Hey there AICN readers and A.B. King, Harry here. One of my fellow friends of decidedly LOW character is Harry Lime. Thug, scoundrel... He's the sort of guy you call if you need someone tripped in a highly awkward moment for them. You know... You've met Harry Lime. He's the sort of evil bastard that walks behind tourists that are taking photos... Times it so that as he hears, "One... two...," and right at that moment he's behind the people and turns and smiles as, "three. click" comes. Thereby ruining their priceless moments. Oh yes. There is no doubt about it. Now, however, this purveyer of rancid memories is getting in a new type of picture... That's right... the test screening. Only the vilest of evil doers would stoop so low... folks... he'll stoop lower. Now for some notes about the film he's about to unleash himself upon. First off, he 'REALLY' didn't care for this movie much, BUT... I would like to point out the extreme advance nature of this screening. The movie will not be distributed till March 1st, 2000. That's right, so they have a looooong time to sculpt this film into shape. Though it sounds like the film has some major problems... The test screening process has been known to right such problems. Also the director, Jim Gillespie (I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER), is known for directing a film that people had widely varying opinions on. So hold off judgement. This film has a long process to go through. Let's cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Harry Lime Goes to THE OUTPOST
No one has ever accused me of being anything less than awful. Just ask the girl from TITANIC and she'll tell you... I'm the most hideous man alive. I've sold bunk medicine to hospitals and even went so far as to fake my own death. But never, in my entire history of hideousness, have I ever committed an act of pure indecency like the kind I witnessed this evening.
First of all, I want to send out a special thank you to the good people of NRG for really rolling out the red carpet for me. Getting in couldn't have been easier and you guys were, as always, pleasant and accommodating. Secondly, to the team responsible for the film itself (I saw some of you huddled together in the hallway just outside the theater discussing the movie at the end of the screening): Congratulations. You're responsible for, perhaps, the first truly horrible movie of the new millennium. Give yourselves a big pat on the back.
There's lots of blame to spread around, though. So let's get started. Formerly titled DETOX, this Sylvester Stallone action flick is about a FBI Agent (Sly) who experiences a devastating personal tragedy and, unable to cope, retreats into a bottle of booze. The opening few scenes with Sly chasing after the movie's cookie-cutter psychopath feels a lot like a DIRTY HARRY movie. Also there's a very heavy SE7EN vibe going on here. When there's a dead body on screen, it's pretty damn graphic.
This particular murderer has an unexplained fetish for hanging his victims by the neck. In fact, by the end of the film, I'd say there's at least a good dozen people lynched. Act one climaxes with Sly's personal tragedy, which I'll stay vague about so I don't spoil it for the suckers who want to waste their hard earned money on this piece of crap. Anyway... it's in that scene that Sly does his best work in the film. His reaction is devastating and I really felt something in that moment... which is why I gave the rest of the film a chance.
Unfortunately, the rest of the film is garbage. Sly disappears for large chunks of the movie. Instead, we're forced to sit through unbearable scenes in which recovering alcoholics yell at each other in a remote, bunker-style detox clinic for cops. Several times, the audience laughed openly at more "dramatic" beats. What really makes it insufferable, though, is the unique little quirks given to each person as a substitute for character.
Tom Berenger is completely uninteresting as a backward handy man and Kris Kristofferson is (I better watch my step here 'cause I don't want Kris rollin' up on me and kickin' my ass) great in a little movie called LONE STAR and not so great here as a former cop/alcoholic who runs the program. Robert Patrick plays a SWAT guy who storms around the bunker, pissed off about everything, getting up in everyone's face. Polly Walker does fine with what she's given... which ain't much.
Act two does focus a little on Sly, dealing with his inner demons, but shifts gears when (surprise!) people start turning up dead. And guess who's knocking them off? You don't have to be the screenwriter to figure that one out. Even the somewhat lame SHOOT TO KILL (a Tom Berenger/Sidney Poitier thriller from the 80's) had a better 'who's the killer?' plot.
The film even makes a nod to John Carpenter's THE THING while in the same breath ripping it off. Charles Dutton plays the good friend who urges Sly to seek help when his alcoholism spins wildly out of control. Dutton remains throughout the film as sort of a comic relief Dick Hallorann. He drops Sly off at the detox center of doom, then goes off to ice fish until Sly contacts him through 'shining'. Dutton drops what he's doing so he can hitch a ride back up there in a SnowCat with Ron Howard's dad. The final showdown that he wanders into is a joke. We've seen it a million times which is why no one seemed really that surprised when it ended the way it did.
In fact, the entire movie seemed like a giant collection of scenes we're more than just a little familiar with. As far as Stallone's contribution is concerned, I guess it's as much his fault as anybody's for saying yes to what was obviously a bad script. It's a shame, though, because throughout the film he's trying really hard. A couple times he succeeds and seems to be starring in a much better movie that's playing in his mind. He's done some great work recently in DAYLIGHT, COP LAND, and ANTZ, which leads me to believe that all he needs is a great script.
Judging from how bad THE OUTPOST is, I have to wonder if he even read the damn thing. He's obviously no idiot, but seems to be a magnet for this kind of crap. Sly, I think you need to adopt a new policy for selecting scripts: If it stinks on the page, then just say "no." You've got more than enough money now to take a few risks. Surprise us. Heck, finally do your Edgar Allan Poe dream project. There's no way in hell it could end up being worse this.
Well, I'm all out of venom so I'll wrap this up. Go see THE OUTPOST if you think I'm way off, but don't say I didn't warn you when you find yourself staggering back to your car thinking, "Man, that sucked." It just makes me sad when I see stuff like this. Especially after just seeing AMERICAN BEAUTY, the smart new film from DreamWorks. I saw both of these films for free, but since we vote with our dollars, I think the choice is clear which one I'll be going back to see.
--Harry Lime
