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Review

BLADE 2 review

A warning: BLADE 2 is an R-rated movie. This is the NC-17 Review of it. You have been warned.

For me to review BLADE 2, it is a major conflict of interest, because Guillermo Del Toro and I are brothers. His father says so. His wife believes this. Guillermo and I are just the best of friends, but when El Gordo calls my father Dad, and I call his Dad "Pops" and we delve into hours of passionate discussion about H.P. Lovecraft, Goya, Steve Ditko action, the movies and pussy… We can lose all track of time on planet Earth.

But having attended the World Premiere of BLADE 2 last night, one inescapable thought crossed my mind during the movie. 10 to 1…. I believe Guillermo Del Toro eats pussy better than any man alive.

Watch his ‘HOUSE OF PAIN’ sequence in BLADE 2. BLADE 2 is the tongue, mouth, fingers and lips of a lover. The Audience is the clit. Watch your audience. This is where Guillermo Del Toro goes down on the audience. It starts with long licks with a nose bump on the joy button slowly. He smiles as he does this… Watching the audience begin to squirm, then he takes the audiences’ clit in his mouth and just licks it like crazy, the audience is ready, on that precipice, then calm. He backs off… long licks again, brings in a finger to massage a bit, licks from the bottom to the top… The audience is cooing… He has them, they want release. He acts like he’s going to give it to you, takes you right to the edge, the audiences’ backs arched, ready to cum…. Backs off pinching the nipples just so, his head bobbing up to say, "You like?" The audience shifts around needing release, he builds again… The pressure at a near boiling point… Each stroke and moment a hypersensitive place… Two fingers to the sweet spot, the audience is there… right there at that point… suddenly he’s relentless taking the audience through a rampage of orgasms… trying to get away, trying to escape… back back back, but he has you, and he’s never going to let you forget this moment, the audience was electric… Frenetically frothing… Guillermo hears them begging no more, when he decides to stop for a moment, there is that relaxed calm… The audience relaxes… labored breathing… a sated smile, WHEN SUDDENLY THE RELENTLESS BASTARD IS AT IT AGAIN!!!! You begin laughing, trying to push him away, but no… more pleasure, more joy, more fun… You can’t handle it, you start giggling and screaming… And it goes like this for quite some time, till at the end… The credits roll, the theater lights come up… You look at the screen, you realize you want that tongue again… You want that feeling again, and you watch it again and again, because damn he respects the clit!

Ok, maybe I take the metaphor too far… maybe… But I had two girls around me, Patch black and blued my right forearm with slaps and rabbit punches as though Guillermo was pounding the short hairs, and Saffron (not Vegas’) gripping my shoulder from behind like frickin Spock, leaning up to my ear to say, "You didn’t tell me this was pornography!!!!" To which I grab her hand, sniffed her fingers and said, "MMMm you’re fingers are wet… enjoy!"

Now you might feel all of this is inappropriate behavior on my part, but folks, at the Q&A afterwards, the second question came from a woman on the front row that asked Del Toro "Could you comment on the vaginal influence of the Reapers?"

Guillermo looked like the wet chinned thigh splitter that he is and said, "You have to understand Make Up artists, they never get any pussy, so they are always creating it!"

ZACTLY!

Now lest you think this film is merely pornographic, and you seemingly are living in the delusion that that is a bad thing… It is not. Guillermo likes to pretend this movie is just there to make you go, "Whoa," but only a blind man can’t see Guillermo at work here.

BLADE 2 is from Goya’s Black period. Look at the palette, the brutal primalness of the Reapers.. The sparing use of color… There is sadness amongst the orgasms in this film. There is a solemn pathetic nature to the emaciated monsters of the Reapers… A melancholy to the movie at its quiet moments. When you see the Reaper that Kris’ WHISTLER catches… "Like a coyote he’s been gnawing away at his arm to get away." There is just a captivating, can’t look away, nature of the dead, the dying and the diseased, and Guillermo understands that morbidity. You can see it in his film here.

His mounds of skulls in the sewers of Prague are not pure bones, there’s rancid strings of something so icky and nasty that my eyes did not define it. The film revels in the Grand Guignol of it all, and does it all with a smile.

A smile.

That reminds me. Many people will wonder why Del Toro’s BLADE is so much more appealing than the original, and the reason is Del Toro gets Wesley to smile… and for a bit, he takes off his glasses and we see his eyes… He strips away a bit of his cool stoic manliness and lets a bit of that kid in the cookie jar joy of naughtiness out. The result is absolutely captivating.

Ron Perlman… When Ron and Guillermo get together, there is a magic to the scenes. Go check out CRONOS, watch Ron’s vain nose obsessed bad guy. Watch how utterly delicious those scenes are with Ron. Absolutely magic. Here… Here Ron comes off looking, sounding and being just that badass you love. Reinhardt is a glorious bastard in this film. Just a fantastic ass of a man. After the film, Ron took the stage with Guillermo… He was dressed with a cool black leather jacket and a B.P.R.D. t-shirt… HELLBOY. My god folks… Having read Guillermo’s HELLBOY script… It is 100% Guillermo Del Toro and folks as cool as BLADE 2 is… BLADE 2 was a teaser… It was just pussylicking…. HELLBOY is deep dicking!

The difference between BLADE 2 and most sequels that you see is that Guillermo wasn’t interested in making a sequel to BLADE. He wanted to make a vampire that you could be afraid of again. Not some guy with extended canines, but something you would run in mortal fear of. He wanted to create a swallower of souls… something from the inky black parts of your mind. Something new.

BLADE has subtle romance… platonic bonds… machismo posturing… and just an insane amount of ass-kicking. I hope Sam Raimi can top this with SPIDER-MAN, but can Tobey Maguire be more cool than Wesley Snipes? Does that Green Goblin costume allow for the actor to perform and improv and connect with his audience the way that Perlman does here… Or the Reapers? Then there is the fact that this is 100% R-rated… unapologetically.

Hope you enjoy Guillermo Del Toro’s tongu… I mean BLADE 2, you’ll be back for seconds.

Readers Talkback
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  • March 17, 2002, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Harry should write for Hustler

    by Aquafresh

    I have a friend there Harry, if you want a job.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:09 p.m. CST

    1st?

    by tonyblac

    Damn Harry. You are one horny fat man.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Hey, where is everybody?

    by Aquafresh

    Ive never seen a talkback this deserted. What do you people have lives or something?

  • March 17, 2002, 6:10 p.m. CST

    FIRST!

    by Pabodie

    Can't wait to see it with wifey jones and Sir Huggumtite Turduckens III.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:12 p.m. CST

    All My Best Friends Are Movie Makers

    by Mr Neth

  • March 17, 2002, 6:16 p.m. CST

    nice one

    by Cdiddy

    Harry, You cant expect anyone to actually believe that you know what clit looks like, because Id be really suprised if youve ever seen pussy you loser.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:16 p.m. CST

    She looked at me with those big brown eyes and said...

    by Darth Pixel

    You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet! I don't know, that song is on Winamp right now, and I just wanted to share that with you all. I took what I could, I took what I could get, and she looked at me with those big brown eyes and said... you know the rest.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:17 p.m. CST

    i can't complain, i was warned...

    by Soul Suckin Jerk

    ...but still. that was ultra fucking stupid. none the less harry, you have made this film sound almost intriguing. almost, something to be taken seriously. i hated the original, but this sounds like it might be a bit different. i'll take your word (even if you are a complete wierdo sometimes)...

  • March 17, 2002, 6:17 p.m. CST

    I think Harry desperately needs to get laid.

    by GrubStreeter

    Man was this ever unpleasant to read. What is your problem Harry? Just review the film and get your rocks off on your own time. Yuck...

  • March 17, 2002, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Pussy...?

    by Caducius

    I'm glad you enjoyed it, but the analogy was pushed to the limit. I am looking forward to Blade 2, but will reserve my judgement as I have recently come to the conclusion that the original Blade has a terrible structure, more intent on looking cool that being evenly constructed. It is difficult to watch because of 80% of the dialogue. There are some wonderfully quotable moments, Frost: "you're a fucking maniac!" but then there's Whistler's hammy use of 'fuck' and it's variables along with the general overuse of them from all characters but Blade. N'Bushe Wright's annoying turn also is a problem. Her pathetic. "I'll just cure myself. I did it before and I'll do it again." or something to that effect, indicates a strained defiance that is painfully embarrassing to watch. If it has the same screenwriter, I will not expect much but your metaphorical orgasm certainly bodes good signs.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:22 p.m. CST

    The Joy of Sex

    by Rhett Butler

    But the film? What happened in the film?

  • March 17, 2002, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Pathetic.

    by RSGumby

    Hey, I'm all for creative reviews, I loved your first review of Battlefield Earth.. but this was just pathetic. Not funny, just gross in a really pathetic way. Get a grip.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:36 p.m. CST

    This is the first time I've been in this talkback thingy

    by loopy65

    Harry, I don't normally read the talkback,I apreciate it's existance but it just seems so bloody juvenile and immature. (I'd never heard of the term or subculture called Fan Boys until I discovered this site and I must say that I detest them with every ounce of bile I produce in my prostigious stomach. Spoilt brats who know nothing about the process,craft or artistry of film making (probably can't even focus an automatic focus slr), pontificating with blind stupidity and childish arrogance with....arrrrgh!! I can't finish,I see too much red.) However I had to say that I loved this review and think it's up there as one of your best. Your love of movies and apreciation of them for what they are and aren't are so very similar to mine (and by coincidence we're both `big boned' red heads!) You tell it like it is and I relate. I was pissing myself laughing at your review above, I was going to wait for DVD for this movie but no longer. Well done and thankyou An admirer from Oz

  • March 17, 2002, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Thanks to you I have to get a new keyboard...

    by Mully4Ever

    Sick. Disgusting. Ridiculous. Loved every second of it.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:40 p.m. CST

    So, Harry...

    by sprocket-bot

    ...are you saying one need's to be a pussy to enjoy this movie? :) Can't wait to see it, though the thought of a large mexican man going down on me is revolting at the least...what can I say, straight pride!!!

  • March 17, 2002, 6:40 p.m. CST

    So, Harry...

    by sprocket-bot

    ...are you saying one need's to be a pussy to enjoy this movie? :) Can't wait to see it, though the thought of a large mexican man going down on me is revolting at the least...what can I say, straight pride!!!

  • March 17, 2002, 6:43 p.m. CST

    Harry, even though you apologized for taking the metaphor too fa

    by Lenny Nero

    YOU TOOK THE METAPHOR WAY TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!! You make me laugh, but this is the kind of stuff that critic at EW talked about your book being. Now, as a fan, I liked your book (quick read...two days on and off) but this is just nasty. Like your Battlefield Earth review, where I just wanted to see you cap on a movie big time, but instead you talk about shit in a toilet. Yow! I like you Harry, you just seem to want to piss people off sometimes.

  • March 17, 2002, 6:47 p.m. CST

    by marla147

    I think, after reading that review, I've lost all interest in seeing Blade 2. I'm scarred for life now. Thanks a lot!

  • March 17, 2002, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Worst review ever

    by DavidManning

    I don't think your friend will thank you for this one.

  • March 17, 2002, 7:03 p.m. CST

    yer all on crack: that review freakin RULED!!!!!

    by Tall_Boy

    anytime somebody talks for a full two pages about eating snatch as an extended metaphor for an action movie gets my vote, yo! that was awesome, harry!

  • March 17, 2002, 7:08 p.m. CST

    GREAT REVIEW HARRY!

    by andreasingo

    It made me smile all the way through and you didn't spoil anything. Good work. You're one of the few "film critics" that knows how to have fun. Keep up the good work!

  • March 17, 2002, 7:21 p.m. CST

    "Two Tongues Up"

    by MisterBones5

    Well, Harry likes this movie. Cool. But beyond that, I've been looking for a new way to review movies for the new milennium. I mean, "two thumbs up" is so last century. Gimmee a break, grandpa. Well, I believe that Harry has broken through with the new hype. "This BLADE II movie really licked the audience's pussy! I give it Two Tongues Up!"

  • March 17, 2002, 7:28 p.m. CST

    to loopy, who probably won't read it but oh well

    by STRIDER355

    Dude. . .I dunno what to say to you. But the fact that people ranting about movies makes you want to puke, certainly shows something about how weak of a human being you are. Oh, and this movie will rock. Funny review, Harry.

  • March 17, 2002, 7:30 p.m. CST

    Harry, i hate to join the chorus, but you're killin' me.

    by Sterling Wolfe

    Harry, I love you, man. But you're really killing me here. Same reasons others have expressed better than I. Harry, it's not about the sex. But it's the approach. I don't want to be embarrassed to read aicn like it's a bunch of dorks sitting around with their hands in their pants, who have never seen or spoken to a woman. Harry, please, man. You're killing me, along with surely many others. See you at Dea's surely wonderful show, hopefully, on Wednesday, but man, Harry, leave this "you" behind and you will be doing a great number of people a big favor. The cons of this completely over the top stuff outweigh the pros, and it just sounds desparate, and unintelligent, and IMHO completely obfuscates any point you'd wish to make. Like watching a dad throw a porn birthday party for his horrified daughter. It's creepy, Harry. It's creepy.

  • March 17, 2002, 7:47 p.m. CST

    sterling...

    by STRIDER355

    "watching a dad throw a porn birthday for his horrified daughter." That's even funnier than Harry's review!

  • March 17, 2002, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Whatever interest I had in this film . . .

    by NerdBird

    Is gone now. And I guess along with it Harry's chance at a pulitzer in film criticism. I never thought I would read a positive (it was positive, right?) review of a film that would leave me nauseous, and I think of myself as a pretty crude dude. At least we don't have to worry about Harry running for office. And I suppose it could have been worse. He could have been reviewing Michael Moore's new book . . .

  • March 17, 2002, 8:05 p.m. CST

    My opinion of the review of Blade 2

    by Mr Bonefish

    Thank god for the first amendment. Keep it up Harry...write on. To the naysayers, freedom rules.

  • March 17, 2002, 8:26 p.m. CST

    This whole review was just written to be read by Del Torro...it&

    by Fat is Beautiful

    And it's too bad because this is a film alot of people would have liked to have Harrys opinion on....but again it's just about how Harry is buddy's with the director...well we are happy for you Harry...but most of us can't relate to that and we JUST WANT AN UNBIASED OPINION ABOUT THE MOVIE, IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE TO US, NOT A HA HA FUNNY JOKE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR "BRO"!!

  • March 17, 2002, 8:28 p.m. CST

    EWWWW!!! I think I just had cybersex with Harry...

    by Nihilon

    I feel so dirty. Excuse me while I go shower for 10 hours.

  • March 17, 2002, 8:37 p.m. CST

    ...

    by HeeHeeHee

    That was pretty stupid. Could you please tell us more about the actual movie?

  • March 17, 2002, 8:51 p.m. CST

    What does Harry know about eating pussy?

    by vich1

    Not much, besides what he's seen in movies would be my guess.

  • March 17, 2002, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Surprise surprise, Harry gives another glowing review to a movie

    by Atticus Finch

    'Nuff said!

  • March 17, 2002, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Stupid Fucks

    by ThaGuru

    Only Harry can pull this off. Great Review. If you want an easy orthodox review, Go somewhere else cocksuckers. Good Shit.

  • But I don't need the image of Harry THINKING about oral. His flab getting all sweaty...eeeewwww!!!!!!! MUST SHOWER NOW!!

  • March 17, 2002, 10:05 p.m. CST

    How are we supposed to

    by Cincy Vigilante

    take you seriously Harry. Damn that was just sad.

  • March 17, 2002, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Harry you watch to much porn, you should get out more

    by IAmLegolas

    Anyway, I can't wait to see this movie! "Some motherf*ckers always trying to ice skate uphill."

  • March 17, 2002, 10:28 p.m. CST

    I hate Harry

    by Dark Bastion

    Harry, I hate you with every inch of my soul. You will perish in flames for that "review." Please go back to raping wild animals.

  • But that was way over the line of good taste and I was so uninterested in reading it, that I didn't. I know that sort of thing passes for humor here, but that was lame. Harry, I love you in a purely platonic way, and will remain a fan, but use some good judgement.

  • March 17, 2002, 10:35 p.m. CST

    Harry says Attack of the Clones is like a 3some!!!!!!

    by Fat is Beautiful

    Let's hope he doesn't compare it to anal sex now in his review.

  • March 17, 2002, 10:39 p.m. CST

    YOU JUST CALLED ME A CLIT..., ASSHOLE.

    by jennababe

    Make-up artists not getting pussy? It's obvious Harry's not doing much better. Give me a break with this shit.

  • March 17, 2002, 10:51 p.m. CST

    That was pretty gross

    by Pksoze22

    I'm a 22 hetero male raised inb the East coast. Bat that was sick shit Harry.

  • March 17, 2002, 10:58 p.m. CST

    that was really fucking GROSS, harry!

    by a goonie

    seriously, man, that was one helluva bad review. it wasn't EVEN a review. generally, your reviews are laced with the occasional grammatical error, and are written in a sort of stream-of-consciousness kind of way, which is certainly not in any way similar to other critic's printed reviews, BUT what i like about your reviews is that you generally, very often, make at least ONE REALLY GOOD POINT. which is more than i can say about most reviewers, whose reviews sound good, but are often quite hollow. but this review here, this was just gross. strange and gross. Massawrym (is that how you spell it?) wrote a very good REVIEW of Blade 2. i enjoyed it. this, however, just made me wretch.

  • March 17, 2002, 10:59 p.m. CST

    And there I was thinking Americans didn't 'do' sarca

    by PoshKittyKat

    "Guillermo Del Toro and I are like brothers." I'm sure Harry's detractors (e.g EW reviewer) will love that. Bless you, Harry.

  • March 17, 2002, 11:18 p.m. CST

    Harry, Harry, Harry . . .

    by RogueScribner

    You know, I visit this site regularly, but I rarely "talk back". This review compelled me to speak up. Harry, this review was down right embarassing. I don't know if you are trying to be "cool" or whatever, and I realize you're not a professional journalist, but think before you type. I'm looking forward to BLADE 2 as much as the next guy, but reviews like yours make me wonder. What was the point of writing like that? To shock people? To talk like your a friend of mine? It's one thing to use slang and curse words in a web site review. It's a whole other thing to write pornography and pass it off as a film review. I think you should reevaluate your writing style and try, TRY to be a bit more professional. How do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you don't even take yourself seriously? L8r

  • March 17, 2002, 11:28 p.m. CST

    So you're saying you liked the movie, right?

    by Ambrose Chappell

    Very funny review, Harry! It ranks right up there with your review of "Lake Placid" (a classic piece of critical analysis if I do say so myself).

  • March 17, 2002, 11:31 p.m. CST

    Harry Digler...

    by Sisyphuss

    Yep. Its evident that Harry can't get any...

  • March 17, 2002, 11:36 p.m. CST

    That was the most daring review I've read... kudos to you Ha

    by Kampbell-Kid

    What worries me is... I told my boss tonight at the theater AICN had raving reviews of Blade 2 and he said he'd check it out. That was before Harry posted his review... now my boss is gonna get online, read this, and go "OH MY @#$%^@#%ING GOD!!" Oh well, can't wait to see it!!!!

  • March 17, 2002, 11:41 p.m. CST

    That's it, I'm outta here...

    by JonQuixote

    Memo to Guillermo Del Toro: get some new friends.

  • March 17, 2002, 11:46 p.m. CST

    So, is BLADE still screwing his creator?

    by Oh Hell

    All this dirty talk reminds me...whatever happened to Marv Wolfman's suit against Marvel Comics regarding ownership of Blade and Deacon Frost? He didn't create either of those characters under a work-for-hire contract, so don't they belong to him?

  • March 17, 2002, 11:56 p.m. CST

    Oi...

    by patient37

    Suddenly those big hairy jubblies of yours are looking a bit more alluring, Herr Knowles.

  • March 17, 2002, 11:57 p.m. CST

    Harry ...

    by hktelemacher

    Sure, plenty of jerk-offs are going to come at you both barrels for your review, but man ... this is the first review of yours I've read that has been captivating. Not because you equated the flick with licking pussy, but because your enthusiasm was contagious and you conveyed it just so. I hope the movie has half the power of that little gem. It could be construed as juvenile, but it's a very good sign when a flick (a sequel of all things) can create such a response from someone who sometimes does froth at the mouth for certain movies, but never in such a way. Any doubt I had about Blade 2 is wiped away, and you've done us all a great disservice by pumping us up so much. Hopefully Del Toro will keep your promise. That was solid writing. Sometimes some good old fashioned good intentioned gratuitiousness is healthy. And Blade 2 sounds very healthy to me - a movie that may finally involve the audience in every sensory way it can.

  • March 17, 2002, 11:58 p.m. CST

    Harry...

    by Billy Talent

    As a film critic, you make a really lousy pornographer. I don't get offended easily, but that was just fucking disgusting, hostile, ugly, embarrasing and stupid. Roger Ebert is friendly with a lot of film makers. He never writes that kind of shit. Between your sycophantic droolings, your grotesque sexual allusions and your childish bashing of films like 'Gosford Park' you're starting to sound more and more like elfkiller8 or someone. Just grow up a little.

  • March 18, 2002, 12:21 a.m. CST

    Nicely said, El Gordo, but I cfan go you one better.

    by Cash Bailey

    BLADE 1 was like renting an awesome-looking porno, getting over-excited and shooting your wad after the first three minutes, then sitting back through the rest of it, barely interested, waiting for your dick to get hard again. How'd I go?

  • March 18, 2002, 12:37 a.m. CST

    People who question Harry's reviews...

    by ruskul

    ...Go someplace else. I go to Aint it cool to hear reviews that are dead honest, and this is just another example. Feel offended? Then find another review site that cuts back before the words have been typed. Censors before allowing expression. Go to Sony. Go back to book burning you fascist mutherfuckers!!! BTW, I have no intrest in seeing this movie, so I'm not just being biassed.

  • March 18, 2002, 12:44 a.m. CST

    The closest Harry's ever been to a clit involved walking a d

    by lasertagmcmahan

    FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB FAT AND DUMB . . . and stupid too.

  • March 18, 2002, 12:47 a.m. CST

    This is the kind of review a 600 pound man should never write

    by Veidt

    Never. Ever.

  • March 18, 2002, 12:57 a.m. CST

    I'd love to see his face when he's sober again and reads

    by AnotherThief

    That was REALLY pathetic.

  • Good God.... I actually was really hyped to see this movie until i read this. Very Disturbing. Sorry Harry, i can't defend you on this. FLAME AWAY! *If NEW LINE can somehow make it so no one has any memory of this review it would be much appreciated.*

  • March 18, 2002, 1:15 a.m. CST

    Harry missed his true calling in life... Writing Pr0n...

    by TheMatarife

    Damned funny shit. This movie sounds like its the cat's ass. Can't wait to go see it.

  • that is all.

  • March 18, 2002, 1:51 a.m. CST

    This proves my theory that Harry actually has FEMALE GENITALIA

    by SpeedyGonzales

    How can you deny it?

  • March 18, 2002, 1:56 a.m. CST

    I can't stop laughing!!!!!!!

    by Atlantis2001

    I can't believe Harry actually wrote AND posted that!

  • March 18, 2002, 2:25 a.m. CST

    I Didn't Think Anything Would Make Me More Exasperated Than

    by jollydwarf

    ...but shit 'n' shinola, was I wrong. I couldn't read anything after the first paragraph until the last two paragraphs. That was just out and out fucking disturbing. And this is one of the more powerful men in Hollywood? What I did see (before I could look away) suggests possible insanity and really compromises the cred of the AOTC review. I think I need to go look at some NCAA scores now....

  • Come on. This was just obscene.

  • March 18, 2002, 2:36 a.m. CST

    What's happened to us????

    by McKenzieFrenzy

    Why does everyone seem to be in a race of political correctness?........will the winner get a prize?, whats happened to the free speach mentality where reviews such as this were held up as shining examples of our ability to comunicate whatever we damn well wanted to a world wide audience. Brilliant review Harry.......its what reviews should be.........not spoiler filled accounts of plot and story, but metaphorical allusions to the experience we can expect to have as a viewer of the film in question. For crying out loud Blade 2 isnt forrest gump or driving miss fucking dasy.......its an r rated action horror, and as any film studies student should know, the structure and appeal of horror films and pornography are almost identical. As such it is perfectly reasonably to use one to illistrate the other...........shame shame shame on all you morality watchdogs, as someone once said, political correctness is one of the great evils in the world....why? because it belongs in the category of mind controll.........I strongly suggest that if you found Harrys review offensive you seriously think of joining some kind of organised religion.........you'll be much happier, but it's just a suggestion...........well done harry

  • March 18, 2002, 2:54 a.m. CST

    I think I just filled a cup.

    by Psyclops

    Dude!!! What's wrong with you? I felt violated reading that... and kinda turned on... EEEWWW!!!! Anyway, BLADE 2 kicks ass and all you naysayers are gonna be begging for more when this hits theaters on Friday (I got to see it in November... MWAHAHAHAH!!!!), too cool. Say Harry, did they leave in the autopsy sequence? The botched decapitation too?

  • March 18, 2002, 2:59 a.m. CST

    This Has Nothing To Do With Political Correctness

    by jollydwarf

    It instead immerses us into what can only (at least at 2:51 A.M.) be called "extremely creepy ickiness." Believe me, I'm not repressed, but if true freedom means thinking about Harry Knowles or any director for that matter giving head IN GRAPHIC DETAIL, then maybe I should start considering letting a little more of my inner Ned Flanders or Rush Limbaugh out. Between this and that "AICN Hottie" debacle in the Coaxial section a couple weeks ago, well, somebody tell "Head" (pun intended) Geek to go piss in a cup. We'll have the results in three business days.

  • March 18, 2002, 2:59 a.m. CST

    Jack Carter 2000... you FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! Harry, delete his po

    by Psyclops

    I've seen the movie too and I was tempted to give away some of the best parts... but NOT THE WHOLE FUCKING THING YOU JACKASS!!!! Jeez, I let a few vague bits slip about tonight's ALIAS episode (which I saw in advance at the Paley Festival on Monday) and my post got deleted in that talkback, this guy is giving you the whole fucking movie in a nutshell. ASSFUCKER!!!

  • March 18, 2002, 3 a.m. CST

    LMAO

    by Alphashewolf

    FOMCROTFLMAOTIPIMP....hahahahaha...howllll...hehehehe...chortle...giggle..snort That's the funniest thing I've read in ages...hahaha. If you intended to shock everyone I reckon you pulled it off...

  • March 18, 2002, 3:22 a.m. CST

    Prudes, Get Over Yourselves

    by Grimjack99

    Good movie or not, Harry's review is just that. His excitement for and about this film got him to the point of equating it with a sexual act. SO FUCKING WHAT??? Are we so Victorian in our mores that any graphic text on the subject of sex causes us to faint or feel short of breath? Oh, wait, I forgot these reactions are coming out of talk back, where you have to set your I.Q. back thirty points or so. Okay, I'll simplify. Harry good guy. Him get excited about film. Him compare film with clit-licking. Him not evil, just excited. Wrongness in eye of beholder. Hey, Harry, I forget, did people get this flabbergasted about Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back? Anyhow, my opinion on the subject of whether or not Harry erred is this; No, he did not. It's his house, and he's the master. He can do whatever the hell he wants. Anyone who doesn't like it can take their toys and go home. In fact, I'd enjoy reading talk back a hell of a lot more if you prudish numbnuts WOULD go home. Yes! I've said it, and I'm glad, do you hear me? GLAD! PRUDES ARE NUMBNUTS!! PRUDES ARE NUMBNUTS!!

  • March 18, 2002, 4:05 a.m. CST

    Del Toro was fucking COOL!

    by supershauna

    The film is over the top, but that was the point. I think Guillermo Del Toro did what he set out to do, but don't go there expecting a solid plot or a realistic look. I really enjoy seeing world premieres with the cast/crew in attendance to get an idea of what they were actually trying to accomplish. Wesley Snipes should know that his film will make plenty of cash, but I actually wouldn

  • March 18, 2002, 4:25 a.m. CST

    Disappointed and Creeped Out...

    by Morningwood

    This guy is either completely whacked out of his mind on something, simply lost it all together or is simply a pathetic creep and has been all along. What a train wreck. I can't imagine what was going on in his head when he typed...that. Visions of himself as Pacino in Scarface or sitting around a table with a bunch of montley scumbags in a Tarantino movie. He is sitting there typing this...sub verbal moronic obsenity with his tongue hanging out, sweating like a pig...a mirror no where in sight and you know what he thinks? He thinks it is going to come out looking cool. He has more people hitting his website for the first time than ever before because of his book, posts a review of the next Star Wars movie on one page...and then does this. First time visitors...maybe even some powerful people in the industry come to visit the site for the first time...look at the cartoon of him shooting a gun in the upper left hand corner then look at the creepy as hell caricture on the book gif...then they read something so entirely offensive it has even the most anti-social and warped fan boys 'holding their hat' and any vestige of what remained on a female viewership signing off for good, children confused and upset, parents furious. What we see here is the dark side of a culture...the saddest aspect of a cruel stereotype not fit for the Springer Show. We wanted him to surprise us and show his critics wrong. Hell, folks here in Austin were proud to have him. What a fool, what a clown. What makes a man, dignity, courage, honor, respect? What is Harry? A gnome....a mean...angry...gnome. If Harry is indeed a man or even just what passes these days for a decent human being...We will be expecting a REAL heartfelt apology by this evening. :(

  • March 18, 2002, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Harry is a typical hillbilly: obsessed with his own shit and jiz

    by Eugene O

    There is nothing shocking or contraversial about this review. We all knew it was coming based on many of his other lame attempts at "creative" writing. No surprises, Harry. Sorry.

  • March 18, 2002, 6:03 a.m. CST

    Oh c'mon, it was funny

    by Kagero

    and it's always good to read something besides the same old BS

  • March 18, 2002, 6:28 a.m. CST

    My God, Harry!

    by CoolDan989

    It's almost as if you want to make your review nauseating to read on purpose! All you have to do is tell us whether you like the movie or not! Jeez!

  • March 18, 2002, 6:41 a.m. CST

    LOL!

    by Luluca

    What a great review! ;-D Even if I don

  • March 18, 2002, 7:17 a.m. CST

    down the drain

    by something001

    This site isn't about movies anymore, it's an outlet for an indulgent, self serving, opiniated jerk, high on his own celebrity. This review just proved it.

  • March 18, 2002, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Harry, that was a terrible review...

    by Roguewriter

    ... not that I'm bitching about your right to write em how you see em (I've defended that in the past) but considering that practically every legitimate reviewer in the nation has thus far completely IGNORED Del Toro's BLADE 2, I was kinda hoping for some serious in-depth discussion here, and a little more info about the flick itself. So, OK, can Moriarty give this one a whirl? Thanks!

  • March 18, 2002, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Good Lord

    by Buck_Turgidson

    Dear Penthouse Forum: I never thought it would happen to me... Harry, time to meet some real women and go re-take your high school health class. What a crappy review.

  • March 18, 2002, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Bar of soap, man of filth...

    by Darth Gravy

    Passion for a movie or a director is an admirable quality. But Harry, someone ought to wash your mouth out (or rap your hands really good with a ruler). Being dirty for the sake of being dirty is a tired old routine, and incredibly juvenile as well. The real feat to conveying passion felt for a movie or a director is keeping your pants zipped up the entire time, Sr. Knowles. But then again, what can you do when you have one hand on the keyboard and another on your crotch?

  • March 18, 2002, 10:27 a.m. CST

    ShadowInc - You're on the money...

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    I only got through about two paragraphs of this, and now I'm completely pissed off, since when I do actually see this movie (which I had been quite looking forward to, actually) I am afraid I am going to have fucking flashbacks of this deathless prose appearing in my head at random moments, moments that will wrench me out of the film as I sit, spastically crossing my legs until my thigh bones break and trying to control my heaving gorge. Don't get me wrong, I like being blown as much as the next chick, but this was utterly, utterly gross. "wet-chinned thighsplitter" - urgh! "joy button" - nyargh! Call the police - I've just been raped by prose (well, I think it was prose, though it may have been wearing a ski-mask). Excuse me while I bugger off to claw my own eyes out so I never have to read ANYTHING like this EVER again.

  • March 18, 2002, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Ok, you tubby bitch, if del Torro is so great, why is he making

    by Silver_Joo

    Hero worship is a dangerous thing Harry. How many times have people had to listen to you anally pleasing directors that did not think you were a fat geek, only for us to find out that their films were poor? Try a new approach, one that does not see you stuck in the pockets of Hollywood, and fluffing for the film crews.

  • March 18, 2002, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Schoener Leben

    by Al_Shut

    This review reminds me of something Walter Moers wrote in"Sch

  • March 18, 2002, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Perhaps the Worst Review I've Ever Read!

    by Megaladon

    That was just embarrassing! Although I generally like this site, every once in awhile Harry really makes himself looks foolish (fawning over The Phantom Menace, a horrible film, or begging for presents on his birthday are two examples). That review really takes the cake however. It wasn't just bad, it was creepy. I don't blame the female talk-backers for vomiting after reading it!

  • March 18, 2002, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Cunnilingus - Latin for "he who licks the vulva"

    by Juggernaut125

    Cunniling0 - Latin for "he who licks the volvo." Nice review Harry, I had to read three times to finally "get there'. "It's kinda like "Bang The Drum Slowly" only in this case, the Drum's a chick. What many of these reviewers fail to realize is that this review was actually INTERESTING! I mean, which movie would you rather see? 'The film was a caucophony of pathos and religious fervor. Where in the characterizations drew deep from an emotional core to portray reality in a harsh yet brilliant light." or "You're the clit. The director is the tongue. And the tongue KNOWS how to eat clit." Usually, I'm not big on your reviews Harry. I hate all the preamble on how buying that box of jujubes at the consession stand reminded you of your first bicycle without training wheels which put you in mind of your childhood as you watched "Field of Dreams 2: GOOOOAAAL!" but at least in this one, there's a physicality about the review. Some people will be repulsed. Some will be enticed. But everyone's gonna remember it. Good job.

  • March 18, 2002, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Infantilism wins again...

    by MICKFINN

    First things first, the review was awful. Not for the actual language. No, it's teh mentality and childish "oooh, aren't I naughty" nature behind it. It was childish, immature and eally just unimaginative. I can hear this tired crap from preteen Eminem wannabes on the street. This has nothing to do with political correctness. Let's get one thing straight-The First Amendment is a two-way street. harry's entitled to spew his Al Goldstein pap... and we're allowed to say he's full of shit. Seems freedom of speech has been co-opted by the irresponsible and immature, a rallying cry for the uneducated and ignorant to shock for the sake of shock. Freedom comes with a responsibility, as well as actually having something to say. By all means, say what you want, but don't get all pissy if someone diasagrees with you and start saying "your opinion violates my right to free speech." Is it possible for the fan nation to rise above this puerile nonsense? After Moriarty's blatant grudge with James Gunn ( note-the cartoon was bad, so the movie looks pretty damned faithful, in that regard), the less than circumstantial evidence-based bashing of AOTC and now this low rent Henry Miller diatribe passed off as a movie review, I highly doubt it. fan"BOY" indeed. Still and always, The Mick

  • March 18, 2002, 11:11 a.m. CST

    GO HARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by Kampbell-Kid

    Thats brave... you are awesome!!!! Thats the bravest thing since Ellen's last sitcom episode which was a subtle "FUCK YOU!" to everyone in showbiz. EW may feel they made you and that they can now take you down... I'm never reading a Entertainment Weekly again EVER! GO HARRY!!! :)

  • March 18, 2002, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Review Writing 101

    by D0GB0Y

    Rule 1: Don't write a review that is so vulgar, that to read it would inflict wounds upon the eyes. Harry, you really need to STOP writing meandering crap and write real reveiws.....you know....ones that tell how good or bad the movie is....perhaps even break down and tell how good or bad the sound/costumes/camera work, etc is. But then again. That would be a good review, not this piece of crap you wrote for us.

  • March 18, 2002, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Didn't this used to be a movie review site?

    by Rogerborg

    Or am I thinking of somewhere else? Is there a similarly named site that actually reviews films using mostly English words written so that they make some kind of sense when read from left to right and top to bottom? Any ideas?

  • March 18, 2002, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Didn't this used to be a movie review site?

    by Rogerborg

    Or am I thinking of somewhere else? Is there a similarly named site that actually reviews films using mostly English words written so that they make some kind of sense when read from left to right and top to bottom? Any ideas?

  • March 18, 2002, 1:59 p.m. CST

    i'm tired of this shit

    by Lelon

    the server is fucked, so i'm not typing it out AGAIN. THIS MOVIE LOOKS LIKE ASS PERIOD. if it is as good as queen of the damned i'll be FLOORED

  • March 18, 2002, 1:59 p.m. CST

    open up

    by mbritton72

    What's wrong with a review that uses the same erotic imagery inherent in the vampire myth to get you pumped for the film? A VAMPIRE film. You people have no imagination, and your criticism barely masks your low self esteem and presumably unattractive appearance. Luckily the world has a few Harrys because if it didn't, we'd all be a bunch of frigid librarians.

  • March 18, 2002, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Oi vay

    by penywisetheclown

    How come when I was reading that I kept picturing Guillermo eating Harry's Pussy.....big fat naked Harry with a big dripping pussy.....Jesus, I have to go wash my eyes out with Drain-O now........

  • March 18, 2002, 2:16 p.m. CST

    But I had two girls around me, Patch black and blued my right fo

    by misterWINKIE

    ok harry...are u sure u werent sitting on these broads...i think u were...anyways...please stop copy/pasting u and moriarity's cyber sex chats and using them as reviews...pathetic

  • March 18, 2002, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Harry's masturbation exercise....

    by Fatal Discharge

    ...hold limp noodle, make vertical motion with hand, repeat until satisfied, turn off webcam, wipe self and hose down keyboard before Dad finds out.

  • March 18, 2002, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Geez, Harry, you need a vacation with Kitten.

    by WarDog

    No, actually I was not offended by your review. I just wish it had told us a good deal more about the film. Like how well actors perform in it, how good the story is, how good the SFX are, how good the script is, yadda-yadda-yadda. You know, the usual. Please try to remember us simple filmfans next time who don't care for someone waxing metaphoric over a film they really LOVE to the point of (intellectual) orgasm. It doesn't really help us know whether or not WE would enjoy it. There are all kinds of sexual activity that result in orgasm. How should we know if this kind is what we'd like? ***** And for heaven's sake, would someone please tell me why the studio felt they HAD to bring back the Whistler character? Goddammit, let Blade move on with his life of fighting vampires or get a new mentor/sidekick. I am so SICK of this oh-he-really-die SHIT.

  • March 18, 2002, 4:31 p.m. CST

    HAHAHA! Jack Carter is FUCKED now!

    by PattyOGreen

    Dude... you're on the highway to being banned. Such a high-bandwith post of such asshole proportions (seriously, that is an asshole thing to do, describing the entire movie with no forewarning) was bad enough... but posting it up here a half-dozen times has sealed your doom. The only hope you have is that for the few days Father Geek's out in LA with Harry, he's letting up on his job. I hate assholes who spoil good movies and don't let people know they're going to...

  • March 18, 2002, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Great googly moogly

    by LoudmouthCracker

    Well, that was interesting. I'll be straight with y'all and say right up front that I had zero interest in seeing "Blade II" to begin with, as I'm not into goth/vampire/black-clad alternateen horseshit. No offense, anybody; it's just not my thing. However, having read this transcript of Harry busting a nut into his bermuda shorts, I must say that my interest in seeing this movie is now LESS than zero, if such a thing is even possible. Now hey, maybe this review really spoke to some of you. To me, it was simply another example of Harry giving his friends props. It's kind of like LOTR. Y'know, I'd probably love that movie even more if I'd gotten to go visit the shoots and the sets and hobnob with the filmmakers. Go figure. Now I'm not going to speculate about Harry's sex life because (a) it's none of my damn business despite his best efforts to let us all know about it with his droolings about "kitten", and (b) it's probably better than mine. Hey, anybody can get laid when he has money practically falling out of his ass. No skin off my nose, either way. I'll say this, though, in closing: if Harry wants to try to write movie reviews that'd actually get Larry Flynt's dick up again, that's his call. The bottom line is that it's remarkably funny to see a movie review getting its own reviews. What's better than seeing a self-absorbed movie critic get verbally blasted in the nuts?

  • March 18, 2002, 5:37 p.m. CST

    All you childish, prudish motherfuckers LAY THE FUCK OFF OF HARR

    by LesterB

    When you open your own movie review website, you can write your reviews any way you choose. Jesus, some of you are starting to sound like those Washington whiners who want to fine the studios every time somebody says "fuck" or lights a cigarette. Grow the fuck up. Harry can write his reviews any way he wants. You don't like it? Stop coming to the site, you bunch of idiots? Or maybe, just maybe you enjoy hating Harry. It gives your life meaning. In which case ... well, who am I to take away your purpose? Harry, don't listen to these morons. You write what you what when you want how you want. There are an awful lot of jealous people in the world who wish they could have turned THEIR hobby into a career.

  • March 18, 2002, 5:46 p.m. CST

    WHAT A VILE PIECE OF GARBAGE

    by Michel Delving

    That's the most disgusting/embarrasing review I've ever read. It totally makes me not want to see the movie. Harry, if you're going to write this garbage, you'd better post an 18 years and older Enter/Exit sign and throw in some penthouse scans for the adults. I hope whatever drugs you were on when you wrote it were excellent, because you've lost a lot of credibility with a lot of people today.

  • March 18, 2002, 5:47 p.m. CST

    by PUNY HUMANS

    Harry, bad review. It made no sense and wasn't funny. Swear words and juvenile talk about oral sex stopped being funny to me somewhere around 6th grade. Blade II, was it any good, did it move, how were the visuals, how did the Reapers come off? The previous talkbacker was correct, Blade II has been ignored by the major media outlets. AICN is supposed give comprehensive coverage to genre projects that the mainstream media gives short shrift to because it's not what they consider serious fare. Harry, you've been going on about a Blade II for months , then when you finally review it we get this pathetic attempt to be shocking. I'm no prude and I'm not easily offended but there is one thing i find highly offensive: The poorly written sex fantasies of a 30 year old who should no better. I'd guess you would describe next years HULK as being comparable to being gang raped by Mike Tyson.

  • March 18, 2002, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Damm

    by GadgetBoy

    Well, Harry, I really didn't think you had it in you. I Liked it. I still don't know what's in the movie, in terms of dialogue, effects or story, but your review was different. And by the way, Jack Carter 2000, you're right, you can post whathever you want, but fuck, how old are you? you're so stupid.

  • March 18, 2002, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Awesome review Harry

    by Corky St. Clair

    A review like this is why I read your reviews. This is what separates you from the other critics. Reminds me of your Battlefield Earth review. Creative and original. Don't listen to the haters who want you to conform, keep up the twisted and entertaining and interesting technique. If they don't like it, they can read someone else's review. I will say though that sometimes I get bored by the what you did before seeing the movie sections of some of your reviews, but I can deal with it as long as you start pumping out more strange analogies.

  • March 18, 2002, 6:48 p.m. CST

    It's true...Harry really isa narcissistic pig!

    by nick lang

    Seriously, Harry. Who gives a shit with who you're "friends" with in Hollywood. You're virtually hated by everyone whose not "friends" with you. Blade 2 looks like a kick-ass movie and I can't wait to see it, but you're review had nothing to do with that. I dare you to actually write an objective review on a film, i dunno, say like a real writer would! Quit the name dropping. That review in EW pretty much sums up my opinion of you. BTW - Let's be honest...have you even kissed a girl, let alone gone down on one?

  • March 18, 2002, 7:14 p.m. CST

    i feel dirty

    by wovvee

    haha...all i can picture is Harry and Del Torro in the back of the theater, playing footsies and going down on each other...THE HORROR! THE HORROR!....can't wait for the movie though...

  • March 18, 2002, 7:18 p.m. CST

    I feel sorry for you talkbackers

    by andreasingo

    Can't you see the joke? I mean, are you retards offended or something? Who gives a rats ass about spelling? Who gives a rats ass about language? It's the enthusiasm that counts. Get a life!

  • March 18, 2002, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Jack Carter 2000 and lasertagmcmahan...

    by CoolDan989

    Does the word "banned" mean anything to either of you? Seriously...

  • March 18, 2002, 7:51 p.m. CST

    The thing to know...

    by luiscypher

    When one watches a Michael Bay Motion Picture you get the sensation that Bay knows how to fuck ass better than any director in the biz. His films pummel you with brute masquline strength. Your anus opens wide and then tightens when the full force and width of his celluloid assault masterfully pounds you into submission. With each over the top moment quick cut edit and throbbing musical movement makes you his willing bitch. You want to turn around and gaze in awe at the genius that resides behind his enormous and knowing eyes. But as you do he quickly slaps you in the back of your head forcing you to stare directly ahead and away form his brilliant supper nova like talent .And he pounds you more and enters you ever deeper he is like a thermobaric bomb detonating in your ass. You want to stare at his glory.. alas he will not let so you bite the red ball in your mouth tighter as he.....

  • March 18, 2002, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Dummism

    by BritainsFinest

    Do you know what machismo means? If you did you wouldn't put it in your reveiw. My definition of machismo is a big fat bald ugly looking gorilla smellin and has a third inverted nipple with buffalo balls growing out of the back of his neck named Harry.

  • March 18, 2002, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Dear Lord...

    by SamWave

    That's the strangest thing I've seen all week. Holy crap.

  • March 18, 2002, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Nice one Harry!!

    by crozz

    Man that was a cool review Harry. Edgy, but cool. Blade 2 looks like the shit! Well Harry you have just confirmed that you are the wierdest, most fucked up , and coolest critic out there. And that why we love ya. Keep up the good work.

  • March 18, 2002, 8:44 p.m. CST

    Blade 2...........a miss!

    by TWan

    BUT not an intentional miss, at least not yet. confused? i live in Canada and i dont know how the rating system works in theatres in the U.S., but if a movie is rated R, the theatres give it either an AA rating, or flat out R. if its R, then NO one under the age of 18 can go see it. I am 16. I am now starting to believe that, because of Blade 2's nature, it will be given the title of R above any other. I have been waiting for this movie since the VERY first rumors surfaced and to not be able to see it in all its glory makes me want to puke. it seems as tho i will have some serious sneaking action to attend to... the 'R' rating would also be a stupid idea because the sheer amount of money the movie will lose due to the lack of teenage viewers will be astonishing. I know no one out there can change this fate, (anyone?....didnt think so...) i just thought i should let all the other victims (yes, VICTIMS!) of this tragedy know that they are not alone... ... FUCK!

  • March 18, 2002, 9:07 p.m. CST

    DID I JUST STUMBLE INTO PENTHOUSE FORUM!?

    by empyreal0

  • March 18, 2002, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Aliceinwonderland...

    by Mr Bonefish

    Your comments on Harry's review made reading that garbage worth every minute. "ski mask"...ha ha.

  • March 18, 2002, 9:25 p.m. CST

    HELLBOY ROLE-PLAYING GAME from SJG

    by Squashua

    Speaking of Hellboy, didja know a role-playing game was going to come out soon? Sure! It's over at Steve Jackson Games: http://www.sjgames.com/hellboy/

  • March 18, 2002, 9:40 p.m. CST

    If Harry were Lester Bangs, he might possibly get away with this

    by Billy Talent

    Unfortunately, Harry is likely the world's worst famous writer. As if Oz counselled the Cowardly Lion he could eat people, the Ol' Teddy Bear looks like he's coming apart at the seams. Showing its stuffings, so to say. It's kinda captivating in a crazy kinda way. Of course it's Harry's right to write whatsoever he likes, and in so doing reveal himself as the kind of an asshole no one likes. What sort of stuff do you figure the big guy's really got kickin' around inside that great big noggin of his?

  • March 18, 2002, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Hey,I can do a dirty movie review too!

    by Atlantis2001

    "A Beautiful Mind" review. This movie started off good.I was impressed by Russell Crowe's performance.It was so good it felt like a hot girl pulled down my pants, got down on her knees and pleasured me.It felt,I mean it was, so good.Oh,oh...oh yeah... oh yes...Russel Crowe's first half performance!!!!!...oh, oh,oh my god,I think I'm going to lose it...RUSSELL CROWE'S 1ST HALF PERFORMANCE!!!!!!!! OH YES!!!!!!!! Now then,as the movie went along,the chemistry between Crowe and Jennifer Connelly kept the movie moving strong.It was so good,it was like being at an orgy. An all nude,supermodel filled orgy where the supermodels were doing it with each other.And I'm naked too,and getting in on the action.Hmmmmmmm....ohhhhh... Crowe and Connelly's chemistry...yes,oh yes.Touch me there.But this movie fell apart in the 2nd half,and failed to recapture it's strong promise it had in the 1st half.It was like if you're a 17-year old and you're going to get some for the 1st time,and you start doing it with this hot girl,and it feels so good,and you're going at it and going at and then you start going at it too hard,and then you go too far and the girl stops, yells at you,puts on her clothes and leaves! Wait...don't go,baby! Get back here!!! Don't leave!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • March 18, 2002, 9:43 p.m. CST

    I'm getting stupider just responding to this.

    by The Continental

    Wow was that a stupid review. It seems as if alot of the guys have been phoning it in lately, what with Harry and the review minus any actual review, Herc's lack of spoilers on his Coax talkbacks, or hell even lacking the talk backs themselves until a day or so after the show. At least Moriarty is still on the ball. Granted he can wax poetic and ramble on with the best of them, but at least it wouldn't pass for anything Bob Guccione would want printed.

  • March 18, 2002, 9:44 p.m. CST

    P.S...

    by Atlantis2001

    I'm not a pervert people...I'm just trying to make a point.Just want to clear that up!

  • March 18, 2002, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Good show luiscypher

    by The Continental

    Holy shit luiscypher, that's the funniest damn thing I've read on this site in a while.

  • March 18, 2002, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Classy Harry...

    by bralli

    And to think I was going to buy your book... I think I'll just renew my subscription to EW instead. Maybe you should take the $54.34 in royalties you are going to get from your book and get a lap dance or something... Come on, your a semi-celebrity now. I'm sure there is some LOTR/crack-whore out there that will let you go down on her. At least your description of the act might be based on experience rather that what you masterbate to... P.S. Love your site!

  • March 18, 2002, 10:27 p.m. CST

    this is one of the FUNNIEST talkbacks i've come across in a

    by a goonie

    and another note, i wonder how Father Geek felt about reading this review. that is, IF he read it. i know it would gross the hell out of me if my son wrote something like that on his super-popular website. not that i have a son, but you know...

  • March 18, 2002, 10:40 p.m. CST

    Harry needed the deep dicking that Hellboy gave him.

    by HugoHeir

    Hey harry, nice article, it's cool that you can write this fucked up stuff and get away with it, but like the rest of these talkbakers, we'd like to see a review attached to it next time. Also, I thought I'd let you know that in some places, women will have sex with you for money. Think about it.

  • March 18, 2002, 11:25 p.m. CST

    all you fanboys who compare action scenes and fx shots in genre

    by Virgil Sollozzo

  • March 18, 2002, 11:31 p.m. CST

    Harry the Amateur

    by FormerFan01

    Am I offended by this review...no. I'm no prude so sex talk (or swearing) doesn't make me cover my ears. With that said, this has to be the most sophomoric, incoherent, nonsense "review" I've ever read. One thing that has always turned me off about this site is the inability for individuals to write reviews without cussing like drunken sailors. Do you think it's impressive? I stopped thinking swearing was cool in high school, Harry. You know, you have this blue box to the right here talking about your God-like power to delete people for being "jerkwad losers"...well, I wish I had a delete button for you and your lack of common sense and class. Films are amazing creations of a persons imagination, and I love a great film as much as the next fan - but your oral sex analogy is off the page ridiculous. It's something a 14 year old would write, then giggle about as his friends read it. I think it's time for those of us who appreciate real reviews from real movie fans (not fanboy industry-insiders) to take our valuable time elsewhere. Goodbye!

  • March 18, 2002, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Charming...

    by Theta

    Hey, Harry, why don't you get laid and write a straight review, instead of subjecting us to the above? Sorry, man, this is demanding too much.

  • March 19, 2002, 12:09 a.m. CST

    I get it! Harry hated the movie!

    by Petrov

    I agree with Harry. This movie does suck. I think most of the talkbacks miss his point. Harry likes his friend too much to just say the film sucked. So instead he went on this pornographic analogy to make the point. The whole review can be translated into "This movie sucked so bad I had to eat five tubs of buttered popcorn to get through it. I was so distressed at how my friend had made such a terrible movie that I began choking on the little kernels and Patch had to beat on me while Saffron performed the Heimlich. GOD IT SUCKED!!!" Thanks for saving me seven bucks Harry.

  • I just wanted to acknowledge that the "what Upcomigmovies.com would say" thing Jabba wrote was, quite frankly, quite clever. Admittedly, I don't find myself reading other people's "takes" on my writing style often, so maybe I am a bit prone to being fascinated by it, but I had to seriously think about it, thinking "wait a second... I didn't write that, did I?" Hmmm. I hope I'm not *that* predictable. Gah. Anyway, if I was supposed to be flattered by the mimickry, I was. Thanks. Now, as to Harry's review of Blade II... I don't really have anything to say, because I haven't seen it yet. I have, however, read the script, and I was surprised that Harry lavished all the credit for the film on Del Toro, because I thought it was one of the best action scripts I've read... ever. In particular, the Whistler/Scud banter reads as very funny... you *want* to see Kris Kristofferson saying these lines. Thus far, I've been a bit underwhelmed by what I've seen of Blade II... none of the teasers, trailers, images, etc. have wowed me the way that trailer for the first film did, or as you might know if you read my site a lot, *many* trailers, of all varieties, sometimes wow me. Of course, teasers are designed to wow you. That's why they're called teasers. They tease you into thinking an ultimately unsatisfying movie is worth working an hour or three of your day job for. The irony is that some of the best films have the worst trailers (my theory is that distributors with quality product on their hands feel they don't have to work as hard). Anyway, that's all off the subject, and given for free to the visitors of another guy's site. I must be feeling generous today. Or maybe I just figure getting some of my own writing out here on a well-trafficked TalkBack will win over a few more fans to a site I love working on. Geez, that sounds so contrived. The truth is... I just saw my site's name and thought "someone mentioned me!" Neat! Wee! Five years later in this crazy Internet business, and all of it still amazes me. What a small world this has become. To be reading something you think you have no relation to, and see yourself mentioned, and to be so amazed, you just have to respond. And a few hundred words later, here I am. There you go.

  • March 19, 2002, 1:18 a.m. CST

    Guillermo Del Toro's Swirling Tongue

    by junglejim

    Having barely recovered from the shudders of ecstasy the Blade 2 premiere has brought me to, this review was a nice attempt to try to get me there again, but Guillermo has spoiled me for anyone else Harry. This is your most right on review since your Cameron Diaz's swirling ass review. Your review is like a well placed clue in a thriller and as soon as the unbelievers see this film they will understand, go ahh, and layback and enjoy.

  • March 19, 2002, 1:34 a.m. CST

    Harry Knowles: The Crack-Whore Pt.1 The Lameness Begins

    by nazismasher

    ... so goes the life of the obese and pathetic. I think I've read better creative writing on the walls of bathroom stalls.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:07 a.m. CST

    Hey, ShadowInc...

    by GimliMcGimpy

    ... you're an insensitive bastard. Didn't you know Harry's mom fucking died when he was a teen. Accidentally set the house on fire and went down with it. I think Big Red's mentioned it in at least 4-dozen reviews, if you ever paid attention. And whoever said TalkBackers have the power and not Harry... you're an idiot too. Almost all the troll talkbackers here are idiots, and they don't have half the connections and advanced infor that Harry has. I'd call that some power. Or at least some means of keeping on the pulse of Hollywood. Moreso that all you asses. Why do you all come here if you hate it so much anyway? Really? The man gave you plenty of warning, and you know he does sick shit like this most of the time. You complaining babies are either mongoloid idiots or annoying masochists. Go away and leave the fun people alone.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:34 a.m. CST

    walkin' down talkback memory lane...

    by Ambrose Chappell

    My favorite talkback ever was for a cool news post two years ago about a possible Transformers movie. Everyone just seemed to band together with love for that project. It was great: talkbackers shared memories of childhoods spent playing with Transformer toys, thoughts on what the movie would look like, and who would be their dream actors to do the voices. There were even some talkbackers that were setting up trades of taped episodes of the tv series. I might be wrong, but I don't remember there being any negative posts on that article. Reading through a talkback like this one just makes me long for times when geeks have all been on the same page about a project. I miss the happy times, guys.

  • March 19, 2002, 4:47 a.m. CST

    Ambrose...

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    ...the thing I remember about that Transformers TalkBack (from late '99, if I recall correctly...) was one poster who had this pretty sweet idea for a teaser trailer for a live-action TF flick. It involved a BMW-commercial-style long shot of two cars racing each other down a long country road (like the Autobahn, perhaps,) then a tree crashes down on the road in front of them, and instead of swerving or crashing into it, the two cars immediately transform into their robot "selves", hop over the thing, run a few more steps, then transform back into cars and race past the camera. I still think that is one hell of a clever idea. Hell, even if the movie never gets made, I'd give anything just to see such a trailer. ;-) Oh... and to remain on topic, Harry has now offically made me lose any desires I had to see Blade 2, or to have oral sex ever again.

  • March 19, 2002, 5:11 a.m. CST

    OK, I couldn't help myself... if you want to visit TalkBacks

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    ... check out http://aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=8054 and http://aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=4991 . It certainly has balls all to do with Blade 2, but Ambrose just got me thinking about it. Back in the days before my name graduated to the iconic, all-caps presentation it now enjoys... ah, my youth.

  • March 19, 2002, 5:31 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the links, LIGHTSTORMER

    by Ambrose Chappell

    I think that whole talkback of geek togetherness can be summed up with a post Niiiice made with the subject heading "You're all right."

  • March 19, 2002, 6:16 a.m. CST

    Okay, this is just gross

    by johncage

    Hi there. This review, if you want to call it that, was really in poor taste. I think I'm going to vomit just thinking of the, uh, metaphor AND Harry Knowles. Okay. I'm sick now. Thanks for that. Have a good day then, I suppose. John Cage http://get.to/spidey

  • March 19, 2002, 6:26 a.m. CST

    LlGHTST0RMER, I totally remember that Transformer trailer idea t

    by Ambrose Chappell

    It was a sweet idea. And, man, that picture Harry posted sure was cool too (even if it wasn't official). Wow...think of all that has happened in the world of geekdom since that posting back in '99. We have new Star Wars and Lord of the Rings movies. The world's a good place to live in.

  • March 19, 2002, 6:37 a.m. CST

    If Kevin Smith Wrote This It Would Have Been Funnny.

    by da bomb18

    Whereas Harold just comes across like a dirty pervert,the sort of person who really would spack themselves off in a cinema.Anyway Blade 2 sounds good,however i lack excitment,the fat bugger stole it all with that Episode 2 review.

  • March 19, 2002, 7:02 a.m. CST

    You pack Cunts !!!!!!!

    by Karnov

    Fer chissake! The one thing that distinguishes this site is its CHARACTER. I come here to read reviews that are not transcribed from press kits. Harry is unabashed and unapologetic in his running of the site as an outlet for his passion for film, sometimes his passion is, well, extreme but hey he at least writes an intresting review. To the moral majoritarians "insulted on behalf of women" SHUT THE FUCK UP, you could proberbly learn a thing or two from re-reading the review.......... Bitches

  • March 19, 2002, 8:01 a.m. CST

    To All Those Who Liked This Review

    by JmyStwrt

    Its obvious how old you all are, since your defense of Harry's abysmal review usually involves just as much profanity and "cool" slang like "numbnuts." In any case, please realize that this is not an attack on free speech by prudish old men, rather, this is disapproval of some of the poorest writing I have ever seen on this site and a plea to actually review the movie. AICN is going downhill.

  • March 19, 2002, 9:10 a.m. CST

    I didn't know that Al Goldstein...

    by ajy1

    writes reviews for this site! I think Harry should leave the sex stuff out and give us the real meat: the review itself. I think I'm going to skip lunch today.

  • March 19, 2002, 10:53 a.m. CST

    To a movie reviewer that does not, in fact, review the movie...

    by CorranHorn

    Mr. Knowles, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone at this page is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  • March 19, 2002, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Harry needs to watch Almost Famous a few times.

    by SmackAttack

    I wasn't offended, I was just didn't want to risk visualizing anything further down the page. This review is simply disturbing. I love ya Harry, but I don't really care (sorry) how buddy buddy you are with Del Toro. I don't really care, furthermore, how he performs oral. This is hands down the worst review I have ever read for a film. What are you becoming, Harry? Don't forget your roots as first and foremost an unbiased critic of a world-wide industry. It seems like you are allowing yourself to be sucked in . . . I think you need to watch Almost Famous a few more times.

  • March 19, 2002, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Harry, you are a fucking pig

    by Jar Jar Boinks

    Harry, you are a fucking disgusting and infantile frat-boy pig. Figures you'd masturbate in your own lack of creativity, so proud of yourself. Do us a favor, take ten bucks outta your promotional miscellaneous expenses purse and get a whore to give you a blowjob, ferfucksake. It's pretty obvious you have difficulty getting laid -- and perhaps with your fat gut interfering, your arms aren't long enough to stroke yourself --but why do you feel the perverted need to advertise it...? Save us all the embarrassment and pay for a hooker, okay? Loser.

  • March 19, 2002, 12:27 p.m. CST

    If the movie experience was akin to cunnilingus, your review is

    by Yojimbo Jones

    Hey Harry, why don't you just go to a strip club, undress yourself in front of the stage and scream, "I haven't been laid in seven years!!!" You'd probably get the same reaction as you get from your sophomoronic Blade 2 review -- people laughing at you. Spare us. Go take your tongue, shove it up del Toro's ass, and start rotating. Up and down, back & forth, left and right, and be sure to hit the taint, you sick fuck log-rolling piece of shit sell-out scumbag.

  • March 19, 2002, 12:38 p.m. CST

    BLADE II

    by ajw456

    I was already anxious to see this flick, but now I am totally psyched! I pity those fools who are so obsessed with nonsensical details of FANTASY movies that they can not allow themselves to get lost in the adventure and ENJOY! Who cares whether Whistler's comeback explanation is water tight or not? What matters is, is the movie more fun, more entertaining with him? If so, then just enjoy and shut yer fuckin pie hole! Whattaya-a fuckin private eye or sumtin'-more likely just a dick. Anyway, I have loved Blade from the first moment, and have awaited this sequel with great anticipation. I am thrilled that the first reviews I have seen are so extraordinarily positive. I AM FUCKIN PUMPED!! See ya in "the front row"!!!

  • March 19, 2002, 12:48 p.m. CST

    WORST ...REVIEW...EVER.

    by Furious George

    I honestly don't think I'll ever bother to read another one of this dipshit's reviews. I'll stick with Moriarity, and some of the people who might have actually seen a pussy in real life. P.S. I think Harry wants a vagina, and he wants Del Toro to eat him out. What a fucking loser. And his comments on 'Clones" - best Star Wars movie ever... oh my god, it's Wild Wild West all over again.

  • March 19, 2002, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Let's set the record straight...

    by quiscustodiet

    The firste ammendment as it stands in the United States is worded in such a way that the government cannot sponsor a law that will restrict the right of any individual to say what they like. End of conversation. To disagree with someone who has written something like this tasteless piece of garbage is not a condemnation of the first ammendment, it's using their right to free speech to counter-act this sort of thing, to allow their ideas to represent their views and hopefully change minds. I am not offended by this review, I am sickened by it. I am sickened because people think this is daring or this is cutting edge. It's not. It hasn't expanded how we view journalism and it hasn't introduced a new style into the genre, it's just bad writing covering up for bad thought procces because Harry wanted to be seen as cool again. Sorry, Harry, leave stream of consciousness stuff to those who have the mental capacity for it and the ability to reference outside of movies, sex or the famous people they know! (BTW, and you called me fucking retarded, thanks! Your opinion now means so much after this review!)

  • March 19, 2002, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Not funny. Not offensive. Just downright STUPID.

    by Mr. Wednesday

    Not that this site ever had anything approaching journalistic integrity, but um....This is sad even for this dirt rag.

  • March 19, 2002, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Did I miss something?

    by abihu

    Other than a couple of very freaky and visually interesting scenes -- namely the opening disco-turned-vampire-bloodbath and the vampire-execution-at-daybreak scenes -- I felt that Blade was a pretty mediocre movie at best. Now there's a sequel?Reading this review, you'd think he'd seen the Second Coming while getting a blow job. I'll have to see it to believe it.

  • March 19, 2002, 1:40 p.m. CST

    MOST VICIOUS...TALKBACK...EVER

    by Ambrose Chappell

    Seriously. It's JUST a movie review.

  • March 19, 2002, 1:51 p.m. CST

    would the Bloom County Picayune have printed this article?

    by durhay

    Of course not - The Sunday Morning Muffin Club would have cancelled their subscription.

  • March 19, 2002, 1:56 p.m. CST

    that's just gross

    by chiknfriedelfsac

    Hearing one big fat guy talk about another big fat guy eating pussy...shudders. Anybody who knows how to eat pussy knows you don't start right on the clit btw, obviously someone needs some schooling in that area.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Harry is a fat idiot

    by Darth Stern

    That was the most insanely idiotic review I have ever read. We are al dumber for having read it. Harry is awarded no points and may God have mercy on his soul.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:21 p.m. CST

    I know I've already said this...

    by LesterB

    But if you don't like it, THEN DON'T FUCKING READ IT. HOW HARD IS THAT? You know what I've noticed? The talkbacks are beginning to be taken over by nothing but TROGLODYTES WHO SEEM TO THINK THAT HARRY HAS SOME KIND OF FUCKING OBLIGATION TO THEM. And you know something else? Someone brought up half a good point earlier. If Kevin Smith had written this, you would all be creaming over it like it was an original copy of the Gospel. Anybody who thinks that ain't the truth is a FUCKING HYPOCRITE. But noooo, Harry wrote it, and it's a little different from his usual style ... oh yeah ... and hes a little on the heavy side, so he isn't allowed to write the word "pussy". I'll let you in on a little secret, gang: Harry probably gets more of it than any of YOU have in recent months. I don't know what's happened here. Seems like ever since Harry hit it big, his fan base has become a bunch of SNIVELLING, JEALOUS LITTLE SHITS who have nothing better to do than PICK THEIR PATHETIC, HOG-LIKE SNOUTS AND CRITICIZE EVERYTHING HARRY DOES TO DEATH AND SWEAR UP AND DOWN AND OVER AND OVER THAT THEY'RE SICK OF HARRY'S STARFUCKER ATTITUDE ... and then guess what they do, kids? THEY COME BACK THE VERY NEXT FUCKING DAY AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. You know why? Because they can't let Harry, seemingly a geek like any other, succeed. Because they've been talking for months about how much better they are than Harry, and how Harry's a fat starfucking moron who can't write. But now the fat starfucking moron's written a book, which is a whole hell of a lot more than ALL OF YOU HAVE MANAGED TO DO LIVING IN YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE, DIGGING THROUGH A BAG OF ROLD GOLD PRETZELS, DOWNLODING ANIME, AND PLAYING YOUR COMPUTER ROLEPLAYING GAMES. Here's the truth, deal with it and face it: Harry has gotten ahead. And you haven't. And that makes you jealous, so you mock him and get RIDICULOUSLY INDIGNANT over some naughty words that, if written by anyone who didn't look like Harry, would have been praised as a creative idea for a review! Seriously people ... if you want to be taken seriously, the last thing you should do is cite Harry's physical appearance as an argument against this review. When you do that, you reveal just HOW PETTY YOU PATHETIC PEOPLE REALLY ARE. That's all. Harry, write whatever the fuck you want, man. It's your site. Peace out.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Xmen2-needs-a-full-CGI-Colossus

    by Xmen2-needs-a-fu

    Maybe they can speed up the film during the car scenes like they did in the first blade movie so it looks like the old batman tv shows. Did any of you notices that? LAME! as for the review, uh was there a review? All I read was a weak attempt at humor or porn I couldnt tell which.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:43 p.m. CST

    "BITCHES... LEAVE!"

    by Ruby_Rod

    Seriously. Leave. Go to another website and leave Aintitcool for people who enjoy movies and aren't uptight. Reviews like this one are why I love Harry and why this is one of my favorite sites. You know what? Harry is 100% punk fucking rock, as much a credit to Austin as the Butthole Surfers or the Motards. If this totally inoffensive, but funny as hell review offends you, you should be getting your movie news from Zap2it. Keep up the good work, Harry. Ignore the player-hating little kids who look for any excuse to bust your balls. Don't play it safe... strut your goddamn stuff. We grown-ups love it.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:51 p.m. CST

    where's the review?

    by staley

    PS - I'm gonna fucking puke.

  • March 19, 2002, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Blade 2

    by DoJoTy

    Aside from Harry's basically repulsive, incoherent review, I think he and Father Geek have been spending too much as friends with Guillermo Del Toro to objectively talk about his movie. As Guillermo essentially said at the premiere (which I attended), he set out to make a movie that was "fun." Well, it was certainly a hell of a rollercoaster ride with some amazing, eerie, and over-the-top sequences and a lot to recommend. But it wasn't as much fun as I hoped it would be. The script was weak and full of holes, and there was not a single character that you could relate to, or even sympathize with. Everyone is so pissed, so bad-ass, so inhuman (in fact, there's only about one-and-a-half humans in the entire picture -- it takes place entirely in a world of vampires), that you cannot relate to them at all. "Blade 2" ultimately has the distance and monotony of a video game. Del Toro can certainly do action, and do it well, coupled with some incredible visuals and colors, but I like his "quiet" horror way better.

  • March 19, 2002, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Why is it that Harry's defenders need to resort to name call

    by quiscustodiet

    ...of people who don't agree with them. Can't you simply defend him and move on but this calling of people "bitches" "cunts" and other debasing terms is not helping the cause any. Let's hear a solid well written article defending this article!

  • March 19, 2002, 3:12 p.m. CST

    You wanna know why we call names?

    by LesterB

    Because it's the only way to make yourself heard around here. If you write a nice, polite article asking everyone to let Harry run his site his way and point out the blatant envy and hypocrisy evident in the posts that blast him ... well, you get ignored. If, however, you SCREAM AT THE TOP OF YOUR FUCKING LUNGS that ALL YOU JERK-OFFS need to BACK THE FUCK OFF OF BIG RED, you might just get heard. Besides, I like to piss off the people who whine about Harry's "filthy, low-class review" by continuing to be filthy and low-class. They're just words, people. They've only got power if you give it to them. See my point? I mean, if you want to have an intelligent conversation, you're in the wrong place if you're on a talkback anyway.

  • March 19, 2002, 3:17 p.m. CST

    So, quiscustodiet...

    by LesterB

    Why are YOU here if you find Harry so disgusting? Explain. This should be fascinating.

  • And why was my previous TB removed? Its not as if I said said anything remotely as bad as whats already out there. Just its not big, its not clever, and its not hard.

  • March 19, 2002, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Hey ... too many Oliver Stone pics for wak15...

    by LesterB

    I'm waiting for someone smart to come along and knock me on my ass ... c'mo. If you're one of the jackasses who knocked Harry, I want to hear from you. Bring it on, folks. I'll answer as many as I can.

  • March 19, 2002, 3:53 p.m. CST

    useless tripe

    by loki t. dog

  • March 19, 2002, 3:55 p.m. CST

    That was a fucking REVIEW?!?!!

    by Love's Bit-ka

    How the fuck can you call that incoherent and immature babbling a review of Blade 2?! Plot? Characters? Your opinion on the film? Where were ANY of these staples of movie reviews?! No, instead Harry gives us a few hundred words on going down on a woman (which, let's face it, he's never actually done). Plus, how can you even compare the amazing act of giving oral sex to a woman with watching a fucking movie (yeah, even Blade 2). Geez, get a life, you tubby bitch...

  • March 19, 2002, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Just because Harry is the worlds fattest virgin why does that me

    by JackBurton

    I mean come on, I doubt the guy knows what "pussy" (and what a marvelously 12 year old word that is) either smells or feels like, let alone that he has any idea about "going down"...I mean lets face it, the guys knees couldn't handle the damn pressure anyways. Besides which, didn't this place used to be a movie site? I mean sure Harry's reviews have always been stupidly over the top and poorly written at the best of times, but this truly is a new low. Does anyone really want to see this kind of shit on tv spewing from his face in technicolor? Didn't think so.

  • March 19, 2002, 4:34 p.m. CST

    LesterB

    by SmackAttack

    I'm not out to start fights. I'm not out to swear. I just want to know what makes this review worth reading. Because its different than any other review? Because it dares to get raunchy? Because it was completely unexpected, and therefore should be praised? I read part of it because I read most of the articles posted on the site. I did stop after the second paragraph. Quite simply, I don't feel that Harry and Co. owe me anything. But I do believe, however, that a web site as popular as AICN has a responsiblity to at least appear credible to it's readers.

  • March 19, 2002, 4:56 p.m. CST

    my first and last visit to AICN

    by chgochick

    Wow, I mean WOW! Hubby has been yowling about this site for weeks now and sent me the link to this (generously labelled) review this morning. Why? perhaps because we want to see Blade II, perhaps because he knows I enjoy brave audaciously written screeds, and perhaps because I have earned my living as a pornographer and might be amused. I'm not. It is just sad and pathetic to obfuscate any possible information or opinions about an upcoming movie with pretentious and trite sexual analogies. Enduring this pre-pubescent drivel thinly masked as a movie review has decreased my desire for both the film in question and pornography for at least a few weeks. If by some bizarre twist of fate the sexual invocations described here really are part and parcel of the Blade II experience then when I do experience them it will only be diminished and polluted by these barely coherent rambling unfortunately stuck now in the neurotransmitters of my brain cells. Too bad for my hubby, because for sending me here he won't get the sexual invocations that he otherwise would have enjoyed this week. This hawking gobshite has sprained my libido for at least a fortnight.

  • March 19, 2002, 5:18 p.m. CST

    NEEDED: ONE VOLUNTEER TO FUCK FATASS HARRY KNOWLES

    by adrianmole

    Jesus ... Would one female of the species please make the ultimate sacrifice and fuck this geekboy virgin before he explodes into one big smelly pile of jizz

  • March 19, 2002, 5:22 p.m. CST

    chgochick, I don't know what you're in, but it's not

    by SmackAttack

    Excuse me, but "screeds" and "obfuscate?" Aren't those just buzzowrds that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. (pause) I'm fired, aren't I? ;)

  • March 19, 2002, 5:27 p.m. CST

    In my excitement to post a message, I typed a word to fast. chan

    by SmackAttack

  • March 19, 2002, 5:54 p.m. CST

    All of you are limited.

    by KJAY

    That review was excellent: interesting, well written and it offers a response to a film. Those are the most basic elements of a 'good' film review. I'm not sure what else you want. If you prefer that a review not use sexual descriptions read Roger Ebert, and you can also make fun of his weight while you are at it because that certainly is a valid criticism of a film review. No, it really is: feel free to use someone's weight against them because you disagree with what they write. That makes perfect sense. Also, to denounce someone because of what is essentially a stylistic choice: simply another way of relaying information and impression is limited. You may also want to travel back in time so that you can settle North America with the Puritans. There were fewer interesting movie reviews then and you may be less offended. Sincerely, kjay

  • March 19, 2002, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Oy...you know, when someone hits 30, that person has had sex at

    by Lenny Nero

    Think about the logic in that. Hell, I've seen people much worse than Harry get laid, mainly trailer trash people who weigh more than even Harry. Everyone's bound to get laid sooner or later. Harry is a horny bastard, I agree, but I'm assuming he has had pussy. Uhm...yeah. that's all

  • March 19, 2002, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Responses pt. 1

    by LesterB

    SmackAttack: Harry has no responsibility to you or the rest of us. You choose to come here. You choose to read the reviews. Period. Popularity has nothing to do with it. If it did, I would have the right to demand forty dollars from Arnold Schwarzenegger, since I thought his last five flicks sucked. But I don't ask that, since I CHOSE to see the film, and I CHOSE to watch it.

  • March 19, 2002, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Shade...

    by LesterB

    You're not worth a response. You could learn something from SmackAttack and Ebonic Plague about at least TRYING.

  • March 19, 2002, 7:18 p.m. CST

    Ebonic Plague....

    by LesterB

    Okay, this is the kind of response I like to see. Measured, intelligent, good enough to almost shut me up. Sadly, it wasn't quite enough. I think, EP, you misunderstand my point. Either that or I misrepresented it, which is entirely plausible given how pissed I was after reading the general response to the review. What pisses me off isn't what's being said, it's the childish way people are saying it. Calling Harry a big fat, pathetic, starfucking virgin is unintelligent, not to mention hypocritical. If you hate him so much, stop patronizing his site. It's ungrateful and sad. It's morons like this that give the rest of us Internet folks a bad name. Now ... do they have the right to say it? Of course, but when they do, they'd better be ready to expect the same treatment they give Harry from me.

  • March 19, 2002, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Couldn't live without Ain't It Cool News, eh, ebonic pla

    by CoolDan989

    I gotta hand it to ya though, you're pretty gutsy to come back here after being banned (And I honestly don't know why they did that)

  • March 19, 2002, 8:16 p.m. CST

    LesterB... you are the man now, dog!

    by PattyOGreen

    Dude... you're fucking awesome for being the unrelenting true fan. And actually, to all you who take so much energy and time and emotion to shout and scream and piss your pants about what Harry writes, just think about this - he probably just reads all your whiney little posts and laughs his ass off, then goes and looks at his bank account again. You do know that every time you come here, he makes money, right? I'd find nothing in life more highly amusing than people paying me to bitch about whatever the hell I choose to put up on the bandwidth I owned. Me, though... I'm happy to be putting money in Harry's coffers. He's simply one-of-a-kind on the net. As is this site.

  • March 19, 2002, 8:28 p.m. CST

    Harry you fat bastard ...

    by Raptorman101

    you need to get your self a life!

  • March 19, 2002, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Harry "jumped the shark" long ago.

    by eraser_x

    Now he's jumping entire herds of whales. Man, I only visit this site now about once every few weeks, just to check up on the current state of decay of Harry and his site. I think I need to cut back even further. As one of my favorite columnists is fond of saying, "stick a fork in him, he's DONE." By the way, I've long ago concluded that Harry is an unlikeable person, who is becoming less and less inhibited about revealing his true, boring, unappealing self. Oh well, I guess this post may get me banned. Whatever.

  • March 19, 2002, 11:23 p.m. CST

    a further response, what came first, the Del Torro, or Harry?

    by SmackAttack

    Is this even worth debating about? I have one opinion, you have another. Neither of us are changing our minds. One thing is certain, however. If Harry has the right to post this review, we have the right to tell him whats wrong or right with it as consumers of his product. Its basic economics. Cheers.

  • March 20, 2002, 4:03 a.m. CST

    a retraction

    by something001

    My previous post was a personal attack, my apologies Harry.

  • March 20, 2002, 4:29 a.m. CST

    not very funny, Harry

    by winky

    My young son and I enjoy your website and like to read about the reviews and comments from other fans. But this review about such a pornographic film is very disappointing to me. Plus such a dirty review format. We thought you were a christian Harry what happened to decency and values? Plese be careful in the future because young eyes are watching and respect you. Your their hero for Gods sake.

  • March 20, 2002, 4:30 a.m. CST

    You can all kiss my chocolate starfish!

    by Karnov

    Oh grow up people, it amazes me that folks that interested enough to read about an R rated movie are so shocked by this review, it sickens me that there is so little defence of Harry in this forum filled with people that come specifically to this site, people that I would have imagined 'got' this site and the ethos that runs it. There seems, particularly in talkback, a large number or twats that exist just to knock people for the sake of hearing their own self important opinions. Well FUCK YOU ALL, FUCK YOU IN YOUR STUPID ASSES. It smack of creatively frustrated jealous net nerds that wish their sad little fan sites to Star Wars were so popular. Why else the outpouring of hatred? If you are unoffended and think it is a bad review click on something else, why do you care. As I mentioned before, I come to this site to read reviews that are not transcribed from press kits. Frankly I often don't trust Harry's reviews as a barometer of whether a film is worth seeing or not, they tend to be I ADORE THIS FILM! or I HATE THIS FILM WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING, but, I am constantly entertained by them. Or more particularly by the enthusiasm Harry displays for film, his passion for it which seems totally undiminished by the constant knocking of looses like the negative posters to this forum. Do you people even remember when you didn't sit around with that cynical expression on your face sneering at every honest emotion expressed by anyone. Frankly I applaud Harry who despite knowing better is still willing to go out on a limb and make a fool of himself. To SmackAttack, YOU should watch Almost Famous a few more times, I think the message of the movie was clearly that there is no journalistic integrity or distance possible when you are that close to your subject, so all you can do is write honestly about your experience of it, and Harry is the current king of gonzo journalism. It is also so typically American, give me all the gut wrenching descriptions of violence I can handle from a movie but don't mention s**. If you are offended by the review, fuck off and go rent Mary Poppins and stop reading this site and reviews of R rated movies. Here endith the lesson. PS You Go LesterB!!!

  • March 20, 2002, 4:43 a.m. CST

    Leave the guy alone

    by FieldCommanderH

    Anyone that really knows how to eat pussy knows what Harry was going for here. The metaphor was used to underscore his enthusiam for the film and Del Torro's abilities as a director, not to turn himself or anyone else on. And to say that he's a virgin and has never eaten pussy just because he is fat is ridiculous - there are plenty of fat chicks out there for christsakes and, like all women, they need a liitle licking now and then.

  • March 20, 2002, 5:04 a.m. CST

    You all act like some f***ing net police!!

    by rubycon

    I've been visiting this site once a day in like 4 or 5 years. In the beginning it was just some movie-geeks discussing film, but now there are all sorts of people here. But please remember...your here on Harry's conditions. You can't just come in here and scream and rant just because you don't like it. Is that so hard to understand? It's like running into a grocery-store and then scream and yell when you find a rack of anal vibrators. This is a movie-geek site. And we love it! We love Harry! Hope I made my point, even though my english isn't very strong.

  • March 20, 2002, 5:07 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 Review

    by Brock Linehan

    I think this whole debacle can be repaired if you agree to castration Harry. I'll volunteer happily if i'm forced to read that garbage you posted as a film review for a second time. Does your father find you amusing?

  • March 20, 2002, 5:51 a.m. CST

    Dude wheres our Review?

    by jak flash 2000

    Harry, this is like no review I have ever read. I live by the words unorthadox but effective. This is unorthadox and nothing more. You barely even spoke about the film. I hope Harry that you will re-review this film as this tells us next to nothing. This is like the Charlies Angels Cameron Diazs butt review. Less sex and more reviewing please Harry.

  • March 20, 2002, 6:31 a.m. CST

    winky, you're hilarious!

    by PattyOGreen

    Harry, a good Christian fellow??? HA! Yeah, I'm I'm the fucking Pope herself... And honestly, I think, if Harry is the least bit Christian at all, he is a good one. So he explains the act of oral pleasure? So what? It is forplay which is used in going forth and being fruitful, which Christians do promote, by the way. Also... he is able to daily read these and forgive ALL THESE ASSHOLES that tell him how to run his own website and personally insult him day in and day out. Now, isn't that just good and Christian of him? You should think about forgiving him for offending you... that way you'd be practicing good Christianity too! (Ahh... i do love Bill Hicks so...)

  • March 20, 2002, 6:57 a.m. CST

    Sadness amongst the orgasms

    by DannyOcean01

    Now that's is a line. I've just been sexually educated. Thanks Harry.

  • March 20, 2002, 7:19 a.m. CST

    Oh and well said LesterB

    by DannyOcean01

  • March 20, 2002, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Just a thought

    by Night_Trekker

    Couldn't a lot of time be saved on inevitable talkback posts if "IT'S JUST A MOVIE!" was printed in large, attention-drawing letters at the top or something? Yeah, I'm sure no one's ever thought of that before :P

  • March 20, 2002, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Hey LesterB

    by quiscustodiet

    First off, power to you for proving that, despite the fact that you use foul language and call people names, you can write a well thought out response. My response to your question is simply that you can defend Harry all you like but try and defend this piece of rubbish review without resorting to those tactics.BTW, I never attacked Harry personally, he started that a long time ago with me by calling me fucking retarded for disagreeing with him about Sam Hamm's original script for Batman. Harry does some great things but this sure as hell ain't one of them. This was a brutal review that does nothing to make me want, or not want, to see the film. It has little to do with the graphic nature of the review but the fact that Harry hung on to a lousy metaphor and rode it through into a lousy review simply because (I assume) he thought it was cool. It told us nothing of the movie, it told us very little about acting, and definitely very little about what he thought of the film. Mentally, it was a disgusting picture, yes, but my problem is that it was wholly unneccesary. And, for the record, my personal hero is Hunter Thompson so I do "get" sex, drugs, etc. as metaphors if they are done well!

  • March 20, 2002, 10:58 a.m. CST

    This was unexpected...

    by tucson

    ...and very disappointing (actually, it made my skin crawl). I have a good stash of bookmarks for feelthy pictures and writings from the net, and I think Harry's work here is far better suited for one of those venues. Here, it was just very smarmy.

  • March 20, 2002, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Harry would give himeself head if he could.

    by SWrules

    This is my first time in talk-back and I should say Harry's rant's (I don't consider them reviews)are totally fucking pathetic. His writing is embarassing to even read. I felt like a total moron after reading it. I have not read many of his reviews but the one's I have totally unimpressed me. You people that enjoy his writing need to read Kael or someone who can actually write a "real" review. That reviewer in EW is on the ball about him and this is only talkback where I am finding myself agree with everyone else about the subject in particular Harry; when the subject should be the movie. I am never reading another one of his reviews again, if I want to read porno I'll buy Penthouse. You dipshit Harry.

  • March 20, 2002, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Who wouldn't

    by rubycon

  • March 20, 2002, 12:22 p.m. CST

    I agree, rubycon

    by Ambrose Chappell

    Who wouldn't.

  • March 20, 2002, 1:16 p.m. CST

    What a way to treat a friend, Harry

    by moviezzz

    Harry, if Del Toro is such a good friend of yours, why write such a childish, immature, and just plain embarassing review? Doesn't he deserve better? After the dreadful MIMIC, Del Toro could have a mainstream hit here, yet your review would scare off any possible interest in it. I liked your book, but c'mon. This sort of writing should be left to Kevin Smith who can at least make it funny.

  • March 20, 2002, 2 p.m. CST

    You're Fuckin' Sick Harry

    by CharlieTupperman

    The title says it all. I come on here to read reviews about movies, not to have a picture of Harry Knowles in my head performing oral pleasures on a woman.... ugh... I feel sick to my tummy. Next time you post a review like this.... actually, let me rephrase that... 'Please never write a review like that again'. That is all.

  • March 20, 2002, 2:22 p.m. CST

    Pathetic, childish, and the worst review I have ever read

    by TheTZA

    I didn't find it offensive or anything I just thought it was terrible and embarassing. I've never liked Harry's arrogant and immature reviews ("yeah this film was fucking kick ass fucking the shit and i wanted to fuck the girl she was so hot oooh im hard and wanna cum ooh fuck shit cock blah blah") and stopped coming to this site for a couple of months but a friend told me about this poor Blade 2 review so I thought I should indulge. Was that "metaphor" supposed to be funny and cool? Are we supposed to now accept you as an adult who has sexual experience? Well maybe you did finally eat some pussy - who cares? What does it have to do with Blade 2? Your attempt at a witty review offered us no insight whatsoever into the fill, but rather your sexually repressed and simple-minded head. I've gotta admit, whilst my experience in giving girls head is limited (I'm selfish!) I can honestly say that no film has come close to the act in comparison. And maybe you should take this criticsm (from all of us) Harry because this was an awful and pathetic review and you need to grow up and learn how to write something coherent. P.S. Don't bother banning me because if we aren't allowed to post feedback then what is the point in having this service. P.P.S. The talkback section is the only good thing about this site, the reviewers are usually so far up their own asses you can't even tell if they like the films or not. And go to my site if you're bored - www.dobbyslies.0catch.com

  • March 20, 2002, 4:14 p.m. CST

    movie reviews in general

    by LoudmouthCracker

    Overall, I don't come to AICN for movie reviews--at least, not for Harry's--because I'd as soon not read sixteen paragraphs about how his day went before getting to the two paragraphs explaining how awesome the movie was because of its special effects. For the most part, I come here for information rather than opinion, although once in a while something will catch my eye and I'll find myself clicking on a link to read a review. Did I like the review? Not really. Is it that big of a deal to me? Not really. But I do have to stick up for Harry when people start talking shit about the man's sex life or alleged lack thereof. Lots of fat guys get laid; this is a historically-proven fact. If fat guys didn't get laid, there wouldn't be any more fat guys, now would there? I can think of several of Harry's traits that are more worthy of criticism than his weight. The fact that people have to harp almost entirely on that aspect demonstrates not only a lack of creativity, but the same lack of maturity that these people are applying to Harry, as well. Personally, I'd say that Harry's got a problem with his mastery of the English language, but so do 99% of the talkbackers. Why single Harry out? Next, I'd say that Harry has a problem with objectivity--he has little. By the same token, though, find me a well-known and influential film critic who IS completely objective. So while I have certain problems with Harry's reviews, they're not things that I can ride Harry's--and only Harry's--ass about. So who gives a damn? All movie reviews are pretty worthless, and that's why I don't go out of my way to read them.

  • March 20, 2002, 4:31 p.m. CST

    BOFFO review, Harry! And it has never been easier to spot the vi

    by Trav McGee

    You know exactly who y'all are. That's right--we know! Now EVERYBODY knows! And some of you apparent virgins may actually just be nonvirginal complete prudes, which is just sad. The worst of y'all, however, are both, prude virgins--and let me tell you, your fearful, hateful reaction to this review may be of the cause OR the effect of your virginity (no blanket solution for all losers). Kind of a chicken-and-egg thing, maybe. But all those types mean exactly the same thing: non-pussy eaters (or the never-properly-eaten). That's just from the subject lines--no way I'm gonna bother reading the posts. Far too depressing. (To those for-whatever-reason virgins who genuinely enjoyed and appreciated Harry's humor and gist, I apologize.) If this review gets even half of you underdeveloped, inexperienced perpetual-pre-adults (of any age) to leave in a huff and never return, I'll be that much more thankful for it. ...Great review, Harry! Even if it was mostly intended to crack up your friend Guillermo (and I bet it did), it covered what any review should. It was honest about your closeness to the filmmaker, then laid out (heh, oops a pun) in a colorful and effective metaphor how the flick succeeds via its pacing and teasing and payoff for the willing audience. Told us what we can expect, wothout divulging the things we SHOULDN'T expect. All without dropping spoilers or rehashing the plot. Sold ME a ticket, and I'm bringing my well-eaten girlfriend, too! If the review has one flaw, Harry, I'd have to say it's in your choosing a working metaphor for which most of your readers have no point of reference. Ya can't laugh with a joke ya don't get.

  • March 20, 2002, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Lots of Blade 2 ads on this site.

    by larva

    But still, no movie is like sex.

  • March 20, 2002, 4:54 p.m. CST

    What's the beef?

    by ajw456

    DAMN! Some folks would fuck up a wet dream! Now, don't misunderstand me, I have read betrer reviews, it's not like I'm in love with this one, but as one TB'er mentioned (or rather whined) it doesn't tell anything about the movie. In my opinion, that is what a review should be about. Unless one has a need to sit in the theatre and spout re what's about to happen, a revies should not tell you what happened in the movie. I prefer to be shocked, especially when I'm kickin damn near 10 buck a head to see it. But there are those windbags with low self esteem that have some pitiful belief that by having the "inside info" on a premiering flick makes them somebody. That is pathetic. Why, anybody that had several hours a day to waste surfin through various movie review/preview websites could do the same.What qualifies that in making you significant? My plea to you is that you get a life, maybe don't go to the movies for 6 months or so and tweak your sanity. You need a reality check! The review satisfied my need to know if it was worth watching from an action/horror perspective-Harry's review told me - it's worth watching-JOB WELL DONE AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! And by the way-IGNORE ALL ASSHOLES.

  • March 20, 2002, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Trav McGee...your logic frightens me.

    by CoolDan989

    You don't need to be a virgin to know perverted and disgusting content when you see it. That kind of stuff is not a "joke", it's just a case of being very explicit, stuff that you're not supposed to find funny most of the time. And God have mercy on your soul if you do find it funny.

  • March 20, 2002, 5:57 p.m. CST

    God Damn This Movie Is going to Kick ass

    by Stephen Wright

    Harry let me first say that was possible the best review of a movie you liked ever. I really want to see this movie now. TO everyone else who didn't get the point Harry didn't want to bother with the plot charachter and COMPUTER EFFECTS, he just wanted you to know that this moive kicked ass from start to finish, just like eating pussy (good pussy that is). I think Harry wanted you to go out and experience it for yourselfs. I mean no one has seen an ASS KICKING action movie in a long long time and I think this is it, I saw one of the tairlers (which is big for me since I live in Naples, Italy) and I heard the Crystal Method song come on and I knew that this movie was gonna kick ass. Now after that review I will be first in line at my FREE navy theater to see the movie, plus I hope this kicks ass because when Weasley kicks ass good, oh my god, but when its hust ripped off ass kicking (whatever that last one he did was), he sucks.

  • March 20, 2002, 6:06 p.m. CST

    ajw456

    by Stephen Wright

    I just wanted to say: Hells yah I agree with your talk back, damn straight. Reveiws should either make you want to see the movie or not, they shouldn't be summaries. Harry though give spoilers, but he tells you, and Harry is more of an after movie review reading because he wants people to disscuss it. Now sometimes he just wants you to see it like in this review, and other times he wants you to know not to waste your time. Ohhh and to the guy who said that we were doomed for finding Harry's joke funny, that was gay you don't need to be preaching to us on that thing, if you don't have anything to say about Harry or Movies then don't shame us for liking sexual jokes.

  • March 20, 2002, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Strength through "Oi!"

    by BobbyPeru

    If this movie smells like fish, I'm outta there. (BaDoomBoom)

  • March 20, 2002, 9:49 p.m. CST

    yikes!

    by maxpower

    "But if you don't like it, THEN DON'T FUCKING READ IT." uh, i'm not sure if you understand this, cunt teeth, but you have to READ something before you can NOT LIKE something. in that order. i bought harry's book, and now i am going to SET IT ON FIRE. jesus!

  • March 20, 2002, 10:18 p.m. CST

    Harry...

    by WaxOnWhacksOff

    The only pussy you will ever eat will be cat food

  • March 20, 2002, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Nice review Harry. It's about time someone pissed off the SU

    by Urbansquid

    Here's an idea, if you hate Harry so much try Yahoo movies instead... I'm quite certain no one will miss you here.

  • March 21, 2002, 12:39 a.m. CST

    you wonder why i got the fucking name

    by harry-the-fatass

    your shit sucks, get a job for gods sake. your on every fucking website getting cussed out. talk about a shit-ass excuse for a website from your god-damn parents. sorry for the lang, but this guy fucking sucks.GET A REAL JOB. i got a million messages that i could forward to you that you can sit on your fat ass on the pc chair and earn more money than you got jelly rolls, fatass. it aint your fault you wanted some fake ass reviews to cover up muff diving you fag. do reviews, or get a fucking gay bar. this is shit, aint no reviews here, may ass well call them "stupid things i said to my friends to make them laugh in 3rd grade." im in 8th, and this aint even fucking funny, and it aint reveiws, so what do you call this shit? my reveiws points: -20 stars, and --- comment; get a job. do i hear the word "mentally challenged"? probably cant stand, the fatass. i hate to cuss, but this is just the thing thats worth it. so, my worst sincerity, Charles Daman p.s. get a fucking life! you need these. http://search.ebay.com/search/search.dll?MfcISAPICommand=GetResult&ht=1&ebaytag1=ebayreg&query=diet+lose+weight&query2=diet+lose+weight&search_option=1&exclude=&category0=&minPrice=&maxPrice=&ebaytag1code=0&st=&SortProperty=MetaEndSort

  • March 21, 2002, 6:32 a.m. CST

    metaphor

    by superf

    Whilst I can see the allusions Harry is trying to draw I should point out that you do not have a pussy, Harry, to be licked. perhaps a better metaphor may have been a blow job? I think this was a fairly deliberate piece of literature designed to shock, which it obviously did to some people, so aim acheived Harry! This style of article though has no real interest to me, lots of similes could have been used that were not so profane and possibly required more journalistic talent to attain. Did you get your Job on here as a favour, as it obviously had very little to do with your ability. I read your LOTR posting with interest and thought whilst it was not incredibly well put together, it was at least effervescent with it's delivery. Perhaps you were alluding to the seedy nature of the film and the obvious sexual nature of vampires, but I doubt it. Perhaps you should go back to english 101 Harry because if you handed this in you know the mark you would get. So without further ado F off Harry

  • March 21, 2002, 8:08 a.m. CST

    Like A Virgin

    by Screamj99

    Harry have you actually ever had sex, no scrap that, have you even spoken to a woman? The review was just shit, not funny, not clever, just crap. I was actually looking forward to BLADE II, but think you just put me off it. Plus your Star Wars review, did you have to give head to see that video, cos that's what it sounds like. Get a life darling!! XXX J

  • March 21, 2002, 12:25 p.m. CST

    pushing the envelope

    by WARPED99

    well I have to say its nice to see a review that shakes the squares at their squeeky clean sexually repressed foundations. GOOD ON YA, Harry. I was a little bit taken aback when I read it but damned if the review doesn't get the point across. I cannot WAIT to see B2.

  • March 21, 2002, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Okay okay, Jeezum Xmas, so I made a kneejerk response to the kne

    by Trav McGee

    [Lordy lordy. I knew I shouldn't have looked here again. But now I feel sullied. :) So let me take a slower breath, and type better.] ...By my logic. Yes, such "logic". Again, the scourge of the English language kicks in on the Internet, that being the fact that "you" works as both the singular and plural. Makes it too easy both to make sweeping generalized statements, and to interpret all sweeping generalized statements as being directed personally towards oneself. [See also, "Hey I'M a (SW and/or LOTR) fan, don't call ME an asshole!" etc.] I got here late, didn't want to read every damn post, or attribute attitudes to specific individuals. I broadly addressed one of the trends of this TB, the one that annoyed me. Typical around here, doing that. Guilty. What "logic"? I wasn't trying to make debate points, even if I did draw sort of a = b and b = c therefore a = c picture. Hey, if it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't apply to you. Congratulations on being a d through z, and sorry for the confusion. To a few of the sorry bastards up there, I stand by what I said. So, you 3 who addressed me directly: Shade -- hyuk, good one! Pretty quick, too! Hyuk, hyuk. (Right.) CoolDan -- ya say cunnilingus is disgusting and perverted, eh. Interesting. Let's move on. Yes, a graphic description of one the most intimate sexual acts may be jarring, but context and intent should be kept in mind. I thought it was obvious Harry's intent wasn't in prurient (re: "whacking it") behaviour or base shock value (except in how humor inherently relies on surprise), but in conveying del Toro and therefore the movie's expert audience manipulation. Remember, the entire time he's talking aout the movie, albeit very abstractly. Looks like the metaphor itself was too distracting for some. "That kind of stuff is not a 'joke' ... stuff that you're not supposed to find funny most of the time." Have you never giggled with someone in bed? The last thing sex should be is somber. Long ago when he was still mostly stand-up and gag-writing, an interviewer asked Woody Allen "Is sex dirty?" to which he replied, "Only if you do it right." (Apologies for a misquote.) Amen, brudda. And "May God have mercy on [my] soul..."? Oh my GOODNESS. I certainly hope he will, but not necessarily cause of THIS. That would certainly be a surprising conversation at the Pearly Gates. When St. Peter begins reciting from the page marked "Ain't It Cool News and Sexual Humor" I'm gonna be in a delirious laughing fit, rolling back and forth all over that big fluffy cloud at the top of the escalator. In general: Lighten up, fella! And finally ebonic plague: You're a level-headed writer, which in AICN Talkback is both always appreciated, and always as shocking as a graphic extended sexual metaphor on an amateurish movie fansite. "..hollow bragging by sexually insecure man-children about how often and how well they fuck their alleged girlfriends." Fair enough, it's the Internet, and any sophistry can be used to describe any person as anything by dissection of whatever they post. See all the stuff I've written, this post and the last. ;) One can draw certain conclusions about the type of person who needs to communicate on ANY level with anonymous strangers. That whole "compensation" argument can just as easily be tossed right back at the nonchalant "I don't need to talk about it" poster, and then tossed right back again, in a "Which cup has the Iocaine powder?" roundabout. (I notice you can't help but, however obliquely, draw your own "tongue-fu" technique into favorable comparison. "Incontheivable!") However, I'm not a Sicilian. In fact, there's no way anyone on here can know if one or both of us, e_p, is actually a barely legal pigtailed Asian girl into blowing long-haul truckdrivers, or if that's just us on that OTHER message board, or if I'm actually Wallace Shawn and you're really Marion Barry. Maybe it was juvenile of me to bring her into it, but hell, she's on my mind all the time these days. (I didn't go on and on about her, though, did I? Or fucking? Not as much as you imply, to be sure.) Before I thought to post I sent her the link to this review, and for the record she did say "Oh NASTY," but she was laughing, too, and that made me happy. As for what I said applying to all the women here, including the married with kids, sure, you're right, that doesn't make sense. (But hell, how many do we know are women? wink) And I can see women being more easily offended/disgusted with content that explicitly references their genitals. Not to pun, but it's a sensitive area, hyar. So lemme retroactively remove all women from my (MUCH BRIEFER) diatribe, with sincere apologies. [Except to THAT one! Yeah, YOU lady! :D ] ...I do, though, hold that there's a lot of hateful fearful ranting here that stems from unfulfilled sexual resentment, coupled with a bit of spoiler blue-balling. Ugh, it's a metaphor mixer. Harry gives his (and the audience's) reaction to the movie, not a detailed movie description. Now, not just denied their usual fan-gasm, they were simultaneously faced with... pussy, and its pleasure. Such confusion ensues! How dare Harry make me confront my mislaid priorities and/or sexual inexperience! I want my MOVIE REVIEW! (Do I have to repeat I'm not talking about EVERYONE?) ...But it WAS Harry's movie review. Which is what I meant when people can't get the joke without understanding the point of reference--the assholes fixate on the point of reference, which was only one damn paragraph and a handful of one-liners anyway, and can't see the review. (ebonic, I think you get it, but more enjoy tweaking Harry about it.) The review was pretty clear to me, and even lays out the performances of Snipes, Perlman, and Kris--economically, but effectively. When Harry's talking cunnilingus he's talking about del Toro (no shit, McGee), what escapes some is that it's in the way he talks WITH del Toro. He just writes like he talks. Almost always. Most people don't, or more often can't. He's a natural writer, if raw. (He probably too-much fears polishing his writing, but I wouldn't judge him too harshly for that.) Hell, Harry knows there's a billion movie reviewers on the Net, and that every reader he has also reads other movie sites. But I don't think it's a calculation on his part to not sound like other movie sites, and I don't think he wrote this as some sort of stunt. I think it's how his mind, and the minds of his friends', works. Abstractly, with di-i-istant barriers of taste. Read Harry's quote from del Toro, talking about the make-up guys and pussies. Has there been ONE talkbacker who railed against that? People with similar manners of talking, thinking, and sense of humor, especially if their work brings them in contact, usually become good friends. Tarantino's the same thing. Back when Pulp Fiction was brand new, he did an interview, they were in a restaurant and Q was eating a slice of peanut-butter pie. Ecstatic over the pie, he claimed "If Elvis ate peanuts and came, it would taste like this." Now THAT cracked me the fuck up. I can see how he and Harry are friends. Now pretend Q wrote the review up there. Pretty funny, and you're excited he liked the movie so much. ("You"? Who's he TALKING to?) ...Alright, going way off the tracks, fully derailed I'd venture to say, at this point. (Point? There was a point?) There's no one issue at hand here, and no one reason for people's reactions to any one thing. On the Internet we're all blind men, feeling up a hundred elephants. ...ebonic, I'd hate for anyone to hold one spurt of from-the-hip vitriol against me. No harm no foul, hope you feel the same. I dig yer style and look forward to conversations on other topics. This one though, for me, is all spent and flaccid. ;)

  • March 21, 2002, 1:31 p.m. CST

    lmfao

    by lothloriendiva

    Way to go Harry!(lol)Helluva review for Blade2....Most negative responses I have EVER seen on here for talkbacks...rofl...u peeps need to get over it,Harry is and always will be mega-fuckin-kewl!and not to burst the perverbial bubble,but he probably gets more pussy than any of ya's out there...HULLO he's FAMOUS!!!!LOL....anyway after reading that,Harry call me!lol But whatever you do ,love,PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!! DON NOT review THE TWO TOWERS in that same sense...lol..course it'd be kewl w/ a fling w/u and elijah :) woohoo ..lmfao cheers mate,Harry u rock!

  • March 21, 2002, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Can't you get laid, Harry?

    by mcbeck

    I guess your review proves that the answer is no.

  • March 21, 2002, 3:14 p.m. CST

    I got quite the violent e-mail last night

    by Trav McGee

    Apparently someone was SO offended by my first post that they wish me grievous bodily harm. (Thankfully it was just the one.) Seems I was even more horrifying to this individual than Harry's review. Again, this person yelled at my sickening "logic." I'm not bragging, the dude was pretty fucked-up sounding. I honestly don't see what was so disturbing about that glib rant that it would evoke that kind of response. I certainly don't see much that's unique about it, reading most of this board. Is this a typical thing? Or should one just make sure to post earlier and get lost in the mob? Either way, pen pal, get some help. Maybe I wasn't talking to "YOU."

  • March 21, 2002, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Harry is the worst thing about this site!

    by kiddish

    I'm never coming back to here again. This review is so lame. Harry should have compared this movie to giving head because he is sucking Del Toro's dick so hard. Moriarty should start his own website and leave this juvenile crap behind.

  • March 21, 2002, 6:33 p.m. CST

    Trav McGee...don't look so surprised.

    by CoolDan989

    You can defend your post all you want, but the bottom line in a nutshell is you accused everyone who hated Harry's review of never having sex. That hits just a wee bit below the belt, don't you think? I wouldn't have the guts to go as far as to send you a scathing email, but I don't blame those who did.

  • March 21, 2002, 8:54 p.m. CST

    blade 2

    by crains

    I saw the premier also. Harry's description is a little strange but he makes an interesting analogy I thought. Guillermot does a fantastic job. I go see movies to have fun and this is all that and more. Much better than the first! WAR HELLBOY!

  • March 22, 2002, 12:17 a.m. CST

    by agentmylo

  • March 22, 2002, 6:09 a.m. CST

    LUKE GOSS from 80's band,'BROS'? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    by workshed

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  • March 22, 2002, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Guillermo

    by SinfulAngel

    So what Harry is telling us is Guillermo is the master of the CLIT. See his face! You better remember his face...!

  • March 22, 2002, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Workshed, you stupid fuck up.

    by exPFCWintergreen

    Don't stretch the goddamn talkback. What the fucks the matter with you? Its annoying when people stretch talkbacks.

  • March 22, 2002, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Harry's Vagina Monologues

    by Damer1

    Spoken like a man that has only seen naked women in Penthouse. Crass and it added nothing of interest to the review.

  • March 22, 2002, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Vaginas?

    by mrrogers

    Puh-lease, as if this hadn't been done before. Predator 1-2? They didn't bother to hide the imagery. Danny Glover even calls him pussyface. Alien? The facehuggers have vaginal lips with the "implant tube/penis" sticking out of it. So yeah, I saw some skin flaps in the reapers mouths...but I don't see how anyone could get "pussy" out of that. Blade 2 was a good flick, the end sequence _made_ the movie for me. if only the originalhad the same amount of thought put into the end sequence. Whats with Del Toro and 2 faced monsters anyways? (didn't the roaches in mimic split their heads open?)

  • March 22, 2002, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Have to agree with TheTZA

    by allykatD

    That was a pathetic review, Harry. The metaphor was interesting, and amusing at first, but you took it too far and beat us over the head with us. Sure, some of the other guys who need to get laid liked it, after all, it's probably the best thing they seen/heard since they got a stiffy looking up their sister's dress. Take a writing class, Harry, it'll help with clarity and above all, brevity. You can still be a smart ass, but you'll (maybe) learn to write with a bit of style.

  • March 22, 2002, 6:45 p.m. CST

    blade 2

    by ikensteiner

    I am in the Air Force and at Ramstein AFB Germany. We get movies late here and after the reviews of Blade2, I can't wait to see it. We get movies late on base or see them off base(with subtitles). I am going to watch blade everyday untill it comes to Ramstein(or off base germany) everyday. As for the first movie, come on, no other movie has such a great one liner as "Catch you fucker at a bad time?" Totally perfect. Hey I love movies and loving the first one if the second is as good(but they say better) then its a "right as rain" in my book. The I tothe K tothe E peace

  • March 22, 2002, 7:17 p.m. CST

    LMAO again!!

    by Alphashewolf

    Hi Harry, though you worded it a bit strongly, I am left with the profound sense that you loved this film. I like your enthusiasm. All the folks that have a problem with your review and are screaming so loudly about it are prolly closet erotica viewers..heeeehhheeee. Remeber Jimmy Swaggert and his rants against illicit sex...The loudest screamers are usually the guiltiest. And..to all the rest..oh well it would be a very boring world if everyone were like you all..it takes all kinds..tall, skinny, short, fat, chubby, chunky..I dare you to call the next chubby judge you see, the same thing you've called Harry. It's very easy to talk to people like that when you are ignorant and have a keyboard to hide behind... LMAO.. Harry at least it was original...and very honest.. Those people that are offended..Oh well, what can I say. That's what makes the web such a wonderful thing, if you don't like what you read, you can always go somewhere else and find something more to your liking. No one sits on anyone's shoulder and forces them to view anything...

  • March 23, 2002, 12:09 p.m. CST

    KIDDISH YOU DUMBASS

    by spideyman1218

    "Harry is the worst thing about this site!" ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Harry IS this site!! He created it, he can do what he wants with it!! If you don't like it, THEN DON'T COME.

  • March 23, 2002, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Inveterate Harry-bashers throw away their time as if it were con

    by UnChienAndalou

    I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that these vicious diatribes against Harry via talkback have no effect on him or anyone else associated with the site other than provoking amusement. I think that IHB's go to such elaborate extremes to revile him because they think it's going to hurt his feelings or something. The weight issue has been overkilled too; yes, he's a big man, but giving him shit about it is tantamount to trivial, sixth grade teasing on the playground (ie grow up). I think the IHB's are more obsessed with Harry's weight than he is. From now on, all IHB's should be required to post a picture of themself next to each, venomous post so that fairness is maintained. Harry is living the dream, and I'd wager that about 99% of his detractors are so envious of his life and position within the industry that their criticism is fueled by jealousy above everything else. Look...Harry, like all human beings, is not perfect. IHB's are not perfect. I'm sure the bulk of them are reasonable and productive human beings who love movies. Talkback probably brings out the worst in all of them--fueled by a mixture of anger, jealousy, and anonymity. All I'm trying to say is that don't take the work that Harry does on the site for granted, and try to realize that if your attacks really did hurt his feelings, he could dry his eyes with fat checks and pieces of paper with the phone numbers of all the famous people that he's connected to. I hardly ever post TB's, so forgive me if I don't respond to the innundation of attacks that IHB's will bestow upon me for attempting to bring some sanity to the cacophony of talkback.

  • March 24, 2002, 3:35 a.m. CST

    It's Harry's site...

    by Damer1

    and if he writes something that is filled with juvenile innuendo then he also can be scoffed for it.

  • March 24, 2002, 4:11 p.m. CST

    PUSSIES THOROUGHLY LICKED!!

    by Jacuzzi_Jones

    Dear non-believers and doubting Thomases: Harry's review was perfect. When he first started posting reviews 4 years ago he said that he wasn't your average monotonous sum-up-the-plot reviewer. I'm sick of run of the mill reviews that devote the majority of their time to devulging plot points and giving away the story. That said, Harry's review gave nothing away yet managed to express his excitement and enjoyment of the film. I believe that he (rightly) assumed that most of you guys were going to see Blade II regardless, so he just wrote a review that sumed up the intensity and relentless, feverish pace of the film. All those looking for realism and art house ideals should go home - it's a comic-book-monster movie that is roughly 93% action. What more do you want? You should quit coming to this site if you didn't think Blade II was cool, cause you are obviously way too stuck up and snobbish to appreciate coolness when you see it - have a fun life being constantly disappointed by your own too-high standards. And finally, all those prudes offended by the sex analogy need to un-clench their rectum. What exactly was so offensive? Was it that Harry is fat? Your prejudice is far more disturbing. People eat pussy, get used to it.

  • March 24, 2002, 11:19 p.m. CST

    poser

    by terryr

    Blade 2 is a disappointment. You can see when the compu-effects take over. They are too rapid as well. Screen fighting is a dance, not an electric fit. Too much time is spent with the 'swat team'. Who cares about them? I came to see Blade. Blade is shorter weaker and blander, and humans seem too strong. The old man should be dead from the beatings he took. In the first movie, when he entered the dance club, the vampires scattered like rats. In the second they dance around while he 'vogues' in the middle of them. The whole movie is a pose of the first one.It is shorter weaker and blander.

  • March 26, 2002, 3:55 p.m. CST

    When I was sitting around name-dropping...

    by hudsucker

    ...with one of the thousands of celebrities I lunch with daily, I just happened to realize that I helped to inspire every great film ever made. I am truly influential. Brilliant ideas flow from mouth with unabashed candor, just waiting to be scooped up by autuers from all nations. My radiating influence and ingenuity are absolutely unappreciated by all of you who aren't brilliant enough to be in the film industry by association, like I am. It's a crime, really.

  • March 27, 2002, 10:51 a.m. CST

    what a fat loser

    by pbjpb1

    damn you are a fat loser. what the fuck was that? haha, what a joke. obviously you rarely see a pussy in person you fat, sweaty, smelly mess. go eat some cheeseburgers and roll around in your own shit you pig. and get a life lard ass!

  • March 27, 2002, 12:21 p.m. CST

    I'm somewhat sorry

    by SWrules

    I just saw this movie today and now Harry's review is starting to make a little sense now. Maybye I was being to harsh before, I guess that's just TB rubbing off on me. I still think Harry needs to write better reviews, but I agree this movie has a lot of joyful moments. This is genre film at the top of it's game, hell Ebert almost gave it four stars!

  • March 30, 2002, 12:49 a.m. CST

    Yeah.... Ok then.... I'm truely impressed..... The sheer sco

    by TheGinger Twit

    I'm sorry but what is this bullshit?

  • March 30, 2002, 1:16 a.m. CST

    Wow, i can't wait for the stick of butter up Harry's ars

    by TheGinger Twit

    I can't wait to learn of how Trek X is like hot sex with an ex lover... or how The two towers will be akin to a 14inch Dildo that runs of a car battery. First it's scary, you just don't know what to expect. Then as it enters you relize it's exactly what you expected. Then when the power gets turned on you find that you just wish you were somewhere else, and hope to God this wont take 3 hours. Christ, I mean i love smut, I even love to read this stuff - but there's a time and a place. This is not where i come to get it. I bet you've never even touched a clit you crusted encouted feral.

  • March 30, 2002, 1:33 a.m. CST

    Wow, i can't wait for the stick of butter up Harry's ars

    by TheGinger Twit

    The two towers will be akin to a 14inch Dildo that runs of a car battery. First it's scary, you just don't know what to expect. Then as it enters you relize it's exactly what you expected. Then when the power gets turned on you find that you just wish you were somewhere else, and hope to God this wont take 3 hours.

  • March 30, 2002, 1:35 a.m. CST

    The two towers will be akin to a 14inch Dildo that runs of a car

    by TheGinger Twit

    Wow, I can't wait for harry's stick of butter up his arse review of episode 2

  • April 2, 2002, 8:40 p.m. CST

    What the hell

    by Tegid2

    I have never been a fan of over the top gore... I love the Blade mythos, but this movie consistently goes too far. Perhaps I'm just a sissy, but I didn't enjoy myself at this movie. I don't even know why I went after the first one.

  • April 2, 2002, 10:44 p.m. CST

    Harry go pay a whore to put yourself out of your

    by Edwerd

    misery. Clearly, you are obessing on your inability to get laid. I doubt if you have seen pussy let alone eaten it.

  • April 5, 2002, 5:07 p.m. CST

    BLADE TWO IS GOING TO BE BETTER THAN SPIDER-MAN, SORRY

    by TRON1

    BLADE 2 IS FAR BETTER THAN EXPECTED I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY CAN MAKE A BLADE 3 AS THE VAMPIRE NATION IS NOW DEFUNCT HARRY GET THIS TO YOUR BROTHER, DEL TORO, THE ONLY FORMIDABLE OPPONENT LEFT FOR BLADE WILL BE MORBIUS IN PART 3 I ALONG WITH EVERY GEEK NEEDS TO SEE THIS AFTER THE SPIDEY KID SHOW

  • April 6, 2002, 4:29 a.m. CST

    A REAL Horror Movie!

    by Serpent

    Bloody hell! If you want to make a real horror movie, make a movie about Harry giving head. Squirm in sympathy as his victims pray for fucking death!

  • April 6, 2002, 4:56 a.m. CST

    Reaper Blowjob

    by Serpent

    Talking of oral, I wouldn't mind a BJ off a Reaper Chick. I have to say that harry and moriarty are wrong about blade 2. It is sucky. Spoiler: Blade 2 has one funny moment, (well, intentionally funny anyway). During the autopsy scene where the black leather vampire chick asks her colleague to hold something in the dead reaper's mouth. When he hesitates Blade says "Sissy!". I loved the way he said that. But (and here is where one of many unintentionally funny moments kicks in) Blade himself didn't volunteer for the job. A real leader would have said, "Stand back! I'll show you how it's done!" And he would have done it. Blade is a sissy too :) End spoiler. My full review of blade is here: see http://www.eadon.com/movies/blade2.php for my own take on Blade 2. Thanks.

  • April 8, 2002, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Do nerds know they are nerds?

    by Hallonballen

    Leave the guy alone. Writing a review like that, the author can not possibly realize how it is perceived by a normal reader. If he could, he would not write it. No one would knowingly expose such personality traits.

  • April 10, 2002, 12:57 a.m. CST

    What's right about Blade 2

    by Hagbard940

    The superiority of Blade 2 isn't necissarily the original content in the second movie. Blade 2 is much like a James Bond picture, the characters are slick, good looking, hot femme fatales and interesting lethal gadgetry and over the top bad guys bent on world domination. In many ways over the last 10 years the vampire sub-culture created by Anne Rice has had its run over the entertainment media. Lestat, Louis, Armand and others have been the main stay of how we view vampiric fiction (just look at Queen of the Damned). We've replaced violence with ambiguous sexuality, but with the return of Blade we come full circle. We have some of the most incredible speicial effects sequences showing off not only the virsatility of CGI but the limitless imagination of the writer and director. Why make a half ass kungfu sequence where we've seen everything before, why not take it that next step and really make an audience take notice. Certainly the premise of the picture has been seen before, but the darkness of the director's vision, the tight writing by David Goyer and the non conforming bad ass that is Wesley Snipers more than make a comepelling motion picture. I came out of that movie just pumped up from the combination of comic book, cgi and WWF action sequences perfectly melded into the movie, I was surprised as anyone at my own reaction and others. If only all movies could be so satisfying.

  • April 16, 2002, 1:29 a.m. CST

    harry has sunk to a new low

    by harrythehasbeen

    I've been keeping track of this sight for a few years now, and the level to which it has sunk recently has been nothing short of pathetic. Harry's "reviews" consist of lame anecdotes and contain maybe a few actual lines about what the movie was like. Yes, it's disappointing, especially considering that the site used to be a good source of actual information. It's gone downhill to be sure, but after reading this "review" for Blade 2 I'm convinced that this site is approaching total worthlessness...at lightning speed.

  • April 26, 2002, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Retard Review

    by frodo35

    I have become a tremendous fan of Harry's over the past six months but in one fell swoop of Gimliesque proportions Harry has managed to almost destroy any credibility he has achieved. Lay off the hobbit weed for a while ,bro, its making you nuts!! The review for Blade 2 is so incredibly retarded that I actually felt sorry for you.

  • April 28, 2002, 3:11 a.m. CST

    porno reviews

    by Son of man

    harry, please... when we read that stuff you turn us on, but then we remember YOU wrote it. its gross man. Please stop that.

  • May 2, 2002, 5:29 p.m. CST

    This obnoxious review

    by elizabethpersson

    I am so glad that I saw the movie before reading your review. I also hope that I never sit by you in a movie theater.

  • May 6, 2002, 7:37 a.m. CST

    This is no Blade movie

    by SoulReaver

    Man, this is a waste of money and time! I know what a blade movie should look like, and this one certainly does not!! Del Toro was not the right director for this, and dudes! be honest! the sword fightig cgi scene is the worst that you've ever seen on screen, isn't it? Also I missed Blade's coolness badly, and that is del Toro's fault. Well, the photography was rather bad, too, and most of the fighting scenes are edited to death. Then: Tell me, why does Gaetano explode in the sun, while Nyssa just "snowflakes" away? Anyway, who designed this movie?? Who had the idea to show this wax-vampire? What was wrong with Goyer when he wrote this crap? Why does Hollywood take something like this? Why is Wesley allowing something like this? Questions, no answers... WESLEY, I'm DISAPPOINTED!!

  • May 8, 2002, 11:58 a.m. CST

    What an Intro to the Website!

    by Jack Olcott

    ..so I'm in my local B&N and pick up "Ain't It Cool" to go with my Starbucks and muffin. Two hours later I'm $24 dollars poorer but I have a great new book for my library. Loved the book. Didn't totally agree with it (rather liked "Mannequin" meself) but loved it's heart and spirit...so naturally I had to check out the web site, and -- hey -- Harry reviewed "Blade II" so that's the first review I turn to and, well...My Goodness Me! I read some of Harry's other reviews and, yes, there was the passion and exubrance that grabbed me from the book but this review still rankled. Why? The porn? Nah. I've had the same thoughts, though usually sparked by Angela Joli rather than Guillermo del Toro's (truley remarkable) directing skills. Harry's self absorbtion? Nope. That's his genius, slipping his unabashed fanboy geek sensibilities into the stale respectibility of mainstream reviewing. I think what bothered me most about the "Blade II" review is that it wasn't in the service of the movie. It was about the muff-diving metaphore first and about "Blade II" only very tangentally. The strength of the imagary trumpts the content. Attention getting? Very - at the expense of the movie. Look at the Talkbacks, most are about the muff-diving (both pro and con) Now some movies to be burried in prose, "Rollerball" comes to mind, but "Blade II" was a damned good flick. It deserved a review that got us thinking and feeling about it, a viscaral reaction to watching Blade clense the fetid sewers of Prague. All Harry's review did was remind me to ask out that cute little bookstore clerk. Harry can write like a demon possessed. He can make us feel the agony and fullfillment of film. One has to look no farther than his review of "Spiderman" for proof of that. All I'm saying is that "Blade II" deserved better at his hands, that's all.

  • June 27, 2002, 2:19 p.m. CST

    I never read this review before due to the words "Harry" and "NC

    by Shabba McDoo

    Now I'm gonna' fucking puke. "I had two girls around me, Patch black and blued my right forearm with slaps and rabbit punches as though Guillermo was pounding the short hairs, and Saffron (not Vegas

  • Jan. 15, 2004, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Cautiously optimistic

    by Asimov's Brain

    I for one, sincerely hope this movie works. Hellboy is all around amazing. Some of the best depth in storytelling and art out there. As a fan of Mignola and this particular creation (but go read The-Amazing-Screw-On-Head) I would love to see it treated right. It really could be something amazing...not to mention the fact that girls who've read it really seem to love the character of Hellboy...and that's always good for Box Office. A worry or two though...as far as I know, Hellboy and Liz have never had any "feelings" for each other...except for a Brother-Sister kind of relationship. If anything, there's something between her and Abe...but since they decided to turn him more "otherworldly" (read: Big headed alien) that certainly wouldnt fly. Not to mention he sounds like NILES? Please. Abe would hand you your ass. One thing I won't go into this movie with is high hopes...but if it delivers, I'll see it more than once. Good luck Guillermo! P.S. Holy shit, that Blade 2 review IS foul. I had almost scrubbed it from my memory...but now...what were you on, Harry?

  • Sept. 4, 2006, 7 a.m. CST

    AICN Classic: Looking back on this review 4ys later...

    by Kampbell-Kid

    It still cracks me up.

  • Sept. 4, 2006, 7:01 a.m. CST

    AICN Classic: Looking back on this review 4ys later...

    by Kampbell-Kid

    It still cracks me up.

  • Sept. 4, 2006, 7:01 a.m. CST

    AICN Classic: Looking back on this review 4ys later...

    by Kampbell-Kid

    Sigh... the good ol days.

  • Sept. 4, 2006, 7:06 a.m. CST

    AICN Classic Review

    by Kampbell-Kid

    I miss these days.

  • Nov. 6, 2006, 2:43 p.m. CST

    WELL

    by THE KNIGHT

    This was a funny read... That harry, you sick bastid you lol...

  • Nov. 26, 2006, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Muhahahahaha

    by dundundles

    Muhahahahahaha

  • Dec. 1, 2006, 1:33 p.m. CST

    Good Review

    by Toddstarwatcher

    Funny stuff Harry

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being offered a blowjob by Tara Reid for a thousand dollars.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Diving four-hundred feet down into the ocean without an air tank, then suddenly turning into a dolphin.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Taking a neutral stance on the war, and then saving the most important guy in that African town while sacrificing the one you love.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hooking up with a guy called Ratso and then selling your body to middle-aged women for cash.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hooking up with a guy called Ratso and then selling your body to middle-aged women for cash.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Saving a bunch of ungrateful Japanese villagers and then getting paid nothing but rice and millet for all your good work.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Saving a bunch of ungrateful Japanese villagers and then getting paid nothing but rice and millet for all your good work.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hanging around on a rooftop with a bunch of pigeons and then a) killing a bunch of mob guys with your urban samurai skills or b) saving a bunch of hard-up workers from being ripped off by a bunch of mob guys by getting beaten up.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hanging around on a rooftop with a bunch of pigeons and then a) killing a bunch of mob guys with your urban samurai skills or b) saving a bunch of hard-up workers from being ripped off by a bunch of mob guys by getting beaten up.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hanging around on a rooftop with a bunch of pigeons and then a) killing a bunch of mob guys with your urban samurai skills or b) saving a bunch of hard-up workers from being ripped off by a bunch of mob guys by getting beaten up.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being in an elite platoon of muscle-bound soldiers, and getting killed-off in the jungle by a rogue hunter-alien.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being in an elite platoon of muscle-bound soldiers, and getting killed-off in the jungle by a rogue hunter-alien.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being in an elite platoon of muscle-bound soldiers, and getting killed-off in the jungle by a rogue hunter-alien.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being a surfer who gets called up for the 'nam war.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being a surfer who gets called up for the 'nam war.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hanging from the ceiling by hooks clasped onto your skin while boiling hot oil is poured onto your back.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Hanging from the ceiling by hooks clasped onto your skin while boiling hot oil is poured onto your back.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Piglet leaving A Hundred Acres woods to find Winnie and the rest of the gang.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Piglet leaving A Hundred Acres woods to find Winnie and the rest of the gang.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Piglet leaving A Hundred Acres woods to find Winnie and the rest of the gang.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being an old, cranky Swedish doctor who gets offered an award, goes on a road-trip with his daughter-in-law, and discovers himself in the process

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being an old, cranky Swedish doctor who gets offered an award, goes on a road-trip with his daughter-in-law, and discovers himself in the process

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being an old, cranky Swedish doctor who gets offered an award, goes on a road-trip with his daughter-in-law, and discovers himself in the process

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Dressing up as a woman in an all-girl band so you can hide from the mob who are out to get ya for witnessing a murder.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Dressing up as a woman in an all-girl band so you can hide from the mob who are out to get ya for witnessing a murder.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Dressing up as a woman in an all-girl band so you can hide from the mob who are out to get ya for witnessing a murder.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Dressing up as a woman in an all-girl band so you can hide from the mob who are out to get ya for witnessing a murder.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Making love to Julie Christie to get over the grief of your daughter's drowning.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being in a ragtag group of prank-playing doctors during the Korean war.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being in a ragtag group of prank-playing doctors during the Korean war.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Being in a ragtag group of prank-playing doctors during the Korean war.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Whatever it's like, it is NOT like having Guillermo licking your pussy until a fountain of pleasure-juice erupts into his face.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Watching Blade II is like...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Whatever it's like, it is NOT like having Guillermo licking your pussy until a fountain of pleasure-juice erupts into his face.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:40 a.m. CST

    all things considered

    by mrbong

    it would be interesting to see how a "Deluxe Uber 5th Anniversary Edition" DVD of Blade II would be handled in light of all of this.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:42 a.m. CST

    It's quite funny that this review starts with the words

    by seppukudkurosawa

    "Harry should write for Hustler".

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Blade 4: The taxman cometh

    by 0rcus

    I sense this thread will be locked

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:58 a.m. CST

    considering he's now a Penthouse critic.

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Yep I thought so too, Orcus. And they've probably got a point, but I just figured I should remind some of the newer ainticoolers that this site used to be run by a guy called Harry Knowles.<p> </p>I miss you...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Wait...

    by 0rcus

    Do you miss me or Harry?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Both of you...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    but I miss Guillermo's tongue most of all.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:31 p.m. CST

    I don't know how I got here

    by Novaman5000

    But this review hurts my soul. What terrible fucking images it invokes.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:45 p.m. CST

    WATCHING BLADE II IS LIKE...

    by Hella

    HAVING TO READ A REVIEW ABOUT (MY?) PUSSY BEING LICKED BY HARRY, OR GUILLERMO, OR EVEN HAVING A PUSSY AT ALL

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and Blade2

    by 0rcus

    While having a beer and cheets on his wife while flaming Optimus Prime

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Before you lock down this thread

    by RKDN Del Sol

    1. awesome site 2. awesome talkback enforcers 3. absolutely juvenile college newspaper quality review.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:42 p.m. CST

    If you go further back in time it gets funnier

    by 0rcus

    And I know Time Travel, trust me

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:54 p.m. CST

    OLD MOVIE REVIEWS GOTTA EAT

    by Admiral_Kirk

    Nothing good can come of this... I know first hand... and welcome back Orcus... You've been restored to your former glory...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:43 p.m. CST

    looks to me like some has a big vocabulary

    by Deus Vult

    and a little dictionary.<p>relevance to the movie review? zero.<p>relevance to the talkback? zero.<p>reason I posted it? just had to have a comment here and couldn't think of anything better.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:48 p.m. CST

    is Orcus secretly repligin?

    by Deus Vult

    dammit! how does Orcus know about time travel? is he repligin? or, does he know John Titor personally? you guys better quit torturing me on this repligin / time travel / John Titor thing.<p>sometimes I feel like this entire site is one dude making a millions posts a year just trying to distract me as I try to unravel the mystery of John Titor.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:50 p.m. CST

    YACK IF YOU'RE STILL AROUND YOU'RE MY ACE

    by Deus Vult

    Why you ask? hey, do you boys realize the this is the SIXTH most popular talkback with 60 posts in the last 24 hours? THAT'S HILARIOUS! think about it--Harry wrote this review FOUR YEARS AGO (roughly) and it's the SIXTH most posted story! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.<P>way to go Yack. not sure if you're banned, dead, or time-traveling with Orcus / repligin / titor or not, but you are one ass kicking mofo.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:53 p.m. CST

    prof.ikamono, when I find titor and go back in time

    by Deus Vult

    you'll be the first person I look up to prevent you from starting this site and driving me insane...after all...YOU ARE HAROLD AREN'T YOU?!?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Should've had more Donnie Yen!

    by ProziumJunkie

    he could take Snipes using only a spork tied to his left nut

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:09 p.m. CST

    THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

    by Deus Vult

    I'll never join you. I'm a Houstonian, like my father.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:16 p.m. CST

    All You Talkback Belong To Us!

    by finky089

    !!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:27 p.m. CST

    The Protector- Own it NOW on 2-Disc DVD!

    by finky089

    gimme a friggin break...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:13 p.m. CST

    DAMN YOU IKAMONO! DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    by Deus Vult

    I'm losing it man, no question. the realization that everyone who posts BUT me is harry knowles is just too much to take for one night. I think I'm gonna have to fire up Civ4 and slaughter the russians to make me feel better.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:15 p.m. CST

    and just to make sure I don't get yelled at

    by Deus Vult

    let me just say that blade2 was a great movie. so great that the irs is now looking to get their hands on all that great cash. see I'm talkin' 'bout the movie! don't ban me!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:26 p.m. CST

    it's GIRF, MIRF, and EARF my friend.

    by Deus Vult

    don't you speak ghettoese?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:27 p.m. CST

    and the rhyme was pretty funny.

    by Deus Vult

    now, who else are you professor? are you related to pazuzu? you're both doctors after all...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:31 p.m. CST

    "How did you like my fucking movie???"

    by emu47

    That's what Guillermo said after an early screening of Blade II. And that's all I could hear at the end of Pan's Labyrinth, too.<br><br>Hooray for bringing this talkback back. What an absurd review.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:50 p.m. CST

    You can't blame BLADE II for this review

    by Vern

    Just like you can't blame Jesus and Mohammed for the bullshit done in their names. They didn't ask for this shit and neither did BLADE II.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:51 p.m. CST

    um I don't know...I live in texas so I speak spanish

    by Deus Vult

    and besides, I can't find any good english to japanese dictionaries. so lay it on me homey...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:55 p.m. CST

    holy crap vern! welcome! oh and not sure if you read...

    by Deus Vult

    political/religious stuff but if you do, check out a cool book by robert spencer called "the truth about muhammad" for some real insight into your point there. if you like, I'll mail you my copy when I'm done with it and I mean that with 100% sincerity.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:13 p.m. CST

    rant rant snort

    by Deus Vult

    that was, as newman says: Hi-Lar-Ious! my brother in law does that snorting crap ALL THE TIME and I CAN'T STAND IT. but its fun to make fun of him because its fun to make of fun people's shortcomings.<p>hey the prophet ALSO loved nine year old girls. and taxing those who wouldn't convert. and killing them if they couldn't pay the tax. and killing jews without giving them a chance to pay the tax. and killing polytheists. and killing athiests. and killing christians. and killing zoroastrians. and killing hindus. oh forget it I can't go on. I'm too tired.<p>wait...only a learned scholar knows about the homo tendencies throughout islam's past. homo sufi poetry is primarily from the 9th-12th centuries...also shiite and sunni poetry praises the beauty of a young boy and how vile women are. in fact, along with dogs being unclean brutes (who's saliva is major unclean) so are women who are cycling. now, truth be told, when I was 17 I wouldn't mind it. but being 31 and married I think the prophet is/was on to something here.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:19 p.m. CST

    anyway all those zionist rants are funny. AND...

    by Deus Vult

    the wife is watching the new episode of "the hills" which is so awful I want to puke.<p>now I want to emphasize that if homewrecker can tie "the hills" into the zionist conspiracy I'm gonna pay his site's hosting bill for one month. why? not because I support his insanity but because that read would be worth the money, no question.<p>as for your japanese name, I'm gonna go with the not real thing. personally I'm convinced you and harry and everyone else are prolly some solo 19 year old UT film major girl that doesn't shave her pits, legs or upper lip and is flannel-clad with a shiny new wallet chain who gets paid by harry to drive me to insanity. well congrats harry you bastard, it's working!<p>harry love the site by the way.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:28 p.m. CST

    I love how this thread and the 80 some posts show

    by S-Mart shopper

    the on-again/off-again hypocrisy of AICN...but it's all good, just don't say "clit" or run the posts up to high and watch those catchphrases boys, everyone is watching including kids and professionals;)

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:32 p.m. CST

    s mart-you *almost* missed the party

    by Deus Vult

    and, get this, I have the amazing Dick Nicely in the under siege 3 talkback.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:33 p.m. CST

    what is a cosplay?

    by Deus Vult

    you had me at hello until cosplay.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:39 p.m. CST

    I'm starting to suspect the real identity behind Deus..

    by S-Mart shopper

    you say you are a married man living in Texas. BUT, somehow you manage to post on multiple threads at the same time AND become a TB mod bringing together TB'ers of the world...hhmmm...you SIR are a FAKE. I CALL SHENANIGANS!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:40 p.m. CST

    what's a shenanigans?

    by Deus Vult

    duh I've got titor's 500 pound GE time machine. but I took it outta his vette and put it in my wife's 03 lexus es300. deus gotta name drop! schwah! I thought everyone knew that.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:42 p.m. CST

    for fuck's sake now its sex and the city

    by Deus Vult

    before it was the hills. boys make sure you lay the law down early and let the girlfriend know you're gonna watch what you wanna watch at night lest you suffer like your ol' boy deus.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:45 p.m. CST

    bed time boys

    by Deus Vult

    or so the wife says. sure, sure, I could speed up time w/the titor box but I don't want to show off.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:37 a.m. CST

    Ok I am out of the loop

    by Lando Griffin

    I saw that Mori laid down the law to a poster and Harry referenced the eight talkback monitors but what the hell started all of this recent madness? Point me to the right talkback

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:07 a.m. CST

    why are we here again?

    by BendersShinyAss

    just wondering is all

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:59 a.m. CST

    The Audience is the Clit

    by Doctor_Sin

    New THX marketing tagline?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:43 a.m. CST

    funniest moment in AICN history

    by HEADGEEK

    Guillermo Del Toro's Reapers were inspired by Guillermo's vision of a Vagina Dentata - and the girl I was seeing at the time I saw this film... that night - after the screening we had sex in her car behind the State Capital - and came home - Guillermo's post film commentary on stage was utterly filthy - and she dared me to write a review filthier than his. Before she went to bed with me that night - I ate her to a few orgasms - and she went to sleep behind me. <BR><BR>As she slept - I wrote this review. I'm so glad so many of you loved this review, or hated it enough to bring it up again. My fiancee hadn't read this till today - and boy did it inspire the fire. Thanks buddies.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3 a.m. CST

    Jesus, Harry, I'm drinking coffee on an empty stomach

    by BannedOnTheRun

    Sexy has not been brought back. Last night's dinner, maybe.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:04 a.m. CST

    hahahaha

    by Talkbacker with no name

    Stop making my willy burp, Harry!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:20 a.m. CST

    gotta admit

    by just pillow talk

    pretty funny there was the appearance of not one, but TWO black boxes.<p>And yup, that was a pretty distrubing review. 'Mission Accomplished' Harry!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:26 a.m. CST

    Sweating like a slave in back of the Chili Parlor

    by Doctor_Sin

    I think I heard you and your hottie moan, Harry.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:22 a.m. CST

    chickychow you're pretty funny

    by Deus Vult

    I laughed at your post. in fact, I loved it. two reasons: <p>one, the wife dragged me to mean girls but I loved it. that girl from party of five is smokin. <p>two, I know its hard to believe a real married man would be posting on aicn but hey such is married life.<p>okay make it three--I'm a complete pascifist on this site. I enjoy the arguing b/w other members as much as the next guy but prefer the laughing and conversation and steer clear of confrontation. just sayin's all.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:26 a.m. CST

    now Orcus let's rap

    by Deus Vult

    1. where is the link to this mysterious aicn site good sir?<p>2.who else is a time traveler besides you and repligin?<p>3. here is the link to the John Titor story. I don't see how you've been time traveling and never met him. sounds like someone isn't REALLY time traveling to me...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titor<p>4. Just brushed up on the Orcus mythology--In Roman mythology, Orcus was a god of the underworld, punisher of broken oaths, more equivalent to Pluto than to the Greek Hades, and later identified with Dis Pater. He was portrayed in paintings in Etruscan tombs as a hairy, bearded giant. A temple to Orcus may have existed on the Palatine Hill in Rome. The origins of Orcus may have lain in Etruscan religion. Orcus was a name used by Roman writers to identify a Gaulish god of the underworld. The so-called "Tomb of the Orcus", an Etruscan site at Tarquinia, is a misnomer, resulting from its first discoverers mistaking as Orcus a hairy, bearded giant that was actually a figure of a Cyclops. 'Orcus', in Roman mythology, was an alternative name for Pluto, Hades, or Dis Pater, god of the land of the dead. The name "Orcus" seems to have been given to his evil and punishing side, as the god who tormented evildoers in the afterlife. Like the name Hades (or the Norse Hel, for that matter), "Orcus" could also mean the land of the dead. From Orcus' association with death and the underworld, his name came to be used for demons and other underworld monsters, particularly in Italian where orco refers to a kind of monster found in fairy-tales that feeds on human flesh. The French word ogre (appearing first in Charles Perrault's fairy-tales) may have come from variant forms of this word, orgo or ogro; in any case, the French ogre and the Italian orco are exactly the same sort of creature. An early example of an orco appears in Ludovico Ariosto's Orlando Furioso, as a bestial, blind, tusk-faced monster inspired by the Cyclops of the Odyssey; this orco should not be confused with the orca, a sea-monster also appearing in Ariosto. This orco probably inspired, at least in part, J. R. R. Tolkien's orcs in his The Lord of the Rings. From this use, countless other fantasy games and works of fiction have borrowed the concept of the orc. Additionally, Orcus appears as the Lord of Demons in Fred Saberhagen's Empire of the East series; in the role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons, Orcus is a demon prince and lord of the undead; through this latter use Orcus appears in the computer game NetHack as a demon prince found in Gehennom who holds a wand of death. He also appears as a character in Christopher Moore's novel A Dirty Job, in which he is associated with the Morrigan, although no such connection exists in classical mythology. There is also a trans-Neptunian object called 90482 Orcus after this deity.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Colon Strikes Back

    by Deus Vult

    colon you never cease to amaze me. welcome back!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Deus Vult

    by 0rcus

    Being at work, I do not have access to my bookmarks right now. Suffice to say, that after the server upgrade of 9/2006, there was a serious disruption in the AICN Time Space Continuum. Time travellers have little hidding holes throughout AICN where we could shoot the breeze, one was the now defunct thread 0, which was basically a dumping ground for crashed posts. It might live in a google cache somewhere. I'm remapping the joint and I've noticed alot of redundant articles have been removed. What's even odder is that even the article itself has been removed the Tb is somewhat intact. Again, I'm still assessing the damage done from the upgrade, alot of it is formatting errors after converting it from CGI <br><br> Where to find time travellers? You don't, you just stumble upon them. If you follow their travels you will notice their patterns and we are fairly easy to track. Once you know our routine feel free to say hi, we are a friendly sort. I will give you a declassified one: thread 21000. That was closed. There is also the thread the ZONE folks use as a gathering point when the ZOne is down, but that is still active. <br><br> Hate to be vague, but we are protective of one another

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 11:08 a.m. CST

    C'mon Orcus... Aquaf@g isn't dead...

    by Admiral_Kirk

    He's just sleeping... very deeply... so deeply that he doesn't wake up when I poke him with a stick... but he's not dead... really, he's not dead... right?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 11:10 a.m. CST

    I never said he was dead

    by 0rcus

    Just that the thread is closed. Hey, the post count went from 116 tp 113 to 99. I suggest we cool it

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 11:38 a.m. CST

    I'm still angru about Blade 2

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    The first one was great but Blade 2 sucked my cock and spat my jizz back in my face and a little bit went in my mouth. Why did you guys have to bring back the bad memories?!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Aqua is in HIBERNATION

    by finky089

    and when he awakens, it'll be like a grizzly, fresh from slumber and hungry to ravish anything in its way.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 11:57 a.m. CST

    And my favorite part of the Blade movies: End Credits

    by finky089

    when I turned it off, cuz I never paid to see them in the theater. Just couldn't. Even with Biel in the 3rd one.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, noon CST

    Harry, way to swoop in and cause temporary blindness

    by finky089

    from reading your post, my eye may never recover. <p> and if your story does hold any particle of truth, I tip my cap you, you firescalped fiend!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:11 p.m. CST

    It looks like 2589 may do...

    by Admiral_Kirk

    What the wicked witch couldn't... and tame Dorothys Taint...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:19 p.m. CST

    ah wait a minute there 5and5make12

    by Deus Vult

    how do you know who repligin is?<p>besides, he doesn't have his OWN machine, he uses John Titor's machine. <p>...or does he?...<p>and is repligin behind the deleted talkback conspiracies?<p>If so, how?<p>Where is Ikimono, I need answers!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    So, AICN is no more than Harry's oral fixation?

    by S-Mart shopper

    fuckin awesome!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Oy gavalt

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Harry, personally I loved the review. I can remember when I first read it...it was a sunny, but chilly March afternoon, and the birds were chirping outside. I told my nephew about this teh cool spoiler site that would probably have some Blade II news. He loved the first one (despite being eight years underage), and I figured I'd read out Harry's review for him<p> </p>Cut to five years later and he's now a pot-smoking juvenile delinquent who got held in the police station the other night for throwing a brick through the window of a charity shop.<p> </p>Sometimes I think of that hateful, spiteful husk of a man-child, and I try to trace back the point where things first went awry. Yep, it was this review that did it.<p> </p>(Well it was either that or Janet's nip-slip...)<p> </p>So Harry, how's about I take YOUR nephew to see the Suicide Girls next Sunday, if he's free. ;-) <p> </p>Thanks for the memories dude, and I still love the review.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Seppukudkurosawa, wazzup!

    by 0rcus

    Dude, did you get my email

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:37 p.m. CST

    A question for you, 5and5...

    by Dick Nicely

    Why do you call it the Repligin Machine?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:46 p.m. CST

    16641...

    by Hairy Nutsack

    Visit 16641, Neil Cumpston's review of The Return of the King, funniest damn thing ever posted on AICN.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Orcus!

    by seppukudkurosawa

    RE: "Well it's 2007" e-mail.<p> </p> Sorry for not replying, but yep I did get it, and it's some very juicy stuff. I was just waiting until I happened to stumble across a few old Orcus entries in the talkbacks like I did a few years ago (under a different account name...). Also, from what I hear from people like Deus Vult, Memento Mori's gone crazy again. The only reason why he's not locked this talkback yet is because he's currently in London to visit some film sets (and some UK Zoners). Which is kinda strange, seeing as Harry got a kick out of seeing this review bumped back into the Top 10 again. Whose site is this after all? I like Moriarty and all, but he does tend to be like the "Eine dunkle Gestalt" (sinister figure) behind Harry's grinning, jolly red-headed German (sorry, I just got back from seeing Black Book, so I got Nazis on the brain). I wonder whether it'd be even worth investing into posting in all these past talkbacks if Mori's only going to delete them/ban me. And like I said before, can it REALLY be that hard on the server?<p> </p>Ah well, keep on keeping on Orcus. And I'm glad to see all these little treasures you've unearthed along the way; at least all your hard work hasn't been for nothing.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Who is seppukudkurosawa? And how does he know me?

    by Deus Vult

    Sepp--do I know thee? Have we ever been acquainted? are you secretly ikimono? may have misspelled that, too many glasses of wine at dinner.<p>And are you some sort of repligin/titor person?<p>what world line are you from then? how do you know Orcus?<p>Orcus, please answer the above questions. <p>Has anyone seen repligin? do any of you know 5and5makes12?<p>if so, what world line is he from?<p>By the way, you can't hide the truth from me forever.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:05 p.m. CST

    This just turned bad, fast.

    by Finchmeister

    Harry that's fucking disgusting.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Orcus, who are you talking to?

    by Deus Vult

    I have a zone account but don't know what a PM is. should I? were you even talking to me in the first place?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:23 p.m. CST

    no prob but a pm question in re the zone

    by Deus Vult

    I don't get how to find people in the zone to post a pm to them. clearly you know how. can you explain?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:48 p.m. CST

    see now I tried that but it didn't work

    by Deus Vult

    the search function only seems to work if you wanna find posts not actually people unless I'm using it wrong. is that what it is? I'm going nuts in the zone. its such a strange place to navigate.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:04 p.m. CST

    well thank you Mr. Wolfpack, Esq, but who might you be?

    by Deus Vult

    pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm afraid Orcus and Ikamono speak in cryptic language to confound me in my search for the truth about who is who on this site. but that won't last. Deus Vult has many allies and will uncover what cannot be covered!<p>or something...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:49 p.m. CST

    in actuality I don't get it

    by Deus Vult

    cinco y cinco I don't get how you FIND people to PM in the zone. I appreciate wolfpack's explanation but it sounds quite hard. perhaps its easier than I think? don't know for sure. can't concentrate on anything for long.<p>I really need some excedrin migraine but it's loaded with caffeine and if I take some I'll be up till 3am wired on it. can't have that. must...work...tomorrow...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 10:09 p.m. CST

    well cinco y cinco you're right/honest about one thing

    by Deus Vult

    and that's your comments on the zone. in fact, you said what was precisely on my mind...its as if...you read my mind! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 1:14 a.m. CST

    best talk back ever?

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    methinks it's true.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 3:20 a.m. CST

    Holy Shit

    by DirkD13"

    What an insane face-fuck of a review. I'd heard it was slightly mental, but that blew my mind (and swallowed the load).

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:33 a.m. CST

    yea alright Ive got some protein bars packed & xtra sox

    by Deus Vult

    so Im read for the journey orcus, but let's get started asap. my mobile phone is on the outs thus I'll have to stop by the verizon store during our journey if that's okay with you.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:33 a.m. CST

    yea alright Ive got some protein bars packed & xtra sox

    by Deus Vult

    so Im ready for the journey orcus, but let's get started asap. my mobile phone is on the outs thus I'll have to stop by the verizon store during our journey if that's okay with you.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:33 a.m. CST

    yea alright Ive got some protein bars packed & xtra sox

    by Deus Vult

    so Im ready for the journey orcus, but let's get started asap. my mobile phone is on the outs thus I'll have to stop by the verizon store during our journey if that's okay with you.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:36 a.m. CST

    stupid uneditable posts!

    by Deus Vult

    yea I've double-posted before, but a threepeat? for shame.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:42 a.m. CST

    3peats are tough - be proud Deus

    by just pillow talk

    Perhaps today is your groundhog day?

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 11:12 a.m. CST

    the only posts being deleted are the critics

    by RKDN Del Sol

    My post was nothing more than to say that this review was college newspaper worthy, and anybody over the age of 21 who writes something like this needs to reconsider how they're spending their life. Bam - post deleted. If you're going to publish rubbish, you have to be prepared for the commentary.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 11:16 a.m. CST

    okay orcus done

    by Deus Vult

    waiting on an explanation.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 11:16 a.m. CST

    okay orcus done

    by Deus Vult

    waiting on an explanation.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Orcus... You weren't kidding...

    by Admiral_Kirk

    Aquaf@g's slumber is truly deep... much deeper than I had thought...

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 1:11 p.m. CST

    I just got off the phone with 2007...

    by Ribbons

    ...they said something about a juggfuckled? Anyway, be on the lookout.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 1:42 p.m. CST

    chickychow's right

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Stop posting with nothing to say<p> </p>...<p> </p>...<p> </p>...<p> </p>...<p> </p>...<p> </p>...So, how about them Bears?

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Snakes on a Train!!!Blade2 is the best of the three!

    by Snikkar124

    But why talk about it now.It was fun to bust chops about the whole "got of the phone with Del Toro" thing,but none of this will get Snakes on a Train made eny faster people!!!

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Enough with the bears

    by godzillasushi

    They are evil. Colbert got it right. Colts are nice little creatures....WTF is everyone posting here for again?!?

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Bears are on notice...

    by Admiral_Kirk

    That is all...

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 7:36 p.m. CST

    that this review was written in 2002, and is now in the

    by Amy Chasing

    top talkbacks of 2007 - well, I guess it can be said that it left an impression.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 10:02 p.m. CST

    you know what would be really funny?

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    if we all just stopped posting in here starting right....now!

  • Jan. 25, 2007, 4:37 a.m. CST

    Hey, as long as you guys are time travelling...

    by BannedOnTheRun

    could you do an old soldier right and help me bop this one to the top? www.aintitcool.com/node/9819

  • Jan. 25, 2007, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Join me. http://www.aintitcool.com/node/5599

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    http://www.aintitcool.com/node/5599

  • April 11, 2007, 8:16 p.m. CST

    wow...that review gives me a terrible mental image

    by jrbarker

    of Harry naked, eating pussy

  • April 22, 2007, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Yikes...

    by Pennsy

  • June 26, 2007, 1:10 p.m. CST

    ah yes...

    by just pillow talk

    I remember this grotesque review coming back. Good to see you Orcus..

  • Oct. 28, 2007, 9:41 p.m. CST

    NOT FIRST!

    by Pennsy

    ;)

  • Jan. 22, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Harry has chosen vagina, and here's why...

    by Badger999

    ...because who wouldn't?

  • May 14, 2008, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Vagina Denta

    by Kampbell-Kid

    I wonder if we'll see any form of Del Toro's pussy trama in The Hobbit?

  • Jan. 28, 2009, 11:20 a.m. CST

    test

    by orcus

  • Jan. 28, 2009, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Whoa! This thread was unlocked??

    by orcus

  • July 19, 2009, 7:28 a.m. CST

    This review sucks

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Harry is a hack

  • Jan. 25, 2010, 10:33 a.m. CST

    after the screening we had sex in her car behind the State Capit

    by thecomedian666

    yeah right - like you could fit in the back of a car to have sex - please you fat ugly fuck - stop lying. it makes you even more pathetic since WE ALL KNOW YOUR FULL OF SHIT. BUT PLEASE CONTINUE - ITS HILARIOUS.

  • May 4, 2010, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Wow, even more life?

    by orcus

  • June 19, 2010, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Orcus, here it comes.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 does not mimic Mimic.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 is a reimagining of The Hobbit.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 out Cronoses Cronos

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: now featuring Nick Fury as Whistler.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 shows more backbone than The Devil’s Backbone.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: now featuring Tony Stark as Scud.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes Hellboy look like… a boy.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: now featuring Thor as Nomak.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes Pan’s Labyrinth look like a fairy tale.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: now featuring The Incredible Hulk as Chupa

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: makes Hellboy 2 look like a sequel.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: now featuring the Black Widow as Reinhardt.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes At the Mountains of Madness seem mad.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 now featuring Captain America as Blade’s sunglasses.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes Splice not as nice.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Blade 2, ‘cause Matt Schulze needs more work.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 starring Matt Schulze as that one guy from Blade 1.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Blade gets made.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Aliens for Catholics.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Blade 2’s success brought us Blade Trinity. Damn.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 deleted scenes commentary, “Look at that fucker!”

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 the vagina dentata prequel to Teeth.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Snipes at the height of his career.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Electric Boogaloo.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Blade Sharper.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes Speed look like a slow ride to grandma’s house.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: With a Vengeance.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: The Vampires Strike Blade.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Attack of the Blade.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes The Dark Knight look like a crime saga.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 makes Flash Forward look like a failure.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: now in post converted 3D motherfucker!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Avatar with Vampires.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: these vampires actually graduated from high school.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Blade 2: Trueblood. Blade’s gotta eat.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 is this year’s sexiest tomboy beanpole.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 Talkback: Starring Orcus and seppukudkurosawa

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Blade 2 Talkback: I’m bringing it back.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Bringing this back is like fingering a clit.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:27 a.m. CST

    That one's for you, Harry!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Even I have my limits...

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:28 a.m. CST

    I'm failing at this... just like my life.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Just a saturday morning watching Blade 2.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Someone's gotta see this talkback reborn.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Every few years this needs to return in force.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Blade the Series? Good? Bad? Sticky Fingaz?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Why am I doing all of Wesley Snipes work today?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Edit button, didn't work. Weird.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:32 a.m. CST

    I must at least overtake Merrick's "The Enemy!"

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Toy Story 3? I'm still waiting for a story for Blade 3 to kick i

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:33 a.m. CST

    let me redo that one.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Toy Story 3? I'm still waiting for a story in Blade 3 to kick i

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Fucking character limits. Needed but annoying.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Toy Story 3? 'still waiting for the story to Blade 3 to kick in

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:36 a.m. CST

    3rd time's the charm, except with Blade.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:36 a.m. CST

    ROBOOT! BLADE BEGINS!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:36 a.m. CST

    THE DARK BLADE.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:37 a.m. CST

    THE DARK BLADE RETURNS.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:37 a.m. CST

    It's a slow day today.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:38 a.m. CST

    I'm hoping the weather clears in my Northern Socialist State.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Someone? Somewhere? Obviously not here.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:39 a.m. CST

    There is no Blade in this dojo?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:39 a.m. CST

    I don't know, but it sure smells good?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Jettl93 how's the Blade rewrite coming along?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Blade is an OUTLAWWWWWW!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Nipples on Blade = Flames on Dr. Horrible.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:42 a.m. CST

    AVATAR 2: FOR EVAR!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:42 a.m. CST

    It's coudy outside. The tornadoes are gone.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Bring back the live action TICK!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:43 a.m. CST

    TICK movie? Yes, please!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:44 a.m. CST

    IT'S A LION!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:44 a.m. CST

    IT'S HUGE!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Chocolate covered pussy juice.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Harry, was that Hershey's or that magic shell stuff?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:45 a.m. CST

    You nkow, trying to understand the logistics.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Edit button, didn't work again. Weird.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:46 a.m. CST

    You know, for kids!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:47 a.m. CST

    I wanted more product placement in Toy Story 3.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Ooooo, I got my eyes on you, Star Trek Talkback.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Jonah Hex is a Whistler orgin story? Get out!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Having a blast talking to my imaginary talkback friends.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Holy shit! Stringer Bell got shot!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Dallas was just.... a dream?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Did the Fonz just jump a shark?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:51 a.m. CST

    I better hit rewind on the DVR.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Yes, the Fonz did jump a shark.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:52 a.m. CST

    He's lucky he didn't get bit.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Being a shark and all.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Oooo, Battlestar is on!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:53 a.m. CST

    GOD DID IT! Really, Battlestar, really?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Oh Battlestar, you could've gone down in epic style.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:54 a.m. CST

    You'd think SyFy could have hired a writer for Battlestar's end.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:55 a.m. CST

    "gone down in epic style" YEAH! HARRY STYLE!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:55 a.m. CST

    The alternate timeline is PURGATORY? NO WAY!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:55 a.m. CST

    YES WAY!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:56 a.m. CST

    WAY LAME!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:57 a.m. CST

    LOST's ending was like a kick in the nuts w/a slash in the neck.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:57 a.m. CST

    The last episode of Seinfeld has improved over the years.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:58 a.m. CST

    I suppose I should check out how this Talkback is doing.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Not sure if I can outpace Star Trek.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:59 a.m. CST

    it's good to have goals.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 11:59 a.m. CST

    It's good that everyone went to the lake this weekend.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, noon CST

    I wonder when Orcus will show up?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:01 p.m. CST

    seppukudkurosawa, what is Tara Reid's going rate?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:02 p.m. CST

    I'm kind of bored, thought I'd hit an ATM & give her call.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:03 p.m. CST

    I would make her reenact scenes from Princess of Thieves.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:03 p.m. CST

    I thought I could spray tan her and get her in Transformers 3

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:04 p.m. CST

    She could be some orange milf that catches Sam's eye.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:04 p.m. CST

    Whatever happened to that other girl from Transformers?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Kristanna Loken must've been too busy for Revenge of the Fallen

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:06 p.m. CST

    I see you Star Trek Talkback, I see you!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:07 p.m. CST

    I use Aviator sunglasses with my Aviator playing cards.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Let's grease up Tara Reid with some triple action antibiotic.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Star Trek? More like Star Wreck!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:08 p.m. CST

    I'm talking about Tara Reid here!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:09 p.m. CST

    She was so hot in The Big Lebowski.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:10 p.m. CST

    She could've been the first Anna Farris.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Dude, To Live And Die in L.A. kicks ass.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:11 p.m. CST

    I expected more from the Wolfman remake.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Star Trek mocks my existence.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:14 p.m. CST

    eXistenZ?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:14 p.m. CST

    GOOD? Yea or nay?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Where is the Tick vs. Season 3?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:15 p.m. CST

    I'm gonna slay you Star Trek Talkback!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Harry, this is hard work bringing this back.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:16 p.m. CST

    How about Gargoyles on DVD?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:17 p.m. CST

    There was a cartoon called Galaxy Rangers.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Robin Hood: Kingdom of Heaven Edition. 'buy that for a dollar.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:18 p.m. CST

    When does the new Tool album come out?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Capone, you are in my sights. Please apologize.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:20 p.m. CST

    The Mind of the Married Man. Where is Season 2?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:21 p.m. CST

    I have Hellboy Animated on blu-ray, but where is the short?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:22 p.m. CST

    I would love a VCR transfer as a bonus on a blu-ray.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Just because, man, just because.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:23 p.m. CST

    The Crystal Skull is real? Get out!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Tip your bartender.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Do they check the miles in my squad car?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:25 p.m. CST

    I'm shooting for the most annoying Talkback comeback.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:26 p.m. CST

    I SHALL CRUSH JONAH HEX!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Hex? I could write a better movie.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:27 p.m. CST

    MMM Megan Fox, on next week's behind the music.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Too bad about the whole Jennifer's Body thing.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:29 p.m. CST

    She's dating Brian Austin Green? That guy from DOMINO?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Kyle Reese's brother?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Go ahead Eastwood, make my day.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:30 p.m. CST

    I'm feeling like a lucky punk.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:31 p.m. CST

    DiCaprio in a dress will look like Kurt Cobain.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Monsterpocalypse, there is no way I can bring it.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:32 p.m. CST

    I've brought this back from death,

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:33 p.m. CST

    This Frankenstein's Monster of a Talkback.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:33 p.m. CST

    I expect Harry to go down on his wife tonight.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Yoko owes me.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:35 p.m. CST

    I'm still hoping for Cuaron for the Hobbit.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Imagine a 20 minute continous shot of the Battle of 5 Armies

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:36 p.m. CST

    Blomkamp is cool though.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Where is everyone?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Must be at Jonah Hex.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Jonah Hex is an OUTLAWWWW!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:38 p.m. CST

    PASSION OF THE CHRIST live-flog @ 8 pm PST

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

    Hey all, I will be live-flogging Mel Gibson's PASSION OF THE CHRIST tonight at 8 pm pacific standard time. For anyone who wants to join in the blasphemous fun, I present my recipe for Cheeses of Nazareth Nachos (AKA Gnostic Nachos):<p>1/2 pound Velveeta cheese (cubed)<p>1 cup shredded pepper jack cheese<p>1 cup fresh shredded Parmesan cheese<p>1 cup shredded colby cheese<p>1 "hellish" habenero chili (or 1 "Judas" jalapeno)<p>1 can "resurrected" refried beans<p>1 can "children of God" chili<p>1 package "tasty temptation" tortilla chips<p>Optional: "Mount of" olives,1 chopped "ordained" onion, and 1 cup "sacred" sour cream. And don't forget to wear a "shroud of Turin" bib, as these nachos are messy! Oh, and be prepared for a "poop-Pieta"!

  • June 19, 2010, 12:38 p.m. CST

    I guess I should go to a movie.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:39 p.m. CST

    CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK, now that's funny.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:40 p.m. CST

    How about some Holy Water in that recipe?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:40 p.m. CST

    We could dip some wafers in that cheese.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Dude, that's a lot of cheese.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Holy water, sweat of your brow, and blood also optional

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

    But I choose to not include those ingredients in my nachos. I'm not fucking catholic, you know?

  • June 19, 2010, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Blood sausages mixed with wine.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:46 p.m. CST

    With a dash of palestinian dust (brought to you brom Israel)

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:46 p.m. CST

    not "brom" but "from" LOVE THAT EDIT BUTTON!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:47 p.m. CST

    I hate ruining a funny with a typo.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Nation of Israel band Palestinian Dust, now at Sam's Club.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:48 p.m. CST

    I just read every post.

    by Delagoya

    I have no life.

  • June 19, 2010, 12:48 p.m. CST

    fuck. I did it again!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Nation of Israel brand Palestinian Dust, now at Sam's Club. A da

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:49 p.m. CST

    A dash will do you.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Delagoya, you have no life? I wrote most this shit!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Delagoya, this is a famous AICN review, I brought it back for yo

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 12:52 p.m. CST

    Being a legendary review, it's a small Talkback.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Back then Harry was wookin pa nub.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Ready Player Two: It's Virtually Real.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 3 p.m. CST

    Blade 4 Back For More

    by hitchens

    Stereotypical Evil Archer would see it. That's gotta count for something. Someone might compare that feature to buttfucking?

  • June 19, 2010, 3:02 p.m. CST

    S.E.A.

    by hitchens

    really noble resurrection of this talkback. Whatta guy.

  • June 19, 2010, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Blade 4: Just the Tip

    by emu47

  • June 19, 2010, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Harry's analogy makes him come off as horny or gay

    by brodiebruce_405

    or both. You know he's either: a) so horny he's seeing pussy in a shitty action film b) imitating straight male behaviour incorrectly as Tom Cruise did on Oprah's couch. He sounds more like Kevin Smith's older, fatter, stupider and hornier brother.

  • June 19, 2010, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Harry cyberraped me

    by brodiebruce_405

    and it took me years to notice :(

  • June 19, 2010, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Blade 5 - The Pandorica Opens.....

    by DoctorMoz

  • June 19, 2010, 4:03 p.m. CST

    After re-reading the review, I am torrenting Blade 2

    by DoctorMoz

  • June 19, 2010, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Obviously I remember this review

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    but not having read it since it was first published, I am amazed at how over-the-top ridiculous it is. It's just bugnuts insane.

  • June 19, 2010, 4:51 p.m. CST

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    by Nachokoolaid

    How did I miss this review? This is possibly the funniest thing I've read on this site.

  • June 19, 2010, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Viva La Chocolate Covered Punani Squeezins!

    by ebonic_plague

    Yoko must be a very understanding woman.

  • June 19, 2010, 5:17 p.m. CST

    a deep dicking

    by Denty420

    Reminds me of a dodgy fish and chip shop on a saturday night.

  • June 19, 2010, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Going for number 1...

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 6:14 p.m. CST

    Top Talkback! I sure wasted my Saturday.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Time to start drinking Captain Cokes, I'll check back when I'm d

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 6:18 p.m. CST

    The secret is to coat the ice cubes in rum before you add more r

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • June 19, 2010, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Remember when Blade was Marvel's top movie series?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    Sort of.

  • June 19, 2010, 6:32 p.m. CST

    Evil Archer: you are a true BLADE RUNNER

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

    God bless your wet-chinned, thigh splitting soul!

  • June 19, 2010, 6:53 p.m. CST

    I wonder

    by brodiebruce_405

    if we can make this the top talkback of all time? Thanks Evil Archer.

  • June 19, 2010, 6:56 p.m. CST

    The Dark Knight was like analingus

    by brodiebruce_405

  • June 19, 2010, 6:57 p.m. CST

    Spider-Man 3 was like cum in the face

    by brodiebruce_405

  • June 19, 2010, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is like tromboning

    by brodiebruce_405

    or when you shove an erect nipple in your jap's eye? so she's penetrating you?

  • June 19, 2010, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was like Harry sitting on you

    by brodiebruce_405

  • June 19, 2010, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Blade: The Series was like a glass bottom boat ride

    by brodiebruce_405

    and I am not speaking literally

  • June 19, 2010, 7:06 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: RISE OF JONAH HEX

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

  • June 19, 2010, 7:09 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: OBAMA NATION

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

  • June 19, 2010, 7:19 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: TOY STORY 3

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

  • June 19, 2010, 7:19 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: EVER AFTER

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

  • June 19, 2010, 7:23 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: CRY OF THE WOLF

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

    Ya know cuz its everything is vampires and werewolves these days.

  • June 19, 2010, 7:27 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: RISE OF FEMA

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

  • June 19, 2010, 7:28 p.m. CST

    BLADE 4: BOYZ IN DA CLIT HOOD

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

  • June 19, 2010, 7:35 p.m. CST

    LOL

    by HEADGEEK

    Hope you guys are having fun, love having BLADE II review back on top where it belongs!

  • June 19, 2010, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Blade 3 is gonna suck hard

    by kingoflight

    Love being right :D

  • June 19, 2010, 7:50 p.m. CST

    btw, HELLBOY wasn't DEEP DICKING

    by HEADGEEK

    that was HELLBOY 2. PAN'S LABYRINTH was a 3 way

  • June 19, 2010, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Blade II review belongs back on top

    by brodiebruce_405

    I hope it's everyones first taste of AICN. Probably be their last, too.

  • June 19, 2010, 8:26 p.m. CST

    PAN'S LABYRINTH is like having a girl sit on your face

    by CRISPIN_GLOVERS_ACID_FLASHBACK

    While another girl rides your disco stick and eats out the other girl's ass. And Nazis are there, too.

  • June 19, 2010, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Hellboy 2 is like getting deep dicked in a fatty spit roast

    by brodiebruce_405

    by Harry and his celeb "friend" Guerilla "Del" Toro

  • June 19, 2010, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Do you think Del Toro ate Harry's pussy as a "thank you" ?

    by brodiebruce_405

  • June 19, 2010, 9:43 p.m. CST

    When I watched Blade II, I farted a bunch of times

    by brodiebruce_405

    Did that turn Harry and Del Toro off while they licked under my cock?

  • June 19, 2010, 9:50 p.m. CST

    idle hands and all that

    by frank cotton

  • June 19, 2010, 10:37 p.m. CST

    This review always turned my stomach,,,

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Grave

    The thought of Harry, saliva and pussy juice soaking his ginger beard, devouring a snatch like a bucket of KFC, and with chubby, sticky fingers parting the labia, created a foul picture in my mind. Fat people and oral sex don't mix.

  • June 19, 2010, 11:36 p.m. CST

    Weird

    by lochkray

    weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. Of course, it could explain why I felt sodimized after paying to see Blade 3. It's a theme.

  • June 20, 2010, 12:31 a.m. CST

    Cronos showed contempt for the vampire genre

    by chien_sale

    Funny that they gave Blade to Del Torro after that

  • June 20, 2010, 5:41 a.m. CST

    SILENCE WILL FALL

    by RICHARD_GERE_RAPED_MY_GERBIL

    NEXT SATURDAY ON BBC ONE!

  • June 20, 2010, 6:22 a.m. CST

    Even odder than his cunnilingus-themed review...

    by SOMEBODYS_SOMETHING_SOMETHING

    is his shameless name-dropping. "Me and Del Toro are brothers?" Please.

  • June 20, 2010, 6:29 a.m. CST

    This should happen every weekend...

    by SOMEBODYS_SOMETHING_SOMETHING

    Someone should ressurect and old talkback. Some notable ones could include the Josh Swaney needs to +1 debacle, any of the ScriptGirl ones, the young adult novel excerpts where people started making fanfic like "Truck fuck girl", etc. Better yet, Harry should put up a "classics" section complete with banned talkbackers posts intact for all posterity.

  • June 20, 2010, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Manute Bol is dead....

    by iwasredempted

  • June 20, 2010, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Holy Fucking Shit!!!!

    by AsimovLives

    I have heard before of this infamous review! but now that i have read it entirely... holy, fucking shit!! What did i just read? What did i just read? Holy fucking shit!!

  • June 20, 2010, 12:28 p.m. CST

    telemarketer

    by AsimovLives

    "what kind of a car could Harry penetrate a woman in the back of?"<br><br>A hearse?

  • July 27, 2010, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Good to see people making the pilgrimage

    by savagedave

    to one of AICN's holy sites. This, the Baleback and the CHEETS ON HIS WIFE thread are required reading.

  • July 27, 2010, 12:18 p.m. CST

    digressing from sex references for a moment,

    by thx185

    <p>I really thoughr Blade II was a huge step down from the 1st film. Toro's was all style over substance. Which of course I would have loved that Toro style & design if the substance had been there.</p> <p>In Blade II Snipes had very few lines and relatively little screentime in the first half of the movie. Then the team is introduced and it becomes an ensemble.. and all the Perlman slow-mo scenes just didn't work for me. Again, give me a character reason to be interested in the scenes. Just having an actor with a striking appearance -- but no character development -- is not enough for me to be interested in your movie. A strange followup to the intense and amazing original Blade.</p>

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 8:48 a.m. CST

    BEHOLD! ORCUS COMES FROM THE FUTURE

    by orcus

    Wazzup Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • Oct. 15, 2010, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Eight years on - GEORGE LUCAS - you owe me a pint!

    by workshed

    Motherfucker, stealing my best line for Vader's resurrection! This is still the best review ol' sweaty britches ever wrote for AICN.

  • Jan. 24, 2011, 8:32 a.m. CST

    This looks like crap with IE8

    by orcus

    Sheesh

  • Jan. 30, 2012, 6:53 a.m. CST

    This movie was bad

    by Autodidact

    I remember being seriously hyped for it. I only watched it once and decided BLADE movies were just a bit too stupid to keep watching (1st one is still kinda cool though). I never saw the 3rd BLADE movie... and I see a lot of dumb movies.

  • Jan. 31, 2012, 3:32 p.m. CST

    Jesus, what the hell was Harry on when he wrote this?

    by Nick

    Angel dust?

  • March 9, 2012, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Jesus just responded to Orcus on his blackberry

    by orcus

    It was Mountain Dew and Ho-Ho's

  • March 28, 2012, 11:05 a.m. CST

    HOLY SHIT!

    by thekylegassproject

    someone above referenced harry's BLADE 2 review. i wasn't around then, so i looked it up.<p> i now need therapy.

  • April 7, 2012, 6:37 a.m. CST

    Jesus fucking Christ

    by flax

    Harry, if there is any justice in the universe, you will burn in the pits of hell for this.

  • April 10, 2012, 9:14 a.m. CST

    The funniest thing is...

    by ZodNotGod

    how would Harry even know what it's like to dig on snatch? I can't imagine that foul ginger face buried deep in anything but a big bowl of gravy.

  • April 13, 2012, 1:22 a.m. CST

    I feel sick after reading that. Thanks a lot Harry.

    by Fritzlorrerains

  • April 13, 2012, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Just puked

    by Fritzlorrerains

  • April 21, 2012, 5:26 p.m. CST

    I still remember Harrys Mission Impossible three review

    by emeraldboy

    It was without doubt one of the worst reviews for a film I have ever read. and then there was the delorable campaign for that x men movie. He didnt trash that film on opening day. he spent months and months trashing. disgraceful. stuff. he hated every single aspect of the movie. he even had some guy send him designs for the movies posters and he mocked them for being gay looking. He acted like a volcano of bile regarding that film. this is the same guy who used the term chocolate flavoured puss juice. Hyped up a film called Robo giesha. and all things japanese erotic cinema. Clearly this is a man with a lot of problems.

  • April 21, 2012, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Blade II review: A decade of drench.

    by adeceasedfan

    Still smelly after all these years.

  • July 15, 2012, 8 p.m. CST

    i don't know which is worse....

    by illblowyouforacigaretteandahamsandwich

    the review itself or harry recollection of what happened that night with his fictional girlfriend.

  • It's got nothing to do with your appearance, man. That wording, it's just wrong. Like a girl saying "cum on my HEAD".

  • Dec. 6, 2012, 3 p.m. CST

    I mostly feel bad for Yoko

    by keyserSOZE

    Partly because the site really did start going downhill around the time Harry got married, partly because it must suck to be a mail order bride (that's the only explanation), but mostly for having to engage in any sexual activity with the person who wrote this review.

  • Dec. 6, 2012, 6:18 p.m. CST

    This needs to be resurrected.

    by Nick

    TO THE TOP OF THE LIST!

  • Dec. 6, 2012, 10:20 p.m. CST

    I've seen Jack Reacher for a month now.

    by Cody

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:05 a.m. CST

    I’ve seen JACK REACHER for about a month now.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Just cleared the embargo stage so let’s hop right into it.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Why should you give two shits about this film?

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Well, it is based on a series of books by Lee Child that has huge fans.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:06 a.m. CST

    He found problems.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Now, there’s no Eastern philosophy.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Rambo’s zero to sixty is almost instantaneous.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Shortest distances.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    He keeps things explosive, even if they’re barbs of the verbal side.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    You should not be surprised.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    This film is the second feature film directed by Christopher McQuarrie.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    The first is an intensely violent crime film called THE WAY OF THE GUN.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    McQuarrie is all kinds of sharp.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST

    He writes and directs like a clockwork mechanism.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST

    You always can look and marvel at the film as it comes together.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST

    JACK REACHER is an old school man with internally created way of life.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST

    He’s a man like The Outlaw Josey Wales.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST

    And that’s a very good film to conjure when talking about this movie.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    You’re talking ex-Military badass, never able to return home.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Living day by day the way he lives.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    He’s a violent man.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    He stays off the clock, between the shadows.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    He uses the Greyhound bus system to travel.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:12 a.m. CST

    No ID checks, no tracking.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Always forward.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:14 a.m. CST

    He doesn’t do anything that he can’t live with.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Brutal and not glorified.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:15 a.m. CST

    It isn’t a cool scene… it’s an oddly familiar one.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    He says, GET JACK REACHER.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Well, that’d be telling too much.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:17 a.m. CST

    He smells a frame.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:17 a.m. CST

    When you have Josey Wales in a movie, do you really crave anything else?

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:18 a.m. CST

    She isn’t bad… she’s just doesn’t have THE part, ya know?

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Between Cruise and… WERNER HERZOG!

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Now – I love films like this.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:18 a.m. CST

    God bless him.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:19 a.m. CST

    He’s our Eric Von Stroheim and I adore him.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:20 a.m. CST

    JACK REACHER is made of that pulp – and McQuarrie knows that pulp.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:20 a.m. CST

    He’s awesome.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:20 a.m. CST

    Just like Chief Dan George was awesome in Josey Wales.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Well, OUTLAW JOSEY WALES.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Duh.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:21 a.m. CST

    By miles, because that’s my favorite Eastwood western.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Love it.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Can I mention that film enough?

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 7, 2012, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Now it gets really interesting.

    by FuckinAmateurMan

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 3:26 a.m. CST

    I don't understand it. Why am I here? What is the point of this?

    by L.H.Puttgrass

    This TB, is like, old and stuff.

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 4:02 a.m. CST

    What is the point of this?

    by Twisted Knacker

    Classic films never die, they get rereleased in 3D at 48fps. Same rule applies to classic reviews... or something like that.

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 4:28 a.m. CST

    puttgrass,read the review and be forever damned like the rest of us

    by lookylookymoontard

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 4:33 a.m. CST

    Back to the top of the list again Blade 2 review

    by Walterego

    Weird to read Harry talking about Hellboy and the first Spider-Man movie in the future sense.

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Jack Reacher brought me here!

    by tradeskilz

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 7:34 a.m. CST

    I Can't Believe I Never Posted Here

    by kevinwillis.net

    That's one issue resolved. The review itself is insane. The fact it's a review of Blade 2 makes it even crazier. Harry . . . You are a natural wonder of the modern world. Truly.

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 10:52 a.m. CST

    thunderbolt ross

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    Fuck, it's been more than ten years??? I don't know how much has been said about this review, but I've yet to read the thing that really sums it up. It's transcendent of any pat description, really.

  • Many pot bellied geeks here have ginger coloured belly fluff that will never touch a naked female flesh. unless they happen to brush past a Princess Leia at Comicon!!lol

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 4:47 p.m. CST

    And it's Wesley Snipes who's in prison, not Harry.

    by Gary Makin

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 4:55 p.m. CST

    lookylookymoontard - Aw, Jeez.

    by L.H.Puttgrass

    I guess I'm "damned" now.

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 7:41 p.m. CST

    i never read this review before

    by Rupee88

    curse you guys for bumping it

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 9:26 p.m. CST

    You gu

    by juice willis

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 9:26 p.m. CST

    You gu

    by juice willis

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 9:26 p.m. CST

    You gu

    by juice willis

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 9:26 p.m. CST

    You gu

    by juice willis

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 9:26 p.m. CST

    You gu

    by juice willis

  • Seriously, Harry. You guys are losing readership to novice bloggers using shitty, out of the box Wordpress themes. I've been coming to this site since the earliest of days. I'll hook you up for a song and a dance. We can do so much better

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 10:14 p.m. CST

    read this when it was originally posted

    by Robert Hand

    ...all those years ago. just want to etch my name in here when it shall pop up again.

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 10:39 p.m. CST

    It's hillarious this review is all of a sudden popular again.

    by gruemanlives

  • Dec. 8, 2012, 10:40 p.m. CST

    I've seen Blade 2 for about 96 months now.

    by gruemanlives

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Wow...my first dip in the refreshing pool that is the TB for Blade 2.

    by The_Cellarrat

    I do indeed enjoy Guillermo Del Toro’s tongu.

  • Dare we even contemplate Del Toro and Snipes teaming up again for Blade IV, and the review it could spawn?

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 2:08 p.m. CST

    This review is like 2 girls 1 cup

    by Bass Ackwards

    I couldn't get past the third paragraph, congrats to those who made it farther, heartier men then me. On the one hand, seeing Harry write about sex is embarrassing because, well, look at the guy, are we really supposed to pretend he's an amazing and experienced lover? The way he writes about sex is painful overcompensation for the fact that he clearly has little actual experience with it. But more then that, Harry is physically disgusting, and anything that makes me associate him in anyway with sexual acts is gag inducing.

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 2:19 p.m. CST

    On Harry's Greatest Hits album-

    by A_Banned_Apart

    -this is Side One, Track One.

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 3:35 p.m. CST

    MMMm you’re fingers are wet… enjoy!

    by lox4444

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 4:44 p.m. CST

    FUCK YEAH!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 4:44 p.m. CST

    I love it when the BLADE 2 REVIEW cums back on topic.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • Dec. 9, 2012, 6:56 p.m. CST

    yeesh

    by James

    the fuck did I just read?

  • ...does that make JACK REACHER a rusty trombone? And I guess GET THE GRINGO was a nasty sanchez?

  • Dec. 10, 2012, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Looks like Orcus has visitors

    by orcus

    Better break out the good china

  • Dec. 11, 2012, 3:41 a.m. CST

    I remember this review from my childhood

    by elvenblade

    I was but a middle school lad when this came out, looking up news about Episode II and LotR:TTT. I was excited about Blade II and clicked this link. I had no idea what I was reading. Something died in me that day. Thanks to Jack Reacher and my fellow Talkbackers, I now understand and remember the exact moment I lost my mind, threw away all hope and became an utter sociopath. I didn't much read the TBs back then, being a kid with a 56k modem, but the utter weirdness of this review terrified me. I felt dirty watching Blade II. Now I just feel bad bad for Guillermo del Toro.

  • Dec. 12, 2012, 12:05 p.m. CST

    It's kinda like review porn

    by orcus

    Complete with the smeared mascara and sodden hair

  • Dec. 12, 2012, 4:08 p.m. CST

    happy to help you stroll down memory lane elvenblade

    by FuckinAmateurMan