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Okay. You're back. I guess that means you want to know some specifics. I don't want to ruin the film's surprises, but I do have some examples of what Lucas has done right and wrong this time out. Let's do this by grouping together some quick thoughts on different topics:


Since I was a child, I have dreamed of seeing The Jedi in their full glory. It's that simple. It's that primal. I'm not going to dress it up or intellectualize it beyond that. I was seven years old when I saw STAR WARS for the first time. It marked me. So many hours of my childhood were spent playing with the toys Lucas gave me, and despite what my parents or today's collectors think, those toys weren't made of plastic, and they don't have resale value. Those toys were the images and the ideas and the permission to dream that the films gave me. The idea of owning a lightsaber, of leaving my home behind to ride into Mos Eisley in search of a ship that would take me away from my planet, into whatever adventure my life was going to be... that's the dream Lucas gave me.

And in this film, you'll see The Jedi in all their glory. You'll see them in a fight that is, quite simply, one of the greatest action set pieces I've ever read in a science-fiction script. You'll see more of the way the Jedi Temple works. You'll see children in training, and you'll get a glimpse of their history. You'll see that there are personalities, imperfections, friction. They're not some passive, bland, flawless superheroes. There's political infighting that has led a number of Jedi to leave the order over the years.

I have no complaints at all about The Jedi or the way they're portrayed here. It's a dream fulfilled. Reading the passages of the script that had to do with The Jedi in action or in council gave me a singular joy, an almost chemical buzz. Anyone who saw the Toy Fair photos or who has paid attention to the excellent work of Cinescape's T-Bone or or Episode-X or even such outlaws as darth psychotic or TFN-Sucks has got to have a pretty good idea of how the big climactic Jedi battle in the arena on Geonosis plays out, but it's all about the details. It reads amazing, and by all accounts, it got much, much better on the set. We're going to get to see just why the Jedi were once feared and respected throughout the galaxy. And no matter what else you think about the prequels, you can't be a true fan of the saga if this material leaves you cold. This is what it's all about, what we've all been waiting for. Knowing that Sam Jackson's Mace Windu is a major player this time out gives me an indecent amount of joy, and I can't wait to see Yoda, who sees his own share of action this time out. Watching him weild a lightsaber in a classroom will be strange enough, but seeing him actually engage an enemy in hand-to-hand battle is one of the riskiest things I've read in recent memory. It's either brilliant or completely retarded, and it's a real fine line. I also can't wait to see the way Lucas fleshes out all these other Jedi characters. Here's a chance for the design team to give us something genuinely eye-popping to look at. People who charge Lucas with being a racist are obviously deranged; his universe is overloaded with a multitude of races and species, all communicating, all living together, all dealing with one another. It's as inclusive a fantasy vision as one could ask for.

The Jedi are framed in this movie, set up to look like they wanted to start a war, and now it makes sense to me. Now I can understand how the Republic looked the other way while the Jedi were destroyed in the great purge that is sure to follow the end of this movie. A lie is told that the Jedi never manage to overcome. At the end of this film, the Jedi have no idea who has set them up. They also still don't understand the true nature of the Sith threat against them. And again... the echoes of the future nearly broke my heart, thinking about how Yoda's final years played out, hidden in squalor on Dagobah. The fact that we don't see Mace Windu in the original trilogy speaks volumes about his eventual fate, but we're spared it in this chapter of the film. At the end of the movie, he's ragged and definitely singed from battle, but he's still alive. To me, Samuel Jackson is the winner in the all-time Biggest STAR WARS Geek In the World Sweepstakes. All of us have imagined having a lightsaber of our own. He has managed to go from being a viewer in the audience, herbed up and blown away by the original 1977 film, to having one of the coolest roles in any of the films, a noble Knight in the waning days of the Jedi Order.

And how about the relationship between Anakin and his adopted family? How does he do as a Jedi? God knows he tries, but it seems like he's never really suited to the life. His growing pains reach a dangerous peak in the middle of this film, and much of the plot is driven by his repeated drive to disobey orders. No matter what size role Liam Neeson does or doesn't have in this film (how's that for vague?), the shadow of Qui-Gon looms large over everything we see. Both Obi-Wan and Anakin are obviously influenced by him, by his almost arrogant obstinance, and we see where it came from when we meet the Jedi who trained him in the first place.


Here's the thing that scares me the most.

If there was anything that threw me in those first three trailers, it was the tone of the romance footage in the "Forbidden Love" trailer. There's a fair amount of it in the film, and as I read some of the scenes, I found myself wincing, imagining how wrong things could go. The way the storyline builds to its eventual finish, though, pays it off to such an extent that I think it ends up being worth the trip. The truth is that when you are young, you fall in love with a sort of reckless ferocity that frequently burns down logic and reason, and Anakin is in desperate need of a family. When he sees where Amidala came from and sees the way she's connected to her siblings and her parents, it strikes him deeply. And when his bittersweet reunion with his own mother ends in horror, longing turns to desperation. Anakin turns his back on what he sees as his destiny in order to embrace his one chance at love, and we understand. It is the secret wedding of Anakin and Amidala which concludes the movie, and that's what I was referring to when I said that this normally joyous image chilled me more than anything.

If the chemistry between Christensen and Portman pays off, then this romance could ignite, and it could become powerfully affecting as it unravels later. If Lucas is unable to create a real sense of intimacy between them, then this is going to be the material that causes the most dissent this time around.

I've got my fingers crossed.


Obi-Wan does all the work this time out. Anakin gets to bounce around the galaxy, swept along on a sea of hormones and resentment, but it's Obi-Wan who's doing the legwork, piecing together the mystery that lies at the heart of the film. He's the one who first stumbles upon the clone factories on Kamino. He's the one who learns of the nature of the relationship between Jango Fett and Boba Fett. And it's he who leads the Jedi to their final confrontation with Count Dooku and the Trade Federation and the Commerce Guilds and the Geonosians, setting the stage for the titular attack of the Clones. Obi-Wan is given real personality, even if he is etched on the run. The fact that he's so familiar with Coruscant's underworld is a telling detail, and the way he digs into the mystery, doggedly following each lead says volumes about who he is. He's a man of action, his impulses disguised by his calm Jedi exterior.

He butts heads with Anakin here, but there's a great deal of caring that's developed between them. I don't want to see Obi-Wan face off against Anakin. I dread it. Nothing good can come of it. In my mind, Obi-Wan is the biggest loser in all of this, the one who suffered the most. He is the witness of the destruction of the entire lifestyle he had given his life to, the last one alive, the one who remembers all the misery, who gets to carry all the scars. And that's just beginning here. We see him starting to realize that something's very, very wrong, but he still doesn't know what.


Did Christopher Lee sign some sort of deal with the Devil to guarantee that he was going to close out his career on an impossible high note? Playing both Saruman and Count Dooku is one of the all-time great one-two punches in the history of geekdom. Dooku is my favorite new character in the prequels so far, a former Jedi who left the Order, only to become a leader in a movement that threatens to cause the collapse of the Republic. He's a presence in the film even before he appears, and it's a great build-up. And unlike Darth Maul, we don't lose this guy as soon as he comes interesting. He'll be back for the next film, and I can't wait to see what happens with him. He's the wild card, the thing we weren't counting on when imagining how Anakin took his final steps over to the Dark Side.

If the climactic lightsaber battle involving Count Dooku doesn't become one of the highlights of the saga so far, I will be shocked. As written, it's got all the mythic power anyone could want. Dooku strikes one particular blow that will brings fans to their feet, and there is an elegance to his evil that should make him unforgettable.


You knew we were going to have to talk about him at some point. The good news is that there's very little Jar Jar in the movie. The even better news is that he's used just right. Here's proof positive that Lucas listened to fan reactions. The introduction of Jar Jar is a direct response to fans, and once it happens, there's no way for the audience to bash Jar Jar. Lucas beats you to it, allowing the Galactic Senate to boo and hiss his introduction.

It should also please Gungan haters to note that Jar Jar's major role here is as a decoy. He's set up to potentially die. Someone is trying to kill the Senator from Naboo. That's Amidala when the film begins, but it's Jar Jar after that. Laying him out there in the line of fire should give his biggest detractors hope that there might be a sudden, violent ending to his role in the prequels. And as Andy Dufresne once said, "Hope is a good thing."

Also, Jar Jar's annoying speech patterns have been altered substantially. He's learned a diplomatic dialect that makes him sound much more conventional. His occasional slip is played for humor, but this is verbal, far more low-key than watching him step in shit or stick his tongue in power couplings. Overall, there's very little to worry about here.


Sweet god... the scene with the Tusken Raiders. When Anakin takes his first steps towards damnation in this film, it is surprising just how dark those steps are. We understand the rage that leads him to kill, but we can't justify it. It's murder, plain and simple. And no one sees it. Anakin is alone, and the only one who will ever judge him for these actions is him.

It takes great restraint to define The Dark Side properly. Lucas doesn't fall into the easy trap of making it something flashy or superficial like magic powers. Instead, it's compromise and anger and fear that Anakin gives in to, and it's a lack of control that causes his downward spiral. The saddest part of all this is that he's being pushed toward it by unseen hands, and if he was able to step outside of his own frustration for even a moment, he'd realize it. Instead, Anakin lets himself be manipulated. He can't help himself. We see just how much he is held captive by his emotions in this film, and now it's obvious how Luke is his father's son. That impulsiveness, that impatience... it feels familiar.

By making the greatest evil in this film something that we can relate to, Lucas takes an enormous risk. It's not popular to remind people of their own potential weaknesses. It's always more comforting to pretend that evil only ever comes from the outside, that it's something that can be fought back and killed, obvious because of how it looks. The truth is, we all carry the potential for great evil inside of us, just as we carry the potential for great good. Life is all about choice, and Lucas gently leads us down the path of compromise in this film. For escapism, this strikes surprisingly close to home.


Quite simply, the best bad guy in popcorn cinema history. No one's smarter, and no one's a bigger sonofabitch. There's a moment late in this film when they offer him control of the Republic, where the Senate essentially tries to put the reigns of an army in his hands, and Palpatine demurs. We know just how much cunning and manipulation has gone into getting him to this point, but he plays it perfectly. The Senate practically has to beg him to do it.

I love the fact that Lucas still hasn't been crystal clear about the whole Darth Sidious/Palpatine issue. Nor has he made it evident how such a powerful Sith master could deal face-to-face with the greatest Jedi of the day without being detected. I think there are still twists to come here, and I think cloning might be involved. After all, it's "Sido-Dyus" who ordered the creation of the clone armies in the factories of Kamino. Who's to say he didn't create a new version of himself, free of the Force, to serve as a public face while gradually moving into a position of power? I am literally aching to see EPISODE III to know how Lucas finally answers these questions. Now I remember the delicious anticipation that I felt after I first staggered out of a theater in 1980, Vader's stunning revelation still burning my ears, knowing there were three years to wait before I would have resolution.

In fact, I've enjoyed the last few weeks so much, pondering various ways Lucas could answer the questions he's raised, that I have made a decision.

I'm going to go into EPISODE III spoiler-free.

I don't even want to see trailers for EPISODE III. Nothing. No stills. No news from or even official info from Nothing. I want to walk into that last film the way I walked into the first film: blank.

It was my good friend Harry Lime who suggested this to me. Actually, he simply declared that he was going to do it. He's my best friend, my STAR WARS geek buddy, the one I can go to just to endlessly talk bullshit about the films, and if he's going to do it, then I'm going to do it. This script was so provocative that I want to savor every moment of anticipation between now and 2005. After all, this is it... the last time we get to wait for an upcoming STAR WARS film. I've been a spoiler junkie on EPISODE I and EPISODE II. Why not try another approach for this last time out?


The worst-kept secret in the history of the STAR WARS saga has got to be the relationship between Jango and Boba Fett. They're not father and son in a conventional sense. Instead, Boba is a clone of Jango, being raised as a son. Jango is a great bounty hunter, and his fighting skills have also earned him the dubious honor of being the source material for the genetic material being used to produce the massive clone army that is the focus of all the skullduggery in the film.

Jango and Boba are written like Leone characters. Not a lot of dialogue to weigh things down. They are defined by what they do and by how they do it. Their fight with Obi-Wan and the subsequent chase are intense on the page, and the clips we've seen suggest that Lucas brought the sequences to life with flair and style. Jango's the winner of the Commemorative Darth Maul "Gone Too Soon" Award this time out, but the fact that his death at the hands of one of the most respected Jedi elders is witnessed by Boba Fett, who then manages to rocket to safety, his father's helmet securely in place over his own head, sets the stage for a revenge driven arc in the next film that should be quite chilling.

And on that note, I'm going to wrap this up. I could talk about this script for days, and I'm sure I'll have a hell of a lot to say once I've actually seen the movie. I've spoken to some of the actors from the film as well as guys from inside Lucasfilm and ILM and people associated with the various licensees, and what I keep hearing from all of them is a renewed enthusiasm about the world of STAR WARS. I hear people rediscovering something. I hear hope. I look forward to May with an almost unbearable sense of anticipation. Now, more than ever, I want to see this film deliver on all of its potential. Can you imagine what it'll be like if SPIDER-MAN and MINORITY REPORT and EPISODE II and THE TWO TOWERS all work out this year? Can you imagine how great it's going to be if they all deliver?

Until the day I day, I'll never understand rooting against movies, or wishing failure on anyone, especially someone making something as dear to my heart as a STAR WARS film. I'm sure some of you will feel the need to spray venom in the Talk Backs, but I want you to ask yourselves why you feel the need? If you love movies, shouldn't you be rooting for him to pull it off?

Thanks for your patience, even those of you who roasted me in the Talk Backs over the last few days. I hope this has given you something to chew on, something to rekindle your anticipation as we enter the home stretch. It's March this weekend, which means we're just under 90 days away from the release of the movie.

Maybe those psychos in Seattle weren't as crazy as I thought. Getting in line might not be such a bad idea after all.


I've got a RUMBLINGS coming sometime tomorrow or Friday that'll feature TWIN PEAKS on DVD, Ray Manzarek's book, a great new documentary on They Might Be Giants, new animation pouring out of Atlanta, all sorts of DVD reviews, and whatever doesn't make it into the first column will spill into another one coming up a few days after that. Here's hoping this review will be enough to hold you over until then.

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 27, 2002, 10:27 a.m. CST


    by MinasTirith

    Promising, but LOTR still rules.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 10:41 a.m. CST

    lil' kids and a ferocious Anakin...

    by rocketnumbernine

    If Lucas has the balls to do it right, it will be fun to watch the reactions of little kids as Anakin slaughters a family of Tuskens... ;)

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Not convinced, but I hope it works.

    by gboybama

    What? No midochlorians?

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Wow, I'm excited

    by Bloke A

    I was really uninterested in AOTC but now, thanks to Moriaty I can't wait. However i still think the romance will be sub-par at best.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Sounds Entertaining Enough

    by Fearsme

    I'll quote Todd Solondz on this one: "When you write a film, you think it's 'X'. When you shoot a film, you think it' 'Y'. When you edit a film, you realize it's 'Z'" I wont bad mouth a film i havent seen. Still looks good to me, but the jump from script to finished film is a long one. It is reassuring to know the source material is good, since it is the foundation of a good movie.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Someone refresh my memory...

    by Toe Jam

    The whole reason Vader wears his armor is because he was mortally wounded during a fight with Obi-Wan right? I can't fucking believe I can't remember.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:21 a.m. CST


    by thx777b

    /me bows infront of Moriarty the one and only prophet of the force and its strange ways. I know this is not the chat room... That was beautiful, i am one of the ones that wanted this so much but i took a step back and said to my self "I will not e-mail mor or anything bullshit like that like i did for A.I...that was bad sorry!". I was right trusting you i was right knowing that the old Drew(we have the same name by the way) will not fail me and he will bring the word to the people and the crazy disapointed fans! Moriarty...from now on even if STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES doeasn't come out as good as it reads and feels it will be i will always tank you for uplifitng my hope again...i can't wait...i can't! STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES is for me like the day i will loose my virginity, i am afraid i will not like it or it will be painful, hehehe, but i hope and hope that it will be worth it and nothing like that!:) Thanks you Moriarty, leader of the prophets!:) P.S.I still hate you about A.I!:)

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:21 a.m. CST

    HOLY SHIT!.....this is gonna be good

    by mikeyj83

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:49 a.m. CST

    The real queston is.....

    by metsrulein2k

    Is it anywhere near as good as you thought the episode 1 script was...I cant believe you SW fans are putting yourselves through this again! Unbelievable

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:55 a.m. CST


    by Michel Delving

    Belly shirts. N'Sync. Kids.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Toe Jam's memory

    by Goggles_Pizano

    Yeah, that's right. I seem to recall that he fell into lava or molten metal; no idea where I got that info, maybe one of the novelizations. I guess that doesn't make sense, since a fall into lava would disintegrate your body rather quickly. I don't even know if it's explained anywhere in the original trilogy. The armor's a nice intimidation factor, though.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Very interesting.

    by Eat_Your_Peas

    This review once again highlights why Mori is one of the better writers for this site. Heck, this review reminds me of several of the pieces he did no LOTR. I admit that my expectations have been very low about AOTC. I absolutely loved, LOVED, the original trilogy. As with many of you, my life has been heavily influenced by the Star Wars world. I had all of the toys as a kid in the 70's and would play with them for hours and hours. Do I want AOTC to be a great movie? Very much so. But I plan to keep my expectations in check. I realize that I am no longer an 8 year old, which I think these movies play differently to. I think I will be able to forgive Lucas for a clunky love story if the rest of the movie works. Heck, looking back at the original trilogy, the love story/triangle between the main characters was very simple, and quite honestly, clumsy. Watching the movies now causes a certain amount of cringe factor when certain dialogue is spoken. But the sum is greater than the pieces...

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 12:07 p.m. CST

    I guess the 90's list being finished is a dead dream.

    by Edward Rooney

    Mori forgot to mention the kick ass Jago fett/Mace Windu/three-horned-beast gladiator arena style fight.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 12:11 p.m. CST


    by seoulfalcon

    Mori said something about a non-force having Palpatine. Makes sense. Here's an idea. What if Palpatine really is good. What if he's a clone and doesn't know it. Completely devoid of the force. What if everything he is doing is truly in the best interest of the Republic. The spoiler said the Republic literally had to beg him to take command. Well, what if he really didn't want to. Then he did hoping to help. Enter Sidious...the original template and the master of the Sith. He's been behind the scenes manipulating things. When Palpatine is in a position of command...Sidious swoops in and replaces the time the Jedi discover this, it's too late. The purge has already begun. Just an idea....

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 12:13 p.m. CST

    I'll love Star Wars till the day I day

    by Otto Parts

    ....sorry, just had to get that one in; well, I resisted reading these for all of, oooh - 5 minutes: it's kind of like resisting the desire to jerk off. All in all though, I think this sounds loads better than Ep 1 [which I liked, by the way], although getting too technical with the cloning and romance could be this movie's downfall. That's my 10 cents, Otto out

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Nothing new here

    by tacidblue

    Every thing in this article has been discussed before, this is not new news. I could have written this article, based on all the spoilers that I have read, over the past year. Untill you come with something that has not been discussed before, I call bullshit.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Vader's Armor (spoilers maybe?)

    by peepingthomas

    Actually, in response to the life support factor of the armor, I was told that Anakin and Obi fought, and because Obi new he couldn't beat him he caused an explosion in the hopes of offing him. I think he used a T Det. Needless to say, it didn't quite kill him... That's the tale I've always been told, but who knows?

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Actually Bjarki...

    by peepingthomas

    ...I always kind of thought it would be cool to have one jedi that carried like six lightsabers but never touched them with his hands. He would just kind of sit down in the middle of combat in a meditative state and the lot of them would ignite and circle to defend him while he sat there. then as others bought it he'd add theirs to the mix until there was just a sort of cloud of them buzzing around him. Just a cool image IMO...

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:16 p.m. CST


    by Mifune

    Oh Please may this work. From what Mori says, it has promise, oh bollocks, IT SOUNDS EVERYTHING THAT EP1 SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!! I gave up, but the Force is flowing strong baby! I debated if I should read on or not read on, I say, thank god for impatiance!! Mori, thanks for getting your imortal soul banned from the ranch for that, my faith is coming back.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:23 p.m. CST

    So what Force powers are used?

    by dirtyapes

    Someone did a lightning bolt on Anakin in one of the trailers. What other powers are used?

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Looking forward to May

    by RU486

    Because the semester and year will be over. But, more importantly, because Episode II will be in theaters. I'm looking forward to this movie at which time I'll make a decision AFTER viewing it. I looked forward to LotR: FotR and was disappointed (in the minority), but I'm still looking forward to LotR: TTT, Spider Man, Blade 2, Minority Report et. al. If they suck, they suck. If they're cool, they're cool! Why pre-judge and why bash?

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:28 p.m. CST

    If Episode II sucks....

    by zsasz

    Than I'm going to petition Lucas to have Moriarity(sp) as a consultant on Ep III. His review(spoilers included) restored a lot of faith that I had lost in the franchise. Now only if it looks half as good as Moriarity makes it sound.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:41 p.m. CST

    your "wishing failure" comment...

    by theyak

    it's not that I wish failure on anyone... it's just that I am really tired of lucas using his fans you say he listens to like cash machines, and don't try to defend him on this point. he puts out multiple versions of the same toy because he knows that geeks buy them all, he puts out multiple versions of the vhs tape all the while telling us that there will not be a dvd until all 6 films are finished knowing all the while that he will release one next year (thus making those who love dvd's who bought the tape to watch the movie at home buy the movie again)... I am sick of it. and yea, granted, he might have listened to people about the travesty that was jarjar and lloyd, but too little too late I says. he was probably afraid that if he did another jarjar shit fart joke that people would lay siege to his precious ranch and burn it to the ground... and you know what? film making MIGHT just benefit from something like that. imagine movies in which the creators actually have to WORK to make us believe something is happening, rather than just paying ilm a few million bucks for a lovely computer rasterized and enhanced crap-lousy whatever. so... to reiterate... it's not that I wish failure on star wars 2... in fact, I'll probably be there on opening night (not on midnight thursday, that's too much), but it is nice, from time to time, to see someone on such a high horse fall flat on his face.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:49 p.m. CST

    boba fett's anti-climactic end...

    by BEARison Ford

    really kind of makes all this build-up a huge "Huh?"

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:50 p.m. CST

    I find your lack of faith disturbing....

    by Motterman2K3

    Thanks to the enigmatic Moriarty, we have glimpsed the true potential of a Star Wars film finally worthy of all that title entails. I have higher hopes for this movie than the preliminary word we were getting from TPM. By the way, LOTR was good, but it's no Star Wars!

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:51 p.m. CST

    I'll roast you a bit Moriarty

    by emorr

    Not for being tardy for the review, i'm just happy you did it, but I'll say you won't go into Episode III untainted. You'll read and write everything on it. It's over 3 years away. You'll be tempted by the dark side.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 1:52 p.m. CST

    AOTC is it's own animal

    by sparticusmaximus

    Anyone looking at AOTC through "TPM-lenses", should think of this: War!!!!, Jedi army, Clone troopers, Anakin's dark arc, Obi-Wan a major character, vehicles harkening back to the OT design, Christopher fucking Lee, Yoda leading in battle, Mace kicking ass, Jango fucking Fett (played by Jake the Mus), Padme getting sexy, Gunships, DARKNESS, Dark visuals........................ It's not a "mystery" whether AOTC will just be TPM part 2......AOTC IS IT'S OWN ANIMAL! And don't forget EP3 will be the DARKEST OF THEM ALL.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 2:32 p.m. CST


    by GrandFinally

    To quote the great Jack Burton, "Get to the goddamn point..." You fanboys are among the most long-winded assholes around. Not only is Moriarty's review rife with fragments, run-ons, and spelling errors, it's at least 3000 words too long. But it's your terminally dull, wholly dismissable personal reflections on what Star Wars means to you that give away your amateurish approach. For a thirty year old, you write like shit. That's why most of you fanboys will never get out of the basement and make a film of your own. Not only are you cinematically illiterate, you're illiterate PERIOD.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 2:50 p.m. CST


    by darth_hospodar

    I'm so glad that my initial feelings on the tone and story of AOTC were correct...I don't think I'll tire of my friends saying "ok, you were right, it WAS a good movie, like the OT"... mwuahahaha

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 2:56 p.m. CST


    by CaptEgo

    Hey Grand, Don't be so hard on yourself. Your rant wasn't all that ponderous...Just whiny and bitchy in the ways one might expect of a poor disenfranchised soul whose only joy in life appears to be involved in dumping on people who more *famous* than you. Old Moriarity is several light years beyond the average eloquence I've come to expect from the Web and frankly, your inability to understand how M's personal reactions and relationships to films help make his point just sounds like rammed-pickle bitterness. Here's a nickle, go bitch to people who care. Cheers!

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 2:57 p.m. CST

    I am NOT illiterate!

    by Graah

    My parents got married after I was born!

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 2:59 p.m. CST

    To GrandFinally

    by Motterman2K3

    I'm sorry. I had no idea these messages would be graded. Being a 30 year old Star Wars fan is nothing to be ashamed of, my mom told me so.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Lucas may not be a racist... but if he isnt, hes not too smart

    by TheMatarife

    He obviously should have realized that JarJar would be viewed as a blackface Uncle Tom figure, and the toydarian shop keepers would be viewed as slams against italians. I can't imagine it any other way. He might have as well named jarjar aunt jarjar mima or uncle jarjar or black sambojar. They really look and act like racial stereotypes. You can't look at friggin Watto and say that he is not a total slam on italians. It is posible he did it by accident, or as a kind of tribute to ethnic groups, but it doesn't work out that way.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:07 p.m. CST

    All You of Earth, Are IDIOTS-Plan 9 from Outer Space

    by Lukecash

    This pretty much proves my point of how The Phantom Menance was brilliant in setting up situations that will come to ahead in Episode III. From pure Joy-to troubled time-to complete darkness. You cannot have darkness, without the contrast of light. When you watch Star Wars mvie in order...Including TPM-you say, "So that's where evil is a cute little mop-top boy"

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:28 p.m. CST

    episode 2's merits

    by kurva

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:31 p.m. CST



    You fanboys are sickening!!!! AOTC will be garbage like the four films that preceded it.They are cluttered, badly acted, boring, long, slow, pointless, overproduced , over hyped, with cartoony sfx, and horrendously directed by George (ivory tower)Lucas and the other two hacks.If you want true a true fantasy film that doesnt insult the intelligence of the viewer, go see LOTR,a true classic in every sense of the word. Save your anticipation for films that at least have some glimmer of hope of actually being good! Matrix Reloaded, Matrix Revolutions, The Hulk, Blade 2, Gangs of NY, Windtalkers, Minority Report, Timeline, and 9-11 from Bruckheimer( you just know he's working on it!) Don't be mind numb robots all your life. Break free from the brain cell destroying Star Wars saga. Do so , and it will be industrial, light and magic!!!!!!!! Nuff said.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:37 p.m. CST

    episode 2's merits

    by kurva

    Of course I'll see episode 2. I will enjoy it because I know it will expand the SW universe. Anything else (like being an awesome movie, which I believe Lucas will make it to be) will be an amazing bonus. I've read all the books, and even a lousy story won't break my faith in SW. Afterall, I did buy and read Crystal Star (worst SW book ever...) and I still faithfully buy every story I can get my hands on. What I want to see (in the current run of books) is some mention of Boba Fett kicking some Y. Vong ass. Where is he?

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:37 p.m. CST

    I agree with moriarty

    by Aquafresh

    Why come here just to wish ill will towards a movie? Unless, of course, its DAREDEVIL. Man, that movie is going to SUCK.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:37 p.m. CST

    looks like it could be one hot summer

    by darth claw

    Things like what this film might be are the reasons I am a true film geek, 10 years as a projectionist, 2 years at a video store, and 4 years in film school, yeah I am a film geek. I remember watching ep4, back then it was just star wars, it really did change my life forever. I've never looked at the stars the same way again, or myself. Film now digifilm is the greatest form of art every known in history. It blends all the elements into one beautiful thing, or at least it has potential too. Episode 3 spoiler free...? Thats a good idea. All films have flaws, as do people, but the perfect film is there at least in theory, in the minds of children, and in the hearts of fans. I am sorry you were banned from the ranch. Thanks for writing the review, excellent. I hope this summer is all it looks like it could be... May the force be with all of you...

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:44 p.m. CST

    by Lenny Nero

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:45 p.m. CST

    "It's either brilliant or completely retarded." How true.

    by Lenny Nero

    Sounds like Star Wars, all right.

  • Avoid spoilers completely? I think I would like to try it, but I am not sure it can be done. Now then, it is fun to read about Mort's personal reaction to the script and I don't think a single one of those "spoilers" were unknown at this point, were they? I guess for some, but this info was all pretty much available which only leaves Mort's reaction to it all, which he gave in a clear and honest manner. He did use the word "chilling" too many times. If the whole movie is chilling the effect will be mostly unnoticeable. I do think Mort reads a lot into things that may or may not have been put there by the author/scriptologist. Still, I appreciate his efforts. It will be fun to see the wedding celebration at the end of the movie instead of the usual celebrations we have seen. I wish we, as fans, could relax and just enjoy the film. We place burdens on the franchise that it isn't reasonable to expect it to be able to hold up. I hope I enjoy the film. Period.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Palpatine does NOT have a clone!

    by Lazarus Long

    Let's think logically here. When you see Sidious talking to Maul on Coruscant in TPM, the background of where they are standing is the SAME as the view out the window in Senator Palpatine's office. If you were going to have a clone to do your dirty work in secret, would you have him sneaking around near the people you're trying to keep secrets from? Also, if "Darth Sidious" was a clone free to roam around the galaxy, he probably wouldn't have to appear in hologram all the time. He would have been there on the Nemoidan ship to make sure the Jedis were snuffed problem-free. I know it's hard to read a script like this without imagining all the possibilities, but I think Moriarty is looking for a conspiracy much deeper then the tangled one already present, which is ingenious enough as it is...

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Ep II and fleeting gasps of optimism.

    by rabid_republican

    Let me just say that I enjoyed Moriarty's well ballanced, in depth review of the EPII script. Line for line, both his concerns for the stories dramatic and romantic action mirror my own. His assessment of Lucas making reparations for the glaring flaws of EPI seem sound (we all know pound for pound, the man can do action well, but it doesn't help if you have HOURS OF SUCKERY in between). As for the "spoilers" involved here, Mori covers most everything from a mere character assessment POV, which I considered merciful in comparison to completely spilling the beans. All this said, I am now somewhat more optimistic then I was for EPII, if only just as cautious. See you in line, fan boys.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 5:31 p.m. CST

    Okay, guy I used to work with has the best Star Wars spoiler sto

    by Pallando Blue

    It&#39;s also a great example of uber-geekdom, to the point of losing the ol&#39; priorities. This is what he told me. He, let&#39;s call him "Bob," was about 16 or so when Empire came out, and he and his friends were big-time Star Wars fans, absolutely RABID for the sequel. He couldn&#39;t see it until the weekend, but one friend of his saw it opening night. The next day at school, Bob&#39;s friend comes up to him looking like a ghost, absolutely shell-shocked. Stricken. Bob&#39;s freaking out. Wow! It was THAT good?!? "Better, man, but oh WOW. There is a HELL of surprise in there, that I did NOT see coming." Yeah? Well don&#39;t ruin it for me! I&#39;m seeing it Friday! "Cool, but man, there&#39;s so much stuff that happens, the asteroid field, and Vader&#39;s Luke&#39;s father, and the ice planet! and Yo--" WHAT?!? Holy freaking shit! Darth Vader is LUKE&#39;S FUCKING FATHER??? Holy Flying Jesus! You&#39;re lying! You&#39;re kidding me! OH my GOD that is fucking HUGE! "No hold on, that&#39;s not the BIG surprise! You&#39;ll see! It&#39;s cool!" ...So Bob is hyperventilating, the rest of the day is a haze, trying to reconcile a world in which Vader is Luke&#39;s father, but there&#39;s a bigger surprise than THAT... He blows off his crappy job that night and goes to see Empire--has to, he&#39;s called, there&#39;s no other option. He&#39;s blown away, the scene on the scaffold amazes him regardless, but for the life of him he can&#39;t figure out what else his "friend" could have been talking about. Confronts him next day in school, Bob still dazed from the experience himself but steadily building up a slow boil about having that Vader/Luke connection spoiled. Says Hey "friend," I just saw it last night-- "Yeah? Did ya catch that part?!" What! WHAT part, you asshole! What the HELL was a bigger shock to you than VADER being Luke&#39;s fucking FATHER?!? Friend says with genuine wide-eyed excitement: "Man, I could not BELIEVE that Lando Calrissian used to own the Millennium Falcon! Solo &#39;won&#39; it from him? Holy shit!" ..... ..... ..... After what happened a few seconds later, Bob, having solid grades and no history of violence, was merely sent home early, and a meeting was set up between his parents and the principal. ...If you can&#39;t figure the moral to THIS story, hoo BOYO. But just to tag this... HELL YEAH Clones sounds great! It&#39;s gonna be a good summer! >fingers crossed<

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Also Trying To Be a Ep III "Virgin"

    by RSTStop780

    I was also thinking of trying to go into Ep. III without any spoilers or anything like that, but the temptation would be just too much.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 6 p.m. CST

    I tried to be an Episode II virgin. Look where I am now.

    by Lenny Nero

    I tried. Believe me, I tried.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 6:05 p.m. CST

    Come on...

    by Ernst Blofeld

    I cant believe people are accusing Lucas of being a money grabber! Just cause Peter Jackson makes a film you truly love, you think its okay to be suckered into going to see the movie again by adding a trailer for TTT, and then releasing two separate DVD&#39;s months apart! Personally I&#39;m feverishly excited about AOTC and this review makes me more so. Bring on May. Just got to get my final uni exams done while its going on. Damn its hard taking over the world. Goodbye Mr Bond.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Lenny Nero

    by Darth Melkor

    I here that. I was trying to stay unspoiled but hey I still don&#39;t know a lot. I don&#39;t know what the opening crawl says and won&#39;t... nor will I hear the soundtrack before the movie. I don&#39;t know the fates of most characters, save Jango. I think alltogether I know less than I did about TPM.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 7:05 p.m. CST

    I&#39;m sick of the people complaining about "belly shirts"

    by JTylor

    Cause, if you look at the original "Art of Star Wars" script/production art collection, you&#39;ll see some uniforms, perhaps meant for Leia, which have obviously been adapted for Padme. Pages 22 and 23 show some interesting costume ideas by Ralph McQuarrie that may have evolved into the current designs for Padme. So, come on, the ideas have been there for a while

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 7:12 p.m. CST

    I said it before, and I&#39;ll say it again . . .

    by mascan

    The story in TPM was one that didn&#39;t need to be told, or that could have been told in half the time. AOTC will be the REAL first film in the trilogy.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 7:31 p.m. CST


    by GrandFinally

    I was being "ironical," Zero shmendrick. Like many of the fanboys who worship at the altar of the knee-jerking dweebs on fat boy&#39;s crack staff of contributors, you have absolutely NO CLUE what makes for a good story which would explain why it is you have as much taste as my penis. Had there been no classic trilogy as a point of reference, this so-called prequel trilogy (so-called because this batch of new SW films have no theme or soul...prequels to what exactly?) would&#39;ve been universally dismissed as nothing more than eye candy. By snapping so quickly to the defense of such vapid films, you&#39;re not inasmuch defending SW or whatever the geek flavor of the week is, but more your own limited existense.

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 8:09 p.m. CST

    Not taking sides here, but...

    by Charles Grady

    In this little squabble between GrandFinally and ZeroCorpse, I&#39;m not taking sides, and if anything I&#39;m with Zero here because Moriarty rocks and is the best writer on this site, but I guarantee that now that GrandFinally has attacked ZeroCorpse&#39;s taste and knowledge of storytelling, within five posts- indeed, maybe before I&#39;m even finished with THIS post- ZeroCorpse will have written an essay on his own writing experience and what films he loves, probably down the 75th flick on his all-time best of. You can&#39;t accuse the guy of skimping. Just watch. That said, the complaints about including personal info and bad grammar/spelling have validity when applied to some of the shoddier "scoop" providers who mail Harry anonymous tips, but in the case of this piece I think it&#39;s warranted. Sure, people accuse Moriarty of rambling, but that&#39;s his style, part of his charm, and his writing is FAR more professional and insightful than the more casual contributors here, and is certainly better spelling/grammar-wise than Harry&#39;s (no offense intended.)

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Ahhh, literary allusions!

    by Hardyboy

    So, the Republic begs Palpatine to take the crown, but he refuses? Did somebody say "Julius Caesar?" One of the things us pseudo-intellectuals loved about the original SW trilogy was its allusions to other films, earlier forms of literature, and especially cherished myths. "The Phantom Menace" was totally devoid of a sense of intertextuality, so let&#39;s hope that Lucas&#39;s Shakespeare riff allows us to read more into "AOTC" than we otherwise would.

  • I know I don&#39;t have a chance in hell of making it to 2005 completely clean on Episode III, but there has to be some kind of a limit on information, I mean its still 90 days away and I know like 75 percent of the movie already. Although I gotta say I can&#39;t wait to finally see what I&#39;ve read about for months

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 9:24 p.m. CST

    I am dead.

    by Jehovah

    Well, that&#39;s what they say, anyway. Anyone want to check my pulse? HA! Gotcha! I don&#39;t have a pulse! `Never did! Hey! Are you going to eat that pickle? Oh, wait- Star Wars. Right. You know, all I have to say is why don&#39;t they just come out and ADMIT that it&#39;s MY story. "turn to the darkside" indeed. Why didn&#39;t they just name him Lucifer instead of Anakin? Oh, yeah. Moses-looking Obi-Wan. I get it. You all love my book, but don&#39;t want to seem religious, so you throw in some ray-guns and BLAMMO! You have a hit! And Yoda! Man, oh man... Could they have MADE him look any more like Peter?

  • Feb. 27, 2002, 9:32 p.m. CST

    Zero, meant it affectionately

    by Charles Grady

    Zero, in all honesty, I meant it affectionately. I give credit where credit&#39;s due, and you may be a major blowhard, but you&#39;re a consistent and entertaining one.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 12:43 a.m. CST

    Books anyone?

    by Aurum

    Doesn&#39;t ANYONE here read the books? In "Darth Maul Shadow Hunter", which takes place before phantom menace, Maul talks about how his Master (Sidious) took him right up to the jedi temple and used his powers to shield them from the Jedi. Palpatine IS Sidious.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 3:57 a.m. CST

    The Master Puppateer

    by BlackBeltJones

    First off this was an excellent breakdown of the movie. Nothing too critical was given away, while giving the fans promise of something spectacular happening May 16th. I have some thoughts on Palpatine. This guy is truly evil. Palpatine gets everything going his way without getting his hands in the cookie jar. Evil by manipulation is the worst kind of evil. And he plays his hand beautifully. Guys that motivate their evil through manipulation normally make one mistake -- they try to do their dirty work themselves, and it always does them in. This even happens to Palpatine. Look at the one time that Palpatine has to get his hands dirty, he ends up getting killed by Vader. It always turns out this way, because it is not the way they normally do business. And the way that all this ends for the noble jedi is absolute torture, knowing that there is no way to change the outcome. We have seen the final chapters of the story. You hope there is a way that the ending can change, but it is already done. This movie along with Episode III will truly be EPIC!!!!

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 4:28 a.m. CST


    by spiderblood1969

    Moriarty!! Never,ever mention Spider-Man and clones in the same story again!!

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 5:16 a.m. CST


    by statto4ever

    I shouldn&#39;t have read that.... Damn you spoilers! Why can&#39;t I resist!!!!!

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 5:36 a.m. CST

    It doesn&#39;t matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by Jerry_Seinfield

    Does it matter if Gandalf could beat the shit out of obi-Wan or if Obi-Wan could beat the shit out of Gandalf, or if Jedi

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 6:02 a.m. CST

    Welcome to reality....


    I am stunned and amazed at how you guys are falling for this crap... Did you see the same crappy trailers I did? The acting was ABYSMAL! Shit! This film is gonna be no where as good as you expect it to be and you should know it! A trilogy should be taken as such Ep1 was garbage that means Ep2 will be at the very least Average.. You guys are brainless fools who dont even know what a good sci fi film is! for a start does anyone really give a shit about any of the characters in ep1? If so you dont ask for much do you? If not then why do you think its gonna happen now...jeez! The original trilogy (and Lotr) had peformances that allowed the viewer to go with the flow with the characters..These films have cardboard cutouts. Its proof that fanboys cant tell the difference between a turd or a masterpeice.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Call us cynical, but...

    by Charlie & Tex

    We can&#39;t help but be more than a little cautious, as we&#39;ve been burt before. We live in the UK, the UK being the place where EP1 was shot and yet when the movie was released, we got fucked over by having to wait a couple of months. We were two of the poor bastards who made a trans-Altantic flight to go see the damn thing in it&#39;s opening week. It was a rainy afternoon in downtown Toronto when we were ushered into the cinema (we went with a tour operator that had scheduled trips to go see EP1, some of the others in our group were truly frighenting to be around - the tour guide looked like James Franciscus in a tweed jacket). When the movie started & the credits rolled, we instantly forgot about the negative things we had heard said about EP1, one fan apathetically stating that it was about as good as ROTJ (that should have set the alarm bells ringing). When the theme began and the crawl, uh... crawled, it seemed as though all the negativity could have been misplaced, but as soon as we heard the Nimoideans (or however the hell you spell it) speak in their cod-Japanese "sirry-pirrock" accents & the almost fatal initial exchanges between Liam Neeson & Ewan MacGregor, we began to get that sinking feeling - a feeling that left stayed with us for the rest of the movie. There was a numbness that manifested itself that could only be eased with large quantities of bourbon. (Although malicious fun was had during he trip back to the hotel was fun as we listened to a heated debate between a couple of guys who were trying to work out the true identity of Darth Sidious...) Still, even if the movie was crap, the trip to Canada was nice & Niagara Falls was magnificent... Which brings us back to EPII, we are much more cautious this time around, but it&#39;s hard not to get a little excited about the whole thing, there does appear to be much more stuff in keeping with the spirit of the original movies. Some of the spoilers listed merely confirmed what we thought was going to happen. We&#39;re sure that everybody knew that Jango Fett was going to come a cropper at the end, we thought that it be like the scene in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome where the body half of MasterBlaster cops it & we were right. Question is, if young Boba makes off with the helmet, why does it end up being a different colour? Does galactic fashion dictate a shift toward more earthy colours in later years? Who knows. The watchword here is - CAUTION!

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Damn, that should have been...

    by Charlie & Tex

    ...BURNED before. To misquote EP1 - "Choose caution, George Lucas is not to be over-estimated."

  • I assume this particular blow will be the lopping off of Anakin&#39;s hand? (We&#39;ve already seen that it&#39;s mechanical - like Luke&#39;s own replacement - from the Luke/Vader battle in Return Of The Jedi).

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Best review ever!

    by Greener44

    Kudos Moriarty. Fucking kudos. Great review. You point out everything that can be great or terrible about this movie but it does make you want to see episode 2 and 3 back to back. The only one part is that wasn&#39;t really answered is that does the script flow well. It seems to me that after episode 2 comes out, episode 3 will have to be like three hours long to explain alot of the questions that need to be answered. I like your cloning palpatine thoery, that would really twist the plot. The one thing that you say is that you want to go into episode 3 spoiler free but from your review I think it&#39;ll be hard to do so. We know who survives, who doesn&#39;t. We know Vader uses bounty hunters for the jedi purge. We know the clones are future stormtroopers. But what we don&#39;t know is how. I guess that would be the only spoiler. What most likely will happen is that All the Jedi will disband. Boba fett, even though is very young will be the key to Mace&#39;s death. Aurra sing will be back for episode 3 (if she&#39;s not then why have her in TPM). Palpatine will declare himself Emperor and start to kill off anyone who is no longer use to him (mesa gonna losa my head, this be messy). Jar Jar dead. Some of his non personal aides will be executed like mas ammeda. His army will destory the sepearatist movement, the commerce guild and the trade federation. A new movement will form under Bail Organa and others. The empire will be formed. I can keep going. To tell you all the truth I think that biggest part of episode 3 is what happens to Amidala. Does she commit suicide? Does she take care of Leia from afar on alderaan? Who knows. My point is this we can figure out from watching the original trilogy and TPM and AOTC what will happen in episode 3, I&#39;m most interested in how it all happens. Again Moriarty, excellent review.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 9:21 a.m. CST


    by TheAtarisFan

    I hope we get to see Yoda wield a bunch of lightsabers with his mind.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 9:23 a.m. CST

    goddamn mouse has a mind of it&#39;s own. . .

    by PriestYoungblood

    I really, REALLY wasn&#39;t going to read this. I was gonna wait &#39;til May and go in blind. But my fucking mouse took over, and I was seized by the article. wonderfully written, Mor-Man. Fantastic. if it lives up to this review, I will be a happy man indeed. Fuck the naysayers. Believe me, if it&#39;s bad I will be the first to criticize it, but I will actually SEE the movie first before I bash it. So Lucas stumbled a bit with TPM-so what. Redemption is a couple months away...

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 9:48 a.m. CST

    I trust you Moriarity

    by ewem

    I appreciate the qualification up front about how excited you were about the TPM script and why. I keep that in mind as I read all this, but oh yes, the potential is definitely there for something great. You&#39;ve raised my hopes a bit for this...

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 11:06 a.m. CST

    It doesn&#39;t matter what I say...

    by holidill

    everyone will have the same opinion after they see the movie. THose that hate it will see the movie then come to this sight and say I TOLD YOU SO!! Those who love the film will rail on and on about how great it is. I personally have enjoyed all 4 of the films so far, and I will continue to enjoy them. I may have issues with some aspects of the films,but I won&#39;t let it cloud my judgements on what others think about them. And I agree this LOTR vs. STAR WARS debate is getting old.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Don&#39;t forget

    by Darth Brooks

    No matter how good it gets - the whole series ends with a bunch of fighting teddy bears, and the Empire is up against a Rebel force led by an admiral who&#39;s a trout in a spacesuit. Damn.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 1:38 p.m. CST

    chris lee/ian mckellan

    by trkane

    this review mentioned that chris lee must&#39;ve sold his soul to be saruman and dooku. well, maybe i like x-men more than most people (despite anna paquin&#39;s retarded-ness) but i think sir ian might have co-signed on that contract. especially if there are x-men sequels.

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Well about time...

    by Drcool975

    Took you long enough Moriarty. Well worth the wait. I suppose we will have to brace ourselves for LOTR acolyte

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 5:21 p.m. CST

    The future Star Wars

    by Jehovah

    Don&#39;t worry future guy. I planned this all along. It&#39;s all part of the Apocalypse. It will all be over soon. The "Lazer Sword" thing was a necessary change. You see, the people at Hasbro bought the word "Lightsaber" and applied it to their patent for an actual working model, which they then started selling (covertly) to the U.S. Military. You&#39;ll see the first use of the Hasbro Lightsaber in the upcoming World War III, which I&#39;m getting front-row tickets for! Anyway, after Hasbro started producing the Lightsaber, they switched from toys and games to military surplus and weapons. Much more profitiable, you see? So now, there&#39;s a whole line of deadly Hasbro products, such as the Light Brite backpack, Easy Bake Oven and Torture Device, Play-Doh Plastique, Armor-Piercing Tinkertoys, Mr. Potato Head espionage disguise kit, Playskool Biological Warfare Kit, and the appropriately-directed GI JOE line of Hasbro equipment. Don&#39;t be alarmed, but they also own TRANSFORMERS and are working on incorporating them into the battlefield. One shudders to think of a Sherman tank turning into a robot, or even worse, a robot turning into a dinosaur! Of course, they&#39;re doing it all in MY name, so I guess I have to let them into Heaven or something. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Right. Like THAT will happen. What you people fail to understand is that I already picked the 144,000 people who are going to enter Heaven, and have sent a bus to get them just last week. They should be arriving soon. I know, I&#39;m GOD and I could make more room for good people up here in Heaven, but honestly, have you ever tried to add-on an entire wing to a 5-star Hotel? All the dust and workmen. Not for my Heavenly abode! I&#39;d rather just keep the accomodations we do have JUST the way they are. I already fired the crew that worked on this place, and I REFUSE to re-hire them (They DID try to take it over). Anyway, after your 3rd World War, it will all be over and you can stop worrying about Star Wars. You&#39;ll be dead, so it won&#39;t bother you any more! There. Now who says I&#39;m not a compassionate GOD? (And stop ragging on my screen name. I WOULD have picked one of the million other "more correct" versions of my name, but honestly! This place is like AOL. All the names were already taken and I refuse to post under the name Jah762, Iahovah47, or Yahweh69. So back off. I&#39;m a patient GOD but I&#39;m not terribly good at being criticized.)

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 5:26 p.m. CST


    by Yahweh69

    I resent that!

  • Feb. 28, 2002, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Re: the death of Amidala

    by Corky St. Clair

    I think there are many good possibilities regarding this event, but in my opinion, Anakin should murder her. Towards the end of Ep III he should catch up with her and just run her through with a light saber. Perhaps by order of Palpatine. But regardless, I can just imagine cold and evil Anakin desposing of her without a second thought as she falls to her knees and we can all see the sorrow and residue of her love for Anakin in her eyes. It would require great performances from Hayden and Natalie, but I think with enough work, it could be an amazing moment of drama in the saga. Of course the mutilation of Anakin will be the climax though. Anyway, Episode 2 will rock!!!! I&#39;ll be seeing the midnight show, just happens to be my birthday. I can&#39;t wait.

  • March 1, 2002, 3:17 a.m. CST

    Oh god...........



  • March 1, 2002, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Moriarity you madman you

    by gigantorme

    Damn, you&#39;ve single handedly convinced me that the prequels may be redeemed after reading this review. It&#39;s fucking awesome. I already imaging some of the scenes with the clone factories and the machineries, etc...ILM and their animators/designers will do an excellent job again dreaming and coming up with the places and worlds we&#39;ll see. I would also like to know the secret about the Siths and why there are always two no more no less. Thanks for the spoilers tho, yo!

  • March 1, 2002, 5:55 a.m. CST


    by Jehovah

    You&#39;re telling GOD to get a life? Hmmm. Curious statement coming from someone on AOL... You know, I created AOL to sort the true sinners from the merely ignornant. Still not sure which is which, though...

  • March 1, 2002, 9:19 a.m. CST

    This sound good, but...

    by Kielland

    we all know that this film is going to be crap anyway. There are so many problems and I&#39;m only going to mention the biggest ones. Why are we all so pissed of at N&#39;Sync being in this film, when the lead actor (Anakin) looks like a member of boygroup himself. The same goes for the girl which plays Amidala. She could fit right into &#39;Dawsons Creek&#39;, and that isn&#39;t a compliment! Another kid? Why did they have to make Boba Fett into a kid, is it some sort of attempt at makind &#39;Star Wars babies&#39;? Does there have to be CGI in every scene? Some of are actually awake enough to still spot CGI elements and it can be a real pain sometimes. A good set is often much better. Also, do we really want Star Wars turning into a teenage lovestory? I don&#39;t!

  • March 1, 2002, 11:11 a.m. CST

    To Kielland...


    No we ALL don&#39;t know this movie is going to be crap. Have you seen it yet? Oh, maybe it was the trailers with total of ten minutes worth of footage that you&#39;ve based on why it&#39;s crap. Or what is your dissapointment with TPM that you are going base any future projects from Lucas. As for Hayden looking like a boy band member...come on! If you&#39;ve seen anything on the behind the scene footage you well know this kid carries himself proffesionaly and was probably the best choice for this role. Amidala looking like some teen tv star, well, you&#39;re just having to get over dude because she is fun to look at. and do you really think this love story is just some every day teenage love story? The fall of the Republic is the result of this love story. Besides, why are you and everyone else complaining of that part of this film when we all know this is what has to happen? Again, we all DON&#39;T this movie is gonna suck! I&#39;ll make that decision when I see it. And if you were "smart" you&#39;d do the same.

  • March 1, 2002, 2 p.m. CST

    god damn it, moriarty DOES make it sound good

    by I Won't See AotC

    i&#39;ve got a friend who knows my taste in movies and if he comes back from seeing this with a positive review--i&#39;ll eat my words (and my log-in name) and go and judge it for myself. we&#39;ll see if that happens. of course i&#39;ll never retract my statments of loathing for "the phantom sell-out" or my irritation at the teen-drama elements of AotC. i hope i&#39;m wrong, but i still don&#39;t fully trust this movie.

  • March 1, 2002, 2 p.m. CST

    god damn it, moriarty DOES make it sound good

    by I Won't See AotC

    i&#39;ve got a friend who knows my taste in movies and if he comes back from seeing this with a positive review--i&#39;ll eat my words (and my log-in name) and go and judge it for myself. we&#39;ll see if that happens. of course i&#39;ll never retract my statments of loathing for "the phantom sell-out" or my irritation at the teen-drama elements of AotC. i hope i&#39;m wrong, but i still don&#39;t fully trust this movie.

  • March 1, 2002, 2 p.m. CST

    god damn it, moriarty DOES make it sound good

    by I Won't See AotC

    i&#39;ve got a friend who knows my taste in movies and if he comes back from seeing this with a positive review--i&#39;ll eat my words (and my log-in name) and go and judge it for myself. we&#39;ll see if that happens. of course i&#39;ll never retract my statments of loathing for "the phantom sell-out" or my irritation at the teen-drama elements of AotC. i hope i&#39;m wrong, but i still don&#39;t fully trust this movie.

  • March 1, 2002, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Ain&#39;t It Cool, not Don&#39;t It Suck

    by Kronesman

    I just found this site. It&#39;s great. Star Wars is great. TPM wasn&#39;t everything I prayed for, but I&#39;m excited to see Ep II. Why would you write a message saying you won&#39;t see the movie, save to prove that we are sheep and you are unique and years ahead of the trends, which is obvious. Let me flock to this movie. Our man here wrote a badass script review and I&#39;m psyched to see for myself. Go see for yours. Just shut it.

  • March 3, 2002, 2:50 a.m. CST

    Drew, you are such an eloquent writer.

    by Sabrina

    It&#39;s such a pleasure to read your reviews, whether they are about scripts or films. Not only are they wonderfully written, but you always maintain a very high level of wonder and enthusiasm about whatever you find worthy or fascinating, and it&#39;s very refreshing. It&#39;s also amazing to me that you&#39;re still completely...not jaded about film and Hollywood in general. And I never thought I&#39;d say this after seeing the disappointing Ep. I, but now I actually *want* to see Attack of the Clones. Thanks for renewing my interest in Star Wars, something I more or less left behind long ago.

  • March 4, 2002, 1:04 a.m. CST

    Boba Fett seen coming a mile away

    by Dolgo

    My God please someone else tell me that the first time they heard about the Fetts in Episode 2 they didn&#39;t instantly come up with the "rolling helmet at the feet of Boba Fett. Boba looks up, puts his father&#39;s helment on with vengence on his face!" Good one George another terrible cliche. George has been watching Backdraft I think to much.

  • March 4, 2002, 9:34 p.m. CST

    don&#39;t worry, god told me it was okay...

    by I Won't See AotC

    he said it&#39;s only "cursing" if you believe in him. weee! being irreverent makes me cool!

  • March 5, 2002, 12:14 a.m. CST

    hey dolphin...

    by Westrum

    I said GODDAMN! goddamn...goddamn. that&#39;s for you dolphin. I have no problems with anything you believe...but please don&#39;t force it on anyone. some of us don&#39;t agree, don&#39;t care, or whatever is the case. Oh yeah, this is Star Wars...hell yeah I&#39;ll see it. I get in for free, i&#39;ll see nearly anything. NEARLY anything...i didn&#39;t and will not see Queen of the Damned.

  • March 5, 2002, 5:46 p.m. CST




  • March 12, 2002, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Fuck you troll

    by matrix_sux