Harry's 2005 Live Stream of Unconciousness on OSCAR telecast!

Hey folks, Harry here with my annual blow by blow for all you folks out there that perhaps are not in front of a tv tonight, but stuck at work, studying and want to have your very own place to sneak a peek, have a bit of fun with not just my comments, but those witty ones below in Talk Back...

Now - I'm not all that jazzed about the Oscars this year. While I enjoyed MILLION DOLLAR BABY - I feel it is vastly overrated. However, it seems that the powers that be have pushed it as being a frontrunner. And I'm just not enthused. Now, because it is a frontrunner... doesn't mean it'll win a single award. Often times going into OSCAR night people end up shocked to see films shut out. Then, of course, what real significance does the Oscars have? With mini-Presidential propaganda campaigns focused on 'the community' of Filmmakers - it really has ceased to be about the "BEST FILM" but the best handshaking, schmoozing and spent for award. HOWEVER, the real significance of the Academy Awards doesn't really lay with Chris Rock's performance, the jokes, the shocks, the dresses and the speeches. It's ultimately the posterity of the nominations and the winners. Those facts... they live and cast a light on these titles, these nominees and these films... forever. However, that doesn't mean those films will be the films that we'll be loving forever... ultimately the films that last, that become films embraced by future generations... that is something only time will tell.

For now - it's time to start - I always begin with Baubwa Wawa's shockingly hard hitting interview style that dares to ask the same questions every single year and has become as ridiculous as... well you'd expect. With Terri Hatcher talking about getting laid, Jamie Foxx feeling the love of the spotlight and Will Ferrell's admittance regarding his tremendouse Bollywood career, this is all stuff that we can not live without... Here we go....

Starting off with Will Ferrell - Ok - I'm just sort of zombie-ing out watching Will play with Baubwa. That interview was just fun, but not particularly telling. It seems the Terry Hatcher interview will be the one where we get tears.

Ok - now I'm in love with Terri Hatcher - she's forced WaWa's into a VW Van and is feeding her Smores! Not only is she hot - but she cooks smores in a VW Van... Holy shit - she really drives a VW Van in Hollywood - that's spectacular! She is sooo yummy. Oh - She's Good Now. Damn... she's not desperate for sex. Double damn. God - Fuck Barbara... "As long as you don't stick your head in!" in response to Terri making a joke about how when crying in the kitchen it's warm by the oven. Hatcher is a really cool chick. So much more normal that Barbara, who apparently is a twit. Next up Mr Gold, Jamie Foxx...

MISS CONGENIALITY 2 - please be shot on nitrate and ignite before the prints can be struck.

Now we're seeing the Jamie Foxx interview. Yeah - he was damn good in ANY GIVEN SUNDAY and ALI. "I'm a cactus. I don't need a lot of water." That's strong. "My first girlfriend, we looked like the number 10 walking down a hallway!" That was a pretty damn solid interview. Jamie is a great interview. Alright now it's time for the Oscars. Here we go...

Barbara completely misses the point about Terri Hatcher's VW Van - at the end she says, I think you can finally afford a new van... Bitch please... Terri can afford any type of car she wants. Point is... The VW VAN was what she always wanted. I fucking hate yuppie condescending twits like Barbara.

Ok Oscars begin - That Natalie Portman dress was pretty great. Ok Red Carpet begins. Hillary Swank looks damn fine in that blue dress, it literally hugs and clutches every bit of her form. Oh I love Annette and Warren, she's so elegant. Boy they couldn't care less about that reporter's questions. Jamie and his daughter... I have to say, going with his daughter, that's cool as hell in my book. Hah! Jake Gyllenhaal interupting the interview. Look the star of CATWOMAN! Jesus she's beautiful. -- 3 top acceptance moments - Halle Berry, Hanks-Philadelphia and FUCKING BENIGNI! ARGH! FUCK BENIGNI! HE STOLE IAN'S FUCKING OSCAR!!!!! Renee in a red dress but she looks odd as a brunette. Leo, look at that guy, he's a helluva star. I just wish to god he'd make Richard Kelly's CAT'S CRADLE script. Oh - Laura Linney and KINSEY - great film. So far this Oscar Telecast feels flat and dead. I mean this breakdown of the 5 best actress candidates - just a flat voice over images - no music, no sound... just lame. Damn Beyonce... My sis is looking hot tonight.

Orlando Bloom states that Paul Newman and name checks THE HUSTLER - pretty cool. Good Show Orlando. Kirsten all goth looking with her brother. OH WOW - Cate looks amazing. Ah here they actually have the sound on. Love Aviator, love FInding Neverland, like Million Dollar Baby, Love Ray with the exception of the dream scene, and really really like Sideways. Oh yeah, here's Don Cheadle - for me - it's between him, Jamie and Leo for my own personal faves... but the award would probably help Don most and that wonderful film. I'd love it if Clive Owens wins. His role in CLOSER is great. Yummy, Scarlett and she names Judy Garland as her favorite actress. God - these Actor rundowns are so flat with that bland voice behind it all. Boy - Spike Lee looked weird there. 9 minutes to go.

Mike Myers would represent with Bart The Bear in a heartbeat, unfortunately Bart has been dead for a while now, but that idiot asking the questions doesn't even know that. Thank god the preshow is over...

Well the stage layout from that initial flyover wasn't very hot. Hopefully that'll change. The opening montage is pretty awesome, save for the occassional lame film like SHARK TALE inserted into the midst. Robin Hood and Legolas... Give me Robin... and the Chaplin / Shrek was mildly offensive.

Ok - Chris Rock takes the stage... "The 77th and the last Academy Awards" "Toby Maguire is just a boy in tights" Ok laughing too hard to type... oh shit, 70 trillian behind on your budget so you start a war with Banana Republic." LOL Oh shit. PASSION OF THE CHRIST - not that funny. BARBERSHOP - That's not a name, that's a location! Check-Cashing Place is coming soon! OH funniest joke, the eagerly awaited CATWOMAN 2.

Art Direction

Halle Berry for the Nominees for ART DIRECTION and now they have all the nominees on stage. AVIATOR had brilliant work. FINDING NEVERLAND - beautiful work. LEMONY SNICKET looked like Burton stuff. PHANTOM - beautiful but empty. Oscar goes to THE AVIATOR - DANTE FERRETTI and I didn't catch the other name.

Best Supporting Actor

Renee Zellweger says - Alan Alda fantastic - especially the scene in Congress! Fucking Brilliant. Thomas Hayden Church - hilarious in SIDEWAYS, but not my pick. Jamie Foxx in COLLATERAL - god he was great in that film. Morgan Freeman - He's so much better in UNLEASHED. Clive Owens in CLOSER - he was the best actor in this category. GO CLIVE - the winner is... MORGAN FREEMAN... He's a great Actor and he did good work, but he deserved it for SHAWSHANK, and I'm glad he finally got one. I just hope this is it's one Oscar. Classy Speech... and into STAR TREK theme? That's fucking weird!

OH MY GOD - They used Spartacus to sell fucking PEPSI! FUCK THAT! I'm never drinking goddamn Pepsi again!

BEST ANIMATED FILMS

Robin Williams takes the stage. He's exceptionally fuzzy today. Brando could've been Elmer Fudd! Nominees are: THE INCREDIBLES - genius - better fucking win. SHARK TALE - should never have been nominated - fuck this nominee in both ears! SHREK 2 - great in places, only. The oscar goes to: THE INCREDIBLES!!!! Fucking A! Frozone wins! Yes, ok this makes it worthwhile. He won. Brad won. Yes!

BEST MAKE-UP

Cate Blanchett didn't make the stage - doing MAKE-UP. Lemony Snicket - solid work. PASSION - amazing work. Sea Inside. Fuck this category for no HELLBOY - and the winner is LEMONY SNICKETT - Valli O'Reilly damn missed that second name. I don't like this out in the audience bullshit. I like the walk.

BEST SONG PERFORMANCE - LES CHORISTES -- Now Beyonce sings in French, on our family gatherings we used to sing in French together. It was ... sniffle... so long ago. I remember it like it was yesterday - I was a fat kid in a red woolen vest with a bow tie. So touching. She wore a beautiful sun dress awash with colors. Ours was a forbidden love shared only through our voices united in French song. BTW - This movie THE CHOIR is outstanding!

Fave movies from Magic Johnson Theater - Chronicles of Riddick, SAW and Alien Vs Predator. Oh - I love this feature.

Scarlett is stuck up in a Balcony - and she hosted the Scientific and Technology Awards. Ok two cranes and a master lens master. Oh cool they actually got to come to the oscars.

Best Costume Design

Pierce Brosnan with the Bond Music, odd... COSTUME DESIGN: lined up like cattle on the stage. OH YES! Edna Mode is assisting - and Brad Bird is a god! The nominees are: AVIATOR, FINDING NEVERLAND, LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE INCIDENTS, RAY and TROY! And the oscar goes to: THE AVIATOR for Sandy Powell!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Tim Robbins hits the stage nominees for SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Cate Blanchett - awesome performance - my hope for winning. Laura Linney in KINSEY - I'd love it if she won too. Virginia Madsen was wonderful, but I wouldn't give it to her, which probably means she'd win. Sophie Okanaedo for HOTEL RWANDA - really great in that film. Natalie Portman in CLOSER was great great great. And the Oscar goes to: CATE BLANCHETT for THE AVIATOR. It makes so much sense for giving Hepburn/Blanchett the award. She hopes her son marries Martin's daughter!

Tribute to Johnny Carson. "This is the night where the winners thank all the little people they stepped on all year." OH - I remember Johnny and Miss Piggy. That was a very nice tribute to Johnny.

Best Documentary

Leonardo DiCaprio on stage to present Best Documentary Feature; The nominees in Cattle form - all totally unrelaxed and uptight. BORN INTO BROTHELS - brutal. STORY OF THE WEEPING CAMEL. SUPERSIZE ME. TUPAC RESURRECTION. TWIST OF FATE. Winner is: BORN INTO BROTHELS. Absolutely the best of those nominees. Rosss Kauffman, Zana Briski!

Best Editing

Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom later to be seen in ELIZABETHTOWN. Best Editing nominees. Nominees are for The AVIATOR, COLLATERAL (wonderful), FINDING NEVERLAND, MILLION DOLLAR BABY, RAY - first head to head for the majors. Oscar goes to: THE AVIATOR - seems to be winning. THelma Schoonmaker did brilliant job on THE AVIATOR. Thrilling, exciting. Awesome work!

Best Song Performance by Counting Crows of their SHREK 2 song. Such a bland lame song. Very junky staging... seemingly thrown together camera movement. Not enjoying this at all.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones take the stage, but Adam is there all by himself - Chris Rock is standing in. Wow - this is WAY LAME. The Best Adapted SCREENPLAY award. BEFORE SUNSET (go go go!!!), FINDING NEVERLAND, MILLION DOLLAR BABY, THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES (go go go!!) and SIDEWAYS. Oscar goes to: Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor for SIDEWAYS! Damn fine work there! Very fun back and forth acceptance.

Best Special Effects

Jake Gyllenhaal and Ziyi Zhang (who looks amazing) - BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: herded like cattle for HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN, I,ROBOT and SPIDER-MAN 2! Go Spidey! And the Oscar goes to: John Dykstra, Scott, John Frasier, Anthony! "Boy am I glad there wasn't a 4th episode of LORD OF THE RINGS!" John Dykstra rules!

Yippee! Mickey Rooney! Mickey always makes me smile hugely!

Frank Pierson introduces Al Pacino to present the honorary Oscar to Sidney Lumet! ha! Morgan clutching his Oscar and winking.... that was distracting from Al's presentation. "If you dig it, it's yours" 12 ANGRY MEN this movie is fucking awesome. STAGE STRUCK, FUGITIVE KIND, LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT, THAT KIND OF WOMAN... FUCKING FAILSAFE and THE HILL! SERPICO!!!!!!! God that rules! I love Q&A. NETWORK!!!!. MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS. THE WIZ!!!! THE MORNING AFTER... EQUUS! THE PAWNBROKER find and watch immediately! DEATHTRAP ahhhhhhhh the kiss! THE ANDERSON TAPES!!! DOG DAY AFTERNOON, THE VERDICT!!!! See a pattern of greatness there? Yup! Whoa - look at Vin's hair?!?!?!?!!? Very nice tribute - and now Sidney Lumet! God - what a great acceptance speech. Mother of god is this the end of Rico. Oh - he got me with I'd Like to thank the Movies! First tears of the night! That's Class!

The star of PHANTOM OF THE OPERA - Rossum presents Andrew Lloyd Webber and my sister doing that terrible new song they put into the film. And why is Beyonce doing this? Oh - because they realized that they needed some sort of singer do it rather than the ones that did it in the movie? Then why not just bring in one of the cast members from Broadway? I mean - the person in question, Rossum was just on stage - she could've done it. It is cool that Andrew is personally performing - that's classy of him.

Best Live Action Short

Jeremy Irons to present an in audience award - there was apparently a gunshot in the room and Mr Lincoln fell dead. "I hope they missed" Best LIVE ACTION Short: LITTLE TERRORIST, 735 IN THE MORNING... too quick... shit.. the oscar goes to WASP and Andrea Arnold. And because it's a short film, she gets to stand in an aisle... "This is the dog's bollocks!" hehehehe

Best Animated Short

Laura Linney in the aisle again for Animated Short: Birthday Boy, Go For Broke, Lorenzo, Guard Dog, Ryan. No clips sucks. Oscar goes to RYAN for ChrisLandreth - and I hate we don't get clips! Fuck that. Fuck the people running this year's show. I loved getting those clips.

Best Cinematography

Kate Winslet looking gorgeous always. To present for Best Cinematography. Nominees: THE AVIATOR, HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS, THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT - All should win. Oscar to Robert Richardson for THE AVIATOR and he's a fantastic guy - when he shot blood out his ass on Tarantino he ruled. But seriously the Cinematography in THE AVIATOR is awe-inspiring. Thanked the nurses and doctors taking care of his mother.

The Accountants - are enormous

Best Sound Mixing

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek... oh my god, that'll mess with my dream tonight. Sound Mixing: THE AVIATOR, THE INCREDIBLES (win win win), THE POLAR EXPRESS, RAY and SPIDER-MAN 2! Go INCREDIBLES... The winner is RAY's team of Scott, Gregg and the other two - these fucking subs are so quick you can't read them in time. Fuck this is one of the worst directed telecasts of all time!

BEST SOUND EDITING

Penelope and Salma are back for SOUND EDITING : The nominees are: THE INCREDIBLES, POLAR EXPRESS, SPIDER-MAN 2. The oscar goes to: THE INCREDIBLES! Second win for this genius film which isn't nominated for Score cause of the deaf ear of the Academy!

Salma is introducing the song from THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES - "The Other Side of the River" - Antonio Banderas and Carlos Santana... Fucking A, this'll rock. Oh that's a cool ass set. Ok, Carlos just owns. God I loved Antonio's singing in EVITA. He's got to be geeking inside about performing with Santana! Listen to that guitar sing. Fave song so far. And the movie definitely deserves a win of some sort this year. Very cool

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

Natalie Portman looking delicious as hell. DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECTS.. AUTISM IS A WORLD.. THE CHILDREN Of, HARDWOOD, THE CHILDREN'S MARCH, SISTER ROSE'S PASSION and the winner is.... MIGHTY TIMES: THE CHILDREN'S MARCH - Robert Hudson, Bobby Houston.

BEST SCORE

John Travolta and they cut to Sam... ORIGINAL SCORE - FINDING NEVERLAND, HARRY POTTER AND PRISONER OF AZKABAN, LEMONY SNICKET, THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST and THE VILLAGE. I say Go Passion. THe winner is for FINDING NEVERLAND by Jan Kaczmarek - great score -- but Howard Shore's AVIATOR and that amazing fucking INCREDIBLES score were both totally ignored. Btw - Jan rules - I could listen to him talk all night long!

Martin Scorsese hits the stage... The Humanitarian award to Roger Mayer - with the Hersholt award. Film Preservation hero. Great speech about preservation.

Annette Bening hits the stage to present the departed sequence of faces and people that went away. Yo Yo Ma. - Ronald Reagan, Peter Ustinov, Carrie Snodgreass, Dan Petrie, David Raksin, FAY WRAY, Phil Gersh, Elmer Bernstein, Carol Eastman, FRANK THOMAS, RUSS MEYER, Jerry Orbach, Ralph Winters, Robert Thompson, Howard Keel, JANET LEIGH, CHRISTOPHER REEVE, OSSIE DAVIS, Jerry Bick, Mercedes McCambridge, William Sackheim, Ed Deguillo, Nelson Gidding, PAUL WINFIELD, Phillipe, Jerry Goldsmith, RODNEY DANGERFIELD, VIRGINIA MAYO, TONY RANDALL, MARLON FUCKING BRANDO. Those sequences are so emotional...

Sean Combs and weird residual smoke... to do a presentation of a song for BEYONCE and Josh somethingoranother.... God - I feel like I'm stuck in the endless elevator.... and how does Beyonce's hair change complete styles so quickly? Nice staging. Terrible song performance... so goddamn sappy. Beyonce should have stopped with that French song - now she looks like singer for hire. Really sad.

Academy Award winner... PRINCE... Oh I love this guy! Hehehehe... Best dressed man of the night. Wouldn't you love for him to honestly speak about the quality of these songs? He's so bored up there. This really underlines how uncool these songs are by having PRINCE present the award. The oscar goes to: THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES!!!! Yes! Jorge Drexler! Awesome. That's the Only ....OH THAT"S AWESOME.... him singing, then CIAO! GREAT MOMENT!

Sean Penn - takes offense and gives Jude Law the credit he deserves. BEST ACTRESS: Annette Bening BEING JULIA, The MARIA FULL OF GRACE actress... I couldn't catch her name with my inadequate Gringo ears, Imelda, VERA DRAKE ... 3 great roles so far... Hillary Swank - just not a fan of this character. KATE WINSLET - my personal dream for best actress tonight. I love her so much in this movie. And the winner is: ... Hillary Swank. My least fave of these Nominees. Yeah, she might be the first nominated actress playing a boxer... but ya know what, Michelle Rodriguez in GIRLFIGHT kicked her ass up and down both sides of the street. She's so strong an actress, but I just don't care for the part. Her role in BOYS DON'T CRY was astonishing. Bored.

Best Foreign Film

Gwenyth Paltrow - AS IT IS IN HEAVEN, LES CHORISTES, DOWNFALL (wonderful film), THE SEA INSIDE (wonderful), YESTERDAY -- and the winner is: THE SEA INSIDE and Alejandro Amenabar. And btw - why wasn't Javier Bardem nominated?

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

SAM JACKSON - pay attention - he's a god. THE AVIATOR, ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, HOTEL RWANDA, THE INCREDIBLES, VERA DRAKE... and the winner is: CHARLIE KAUFMAN!!!! MICHEL GONDRY!!!! Truly the best screenplay.. There folks is GENIUS!

Best Actor

Charlize drroooolll... Don Cheadle, so good in HOTEL RWANDA, Johnny Depp in FINDING NEVERLAND, Leonardo DiCaprio in AVIATOR, Clint Eastwood in MILLION DOLLAR MERMAID and Jamie Foxx as RAY. Now let's see how this goes. The OSCAR goes to: JAMIE FOXX in RAY!!! Cool. He's really great in this. Totally deserved. But this was a pretty strong category this year. Awwww, isn't she adorable. Act Like You Got Some Sense. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight, we've got a lot to talk about! I love you! Great.

BEST DIRECTOR

Julia Roberts hits the stage to present BEST DIRECTOR... the nominees... Scorsese, Eastwood, Hackford, Payne and Leigh. And the winner is: FUCKING EASTWOOD. GOD DAMN THIS FUCKING ACADEMY! FUCK THEM, THIS and THAT! So... apparently Scorsese just is gonna have to get one of those honorary Oscars. HOLY SHIT - Clint's MOM is in the audience. Dammit. Damn Damn Damn Damn it. Crack Geriatrics team. God I love Eastwood, but not this movie. FUCK.

BEST PICTURE

Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand present the nominees: THE AVIATOR, FINDING NEVERLAND, MILLION DOLLAR BABY, RAY and SIDEWAYS. And the Oscar goes to: FUCK the Goddamn MILLION DOLLAR BABY with a coathanger in a back alley. FUCK THIS! I'm out of here!

Ok - Back. Calmed, a tad. I like Eastwood's MILLION DOLLAR BABY. It's a nice flick about a fairly obvious story, told better throughout any number of fantastic boxing films. It isn't near as great as the film he last won for, UNFORGIVEN. To me, AVIATOR was breathtaking cinema told by this country's greatest filmmaker, who this Academy in it's infinite blindness has continuously handed him his high hat. Like A BEAUTIFUL MIND, in a year's time MILLION DOLLAR BABY will be gathering dust in the previously seen bins, left unbought. They're good performances in a nicely directed film... But Scorsese was on an entirely different level of filmmaking.