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Massawyrm reveals all about THE MUMMY RETURNS dvd and talks with Dwayne!
Hey folks, Harry here... Now Massawyrm went and sold himself to the world of junkets and the throes of 5 minute interviews to cover the release of the MUMMY RETURNS dvd... A monumental acheivement in the history of film... to be sure... mmmm.... Ahem... Anyway, I'm sure the disc is going to be filled with extras, and while the film is an insane goofy funhouse ride, I'm sure all that you will learn about the ILM side of things will make the disc far worth the five finger discount at Wal-Mart's everywhere... So without further ado, here's the lunger...
Hola all. Massawyrm here, just back from the west coast and chock full of stories that will make your head spin and your teeth sweat. It's a tale of high adventure, chock full of intrigue, romance, danger (well, okay, not too much danger) and surprise guests that just seem to endlessly come out of the woodwork like it was some kind of telethon in honor of Quint and myself. You see, at some point the gods looked down from on high, gazed upon the sad state of affairs the old Wyrm had slipped into and uttered something that would translate to us mortals as "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to forget about you. Right then, here's a life altering, mind fucking adventure the likes of which no one will ever believe happened to you without the aid of clever embellishment." And thus I was gifted with just such an adventure. And like most adventures, this one began with our hero traveling along with his faithful companion, but ended up with him riding off alone into the sunset. That companion was Quint, who instead ran off halfway through on an equally important adventure of his very own.
Now, I know you're all dying to know just what the hell I'm talking about, but alas, today I will but touch upon the subject as I bring to you the highlights of the junket at the end of my adventure for The Mummy Returns.
For those of you unfamiliar with a press junket, its a gathering of press in one place by a studio, where they usually march out the stars in a press conference or round table atmosphere and you get to call out questions and sometimes, if you're lucky, meet the celebrities themselves in a limited one on one format. They're usually not the most popular events among critics, as they tend to bore the pants off of most everybody and you rarely get any scoops because everyone there is hearing the same answers.
But for the Mummy Returns, as with Boogiemen (which you can read about as Quint discusses the beginning of our adventures), Universal decided to throw a party. Now the Mummy Returns junket was one strange and awesome spectacle, as they set up a small pyramid next to the Santa Monica Pier overlooking the ocean.
I pulled up in a taxi just as the festivities were kicking off to the blaring soundtrack of the Mummy Returns. The smell of the ocean was strong, strong enough to pierce my cigarette dulled sense of smell and fill me full of childhood memories of serving as a cabin boy to a large group of lonely Greek sailors. It's a salty scent that often reminds me of Quint and the time we spent at sea...but I'm digressing. A small wooden pyramid had been constructed, and just as I stepped onto the hot sand to begin trudging my way toward the press core huddled around it, it erupted into a dazzling display of fireworks. At first I though that it was but a bad morning reaction to the mixing of Caffeine and Nicotine, which happens on occasion usually resulting in short fits wrought with visions of indie films of the future. But alas this was not the case. No, Universal was intent on blowing up the Santa Monica coastline at precisely 11 A.M. Pacific time. For a moment I stood in utter terror, the sheer breadth of their plan laid out before me in no uncertain terms. Explosions ripped through strategic points of the structure and the sound was almost deafening, even at my distance.
I looked down at my bags. No, I'd left the gym bag full of guns at John Woo's place. I was defenseless. I was the innocent bystander.
There is that moment in life, when all hell breaks loose, that you realize you are not John McClain. Everything movies had ever taught you, every little trick you ever picked up from MacGuyver suddenly becomes meaningless and you are left standing there on a beach in Santa Monica as Universal Studios tries to destroy it, knowing that you cannot save the day. You can not save the innocent bystanders, because you are one of them. You can do nothing but watch.
I froze and watched helplessly as the pyramid sizzled and popped with explosions.
And then a hero appeared. From out of the pyramid he emerged; a towering dark mass of muscles held taughtly together by a skin tight T-shirt and a $200 pair of sunglasses. The Rock, the peoples champion, had come to quell the insurgence.
The press corp was there to capture every fret filled moment, cameras snapping and flashes erupting in a volley luminescence that, for a brief moment, lit up The Rock as bright as the sun. He gave a single look and the explosions ceased. The plot defused. Such is the power of an action hero. He held out his arms a smiled for the cameras, victorious. Applause made it's way through the crowd and fans off to the side, held back by waist high metal fences and large men wearing grimaces, cried out "We love you Rocky!". I could only smirk, because obviously they didn't realize that that DVD had come out months ago. From their distance, and the way the sun was beating down on their heads, I could understand the mistake. But it still gave me a good chuckle.
As I got closer I saw that men with swords and women in skimpy, neo-Egyptian attire had swarmed the stage, keeping the press core at bay, lest they melt in the sheer radiance that is The Rock. For our protection, while he was in the sun, we were kept at least 20 feet away at all times. You never can be too careful. Melting the press core always leads to bad press. FDR said that once I think.
Then Arnold Vosloo stepped out and waved to the crowd, having backed up The Rock in some way, shape or form, a like a tall, well built, bald Kato. The two of them stood together, Arnold somehow immune to the effects of The Rock's vast corona, and they posed for pictures as the soundtrack continued to blare.
By this time I'd made my way through security, gotten a badge and stowed my luggage in the press tent. Boy howdy was I ready to meet these guys. I mean, they had single handedly saved hordes of reporters from a fate worse than repeated viewings of Zoolander. These were the kind of guys I'd come to L.A. to meet. So with that in mind I made my way back to the Press only area to meet the gents and get a few words to share with all of you nice folks.
There I was met by one of those evil minion security guard types who checked to see if I had a cameraman and seeing that I didn't insisted that only electronic media was allowed in the press only backstage area. At that I kindly inquired as to the definition of electronic media, for obvious reasons, and he in turn politely asked me not to be such a smart ass. So I beat a hasty retreat. I stepped back and watched the show.
And yet, in true Massawyrmian fashion (something you folks will understand more when I post the rest of my adventures) this worked to my advantage. You see, as I stepped back into some shade, I looked over to see none other than Stephen Sommers, the auteur of the Mummy Returns himself, standing no more than five feet from me. He had ducked back into some shade to avoid the limelight and let his actors enjoy their moment in the sun. So I introduced myself. Mr. Sommers of course is familiar with AICN and asked me to send a greeting to Harry, to which I agreed and he began to rap with me about the DVD.
Now I had seen the DVD a week before, so he began to ask me what I thought of various features and we discussed the intricacies of each section. Nothing too exciting for you folks, as its all stuff you can see on the disc. Just geek chat. So I asked him "So what do you have cooked up for the Special Edition?" To this he smiled and shook his head. There was to be NO special edition. This is the definitive. As we talked he discussed how the initial release of the Mummy did so well that they took a look and found a wealth of stuff they could put on another one. At the time the Mummy came out, the studios hadn't quite realized how important special features were to the sale of a disc (and as many of us will attest, we'll pass up a DVD of a film we love if there's just nothing cool on it) but when they came to, they had decided to release another disc, The Ultimate Edition. Well, according to Sommers, all of his movies from here on out will come out as full on, extras loaded DVD's without the need to buy a follow up disc.
Now personally I have to applaud that. It was clear to me that Sommers loves doing what he's doing as much as many of us who love watching what he does. And to see that he wants to give us what we're looking for, rather than trying to bilk us for more cash at a later date puts him right there in Massawyrm's old cool book. Kudos.
Smiling Jack Ruby was on hand to ask a few questions himself, many of which covered old Ruby's fascination with Deep Rising. There's obviously some issues floating around a DVD Special Edition of Deep Rising (remember, he said from here on out) but there's nothing definite either way. The best I could gather from the conversation is that it's being looked at.
Well, as I could see that The Rock had been ushered down into the pit, I tried once more to bask in his glow, but the security guard once more intervened. Since I wasn't going to get to speak to the People's Champion just yet, I decided to retreat into the Press tent to munch on the People's Strudel. Hell, "if ya can't meet them, eat their food" I always say. So I chowed down and chatted with the 13th Street boys until it was our chance to chat with the big man.
Now I have to diverge for a moment from the story to discuss The Rock. You see, what we have in cinema today is a total absence, a blight if you will, of viable action heroes. Now I'm not talking about great actors, I'm talking action heroes. There's a distinct difference. I'm not saying that action heroes can't be great actors, just look at Charlton Hesston and Sean Connery. But a true cinematic hero needs that special something, that perfect mix of physique, charisma and that look in their eye that says "I'm gonna kill every last mother fucking one of ya and there ain't a god damned thing you can do about it." Up until recently, we haven't had that in anyone under the age of fifty. I mean Arnold and Sly are great, but c'mon, there's just not much steam left in those two to keep it up. Van Damme and Segal have become cocktail party jokes, unable to capture action fans imagination in any real sense since the early to mid '90's. And Ford and Willis have both become too stately in their recent years to be able to pull off the action that we fell in love with them for. I'm not even gonna go into Chuck Norris.
So what are we left with? Pierce Brosnan and Ben Affleck. Uh, no. I like both those guys, don't get me wrong, but they don't have that action hero chemistry to really sell it to us. No. We have only two strong candidates right now. Vin Diesel and The Rock. I'll go into Vin Diesel in a later installment about my adventures. Right now, lets discuss The Rock.
All laughing and joking and sneering and flaming talkbacks aside. The Rock has it. He's a good looking man. He's built as if he was sculpted from marble. As any wrestling fan will tell you, he's one of the best ever on the mic. He's charismatic, intelligent, well spoken and can deliver his lines with such flair that he gets entire stadiums full of fans on their feet just to get the chance to say his lines with him. And those eyes. Look into those eyes just once and you're humbled. Even when he's being friendly, he's intimidating. Not in the Christopher Walken "Stop with the scooching" sort of way, but in the same way we used to see from Arnold. Back when Arnold was king.
Now I was talking to someone recently about "The Scorpion King" and they referred to it as Conan Lite. Okay, I can see their point, but I while pondering that it occurred to me that what film has lacked for almost 2 decades now is a good swords and sandals flick. Not just the old 40's, 50's and 60's swords and sandals flicks like Sinbad and Hercules, but those great 80's S&S flicks like Conan, The Beastmaster and Yor, Hunter from the Future. These are the films I grew up with, the heroes I longed to be. Maybe Arnie's got it in him to do King Conan. I pray to God every night that Marc Singer doesn't have it in him to make a 4th Beastmaster film. And well, there can never, ever be another Yor.
But with Arnie's current asking price, Lord only know when or if we'll see King Conan, so right about now I could definitely go for some Conan Lite. Give me swords, give me sorcery, but by god give me an action hero.
So that being said it came time for my two minutes with The Rock. As he stepped into the tent he took off his glasses and for the first time that morning, I saw his eyes. Up close and personal. They were piercing, cutting through the crowd like a flying guillotine and making us all a little nervous. You see, there are celebrities you meet who once you lay eyes on them, you see them for the real person they are; flesh and blood and imperfection. Nothing wrong with that, in fact, it's what's great about some celebrities, their down home identifiable quality that makes them all the more real. And then of course, there are those celebrities who are simply larger than life, who emanate an aura of cool so thick and forceful that it almost knocks you over the minute they make eye contact. I first felt that aura when I met Michael Landon as a teenager. I felt it again when I shook hands with The Rock.
Now I must say that I'm not a wrestling fan. Sure, I've watched it on and off since I was a kid, but I never really got INTO it. So meeting a wrestler never seemed like something that would knock the wind out of me, but this time, it did. There's just something about the man.
So I gathered myself together and tried to make the best of what little time I had. I figured any questions about the Scorpion King were out right. I mean anything we don't know about the film already he certainly wasn't going to let slip at a junket to a member of the press in a formal questioning. "So what's next? Do you have anything in the works for after The Scorpion King?"
"Yeah, we've got a few things in development." He went on to say that there was nothing solid, but he definitely had some things on his plate that he was considering and putting together. Very diplomatically he managed to say 'Yes, there is Massawyrm, but I can't tell YOU about it' without actually saying that or making me feel at the time like that's what he was saying.
"Well, after your great showing on SNL, have you considered doing any comedy?"
At this he laughed and nodded, as if for the first time that morning someone had asked him something unexpected. Or asked him something for the 80th time. He went on to say that there were a few things they were looking at (he kept using plurals so either he's got a case of the Royal personal pronouns or he's referring to his team; although I think it's that latter, wouldn't it be cool if it wasn't?) but that his main focus for the time being was action films. Alright, right on, fair enough. We all remember Suburban Commando. And the Nanny. And Santa with Muscles. On to the third question.
That's when he was yanked away on to the next group of reporters. There would be no third question, no lightning round, no final jeopardy. Moments later The Rock, Stephen Sommers and Arnold Vosloo (who I didn't get the chance to speak with) were spirited away, taken to their respective cars and returned to their everyday lives, free of cameras, flashbulbs and exploding pyramids. And free of third questions.
Lucky them. The third one was a doozy.
Until next time friends, smoke 'em if ya got 'em. I know I will.
Click Here To Mail Me Bitches!
Massawyrm
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didn't see much on the dvd content.. and first?
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This was, with out a doubt one of the WORST movies i have ever seen. The rule of
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Lets hope they get some better effects for the SK in the new movie. His appearance at the end of The Mummy Returns was some of the least convincing CGI I have seen so far. A gurning, grimacing cartoon. I thought it would be The Rock's actual top half on top of a CGI scorpion torso. Not a cartoon Rock head! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I first saw it. Everyone I have spoken to about it felt the same. Laughable man, HA!!!
I'll probably get the DVD though. There's something about The Mummy movies that I like, sure there's stuff not to like, but you get the feeling Sommers couldn't give a fuck whether you like it or not. He knows it isn't great art, just a 2 hour fuck around thats no more real than a Tex Avery cartoon.
I do think however that The Mummy benefited, along with Austin Powers 2, from being practically the only other option during summer '99 if you had seen The Phantom Menace, or were sick of the hype. If The first Mummy had come out during THIS summer, I don't think it would have gotten off so lightly. I certainly don't think that it would have spawned a sequel in 2003 if it had been released this summer. -
I have said it before and I'll say it again... where the hell is the Godfather DVD review? What a joke... We get a review of the Mummy Returns, a subpar sequel, but no mention of the DVD release of what is perhaps the greatest film series of all time? What's the matter? Not geeky enough for you?
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Why Imhotep was drained of any and all menace. . .how it's possible for a woman to be a PHYSICAL reincarnation of an Egyptian princess but require her original soul to be put back into her body (and how it's possible for the same woman to know she's a reincarnation of the princess but still need a flashback rehash of her earlier life). . .why Evelyn wears stiletto heels on archeological digs. . .why that huge army that guards Imhotep's burial site somehow let its guard down long enough for a group of fanatics to undertake a dig in the middle of the night with enough lights to illuminate a football stadium for 25 miles in any direction. . .why the plot never moved with ANY logic, never mind dumb logic. . .why the special effects were lame beyond belief. . .why, even though I despised the 1999 Mummy, I still harbored some hope that the sequel might--just might--be a tad better.
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This opening part with a porn star and a dude wanting Kendra Jade, that's her, to throw up on him. Sick. I want to see The Rock now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh Sick!
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was there actually any info on the DVD in that piece?
from the reviews I have read so far most of the extras (advertsing material) seem a bit lacking -
I have no idea why I'm wasting my time posting, but I just thought I'd say, The Mummy was not a big hit because everyone either had A) already seen Phantom Menace and wanted to see something else or B) couldn't/didn't want to see Phantom Menace. The Mummy came out May 7, and grossed over 40$ in it's first weekend, and like, 100$ in the next couple of weeks...*BEFORE* Star Wars had even come out. For the record The Mummy was better then it's sequel, and definetly funnier. I kind of like watching Mummy Returns...but there's no story, it's wall-to-wall action, some parts you like, some you don't. It's like Sommers just spewed all the ideas and concepts in his brain out onto film withing editing it or presenting it very coherently or dramatically. I liked the flashbacks (they didn't make sense though), the look, the music, and the pygme mummies, and the muscular black villain. I didn't like the retarded Jar Jar Binks like black hot air ballon pilot, he was not funny. The Scorpian King beginning was good, albeit brief, and the CGI at the end sucked. I was so dissapointed when I saw this in the theater.
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If Clark Kent was this bad a reporter Superman would be a garbage collector !
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This was the worst movie of the Summer. Why would anyone want to buy this crap.
Another example of Hollywood getting a lot more money for a sequel, throwing it at the screen, not spending enough on the script and then watching kids and people who like to see things blow up paying $10.00 to go see this. -
Please let their be a Special Edition of Deep Rising. With lots of Famke Janssen stuff on it!
Did any of the journalists asked Sommers why he had to put in so many blunt re-dos of scenes from the first Mummy?
P.S.: Someone has a point. Where the hell is the Godfather DVD review??? -
This is a prime example of a sheeple movie. Herd em in and count the cash. The Rock sucks and so will the Scorpion King.
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OK, so not only was that NOT a review of the DVD, but the so-called interview with the Rock was, what, two questions? Bad Massawyrm...let me try to do what he failed to...For the record, i happened to like Mummy Returns a lot....maybe it was nostalgia at work...the flick reminds me a lot of the old style 50's serials i used to watch when there was nothing to do on Saturdays after cartoons went off...had that kinda feel to it, only a bit smarter, and definitely more action-packed and cool...but the fact that Stephen Sommers didn't pull his punches like he did with the first flick, which i also liked, but seemed to be lacking in cohesiveness(it all seemed like one big treasure hunt rather than the fate of the planet hanging in the balance)...the fact that it went for the full-on fantasy film route, instead of trying to make it seem more than what it really was....aside from The Rock having, undoubtedly, the MOST overhyped cameo in history, and having what could've been the fight of the century in the form of the Imhotep/O'Connell battle interrupted by the WORST piece of CGI work I've seen in years, i like the flick a lot. The DVD has some decent stuff on it, even though, i haven't listened to the commentary yet, and, out of my personal greed to have the disk before everybody else, i ended up with the Fullscreen version rather than Widescreen like every other red-blooded God-fearing DVD fan...(but i had it the Sunday before it came out...that counts for something, doesn't it? :-P ) but the other extras, the Special Effects Doc, The Outtakes reel, the Live music video(i didnt even know those guys did a song for the movie until now), Egyptology 201 section's not bad, some insight into the Scorpion King, but other than that, kinda basic stuff, just like the one in the first Mummy's DVD...all around, pretty good stuff...and I've gotta admit...the trailer's got me curious about how The Scorpion King's going to turn out...Oded Fehr's special thingy seemed a bit out of place, though seeing the guy outside of Medgi wear was interesting for a quick second, and the "moving brochure" for the Universal Studios attraction is obviously studio ploying at its finest...so, yeah it's a decent disk, although it's still chock full of that typical Universal advertising filler material when more time and space should be spent on JUST stuff about the film(I'm looking at you, Jurassic Park/Lost World box set)....and of course, if you didn't like the movie in the first place, theres nothing here to make you change your mind...though, it seems youre in a minority...the DVD made more in the first week than the movie did first week of its release...ironic, no? So, there you have it...and on that note, i need breakfast. Revolution is my name...
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I was shocked SHOCKED that this supposedly wonderful action flick was just Dolby 5.1 and not the much more juiced and smackin' DTS. The DTS for Pitch Black goddamn near knocked my house down (especially the crash scene, which set the edgy stage for the whole movie) and I have a very modest rig. ======= This is why YOU must get yer sorry asses to netflix.com and pay your $20/month for yer 3 DVD rentals. You'll never waste cash on sorry releases ever again (or pour thru another SORRY "review") to find out is something is worth owning. Rent the bitch first and then decide. Besides, you'll see about a billion more movies in the process. =======BTW, there might've been a watchable 90 min. Mummy Returns in that mess, but it mostly sucked camel ass.
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to the author of the piece:
you went to a press junket...why dont you write a fucking book about it? oh, wait...you just did! -
Through a combination of fart sound fx and discussion about vomiting and anal sex, the larger than life "star" was reduced to grinning monkey status.
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I hear what you are saying. I was speaking from a UK point of view. Where The Mummy came out about 2 weeks before Phantom Menace and was still doing well against it along with Austin Powers 2. I still believe that if it had been released this summer it would not have been so kindly treated, and I like the movie!
I'm also proud to have started a civil discussion and had an articulate, well written answer come back from another talk-backer in the sea of bile and venom that seems to be the norm from 50% of the AICN talk-backers. -
Oct 11, 2001 10:28:11 PM CDT
AIIIGHHH! NEAR DARK ON DVD FALL 2002!!! DOES NO ONE CARE?!?!?!
by user id indeed!
I FOUGHT FOR THE SOUTH!! WE LOST! BAR ROOM! DUCT TAPE! BILL PAXTON! That is all.
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If "Near Dark" isn't out on DVD in Fall 2002, then davisdvd.com done told me one whopper of a lie! I save my cruelty for my children, not cattywampus DVD exclamations. And my my children, I mean someone else's. Can't have kids, you know. Oh, I'm physically able, it's just that the werewolves tell me that they're not worth it. Yeah! Real werewolves! No lie, neither! Yeah, they live in the next apartment down, and they're always scratching their nails on the door and shit at night. The conversation usually goes like this: (Them) "Grr! Woof! Give us your children! We will eat them!" (Me) "I don't have children! Begone!" (Them) "No? Well, it's just as well. Rotten kids, you work your heart out and they turn around and kick you in the privates. Then you get your friggin throat ripped out on the Moors, and do they visit you in the ward? Do they bother taking it to court? They'd rather see us wither away in some old folks' home. Of course, we'd probably just horribly massacre the tenants." (Me) "I don't care! You're boring! Go eat some people." (Them) "Hey, fine by me, punk. We left a lycanthropic little fuck-you on that pleasant welcome mat a'yers! Ha! Woof!" Yep. Huh. This has been a Moment with User ID Indeed!
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It's true! Go to Anchor Bays website. Pray for daylight.
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