Hey folks, Harry here... Right now I'm at my hotel in Los Angeles, but in three hours I'll be setting up my computer in the Green Room of POLITICALLY INCORRECT. Why? Because someone somewhere thought it would be fun to bring this circus freak on after the Oscars to talk film for thirty minutes.

I agreed, but only if I could get an internet connection in the Green Room so I could do my standard stream of conciousness coverage of the Oscar Broadcast. Ok, so maybe they tape it at CBS, but dang it... it's aired on ABC... sigh... Neverthless I will be typing.

Now unfortunately, because I'm out here on the West Coast, this means I don't get to write-up the coverage of the cry-fest starring Baubwa wawas, noted emotional sadist-exhibitionist... so I'll be reading your Talk Backs to see how that goes early on.

Before I start updating this page LIVE, I will place "NOW LIVE:" in front of the headline on the front page... Oh, and on the POLITICALLY INCORRECT with me tonight will be: Aisha Tyler, Lynn Redgrave (who was robbed at the Oscars for GODS & MONSTERS), Ted Demme, Lisa Ann Walter, Clive Barker (must remember to check up on Thief of Always and Books of Blood!), Sean Young (OHMYGOD, it's Rachel!!!) and Sanaa Lathan... So watch as we do battle with the star of HOUSE 2 after the Oscars.

See ya in a couple of hours....

IT BEGINS!!!

Ok, so the lamest opening ever…. That whole Fantasia 2000 rip off thing going to the space station was very lame… just..

Man, Steve Martin just nailed Russell Crowe and suddenly it looked like Russell was going to kill him dead. Man, it is so obvious that Steve hasn’t seen ROMPER STOMPER… Can’t you just picture Russell going to town on Martin…

Ah… now Martin is doing his "Schmoozing rap" really good… reminds me of Steve Martin… Oh wait, it is Steve Martin… He good writer.

"Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon reminds me of something that Siegfried and Roy do while on vacation"

Whew…

The First Presenter: Catherine Zeta Jones, wowzers… did you see that shot of Michael Douglas going… "That’s mine"

Art Direction:

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON - Go baby

THE GRINCH Um…

GLADIATOR – Cool

QUILLS – no don’t win

VATEL – ok, well it was beautiful

And the oscar goes to CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON!!!! Uh oh…. Here we go, is this the beginning of the sweep.

Nick Cage takes the Microphone…. He is not drunk enough… He should

Judi Dench – Chocolat --- she was great in this

Marcia Harden – great role

Kate Hudson - GO GO GO GO!!! I’m in love! Ok, it isn’t the best performance, but it is the most luminous

Frances McDormand - Man, she’s soooo great…

Julie Walters…. Dancing boy

It goes to Marcia Gay Harden– POLLOCK… Wow! Now that’s an upset, but I love that. I have said for years that SUPPORTING ACTRESS is the most impossible award to pick… Great!!!

Whoa... sorry folks, had to transfer to a different room... It's been driving me nuts... Here's the winners I missed Stephen Mirrione - FIlm Editing - Traffic

Florian Gallenberger - Live Action Short Film - Quiero Ser

Michael Dudok De Wit - Animated Short Film - Father and Daughter

Ok, back to regular coverage... Annette Bening is presenting ERIN BROKOVICH as a nominee... Damn Devito looks cool... EW EW EW PENELOPE CRUUUUZZZZZ!!!!!

COSTUME DESIGN

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon... Lovely

GRINCH --- Nice!!!

Gladiator -- gorgeous...

102 DALMATIONS -- uuuuugh

QUILLS --- Noooooo!

The first 3 were all excellent work... GLADIATOR Wins!!! Nice Zimmer Music... OLIVER REED!!!! Janty Yates! Nice dress... boy, Ridley Scott looks like he has a headache... This Janty lady is classy as hell. And her costumes were wonderful! so now it's 1 to 1

Ahhh... Martin's humor has been great thus far.... But now we have the President of the Academy... he seems like he's reading, yuck yuck... Pardons... ugh

Angelina Jolie!!! Oh my... MS LIPS!!! Supporting Actor

Jeff Bridges - The Contender -- NO, good work, but not Oscary

WILLEM DAFOE!!!! Shadow of the Vampire!!! GO WILLEM GO GOO GOO GO !!!

Benicio Del Toro... Shit! I love him too, he or Willem... Benicio's got it, and fucking deserves it!

Albert Finney for ERIN BROCKOVICH... He's great in that, but Benicio has it!

Joaquin Pheonix - Gladiator... NO...

And the Winner is BENICIO DEL TORO!!!!! Ah, now the rest of the worl will acknowledge his genius! YES!!! He looks SOOOOOO cool right now... God, Ed Zwick looked scary there... Now this makes 2 for TRAFFIC! Hmmmm.... Did Jeffrey Wells' campaign work?

Weird... I'm no longer in the green room, now I'm hiding out in some office somewhere... Moriarty and Harry Lime are in the Green Room... Uh oh... here's SHREK!

Sound and Sound Editing heheh...

CASTAWAY - great sound

GLADIATOR - wonderful sound

PATRIOT - again solid

PERFECT STORM.... Great

U-571... better work on DAS BOOT rerelease

GLADIATOR wins!!!! That's 2! Scott Millan, Bob Beemer, Ken Weston... man Ridley is so not happy looking... Hey, NICE BOWTIE!!! Man, Russell Crowe also seems broodingly serious!

Now Sound Editing

SPACE COWBOYS--- What?

U-571... nice but what the heck

This is the weakest category in the history of the OSCARS... U-571 wins... Jon Johnson - "Clock's ticking, got this going on" Love that... Cool he's brave enough to wear a bolo tie in the history... Don't like the killing of speeches..

Julia Stiles - I love her... I met her a loooooooong time ago... just look at those somumbulist eyes (I know it's spelled wrong...) Whoa..... Live Wire-work for the CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON kung fu number... Really cool... Man, that's just cool, that's my favorite song performance since the FOR YOUR EYES ONLY number way way back when.... I like this... Eek, that one guy is pulling the ol Rasputin stare! Eeek.

"I love to see dancers when they're hopped up on caffiene" - Steve Martin

Julia Roberts... looking mighty fine... CINEMATOGRAPHER

Peter Pau - CTHD

Gladiator

Malena

OH BROTHER --- goooooooo

The Patriot ---

CROUCHING TIGER picks up its second award... so now Traffic, Gladiator and CTHD are all tied up! Wow! That's a dead heat... no sweep... hahahaha!!!! Hahahaha, his talking very fast is classic!!!! I LOVE PETER PAU!!! hahahahah.... hahahah..... GREAT I love this!!!

That new Cadillac is cool as hell looking, is that what they give out for appearing on POLITICALLY INCORRECT?

Morgan Freeman is coming out... Damn snazzy outfit! He's introducing the best picture nominee CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON.... a montage... God, if this movie wins Best Picture I will literally scream for joy!

Homer slobber.... KATE HUDSON!!! She's holding up even though she didn't win.... even though the award went to the logical winner

THE CELL -- I swear to God if this wins, Moriarty will break stuff in the green room

THE GRINCH MUST WIN

Shadow of the Vampire did amazing work, but the sheer enormity and brilliance of Rick Baker's work must be acknowledged!

RICK BAKER WINS!!! 6 WINS FOR BAKER!!! Oh yeah, Hanks has nothing on him!!! Is he just not the coolest looking man on the planet! Oh man... Fantastic.... look at Baker, he's just a god!!!

Dustin Hoffman presents a special award goes to Cinematography god Jack Cardiff!!!! Black Narcissus was one of the greatest looking films ever.... amazing.... amazing... AFRICAN QUEEN, man... next to Apocalypse Now the most difficult shoot ever.... RED SHOES is astoundingly beautiful.... SONS AND LOVERS!!! Man, noone knows that movie, but it was fantastic... VIKINGS!!! YES YES YES.... Damn, this is a great presentation sequence for JACK's career! Wow! Fantastic, here comes Cardiff!

"Where's my Oscar?" hahahah... Jack, is playing a fantastic scene, he's so excited.... look at those eyes... the look in his face.... Hanks is loving this... This man has created with his lens images that we could only wish to... Fantastic!

Steve Martin is upset that he didn't get SHAFT!

Sam the man! He is the baddest muther on the planet...

DOCUMENTARY SHORT

Big Mama -

CURTAIN CALL

Dolphins

THE MAN ON LINCOLN'S NOSE

BIG MAMA is the Winner!!!! Tracy Seretean... Her first documentary and she wins! Really cool! Thanks to all those Grandparents out there... COOL, Dad got thanked

INTO THE ARMS OF STRANGER

LEGACY

LONG NIGHT'S JOURNEY INTO DAY

SCOTTSBORO

SOUND AND FURY

And of course the best documentary DARK DAYS wasn't even friggin nominated, and the winner is INTO THE ARMS OF STRANGERS wins.... Ok, it is a heart breaking story, but I'm tired of never having the best DOCU even nominated... UGH!

A FOOL IN LOVE song number.... Randy Newman is awesome, but I prefer both the CTHD and Bjork songs... btw can you even imagine what the stage number for Bjork's song will be like? What is up with those really weird women in the background... kinda scary... Ahhh, BANGLES girl!! Thump thump..... thump thump.... I love her! Walk like an Egyptian!!!! DISCO BALLS rule!

Tom Hanks is the suspect in the Russell Crowe Kidnapping plot! And he looks Guilty as hell.... FRY TOM!!!

Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat! Awesome... these two people could kick the ass of everyone else in the house.... VISUAL EFFECTS!!!

GLADIATOR - if it wins, then Ebert will cut himself shaving

HOLLOW MAN - FANTASTIC WORK!!!

PERFECT STORM! I love the effects in this movie!

GLADIATOR Wins.... Weird.... That's 3 now! It is in the lead... But damn, Hollow Man's sheer brilliance of animation was stunning... and Perfect Storm was the most dynamic... But now Ebert will cut himself! YIPPEE!!!! hehee...

Rene in a yellow towel! That could so just fall off her! She was robbed of her nomination in NURSE BETTY! Oh, she did the Technical Awards! God she looks soooooo doable

RIPLEY IN RED to introduce GLADIATOR for best picture.... I'm not rooting against GLADIATOR... in a way I'd love for it to win... as sort of a nod to the last film of Oliver Reed...

Goldie Hawn, wow she looks great hehehe.... she's so goofy, I love er... hahahah, she's just continuing... Performance of pieces of the nominated scores.... Wow Perlman and YoYo Ma.... awesome, these guys are the very best in the world.... Patriot into Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon..... Ohmygod that's beautiful, I love this score.... oh man.... Yo Yo is a god, look at those fingers, what magic.... transition into MALENA.... just not the same magic transition to GLADIATOR.... wonderful score... wow... having YoYo Ma play the enemy (Zimmer's) score is weird, but he makes it sound so good..... Now CHOCOLAT, the most whimsical and light of the nominees..... Yitzak is so good, and YoYo is so happy look at him! AWESOME!!!!

THE PATRIOT - John Williams

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON

MALENA

GLADIATOR

CHOCOLAT

And it goes to Tan Dun for CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON!!! YES!!! Ok, Gladiator and CTHD are tied at 3 at each... This is one of the tightest races I've ever seen! Wow

Pepsi, Onstar Batman ads are just really really good... Where are the MOVIE ADS!!! I want to see some cool early trailers!!!!

Anthony Hopkins pops out....Whoa, he looks way older than he did in HANNIBAL... to present the THALBERG award to Dino DeLaurentis.... Man, weirdest award given... I mean he produced some great films early on, but man oh hell... oh hell.... BARBARELLA... Shit give it to him, that's the greatest film ever! Oh man, a lifetime acheivement award to the guy that produced BARBARELLA and CONAN THE BARBARIAN.... eeeeeek, Kong.... DUNE!!!! YES YES.... PABST BLUE RIBBON, god I love THE BOUNTY... Man, he's done a ton of work... but he's also made a ton of... not so good movies and truly rotten flicks, but the good out weighs the bad in my eyes... I mean NIGHTS OF CABRIA alone should garner this award!!! Uh oh, he speaks.... Sorry, I'm just entranced by his pentameter of speech... what a character, I've only really seen people DOING Dino's voice... it is just entrancing...

Winona Ryder to introduce BJORK to sing I'VE SEEN IT ALL.... Oh boy... let's see the gaudy production number on this.... Ok, very creepy, but are they adhereing to the rules of Dogma.... Oh good, low key... great, showcasing Bjork... Way to go, somewhere El Cosmico has got to be happy.... I love the kangaroo delivery... great now I'm gonna have this song stuck in my head humming all day!

Look it's the Worst Actor RASPBERRY AWARD Winner... oh no... the departed montage... I'll cry

Fairbanks Jr... Marie Windsor, Beah Richards, Edward Anhalt, Billy Barty the coolest, Julius Epstein will always have paris, George Montgomery, STEVE REEVES!!!, Jean Peters lovely, Vittorio Gassman, Jean-Pierre Aumont, DALE EVANS wow, Gwen Verdon, Stanley Kramer 0 God, Jack Nitzsche, Harold Nicholas, Howard Koch.... Loretta Young, Richard Farnsworth, John Gielgud oh tears, Jason Robards Jr oh man oh man, Bill Bradley, Claire Trevor.... ALEC GUINNESS, crying bad now, Walter Matthau... sniffllling.... Oh man... I love and hate those sequences... always.... Claire Trevor was so great in so many films... Oh man.....

There is just something wrong with doing the STAYIN ALIVE car ad after the John Travolta introduced Memorial Segment!!!!

Juliette Binoche and the evil dwarf man! He could play Rumplestiltskin! BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM!!!

AMORES PERROS!!! Great film

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON

DIVIDED WE FALL

EVERYBODY FAMOUS... I want to see that

THE TASTE OF OTHERS!!!

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON wins in the biggest "Oh D'UH!" win of the night... Ang Lee will be up here again folks... you'll see

Ben Affleck, all scruffy looking... to introduce TRAFFIC... two awards thus far....

Jennifer Lopez... damn them nipples are showing like hell, TERRIBLE FRAMING... Lower that shot... Waist up!!! DAMMIT!!! DAMMIT!!! You damn idiot Oscar editors... UGH!!!! BOB DYLAN is just one of the coolest strangest looking people ever... Look at that face... classic! Is it just me or does that look like a slightly hipper Vincent Price.... circa THEATER OF BLOOD? Man, wish he could've been at the ceremony surronded by weirdness... but then he's wonderfully weird enough... DEVITO EATING A CARROT... CLASSIC!!!

Uh oh, the BEST SONG...

FOOL IN LOVE

I'VE SEEN IT ALL

A LOVE BEFORE TIME

MY FUNNY FRIEND IN ME -- ugh

THINGS HAVE CHANGED - Bob Dylan!!

BOB DYLAN WINS!!!!! YESSS!!!!!! hahahaha!!!! THe craziest man singer in the world!!!! "Oh good god this is amazing" Dylan got the word PUSSY on air! Awesome. I'm so proud of him!

Hhahaha, Steve Martin just gave DeVito Dip, and DeVito pulled out Celery from his coat... Classic

Hillary Swank to prest BEST ACTOR

Javier Bardem... Great role

Russell Crowe... Gladiator...

Tom Hanks - CASTAWAY

Ed Harris - Pollock

Geoffrey Rush - Quills

Everyone says Hanks, But I honestly don't know... The winner is... RUSSELL CROWE!!! Holy shit, his campaigning worked... This could portend to the possibility of GLADIATOR WINNING.... oh man... Gladiator now has 4.... and is in the lead for the night... Look Ridley smiled for a quarter of a second! Wow, awesome

Ashley Judd looking like a weird 30's flapper presenting CHOCOLAT... the oddest and most obvious campaigned nomination...

JULIE ANDREWS, now is satan going to grant me my wish? Ewww, ERNEST LEHMAN, I met him Years ago! Awesome! Lehman is a great cool man. NORTH BY NORTHWEST, SOUND OF MUSIC, SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS, KING AND I and on and on... Great work... I love the montage sequences... I hate the identifying titles... They suck, let people search, don't give it to them! I hate the titles! I REALLY HATE THE TITLES!!! So crass... Oh here he comes! He's the first screenwriter I ever met, we talked for about 30 minutes when I was 17 about Hitchcock and Robert Wise!!! He hasn't changed a bit in 11! Wow, I never noticed how much he looks like I imagine Spielberg will look in 35 years. Happy tears! I love moments like that!!!!

Kevin Spacey.... awesome! Best Actress

Joan Allen - solid work, but too restrained to be as effective as it could've been

Juliet Binoche - This nomination should go to Rachel Portman

ELLEN BURSTYN!!! PLEASE GOD WIN!!! WIN!!! MY GOD LOOK AT THAT!!! THAT'S THE BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR

Laura Linney - ho hum

Julia Roberts - she did a wonderful job, and she smiles best, so she'll win, but if god exists BURSTYN will win.

God is dead, Julia Roberts wins... She that reaction... that's why she won... right there... that's why she won... And ya know... this is a wonderful moment... she is very wonderful up there... "This is um.. um, quite pretty... uh oh... she just got her second wind... She has ahold of her nerves.... "Turn that clock off it makes me nervous!" "Who's been my agent since God was a boy!" haha, great... see and that was worthwhile! That was wonderful!! But GOD I WOULD'VE LOVED IT IF BURSTYN WON!

Best Screenplay awards...

Tom Hanks to present the Screenplay Awards.... I love Hanks because he is just a mega geek!

Oh WOW!!! Arthur C Clarke on the surface of the moon in Sri Lanka... He's Great! BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

CHOCOLAT

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON

O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU !!! PLEASE!

TRAFFIC so has this won

WONDERBOYS

Traffic wins... and Steven Gaghan's script was actually even better than the movie itself.... He's a very nice man too!

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY ---

ALMOST FAMOUS!!! WIN!!! WIN!!! PLEASE

Billy Elliot

Erin Brockovich

Gladiator

You Can Count On Me

And the winner is ALMOST FAMOUS!!!!!!!! YES!!!! Cameron Crowe WINS!!! He should have been nominated for Best Director and Best Picture, but Weinstein stole it! YEA!!!! YES!!!! Way to friggin GO!!!!!! Awesome!!!! I'm so incredibly pleased right now! Cool, he thanked Billy Wilder!!!!

Tom Cruise does DIRECTING

Billy Elliot

CTHD

EB

Traffic

OH MY GOD!!!! SODERBERGH WON!!!!! OH WOW!!!! OH WOW!!!!! OH MY GOD! HE WON!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! Jeffrey Wells might've done some good! Wow!!! The creator of SCHIZOPOLIS NOW HAS AN ACADEMY AWARD! WOW! Man, Best picture is so up in the air!

Michael Douglas is presenting BEST PICTURE!!!

CHOCOLAT - no way in hell

CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON -

ERIN BROCKOVICH

GLADIATOR

TRAFFIC

and the winner is.... GLADIATOR!!! Well it did it! Wow, AICN held the first public screening for the Best Picture of the year! That's cool! Well, I have to go... I have to get to make-up.... see you on TV really soon!