It’s comic-bookdom’s finest hour, where all the stars and fans have gathered to pay homage to the best and the brightest of the industry.
Greetings, faithful talkbackers! I am the Moderator, the omniscient and lonely voice of reason haunting the hallowed halls of @$$hole HQ. With me, reporting down at the red carpet is my co-host Schleppy, official @$$hole mascot and filthy monkey. What’s the poop, Schlepp?
Buh-naners, everybuddy! Schleppy see lots of stars. Dere’s Brian K. Vaughan hob-knobbing with Vice President Dick Cheney, mutant activist Professor Charles Xavier, Brian Azzarello, resurrected Vincent Price as TV Batman’s Egghead, actor Billy Zane, singer/songwriter Melissa Etheridge, Brian Michael Bendis, and @$$hole reviewer Ambush Bug.
You can feel the intensity in the air. Everyone wants to know who will take home the coveted @$$IE AWARD! This year, there are five categories:
(Click title to go directly to the category)
Best Single Moment/Single Issue
Best Miniseries/Special/One-Shot
Best Artist/Art Team
Best Writer
Best Ongoing Comic Book Series
For the sake of time, special awards will be scattered throughout honoring the rest of the winners. Since it’s hard to get the @$$holes to agree on anything, each reviewer will pick a winner for each category. Everyone seems to be making their way to their seats and the lights are dimming. The FIRST ANNUAL @$$IE AWARDS are about to begin!
BEST SINGLE MOMENT/SINGLE ISSUE
Lizzybeth - BIRTH OF A NATION, by Kyle Baker, Aaron McGruder, and Reginald Hudlin. In any other year it would be simply satire. In 2004, it hurts. A cross between THE MOUSE THAT ROARED and “The Dave Chappelle Show,” illustrated by the gifted Kyle Baker, I think in the future we will look back on this one with a little more appreciation than it received this year. Good stuff.
Vroom Socko - If you have to ask, you didn't see the final page of issue #16 of RUNAWAYS. And if you had to ask, then you also have to buy all three RUNAWAYS digests. What are you waiting for, an Amazon link? Go buy these!
Buzz Maverik - Oh, there are just so many.
Ambush Bug - IDENTITY CRISIS #5. Say what you will about this series, but Batman and Robin’s frantic race to save Robin’s father from the serial killer was one of the most white-knuckle inducing series of panels I have ever read. The miniseries itself had its flaws, but writer Brad Meltzer knows how to build up the tension and hit you where it hurts. After this issue, Robin would never be the same again and a classic moment in comic books was born.
Dave Farabee - I can’t believe I’m picking it either, but - all hands brace for credibility loss! – my choice is PUNISHER: THE END. Damned if it didn’t stick with me. Utterly nihilistic in its depiction of Frank Castle’s final mission in a nuke-ravaged America, it captures in purest form both the horror and wish-fulfillment fantasy of vigilantism, all the while re-awakening my dormant childhood fears of nuclear destruction. Thanks a lot, Ennis! Bonus points for Richard Corben’s gruesomely tactile vision of the End Times.
Sleazy G - Favorite moment? Well, that would be when I realized I don't actually like any of Judd Winnick's writing, and it's okay to stop buying it. Judd seems like a really nice guy, and very sincere, and I sometimes enjoy reading interviews with him or seeing him talk about ideas for upcoming storylines. I heard good things about PEDRO AND ME and BARRY WEEN but missed picking them up, so I figured I'd give his DC stuff a whirl. I haven't found a single thing I liked yet. GRADUATION DAY, OUTSIDERS, GREEN ARROW, CAPERa lesson that I will carry with me for the rest of my comics-reading days: don't waste your money on stuff you hate…unless you're gonna review it, of course.
Most Burrito-Like Weaponry
Rob Liefeld for CABLE/DEADPOOL #1.Grossest Comic Moment Of The Year
Two guys slather themselves with zombie gore to sneak into a zombie-packed city for ammo without being sniffed out by the undead (WALKING DEAD #4).Hardcover Without Which Your Life Has The Least Meaning
Fantagraphics' COMPLETE PEANUTS VOL. 1.Best Affirmation Of Gaudy Superhero Costumes
“Sorry, Logan. Super Heroes wear costumes. And quite frankly, all the black leather is making people nervous." - Cyclops (as scripted by Joss Whedon), ASTONISHING X-MEN #1.BEST MINISERIES/SPECIAL/ONE-SHOT
Sleazy G - BATMAN: ROOM FULL OF STRANGERS by Scott Morse. Morse wrote and illustrated this quiet, overlooked gem last year. Batman only appears in a handful of pages near the end, and that's a good thing. The story focuses on the retired Jim Gordon, a star struck young boy, and the murder they work together to solve. It's a sweet, melancholy meditation on Gordon's past and present relationship with Batman as well as the foolish things kids do when they mean well and try to emulate their heroes. If you see this at your shop or in a back issue bin, snap it up. Morse's distinctive art is gorgeous and it's a surprisingly touching tale. This was a close one, though--I also really loved Mike Carey's MY FAITH WITH FRANKIE, which showed a more lighthearted, mischievous side to Carey's writing.
Lizzybeth - LOCAS by Jaime Hernandez. The other amazing collection from my favorite comics series of all time, LOVE AND ROCKETS. This wonderfully produced hardcover collects ALL of the Maggie and Hopey stories from ten years of work. It's extraordinary how this story evolves over the course of this hardcover and how Jaimie Hernandez's artwork and storytelling abilities evolve with it. More accessible than PALOMAR, but no less essential.
Vroom Socko - There was nothing funnier on the stands this year than the second issue of BLUE MONDAY: PAINTED MOON. Nothing. A whole comic dedicated to masturbation humor that manages to not become overtly crass? Who'da thunk it? Chynna Clugston is consistently comedy gold.
Buzz Maverik - DC COMICS PRESENTS. This series saluted the late, legendary editor Julius Schwartz. Modern writers and artists were given Schwartz's high concept covers featuring the heroes from DC's Silver Age and asked to cut loose. Highlights include Brian Azzarello on GREEN LANTERN.
Ambush Bug - MADROX. MADROX. MADROX. When Marvel gets things right, I have to give them credit. This series was fresh and exciting, taking an obscure B-lister and adding a creative twist. Writer Peter David never ran out of ways to make this replicating detective-wannabe fascinating to follow as he stumbles through a mystery featuring every “noir” cliché in the book. There were many great miniseries this year, but this one proved that there is still life and unexpectedness in the super hero genre. This comic broke from the boring mold Marvel has cast so many of its titles from. Truly entertaining, hilariously funny, and a testament that Peter David still has what it takes to entertain.
Dave Farabee - Contenders included WE3, B.R.P.D.: A PLAGUE OF FROGS, ADAM STRANGE, and especially the sublime DEEP SLEEPER, but in the end the @$$ie goes to the collected miniseries, THE HEDGE KNIGHT. Adapted from a George R.R. Martin short story about a jousting tournament, it’s noble, brutal, moving, and everything that’s great about the fantasy genre, minus all the predictability and hokey shit. Did I mention that a new printing just hit store shelves?
Best Culinary Use of a Chainsaw
IRON WOK JAN VOL. 9.Best Question Asked in a Comic Creator Interview
"What does Richard Donner smell like?" Jon Quixote to Geoff Johns.Best Casting Of A Comic Artist In The Role Of The Lord God Almighty
Jack Kirby, FANTASTIC FOUR #511 (by Mark Waid).Best Vertigo Series You Weren’t Reading, And Look, It Got Cancelled You Schmuck!
HUMAN TARGETBEST ARTIST/ART TEAM
Dave Farabee - I was thiiiiiiiiis close to giving this one to Frank Quitely like all the cool kids, but since the last issue of WE3 didn’t hit till 2005, sorry Frank! Yer S.O.L. and Craig Thompson wins for his ridiculously inspiring brush-work in the travelogue, CARNET DE VOYAGE. If you’re an artist, it’s physically impossible to look at this book and not want to put pen to paper.
Sleazy G - Rags Morales. The guy did some great stuff on Geoff Johns' HAWKMAN, and I've been enjoying his stuff here and there for years. With this year's IDENTITY CRISIS, though, Morales stepped up and served us seven gorgeous issues. He brought his A-game like nobody's business, and he brought it to one of the highest-profile series in recent memory. He served notice to everybody who reads mainstream comics and planted himself squarely on the top tier.
Lizzybeth - Frank Quitely, for WE3. There were so many artists I enjoyed this year, but I have to give it up to Frank Quitely's collaboration with Grant Morrisson on the wonderfully demented WE3. Quitely and Morrisson should be handcuffed together like THE 39 STEPS and forced to produce fantastic delusions like this on a regular basis.
Vroom Socko - CARNET DE VOYAGE came out this year, so do you honestly think there's any question? Craig Thompson is a phenomenal artist. Every page he does is beautiful to behold, without any modern peer. How does he do it? The man has arthritis, for fuck's sake!
Buzz Maverik - Darwyn Cooke on THE NEW FRONTIER. I couldn't get past the lame first issue or suspend logic (fighter pilots kill or they're court-martialed, etc), but the book had beautiful artwork.
Ambush Bug - Gotta go with Lizzy here. Frank Quitely’s WE3 was the best looking comic of the year. From the interesting camera angles to the jittery “confetti-ing” of the panels to symbolize the animals’ perceptions and the intensity of the action, this series may have been a pretty straight forward escape story, but Quitely’s visuals were truly revolutionary.
Special Award For Being The Only Superman Comics Worth Reading In 2005
DC’s two digest reprints of Mark Millar’s run on SUPERMAN ADVENTURES.Toughest Trade Paperback With The Word “dandelion” In The Title
QUEEN & COUNTRY Vol. 6: OPERATION DANDELION.Comic You Should Have Read Instead Of Going To See TROY
Eric Shanower’s AGE OF BRONZE.The Buzz Givin’ Props Where Props is Due Award
Marvel needs props for putting out an offbeat selection of MARVEL ESSENTIALS. Everything from TOMB OF DRACULA to IRON FIST to SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM UP. In '05, look for ESSENTIAL LUKE CAGE and ESSENTIAL DEFENDERS.And now, a musical interlude by Gamma-Powered Pia Zadora, performing an original song inspired by the Jody Foster movie NELL. It’s entitled, “Nee peppa nay” and I have no idea what it has to do with comic books.
Nee peppa nay…
Neee poppa noo…
Nee peppa nee naww...
Neee poppa noo…
Nee peppa nee naww...
Disclaimer: We at AICN COMICS would like to interrupt that last bit with a special message. We do not know for sure if Pia Zadora is in fact Gamma-powered or if her powers come from some other unearthly source. We also sincerely apologize to anyone who had to sit through the movie NELL. And now, back to the show.
Nee pep-PAHH…
NAYYYYY-HEYYYYYYY-YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
NAYYYYY-HEYYYYYYY-YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, Gamma-Powered Pia Zadora! Wow, it truly is a magical night, eh Schleppy?
Schleppy not know what Schleppy did to deserve dat. Schleppy not know what magical is, but if magical sounds like pained lemur, den yes, dat was magical.
Indeed. And now the @$$IE AWARD for Best Comic Book Writer.
BEST WRITER
Buzz Maverik - Dan Slott. This is a modern storyteller who knows that you don't write what you don't read. I hate the terms "old school" and "new school". This ain't school. School sucks! Comics are fun! Slott clearly reads today's comics as well as yesterday's. I recommend SHE-HULK, ARKHAM ASYLUM: LIVING HELL, and SPIDER-MAN/HUMAN TORCH.
Ambush Bug - Without a doubt, the one writer who came out of nowhere and impressed the hell out of me this year was Andy Diggle . I first got wind of this guy’s talents in the often overlooked action/intrigue Vertigo extravaganza, THE LOSERS. But Diggle really impressed me with his recent ADAM STRANGE miniseries. He proved that not only can he produce action of the highest caliber, but he can apply it to the super hero genre with ease. During this Post-Modern Age of deconstructionism and self awareness, where words often drown out the spectacular images and ruin untapped creativity, Diggle has proven time and time again that he understands and is blazing a new and exciting trail for this medium. If there is any writer out there that I plan on following no matter what the project is, Diggle is the man.
Dave Farabee - Even though I’ve never quite been able to warm up to EX MACHINA, Brian K. Vaughan nevertheless owns this award. He gave the first RUNAWAYS series the kind of send-off that’ll make fans wish every great series would get cancelled (then re-launched!). His Y: THE LAST MAN was continually neck-and-neck with FABLES for the best Vertigo title. And, dammit, I don’t care if I was the only one who read it, SPIDER-MAN/DOCTOR OCTOPUS: NEGATIVE EXPOSURE was the best, purest Spider-Man story since Stern’s days.
Sleazy G - Dan Slott. Slott, along with Vaughan and Nicieza, is busy quietly carving out a segment of the Marvel Universe that is fun, respectful and action-packed. It's a welcome change, and Slott's SHE-HULK definitely earned the second "season" it has coming up later this year. It's been an energetic ride where he incorporates a lot of fresh ideas with a sincere respect for the Marvel U's history. He also wrote a much creepier mini over at DC--ARKHAM ASYLUM: LIVING HELL. It detailed a white-collar prick's descent into psychosis, which suggests the guy has a depth to his ability that won't leave us stuck with another one-trick pony.
Lizzybeth - Alan Moore . Any other answer is simply incorrect.
Vroom Socko - We give this man a lot of shit, but at the end of the day Brian Michael Bendis is one talented mensch. While his work published in 2004 was not as creative or satisfying as 2003, between SECRET WAR, ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, POWERS, DAREDEVIL, and THE PULSE, Bendis has given us plenty of memorable moments (PS: Hawkeye Lives, Motherfucker!).
Worst costume redesign
Beast's X-girdle, ASTONISHING X-MEN #1.Most Creative Description Of Wonder Woman From An @$$hole Review
“Especially in an industry where William Marston's once strong but kinky superheroine has been blanded up into a 70 year old feminist icon with a hymen drawn so tight her cherry has gone maraschino.” (Jon Quixote from his review of Y: THE LAST MAN #20).Most Bergmanesque Superhero Comic
Grant Morrison’s SEAGUY. Runner-up: reprint volumes of Grant Morrison’s DOOM PATROL.Most Revealing Comic-Related Subject Line In An AICN TalkBack
“I used to spank it to the picture of Lorelei from the Marvel Universe Handbook.” By Rev_skarekroe.BEST ONGOING COMIC BOOK SERIES
Vroom Socko - If there's a better superhero comic out there than JSA, I'll eat my hat. This is one of the few comics from the Big Two that is unafraid of the future while also managing to be respectful of the past. This is the best superhero team book out there right now, without question.
Buzz Maverik - SHE-HULK by Dan Slott and Paul Pelletier. They understand that all they have to do is write good stories and provide good artwork. A close runner up would be SPIDER-MAN written by Mark Millar with a revolving series of artists. It's not what you think it will be, but it is the best current SPIDER-MAN series.
Ambush Bug - SUPREME POWER may be revamping the Squadron Supreme for the new millennium in a time where revamps and reimaginings are as common as bad breath in a comic book shop, but J. Michael Straczynski never fails to fill each and every issue with more super-heroics than most comics see in a year’s run. This series is layered thematically, it’s cinematically stunning to look at, and it celebrates the complexity and traditions of being a hero in a modern world. This series towers above the rest of the comics I read this year.
Dave Farabee - FABLES, brotha. FABLES all the way. I simply can’t think of a more consistently great title, and with every fairy, folk, and tall tale at his disposal for inspiration, writer Bill Willingham’s given us everything from war stories to love stories to political farces. My god, is there any character in comics cooler than Bigby Wolf?
Sleazy G - RUNAWAYS . As far as I'm concerned, this is the best book Brian K. Vaughan has written to date, and that's saying a lot--I even liked his brieft stint on the abbreviated, Tefe-centric SWAMP THING. The art is fantastic, the characters are unique and distinct, the book is packed with novel ideas and every single issue left me wanting to read the next issue RIGHT THEN. Buy the digests. Buy the new #1. Buy, buy, buy.
Lizzybeth - SCOTT PILGRIM'S PRECIOUS LITTLE LIFE. As far as I'm concerned 2004 was the Year of the OGN (Original Graphic Novel). So it's only fitting that I pick SCOTT PILGRIM for my favorite series, even though only the first volume was released in 2004. That's how much fun I had with this book, how much I passed it around to friends, and how much I look forward to Vol. 2 this year. Rating: Awesome.
