Hey @$$holes, Village Idiot here.
Lately there have been some gripes in the Talkbacks about the timeliness of our reviews.
We at @$$hole Comic Reviews are sensitive to your concerns, and we realize that keeping our readers happy is the cornerstone of a successful column.
Unfortunately, we're also really really lazy. I mean really lazy. Right now, I'm still wearing my bathrobe.
So in order to achieve a careful balance between meeting the needs of you, the AICN reader, and maintaining our own shameful level of sloth, we've combined this week's column with a bit of the old and the new. In addition to comics from past weeks, like CATWOMAN, we also have more recent reviews, like JLA. AICN's Vroom Socko even offers his views on a book that hasn't officially come out yet, AVENGERS #500.
So sit back and enjoy reading our mix of reviews both fresh and seasoned. Meanwhile, I'll be in the other room taking a nap.
Oh and by the way, our covers are now enlargable. Click away!
(Click title to go directly to the review)
MARVEL KNIGHTS: SPIDER-MAN #4
CATWOMAN #32
JLA #100
ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #7 & 8
Buzz Maverik's Book Review: THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL
THE HEDGE KNIGHT (TPB)
AVENGERS #500 PREVIEW
THE ESSENTIAL PUNISHER VOL. 1
Cheap Shots!
MARVEL KNIGHTS: SPIDER-MAN #4
Mark Millar: Writer
Terry & Rachel Dodson: Artists
Marvel Comics: Publisher
Vroom Socko: About to get hate mail.
For whatever reason, I haven't been picking up this book. I'd flipped through the first issue, but parts two and three I missed completely. This isn't out of any dislike for Mark Millar, who, when he's on his game, can be one of the more intriguing writers out there, (even if some of my fellow @$$holes say otherwise). It's just that this book, one of the hottest at Marvel right now, sold too fast for me to grab any copies. So when I was given the opportunity to read issue four, I jumped at the chance.
Unfortunately, what I read turned out to be the worst Spider-Man comic I've seen in my life.
You could describe what happens here in under three sentences: The Vulture kidnaps Spidey from a hospital. Black Cat saves Spidey. Then there's a twist at the end. That's all that happens in 22 pages. That, and there's some of the Dodson's traditional soft-core shots of the Black Cat.
What sucks is that the brawl in this issue might have been good, if there had been a reason to care about it. All the characters Millar writes are one-dimensional puppets, with no more substance to them than one of my farts. The worst is the Vulture, who Millar tries to make two-dimensional and fails. He's taken this bird-brained old thief and turned him into a homicidal maniac, then tries to make us feel sorry for him because his grandson is dying of leukemia. The Black Cat doesn't fare much better, as she comes out of fucking nowhere to wail on the old bird. It's later implied that she's actually working for the Owl, and it seems we're supposed to wonder about her loyalties. I'm only wondering where her personality went.
But what about Spider-Man? What does he do here? Well, at the start he lies in a hospital bed. Then the Vulture grabs him and flies around the city. Then he's dropped, only to be caught by the Cat, who drops him again. That's it. The poor bastard might as well have Samsonite tattooed on his forehead, since he's been reduced to nothing but baggage, and in his own title no less.
There's two more elements of this book that need mentioning. The first is a brief torture scene involving Electro, which has all the maturity and entertainment value of watching a five year old burn ants with a magnifying glass. The second involves two of the oldest members of Spidey's supporting cast discovering his identity. I'm not going to say whom, although you could probably guess. In any case, their reaction to learning that Peter Parker (someone they've known for years,) is Spider-man is the same as the rest of the book, one-dimensional stupidity. I've seen issues of WHAT IF? where these two had more realistic reactions to this news. It's the lowest point in the book, and in a book like this one, that's saying something.
(With apologies to Roger Ebert,) I hated this book. Hated, hated, hated this book. Hated it. Hated every panel of it. Hated the rampant immaturity that attempts to pass itself off as adult sensibilities. Hated every simpering moment that insults the written legacy of Spider-man. Hated the mind numbing stupidity of its "characters." Hated Marvel for allowing this dreck to even be published.
If you've got the $2.99 to pay for this comic, I advise you delve into the back bins at your comic shop instead. You're bound to find a much better Spider-Man story in there. Something like Maximum Clonage, perhaps.
CATWOMAN #32
Writer: Ed Brubaker
Artist: Sean Phillips
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
Because Ed Brubaker is one of the most gifted, under-read writers in the four-color biz these days, I would like nothing better than to be able to throw my total support behind this book. The last storyline or two on CATWOMAN may have floundered a bit, but this latest issue is as strong as any he's produced. So strong that it immediately reversed the notion I'd been dabbling with of dropping the title!
And yet I can't wholeheartedly get behind CATWOMAN. If anything, the great moments in the issue (character scenes, the lot of 'em) underscore to the nth degree my wish to see Brubaker leave the superhero genre behind to return to what he does best: pure crime stories bolstered by intimate character studies.
He opens the story with two of the series' strongest characters: Catwoman's best friend, Holly, and Holly's girlfriend, Karon. Karon's really just a supporting character, but there's an honesty to her relationship with Holly that elevates just about every issue that puts the two "on screen" together. They argue about Catwoman's recent absence from Gotham City and the risks Holly took while she was gone - all well and good - but I couldn't help but wish they were talking about...anything else. These are good characters that I see as wasted operating on the periphery of Catwoman's adventuring in Gotham's East End. Adventuring that, I regret to say, brings out a few of Brubaker's weaknesses. He's phenomenal on straight-up crime comics (SCENE OF THE CRIME, THE FALL) and very good when he can cut loose on R-rated pulp noir (SLEEPER), but in the PG-13 realm of CATWOMAN, his stuff either feels conventional or, when he pushes it, excessive (i.e. the Black Mask torture scene).
Net effect: I end up merely tolerating the action sequences and major plots while anxiously awaiting the "down time" sequences.
Of which there are, happily, a number this issue.
The first person Catwoman bumps into on her return to Gotham is on-again-off-again boyfriend, Batman. Theirs has typically been one of the stalest of relationships in comicdom ("Why can't we together?" "The mission comes first!" Repeat ad nauseum.), but Brubaker fires it up again by daring to *gasp* humanize Batman a bit! Batman confesses to Catwoman that he tore Gotham apart looking for her, adding with an endearing smile, "You won't be very popular in the criminal underground for a few months I'm afraid."
"Ha... that's okay," she grins back. "Sorry you went through all that for nothing."
Batman: "It wasn't for nothing."
It sure wasn't. Because then the two of them actually go on a date, and guess what doesn't happen? Cut-rate villain Zeiss doesn't show up. Neither does the Joker. No earthquakes devastate Gotham and there are no multi-part crossovers. Instead the two of them have a great, if occasionally awkward night, head back to her apartment, drink coffee, talk jazz, and make love.
And the Joker still doesn't show up! Madness! No, wait...
Greatness?
That or something very close to it.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a writer drop Batman's hardass routine. It's become so defining over the last decade that readers can hardly be blamed for forgetting that there was a time when, outside of his crime-smashing, he was characterized as likeable, even warm. Request to DC: please give us more of this Batman. I thought this was the direction he'd be going after he came to his senses following the "Bruce Wayne: Murderer" story, but Brubaker is really the first writer I've seen playing up his ability to lose the morose exterior.
And there are still some great moments to come in the issue, what with Holly slyly diverting Slam Bradley from paying Selina a visit while she's in flagrante delicto. Even the art's a welcome change, with Brubaker's SLEEPER collaborator Sean Phillips stepping in to guest-pencil the issue in Paul Gulacy's stead. Many fans of this book seem to've recognized that Gulacy's sexy '70s style just doesn't fit a book whose visuals were founded on anime noir. I've tried to remain open to his stuff, but when you see how much better Phillips' moody art suits the book than Gulacy's, there's little question the series needs to return to its visual roots.
And yet I'd almost prefer it fade away at this point, leaving Brubaker free to work his magic on more reality-based crime comics. Selfish of me? Sure. Absolutely. Brubaker deserves all the success and wealth and recognition he gets - more than he gets, actually - but in the end, I can only speak to what I want from him. See, I just know the Joker or Zeiss or an earthquake will attack next issue and I'll have to go back to waiting for the characters to talk again, and I don't want to do that waiting anymore.
But credit where due: a great issue and a great jumping-on point for interested parties.
JLA #100
Written by Joe Kelly
Pencils by Tom Mahnke
Inked by Tom Nguyen
Publsihed by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
Say what you want about the relative merits of Joe Kelly's JLA run compared to Grant Morrison's, during his 29 issues (#61-90), Kelly got a lot of work done:
- He brought back Aquaman.
- He introduced a DC Universe version of the SUPERFRIENDS' Apache Chief.
- He made Major Disaster into a good guy.
- He made a character from scratch named Faith.
- He killed the White Martians.
- He created a team of ancient superheroes.
- He created a JLA backup team.
- He recreated Axis Amerika.
- He killed the entire JLA (and brought them back).
- He managed to devote an issue to Superman pondering Iraq.
- He made strides towards a Batman/Wonder Woman romance.
As lists of accomplishments go, it's a bit of a mixed bag (did the world really need Faith?), but you have to admire the volume.
The rest of the series was a bit of a mixed bag as well. As I've said in past reviews, Kelly's plots were generally good, but often the plotting left a little to be desired: cryptic often became obtuse. The characterization was generally okay, but a weird note would be hit from time to time, like when Green Lantern called The Flash his "best friend." (Huh?) Meanwhile, Doug Mahnke and Tom Nguyen produced some consistently striking art, but they weren't on every issue.
Like I said, a mixed bag. But a lot of stuff happened.
So now, after having our palate cleansed by arcs from Denny O'Neill and John Byrne, Kelly and his crew have returned for one-shot JLA #100. And in keeping with the overview I described above, JLA #100 is, you guessed it, a mixed bag. And a lot of stuff happens.
JLA #100 begins with various catastrophic attacks on the world's infrastructure. The apparent cause of the attacks? A newly reformed Elite, the superhero team Superman fought back in ACTION #775. Only now, instead of being led by the snarky Englishman Manchester Black (who committed suicide back in ACTION #796), it's led by his pissed-off sister, the snarky Englishwoman Sister Superior, who's bent on world domination. After a long and intense fight, the remaining members of the JLA earnestly appeal to the UN to amass a worldwide army, as the only way to stop the new Elite. All the nations of the world agree to put aside their squabbles to help the JLA. But is it too late?
Things happen on a pretty large scale in the story, and they happen real fast. No decompression here. A global crisis is created and the entire world is mobilized to deal with it in the span of an issue. On one hand, I appreciate the almost Silver Age-like pacing for the sustained energy level and breeziness; on the other hand, going so fast makes what could have been a more powerful story feel a little slight.
But I think the biggest problem with JLA #100 is the guffaw-inducing climax. Simply put, the big reveal was so corny, it made it incredibly hard to take the story seriously at all. For more detail, we shall now hide behind the shroud of Inviso-Text technology!
The real "enemy" in the story is The Planet Earth. That's right, the physical planet. Apparently, Earth is so upset about world discord that she starts attacking the infrastructure. Like with the alien invaders in WATCHMEN, The Elite is just a ruse to unite the world and pacify the angry Mother Earth. In the end of the story, when the world unites to take down The Elite, the ground swells up in the shape of a giant earthen nature woman (who kinda looked like Poison Ivy, come to think of it), and tells everybody that all is forgiven.
Now you know, superhero comics may not be the most realistic form of entertainment you can think of, but there has to be some rules in order to maintain at least a shred of believability. To introduce the idea that the planet Earth is a conscious entity, that it presumably always has been, and perhaps always will be (but let's face it: this idea will never be revisited again) - this strains credibility past the breaking point. I immediately think of all the instances in the past, story after story, where a concious Earth should have made an appearance - including the Earth-centric stories in Kelly's own JLA run.
On the other hand, if anyone ever does bring back The Planet Earth as a character, they should at least invite it to be a member of the JLA. That's a player you want on your team.
Mahnke and Nguyen's art is solid as usual. During the extended fight between the JLA and The Elite, Mahnke's characters look as solid as granite, and when they clash, impact is nearly palpable. The lines are so bold, the book feels heavy; the characters aren't so much drawn as they are chiseled. I can understand how this kind of art may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I've always felt it worked well with the JLA (and Superman), and I think it worked in JLA #100.
So again, JLA #100 was a mixed bag of an issue, consistent with the creative team's prior JLA run. Some good stuff, some not so good stuff. In addition to being one of those numerical milestone issues, JLA #100 is also a springboard for the new JLELITE series, produced by the same Kelly/Mahnke/Nguyen team. Here's hoping they can bump the average even higher with the spin-off.
ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #7 & 8
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Stuart Immonen
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
You wouldn't know it to look at my recent reviews, but I've enjoyed every book in the ULTIMATE line at one point or another. Crazy, huh? And even though I've soured on the very concept of the line, I can still recognize when it makes for some good readin'. ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN? Just came off of some excellent issues. ULTIMATE X-MEN? Hit-and-miss, but both Bendis and Vaughan have made for a welcome change from Millar for me.
And ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR?
Not much love from me early on. Thought it had a strong, if sedate, opening issue, but Bendis's "talking heads" approach and Adam Kubert's decidedly underwhelming art made it a struggle to get through that first arc. FF art should never, and I mean never, be something you have to slog through.
So now we've got notorious crank and sci-fi fetishist Warren Ellis on the book. This guy hates superheroes. Feels a need to box 'em up in reality-based sci-fi concepts when he approaches 'em. The artist is Stuart Immonen, brandishing a more confident, realistic style than Kubert, but like Ellis, his style's rooted in realism – how well does that work for an out-there team like the FF?
Ladies and gentlemen, up is down, black is white, and we're through the looking glass, because for some screwy reason or another, I am digging the hell out of what these guys have to offer. Let's try and puzzle this baby out!
The focus of Ellis's first two issues has been on the rising threat of "Ultimate" Dr. Doom, but what surprised and hooked me in Ellis's opener was actually the warm-hearted characterizations of Reed and Sue. Warm-hearted? From Warren Ellis?! Yep. How else to characterize Sue Storm luring Ultimate Teen-Aged Reed Richards into some tests of his physiology with promises of making out afterwards? Sure, Ellis moves into Michael Crichton territory when Sue explains that in place of internal organs, Reed now has a "pliable bacterial stack" that "reacts with the air you breathe in to pour a rich supply of nutrients into your bloodstream," but the informed techno-babble doesn't mean that it's not a tender scene. At its heart, it's about Reed being as freaked out about what his powers have done to his body as Ben Grimm usually is ("It's too much, Sue. It's too weird."), and her love keeping him on a steady keel. What can I say? It's different, but it is vintage FF.
Juxtaposed with this we have flashbacks to Doom's less-than-tender childhood. 'Scuse me – to Victor Van Damme's less-than-tender childhood. Yes, it's still a silly name, but Ellis has found a way to invest it with some Old World European class such that I'm at least not thinking of BLOODSPORT and LIONHEART when I hear it. Ellis gives Van Damme a bloodline that goes back to Vlad Tepes, Romanian warlord of the 15th century, impaler of his foes, and source of the "Dracula" legend.
"Vlad Dracula was ten when he we inducted, by his own father, into the Order of the Dragon," Van Damme's father tells the boy in a flashback sequence to Van Damme's own tenth birthday. Papa Van Damme ingrains in the kid that great men place no moral limits on themselves, then trains him to recite his entire lineage, giving him the back of his hand when he stumbles. The scene very much worked for me. The Dracula lineage simultaneously bolsters Van Damme's European background, his ties to mysticism, and his traditionally melodramatic villainy which would otherwise seem to have little place in the grounded ULTIMATE setting.
In the fantastic soliloquy that closes out issue seven, Van Damme rants to himself about the grandeur of his instinctual methods over Reed Richards' textbook ideology:
"Modern science comes from Descartes, who said that the conquest of nature is achieved through measurement and number. Do you know how he came to that realization? He had a psychedelic experience with mushrooms in which an angel told him this was so. Your precious reason is all based on a hallucination."
At the risk of supporting over-rationalization and explanation of superheroes and supervillains...that's some pretty entertaining stuff!
But what's with the cloven-hooved, retrograde legs Van Damme's sporting in ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #8? No clue. Some Negative Zone side effect no doubt. But Van Damme's father did note that "Dracula means 'son of the Devil,'" and goat-like legs are common in depictions of the ol' Prince of Darkness. I like it. It's a ballsy literalization of evil, but I'm glad there's still a place for such stuff in a modernized telling. I also like Van Damme's recruitment of slumming twentysomethings in the "freezone" of Copenhagen, Denmark, a real-world area that amounts to a Bohemian flophouse. These are his 21st century loyalists it seems, not struggling Latverians. Hope those neck tattoos he's giving the twentysomethings aren't quite so passé as to contain nanotechnology, but Ellis is the guy who might be able to pull that off.
And again, amidst all the reality-based intrigues and sci-fi high concepts, some great, classic FF character moments, especially from Ben Grimm. When he learns he's forbidden to leave the Baxter Building by the military personal stationed there, he barks to one of them, "Hey. Soldier boy. I put the smackdown on a frickin' sea monster. What YOU got?" As with Bendis's ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, I have a hard time getting worked up over the modernist revisions when the characters are so there. And, hey, we even get Ellis's first action sequence in this issue, a suitably imaginative opening volley from Van Damme featuring miniaturized robots resembling insects. It's not exactly the hoo-ha action of Lee/Kirby, but like Grant Morrison's NEW X-MEN, it strikes me as a workable 21st century update.
Having been sucked in by the characters and science, I looked to the art for the make-or-break point. Immonen won me over. Good riddance to Bendis's cramped, claustrophobic panels – the FF need some room to breathe, don't ya know, and Immonen gives it to 'em! His style here isn't so tight or as shadowed as his recent career highlight stuff on SUPERMAN: SECRET IDENTITY, but it fits the book and that's what's important. The SECRET IDENTITY stuff would've been too dark for the FF. Instead he's working a detailed, slightly European angle, leaving lots of room for colorist supreme Dave Stewart to punch up the visuals with vibrant hues that are more than a touch Euro-style themselves. Remember how Paul Smith's art looked so beautiful and real on the grim 'n' gritty GOLDEN AGE miniseries, but fans have always been just as enamored of his clean-line work on UNCANNY X-MEN in the '80s? Immonen's got that same talent.
And I've got a dilemma. Dammit, I was trying to put these ULTIMATE books behinds me!
Full preview of ULTIMATE FF #7 available here.
THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL
by Baroness Orczy
Published by Signet Classic
A Buzz Maverik's Book Club Special Selection
(special thanks to Vroom Socko for research assistance)
Hank Scorpio: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country? Italy or France?
Homer: France.
(Scorpio adjusts a giant laser cannon pointing towards the sky)
Hank Scorpio: Heh, heh, heh. Nobody ever says Italy...
-THE SIMPSONS, from the episode "You Only Move Twice"
The most important thing to know about the Scarlet Pimpernel, the hero of a series of swashbuckling adventure novels from 1905 to 1940, is that, like all good hearted people, he was an enemy of the French.
I know what you're saying. You're saying, "That's enough for me, Buzz! I'm reading this right now!"
But there's more, especially for comic book fans. The Pimpernel -- named after a small, star shaped flower that was his insignia and not after a pimp with V.D. as many people think -- was a prototype for Batman, Zorro and James Bond. To London society and his own wife the lovely Lady Marguerite Blakeney, Sir Percy was the richest, foppish dandy of 1792. To those horny, DANGEROUS LIAISONS type French aristocrats, he was the bold Scarlet Pimpernel, a master planner who rescued them from the guillotine during the French Revolution.
You can see the parallels, with the rich playboys (Bruce Wayne, Don Diego) and their cool, tough alter-egos (Batman, Zorro). That's why I feel a little sorry for Russell Thorndyke's character The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh. Instead of a rich guy with fine clothes and all those babes and their cleavage, the Scarecrow had to be meek country vicar the Reverend Doctor Christopher Syn by day.
Let's address a little hypocrisy, while we're at it. The Pimpernel is an enemy of France, yet his wife -- through whose eyes we see the story -- is a former French actress who was the toast of the Paris stage. And for that matter, when we finally get ready to nuke France, how many of you are going to attempt last minute rescues of Juliet Binoche. Then there's poor Johnny Depp, enslaved by a beautiful French actress/singer.
Yes, the French have been using their finest women against us for centuries now!
THE HEDGE KNIGHT (TPB)
Original writer: George R.R. Martin
Adapted for comics by: Ben Avery
Artist: Mike S. Miller
Publisher: Devil's Due Publishing
Reviewed by Cormorant
Folks, I know of the temptation to skip reviews of books you don't already know, so let me say this right up front to get your attention:
HEDGE KNIGHT IS ONE OF THE BEST GRAPHIC NOVELS OF THE YEAR.
It's a fantasy yarn, but neither a LORD OF THE RINGS knock-off nor a page from – how to put this? – the more "girly" fantasy series like ELFQUEST. And I love LORD OF THE RINGS. Love ELFQUEST too. But this book finds its own voice and it's decidedly dark, decidedly "real-world medieval", and decidedly has no elves, goblins, or magic potions. It begins with a premise that may sound familiar...
Okay, remember that popcorn flick from a few years ago, A KNIGHT'S TALE? Cute, upbeat medieval tale with hunky Heath Ledger defeating sneering villains in a jousting tournament? Anachronistic stadium rock like Queen's "We Will Rock You" playing in the background? Okay, well take that same premise – daring young squire finagles his way into a jousting tournament – but instead of teen love and saucy princesses and training sequences to the tune of War's "Lowrider", howsabout dark intrigues, finger-breakings, and horses pierced though the neck by lances?
Keep reading.
Adapted from a novella by fantasy author George R.R. Martin ("A Song of Ice and Fire"), HEDGE KNIGHT is the story of a tall, good-hearted young squire with the unlikely name of "Dunk." He's not the sharpest sword in the scabbard and all he knows of life is based on his servitude to an unmemorable but truly chivalrous old Hedge Knight (a Hedge Knight's a sort of traveling knight in Martin's world, taking up causes he's drawn to rather than serving a single king). But his master has died, and our tale opens with Dunk digging his grave in the forest where sickness brought the old man down. Even this early in the story, there's some strong dialogue from Dunk, a mixture of earnestness and practicality. As he inters his master's body he takes the old man's sword, justifying it to himself with this explanation: "I'd leave your sword, but it would rust in the ground. The gods will give you a new one I guess." He concludes:
"I wish you didn't die, Ser. You were a true knight and you never beat me when I didn't deserve it... except that one time in Maidenpool. It was the inn boy who ate the widow woman's pie, not me, I told you. It don't matter now."
"The gods keep you, Ser."
It's a touching scene – real, but not trumped up with the artifice of some heroic fantasy. And we quickly move on to Dunk's future prospects, which seem dim. Find another knight to serve? Hope to join a city guard somewhere? Or maybe...well, he does know his way around sword and lance, he does know heraldry (though he can't read or write), and there is a jousting tourney about to begin in a nearby town...
What follow is NOT the story I expect to read. It's not a feel-good tale about a scrappy, true-hearted lad who wins over the crowd and marries the princess. Dunk's true-hearted, sure, and has just enough wit about him to convince some at the fair that he's a knight, but his world is more complex than a movie. Entering a knightly tournament means entering a world of courtly politics, a world ready to chew up and spit out those slow of wit. If that sounds boring, remember the dialogue of creators like Bendis and Gaiman and Vaughan. Dunk's conversations with honorable knights and bastard princes are sharp as a blade. They reflect the very real danger of his gambit and make for some of the most interesting conversations I've read in a comic all year.
And there's mystery – who's the young boy that Dunk (now "Ser Duncan") takes on as squire? Why does he seem to have such a high stake in the tournament?
And there's violence – in a startlingly horrific scene, a cruel prince participating in the tournament deliberately lances the neck of his opponent's horse.
And there's just a touch of chivalrous romance – the pretty girl running the marionette show at the tournament grounds catches Ser Duncan's eye, even as the aforementioned prince decides her stage show is a veiled mockery of his bloodline.
Which is when things get ugly. HEDGE KNIGHT is surprisingly complex, covering more ground than I have room to touch on here, but the incident with the prince and marionette show girl take the story in a truly surprising direction. There's almost the feel of noir fiction by the end, with Ser Duncan caught in a whirlpool of deception and contorted knightly ideals from which there's little hope of escape. There's blood, there's tragedy, and there's one incredibly stirring battle scene. Above all: the specter of honor, real and manipulated.
Hey, I can deal with the fact that fantasy is something of a bastard genre for many of you. Too fruity, too high-minded, too hard to relate to...whatever. But if you've ever been taken in by the great exceptions to the rule – BRAVEHEART, EXACALIBUR, DRAGONSLAYER, LORD OF THE RINGS – know that HEDGE KNIGHT is worthy of your time too. Mike Miller's pencils are human and real. The book's colors bring to life gaudy fairgrounds, rain-swept battlefields, and cloudless, starry nights in the forest. The story is the best surprise comics have delivered all year.
Recommended without reservation.
AVENGERS #500 PREVIEW
Brian Michael Bendis: Writer
David Finch: Artist
Marvel Comics: Publisher
Vroom Socko: Some Assembly Required
Ever since Kurt Busiek left the writing chores on Avengers two years ago, the title has been suffering. Geoff Johns run never managed to live up to its potential, and Chuck Austen delivered a steaming load of his usual mischaracterization, narrative inconsistencies, and lack of logic. But starting on July 28th Marvel's biggest name, Brian Michael Bendis is taking over the flagship team book of the Marvel universe. Of course, if you don't want to wait that long the first half of this double sized issue is available to read online. So how good is this story that's been lauded by those other top writers Mark Millar and Robert Kirkman as one of the best books you'll read all year?
As it turns out, it's not that hot.
Oh don't get me wrong, there's some good stuff here. Finch's art is damn good, easily the best the book's seen since Avengers God George Perez. There's also a great moment featuring Captain America and Jarvis. The rest of the book though… well, it's nothing but a whole lot of "been there, done that."
First off, there's the dead Avenger returning, apparently as some sort of zombie, to attack the team. This idea was, of course, first seen in #131, when Wonder Man appeared as a member of the Legion of the Unliving, and was seen again as recently as issue #10 of Busiek's run. Next thing you know, the Vision turns on the team. Naturally, in his first appearance in #57, he was created to destroy the team, but the idea of him turning on his friends has been revisited previously in #362. Of course, there is a bit of a twist here; The Vision is accompanied by an army of Ultrons, an idea we last saw to great effect in the Busiek-scribed issue #22. All this activity, of course, turns the Mansion into little more than a pile of rubble, something that both Roger Stern and Bob Harris have done. Meanwhile, at a conference at the United Nations, it seems that Iron Man's behavior is becoming erratic. Again. After Demon in a Bottle, Armor Wars, The Crossing, and The Mask in the Iron Man, you'd have thought we'd seen this sort of thing enough times.
That's the thing about this preview; everything here has been done before, and frankly it's been done better. Of course, it's never happened all at once like this, with apparent multiple attacks from multiple aggressors. But that only creates another problem. So much is happening here that it overwhelms your brain. I had to backtrack at least three times because I was positive I'd somehow missed a page somewhere. It'd be easy to blame this on the incomplete nature of this preview, but somehow I don't think that's the case.
I don't know. Maybe it's a matter of unrealistic expectations, but what I've seen just doesn't work for me. Perhaps when I have the issue in its entirety in my hands, I'll think different, but I doubt it. I still plan to buy the entire arc, but my expectations are now substantially lower. Honestly, when the only good thing you can say about a Bendis comic is that it's an improvement over Chuck Austen, you have to admit there's something seriously wrong here.
THE ESSENTIAL PUNISHER VOL. 1
Written by Gerry Conway, Archie Goodwin, Len Wein, Mike W. Barr, Marv Wolfman, Dennis O'Neil, Frank Miller, Roger McKenzie, Bill Mantlo, Steven Grant, Jo Duffy
Art by Ross Andru, Tony DeZuniga, Frank Springer, Keith Pollard, Frank Miller, Al Milgrom, Greg Larocque, Mike Zeck, Mike Vosburg, John Beatty
Published by Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
We comic book fans are not as manly as we once were.
Before the 1990s, an unwritten FIGHT CLUBish rule existed: YOU DID NOT TALK ABOUT COMIC BOOKS!
Comics sold in bigger numbers in those days and not just to kids. A great many of the comics were secretly darker, grimmer and more violent (maybe not as gory) as today's comics. Some were even sexier. How'd they get away with it? Simple: YOU DID NOT TALK ABOUT COMIC BOOKS!
When you bought or shoplifted your comics, the convenience store clerk was either some guy who had to stay employed as a condition of his parole, or some woman with 83 kids who did not want to be deported. Like they gave a shit about comics. Like you wanted to talk to them about comics anyway.
Today, we have
AICN's @$$holes Comic Reviews where we do nothing BUT TALK ABOUT COMIC BOOKS! Yes, the very fact that I'm writing this review makes me less manly. The fact that you're reading it and may post about SOMETHING here, makes you less manly. The more we talk about anything, the less manly we become. Anything. Even sports, sex or comics. Even about PUNISHER comics, even if we use naughty words in our posts. The most we can pull off is . . . boyish.
Nobody is going to admit that reading the current PUNISHER and writing the F-word in our posts makes them feel more manly. Instead, we try to come off as intellectual and if we're lucky we reach pseudo-intellectual status.
"These comics are mature/intelligent/adult/realistic."
Yesterday, somebody told me Ennis' PUNISHER was existential. Naw, it may be fun or cool but it's not "existential." I told 'em if they wanted existential they needed to be reading THE METAMORPHOSIS; THE TRIAL; and THE CASTLE by Kafka. They told me AUTOMATIC KAFKA sucked. Being me, I had to disagree.
I feel that a great deal of modern comics, THE PUNISHER, included, that get the adult/mature/realistic label are the graphic equivalent of heavy metal music and their fans are comic book headbangers. This isn't a bad thing. I like headbangers and good heavy metal will always be cool. (Yes, I'm aware that this is the 23rd Century and there's hip-hop. Hey, I roomed with Tupac Shakur at Yale -- we knew him as Deuce Pacwood II then. East Coast rappers my tattooed white ass! It was the Skull & Bones Club that got him! You will be avenged, Paccie, you will be a-venged!). The music and the comics aren't stupid. Talking about them is. Reading the comics won't really make you seem tough, girls, and defending them really won't help with that either.
The Punisher is a great character if you don't talk about him. This collection, THE ESSENTIAL PUNISHER VOL. 1, collects all of Frank Castle's appearances prior to the debut of his first mid-1980s regular solo title. As my colleague, Jon Quixote, observed about Spider-Man in the @$$mazing Spider-Man column, the Punisher is particularly interesting as a supporting character or antagonist (but never an outright villain, except maybe in the CAPTAIN AMERICA story in this volume).
Writer Gerry Conway and artist Ross Andru created the Punisher in the often reprinted AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 129. The Punisher, a vigilante, was duped by the villain the Jackal. Everyone thought Spider-Man had murdered Norman Osbourne and the Jackal was offering the Punisher the kind of weaponry to take out a super-powered menace. A cool story, marred only by the Punisher's explanation of his abilities, "I spent three years in the Marines." Hey, so did my uncle, Bud Maverik, but I don't think he could take on Spider-Man.
The Punisher's first half-dozen appearances in AMAZING fleshed out the character. He would turn himself in if he harmed an innocent. He wouldn't kill cops and would offer minimum-to-no resistance if arrested. He had an archenemy named Jigsaw, a gangster whom he'd tossed through a plate glass window. It wasn't completely ridiculous to see him meeting up with Marvel Universe heroes and villains like Nightcrawler and the Tarantula.
But it was in the Punisher's few appearances in Marvel's black and white magazines where the character's potential was first realized. The black and whites had all the realism, grimness and grit that everyone TALKS &TALKS &TALKS about today and they were almost a secret. I was a kid when they were published. I started reading AMAZING after the first couple of Punisher stories so I'd never seen the character. The black and whites didn't interest me much. They were in the magazine rack of the Circle K/Stop'n'Go/7-11, well removed from the Marvel Comics I was zombie over. Adults read the black and whites! Cool guys like ex-cons and bikers and truckers and the guy up the street with Frazetta's Frost Giants painted on the side of his van. The kind of guys who would NEVER UTTER A WORD ABOUT COMICS!
Here in this volume, we get to see those great, tough crime stories. Without fanfare. Without justification or intellectualization. Just Tony DeZuniga's cool art and some fine writing!
Honorable mention should go to a young Frank Miller who did the art, and possibly the plot, for a killer AMAZING SPIDER-MAN annual that pitted Punny, Spidey and Doc Ock against each other. Everything about that story is great and it makes you remember how Frank Miller became FRANK FRIKKIN' MILLER! Miller's Punisher storyline in DAREDEVIL is included, with his incredible artwork. This was the first story Miller wrote for DAREDEVIL but it was published deep into his run because of the drug theme, a no-no in comics at the time. By the time it was published, Miller had the clout.
The final stories are the awesome mini-series by Steven Grant and Mike Zeck, finished by writer Jo Duffy and artists John Beatty and Mike Vosburg. This was a great series in which the Punisher grew as a character without being softened. If anything he was meaner and smarter at the end, but able to leave some enemies alive and stem the cycle of violence and revenge. It's not often in a comic book that you see a character learn something without the writer hitting us over the head with it. And it includes an amazing prison story, almost DIE HARD IN A PRISON before there was a DIE HARD. It made me want that movie, with a DIRTY HARRY era Clint Eastwood as the Punisher ... never Dolph Lundgren or the new guy, whatever he calls himself.
I want an ESSENTIAL PUNISHER VOL. 2 with the regular series by Make Barron and Klaus Janson reprinted. You read these, along with contributions by Chuck Dixon, Carl Potts and Steven Grant, and you'll see one of the few depictions of a semi-realistic superhero. You may even say, "Garth and Steve who?"
VOLUME ONE has been out all year. I finally had time to read it. And TALK ABOUT IT, which I shouldn't have done.
Cheap Shots!
SLEEPER SEASON TWO #1 - SLEEPER is one of those books you pick up from the shelf of your local comic book store, start reading on your way to the counter, and finish reading before you get home. All last year, we saw Agent Holden Carver flip flop between the side of the angels and the bad guys. The cool twist is that the bad and good guys do the same. Ed Brubaker constructed a beautifully intricate and morally vague epic in the first season of SLEEPER, and if this premiere episode is any indication, we're all in for another fun ride. Holden has shed his loyalties to of the "good guys" at Internal Operations, and sided with the Tao and his "evil" organization. This issue helps reintroduce SLEEPER's cast of shady characters and introduces a brand new twist at the end. The smart story is swimming in moral shades of grey. Sean Phillips art is top notch, but it may not tantalize those who love the flair and fancy. But the hard edged lines match the hard nosed storytelling. Bathed in Nior. Filled with intensity and violence. Comics don't get any better than this. It's an HBO-level series in comic book form. – Ambush Bug
LEGION #34 - As the latest incarnation of THE LEGION OF SUPERHEROES draws to a close, JSA inker Keith Champagne takes a turn as writer for this one-shot about energy-being Legionnaire Wildfire held captive on the anti-matter planet Qward. Wildfire has always been one of the Legionnaires that fascinated me the most, because he's a being of pure energy that chooses to live a pseudo-life in a red Cobra Commander-like containment suit. There's something almost disturbing about the fact that underneath that mirrored face mask, there's nothing there, almost like a ghost. And yet he acts so human. Unfortunately, none of the more haunting aspects of Wildfire really get touched on in the story, even though we are offered another side of Wildfire in the anti-matter univers; another way of looking at him, you might say. It's a nice, if a bit familiar outing that focusses on the Klingon-like culture and generational problems of the Qwardians. This one's probably more for the LEGION fans. - VI
RICHARD DRAGON #2 - Do you all know how much I like the kung fu? We'll I do. I like it a lot. Is this the best book on the shelves? No. Is it saying anything deep and meaningful? No. But with all of the heady, self aware, post-modernist stuff on the shelves today, it's good to see a comic that you can just have fun reading. Chuck Dixon has set up a typical action movie premise: Six disciples of Richard Dragon are going on a warpath and it's up to Dragon and his pal, Bronze Tiger, to take care of them. Plus Lady Shiva and Nightwing are waiting in the shadows to cause trouble for our hero. I've seen better art from Scott McDaniel, but it is still pretty damn good. So pop some popcorn, get ready for mindless violence and check this book out. – Ambush Bug
