Y'all know me, know how I earn a living. Quint here with Latauro's newest Downunder column, which is fairly Joss Whedon heavy with rumors on possible Buffy and Angel movies of the week and some dish on WONDER WOMAN. Enjoy the Aussie report!

I haven't lived a good life. I've been bad, worse than you could know.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

Does anyone have $3.75million? That's how much the Astor Theatre in Melbourne is going for. Anyone who reads this column (and blindly believes everything I say) will know that the Astor is the greatest cinema on the planet, mixing the old (Chaplin, Hitchcock, Tati, Kubrick, Marx Bros) with the new (Batman Begins, LOTR, etc). It's a beautiful place, and its closure would be a crime.

This has been happening in Sydney, as well. Arthouse cinemas like the Valhalla have been shutting down. Some are getting big new fancy rejuvinations, others are staying closed.

With any luck, someone who knows what they're doing will pick up the site and continue running it the way it's being run. It would be a shame if this coming Wednesday was the last chance we'll have to see 2001 on the big screen.

NEWS

Big scoop came in earlier this week. Joss Whedon's been in town recently promoting SERENITY, and got to speaking with our new (and highly anonymous) scooper. "He told me that it's 99% likely (his words) that a new series of "Buffy" and "Angel" TV movies of the week will be happening soon. Spike will be the kick-off point followed by, hopefully, one with Illyria (sp), and Willow - depending on 'everyone's schedules, naturally'. In addition, he told me he'd like to get an unknown to play Wonder Woman, though Charisma Carpenter will 'at least get to test... she's got the look'. But yeah, I get the feeling he'll be flying the flag for a Brandon Routh-like newbie, one thing he did say was interesting though... something about fancying a tall Amazonian-type." Apparently Whedon also said something to the scooper about casting Michael J Fox to make WW look even taller. I'm not sure about that last one, though, sounds like a bit of a leg pull.

Regular scooper "Lennox" has sent in some info that came straight from the horse's mouth. By which I mean Rob Schneider. During Deuce Bigalow 2 promotions, the funniest man on the planet said that there's talk of a GILLIGAN'S ISLAND film. Apparently Adam Sandler's going to be Gilligan and Brian Dennehey's going to be approached for the Skipper. Australian actor Michael Caton (THE CASTLE and, um, STRANGE BEDFELLOWS) is up for the millionaire, and former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins (who was up for a role in CLICK before it went to Sophie Monk... is there anything to the fact that Caton, Hawkins and Monk all either work or worked for Channel Seven?). Presumably Schneider will be playing the millionaire's wife. How funny would that be?! Answers in talkback, please.

Couple of title changes here. I don't know if this'll apply to all territories or just Australia, but the Keanu Reeves/Sandra Bullock remake IL MARE has had a title change to THE LAKE HOUSE. Likewise, the latest Harrison Ford film THE WRONG ELEMENT has been changed to FIREWALL, a title that's sure to render it anonymous on the video store shelves within a year.

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

EMMY AWARDS

For those who missed the news, Australians Geoffrey Rush and Hugh Jackman picked up Emmys for their performances as Peter Lorre and Robert Frost, respectively.

BOX OFFICE

And now, a cheap alternative to narcotic depressants: this week's top five list!

1. DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
2. THE DUKES OF HAZZARD
3. CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
4. WALLACE AND GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT
5. SKY HIGH

RELEASED THESE TWO WEEKS PAST

Russell Crowe gets uncharacteristically violent, Rob Schneider, Miyazaki shows what it would look like if he'd made BIG, the entire film industry places its hopes on the next local low-budget flick, Whedon misbehaves, and Jason Statham fills in for Ice Cube.

CINDERELLA MAN
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE
THE MAGICIAN
SERENITY
TRANSPORTER 2

NEXT WEEK

- A new documentary about the making of Wolfgang Peterson's WWII sub movie reveals previously unknown casting decisions in DAS BOOT WAS MADE FOR WALKEN
- DreamWorks resigns Zhang Ziyi for Adam Shankman's MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE GEISHA
- Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett reunite to investigate the killing of sacred cows in India for comedy hijinks sequel BOLLYWOOD BOVICIDE

Peace out,

Latauro