Hola all. Massawyrm here.
When did we become so god damned puritan?
When exactly was it that Hollywood decided to clean up kids films and over-sanitize them to the point of being positively ridiculous? When did the term “Family film” stop meaning “a film for the whole family” and started to mean “A film safe for the whole family?” Was it when the Democrats of the late 80’s/early 90’s began to assault Hollywood for being too violent, trying to ban records, books and films? Was it when genre simply seemed to not bring in as big a box office take as it used to? Or was it just a true cultural shift in the unending pendulum of “We’re conservative!/No we’re liberal!” that is American social politics?
Either way, as a general rule, family films pretty much suck these days. They have for a long time. Every once in a while we get An Iron Giant or an Incredibles or a Princess Diaries. But even then, as good as they are, they’re so god damned wholesome. That’s not how kids films used to be. Sure, a lot of Disney films were – but certainly not all of them. Kids films used to be Cowboy movies or pirate movies or Sinbad movies. People died. Bad guys were really bad guys. But the good guys always won. That was the golden age of family films - your grandparents and parents family films at least.
Then came the silver age, ushered in by a young ambitious director named George Lucas who made the single greatest Science Fiction family film of all time, who then produced a film by a young director about a Nazi-battling Archeologist with a hat that never fell off. Those were fucking family films. And it led to a genre explosion that forged the childhoods of most of us here at AICN. Myself, Harry, Quint, Merrick, Mori…we all share a common childhood.
On the animated side there was the psychological intricacy of The Secret of NIMH, the brutal story of racism in The Fox and the Hound and the inherent sadness of The Last Unicorn. But on the live action side things were even more exciting. There was the tale of Artificial Intelligence and the military’s attempt to create the ultimate weapon in D.A.R.Y.L., the deadly spy thriller Cloak and Dagger, and let us not forget the greatest sci-fi “Boy and his dog” story ever told, E.T.
But why stop there when we can talk about The Goonies, The Monster Squad, Flight of the Navigator, Superman, Back to the Future, The Dark Crystal, The Last Starfighter, Legend, or even my favorite Saturday Afternoon classic of all time Battle Beyond the Stars. Family films one and all. Mature films. Films that entertained both adult and child, and possessed themes that children rose intellectually to understand. If they didn’t get it, they’d make something up in their own heads to get it. And the films grew up with them, still carrying the same emotional punch they once did while managing to mean something even more to the audience as they grew to understand them fully.
And people died in those films. Sometimes quite badly. FBI Agents ran around with shotguns and it didn’t scar us a bit. Sure, it scared us, but not irrationally. We loved it. But Hollywood doesn’t make those films anymore. They’re clean, “Kid Friendly” and nobody dies. Ever. Unless it’s the mom in a Disney film – then your ass’s days are numbered.
Even the heroes suck these days.
The film that sticks out in my mind tonight as the grossest violation in this category is Jonathan Frakes’ woefully terrible Clockstoppers – in which the hero is not only a badass BMX biker, but also plays guitar like he was Stevie Ray Vaughn and has no trouble wooing the girl. That’s not a kids movie hero. What kid can identify with that?
Childhood is scary, awkward and by the time you get around to understanding it, it’s over with. The lead in a family film, if it’s a kid, has to be awkward – not necessarily nerdy or geeky – but awkward. Weak, tragically uncool, but crafty, smart and has nothing but heart. And he has to have a slightly incompetent but lovable best friend (most often an overweight one) and a prissy, uptight, too smart for her own good bookworm girl he would end up with (if he weren’t twelve) hanging around. That’s a kids movie hero.
Of course, Hollywood won’t make that movie anymore unless it was adapted from some immensely popular British children’s books series…but even then they think the formula is in the fantasy and the established market – not in the fact that the kids are flawed as hell, altogether lovable and the stories are scary, exciting, and often lethal. Hollywood forgot. Spielberg got his Oscar and set out to make “Important films”, Zemeckis got his Oscar and set out to push technology in filmmaking to its limits, and Lucas, well Lucas just plum lost his damn fool mind. Hollywood forgot. But we didn’t.
What I love about AICN is the sense of the shared history, the shared love of this particular period of film. It’s the period that led us to the classics – both the modern and the truly classic. Hell, I spent my first summer here at AICN (Jesus, 5 years ago) over at Quint’s house every night, watching these very movies while we introduced each other to the films we’d each somehow missed. For every Sleepaway Camp he showed me, I showed him a Krull. And frankly, it was one of the best summers of my life. I was no longer That guy who watches too many movies. I had found my people. I had found the promised land.
We may not always agree or even always like each other around here – but we understand each other. We GET each other. We all share the same giddy joy while watching a great film. We all love the same kind of things and we all speak a language rooted in that love and history. Monday night was one of those great nights when I was reminded of this by two very different things.
The first was a conversation between Harry and myself in which we argued about House 2. He refused to admit it was terrible because he loves it so much. I argued that I loved it so much because it was so terrible. Somewhere along the line we agreed to disagree – after quoting about a dozen lines from it. We are, after all, the Man-Children of the internet – and we like to prove that in person as well.
The second thing that reminded me was Monster House, the very reason after all you’re reading this review. Now for those of you counting, it was just over a thousand words before I got to the “review.”
Well, kind of.
You see, Harry could not have picked a better film this summer to truly capture the spirit of AICN while we celebrated our 10th Anniversary. Superman would have worked, Pirates would have been cool – but those are new school - new Hollywood taking on classic themes. While certainly harkening back to other eras, they are inescapably modern and complex. Monster House? Monster House is old school.
Everything I just spent 1000 words talking about Hollywood having forgot? Well, they remembered. Somewhere along the line Spielberg and Zemeckis stopped polishing their Oscar’s and got back to doing what they do best – producing a high quality, cool as all hell family film that actually entertains the whole family. Not something parents walk out of saying “Well that was really cute.” Not something nice and friendly that will get the Capalert seal of approval. No, this is something parents walk out of saying “Wow that was great.” And kids? This will blow their little monkey minds.
This is a horror film - a family horror film - full of mystery, mythology and a monster, well, that fucking eats people. Remember all those archetypes I talked about? They’re all here. This is a film put together by guys who know how to entertain, but more importantly, know how to find, choose and groom young talent. And that’s exactly what they’ve done here with first time director Gil Kenan. And he turns in a Brad Bird level entry into feature-animated filmmaking. This doesn’t smack at all of the work of a first timer. What Kenan does here is top notch. Really top notch.
First of all, what everyone else is saying is dead on. This movie doesn’t just evoke the mood and style of 80’s family films – it wears its love for them on its sleeve. But it never shoves it down your throat. This could have easily turned into a non-stop series of 80’s jokes and references. But it never does. There are a few winks here and there, but nothing blatant. This isn’t about laughing at or about the 80’s – it’s about capturing the soul of the era, the spirit prevalent in all those films I named earlier. And it does it quite well.
It’s positively ingenious - with a story so simple, so seemingly straight out of childhood, that you can’t quite imagine how it’s never been told before. I mean, it’s about an evil, man-eating house. When kids discover the house’s terrible secret they tell the adults, the authorities…but being a family film, no one believes them. So what do they do? You’re damn right. They set out to stop it before it hurts anyone else.
Monster House hits every note just right, without a single misstep to be found. It’s funny in all the right places, scary in all the right places, but ultimately has the word ADVENTURE tattooed over every inch of it. This movie is fun, edge of your seat entertainment, unlike anything else in the CG Animated field. I quite simply loved this film. It took me back in a big way and entertained the ever-loving hell out of me. For a family film, that’s a big deal. This isn’t “cute.” This is “good.” Damn good.
Highly recommended for anyone who has a love of the 80’s films I mentioned, enjoys a good family film or has kids.
Happy 10th Anniversary Harry. I wouldn’t trade the last 5 for the world.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will.
Massawyrm
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