There were voices...

...and thunderings, and lightnings...

...and an earthquake.

And there followed hail and fire mingled with blood.

There fell a great star from heaven, burning as if it were a lamp...

...and I beheld, and heard an Angel saying with a loud voice...

...woe, woe, WOE to the inhabiters of the Earth."

-- The Revelation of Saint John the Divine

After months of anticipation, I, Robogeek, at long last stood witness to the most anticipated film of the summer, ARMAGEDDON.

Glory be to God, for the hour of judgment is come!

(Sorry, I got just a little carried away there.)

Let's get right down to brass tacks here -- in a nuthell, ARMAGEDDON is a breathtakingly cool thrill ride, rich with awesome, sense-stunning splendor. It is all I had hoped it would be and more, and is the most exhilarating moviegoing experience I've had since "Six-String Samurai." This is what a summer blockbuster should be. The ecstatic reviews by Joe Hallenbeck and The Hollywood Reporter's Duane Byrge speak the truth, and I share their opinions of the film whole-heartedly.

"Deep Impact"? What's that?

As for Copernicus (Mr. "I'm so smart I locked my keys in my car."), Johnny ("I don't like Summer action flicks, period.") Wad and Variety's Todd ("I'm too lazy to keep up with kick-ass editing.") McCarthy, I have just one question -- ARE YOU ON CRACK?!?! What the hell's wrong with you people? Their reviews read like they came out of some Bizarro World mirror universe. Anyone who says this movie doesn't have a soul must be soulless themselves. To hold the film's budget and hype against it is simply unfair. And just because it's a big, commercial studio flick doesn't automatically make it bad. (Remember "TITANIC"?)

ARMAGEDDON rocks really, really hard, and kicks more ass than you can shake a stick at. It is, as has been widely stated, basically "The Dirty Dozen Goes To Space." But it's also much more than that. It has real heart, soul, humor and humanity that comes together very effectively. It balances keeping its tongue firmly planted in cheek, while wearing its heart on its sleeve, while scaling the heights of the action adventure genre. It's charismatic, exciting fun. And it's damn slick.

Is the film ludicrous? You bet. Is it preposterous? Damn straight. It's called "a movie." Sure, it's not pure science fiction with accurate physics or an airtight plot. So what? It's high adventure that's deliriously entertaining. See, there's this thing called "willing suspension of disbelief." It's quite rewarding.

Personally, ID4 and MIB didn't really fry my burger. They were okay but seeing them each once was enough for me. I'll probably see ARMAGEDDON two more times, and won't mind paying full price.

I'm not going to give you a comprehensive run-down of the plot, or a detailed breakdown of the characters, because, frankly, I want to go to bed (if I have some time Friday, I may come back and expand this review). For that, I refer you to Hallenbeck's review, as well as Duane Byrge's in "The Hollywood Reporter." I agree with everything they say. Hell, I even got choked up and teary like Hallenbeck did. How could you not, I ask you?

Across the board, this film is really sharp. Everything is top notch. We're talking James Cameron territory here, folks. I was in heaven. Michael Bay is a god (nice cameo, by the way!) and Jerry Bruckheimer is The Man. Together, they are unstoppable. The cast, all around, is a delight. Bruce is perfectly Bruce all fantastic. And, damn, those are the coolest space suits ever! Oh, and I can't wait to buy a CD of Trevor Rabin's score. Very, very nice work. And, I have to say, the script really clicked for me. Sure, it adapts some very basic, tried-and-true formulas that you can spot a mile away, but then it turns them around on you and hits you with some unexpected surprises. Plus, it's loaded with snappy dialogue and moves at a brisk pace.

My only real complaint about the film is the intrusive abundance of Aerosmith music, which at times is downright distracting, given that Liv Tyler's in the movie. It does get a little too "music video" at times, but only in a couple places. Beyond that, I completely embrace the film.

(Listen, Copernicus locked his keys in his car, okay? And left his car _running_. And Johnny Wad has some sort of irrational, deep-rooted prejudice against summer action films. Are you going to listen to them, or a united Hallenbeck and Robogeek? I rest my case.)

By the way, do you remember how, earlier this year, everyone was predicting "Godzilla" was going to be the big hit of the summer, and ARMAGEDDON was just going to be "the second asteroid movie"? Everyone except, oh, I don't know..., a couple of us here at AICN?

Well, let's just say I'll be cheering when ARMAGEDDON rakes in a bigger five-day opening weekend haul than ID4 or MIB ($85 million plus), and ends up making ten times that worldwide. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to see this film hit $1 billion.

(And just think -- not even Harry believed me when I predicted TITANIC would top $1.75 billion.)

Gotta give it three and a half stars. To quote Will Patton's character, "Houston, this is a kick-ass ride." And I can't wait to go again!