Roswell 3.13 FAQ
Why does Herc keep covering Roswell? That show sucks!!
Herc’s mailbox grows very full with hate mail when he doesn’t review new “Roswell.” And you’re aware no law compels you to read Herc's every post, yes?
What’s this week’s episode called?
”Panacea.”
Who’s responsible?
Teleplay is credited to Russell Friend & Garrett Lerner (“Off the Menu,” “Secrets & Lies,” “Behind the Music”).
“Michael, Max and Isabel are drawn into a mystery at MetaChem when Michael's co-worker friend is murdered on the job; Liz settles in at a strict all-girls school; and Maria travels to the Big Apple to record her demo. Meris Wheeler: Morgan Fairchild.”
What did Herc say about his episode in his Jan. 1 spoilers?
* Liz’s parents will make good on their promise to ship young Ms. Parker off to Winnaman Academy -- a Vermont boarding school.
* Liz is paired with a pothead roommate named Eileen Burrows. Eileen will give Liz her first taste of marijuana.
* Liz tells Eileen to call her “Beth,” and claims to be from Anaheim, Calif. She also claims to have not left a boyfriend behind. At first.
* While chatting in the Winnaman dean’s office, Liz begins to exhibit telekinetic superpowers!
* Maria will hit the road. She’ll visit “first-kiss” Billy Darden in Manhattan, and follow up with a visit to Liz in Vermont.
* Meta-Chem, Michael’s new employer, will mortally wound one of Michael’s security-guard buddies – in an effort to force Michael to use his “healing powers.” Trouble is, Meta-Chem doesn’t realize that Michael has no healing powers; only Max does. Michael’s pal Monk does not survive the episode.
* Max will heal a mortally-wounded Jim Valenti (which I guess means Roswell’s former sheriff will probably be getting superpowers too).
* The Meta-Chem folks catch Max healing Valenti. We learn Meta-Chem learned about the “healer” via reports of Liz taking a bullet in the diner (MetaChem has her ketchup-stained Crashdown uniform, among other things) and the remarkable recovery of a ward full of cancer kids a little over a year ago.
* Meta-Chem, it turns out, has been searching for “the healer” on behalf of a 92-year-old billionaire.
Did Herc’s sources get it right?
Pretty much. But some details changed:
1) Liz comes nowhere near marijuana this week. Eileen only smokes tobacco and turns Liz only to alcohol.
2) Liz does not exhibit superpowers in the Dean’s office. Her electrohand/heat-touch only recurs this week while on the phone with Max.
Does Maria become a rock star?
Not this week. Maria finds the road to stardom rockier than originally anticipated when she’s asked to record material written by others.
Maria’s in Manhattan? Does she meet the dupes?
No dupes are encountered this week.
Does Maria return to Roswell by episode’s end?
Nope.
Does Liz return to Roswell by episode’s end?
Nope.
What is TV Guide not telling us?
This episode ends with a major, major cliffhanger.
What’s good?
It’s a big episode for plot and pacing, and the ending is a jaw-dropper.
What’s not so good?
This week feels pretty light on artful dialogue and character development. Liz’s shout-from-the-window declaration extolling the virtues of bachelorettehood come off as particularly forced and uninspired.
How does it end, spoiler boy?
With such surprise, we are again obliged to engage the inviso-text: Jesse secretly follows Iz to MetaChem as she endeavors to help rescue Valenti. More importantly, when Max tries to actually heal the 92-year-old MetaChem founder, Max becomes 92 years old – just before “young” Mr. Evans literally crumbles, "Buffy" vampire-like, to dust!!!
Herc’s rating for “Roswell” 3.13?
***1/2
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
- ***** better than we deserve
- **** better than most motion pictures
- *** actually worth your valuable time
- ** as horrible as most stuff on TV
- * makes you quietly pray for bulletins
I am – Hercules!!
To order boxer shorts adorned with the image of a green, handicapable “Buffy” fanatic, click here.
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