Hey folks, Harry here... Today's Variety has announced that Producer Todd Garner (THE FOG remake) and Mike Fleiss (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake and Eli Roth's HOSTEL) are teaming up to make INVASION, a horror film focused on the subject matter of Home Invasion. To write this horror film, they've gone and hired Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan, fresh off of writing the John Carpenter episode of the MASTERS OF HORROR series... CIGARETTE BURNS. And yes, they've both been long time contributors to AICN. So in the spirit of turnabout is fair play, I forced Drew and Scotty to submit to my brutal line of questioning. Here you go...

Harry
How does it feel to be writing the next Horror film from the producer of the #1 Horror film in America Today?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Well, I think we're writing a whole different kind of horror film than THE FOG. I think it's more appropriate to ask what it's like to be writing a horror film for the producer of HOSTEL, since our film is about real-world fears. No ghosts. No creepy Japanese girls with long black hair. Just the horrible shit people do to each other.

Harry
I'm well familiar with your Partner Scott Swan's depravity, but for a Family Man like you - where do you go to mine for the terrors of Home Invasion? Do you mine the emotion of imagining the personal nature of someone invading your home?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Absolutely. When we first spoke to Mike and Todd about this, it was obvious that this is something that bothers both of them on a personal level, something they've genuinely contemplated. As a new father, one of the things that's most important to me now is keeping my family safe, and to have that security taken away from me would be maddening.

Harry
This has been a subject that has been well-mined... From PETRIFIED FOREST, KEY LARGO, SUDDENLY and DESPERATE HOURS to films like PANIC ROOM, UNBREAKABLE and SAW. In fact at the recent QT Fest I know you saw FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE - What do you and Scotty want to bring to this well worn genre that has been missing?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Well, I'll be honest... going to QT Fest always gets me in the mood to get all grindhousey and write something morally reprehensible. FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE made me laugh and laugh because I knew at that point that we were going to be making this film. For us, though, this is about emotional terror. It's all about which family you put in that house, what pressures you put on them, and what happens as a result. If you love these characters, then it will hurt when we do what we're going to do to them.

Harry
Then what family do you put in that room?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Well, that's the secret part, silly. I can't tell you THAT.

Harry
Bitch

Andrew Michael McWeeny
I'll give you a hint. The father's name rhymes with "George W. Dush." No... wait...

Harry
I was talking to Carpenter earlier today about the glory of my THE FOG remake review, and he mentioned that you and Scotty "did a good job for me." How do you maintain sanity working with an NBA super-freak like John?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
We've had to work for a couple of people that have scared the shit out of us. Clive Barker first, then John Carpenter. In both cases, these are people who helped shape our opinions about what is scary. We looked at those opportunities as our chance to step up and learn from them in a one-on-one way that we can hopefully carry into whatever else we do. Let's put it this way... if I can make John Carpenter happy, I feel like I can make anyone happy.

Harry
Yeah, but he's a big softie. You just bring him an IN-N-OUT BURGER and he let's you get away with murder... right?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Damn. Shoulda thought of that. Next time.

Harry
Now - this Variety article mentions a ton of projects (but no CIGARETTE BURNS) what's going on with all these things you've allegedly written?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Uhhh... well, DREAD's with a director, and he has a very different vision of the film than we do. Your buddy Robert Rodriguez discovered this guy, Eduardo Rodriguez, and he's working with Fox to turn the film into a ghost story. POSTHUMAN belongs to Garner now that he's not at Revolution anymore. RACE WITH THE DEVIL's chugging along.

Harry
When do we get to see this CIGARETTE BURNS thing of yours?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
I think the weekend of BNAT is the week it premieres on Showtime, but they haven't given us our date for sure.

Harry
so you'll be missing BNAT to try and up your viewer numbers at home?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Hell, no, man. I'm a Neilsen family. I'm TiVO'ing myself to fame and fortune. I'm recording every single showing. My ratings will be phenomenal.

Harry
So how is this screenwriting thing going? You like it? or Are you fed up and really want to direct now?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
I like being a writer. I'm sure I'll get the itch soon, and Scott actually just finished a pretty spiffy short film on his own as a director... but for right now, I'm happy being at home and working.

Harry
Well, I was talking to Mr Swan earlier today too, and he says he's writing a script for him to direct. Is this a sign of a split?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
He's what?! HE'S DOING WHAT?! I'm sorry, this interview is over. I have phone calls to make and lawyers to contact.

Harry
He claims it's based on his Short Film.

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Did I just call his short film "spiffy"? I take it back. It is an abomination, a sin against cinema. I will abuse my platform on AICN to destroy him and all his works. Except the ones that are also mine. Bwahahahahaha...

Harry
How does writing with a partner work, I know you... how the hell does Scotty get a word in edgewise?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
It just depends. We each take the reigns for different things. For example, you know Scott. You know about the steel room under his house and the "mysterious disappearances" in his neighborhood. Trust me... writing INVASION will be like writing a script called A WEEKEND AT SWAN'S.

Harry
So basically, you're just phoning this one in and letting him do the heavy lifting?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
I'll be busy counting all the filthy lucre while he writes.

Harry
He's... your bitch?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Lighting cigars with $100 bills... that sort of thing... "Bitch" is such an ugly word. We are Master Blaster. He's my Quaato. Think of Swan as the mutant psychic growing out of my belly.

Harry
You know, real Hollywood writers are in Austin at the AUSTIN FILM FESTIVAL giving advice to eager would-be McWeeny-Swans. When will you go on tour and teach others your secret?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
As soon as we're sure people actually like the films that are going to get made and we can be relatively certain no food or rocks will be thrown.

Harry
How aggravating is the process of turning a script over and hoping for the best?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
All kidding aside, it's the scariest thing a screenwriter does. When you are done with your part of the process and you go back to being an outsider, waiting for news of something happening can be maddening, especially when the news is not what you expected. More than directing, I'd eventually want to be in a position to write and produce, since I think that's the power base.

Harry
So, you think being a PRODUCER is the smart move?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Producers are wonderful people. Rainbows and million dollar bills shoot out of their butts, and they pee champagne and lollipops. One day, when I's all growed up, I will be a producer, too.

Harry
Here's a question that all the talkbackers want to know the answer to. Exactly how many dicks have you sucked to get where you are today?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Today? Or total? Good lord, dude, I don't have enough fingers to count.

Harry
Not counting me.

LONG AWKWARD SILENCE

Harry
It seems you're exploring the horror genre pretty extensively as a screenwriter. Is that the genre you wish to continue in, or are there romantic comedies and musicals beating inside that noggin of yours?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
The way it works is you go with what you're offered for a while. We've got some specs brewing that are very outside the box of what we're doing right now, and hopefully when people finally see them, they'll be surprised and it will make them think of us a different way. Until then, what's not to love about horror movies? I've always said on the site... this is my favorite genre.

Harry
You've just had a baby. You're not gonna turn into one of those pussy writers that's all about Puff The Magic Dragon bullshit are you?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
Hell, no. I'm going to only write things that he can't see until he's 18. Just to make him crazy.

Harry
Good for you What sort of research do you do for a Home Invasion pic?

Andrew Michael McWeeny
I'm planning to invade Todd Garner's home. With Mike Fleiss and Scott Swan. Should be educational. Don't tell anyone. Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Knowles, I have to write an article for a website where I work.

Harry
Ok, I'll get the truth from Swan

Andrew Michael McWeeny
It's been lovely staring at your Tigger icon and chatting with you. Got a semi.

At this point, I began talking to the mysterious Scott Swan...

Harry
Drew refers to you as Kuato. So is he the lumbering face man and you're the all knowing genius driving this team?

Scott Swan
Neither of us is a genius. We're just a couple of Kuatos who love movies.

Harry
Do you have a steel room under your house and several missing neighbors?

Scott Swan
I couldn't get that steel room installed. The city wanted too much for the permits. I much prefer killing hookers in gas station restrooms. No overhead, no mess to clean up. Did you mention killing hookers? Or was that me?

Harry
In approaching this "Home Invasion" film, what sort of research do you do?

Scott Swan
We did a little research, you know, the basic stuff, statistics and scary true stories just to get a flavor for the genre. But the real work is just coming up with the human drama of the film. And that's the stuff that will hopefully make it worth watching. Yes, the crazy violent material will be the stuff you see on Entertainment Tonight, "This movie is crazy!" But the character stuff, which we're trying to make very real and recognizable, is what we're really after.

Harry
I know Drew has Anger issues - do y'all physically work things out. Does he tie you up and act out things as an invader? OR is it all strictly at the keyboard and conversation

Scott Swan
I'm actually hoping we never even meet in person during the writing process. On RACE WITH THE DEVIL we only met three times I think and it's one of the best things we've ever written. All joking aside, I love working with Drew and yes, he ties me up.

Harry
Today, You find yourself announced as writing the next horror film from the Producer of the current #1 Horror Film in America. It's 4am, is the pressure of writing a better horror film than the remake of THE FOG keeping you up and driving you forward?

Scott Swan
Sure, I guess. Writing a great horror movie is like taking on a dare. I suppose it's a lot like making a comedy. If you don't make it scary enough or funny enough the audience will be on to you in a second. But I try not to think of it as a competition. I make movies because that's the only thing I want to do. It has very little to do with anybody else.

Harry
What about marrying Amanda Lucas?

Scott Swan
I don't know what you're talking about. But if I were interested in Amanda, it's because she's a fascinating, intelligent, beautiful young woman.

Harry
Mhm. You have directing ambitions and I've heard wonderful things about a short film of yours. Is directing where your heart is at?

Scott Swan
Writing and directing is where my heart is. I don't just want to direct, though. I feel like I have to be involved at least with the story and I'll probably need to keep a hand in the scripting as well. I want to make movies that have something to do with me on some level... expressing something about me. If I found a script someone else wrote independent of me and I responded to it on a personal level, who knows. But I don't see that really happening. I think I'll need to craft the movie from the ground up to have a personal stake in it and put all that energy into directing it.

Harry
There's alot of "I's" in there, where does Drew stand in the Scott Swan, writer-director world?

Scott Swan
Drew and I have always wanted to direct together. I'm certain we will direct together many times. I'm also certain we'll direct apart many times. Our interests are similar in many respects, but we're also very different. I know there are movies I'm going to make that Drew won't only avoid watching, but will actively campaign against release. I respect Drew for his distain for the things I hold dear. It's a two-way street. And it's those differences that will make the projects we decide direct together interesting for us.

Harry
Is it true that you're such a terrible actor that you couldn't act like you were on fire if you actually were set on fire?

Scott Swan
True story. And I plan on being in all the films I direct. So you have that to look forward to.

Harry
So you share that with M. NIght and Tarantino? Not bad company.

Scott Swan
I should have been a bad actor, but I got side-tracked with the behind the camera stuff.

Harry
Emotionally where do you want the audience at the end of INVASION?

Scott Swan
I hope they feel like the family on-screen that's been abused and beaten down. Drew and I really want to make the family identifiable, so that the violence and personal invasion feels real. I want the audience to feel exhausted, but in a good raped kind of way.

Harry
What exactly is a "good raped kind of way"? Is that the way fans of the Prequels felt?

Scott Swan
A "good raped" kind of reaction is like the way I felt at the end of TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA or most of Friedkin's film. It's a good thing. films

Harry
I see. Interesting phrase. Drew seemed in insinuate that you were the sicker of the two of you, in terms of pushing the realm of the decent off the cliff. Why is that?

Scott Swan
Sometimes, as an artist, you want to go really sick. It causes a reaction. You don't always want to go that route because you can tip the scale too far in that direction and you lose the ability to shock, because then it just becomes tired. But I think most filmmakers either aren't allowed to push it or they're chicken and don't want to. I really hope we can continue to work in the horror genre for a little while longer so we can create something really shocking and leave are mark.

Harry
What sort of films have left that sort of mark on you?

Scott Swan
IRREVERSIBLE, CLEAN SHAVEN, SORCERER, TWO OF A KIND...

Harry
last question. In a world filled with so much ugliness and a society so eaten up with fear right now, why is it that you want to bring them more fear?

Scott Swan
I guess my answer is a selfish one. Perhaps we're bringing more fear into the world through our work, even if it's simulated, but it brings me peace in a bizarre way. I asked Rob Zombie that very question and I put forth the theory that perhaps he was trying to deal with real world violence in some way. He said it was just how he saw the world. I'm a total pacifist. I want to avoid violence and conflict as much as possible. But I realize we live in a world where turmoil is the norm. That scares the hell out of me and I guess I need to deal with it. I guess deep down I feel that if I can create that inhumanity and suffering and dramatize it, then I can somehow get a little closer to making peace with the terror that's going on in the world. Plus I'm a sadistic fucker... for a pacifist.

Harry
Thank you for dispelling some of the many lies that Drew put forth about you - and letting us see that you are clearing the mind behind the McWeeny/Swan Machine.

Scott Swan
My pleasure.