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Learn of HBO's First SOPRANOS Since June 2004!!

I am – Hercules!!

HBO declined our request for screeners of tonight’s “Sopranos” and “Big Love” season openers, citing concerns about the revelation of plot twists. The pitiless irony, of course, is that we receive an endless stream of screeners up here on Mt. Olympus, and have a firm policy about abiding any spoiler prohibitions that come with those screeners.

The good news for Coaxial spoiler-whores? No screener means HBO also failed to provide any guidance with regard to spoilers! Spoiler-cloak on!

* Gino Pontecorvo, having inherited $2 million from his aunt, is forbidden from leaving Tony’s crew and moving to Florida. It turns out Gino has been talking to the Feds. Gino is found hung before 6.1’s conclusion.

* Hesh and his son-in-law are jumped by one of Phil Leotardo’s thugs, which ultimately leads Tony to try to reach out to the imprisoned Johnny Sack through Sack’s optometrist brother-in-law.

* Finally, as Tony makes dinner for the weak-minded Uncle Junior, Junior mistakes Tony for an intruder and shoots him in the gut. Tony has to struggle desperately to get to a phone before he passes out and dies. The good news is Tony survives. The bad news is Tony is a little less active in 6.2.

More good news! The absence of a screener means we can bring you “Sloane13’s” spoiler-drenched review of both 6.1 and 6.2! Again with the spoiler-cloak!!

I attended the premiere of the first two episodes of the new season of the Sopranos at The Museum of Modern Art on Tuesday night. Thought you might like a review. It’s filled with spoilers.

Ok, things start off pretty normal … the opening montage lets us know that about two years have passed since last we saw everybody. Meadow’s doing a sexy dance in her underwear for her nerd dentist boyfriend. AJ is spending more time in his college class taking pictures of himself with his cellphone than paying attention to the professor. Tony and Carmella have been frequenting a $40 a piece sushi place lately and pretty much just living large and acting like a couple of teenagers. Johnny Sack is in jail but he’s asked Phil Leotardo to make nice with Tony and his crew for now despite the death of Phil’s brother last season. Bobby Bachalla and Janice now have a 15 month old daughter and Uncle Junior is getting crazier by the minute. Tony makes a brief visit to Dr. Melphi, buys Carmella a brand new SUV and life is good...

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD. So Tony’s got a new soldier working for him named Gino. He’s got a bitch wife and a druggie son and he wants to move to Florida and get away from this life cause he inherited 2 million from his aunt. He’s also talking with the same feds that Adrienna was involved with and is looking for a way out. Only Tony ain’t having it despite Gino giving him a nice fat envelope full of inheritance money. “You swore an oath” and all that. Tony doesn’t even have the respect to tell the guy “no” himself. He has Silvio do it for him. “That Florida thing… Tony told me to tell you it ain’t gonna happen”. So this Gino guy hangs himself in his garage. I am assuming this storyline will go somewhere eventually. I mean, why bother introducing this guy only to get rid of him 40 minutes later… We’ll see…

Meanwhile, Uncle Junior’s “nurse” can’t be relied on and Bobby Bachalla is too busy hiding in his garage with his train sets to look in on Uncle Junior. Tony flips out and goes over to check on him himself. Uncle Junior’s sitting in the dark talking to the television set when Tony gets there. He sends Uncle June upstairs and tells him to wash up for dinner. Now you ready for this? While Tony’s cooking pasta Uncle Junior comes downstairs, thinks Tony is a burglar, shoots Tony in the stomach and runs up stairs to hide in his closet. Tony then spends the next 5 grueling minutes dragging his bloody body across the floor, trying to get to the phone to dial 911 before going unconscious. Yeah. It was pretty intense and completely out of the blue.

The second episode started immediately after the first. It goes back and forth between Tony in a coma (basically an extended dream sequence that has him living an alternate life as a business man) and everybody visiting Carmella in the hospital as she sits around the clock watching Tony. Meadow is pissed cause her nerd boyfriend won’t leave dental school to visit her family in the hospital. AJ is very uncomfortable seeing his father in this state (Tony has a massive, graphic hole in belly) and keeps avoiding the hospital. When he does finally show up he takes the opportunity to tell his mother he just failed out of college. Meadow and AJ share a nice moment talking about “the life” they’ve been born into and AJ sticks his head out the window and tells the gaggle of press people outside to “fuck off”. At the funeral for Gino, the guy who hung himself in the premiere, Christopher, Paulie Wallnuts, Silvio and the rest of gang ask why Bobby Bachalla wasn’t looking in on Junior when Tony got shot. He claims “taking care of personal business” i.e. hiding from his new wife and child in the garage with his trains. For the most part that’s it. Tony is still in the coma at the end of the second ep, hooked up to tubes and machines and everyone else is kind of on standby waiting.

All in all, it was great to have “the gang” back and I’m curious to see where they’re headed with this. The certainly started things off with a bang. If you use this, please just call me Slone13. Thanks.

To anticipate the inevitable talkback query, HBO plans to unfurl the first 12 episodes of the sixth season in the coming weeks. The final 8 episodes of the season are currently slated to start in January 2007.

9 p.m. Sunday. HBO.









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Reader Talkback

i dont want to see tony dead at the end
by flamingrunt
Mar 12th, 2006
03:22:18 AM
it's back!
by irc-Hollywood
Mar 12th, 2006
03:25:39 AM
Molitsanti
by YourHero
Mar 12th, 2006
03:28:44 AM
Could we try being a little less perfect this season?
by The Wrong Guy
Mar 12th, 2006
03:46:11 AM
sour grapes!!
by TheComedian77
Mar 12th, 2006
04:29:12 AM
It's been such a long time!
by nemesisdarkside
Mar 12th, 2006
04:53:32 AM
Thanks
by nemesisdarkside
Mar 12th, 2006
04:58:57 AM
"Inevitable talkback query"
by supertoyslast
Mar 12th, 2006
05:28:23 AM
Wait, 9pm... TONIGHT?!
by Fawst
Mar 12th, 2006
06:11:04 AM
It's too bad, really that the Sopranos' return...
by paulh
Mar 12th, 2006
07:14:35 AM
I guess this will be okay while I wait for THE WIRE
by ChickenGeorgeVII
Mar 12th, 2006
08:41:19 AM
Gene Pontecorvo is not a new character.
by Nate Champion
Mar 12th, 2006
09:00:52 AM
Has slone13 guy ever watched the show before?
by mythkiller
Mar 12th, 2006
09:57:47 AM
even greater irony ...
by pistolopera
Mar 12th, 2006
10:27:22 AM
Not reading the invisotext
by sundancekeed
Mar 12th, 2006
11:15:57 AM
Fucking Dream Sequences Suck
by fiester
Mar 12th, 2006
11:31:47 AM
Would love to see a cross over between Sopranos
by Spike fan
Mar 12th, 2006
11:38:42 AM
Eugene's been around since season 3?
by slone13
Mar 12th, 2006
12:41:23 PM
pre-airing screenings...
by VibroCount
Mar 12th, 2006
01:19:57 PM
woah, those are some spoilers
by newc0253
Mar 12th, 2006
02:57:02 PM
Herc wants a war with HBO.
by Yoda's Ball Sack
Mar 12th, 2006
03:30:47 PM
Can't wait to see Uncle Junior get wacked.
by Yoda's Ball Sack
Mar 12th, 2006
03:34:16 PM
Great writeup Herc!
by Darth Thoth
Mar 12th, 2006
04:06:37 PM
Jesus, they're desperate to get rid of the Firefly dvds
by Nate Champion
Mar 12th, 2006
04:38:22 PM
Man, I kinda wish I hadn't read that...
by NivekJ
Mar 12th, 2006
04:39:23 PM
Now that Tony is dead...
by Razorback
Mar 12th, 2006
09:02:42 PM
Well, that episode accomplished one of my great dreams
by Angry Mean Panda
Mar 12th, 2006
09:03:36 PM
that was the first Sopranos i've ever watched.
by HypeEndsHere
Mar 12th, 2006
09:04:52 PM
Lost, meet The Sopranos...
by slder78
Mar 12th, 2006
09:06:34 PM
Was pretty good.
by chickychow
Mar 12th, 2006
09:10:22 PM
great stuff!
by pistolopera
Mar 12th, 2006
09:34:49 PM
what was the meaning of the picture that
by durhay
Mar 12th, 2006
09:36:53 PM
Forget about Tony, they killed off Dana on 'The L Word'
by Goon Bighead
Mar 12th, 2006
10:17:04 PM
Ton'ys fat will be the only thing that keeps him alive!
by ProzacMorris
Mar 12th, 2006
10:21:35 PM
the show sucks...
by Captain Happy
Mar 12th, 2006
10:30:44 PM
Comparing Sopranos and Lost is like comparing
by Novaman5000
Mar 12th, 2006
10:33:20 PM
Angry Mean Panda
by sundancekeed
Mar 12th, 2006
10:38:44 PM
NateC - DVD prices and Sleeper Cell plug
by MrD
Mar 12th, 2006
11:45:02 PM
Could we have one Coax post that does not
by Dark Knight Lite
Mar 12th, 2006
11:54:43 PM
uh, yeah. see the thing about unresolved storylines
by HypeEndsHere
Mar 13th, 2006
07:15:17 AM
Agreed
by JustBen
Mar 13th, 2006
08:27:09 AM
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!
by YouIgnorantGeeks
Mar 13th, 2006
08:38:32 AM
Meadow's Dance
by Belvis
Mar 13th, 2006
08:47:47 AM
Here's Hoping they Pull Back from the Abyss
by _Maltheus_
Mar 13th, 2006
10:23:14 AM
How'd Melfi Know?
by Darkfyre
Mar 13th, 2006
10:33:18 AM
Uncle Joon's "nemesis"
by Fireball XL-5
Mar 13th, 2006
11:13:16 AM
Do a lot of people not watch the Soprano's?...
by vinceklortho
Mar 13th, 2006
11:44:01 AM
Meadow's dance = animated gif avatar
by durhay
Mar 13th, 2006
12:10:59 PM
Angry Mean Panda's old gread adventure guy remark...
by SK909
Mar 13th, 2006
12:33:09 PM
make one durhay....and share it....
by BadBrad
Mar 13th, 2006
12:49:49 PM
Junior's Long Con?
by durhay
Mar 13th, 2006
12:51:21 PM
or even dementia?
by durhay
Mar 13th, 2006
12:58:21 PM
durhay, i've considered that...
by chickychow
Mar 13th, 2006
01:42:22 PM
Good Return to Form
by Rich Malone
Mar 13th, 2006
02:14:31 PM
WTF is wrong with you guys?
by busby
Mar 13th, 2006
02:52:55 PM
Sushi....
by vinceklortho
Mar 13th, 2006
02:56:24 PM
Eugene's been around since the first season
by jtp8000
Mar 13th, 2006
03:30:47 PM
Dream Sequences
by _Maltheus_
Mar 13th, 2006
03:51:48 PM
Dreams, Russians and Johnny Sack
by chickychow
Mar 13th, 2006
04:52:21 PM
Tales of Mystery and Imagination
by Kentucky Colonel
Mar 13th, 2006
05:05:17 PM
jtp8000
by slone13
Mar 13th, 2006
06:15:29 PM
What's up with the FBI guy with the stomach bug?
by Farging Bastige
Mar 14th, 2006
04:44:27 AM
Hey! David Chase! Here's a GREAT dream sequence:
by Farging Bastige
Mar 14th, 2006
04:51:17 AM
that FBI guy better not have the bird flu
by durhay
Mar 14th, 2006
07:39:36 AM
Photman - FBI chick
by MovieWhore
Mar 14th, 2006
10:55:42 AM
Photoman....I understand the questions.
by vinceklortho
Mar 14th, 2006
11:39:53 AM
Oh, Photoman, one more thing...
by vinceklortho
Mar 14th, 2006
11:43:28 AM
Unresolved
by homerofthesea
Mar 14th, 2006
02:04:20 PM
fwiw
by Homer Sexual
Mar 14th, 2006
03:30:12 PM
Furio and Feech
by chickychow
Mar 14th, 2006
08:05:57 PM
feds
by Malebolgia
Mar 14th, 2006
08:43:39 PM
Re/ chickychow
by Rich Malone
Mar 15th, 2006
12:28:51 PM

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