Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with Latauro's latest report from Downunder... I'll be joining him in that part of the world at the end of the month. I'm going to be down in New Zealand for almost 2 whole months. I'm hoping to get into some of the press screenings they have in Wellington so I can keep up with the new releases over the summer, but whether I do or, you always have Latauro who is king of his domain. Enjoy this week's Downunder report!
You asked what would be worth killing for. Witness the biggest crapfest in human history.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
I think it's time to reveal a secret about myself. It's not one I'm proud of, and it's something I've even lied about. Frequently. Oh, there are many misconceptions about the people who write for Ain't It Cool. Like Moriarty is only one person, or Scott Green's secret identify is Andy Wachowski. Stuff like that. The big one is that we don't care about what talkbackers say. Guess what? I care. I can't speak for the others, but I do know that when Harry "bans" someone, they usually wash up in a storm water drain three days later.
I've found the whole dealing-with-talkbackers thing difficult to deal with. Whilst I'm technically *against* the killing of talkbackers, I do feel the need for vengeance of some sort. I suppose my approach is a little more... Buddhist. I do everything I can to prove each and every one of you wrong. Someone thinks my "PASSION OF THE CHRIST is Anti-Semitic" rant is over the top? Bam I do something awesome the following week!
It's a bit tiring, but I believe it's the path to enlightenment. And I've managed to get them all except for one. One single voice of dissent that's plagued me for nearly three years...
On July 22nd, 2003 at 10:26:20am, US Central Standard Time, talkbacker "dashingwoman" wrote this:
someone just told me in a chat room that Tony Martin loathes Aint it Cool News and refused an interview. He said so on radio apparently. Funnily enough, he accepted interviews with nearly everyone else. Secondly, Premiere? huh - hardly, It was a radio competition screening [who is this guy?] my husband and I were there too! we got them on the radio. aint it cool news just gets worse and worse...
This post has kept me up nights. The first few nights I was just trying to decipher it, but after that it was all about the cold sweats. It's the reason for my deteriorating health, my chronic baldness, my rashes, impotence, and tennis elbow. For three years, my inability to respond has resulted in the systematic destruction of my personal well-being.
What's "dashing" referring to? I went to the premiere of BAD EGGS and gave the film a very positive review. Hell, the film's in my DVD collection, and stands up to repeat viewings. I also interviewed stars Mick Molloy, Judith Lucy and Bob Franklin.
...but that's not how it was supposed to go. Initially I was supposed to be interviewing the film's writer/director, Tony Martin. I was pretty excited about this. I'd been a fan of his work on "The Late Show" since its airing, and to actually talk to someone who managed to get a feature film made in Australia was awesome.
Then, a few days before the interview, I got a call from the Roadshow publicist who asked if I'd mind interviewing Molloy, Lucy and Franklin instead. Not wanting to be contrary, I immediately said yes. I was also a big fan of these three (Molloy and Lucy also from "The Late Show", Franklin from his work on "Jimeoin"), but they now outnumbered me three to one, and I'd been nervous enough as it was. This was, needless to say, my first interview for AICN.
So I put up the interviews and dashingwoman swooped in to cut me down.
It hurt, dashing. It really hurt.
Until now. For last Saturday, I had the pleasure of meeting Mr Martin, and brought up this very subject. He and Shaun Micallef (who was, coincidentally, also in BAD EGGS) were giving a talk at the Williamstown Literary Festival, and I was in the audience. The talk was brilliant, especially hearing them discuss their influences (Goons, Peter and Dudley, etc) and the early stages of their careers. Afterwards, I chatted to them briefly and asked Tony Martin if the rumours were true. Did he, in fact, hate Ain't It Cool News?
I didn't accost him or anything. I preceded it with "Can I ask you something potentially uncomfortable?", and he immediately asked if we were related. I told him about the missed interview and the rumour. He didn't seem to know about the interview, and couldn't imagine where the rumour had begun. Turns out he loves AICN, proudly professing himself to be a film geek (and the encyclopedic knowledge of film he commonly displays certainly backs this up). I'm not entirely sure if he knew who I specifically was, but I sure felt vindicated.
So IN YOUR FACE, dashingwoman! It's been three long years (or three short years, being that it was thirty-four months), but I've FINALLY WON!!!
The feeling is incredible. That's all of them. That's every talkbacker. I've finally finished, and I only need to worry about the upcoming ones. What a weight off.
As for the second part of your post, dashing, it *was* the premiere. That's why there were lots of comedians and actors and celebrities and a red carpet there, and why Tony Martin introduced the film with "Thank you for coming to the premiere". You got nothin'.
A lesser man would scream "PWNED!". I will simply stroll off into the sunset, umbrella in one hand, smug look of satisfaction in my other. My hands are very talented. Then, I will return to give you this week's film news...
NEWS
Why not kick off the news with a pretty cool exclusive? Scooper "LuckyWan" has been snooping around Fox Studios in Sydney, and came across some pretty cool stuff relating to that GHOST RIDER flick they filmed in Melbourne a year or so back. You know -- the one with the impossibly tight security allowing practically no info to get out whatsoever. Here's what our man had to say:
The villain in Blackheart played by Wes Bently (the kid obsessed with plastic bags in American Beauty) and he seemed to be a very over-the- top villain. His cronies are all evil versions of the elements. One is made of dirt and worms, another seems like liquid while another is a ghost or air. They are all very comic book like as well. Blackheart sent his cronies to get the Ghost Rider and steal something back so they could have all the souls on Earth and Mephisto could get none. In one scene, he takes down a whole biker bar by himself. Reminded me much of Terminator's opening scene.
Now, Ghost Rider is freaking awesome. They really nailed the look, sound and tone of this. Much better efforts than Daredevil. The flaming skull was unbelievable looking and they were still months from finishing all the effects on the film. His bike is even cooler and responds when he whistles for it. Of coarse it leaves a line of fire wherever he rides since the wheels are on fire. His weapon of choice is his chain that he wraps around his jacket. Think Indiana Jones, except that he ignites it on fire and kills ghosts instead of Nazis. One scene I saw has Ghost Rider roll up looking for Abigor (Ghost crony). This guy flies around like a cloud of black smoke. Its very cool looking. He knocks the shit out of Ghost Rider picks him up and slams him into a car. What really struck me was the way Ghost Rider got off the car. It looked like that very cheesy over-acting with the body that they use in Power Rangers and even in points of Daredevil. But they aren't going for Batman Begins here.
I watched another scene in which they meet Ghost Rider in a depot. He shows up and kicks some ass. They drive a semi into him, obviously thinking he's dead. He reappears naturally and grabs one of the baddies. He says "Look into my eyes", for all you who don't know, Ghost Rider's eye sockets allow you to relive every horrible sin you've ever committed. The voice effects on Ghost Rider were again PERFECT. It doesn't sound like it came from this world. It doesn't sound like Nick Cage. He makes the bad guy scream so horrifically, you almost have sympathy for him when Ghost Rider fire chains his ass apart.
If you liked Nick Cage in Con Air, you'll love him in Ghost Rider. I personally don't care for Mr. Cage's southern texas, cajun drawl. But! The only scene I saw with Nick as Johnny Blaze was in a police interrogation room. They police couldn't figure out how all these criminals were being incinerated while Johnny's tire tracks were there. They can't pin anything on him and it seems like Johnny himself doesn't remember becoming Ghost Rider. A cop lights a cigarrette and the flame extends a few inches, away from Johnny. They look at him and replies with something like "That was wierd." its a pretty funny scene. My only gripe with Nick Cage as Johnny Blaze is his age. He's not a late 20's or early 30's guy. He is still trying to be, with his gelled hair and leather jacket. The overall vibe was that he didn't fit the role as others might have.
The word around the office is that GHOST RIDER's trailer will be attached to X3.
I guess we'll know soon enough! Big thanks to "LuckyWan"
Reader "Celebrity Dave" pointed out a cool piece of news about Kiwiland. Sam Raimi will be producing the oft-discussed vampire flick 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, and New Zealand will be doubling for Alaska. The budget is reportedly sitting pretty at $70million, meaning those special effects had better look damned pretty! Or, the effects could look dodgy and you could use the money to hire Chris Tucker instead! The film is set in a small Alaskan town where it is completely dark for one month of the year, making it a prime spot for vampires. (Vampires do actually appear in the film, I'm not editorialising.) The film has begun its casting calls, and is set for release in October 2007.
Tell me you haven't already bought your ticket to this one. Go on, tell me. I'll believe you. They're probably not on sale yet, anyway. But despite that setback, Aussie Naomi Watts has joined The Viggo for David Cronenberg's new flick EASTERN PROMISES. The film follows a mid-wife who attempts to track down the family of a deceased fourteen year-old orphan. But will Naomi be inserting Blu-Ray discs or HD-DVDs into her stomach? Only time will tell.
Do you remember the awesome KING KONG production diary where Bryan Singer and Frank Darabont took over directing duties so PJ could get some sleep? You might want to check out the latest production diary for HOT FUZZ, the new flick from the blokes what made "Spaced" and SHAUN OF THE DEAD. You'll thank me later. Cheers to a scooper who unfortunately decided to go by the name "Anthony the man Mundine".
Keisha Castle-Hughes, the young lass from WHALE RIDER, will star with Toni Collette, the young lass from JAPANESE STORY, in the unfortunately-titled film HEY, HEY, IT'S ESTHER BLUEBURGER! Must be a quirky adaptation of a novel loved by the young teen market, eh? No, it's about a young Jewish girl who feels pressured by her impending bat mitzvah. Cool Aussie actors Radha Mitchell and Noah Taylor will also feature, and the film is written and directed by first-timer Cathy Randall. The shoot begins in October of this year -- easily enough time to come up with a new title!
THE DISTURBED is being pitched as "a zombie film for diehard horror fans". Interested? 'Cos Strongman Pictures is developing the feature with a view to shoot in Melbourne. The film was launched by some teaser clips the production put together on a shoestring budget (which is almost a tautology given it's an Australian film), and can be seen at www.thedisturbedmovie.com.
Do you have a sordid story about being in Australia at night? Like that time you were reading funny quotes on bash.org, and laughed so hard that pizza came out your eyeballs? No, you'll need something better than that if filmmaker Lawrence Johnson is going to interview you. He's making a documentary called NIGHT about what peoples' lives are like when the sun goes down. Got a great yarn about sex or violence, a late-night birth, a spontaneous marriage, a midnight screening of FELLOWSHIP in Gold Class? Then go to www.nightthemovie.com and submit yourself.
From the funny files comes the news that the Australian government will review how it supports films in Australia. I love how many uses the Federal Government finds for the word "supports". The review will apparently look at how the FFC invests in local films, what it is the AFC does, and tax incentives to lure overseas investors. Peter, I'm all for you waving a big pile of money at Joel Silver every couple of years, 'cos lord knows a lot of crewpersons down here love being paid in currency, but I implore you: get someone to work out why this industry doesn't work! You're a businessman, Mr Costello! Or, at very least, you're a slimy bastard, so you know how industry is supposed to work! You take something and build upon it! Why, then, do filmmakers find it near-impossible to get their second film made? I mean this is an industry where (etc etc etc)
AWARDS, FESTIVALS AND SCREENINGS
ST KILDA FILM FESTIVAL
This May 30th, the St Kilda Film Festival will open with the short film THE DEAL, a film about lust and revenge and a 1970 Ford Mustang, so we're told. The film stars Glenn Robbins (LANTANA, BOYTOWN), Jane Allsop ("Blue Heelers") and Tim Draxl (DIRTY DEEDS).
BRISBANE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
Brisvegas residents who like moofies will enjoy this year's BIFF. Are they playing something incredibly awesome? Possibly, I haven't looked into it. But I do know that BIFF will be running a series of free public screenings leading up to the event. Google BIFF, click on the website, and learn the details.
48TH ANNUAL AFI AWARDS
The Australian Film Institute wants to give you an award! It's AFI entry time, so send in your films, docos, animations, and huddled masses. You could be the next <
2006 REELIFE SHORT FILM FESTIVAL
Congrats go to fifteen year-old James Hunter, who won a Sony HDV camera for his short film SCHOOL DAZE. DAZE took out Best Film at the festival for filmmakers under the age of twenty-five, and apparently had a final shot that would "inspired any seasoned director with its threatening clarity". James, we expect great things. Congratulations also go out to the festival's other winners.
BOX OFFICE
Finally caught M:I:3 the other night, and loved the bejesus out of it. Still prefer the first one, but Abrams's entry was way up there. Certainly made up for the excrementality of the second one. Meanwhile, which one of you jerks gave all of your money to BENCHWARMERS? Christ, have I taught you nothing?
1. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3
2. BENCHWARMERS
3. ICE AGE 2: THE MELTDOWN
4. EIGHT BELOW
5. FINAL DESTINATION 3
RELEASED THIS WEEK (ALSO: LAST WEEK)
Paul Weitz gets a lesson in subtlety from Paul Haggis, the best documentary about ballet since CENTER STAGE hits the screens, Happy Madison alters the film originally written in the late 80s for Schewarzenegger + Stallone + Norris, the suckiest suck that ever sucked is made into a movie that sucks, Jonathan Demme makes his unofficial follow-up to SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, James Gunn makes his DRIVING MISS DAISY, McConaughey and Pacino star in the unfortunately-titled snorefest, and Atom Egoyan makes his most accessible film since 1995's PORTRAIT OF ARSHILE.
AMERICAN DREAMZ
BALLET RUSSES
THE BENCHWARMERS
THE DA VINCI CODE
NEIL YOUNG: HEART OF GOLD
SLITHER
TWO FOR THE MONEY
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES
NEXT WEEK
- Robin Williams to play a retarded janitor who gets mutant powers in David Duchovny's X-MEN spinoff, HOUSE OF M
- Fox announces a new film about a studio CEO who begins seeing horrifying visions of the future based on his own ineptitude, THE ROTHMAN PROPHECIES
- Warwick Davis, Verne Troyer, Deep Roy, Kenny Baker, Tony Cox, Phil Fondacaro and Michael Lee Gogin are forced to pull out of the live action SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS when all seven are coincidentally and inexplicably hired to play the leads in John Woo's SEVEN SAMURAI remake
Peace out,
Latauro
