We knew what to expect from ANACONDAS, but DARK WATER stinks as well'

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with some rather disappointing reviews... well, more honestly, one disappointing review and one "well, naturally" review. The disappointing review comes from a test screening of the American remake of DARK WATER. The original succeeded on atmosphere, although it's not my favorite of the Asian slew of horror flicks around that time. It wasn't terribly scary, but moody as all hell. I love the cast of the remake... Jennifer Connelly and John C. Reilly's involvement had me anticipating this film. Hopefully, the powers that be fine tune it if the below review is accurate. The other review is for ANACONDAS, which naturally is supposed to suck... but I'll talk about that one below the DARK WATER review. See ya' on the bottom!

Hello Harry. I attended a screening of DARK WATER in Los Angeles a few weeks ago and have yet to see a review materialize. So I thought I’d drop you guys a line and let you in on what I saw and what I thought about it.

Please be advised that this is a review of a test screening of the film. The audience was told that this was the first screening of the film to the general public and that it is a work in progress. The film was screened on August 2, 2004 in Los Angeles.

Given that the audience was told that this was the first screening of the film to the general public, I'm pretty sure they'll be changing stuff around before its release. From what I've read, the movie won't be released until early 2005. I didn't compare the Japanese version with this remake because I have yet to see the original (gasp!). But I will have to find it and see it now that I've seen this screening of a remake. I have heard nothing but great things about the original. Anyway, what you're getting with my review is my thoughts on the movie without having had the opportunity to see the original. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a 3. The acting is what saves it from my giving it a zero. The script and directing left much to be desired. There are too many unanswered questions and story threads left hanging and unexplored. And the ending was really ambiguous as well as out of left field. The ending wasn't set up well so it didn't make a whole lot of sense. There was lots of potential with what was established, but the ball was dropped. And it takes a long time to get going. The first half drags. But, like I said, the audience was told that it was the very first screening ever to the general public and that it is a work in progress. The film didn't even have the titles or credits yet. It ran about an hour and 45 minutes.

The story in a nutshell: In the midst of a child custody dispute, Dahlia (Jennifer Connelly) and her young daughter, Ceci (Ariel Gade), move into an old apartment building, where they soon discover that the ghost of a scared and lonely little girl is haunting the premises. Dahlia has a persistent leak on the ceiling inside the apartment she has just moved into. After repeated complaints to her sleazy and apathetic landlord (John C. Reilly), and the shady maintenance man (Pete Postlewaite), she begins to investigate the source of the leak on her own. Plagued by unresolved issues from her own childhood, lingering litigation, fear of an uncertain future, and the questionable mental health of her daughter, Dahlia’s well being is spiraling downward and she suspects that she is the object of a conspiracy concocted to drive her to the brink of insanity. As Dahlia’s investigation deepens, she soon discovers secrets revolving around a former tenant, a little girl named Natasha (Perla! Haney-Jardine). As Dahlia struggles with strenuous personal issues, she discovers the tragic fate of Natasha, and battles to protect the life of her daughter.

The many roads paved by Dark Water, regrettably, lead to nowhere. Many threads and ideas are introduced into the narrative, only to be tossed by the wayside. The dynamics between the characters are left uncharted, resulting in under developed relations, and a lack of tension and suspense. Although the actors give it their all, the well-delivered performances cannot keep the proceedings afloat. The story meanders and plods. The film leaves many unanswered questions. Many aspects of the story are left unexplored, such as Dahlia’s troubled relationship with her mother and husband, and the particulars behind Natasha’s tragic background. Not much is done with the conspiracy component of the story, a component that would have brought much needed tension and suspense. The scares are also next to nil as the film plods forward to its inexplicable end. Overall, it’s an under-whelming effort, lacking in suspense and scares.

If you use this, call me morphous12.

ANACONDAS was the only movie presentation I saw at Comic-Con that got Boo-ed, and I saw some cheesy stuff. I was hoping this movie would turn into a guilty pleasure like the original or at least have a character on the same super-creepy level as John Voight's character in the original... I mean, how hard is it to get Scary Busey? Scary Busey vs. giant CG snakes? Whoever makes that movie, I want a cut! It's my brilliant idea!!! Anyway, the below review is short and sweet. Enjoy!