Hey Folks, Harry here - here's the winners of the poetry tickets for FIREFLY:
Adum Ross
Amanda Ray
Amy Lemmerman
Athena Peters
Bain, Wesley
Bheeshmar Redheendran
Brian Boyko
Britton Gregory
Bryan Nealer
colptx_sbcglobal.net
DK
Donald Koenig
DRC
Elvis Bob Rasputin
Greg MacLennan
Gregg grapej_gmail.com
Heath Allyn
Holly Alloway
Ian Galloway
Jenna Mead
Jennifer Gordon Jacobson
Jon Mavis
Kareem Badr
Katherine Chandler
Katherine Willis
Kevin Pluta
Laura Koenig
Les Simpson
Leslye Moore
Lisa Carroll-Lee
Marc Gunn
Mark Gardner
Melissa Tyler
Michael Bockoven
mike neumann
mitchell sapp
R.Zane Rutledge
Robert Berry
Ron Blancarte
Ryan Mosley
Samantha Smith
Sarah Dickerson
Scott
Shannon Reynolds
Sheilagh O'hare
Shellie F
Steve Jackson
Steve Linder
Talon Darkwing
Valerie Ward
We'll be emailing everyone with directions to the screenings. I'll send over some of the poems later. Everyone on the list gets two free tickets.
Tim
Now, I know what you're thinking... You want to see the poems - but you really don't. Tim got hundreds of them - but here's a sample of those that won...
Kaylee, Kaylee, Kaylee, Kaylee,
Your eyes are as bright as the comet Hay-ley
Your lips so soft like The London Daily
I search for your heart like the Holy Grail-y
I long to make you purr like a tuned up star drive
To toss you a salad of watercress and endive
To harmonize like four out of the Jackson 5ive
And at the risk of sounding repeti-tive ...
Kaylee, Kaylee, Kaylee, Kaylee,
Come home with me just like Bill Bailey
We'll play Monopoly and get out of jail free
And pull the fringe curtains on mom's double-wide trailee
Kaylee you are so pretty
From head to toe, including titties
I want to kiss your sweet mouth
then kiss your neck, breasts and further south
Twixt your nethers, time I would selflessly spend
pleasing you over and over again
Please fix my heart like a worn out g-line
I will be yours if you will be mine
In the engine room you saw me
with greasy flowing hair.
On the grasslands of some backwater
a stallion to your mare.
Rotor turn, piston pump,
young maiden you did get shiny
for the drive train and crank case.
I nailed you on your hiney!
Now don't get me wrong!
A tattoo'd dude like me
can to you seem like "go-su"
But you took my job you prairie harpy!
and left me on planet Motu! (I think)
So hear me now, Kaylee Frye
of natural-born mech talent
next time I see a girl in jumpers
I won't let her hold my mallet!
Your beauty, Kaylee, trapped me
and made me such the fool.
I regret the day I ever met
the chick who's good with tools.
--Marco, former engineer abord "Serenity"
Here's a haiku for Kaylee, best read with a western accent...
"Sumthin' Else"
Girl, yer sumthin' else
Uh sweet, juicy strawberry
Ah could eat right up
the river
upon a spaceship you fly
better with no clothes
--
S Honea
There once was a really swell dude named Jayne
Who was as nice as nice could be.
Every morning he would smile at the Sun as he said
"Fiddle-diddle, fiddle-diddle-diddle-dee!"
One day as he spoke to the sun Jayne noted
That the Sun was just a little bit pissy.
"Fiddle-dee?" said the Sun, "That's really sort of
gay,
You're such a stupid, faggy little sissy."
Well from that forward Mr. Jayne was a tyrant
And would kick little puppies in the nuts.
He would poop on children, and burn down houses.
Freakin' everybody hated his guts.
So the people got together and they called a hero
By the name of Mighty-Ian Super-Great.
They told of all the evil things that Jayne had done
And said "Stop him quick before it's to late!"
Mighty-Ian Super-Great just shrugged his shoulders
So the poeple screamed "We'll give you lots of money!"
"I don't know," said Mighty-Ian as he stroked his
chin,
"Shit on kids is really pretty funny."
So Mighty-Ian Super-Great and Jayne joined forces
And they shat on children all across the town.
It didn't matter if the kids were Red or Yellow, Black
or White,
'Cause when they'd finish all the kids were stinkin'
Brown.
One day Mighty-Ian said to Jayne, "I've been thinking.
Your name is not extremely hard to say.
It's not too long, and it's not too flashy.
It's just that it rings a little gay."
"Well, I guess that's that," said Jayne, kinda angry.
"This partnership's officially done."
Ian called the cops (cause he didn't want to hurt
him),
And Jayne became a fugee on the run.
Not a day goes by that Mighty-Ian Super-Great
Doesn't think of all things they used to do.
So he'll kick a puppy's nuts, and hold it to the sky,
And he'll hope that Jayne has kicked a puppy too.
I love you Jayne. Poop on a kid for me.
I never knew you could dance,
I practically swoon with romance,
My dear Captain Mal,
It all went so well,
At least you didn't rip your tight pants.
Verse 2
Dang ran mei mei dong ma fei hua
mei mei feng le hou-zi de pi gu
Gorram bao bei
Gou shi bi zui
Guay, hu che lan dan jiang le se!
Delicate flower
And an engineer to boot?
Grease me up, woman!
Come with me-Okay? Leave
the others behind, aboard their ships
and you can board mine. I know
You've been so Malcontent with that
sorry lot. You and I could move to
a nice little planet, live together
in our apartment. We'd eat peas
from a can and I'd give you scalp
massages. Bring your gun, I
like it. I desperately like your t-
shirts. I like you, sir, in a tea
pot or midst a tempest fierce.
I like you something fierce.
I could spot you, when you
work out, you know, doing a
push-up, hard crunches, difficult
isotonic exercises. There's a frontier,
a whole universe, for you and I, Jayne,
and those who think I'm stupid for
loving you, to them, to them I say,
"He is, oh he is kind of terrible, he
is, but have you seen him in a t-shirt?"
At the risk of sounding too forward, I'd
also like to say that love and affec-
tion is covered under my generous
insurance plan, should things not
work out. I can knit. I'm pretty
good at kickball. And I like ad-
ventures. I think you, with your
je ne sais quoi, should come with
me and my oui, je sais monsieur.
Sigh, mon amour, I can learn to
speak Chinese and kick ass, to
win your heart. And I hope to, by
this scrive, earn your adoration, all
split infinitives aside. To this end,
I have hidden all the others in
my ode, so now it's just you and I
left, Jayne. Kisses!
The version with hidden names bolded, which I would emphasize when reading my poem aloud.
Come with me-Okay? Leave
the others behind, aboard their ships
and you can board mine. I know
You've been so Malcontent with that
sorry lot. You and I could move to
a nice little planet, live together
in our apartment. We'd eat peas
from a can and I'd give you scalp
massages. Bring your gun, I
like it. I desperately like your tee-
shirts. I like you, sir, in a tea
pot or midst a tempest fierce.
I like you something fierce.
I could spot you, when you
work out, you know, doing a
push-up, hard crunches, difficult
isotonic exercises. There's a frontier,
a whole universe, for you and I, Jayne,
and those who think I'm stupid for
loving you, to them, to them I say,
"He is, oh he is kind of terrible, he
is, but have you seen him in a t-shirt?"
At the risk of sounding too forward, I'd
also like to say that love and affec-
tion is covered under my generous
insurance plan, should things not
work out. I can knit. I'm pretty
good at kickball. And I like ad-
ventures. I think you, with your
je ne sais quoi, should come with
me and my oui, je sais monsieur.
Sigh, mon amour, I can learn to
speak Chinese and kick ass, to
win your heart. And I hope to, by
this scrive, earn your adoration, all
split infinitives aside. To this end,
I have hidden all the others in
my ode, so now it's just you and I,
Jayne. Kisses!
Kaylee, Kaylee
(as sung to the tune of Daisy Bell/Bicycle Built for Two)
Kaylee, Kaylee, covered in engine goo
Serenity keeps flying, only because of you.
You are a handy grease monkey,
Your person's so winsome and spunky;
The ship would be base, without your face
Beaming amidst the crew.
So maybe, Kaylee, you'll answer this query true,
I have an offer I'd like to pose to you:
If you'd go out with this fella,
I'd take you to all the galas.
I'd show off your grace with dresses of lace,
And together we'd say "I do."
Ever, after, we'll be together us two.
Taking our love to depths we never knew.
'Cause we were made for each other
Though, maybe we'll make another.
Then we'd be three, a real family,
In a Firefly shiny and new.
Ode to Jayne
My love for you ain’t hard to explain,
It’s the draw of a man not confused by his brain;
Not plagued with delusions of moral finesse,
Or dumbstruck by his own wife’s combative prowess.
Sweet Jayne, when ethics leave others perplexed,
You would save twenty hookers if it would just get you sexed.
You’re a simple man, not saddled down by his past.
Your own image you so graciously called “eerie-assed”
Has captured my longing, especially when without shirt.
It’s no mystery you are so loved by those guys who drink dirt.
O Jayne! My heart races when you work out with Book,
Or when your eyes caress Vera with so tender a look.
While I cannot agree you look better in red,
I do find you cunning with a yarn-cap clad head.
Dear Jayne, if you’d let me compete with your gun,
I’ll get dressed up real nice, and you can take me somewhere fun.
"Alas, that this poor surgeon cannot take
The scalpels that are 'words' in steady hand
And heal thy wounds, thine ills, and thy heartbreak --
Not cut thee as he has time and again!
Ah! If he could, he'd sing thee to the stars
Whose light is captured in thy shining eyes!
He'd tell of how thy smile lights up the 'verse
And calms the fearful soul that in him lies!
For grease and grime cannot obscure that love
For captain, ship, and all whom thou dost see
That brightly shines within, with nought to prove!
Oh, if he could but find the poetry --
Dear Kaylee, thou heart of Serenity,
He'd speak his love for all eternity."
Anyway, um...tell me what you think.
-Simon
END TRANSMISSION
Oh Border Princess,
Prairie Harpies are my dream
Mechanic, leave Simon
were I but a firefly
you could mend my broken heart
alas, I am merely a man
but still, I am falling apart
to you I would give
all the 'verse's pretties
i would feed you strawberries
and show you the finest cities
but your love is for another
a doctor for whom you swoon
but please, Kaylee, let me
give it to you in the engine room
with the word of God
you cap suckas in the knees
christ, that's a big 'fro
Ode To Mal
Oh how I love Mal, with your furrowed brow
Your cocky jaunt and space worthy taunt
A shotgun so big, it could kill ten men
And a lip so wise, your words rip through my skin
With reavers and run-ins and River aplenty
I don't understand how you keep your head steady
Adventure just sticks to you as you travel so gaily
But Mal, why oh why have you not slept with Kaylee?
It was love at first site
Serenity, he took flight
Outlaws and fugitives combine
Never afraid to cross the line
His love for his ship and crew
No harm anyone can do
Just trying to get by
Mal, on you they rely
I know this poem reaks
But I want some seats
Four tickets I need
Four tickets indeed
I love this Firefly
And without Mal will die
Tickets on the line
Will force me to rhyme
Nekkid in a freezer, you came to Serenity.
All cowering and crazy talk,
You didn't seem a Whedon entity.
But as we watched you warmed our hearts,
with your wacky antics and your cooky larks.
Hippy dress clad and combat booted,
You closed your eyes, then 3 you shooted.
Slashed Jayne in the chest cause he looks better redded,
(Thanks for that by the way--always good to see Adam Baldwin bare-chested)
Season 2's not to be, but a film's come to pass.
Where you look more Whedonesque--what with the kicking ass.
Now no power in the verse could you from me cleave.
I'll say but these few words, then take my leave.
If you'd fix my bible, I'd be your Simon.
I'd even work to improve my rhymin.
Some cling to Buffy, others keep Faith,
But I choose you, River.
Thus here I proclaimith:
You may be a witch, but your my witch.
River, River, you have been fucked
You're just a girl, with nuthun but
Bad luck
The Alliance wants you deceased,
So all those secrets will Rest in Peace
It's not easy being telepathic
Too many noises in your head
But don't mess with you,
You'll be seeing red
And kick some ass,
Like any self-respecting minx would
My dear River,
I'd let you run through me if you could.
--Katherine Willis
Especially when you're covered in grease (an ode to Kaylee)
By Mike Bockoven
The finest restaurants and companions
The core planets possess
But in the outer rims of the galaxy
Has the one that I love best
It's in the blackness of outer space
That our love began to land
Now I'm so darn smitten, dear
You take me where I cannot stand
Kaylee, lovely Kaylee,
whose cheeks are apple round
and when you eat a strawberry
I can barely make a sound
So tough and yet so elegant
In overalls and oil
So fun and yet so capable
Of replacing the compression coil
Your intrigue and your story grows
Because you're on the lam
And every time he makes you frown
I want to punch Dr. Simon Tam
I want to be your friend and lover
If you'd let me be
Because in your arms and in your eyes
I've found Serenity
from Prism of Loving
by Clem Perez
I long to touch the velvet of your skin,
To feel the warmth between your thighs,
An hold your breasts in my hands.
To be in you,
To know you,
To have you know me.
To give to you something of myself,
And to receive from you of your joy.
Dear Jayne,
You pull my trigger.
Love, Vera
A married man from Austin town a fearin of the worst
Fearful Kaylee is fictional and from another ' verse
Free me from these fears, relieve these awful woes
Show me her intractable cheerfulness... or just give me ticket to the show.
Is this man to old for dreaming? My brown coat a mid life cry?
Is Firefly really canceled? Will you let some Reaving Fox exec steal her from the Sky?
Grant this man a simple boon, A smile from your loving face
Allow me to take my fair lady to this show and we will both toast your cheerfulness and grace.
yours always,
Way too old for scifi,too brown coat to care
Homoerotic poetry was never my strength.
Perhaps it's the gay inside of my straight.
Confused here I sit, just wanting to say,
I heart Mal, like the sun loves the day.
I remember I watched a war movie
feels just like seven years ago you see..
A man cried for his brothers who died,
the irony however was his were alive.
I went from straight to flamin'
Over the Private Ryan who wasn't Matt Damon.
Next up for Mal was ABC.
On a show about pizza and she,
The girl with two guys and a place.
which was as fun as shaving with mace.
Luckily, it ended real quick,
struck down by the corporate stick.
Mal could leave and be great,
Leaving Van Wilder to kill vamps with a stake.
Then Mal met Joss Whedon,
the only other man I'd put my seed in.
They took flight in a bird named Serenity.
Like buzz lightyear from here to infinity.
and not that I gloat, but Joss also wrote.
So they set sail on the ocean called Fox.
Friday nights on the tube in a box.
Mal lead a crew of eight other souls,
warming our hearts by filling the holes.
Of course it aired out of order,
filling our heads with fear and disorder.
What would Mal do? How could he save us?
A shower from heaven, in love, did he bathe us.
Fifteen eps and a lifetime of love
Mal commanded the crew from below and above.
Like Vadar, Han Solo, and Chewbacca in one,
I swell with such passion when he'd fire his gun.
So Mal, I love you, I really do
The gross weird man touch kind too.
I'd give your face a kiss for a day at a time,
Only in Texas would it be considered a crime.
But screw the laws babe, its just you and me.
And a few thousand fans waiting to see.
Oh drat Mal's not here, where could he be?
Oh well I guess I'll settle for a kiss from Kaylee.
(this is the part where Jewel Staite totally makes out with me.)
(or a peck on the cheek anyway)
(or a firm but elegant handshake)
-fin-
Hey folks, Harry here again - if you didn't win - or barely survived that sampling of poetry - read below on how you still can go - See ya there!
Hey all you Herc-loving, Brown Coat wearing FIREFLY worshipping maniacs! Harry here - and I'm doing something, moderately cool with Tim League here in the Austin area for September 28th. I know you folks are a pack of frenzied mad drooling fiends for all thing Whedon - and what sort of Headgeek would I be if I didn't help put something extraordinary together just for all of you? Well, Tim League called me up and asked if I could help put together one of our patented cool as hell events - so I wrote Joss a letter, he wrote me back - I handed it off to Tim and now we have our cool as hell SERENITY screening in a real western town with real yumptious Chinese food snacks and BEER! Alright! Here's how to go!
Ain't It Cool News and The Rolling Roadshow will be hosting a sneak
preview screening of the film on Wednesday, September 28 at 8:00
along the streets of an old west town near Austin. Details and
directions will be given to the ticket holders. Stars Summer Glau
(River) and Jewel Staite (Kaylee) will be live in person at the
screening and will conduct a Q&A after the film.
There are three ways to get tickets:
1) Respond by 10 AM, Friday morning to either
ilovekaylee
ilovejayne
ilovemal
iloveriver
with a love poem to either Kaylee, Mal, Jayne or River, and the best authors will be given pairs of tickets to the show. Winners will be announced at Ain't It Cool News at 4 PM on Friday, September 23. We reserve the right to have you read your love poems on stage at the screening.
If you do not win a ticket through Ain't It Cool News, you can request a seat by emailing us at Serenity@OriginalAlamo.Com anytime after 5:00 PM on Friday
2) You can also buy a VIP tickets at OriginalAlamo.Com starting at 5:00 PM on Friday. The screening is free, but your VIP ticket includes a guaranteed reservation for the screening, two beverages (non-alcoholic or otherwise) plus a Firefly inspired to-go box of Chinese snacks prepared by Alamo Drafthouse Cinema executive chefs John Bullington and James Holmes. THESE TICKETS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT WWW.ROLLINGROADSHOW.COM starting at 5:00 PM on Friday, September 23.
All tickets not available through the Ain't It Cool News giveaway are first come first serve. Winners will be announced on MOnday, September 26.
We'll have full concessions, including beer service, available at the screening. No outside food or drink will be allowed.
Due to scheduling constraints, autographs may not be available at this event.
In the event of rain, the screening will be held at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema South Lamar.
Further details will be posted at OriginalAlamo.Com
