Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here. When I hear that a classic film (especially a horror movie) is being remade, I tend not to want to watch the original version in close proximity to watching the redo. I'm already distracted enough trying to work out in my head why the film was remade in the first place, I don't need to spend an entire feature doing side-by-side comparisons in my brain. But John (Behind Enemy Lines; the remake of Flight of the Phoenix) Moore's version of The Omen is so utterly devoid of any original ideas or visuals, one is forced to ask, "What's the point?"
Oh, for those of you who tend to miss subtle visual cues, let me point out: the color red is very important in this version of The Omen. You may not notice it at first, but since it's the only fucking primary color in the entire fucking movie, I just want to make sure you don't miss the fucking "red" hammer smashing into your eyes every 30 seconds of this shite. What's even more retarded about the use of the color red is that it symbolizes nothing in the story. Remember when M. Night used red to signify a ghostly presence in The Sixth Sense? That was cool. Moore just tosses it in wherever he bloody well feels like it. It doesn't signify anything. Oh, look, red shoes, red flowers, red door, red your mama.
The film, from a screenplay by original Omen writer David Seltzer (I'm assuming he rewrote it, but it's hard to tell; he probably just added the word red in every other scene description), opens with its most promising scene. The Catholic leadership meets with the Pope to lay out evidence that the Apocalypse is approaching and that the son of the devil has probably been born on earth. As they read off the signs, they flash up images and video of their proof, which includes shots of a burning World Trade Center, tsunamis crashing onto shorelines, Hurricane Katrina-damage footage, torture victims of the U.S. military. My first thought was, "Wow, at least the filmmakers certainly aren't pulling any punches in making their case that the time was right to remake this film…that, and the release date." Seeing the footage is jolting, and I completely understand why folks in New York almost rioted when they saw it at a recent preview screening. BUT, the use of these images does make sense in the context of this film. It's just so damn slimy.
Liev Schreiber as Robert Thorn does a pathetic job filling the Gregory Peck's weighty shoes. He's just so wimpy by comparison and far too young to be the ambassador to the United Kingdom (a job he acquires when his boss dies shortly after being appointed to the job). It's established early on that, although Thorn is the godson of the president, this played no part is his being chosen for the job. No favoritism here, especially not toward the audience.
You all know the story, right? A couple has their first child, which dies during delivery; the mournful father decides to accept a motherless orphan baby from a priest and pass him off as their own unbeknownst to his wife, Katherine (here played by Julia Stiles, slightly more acceptable in her role that Schreiber in his). As the years go on, young Damien (played as a five year old by all-too-knowing newcomer Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick) grows more and more distant from his parents and more weird shit happens in his presence. His first nanny commits suicide at his birthday party, only to be replaced by Rosemary herself Mia Farrow. Did I mention how subtle this film is? Slowly, Damien's parents begin to realize that something is not right about their devil-baby. A rogue priest (Pete Postlethwaite) tries to warn Robert, a nosy photojournalist (David Thewlis) attempts to help the Thorns solve the big mystery of Damien's origins, and in the year's silliest cameo, Michael Gambon appears to give Robert some sacred daggers and some advise on how to use them against his anti-Christ child. You will laugh 'til it hurts.
It's certainly feasible that in 1976, when the original Omen was released, audiences might have actually gone into the film not knowing what to expect or what the story was. But that's not a safe assumption today, and keeping the "mystery" going for as long as they do in this remake is silly. Virtually everybody watching this movie will know what to expect. If you really want to redo this film, go nuts. Make five-year-old Damien something fierce or make one of the parents secretly in on the whole evil plot; but no. Instead we get a naughty little boy in a school uniform who leers at everyone except his nanny and the fierce dogs that have taken to guarding him. Director Moore goes for cheep thrills, about on par with throwing a screeching black cat at the camera lens. He also relies too much on brief evil image flashes and nightmares (waking or otherwise) that are filled with blood and scary faces, but never amount to anything.
And let me throw this out too. The original Omen isn't that good and it certainly isn't that scary. As an exercise in camp, it works wonders, but as a serious horror film, I never fell for it. So imagine that experience, but without the camp. That's what you get in the new version: zero irony, barely a hint of updating, and not a respectable creepy moment anywhere in sight. Good luck keeping awake during this limp effort. After about 40 minutes of this film, I was ready to stab myself with sacred daggers, right through my fucking eyes.
Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com
