Hey folks, Harry here... Just got this report from the vilest, most loathsome, scaley belly slinker this side of this bastard I met in the land of a thousand lakes a long time ago. However, you have to sort of give these folks their due... Specially when they... well it was fun watching the various geek women recoil in horror at the visage that was this Pet Snake Reggie... Better than he deserved though! I'll tell ya that much! Enjoy...

Hi Harry-

Pet Snake Reggie here with my report from Butt-Numb-a-thon III - The
Epicenter of Film Geekdom.

Oh, I know you thought you could keep me away but when Jacque and Indy are
away, reptiles must play. Arriving early, I planned to scope out the Alamo
Drafthouse early so I took in a showing of Peter Jackson's "The
Frighteners." A good film, not a great film, but I needed to see something
by Jackson in anticipation of seeing "Fellowship of the Rings."

On Friday, I should have slept, but since I had ditched the frozen wasteland
of Minnesota to watch movies, I was going to spend my entire damn weekend
watching movies. So I went to the Alamo North with Ms. Reggie, Obongo the
Pygmy and a couple others for an opening day viewing of "Oceans 11." I love
heist flicks and this is one of the better ones I've seen. George Clooney
kicks ass.

After what felt like years, Saturday morning arrived and I made my way to
the theatre. Of course I knew you didn't want me there so I slithered in
through the....no I won't tell. I want to be able to get back in that way
next year.

I found myself a warm little spot right next to the video projector in the
Alamo Drafthouse and settled in for 24 hours of movies that would warm my
cold blood.

As I coiled up in my new home, my weekend was ruined when you told us that
you hadn't been able to score "Fellowship of the Rings." I nearly left.
But I had faith Harry. Faith that even without my Lord of the Rings fix
this would be the best Butt-numb-a-thon ever.

Then the video projector grow warm and "The Return of my Blue McWeenie"
danced across the screen. Harry, one day you much provide a place for we
BNAT-ers to download these wonderful shorts. I would gladly shed my skin
for a copy of last year's "Santa Claus' Story." Screw everyone else.

Then Harry, you were given a birthday present. I was not given the secret
decoder glasses that were yours alone. Oh that I was cool enough to
experience the forbidden visions that you saw. Alas, I can only imagine.

It has become a tradition that the BNAT begins with a classic horror film
and this year we were given "The Fiend Without a Face." Now let's not avoid
the fact that this film is really pretty much crap. With that out of the
way, it's damned entertaining crap. The sperm shaped brain monsters are
creatures that must find their way back to the screen some time soon.

Moriarty introduced the next film as your birthday present from him. For an
evil retard, he sure does seem to like you. Why else would he have scored a
copy of "The Majestic?"

Prior to the film we saw a couple freakin' hysterical shorts - "Hubert's
Brain" and "Runaway Brain." I liked "Hubert's Brain" better but who the
fuck at Disney got Eisner to OK "Runaway Brain???" That was the sickest ass
Disney short I've seen in a long time.

"The Majestic" was.....god. I loved it. Darabont is the most Capraesque
director I've seen in a long time. He somehow takes what could easily have
been a cliched piece of schmaltz and turn it in to something beautiful.
This is a film for film lovers and there was no better place to show it than
the BNAT. Jim Carrey pulled off something I never thought he would do. He
made me forget he was Jim Carrey. He was great in "Man on the Moon" but he
was so fucking real in this movie. Loved the movie. Thanks Moriarty.

Seems to me that you spent a lot of time telling us what we weren't going to
see, Harry. Next thing we hear is that we won't be seeing "Bubba Ho-Tep."
Christ, I thought, what the hell are we going to see?

"Rock all Night" was what we were going to see. I'll bet that those of us
in the theatre just about doubled the number of people in this country that
know about this film but hopefully that will change. What a wonderfully
quirky little overlooked film! Dick Miller was a god. OK, I forgave you
for "Bubba Ho-Tep."

If I had to pick a favorite film from BNAT III, it'd be what we saw next.
See, I'd never seen "King Kong." I know, my film geek cred has dropped
almost to nothing with that admission but there you have it. And film geek
cred or not, how many of you wouldn't give your nuts to have seen "King
Kong" on the big screen the first time you ever saw it? Well I did. I saw
a pristine print with a room full of film lovers. Nothing is better than
that.

Then it was time for "Vanilla Sky." Jesus Christ! I'd had no interest in
this film. I was going to go see it but I wasn't in a hurry. What a fool I
was. I thought the film was kick ass brilliant. It was such a rich mix of
emotional highs and lows that just fucked with your mind in ways that ought
to be illegal but thank god they're not. Cruise was brilliant. Just
totally knocked it out of the park. Cameran Diaz, too. Damn. The film
left me incapable of speaking in complete sentences for over 15 minutes.
Everybody reading this site has GOT to see this fucking movie. I'm sure you
can find time in between viewings of Lord of the Rings to sneak this one in.

As for a least favorite film, I would have to say it came next. "Cabin in
the Sky" is a classic musical. Once you get past the racial stereotyping
that is a mainstay of films made in that time period, it's not a bad film.
But for me right then, right there, the movie was pretty long and pretty
dull. Maybe it was because I had to wait almost the entire movie to see
Lena Horne sing (I mean shit - it's Lena fucking Horne) or maybe it's
because when it comes to musicals, I'm more of a "Singin' in the Rain"
reptile. As with every film I've ever seen - good and bad - I'm glad I saw
it. I don't think I'll have any need to see it again.

Now let me preface my comments on our next feature - the gore-porn feature
"Blood Feast II" - I have to point out that I pretty much hate splatter
films. I've never much seen the point. But "Blood Feast II" was filled
with a sort of childish glee that it managed to transcend the genre. Now
I'm not saying it was great film making. Instead, it was the way this film
embraced it's badness that made it so much fun. I can only congratulate the
people who made this strangely entertaining film for finding a way to make
me enjoy a splatter film.

I tried to enjoy the next film - "Terror of Tiny Town," but a snake has got
to sleep sometime and the hours were beginning to weigh heavily on my
eyelids. I remember short people with guns. I think they did some
moseying. I think they fired six shooters and I'm pretty sure they did some
cattle ruslin'. The rest is a blank. I enjoyed meeting Clarence Swinton,
one of the little people from the film.

Peter Jackson sent a video tape introducing the final film as a way of
apologizing for the noted lack of "Fellowship of the Ring." We instead
watched a classic silent film from New Zealand called "Salome." It was a
little long, but about 2/3 of the way through the film is this absolutely
incredible tracking shot. It was worth it for that shot alone. What a
great way to close out another great Butt-numb-a-thon!

This year kicked some pretty serious ass over last year, Harry. That was a
tough trick since last year kicked such serious ass in it's own right. I
was so jazzed after seeing "The Majestic" and "Vanilla Sky." You can bet
that given half a chance, I will slither back to my warm little spot by the
video projector to enjoy Butt-Numb-a-Thon IV next year.

Pet Snake Reggie signing off!

Well thank god that rambling is over with... Now we can finally settle down for a glorious look at BNAT from the vastly superior, far more handsome, incredibly debonair... 433. 433 is everything that Pet Snake Reggie wants to be, but just isn't genetically developed enough to cease his slithering ways... Enjoy 433...