I am – Hercules!!

It airs right after “Buffy,” 9 p.m. on UPN

You can find loads of detailed season-three spoilers by typing “Roswell” in the AICN search engine, but here’s the quick super-spoiler version:

*3.1 To discover the whereabouts of the 1947 ship, Max and Liz rob a Utah convenience store together and are subsequently forbidden by all parental units to continue their relationship.

*3.2 Michael gets and loses and gets a job at the creepy new Meta-Chem facility that just opened in town. (Also Kyle lets slip an interesting detail about Tess.)

*3.3 Christmas Nazi Isabel is visited by the ghosts of boyfriends past as she contemplates matrimony to her new secret lawyer love interest.

*3.4 A murder on Mulholland lures Max to Hollywood, where he enlists a hooker and a talent agent in his search for ol’ ’47 -- and auditions for the role of an alien on “Enterprise.”

*3.5 Max’s Hollywood adventures continue as he tracks down one of ol’ ‘47’s pilots – who’s making his living these days as a big-deal film producer.

*3.6 As Isabel prepares for her wedding day, she gets a visit from yet another old boyfriend. And Max learns that Iz’s intended has government ties.

Okay, okay, Herc’s extensive precap of the first three “Roswells” to air on UPN can be found here.

Take up valuable bandwidth with your predictions and reactions.

I am – Hercules!!

To order coffee mugs and boxer shorts adorned with the image of a green, handicapable “Roswell” fanatic, click here.