Kurt Russell is in talks to star in the thriller PAPARAZZI for Icon Prods. and 20th Century Fox. Paul Abascal will direct from a script by Forest Smith. It's about a movie star who seeks revenge after his wife and son are injured in an accident caused by a group of paparazzi.

* Sophia Bush (NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VAN WILDER) joins the cast of T3: RISE OF THE MACHINES for C-2 Pictures/Intermedia and director Jonathan Mostow. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl and Kristanna Loken star.

* Laura Elena Harring (MULHOLLAND DRIVE) will star opposite Crispin Glover in New Line's WILLARD, a remake of the 1971 horror pic, for director Glen Morgan. It's about a guy whose only friends are his pet rats. When of them gets killed, the guy goes on a rampage with the aid of his pets. Morgan wrote the remake with James Wong.

* John Malkovich, Natalie Imbruglia will star opposite Rowan Atkinson in the spy spoof JOHNNY ENGLISH for Universal Pictures and Working Title Films. Peter Howitt (SLIDING DOORS) will direct the pic about a bumbling British secret agent up against an evil French business magnate. Ben Miller (THE PAROLE OFFICER) will also star in the pic written by Neal Purvis and Robert Wade (THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH) and William Davies. Production begins April 15.

* Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst and director Sam Raimi will return for a sequel to SPIDER-MAN for Columbia Pictures and producers Laura Ziskin, Avi Arad and Ian Bryce. Miles Millar and Alfred Gough (SHANGHAI NOON, "Smallville" exec. producers) will write the script. Shooting is expected to begin during the first-quarter 2003.


* Jean-Jacques Beineix (BETTY BLUE) will direct I WAS AMELIA EARHART, based on the 1996 novel by Jane Mendelsohn, for Fine Line Features. The project mixes history and fiction chronicles the exploits of Earhart leading up to her final ill-fated attempt to fly around the world, and then veers into a fictional flight pattern, inventing a romance between Earhart and her co-pilot when they land on a deserted island.

* Fox 2000 has bought the romantic comedy script LIFE AS WE KNOW IT, written by Ian Deitchman and Kristin Rusk Robinson, about two unattached adults forced to become instant parents when their best friends die after naming the two singles as caregivers for their orphaned daughter.

* New Regency Entertainment has picked up the pitch GIVE IT UP from Dana Schmalenberg for MBST Entertainment to produce. The story is set at a rock 'n' roll summer camp for girls, where two quarreling lead singers make a bet in which the last to lose her virginity must drop out of a competition for a recording contract.

* Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott (SHREK) will rewrite THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN for Disney and producer Jerry Bruckheimer.

* Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer Films have purchased an untitled pitch from writer Ross Canter about the fictionalized adventures of a teenage Thomas Edison who teams up with Wild Bill Hickok and their efforts to save the Union during the Civil War.

* Dimension Films has nabbed the family action-comedy script THE SPY NEXT DOOR from writer Joe Ballarini. It's about a dysfunctional family man who finds out his next-door neighbor is an international spy. The two team up to save the world and the suburbs.

* Jonathan Lynn is in talks to direct Cuba Gooding Jr. in Paramount Pictures/MTV Films' THE FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS.

* DreamWorks Pictures and Signpost Films grabbed writer/director Vadim Perelman's adaptation of Andre Dubus III's best-selling novel HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG. Jennifer Connelly and Ben Kingsley are attached to star.

* Kirk Wong will direct Wesley Snipes in WHEN THE RIDE IS RUFF for Creative Union Entertainment about a member of a motorcycle group called the Ruff Ryders who is framed for murdering the head of the Biker Council. Shooting begins in June in Wilmington, Del., and New York.

* Dominic Sena (SWORDFISH) will direct an adaptation of Jim Thompson's (THE GETAWAY, THE GRIFTERS) THE KILLER INSIDE ME for producer Chris Hanley. Andrew Dominik (CHOPPER) and Robert Weinbach have written a script. It's about a sheriff's deputy who hides a psychotic streak. Burt Kennedy directed Stacy Keach and Susan Tyrell in a 1976 adaptation of the book.

* David Nutter ("X-Files," DISTURBING BEHAVIOR) will direct the ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN remake for Disney. to direct its remake of the 1975 movie "Escape to Witch Mountain. The project, about two teens with telekinetic powers, is based on the novel by Alexander Key.

* Kelsey Grammer's Gramnet Prods. has optioned playwright Chad Beguelin's comedy pitch FRANKENTEACHER about two high schoolers who try to bring back their deceased science teacher, but end up having to fight ubiquitous zombies.

* Joseph Kahn is in talks to direct the motorcycle racing action pic TORQUE for Warner Bros. and Original Films.

* Kevin Kerslake is in final talks to direct the skateboarding movie PAVEMENT starring extreme sports team DC Shoes. Shooting begins mid-April.

* Music video helmer Len Wiseman will direct the action/horror film UNDERWORLD for Screen Gems and Lakeshore Entertainment. It's a modern-day tale of forbidden love set against an ancient war between vampires and werewolves. Wiseman wrote the script with Danny McBride.

* Paramount Pictures and producer Scott Rudin have purchased the rights to Richard Price's (CLOCKERS) upcoming novel ALMS TO MEN. Price will adapt the story about a TV writer who returns home and tries to use his wealth to help out the people he grew up with. The author will also pen for the producer an urban ghost story about psychics who work with police.

* Tony Gilroy (PROOF OF LIFE, upcoming THE BOURNE IDENTITY) will write an corporate espionage thriller for producer Laura Bickford and Universal Pictures as a directing vehicle for Steven Soderbergh.

* Philip Kaufman will direct Ashley Judd in BLACKOUT for Paramount Pictures and Intertainment AG. Production begins July 8. Sarah Thorp wrote the script about a female police officer investigating a murder who finds herself at the center of the investigation when her past lovers end up dead.

* DreamWorks Pictures and Artists Production Group are developing David Ambrose's novel THE DISCRETE CHARM OF CHARLIE MONK, with Peter Buchman adapting. The book follows a government superspy who becomes a subject of a virtual reality experiment that slowly reveals the truth about his unclear past.

* Tina Fey ("Saturday Night Live" head writer) will adapt Margaret Talbot's Feb. 24 New York Times Magazine article, "Girls Just Want to Be Mean," as a feature comedy for producer Lorne Michaels. The article looks at the teen phenomenon of girl-to-girl cruelty, which can take the form of jibes, vicious e-mails and malicious gossip. It focused on the nonprofit Empower Program, which helps to get girls to treat one another more kindly.

* Fox 2000 has optioned Carl Hiaasen's BASKET CASE for Michael Tolkin (THE PLAYER, CHANGING LANES) to adapt. It's about a former investigative reporter who is banished to the obit desk of a Florida newspaper and happens upon the suspicious death of an aging rock star in the Bahamas.


* Miramax Films is pushing ahead with several kids films, which it dubs "the Teddy Projects." Some of these projects include: the Anthongy Minghella-produced THE FIREWORK-MAKER'S DAUGHTER, based on the novel by Philip Pullman; ELLA ENCHANTED with Tommy O'Haver directing Anne Hathaway; SLUGGER with Kevin James in talks to star; PINOCCHIO co-written and directed by Roberto Beinigni, who also stars; an adaptation of Eoin Colfer's ARTEMIS FOWL; the animated pic THE MAGIC BRUSH; CGI-effects project A CRICKET IN TIMES SQUARE; and NEVERLAND, starring Johnny Depp for director Marc Forster.

* Dean Devlin's Electric Entertainment will produce the action project THE CARRIER for Paramount Pictures. It's about a heist aboard a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, where thieves try to steal $30 million from the ship and get it to shore. John Rogers and David John McCarthey wrote the script. Shooting is expected to begin this summer.

* Preproduction on 20th Century Fox/Davis Entertainment's FAT ALBERT has been temporarily halted due to conflict of visions between Bill Cosby, who penned the screenplay with Charles Kipps, and director Forest Whitaker.


(NOT from the trades)

* Check out This Cool Site, a FREE on-line service to access and post your demo reels, resumes, headshots, contact information and jobs.

* For lots of info about Ramzi Abed's surrealist horror pic THE TUNNEL, starring Lloyd Kaufman and Mark Borchardt, go to Click Here and then go to There's More Here

* Order a copy of MONKEY MAN UNLEASHED, featuring characters from the upcoming ANGRY NAKED PAT: THE MOVIE at Just Click Here. For lots more about the Angry Naked Pat universe, visit Their Site

Until next week... Happy Daylight Savings.

Elston Gunn

Readers Talkback
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  • April 8, 2002, 1:06 p.m. CST

    What the hell?

    by Chilli Kramer

    Brad Pitt as Achilles? "The 1st rule of Greek Club is beware any gifts you are given. 2nd rule of Greek Club is BEWARE ALL GIFTS YOU ARE GIVEN. 3rd rule of Greek Club is stay away from my fuckin' heel, especially the Achilles Tendon, or the fight is OVER. 4th rule of Greek Club, only two guys to a fight, loser is killed and dragged round the city. 5th rule of Greek Club, as many fights at a time as is humanly (or demigodly) possible. 6th rule of Greek Club, no arrows if no sandals please. 7th rule of Greek Club, fights will go on for ten years, and some of you will be just as long going home. 8th and final rule of Greek Club, if this is your first fight with Greek club, expect shit when you get home, like your son killing you then fucking his mother." Wolfgang Petersen is not my choice for this. And why "The Trojan War". Call it "The Iliad", its been fine like that for 3000 years. Ideally the Coen Brothers would do this as a prequel to O Brother...

  • April 8, 2002, 1:12 p.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    They should combine "Frankenteacher" with "Frankenhooker" and call it "Milk Money 2"! And Crispin Glover has got to be the weirdest man in Hollywood. I'm all over a film that involves him killing people with rats. sk

  • April 8, 2002, 1:27 p.m. CST

    a suggestion to mr. gunn and

    by joeypogi

    ey guys, i love reading the elston gunn report. one suggestion though, could you also capitalize the director's names and the actor and actresses' name. it would make reading it a lot easier. thanks!

  • April 8, 2002, 1:43 p.m. CST

    what was left out of the recap

    by durhay

    HOLY SCHNIKE - A man plans to steal a statue of the goddess Nike and return it to it's rightful place at his brake pad manufacturing plant. Guy Pearce joins JOHNNY ENGLISHLY as a bumbling 'manorexic' (someone else's clever term, not mine). Jimmy Fallon tickles the ivories and the funnybone in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VAN CLIBURN. MY SKANKY SUMMER - two girls at Virgin Records Rock 'n Roll Summer Camp(tm) battle each to win a contract based on who loses their virginity first. Complications arise when one falls on a fence post.

  • April 8, 2002, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Joe Pantoliano joins the cast of DAREDEVIL !

    by Devilish-D

    with Pantoliano in the movie, its can't suck, its impossible.

  • April 8, 2002, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Tina Fey

    by Amroyo

    Wow. Great to hear the first FEMALE head writer of SNL is being noticed. Have no idea what the article she is adapting is about...but taking into account her amazing abilities with humor on SNL (and in real life, if I may so humbly add)this is sure to be verra funny. <<side note: why does the entertainment community take their role in life post-9/11 so damn seriously. IT&#39;S NOT ABOUT YOU!!>>

  • April 8, 2002, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Buzz Maverik&#39;s Weekly Recap.

    by Buzz Maverik

    TAKEN FROM BRIAN WEBSTER&#39;S SCREENPLAY "COULD THIS BE CHRISTMAS?" BY FOX STORY ANALYST RANDY KORNFIELD WHO THEN PUT HIS OWN NAME ON IT & SOLD IT AS "JINGLE ALL THE WAY"...Kevin Costner will play Clint Eastwood&#39;s old Philo Beddoe role in the upcoming WHICHEVER WAY YOU WANT. With Costner as the bare-knuckle brawler, Lyle Lovett was set to play sidekick Orville Boggs until Calvin Klein&#39;s bull trampled him. Dwight (PANIC ROOM) Yoakum will take over the role. Dame Maggie Smith will step in for the late Ruth Gordon as Ma. A search is going on for an unknown to play Clyde, as the original Clyde was beaten to death by his trainer...A lot of court action to stop productions. Sean "Puffy" Combs has suits to stop P. DIDDLEY, a 50s music pic about a guitar player with his own signature rhythm who sings his own name a lot in his songs, as well as Miramax&#39;s THE PUFFER about a guy who gets a job keeping porno stars excited between takes. "We all know that these people are called fluffers anyway," Combs told Buzz Maverik&#39;s Weekly Recap, "and there&#39;s already a damned fine film currently out called THE FLUFFER." Combs futher stated that he was having his lawyers look into the screenplay DOO WAH DIDDY, and was in talks with Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman to file a suit against the producers of DIDDLING J-LO. In related news, Quentin Tarantino and Will Smith have filed a motion to stop D.J. Jazzy Jeff&#39;s big screen starring debut in KILL WILL. "That&#39;s too similar to the title of my upcoming film GLORIOUS BASTARDS," Tarantino said. "Plus it calls for violence against my man Will Smith." Spokespersons for Smith said that the former Fresh Prince was looking to kick Jazz&#39; ass now that he&#39;d learned to box for ALI. "When they were growing up, Jeff could always kick Will&#39;s butt. Now, the tables would be turned." Spokespersons for the production said that a new title, ENEMY OF THE SMITH was being considered...Talk about your formula films. Topher Grace of THAT 70s SHOW will play a rookie F.B.I. agent who, searching for a peeping tom ring, infiltrates a gang of hot air balloon enthusiasts. He will form a friendship/homoerotic subtext with the gang&#39;s leader, played by Ethan Hawke, while having a sexual relationship with a waitress on the fringe of the gang (Natasha Lyonne). After suspecting a rival gang of balloonists, Grace&#39;s character will capture his hero but let him go in the end. HOT AIR is being produced by Rip Off Films and is said to bear no resemblence to either POINT BREAK or THE FAST & THE FURIOUS... Brian De Palma returns to what he does best -- comedy-- with MOB MENTALITY. John Travolta will play a Mafia capo who is grazed by a bullet and developes psychic powers which he uses against his fellow Mafiosos and the cops alike. The film stars Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone, Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta, Ray Ramano, James Gandolfini and Joe Piscopo. (Side note: while I personally think this is a stupid idea for a movie, it is close enough to a real movie that the producer type talkbackers warn me against posting. So if Michael France, Randy Kornfield, Steve Carr or any plagarists are reading this please remember that I have been diagnosed as a psychopath and that my brother Sue Maverik is the sleaziest and meanest lawyer in California)... Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner will be producing STAR TREATMENT, starring Cruise and Christian Bale. "Somebody showed me the part in the novel AMERICAN SICKO, or whatever it&#39;s called, where the character Patrick Bateman meets me in the elevator of his apartment building,"Cruise said. "We thought this would be a good idea for a movie." The scenario concerns movie star Ned Glyde who moves into a building where a serial killer named Kevin Chumly lives. Even though the killer likes the stars&#39; worst movies, he kills everyone else in the building, knocks out the phone lines, figures out a way to jam cell and digital phones, then hunts the star. "We changed it around so we wouldn&#39;t have to pay Brett Easton Ellis anything," Wagner said,"but with Christian Bale as Chumly, you can pretty much guess what this is supposed to be."...See you at the class reunion...

  • April 8, 2002, 2:41 p.m. CST

    oh, jesus....

    by Brother Putney

    Dominic Sena&#39;s going to be doing an adaptation of "The Killer Inside Me," huh? Sounds awesome! He can inject into the work of Jim Thompson some of the subtlety and nuance he brought to "Swordfish," which managed to take a Halle Berry nude scene and stage it in the most retarded, ham-fisted way imaginable. Why don&#39;t I just go drink out of a toilet? C&#39;mon, who else was on the list? Where&#39;s Allison MacLean, the Polish Brothers, that creepy guy that did "Habit," or even John Dahl for God Sake.

  • April 8, 2002, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Paparazzi . . . oh god

    by Pvt. Duke

    All one has to do is read the premise to know that this will be a blatantly one-sided and manipulative piece of Hollywood propoganda. I can&#39;t wait to see how evil the head paparazzo&#39;s gonna be. They&#39;ll probably cast Christopher Walken, and give him a huge scar or a glass eye or something: "I only need ONE eye to ruin a celebrity life, and ONE eye with which to count all the money it makes me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" It&#39;ll probably have cameos by Ah-Nuld, Maria Schriver and that Trevor Rees-Jones guy, and close the picture with a still shot of princess Diana with a bunch of malnourished third-world children -- "How many lives have to be ruined, before this madness stops." hah It&#39;ll be like the John Q of paparazzi flicks.

  • April 8, 2002, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Am I the only one...

    by LeeScoresby

    Who is MONUMENTALLY tired of seeing shows/films/songs/pottery/etc. depicting lame white guys trying to be cool black guys?

  • April 8, 2002, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Sleazy Is Right! I Quote WHEN HARRY MET SALLY...

    by Buzz Maverik

    "ooooo! OOOOO! OOOgod! Yes! Yes! Yes!"--Wait. Wrong scene. Okay. SALLY:"So you&#39;re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he doesn&#39;t find attractive?" HARRY:"No. You pretty much want to nail them too."

  • April 8, 2002, 4:51 p.m. CST

    lots of crap this week

    by AlecBings

    a woody film with Jason Biggs and Jimmy Fallon? ugh. a brad pitt/wolfgang petersen Trojan War? boring; brad, find something else to do, you have your pick of everything in hollywood. and steve martin opposite queen latifah? that&#39;s just unsettling.

  • April 8, 2002, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Tina Fey: Not The Best Writer.

    by BEARison Ford

    i have no idea how the shit goes down at SNL, but if as Head Writer, Tina Fey calls the shots as to what skits get in each week&#39;s show, she gets a fucking F-. Has anybody noticed that not only every new episode is simply rehashing every skit they&#39;ve had before, but they&#39;re doing them TERRIBLY? I&#39;ve never liked the music teachers bit that Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer did, but they&#39;ve really taken it to new levels of mediocrity. It also doesn&#39;t help that Tina is doing what appears to be a poor mans version of Dennis Miller every week on Update with her pseudo-rants where she says "right" and "&#39;kay" a lot while she fumbles over her lines, oh excuse me... I didn&#39;t know that running around like an idiot going "OH, SNAP" was supposed to be funny... OH THAT&#39;S RIGHT... it&#39;s not. wasn&#39;t the first time, and it never will be. Erm.. yeah anyway, sorry about that. Just had to let the shit out.

  • April 8, 2002, 5 p.m. CST

    Young Tom Edison Stupidity

    by Knockers

    Oh great another youth saves the universe stupidity. Like those 16 year old VMI cadets who stood before the Union calvary. They were slaughtered by real soldiers thank you very much. I blame Speilberg for this level of fairy-tail stupidity(Young Sherlock, Young Indie, Goonies, Empire of the Stoopid Sun etc).

  • April 8, 2002, 5:15 p.m. CST

    how many spy films are in the works?

    by DEVIL

    I always send my friends highlights from this list and they never believe the upcoming crap. a personal fav was "shorty", the movie about a rapping midget alien starring master p and li&#39;l romeo. you can&#39;t make this stuff up, folks. well, you can (and get well paid for it), but you must first relinquish your EVERLASTING SOUL.

  • April 8, 2002, 6 p.m. CST

    Dominic Sena taking on Jim Thompson?

    by Cash Bailey

    Face it, Peckinpah was the only director with the balls to go that hard-boiled. THE GETAWAY was pretty brutal, if slightly Hollywood-ed down, but BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA is the best story Thompson never wrote. Tell Mr SWORDFISH to fuck off and go do GONE IN 60 SECONDS MORE or something.

  • April 8, 2002, 7:05 p.m. CST

    dear BEARison Ford

    by Amroyo

    I&#39;d be the first to admit that SNL is not consistently funny...and very rarely laugh out loud. But Tina has only recently become the head writer...of a team of writers. Compare some of this season to really really bad past seasons. I mean the really PAINFUL stuff that got produced. It has been an improvement. Besides, Weekly Update is arguably the most anticipated skit and that is mostly her. This is why i&#39;m excited for her to work on a project outside of SNL so she can really do what she does so well. Yeah, the new SNL cannot compare to the good ole days but there is still alot of talent in that pile a crap.

  • April 8, 2002, 7:15 p.m. CST

    "It&#39;s like Little Darlings meets Satisfaction, but with WERE

    by Darth TJ Mackey


  • April 8, 2002, 8:21 p.m. CST

    5tone&#39;s 2cents...

    by tommy5tone

    ...becuase the power of christ compels me, it&#39;s 5tone&#39;s 2cents*****re. &#39;suckaz&#39; - no thank you, one danny hoch is enough. jesus, i can&#39;t stand that fucker...sorry, that should read &#39;fucka&#39;*****cool, a big-budget remake of the gotta-finds-me-a-rubber teen sex comedy &#39;trojan war&#39;! what&#39;s that you say? leave the comedy to buzz maverik? oh, OK. look, i&#39;m a sucker - or should that be sucka - for big-ass historical epics, and this one could do the trick quite nicely (althought i&#39;m right in saying we&#39;d all prefer michael mann&#39;s &#39;gates of fire&#39;, right?)*****yes, christina ricci LOOKS like a borgia but could we find an actress who&#39;s not going to look completely and utterly out of place in a period piece? ricci&#39;s untrained, too-modern diction fucked up &#39;sleepy hollow&#39; and it&#39;s gonna do the same here. shame, because &#39;borgia&#39; looks like the shit - why not get cate blanchett in?*****similarly, nic cage as an irish railroad worker in john woo&#39;s &#39;men of destiny&#39;? look, cage is JUST starting to get back in the good books after being terribly overexposed in some inappropriate roles. working with woo = good. putting on the oirish accent = not so smart, pal. personally, i&#39;d try and land colin farrell. if you must go american, see if you can put up with val kilmer, whose irish accent in &#39;the ghost and the darkness&#39; was pretty good*****an animated comedy about organised crime under the sea? &#39;sharkslayer&#39;? for the kids? will smith? WTF?*****re. &#39;radio&#39;: oh, cuba. oh no, cuba*****i can&#39;t even begin to think about &#39;tiptoes&#39;*****sean penn apparently called &#39;paparazzi&#39; "the best script i&#39;ve ever read" - well, duh! it has a movie star getting revenge on evil photographers!*****now i have three reasons to see &#39;willard&#39; - killer rats, crispin glover and the voluptuous charms of laura elena. hot damn, she was so fine in &#39;mulholland drive&#39; - her bedroom scenes with naomi watts have joined jennifer connelly&#39;s &#39;hot spot&#39; nude scenes on my high-rotation loop. but that&#39;s my problem, not yours*****i feel dirty just reading about &#39;give it up&#39;, mainly because the olsen twins will probably be involved in one way or another*****rossio & elliott bring the class to every project they take on, even if pure cheese like &#39;pirates of the caribbean&#39;. hopefully they&#39;ll make it into a cool pirate movie, something we haven&#39;t had since &#39;cutthroat island&#39;. (hee!) personally, i just wish they;d get cracking on &#39;zorro unmasked&#39; and find a cool helmer for their &#39;princess of mars&#39; project (martin campbell, maybe?)*****&#39;the spy next door&#39; = &#39;cops and robbersons&#39;, unfortunately*****oh. fucking. dear. dominic sena directing &#39;the killer inside me&#39;. OK, let&#39;s try to accentuate the positive here: before he entered the jerry bruckheimer/joel silver vortex of suck with &#39;60 seconds&#39; and &#39;halle&#39;s titties&#39; (oh, sorry, i meant &#39;swordfish&#39;), he directed a little movie called &#39;kalifornia&#39; which, while not great, certainly conjured some creepy, sociopathic and life-is-nasty-brutish-and-short ambience. look, if sena fucks up jim thompson i&#39;ll be one unhappy camper but there&#39;s a chance that he might get it right. casting of the lead is crucial on this one: val kilmer&#39;s wanted in for some time and i can certainly see him doing it. i always thought ed harris would make a great lou ford but he&#39;s a little too old for it now. maybe tom sizemore? russell crowe? but with andrew dominik (&#39;chopper&#39;) working on the script, why not bring in eric bana? i think that&#39;d do the trick quite nicely*****forbidden love between werewolves and vampires in &#39;underworld&#39;? to quote bill murray: "dogs and cats living together! mass hysteria!"*****kelsey grammar fucks with my head. you watch &#39;frasier&#39; (well, YOU watch &#39;frasier&#39;, I don&#39;t) and you&#39;d think he&#39;s this upper-crust poncey j. snootington type, you hear about his personal life and gather he&#39;s a coke-snorting drunk who hooks up with bimbo centrefolds, you look at the weekly recap and see his production company is backing some POS called &#39;frankenteacher&#39;. WTF is going on is this guy&#39;s blow-addled brain?*****that &#39;NY times&#39; "girls just want to be mean" article is dark and funny - it&#39;s like a real-life version of &#39;heathers&#39;. if tina fey can do it justice, if a good, fearless director gets involved (i can&#39;t think of anyone at the moment) and if the suits keep their ugly fucking snouts out of the process, we could have a winner...but don&#39;t bet on it*****any major dude will tell you, now five-tone has too.

  • April 8, 2002, 9:58 p.m. CST

    oh goody

    by kojiro

    Nic Cage with an Irish accent. I know Woo&#39;s first language isn&#39;t English but how could he not see that this is like deciding to drive by the train tracks on the way home from the bar?

  • April 9, 2002, 12:51 a.m. CST

    Thomson Lite

    by Wild At Heart

    I agree with all the other talkbackers who expressed concerns about allowing just any bozo with undescended testicles the almighty PRIVILEGE of adapting to film any story of the late, great Jim Thomson. "Killer Inside Me" was the first Thomson story I ever read, contained in one book ( Jim Thomson Omnibus, Vol 1. - buy it now, damn you! ) along with such acknowledged classics as "The Getaway" and "The Grifters". My God! That was then, is now and will forever be The Shit. I still have vivid images in my mind from Thomson&#39;s prose, when his Sherriff literally beats his wife&#39;s face to a bloody pulp. Extremely hardcore. Also, as dynamic as Peckinpah&#39;s take is on "The Getaway", I would love to some day see a more faithful adaptation of the story, one that doesn&#39;t end when the robbers safely cross the border into Mexico, but continues on ( as in Thomson&#39;s story ) to their final mutual realisation that they are prisoners within their supposed outlaw haven, and the love which bonded them together through their greatest trials has now trickled away like so much cat&#39;s piss. That is the final irony of Thomson&#39;s brilliant story - they "got away" but to where, and for what? Incidentally, Stephen Frears&#39; "the Grifters" is remarkably faithful to the source material. A great film.

  • April 9, 2002, 1:42 a.m. CST

    So Gough and Millar are official for SPIDER-MAN II

    by KingKrypton

    Well, that seals that. I am DEFINITELY not going to see SPIDER-MAN. EVER. These idiots destroyed Superman with SMALLVILLE (I&#39;ll bet Jon Peters wishes they hadn&#39;t beaten him to the punch). I don&#39;t want to see them gut Spider-Man like a fish as well.

  • April 9, 2002, 9:27 a.m. CST


    by holidill

    I probably spelled Addidas wrong, but this title jumped in my head after seeing Nike a romance. I gotta go to work now.

  • April 9, 2002, 10:17 a.m. CST

    chicks in bands

    by rev_skarekroe

    Sure, you think being on stage in a rock band makes a girl more attractive. I used to think that, too. Girls I&#39;d never be interested in real life suddenly beome hotter when you put them in a band. Joan Jett? Sure. Courtney Love? Yeah, I&#39;d do her (I&#39;d want to wear three or four condoms). The dark haired girl from Heart, after she put on all that weight? I&#39;d consider it. Moe Tucker circa 1968? Maybe. But then you see Mama Cass or the singer from Romeo Void and you the theory just flies out the window. sk