“Who’s going to pay for all these steaks? You know, spiritually.”
“WARNING. Wonder Showzen contains offensive, despicable content that is too controversial and too awesome for actual children. The stark, ugly, profound truths Wonder Showzen exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to watch this show, you are a bad parent or guardian.”
I am – Hercules!!
“Wonder Showzen” is one of the best-kept secrets on television, an inspired, fast-paced 2005 MTV2 parody of kiddie shows in general and “Sesame Street” in particular. It is as fearlessly irreverent as “South Park” and could well boast a higher laugh-per-minute ratio. Despite this? It lost this year’s “best television comedy” Golden Globe to “Desperate Housewives.”
Its first eight-episode season, collected today on DVD
, was written and directed by two guys – Vernon Chatman and John Lee – who previously created 2002’s “Doggy Fizzle Televizzle,” a show I could not be bothered to watch when MTV originally colorcast it, much to my current regret.
Chatman has a longer resume than Lee. Apart from “Showzen” and “Televizzle,” he wrote for “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” “The Chris Rock Show,” “The Downer Channel” and “That’s My Bush!” He also consults on “South Park” scripts and voices the role of Towelie.
Decide now! Which aspect of “Wonder Showzen” are we destined to love most?
Is it the Q&A?? Tiny children answer questions like “Where do babies come from?” with answers like “Ignored prayers.”
Is it the puppet shows?? There’s a blue furry dinosaur named Clarence who – in the fashion of Conan’s Triumph (The Insult Comic Dog) – interviews and annoys pedestrians. Including those walking the streets of Harlem. There are puppets doing scripted material in the studio too. One of them is an evil businessman shaped like a dollar-sign. Gender reassignment creeps him out.
Is it the stock footage upon which the tots comment?? The pigs depicted in a farm documentary are described by the kids as “Muslim Kryptonite.” The ham served at dinner is described as “murderlicious.” The farmers worship a demon-y dark lord dubbed Krondar! (The hideous Krondar appears repeatedly throughout the series, always to hilarious effect.)
Is it the vast and diverse array of toonage?? In “D.O.G. O.B.G.Y.N.” a hound knocks over an pregnant woman and tears at her vagina with its teeth. In “Yuck Yuck Goose and His Sidekick His Butt,” a cartoon fowl - whose sphincter happens to be a time portal - decides to prevent the horrors of the nuclear age by traveling back to 1923, sawing off the sleeping Albert Einstein’s skull and defecating into the scientist’s brainpan. There’s also “Gargantua The Safety Sparrow,” “Plastic Surgeons Without Borders,” “H.O.B.O.Ops!” “The Boogie Noogie Bunch,” “Finger Force,” “Segregation Works Because It Has To!” “Celebrate our Differences!” “Bible Vs. Switchblade, Liquor and Syringe,” “Punk Mark” and “Guilt Milk.”
But no. I believe the most beloved part of “Showzen” is destined to be “Beat Kids.” Microphone-brandishing preteens in trenchcoats mocking adults with questions - questions fed to them via wireless earpieces by one or both of the series writers! Some sample exchanges:
… BEAT KID (observing a plate of meat chunks): What is that?
… BUTCHER: Well, if we turned you inside out, that’s what you would look like inside.
… BEAT KID: Are you threatening me?
… BEAT KID: I have a hot tip.
… RACETRACK GEEZER: I could use a hot tip!
… BEAT KID: Think about taking a shower every once in a while.
… BEAT KID: What do monkeys do when they get mad?
… ZOO GUIDE: They’ve been known to fling poop.
… BEAT KID: Ever fling your poop back at the monkeys?
… ZOO GUIDE: No, I never have.
… BEAT KID: That would just mess with their minds!
The two-disc set includes four “commentaries,” one of which appears not to be a commentary at all, but a musical score by something called PFFR. (Disappointingly, none of the remaining three include creators Chatman and Lee discussing Krondar or other aspects of their creation.)
The best and funniest of the three real commentaries features the machine-voice of one “Screamin’ Steven J. Hawkins,” who points out that God crippled him because he was “asking for it” - propogating scientific theories that contradict religious teachings. The great comedian Dick Gregory uses another commentary track to contribute a hilarious stand-up routine that deals with, among other things, teachers having sex with their students. The third commentary is rambling affair by author Gordon Lish, author of “What I Know So Far” and “Self-Imitation of Myself.”
Other extras include:
* Promos
* Auditions and outtakes
* Beat Kids outtakes
* Clarence outtakes
* an extremely catchy PFFR music video about Japanese girls.
* Storytime with Flava Flav
* A first-rate second-season sneak-peak cartoon short titled “S.O.S.” about a developmentally disabled rescue squad.
I count no fewer than 39 new TV-on-DVD titles hitting shelves on Tuesday (including such standouts as the superb final, tearjerking season of “Six Feet Under” and the episode of “Masters of Horror” that AICN’s own Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan scripted last year.
Having said this, I am compelled to issue the shout-out for Northern Exposure: The Complete Fourth Season. A cursory glance at its back cover confirms that this 1992-93 season is nowhere near the Paul Provenza era. Maggie McConnell confronts her 30th birthday, the sun refuses to set, the sun refuses to rise, the local Indians celebrate Thanksgiving by pelting whites with tomatoes, Chris kills a cute girl’s pet and gets extradited to West Virginia, The Flying Man returns for Marilyn Whirlwind, Holling discovers he has a daughter, Ed finds himself in an arranged marriage and decides to halt the apocalypse, Joel visits Maggie’s family in Michigan but is excluded from Maurice’s big dinner party, and Maurice refuses to bless the marriage of his Korean son. Adam Ant turns up as a rock star named Brad Bonner, and a pre-“ER” Anthony Edwards arrives as a chemical-sensitive lawyer who takes an interest in Maggie. There are two fat gag reels on disc one (hear Dr. Fleishman say “fuck” repeatedly!), and loads of deleted and extended scenes on all three discs. Great series. Great season.
Herc’s Popular Pricing Pantry
With the dawn of the HD-DVD era mere weeks in the future, several season sets see severe slashes (at least as this is being typed):
Cheers
$23.97 The Complete First Season
$22.97 The Complete Second Season
$23.97 The Complete Third Season
$104.99 The First Four Seasons
Rocky & Bullwinkle
$14.97 The Complete First Season
$14.97 The Complete Second Season
SCTV
$37.97 Volume One
$37.97 Volume Two
$37.97 Volume Three
$44.97 Volume Four
South Park
$21.47 The Complete First Season
$20.97 The Complete Second Season
TV-on-DVD Calendar
Last Week
Batman Beyond 1.x
Bewtiched 3.x
Ed, Edd N Eddy Vol. 2
The Flying Nun 1.x
Gidget: The Complete Series
Huff 1.x
Justice League 1.x
Mind of Mencia Uncensored 1.x
Over There 1.x
Roseanne 3.x
South Park 7.x
Tales From The Crypt 3.x
21 Jump Street 5.x
Unsolved Mysteries: Best Of
Unsolved Mysteries: Ultimate Collection
The White Shadow 2.x
The Young Riders 1.x
March 28
American Muscle Car 1.x
Andy Milonakis Show 1.x
Astro Boy: Ultra Collector's Edition
Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1, Vol. 2
Danger Mouse 5.x/6.x
Dark Shadows Vol. 23
DeGrassi: The Next Generation 3.x
Doctor Who: The Beginning
Dog the Bounty Hunter: Best of 2.x
Friends: The One With All The Babies
Friends: The One With All The Birthdays
Friends: The One With All The Weddings
Godzilla: Monster Mayhem
Godzilla: Mutant Madness
Highway to Heaven 3.x
The Invisible Man 1.x
Knots Landing 1.x
Little House on the Prarie (2004 Miniseries)
Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns
Masters of Horror: Dreams of the Witch House
Merv Griffin Show: 40 Most Interesting People
Modern Marvels: Extreme Gadgets
Modern Marvels: The FBI's Crime Lab
Modern Marvels: Great Inventions
Modern Marvels: Walt Disney World
Monty Python's Personal Best
Northern Exposure 4.x
Not the 9 O'Clock News: Best Of
Planet of the Apes: Ultimate Collection
Quantum Leap 4.x
Return to the Planet of the Apes
Robot Chicken Vol. 1
Six Feet Under 5.x
Super Mario Bros.: Super Show
Tales of the Unexpected Set 4
The Triangle: The Complete Miniseries
Wonder Showzen 1.x
X-Files 4.x ($34.99 Slimcase Edition)
X-Files 5.x ($34.99 Slimcase Edition)
X-Files 6.x ($34.99 Slimcase Edition)
April 4
The A-Team 4.x
Dawson's Creek 6.x
Full House 3.x
Garbage Pail Kids: The Complete Series
Knight Rider 4.x
The Little Prince: The Perfect Planet
The Little Prince: The Star Gazer
Magnum P.I. 4.x
Star Trek: Time Travel
3rd Rock From The Sun: Best Of
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4.x
Tripping the Rift 2.x
