Ahoy, squirts! This is a real honor. My great good buddy The Foywonder interviewed the amazing talent that is Uwe Boll for The Horror Channel's Dread Central recently and my name was brought up. A lot. It seems I've been given the honor of being Uwe Boll's biggest fan! I will be starting a fan club, if you're curious and charging $150 per membership. I know that sounds steep, but that's the price you pay to be blessed with such fan club exclusives as HOUSE OF THE DEAD Fan Club Edition DVD (which has 20 MORE minutes of original video game footage included, plus another 650 badly executed MATRIX rip-off effects and a 30 minute featurette exclusive to this disc that shows the make-up effects guys going through Wal-Mart's post Halloween discount racks and finding the hero zombie masks for the film!), a picture autographed by Dr. Boll of him squatting over the video game of your choice with a loaf hanging half in and half out of his ass, swinging precariously over your favorite game and a Uwe Boll for President Button. Also, every month you will get a partially illegible newsletter straight from the desk of Dr. Boll where he will, month after month, blame everyone else in the world for not understanding his genius. Maybe, if you're lucky, he will expand on his theory that he came up with after HOUSE OF THE DEAD was a financial and critical failure, after it earned a 2.4 rating on IMDB (which makes it the 30th worst film ever made according to IMDB voters)... well, he now says he INTENDED for it to be a shitty movie and that makes it a success because it turned out shitty! Do you understand? As you can see, that's more than a bargain, it's a goddamn necessity. I'll be taking applications for the Dr. Uwe Boll fan club shortly.
Seriously, you should go over to Dread Central and check out Foy's interview for some amazing Uwe-isms like this (when asked by Foywonder why the zombies in HOTD couldn't get into a wooden house when most of them were swinging axes around earlier in the movie):
UB: Not all zombies have axes and I think they would come in. See the scene where Ellie's dead. But after the big attack they bringing the dead zombies away so there are a few minutes break also for zombies.
Sure, I can't speak German, so I shouldn't have any right to make fun of Boll's amazing sentence structure, but I also didn't make one of the 30 worst films EVER MADE... ever, so I get that right back. It's a give and take.
I'm serious about going over and reading the interview. Unlike some other sites that have been bashing Boll up until they got offered the opportunity to interview the man, Foywonder doesn't sugar-coat his interview and throw Boll softball questions. He's not blatantly an asshole, like I would probably be, but he's very sly with his jabs, which makes a fun interview.
READ THE FOYWONDER'S INTERVIEW WITH UWE BOLL HERE!!!
To finish this off, I'd like to bring up something Boll announced. He thought I would have a heart attack if he announced he was directing SCHINDLER'S LIST 2. I don't know why he thought that because in actuality I believe there is only one filmmaker whose sequel to SCHINDLER'S LIST I want to see realized and that is Dr. Uwe Boll. That would be hands down the most amazing film experience of my life, so if he wants to go for it, he has my full support. Too bad he's busy with all the low-rent video game titles since no one is stupid enough to give him a real title after the ear-shattering belly flop of HOUSE OF THE DEAD... Maybe some day.
-Quint, Dr. Boll's #1 Fan!
