Quint's Adventures in L A: Bruce Campbell, HALLOWEEN, JURASSIC PARK 3, CROC DUNDEE 3, GHOSTS OF MARS and mo

I was there really to hang out with Greg Nicotero, who I got to know pretty well when he was in Austin shooting Spy Kids, but he couldn't have kept me from wandering around the shop.

In one corner there was a couple rod puppet Martians for John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars. They looked pretty cool. Apparently they're only used once in a flashback sequence. We get to see them wiped out, hence the presence of their ghosts thousands of years later. The main one was only about 2 or 3 feet tall with a light orangish skin. The face looked more friendly than menacing. Its costume was what looked like red armor. It had 3 deep, horizontal cuts on its legs. A self-mutilation thing.

Then there were the casts of small arms on a shelf labeled "Hearts In Atlantis." Too cool.

Not to mention the old props from past movies. As we headed up to Greg's office we passed a vampire from From Dusk 'Til Dawn, an animatronic tiger from god knows what and ended up in this upstairs corridor with blood-red walls.

If you followed this corridor to its end, you'd find yourself in a room full of cool stuff. It seemed to me to be this kind of display room/meeting room. There were life-sized replicas (or real props?) of Pumpkinhead, Spawn, Faculty-monster, The Mummy, the Exorcist Statue (a replica from Robert Englund's collection in Wishmaster, I think) and that scary no eyed naked woman from The House on Haunted Hill, one of the only truly effective scares in that movie, in my opinion.

There were also, encased in glass, smaller props and miniatures. There was that tentacled ax-wielding Grandma from Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness, decapitated heads from all walks of life (or death for that matter) and weird small furry anamatronic animals.

I could have spent the day there, just absorbing the coolness of my surroundings, but I did have a screening to get to and some movie poster shops to hit before that. We said bye to Greg and headed off to grab a bite to eat.

Godbless Fatburger. Fatburger rules. Inexpensive animal flesh to help clog my arteries! Tasty, too! The world is a much better place with Fatburger in it.

Andy and I got to Hollywood around 3:30pm. The party started at 6:00pm. We had 2 and a half hours to hunt down some cool movie stuff. I ended up flipping through about 2000 movie posters and lobby cards. I walked away with 4 lobby cards. One Sixteen Candles lobby card with Farmer Ted and Samantha featured, one Legend lobby card with a close up of Tom Cruise, one Labyrinth lobby card with David Bowie and his goblins and finally a Beastmaster lobby card with Marc Singer swinging his sword about. Not a bad haul.

We got to BLUE, the name of the club on Las Palmas, next to the Egyptian at about 6:04 and went in to pick up our passes. This is where things started getting strange. I walked up to a table with lots of boxes filled with manila envelopes and asked the guy where I pick up my pass. He took one look at me and said, "Quint, right? Hi! I'm a big fan of the site." I fumbled through a "Um, ayuh... yeah... how'd... wow... thanks... yeah..." He just pointed to my shirt.

I was wearing my Butt-Numb-A-Thon Survivor t-shirt that has a big "Harry head" on it. Still, though. It's one thing for Harry to get recognized on appearance alone. He's not exactly hard to miss and just happens to look exactly like his animation. Me on the other hand... well, there's no reason anybody should recognize me, except for my devilish good looks, that is. Yeah...

The guy handed me an envelope and said something about me getting to sit in a seemingly magical place called "the roped off section." Cool. I noticed there was a mountain of Halloween black and orange cloth bags bulging with unknown goodies behind him and asked if I could have one. He said he couldn't give them out until after the party, so I thanked him and sulked away.

OK. This was my first full on LA party. I was stunned. You walk into this club and the lights are dim. It's not quite dark, but very shadowy. Carpenter's Halloween theme is blasting through the sound system and if I remember correctly, it never stopped. At the back of the room, behind a thin black curtain was an apparent video projection of Halloween.

Andy got off his cell phone and says Don went to go pick up Angus "Boyyyy" Scrimm and will be there shortly. We both decided to wander the party and see what we can see. We were some of the first people into the party, so there was still room to move around and see the decorations. Let me tell you, my little squirts, they dolled that place up really well. Each table had a small coffin on it and in each coffin were individual size candies. They had orange napkins with the Halloween artwork in black on them. There was a life-sized coffin in the back of the room, near the video projection stuff. Upon closer investigation, we noticed a little stand in front of the open coffin that said it was a memorial service for Judith Meyers.

Then there were the waiters and people just hired to walk around the party. Holy shit. One looking like Frankenstein (newly picked flower in hand and all), one looking like the Hunchback, a few zombies... but the kickers were the various Michael Meyers's walking around. The first one I saw was a small child wearing a clown outfit and holding a bloody knife. Too cool! Then I saw the full out, mask and grey jumpsuit wearing Michael Meyers. This guy was really into his role. Throughout the night, I witnessed him walk up to people who were in deep conversation and just stand there staring at them. Whenever they addressed him, he would either shake his head slowly "no" or just keep perfectly still, continuing the stare. Then there was the Ghost Bob/Michael Meyers walking around. You know, white sheet with those great '70s tinted glasses on.

Andy and I grabbed a table after about 10 minutes of wandering. The table we got was up by the entrance so we could see the people as they arrived. The first celebrity we spotted was Bruce Campbell. We, being the incredible geeks that we are, grinned ear to ear. Holy shit! It's fucking Ash!!!

We got control of ourselves and spotted Don coming in with Angus. We abandoned our table to go join the small circle that was already growing around them. After about 10 minutes of shooting the shit with the Tall Man and the various comer-uppers (including a chick writing for Fangoria) I decided to break off and go do a once over of the party. I had, afterall, stopped watching people come in, so I wanted to see who had slipped past me.

The first person I recognized was Jack Hill, who I had met in Austin a year or two ago during the SXSW Film Festival where he showed Coffy, Swinging Cheerleaders, Big Doll House, Big Bird Cage and Spider Baby. Cool. The rumor was Drew Barrymore was supposed to show up, so I kept an especially keen eye out for her. C'mon, she's gorgeous! Plus I had a few questions for her regarding the Barbarella sequel she's doing.

As thoughts of Drew were swimming through my head, I noticed a rather tall man with a white beard. I cocked my head to the side... where had I seen this man before? I caught a flash of an exploding head. I shook that image clear, then another flash, this time of Tom Savini with a machete. Ah!!! My mouth dropped open. I hadn't even realized it, but I was standing 5 feet away from George A. Romero.

I had a billion questions, not the least of which were about Twilight of the Dead, but I held back. He was in the middle of a mob of geeks, like myself, and I figured I'd come back to him when he wasn't so surrounded. Bad mistake. As the party drew on, the mob around him just grew.

I wandered some more and saw Bruce again. Surprisingly, he didn't have that many people around him. I guess they all saw Romero come in. I went up to join his small circle. As I'm listening to him talk with somebody who works in the business, somewhere in distribution, I think, I feel a hand on my back. I turned to see that it's a cute girl that's touching me. Why, you may ask? I was thinking the same thing. She says, with an adorable English accent, "Excuse me, but are you Moriarty?" then nods at my shirt.

What to say? What to say? Maybe she was working for Warner Bros or Disney and on a mission to take out the Big M. Then again, maybe she was a groupie. God knows I could use one of those. I played it safe, though. "No, I'm Quint. Moriarty said he'd be around, though."

She smiled and said, "I want you now." No, wait. That's not quite right. Let me think... Oh yeah! It was: "Oh, I'm with Virgin Entertainment and was supposed to meet up with Moriarty." Huh huh, she said 'Virgin' and I said, "I haven't seen him yet, but I'm sure he'll be at the movie if you don't catch him here." She thanked me and left.

I turned around to see it was my turn to introduce myself to Bruce. I started with a handshake and said, "Hi, I'm Quint. We met very briefly when you were at the Alamo Drafthouse to show the Evil Dead Trilogy a year ago." He just kind of nodded and shook my hand, then looked down at my shirt and went "Hey! I know that guy! How's Harry doing? He's in my documentary, you know. How do you know him?" I told him that I write for the site. He said, "Groovy" which made my week.

We ended up talking about the Evil Dead game, which he assured me was going to be really cool. I then asked him for an autograph for a friend of mine, a girl who I'm quite sweet on and he graciously complied. I thanked him for helping me score points and he laughed and told me anything to help a brother out. Awesome!

He also said he had just finished editing his documentary and was thinking about including it with the book he's writing. I mentioned that I do interviews for the site and he said he'd be glad to do one in a few months to promote his book. So, God-willing, look for an interview with Bruce around February.

During our chat, some people came up and were waiting to talk with Bruce. I looked around at a guy to my immediate left. He looked very familiar. Bruce started talking to some of the other people who had gathered and I turned to the familiar guy to get another good look. I finally pinpointed it. I said, "Hey, Kevin Williamson, right?" He said yes and shook my hand. I mentioned that I had received a copy of an unauthorized biography on him and he rolled his eyes. "Those things are bullshit. Most of the stuff in them are completely made up."

I told him I only brought it up because I had done an interview with Elijah Wood that was used, in part, in the Faculty section of the book. He said, "Exactly. All they use is press stuff, so the book ends up being totally untrue." Oookkkk. I told him it was a pleasure, then went back to find Andy, Don or Angus.

As I was walking back to the front of the room, I felt a shift. Suddenly, there were a hundred people to my right and a thousand flashbulbs going off simultaneously illuminated the entire right side of the room. My woman, I thought! Drew had finally come to collect me! I tiptoed above the paparazzi and saw Jamie Lee Curtis there instead. Curses! I held my super secret spy cam. watch up, lifted it over my head, above the wall of photographers, and took a single picture. Mind you, I couldn't see what I was shooting. I just figured, what the hell? It ended up really nice. A good shot of Jamie Lee and that little kid I told you about earlier who was dressed up as Clown Outfit Michael Meyers.

At this point, a guy came over the intercom, cutting out the Halloween theme, and announced that we should start heading over to the Egyptian to grab our seats as that they were going to be letting in "the public" in 10 minutes. I decided to take off. I got my goodie bag and inspected it as I was walking to the Egyptian. T-Shirt. Cool, except it doesn't fit me. Jamie Lee Curtis's newest kids books. Cool. A tin full of candy, the Halloween #1 comic book and some other goodies. Not bad.

I reached the Egyptian and remembered being told to "go in the side door." As I looked for the side door I hear "Quint! Hey Quint!" I turned to see Moriarty waiting in the incredibly long "public" line and he looked pissed. I went up to him and asked, "What are you doing here? Why weren't you at the party?" He gave me some bullshit about wanting to spend time with the "commoners" and needing to blend in to avoid the authorities, but that nasty look on his face told me otherwise. He was denied access to the party. Either that or he had indigestion, I'm not sure which.

I showed off my newly acquired goodie bag and left him and Robie there to go find the elusive "side door." After a few minutes of searching I stumbled across it. The bouncer at the door didn't seem to want to let anybody in. I flashed my ticket that had two red checkmarks on it. He sneered at it, tore it in half and let me in. Woo-hoo! Where to sit? I noticed a row almost completely deserted about 6 rows up. There was only one person sitting in the middle. As I approached, I noticed it was Bob Kurtzman, who I had met earlier that morning at KNB. I ended up sitting a seat away from him and held a few seats for Don, Andy and Angus.

As everybody started piling in, our row filled up. I ended up sitting next to Angus. Even though I had met the man on a few different occasions, it was still incredibly weird (and totally cool) to sit next to the man during a classic horror film.

The reunion panel begun. Jamie Lee, PJ Soles, Debra Hill, Tommy Lee Wallace, Nancy (Loomis) Kyes, Nick Castle, Dean Cundey and a producer or two were all there. The panel lasted a good 50 minutes or so. They chronicled the beginnings of the film. The evolution from The Baby-sitter Murders to Halloween, basically. It was revealed that cinematographer Dean Cundey had shot one of the Ilsa films and Satan's Cheerleaders before going onto Halloween. Jamie Lee brought up her role as a spokesperson for "a digital phone company." The panel groaned. "No n-n-n-no. I just wanted to segue into this. Listen to what my phone does." She held it up. Nothing happened.

Silence. Finally it goes off. It's the Halloween theme. Everybody applauds. Jamie Lee says, "So, if you're in a supermarket or something and hear that, then you can come over and see how cool I am." Then, from behind me a cell phone went off. It was also the Halloween theme, but a better sounding version of it. Everybody went "Oooooo." Jamie Lee smirked and said, "But it's cooler when I have it." Applause.

The other thing brought up that I hadn't heard before was Tommy Lee Wallace telling how the mask was picked. It had come down between two masks. One was the now classic William Shatner mask, the other a clown mask. He said he was leaning towards the clown mask because he thought clowns were inherently scary. They ended up picking the William Shatner mask, but he said he got his scary clown experience years later when he directed Stephen King's IT.

The panel ended and the movie started. It was a completely remastered print from the original negative. Absolutely stunning. It played magnificently on the huge screen of the Egyptian.

After the movie, Andy and I waited at the front of the Egyptian to see who we could see. I'm terribly glad we did. Who else but PJ Soles came out and talked to her many fans. I totally couldn't help myself, so I totally went up to her and totally got a picture with her. Totally.

Before I end this day, I have to give props to Anchor Bay, by far the coolest video release company today. I mean, come on. Who else would put out a great DVD of one of my all time favorite cheesy 80s horror films, Sleepaway Camp, complete with commentary by the director and star? They also throw one hell of a party. I was told they are planning do a similar event next year with Evil Dead. If you live in the LA area, keep your eye open for that one. If it's anything like the Halloween phenomena, then it's not to be missed.

DAY 3

Not a lot happened this day. I wandered 3rd Street Promenade. Saw some very cool street performances. Wandered around a model shop or two. Spent about 20 minutes on the beach. Honestly, though. I am a seaman. How much time on the beach do I really need?

I ate like a king that night at a fine Italian restaurant called Bucca di Beppo (I'm positive that's not spelled correctly). It happened to be Don's daughter's birthday, so we all went and gained about 5 lbs apiece.

I ended the night seeing Bamboozled with Don. What a movie. Funky, funny, weird. All good. I'll write up a more detailed review in a few days.

I hit the bed early (at least earlier than the previous night) and read some of Stephen King's newest release "On Writing." The next day was going to be fun. The plan was to hit Universal Studios early, then something really cool. Gods and Monsters was going to show at the Egyptian with Bill Condon and Lynn Redgrave both there. Good stuff.

DAY 4

Andy and I hit Universal Studios. You see, I was going to be damned if I was in LA and didn't see T2:3-D. I cringed at the $41 ticket price. Ouch. It better be damn good.

We made our way immediately to T2:3-D and made the first show. The effects rocked. Terrific use of 3D. The script on the other hand... Arnold holding an endoskeleton head from a destroyed terminator saying "He was my college roommate." Good God. It was damn fun seeing the cast back together, though.

After the show, Andy and I decided to try to sneak onto the backlot. It was going to be tough. They had that place guarded well. I mean, Jurassic Park 3 was currently filming, so they beefed up the security since the last time I was there. You longtime readers may remember I sneaked onto the Universal lot 2 years ago and ran into Steve Martin, who I convinced to hand over the script for Bowfinger, then titled Bowfinger's Big Thing.

We decided the easiest way to get onto the backlot was to take the tram, then find some way to abandon it without getting security called on us. We managed to score a ticket that allowed us to get the first row on the first tram. About 10 minutes into the ride, we concluded it would be impossible for both of us to get off the tram. We ended up doing rock/paper/scissors Tremors-style. I won.

Andy flashed the young, white female tour guide and the older, black male driver. Both reeled back in horror and covered their eyes. I was over the side, on the ground and hidden in the old western set before their hands dropped from their faces. Let me tell you something. A helluva lot of trams go through that backlot. It was a big pain in the ass hiding from them.

I kept out of sight of all trams an ended up in the last place I expected to be, Whoville. Here are some snapshots. They just dumped Whoville in the backlot. Pretty damn cool. I looked inside a few of the Whoville buildings. Small and cramped, but still cool.

I was then at the Bates Motel. Cool. Suddenly a tram whips around the corner. Fuck!!! I jumped into Cabin #1 just in the nick of time. As the tram went by, I heard the tour guide tell a funny story. Apparently one day a tram was doing its thing and was going by the Psycho house and one of the tourists saw a grey-haired figure peek out of one of the windows. Then, somebody in a dress and a grey wig ran screaming out of the house and attacked the tram and scared the shit out of everyone on board. Apparently, Man on the Moon was shooting at that time and Jim Carrey got bored during the downtime and decided to have some fun.

I laughed at that story and nearly got my giggling ass caught. Nearly, but not quite! Fools! After I made sure the coast was clear, I walked up past the Psycho house (both old and new) and then found myself on the Jurassic Park 3 set. Well, one of the sets. One of the exterior sets. There were guards everywhere. It was Sunday, so no shooting was going on, but it was a hot set.

I believe this is where the Visitor's Center from The Lost World was located on the tour. I don't know if they allow trams to drive past that set now because of the secretive nature of the film, but if you should happen to hijack one of the trams and know the route, drive around the Psycho house and you'll find it.

It literally looked like they threw a lot of shit onto everything. The Visitor's Center was covered in mud and fallen trees. There were a couple of SUV-type vehicles, both totally covered in mud, parked outside. Huge branches and leaves covered the surrounding grounds.

There was also a huge Cliffside being constructed. This thing was gigantic! It must have been a half a mile in circumference and the cliffside itself stood about 150-200 feet high. I couldn't see much else from my position, the only place to hide in that vicinity. I didn't dare snap a photo. The security guards all looked like Secret Service guys with those sound amplifier things in their ears. They would hear the snap of the shutter and pinpoint me in seconds. Even my super-secret spy watch camera, would be detected. Not worth the risk. Now, if there had been actual dinos... then maybe, but not for a big cliff and a couple muddy SUVs.

Now, trying to find my way out of the backlot, I just wandered aimlessly. I heard somebody whistling my favorite song. Farewell and adieu to my fair Spanish ladies... farewell and adieu my ladies of Spain... you know the one. I followed it and came across a large pond. Something was fishy here. My seaman sense was tingling. Then the sound of a motor. Shit! Another tram. Without a second thought, I dove into the water. I come up slowly, stopping with just my nose and top of my head out of the water. There was movement in the water. A dorsal fin! Fuck! My archnemesis! I started having WWII flashbacks of the USS Indianapolis, but the sound of the tour guide on the tram snapped me back into the here and now.

Some poor bastard was getting it to my left, yet these people on the tram were all smiling and taking pictures! What the fuck was wrong with them! Then they got attacked. That big fucker jumped out of the water and almost got them. Some of people were still laughing and taking pictures. If only they knew what it was like having a shark biting down on you, pulverizing your bones, tearing your intestines to shreds. Bloody vomit was starting to creep up my throat, but I choked it back. If that bastard shark smelled it in the water, I was done for.

The tram was still there! I decided to press my luck and jump on the side of the tram. It was better than staying in water with a shark. Silently, I leaped out of the water and onto the side of the tram, crunched over and out of sight. As I was adjusting my footing and grip, I bumped my super secret spy camera that poses at a wristwatch and it clicked off a picture. Here it is:

As you can see, it was a close call. Another 2 seconds in that water and I would have been done for. I again rolled off the tram once on firm ground. Needless to say, that was the last big event before finding my way off the backlot. It's pretty easy to get out once you're in. I just saw a car parked in a space that said: "Reserved for Kathleen Kennedy" and attached myself to the underside. After a few minutes of waiting, Ms. Kennedy (I presume) walks up, opens her door, starts the engine (note to self: when attaching oneself to the underside of an automobile, never lean against the exhaust pipe) and drives off the lot. Once safely outside, I unattached myself and was free at last. Thank God Almighty!

I met up with Andy who was curious about my adventures. I merely waived my hand at him while I was catching my breath. What a sight I must have been. A dripping wet seaman with mud all over my shoes and a severely burned right hand. Damn exhaust...

We abandoned the park and headed back to Hollywood for the Gods and Monsters screening. As we were looking for parking, we notice some trailers and crew setting up lights on the street bordering the Egyptian's right side. Holy shit, it was film set! But it was Sunday! What the hell?

We end up parking in a lot a few blocks away then walked up to the Egyptian to buy our tickets. As we're approaching, Andy's cell phone goes off. I hear: "Hello. Um, yeah, here he is." He hands the phone to me.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Quint. It's Laura, I just got your message. How're you?" It was another one of my LA women! Ms. Laura Harris, star of Faculty. You guys might remember the fun interview I did with her way back in the day. She's a honey.

"I'm doing fine, Laura. What's up?"

"Are you guys still going to that movie at the Egyptian?"

"Yep, we're here right now," I said.

"Cool. I have rehearsal for my current flick, but that's not until 6pm."

"Cool, you gonna come and hang out?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in half an hour."

Awesome! I can think of worse things to do in an afternoon than spending it with a hot starlet.

After we bought our tickets, we decided to go investigate that movie set. There were road blocks up, but no police or any other guards. We walked past some of the trucks and I noticed one of them had a sign laying on the dashboard. A huge grin appeared on my face. The sign read: "Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles." Wow. How very odd. Andy and I just laughed and headed back to meet Laura.

Laura showed up about 10 minutes later, as cute as ever. Andy didn't say much, just stared, mouth hung open with drool collecting at the corners. Laura and I played catch up a bit. I learned she was working on a movie called Going Greek. We went in, caught the movie and had a helluva time.

The Q&A at the end was pretty cool. Lynn Redgrave in particular was a riot. I wish I could relate to you guys how the Q&A went, but it seemed to be one of those things you had to be there to fully appreciate.

After the film, Andy and I bid Laura a fond adieu (and I got a kiss on the cheek!!!) then headed back to the car. The sun was starting to set at this point. What a day! We entered the lot to see a huge catering truck. What the fuck? Weird. We approached the car and I looked up to see somebody I knew. I went up to my friend and he greeted me with a handshake and smile. "How's Austin!?! I sure miss it. How's Harry?"

I just stood there flabbergasted. I asked why he was shooting on a Sunday. He said they were working on a Saturday-Wednesday schedule, so they got Thursday and Friday off. I was reeling at the coincidence of it all. The only movie shooting in town that day just happened to be around the Egyptian. The catering just happened to be in the lot we parked in. The only guy I knew who was working on the picture just happened to be at the catering truck.

"You guys hungry? C'mon and I'll grab you guys something to eat." He took us to the catering truck and grabbed us both a thick sandwich and a banana smoothee thingy that apparently was there by demand of Paul Hogan. We sat down and ate while he ran off to set. We just laughed again. Latice of coincidence. Then up comes Linda Kozlowski with a small child of maybe a year and half. I heard her being introduced to some other