Published at: Aug. 11, 1999, 1:04 a.m. CST by headgeek
I am so tired. Exhausted, worn plum out.
I just got back to Austin from my little 24 hour
excursion to Los Angeles to hook up with Moriarty.
Read the sacred texts, break into a major effects
company and of course go see KISS playing in some
UCLA parking lot.
Oh yeah. And we were also going to see DETROIT
ROCK CITY.
Now before I get into this review and begin talking
about last night, I want to set y’all straight on this.
I’m seeing DETROIT ROCK CITY again tonight...
Without any of the pomp and circumstance. Just with
the regular cool line folks. Gene Simmons will be
nowhere within sight. In fact... The only thing I’ll
want to do after the movie tonight is sleep, cause I
haven’t had the opportunity to do that yet and it’s
been a long ass haul of awakeness.
Now... Let’s set the way back machine for 17 hours
ago.
WHOOPS!!!! In actuality I hit the snooze button and
slept. Now it seems I’m back in Austin and I’ve just
returned from the second showing of DETROIT
ROCK CITY that I’ve seen. I’ll review both
experiences in this review.
So, once again, I’ll attempt to set the way back
controls...
(doodily doo doodily doo doodily doo)
Alright. I’m in Los Angeles, it’s the 25th
Anniversary of Richard Nixon’s resignation. And 30
years ago in this town we all learned of a terrible
murder that took Sharon Tate’s life and introduced us
all to Charles Manson and his family.
I wasn’t around for Manson, but I remember Nixon’s
presidency coming to an end. Quickly followed by
Ford’s head hitting that microphone and Chevy Chase
doing an impersonation of it.
I remember Jimmy Carter and his brother’s BILLY
BEER, I remember boycotting the Olympics and
cheating Kurt Thomas out of the chance to win a ton
of Olympic gold.
I remember the world of KROFT, the original Stretch
Armstrong, Mego Dolls, metal lunchboxes, long hair,
polyester, tight jeans with funky stitching on the back
pockets. I remember Phantom of the Paradise, Dark
Star, Schlock (aka The Banana Monster), projected
Godzilla movies, Drive-ins, glass bottles with no
plastic in sight. Gasoline under 70 cents. I also
remember the OPEC strike and the 7 mile gas station
lines with cars being pushed empty to the pump.
I remember being afraid of the Russians, but knowing
that we would win. I remember disco and all it’s
glory, and I remember Rock-N-Roll kicking Disco’s
ass.
Back when Ozzy Osborne was eating the heads off
live chickens on stage and tongue kissing the serpents
as well. I remember the first time I heard of KISS.
It was 1975. I was 3 and a half years old. It was in
Detroit. Technically at the DETROIT TRIPLE FAN
FAIR to be precise. A convention that my parents
had taken me to. It was the same convention where
my father purchased a two foot stack of YELLOW
SUBMARINE animation cels and the original pan
backgrounds for FORBIDDEN PLANET.
My mother had befriended a stripper at the
convention and she told my mother how she goes
from costume contest to costume contest winning best
costume and collecting the $100 reward without ever
stripping.
Hearing this (there is a point to the story) my mother
wanted to try it out and wondered out loud where she
could get a costume. Mom’s new friend said she had
an extra costume that was about her size that was a
Barbarella costume.
Mom really did love BARBARELLA so consented.
She went out on stage and stomped her foot 3 times to
get the room’s attention... The costume came apart at
the Velcro hinges and left her completely nude on
stage. She won the female division of the costume
contest. The male winner was a guy dressed up like
some sort of nightmare. And the runner up was a god
of thunder viking character with a long beard.
The winners posed for an artist and my father bought
the piece. I had it hanging in my room since the age
of three and a half. Here it is....
Now at that time, I knew nothing about KISS. I
didn’t know that that character sung songs. At the
time I was in my ‘RAMBLIN MAN’ phase with an
occasional intervention of Snow White’s “DIG DIG”
My favorite things in the universe were GORGO and
THE INCREDIBLE HULK.
As the following years went by I began seeing that
head next to my mother’s appear everywhere. I had
heard their music, but hadn’t put the image with the
music together yet.
I remember at some point in 1977 or 78, KISS played
near or in Austin. And everyone in Mrs Sparkman’s
class in Elementary school was talking about them.
I’d seen magazines out the ass of fiery explosions and
gurgling blood and bad ass images that would haunt
my subconscious as well as conscious mind.
Then in 1979... Three Mile Island went insane. Two
weeks before I had seen CHINA SYNDROME and I
was officially scared of Nuclear Power. A party in
Austin called EEYORE’S BIRTHDAY PARTY was
coming up and I put on my glow in the dark Reptilian
mask, my NO NUKES t-shirt and green makeup
along my arms and went to win the costume contest.
They asked me what I was and I told them, “I’m the
thing that survived three-mile island!”
Being the political town Austin was/is... I won. My
prize? The 4 KISS solo albums. Each with a face
upon it. That night, I put the music and the faces
together. And I’ve been dying to see them play ever
since.
I’ve had the gumcards, the comic printed with their
own blood, the Love Gun water pistol, the 4 12 inch
dolls, the lunch box, the belt buckle and a shit load of
magazines.
I had a very real chance to see them without make up
once. But... I had faith that the make up would
return. It’s kinda like when DC fucked up the
SUPERMAN costume, or anytime MARVEL screws
with SPIDER-MAN’s costume.... They always come
back to the classic iconic image.
But, I remember my friends in the late 70’s, and I
remember trying to connive to see KISS. My parents
would have been cool with it, but... There was
something about KISS that made you not want
parental support in your seeking out of them.
I didn’t want mom or dad to say, “Oh cool Harry,
here’s your tickets!”
I wanted to.... see them on my own. I wanted to quest
to see them. I wanted to go, not with mom or dad,
but a fellow friend who could sing loudly and out of
tune to every song sung. That would flash the ol
horns with the thumb out and not tucked in like the
University of Texas hook’em sign.
So, when I got my tickets to the world premiere to
DETROIT ROCK CITY (not through the studio btw),
I decided. It was my time to quest as well. Those
four kids in the movie, traversed many dangers to see
that concert. And one quote I had heard from the
movie, “What? You want to be watching KISS on
album covers for the rest of your life?” got me.
No goddamnit. I want to see KISS now!
So, I stepped off that plane, got to my hotel,
telephoned Moriarty and had some major adventures
into the forbidden that Moriarty and I will be clueing
you folks into over the next.... oh couple of weeks or
so.
About an hour before we were suppose to arrive at
the WESTWOOD VILLAGE, Moriarty and I hung
out in my room. And tried to relax. We were hyping
ourselves up too much. Also, both of our days had
started waaaay too early. And we both hadn’t much
sleep.
We sat in the room, drank our caffeinated drinks of
choice and talked about KISS. Moriarty being
around since the time of Leopold Stokowski has made
a study of music in this century. He told me about
how he had constructed 4 robotic rock stars, one with
an animatronic tongue, that were built and unleashed
with the express purpose of bringing forth
diversification. Moriarty has always felt that evil
needed some poster boys to take the heat off of him,
so he created KISS.
Personally I believe he’s full of shit and senile, but
that’s another story all together. I talked about Tom
Joad and his experience with his parents, specifically
his ex-nun Mom and her destroying of his Gene
Simmons poster. While my parents were doing things
like hanging posters in my bedroom as an infant that
portrayed Mickey, Donald and Goofy smoking a
hooka, and another that had every Disney character in
the midst of an orgy.... think of Pinnochio’s long nose
and a spread legged Cinderella (drawn by Wally
Wood). KISS was tame in their eyes... to me, they’re
exciting.
The clock ticked down. We got ready and hiked the
4 or 5 block walk on over to the Westwood Village.
We could hear sound checks from the UCLA parking
lot 7 blocks away... and we smiled. Me and my fat
cheeks and Moriarty with his wrinkled skin texture,
though as we got 2 blocks away he put on this wig
and had me affix these strange clothespins pulling his
skin smooth for a stunning BRAZIL-like disguise of a
young man. (We don’t call him an evil genius for
nothing)
Soon we saw the crowds and pulled out our tickets
got in the theater as quickly as possible and sat
down.... About 7th row center. This premiere had a
high degree of mega-babes walking around. ‘Big
breastses’
Moriarty was saying, “Lotsa of potential Mrs. Evil
Geniuses walking around tonight.”
Dirty old man.
Sure enough the movie started a good 45 minutes
late, which to me was actually 15 minutes early cause
these things always start an hour late... You can set
your watch by it.
From the opening New Line symbol it had me
smiling. There was this cool electric guitar riff
version of that... ‘New Line theme’
Now, right around here you are thinking. ‘Gosh
Harry, is it really necessary to go into all that above
detail before we get to the movie?’
Well, simply... With this film it’s imperative.
DETROIT ROCK CITY could be described as an
‘Animal House meets American Graffiti meets I
Wanna Hold Your Hand’ comedy. But to me, it’s a
lot easier than that. It’s like DAZED & CONFUSED
if it had been directed by Robert Rodriguez.
SEE THIS FILM IN A LOUD DAMN THEATER!
The soundtrack rocks hard and often. Not just with
KISS tunes but with music from all over the period.
And for me, the coolest musical sequences are a
couple of classical selections used for comic and
dramatic underscore which are just friggin hilarious.
If you can survive that EXCALIBUR piece about 12
minutes from the end without cracking up in hysterics
then you are a much stronger rock to crack than me.
Recently we’ve been seeing a lot of seventies set
movies, but the problem is.... while we see a few
references here and there to this and that from way
back when... We miss key objects. Where are our
Famous Monsters, the Marvel and DC comics, the
MAD magazines, the Hustlers, the Farrah poster, the
Partridge Family games, Stretch Armstrong, the black
light posters, the 8 track tapes, Lou Ferrigno, Cheech
& Chong, Jaws, Saturday Night Live, Nixon,
poisoned Kool-Aid and the Village People?
If you at all have a fetish for the seventies this is a bit
of an all-you-can-eat buffet for the eyes and ears. If
you have a complete distaste for the seventies then...
well you may very well leave the film with ribs
exposed and a bloated gas filled belly awaiting to
hear the stirring tune of WE ARE THE WORLD.
The film is rich in it’s detail. From the hairstyles to
the belt buckles to the wallets and watches. Now, one
person in my group tonight (here at the Austin
screening) claims that at the time of this movie there
were no punch button pay telephones, but that is a
detail that I sure as hell can’t remember one way or
another.
But I remember with great trepidation the K-MART
stylings that my maternal grandmother used to wrap
my carcass in. They were... HORRIBLE. Made me
look like some sort of red-headed step child of the
Brady Bunch. I hated them. Instead I grooved to the
political and pop-culture t-shirts my parents provided
me with. The ‘Question Authority’ one was a
particular fave of mine.
I’ve seen the film twice now. The first time was a
perfect visual and aural film presentation. Tonight at
the CINEMARK MULTIPLEX off of Stassney here
in Austin, Texas.... They turned the film on with
ONLY the center front speaker on and volume so low
that if a giggle came from behind you, you couldn’t
hear the following dialogue. And there were a lot of
frigging giggles, belly laughs, cheering and clapping
at the screening tonight.
Meanwhile, in Westwood.... The screening was filled
with a lot of industry types and a few instantly
recognizable KISS fans. The result was whole
sequences of hilarity where it felt as though only
Moriarty and I were howling in laughter. By the end
of the screening in Westwood though, the audience
was fully fired up.
One of the reasons I wanted to wait and review the
film after this second screening is this.
Last night was one of my favorite film experiences I
have ever had. Watching DETROIT ROCK CITY
which is nothing if not a wonderfully constructed
mythic quest to seek out KISS and to affirm us KISS
fans for doing so. It’s a bit about how while KISS
fans are in fact obsessed with KISS they care about
other great issues like getting laid and raising money.
There is also a theme of not preaching blind morality
to those who can see. Which, what with all the
bullshit we are getting from the MPAA to the
Catholic League to the Senate itself... Well, it’s a nice
message to preach. Unfortunately the ears that will
hear it are not the ears that need to hear it.
In a lot of ways I’m smiling like crazy cause I believe
that there is probably a higher degree of religious
subversion aimed at the Catholic church in this film
than in DOGMA, but the idiotic kneejerk reactionary
splinter group called the Catholic League just didn’t
get this script at all.
The editing in this film will remind some of the work
in BOOGIE NIGHTS, while the cinematography
reminded me of Robert Rodriguez’s work. The sound
editing and design was just lovely cartoonish and
over the top to provide that hyper-reality that we all
exist in when the adrenal gland is pumping pints of
that shit into our skulls.
The audience here in Austin would range from trying
to be extremely quiet so we could just hear the damn
movie, on account of the crap Tinseltown garbage
mart, to prolonged laughter. Through out the film
there were cheers and laughter.
Not a single person in my group didn’t really really
like the film, including my Father, who is cool for a
grown up (“I’ll never grow up dammit!”).
As for the filmmakers and cast? Well, damn....
First off is director Adam Rifkin who... to be
perfectly honest hasn’t made a movie I’ve even come
close to liking (that I’ve seen). I didn’t care too much
at all for THE CHASE, and while I love SMALL
SOLDIERS, which he had a hand in writing, I don’t
know to what degree I owe him thanks as many
writers worked on that project with Joe Dante. This
film seemed to be injected with enthusiasm and
passion for the material. There seemed to be a
genuine love for each and every character... even if
they were the loathsome bad guys.
Eddie Furlong as Hawk is... really damn convincing.
Annette Kellerman feels that Eddie is cute as hell,
and I’ve always liked the kid even if he’s gonna be a
great military leader someday. In a lot of ways this is
an older version of his John Connor character but
with a significant lack of savvy and common sense.
But he is... cool. He’s got one hell of a mean kick to
the gonad ability and is the luckiest damn KISS geek
this world has seen.
Giuseppe Andrews as Lex is a pretty dang real kid.
He gets pissed, he tries to have self control. He’s
quiet and when he opens his mouth he wants it to
sound cool. Sometimes it is... sometimes it isn’t, but
is that not the way it is with all of us?
Sam Huntington as Jerome or.... JAM (it’s his... Band
Name. I friggin love that. ‘Band Name’) Well,
gosh... this boy is sweet. Once again Annette has one
of her ‘school girl crushes’ on JAM here, and it’s
easy to see why. Of the 4 he’s the only one that you
can believe might possibly get a relationship with
someone on a continual basis. And, though I thought
the film was supposed to be Furlong’s... after
watching it twice I really do believe that Sam here
might have taken that away from him.
James DeBello as Trip... Man oh man, I really love
this character and actor. In some appearance levels
he looks a bit like a clone of Jay (ya know as in Silent
Bob), but there is a deeper level of innate stupidity
and non-awareness at work within his character.
But... I love it when this guy geeks out. In fact all 4
of these guys geek out REAL WELL! But Trip does
so with no hindrances. He’s loud, uses his hands and
becomes physically rambunctious when thwarted
from his geek ideal. And I just have to say he should
win some sort of award for merely using a Stretch
Armstrong to the fantastic degree that he does. I
loved my old Stretch Armstrong and.... I knew he
could be a real hero someday and man oh man is he
ever. The pan from the SMILEY MART sign to
Trip’s face is wonderful... and he brazen sort of
‘nothing that leaves my mouth can I be really held
responsible for’ ethic is just beautiful.
Lin Shaye as Jam’s mom is one of the great comedy
villains for me. While she isn’t quite given say the
lines of say Dean Wormer’s “Don’t piss on my leg
and tell me it’s raining”, but her conviction and
venom with which she delivers her lines are just
biting as hell. The cold uncaring look of agitation
and bewilderment in her eye, the instant kneejerk
reactionism... Perfect character. I loved her.
Natasha Lyonne as one of them Stellas is once again
very strong. You might remember her as the girl in
AMERICAN PIE that was always getting involved in
everybody’s business and helping them to get laid.
She’s the one that helped that one guy spread rumors
about the size of his cock and his sexual prowess.
Well, Natasha has my interest in the same sort of way
that I’m fascinated with Christina Ricci. Lyonne is a
cool quirky character that really seems to chew the
hell out of the scenery that she is placed in. Her
upcoming parts in CONFESSIONS OF A TRICK
BABY and BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER could very
well help solidify her standing as one of the cooler
young actresses working today.
Melanie Lynskey. Now that’s a name that a lot of
people don’t know. And I have to admit that I didn’t
know it, and while I had the ‘feeling’ that I’d seen her
before I could not place her for the life of me. I
bumped into her a couple of times at the afterparty
and still did not place her. But then Robogeek
tonight squealed with glee at how great it was to
finally see her again since her role in HEAVENLY
CREATURES opposite Kate Winslet. Well ya could
have just hung a “I’m Stooopid” sign above my head
cause... I should have recognized her. But man it’s
been like 5 years since that film. I also saw that she
too is in BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER. Man,
between her, Natasha and Clea DuVall... I can’t wait
to see that film. Her character in this film just feels
honest. She feels like a real nervous girl.
Then there is Shannon Tweed, who... heh heh...
Maaaaan, fucking Furlong. Lucky little bastard. She
really does ooze that older seductress of young male
meat look like you wouldn’t believe in this film.
But then there are tons of other characters that you’ve
seen on that fantastic poster that are equally praise
worthy in this film. That boy and his brother Chango,
Elvis the hall monitor, the disco car guys, the
scalper.... who has a fantastic scene of coercion with
Furlong that just leads him along the path to the dark
side, through which he may reemerge in... Well I
won’t say what he emerges in, but oh man.... You can
probably figure it out.
I really really like AMERICAN PIE quite a bit, and
to some it may end up being the better film to their
tastes, but to me.... I prefer, by a lot, DETROIT
ROCK CITY.
Why?
First off, AMERICAN PIE is set in the here and now,
with today’s youth. In a strange way I don’t quite
associate with those guys. The desperation to get laid
by a deadline with whoever you possibly can is...
Well it just isn’t particularly endearing to me.
What I love about sex, and which is handled to a
wonderful degree in this movie, is it’s usually best
when you haven’t planned it, plotted it and scheduled
it on you weekly calendar.
The biggest point is... I associate very closely with
these characters. I remember the very same excited
rapturous glee with which they speak of KISS. I love
their roadtrip to the concert, something I have done
on many occasions and loved their ‘theater of the
absurd’ version of it.
I love the way the movie reinforces the very fibre of a
KISS fan’s universe that it is cool... oh so very cool to
kick ass in the name of KISS, to get laid in the name
of KISS, to tell your parents off in the name of KISS,
to be different, wild and eclectic like KISS.
The movie is at all times not about KISS and nothing
but about KISS. The film is probably closer to
ROCK-N-ROLL HIGH SCHOOL than ANIMAL
HOUSE, but it definitely has a mighty powerful dose
of laughter.
Once again. Seek out the loudest possible theater in
your area that is playing it. You want the cuffs of
your pants to vibrate as Chango walks, as the dogs
howl and as the shotgun goes off. You want to be
immersed in that concert, in the strip club and you
want to feel Ron Jeremy say “Swallow”!
I really want a soundtrack that is exactly the music off
this movie, with all the other non-ROCK stuff as well.
I want that Little Rascals music between LOVE GUN
and DETROIT ROCK CITY.
This has been one hell of a summer for fun comedies.
I still feel ELECTION is by far the smartest, I believe
this to be the most fun and cool.
And lastly... I’ll spare you the description of the
concert afterwards. It was cool. And... there was a
moment where it looked like security wasn’t going to
let me and Moriarty in. And I instantly went into a
Trip impersonation looking for a couple of kids to
beat the shit out of. Luckily we managed to use a
couple of Moriarty’s henchmen, who gladly gave up
their lives so that he and I could have black powder
burns for explosions splash across our faces. So we
could feel the blast of heat from every fireball
erupting from the stage. And... I do want to say that
the performance was everything I always dreamed
KISS would be like on stage. Though it is airing on
VH1 this Thursday so you can catch the concert and
maybe a glance of me. I’m about dead even with the
‘I’ in the KISS sign and three bodies from the front.
Right in the heart of the jumping pounding KISS
screaming maniacs. Twas quite a bit of fun.
But then... So is just watching the movie with a bunch
of friends right here in Austin. Enjoy the show.