Hey folks, Harry here... See, here we go... the first screening of VAN HELSING and the problem is? Tonal inconsistencies. This was evident from the beginning with the script. The big problem is that Universal is selling the film as a serious badass VAN HELSING flick, and what they're going to deliver is Velveeta. I like Velveeta - I prefer European Cheeses, but the plastic in Velveeta makes it look like a prettier grilled cheese sandwich, though I'm not real sure if there's any real cheese in it. That being said, this is early in the process, though not too early... the film is about a month and a half away, and the pacing concerns and tone issues... it might be too much to get a hold of in the spare amount of time left. And I have to say, Flying Vampire Mini-Babies might be the funniest fucked up movie concept of the year. Btw, Robogeek just asked me why they are Flying Vampire Mini-Babies... if they're smaller than regular Flying Vampire Babies... My thoughts... Maybe they are FLYING VAMPIRE FETUSES! THAT WOULD ROCK BALLS!!! Here ya go, minor spoilers follow...
H Harry,
I’m a long time reader, first time contributor. Tonight I attended what we were told was the first-ever test screening for Van Helsing. I must admit that I have been looking forward to this movie for some time, as monsters plus Hugh Jackman equals about as much of a sure-fire hit as you can get….right? Sorry to disappoint, but this one misses the mark. No real need to recap the story (Van Helsing hunting monsters) so here’s a MINOR SPOILER breakdown of what we saw:
A very promising start with a great black & white sequence that introduces Dracula and Frankenstein’s monster.
A fairly good color introduction to the Wolfman and the heroine Anna (Kate Beckinsale).
An acceptable Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) introduction with him dispatching a pretty lame Jekyll/Hyde.
Are you catching the downward trend here? But I digress, we also have:
Van Helsing swinging around on a trapeze above a costume ball, and no I’m not kidding.
Richard Roxburgh as a really good “human” Dracula – as opposed to the CG Dracula which was rather lame.
Evil midget henchmen – almost as retarded as the pygmy mummies in The Mummy Returns.
Cool werewolf transformations – check
Cool design for Frankenstein’s monster - check
Three hot vampire brides - check, check and check
Thousands of flying mini-vampire babies – almost as retarded as the pygmy mummies in The Mummy Returns.
The ending was positively frightful, but unfortunately not the way they wanted. Here’s the MAJOR SPOILER finale:
Frankenstein’s monster swinging on cables around Dracula’s castle for about five minutes.
Anna swinging around on the same cables for a few minutes later – one-handed of course while catching a needle of anti-werewolf juice.
Van Helsing with a mysterious backstory that is never really developed – i.e. Why does he not remember anything from his past? How did he end up at the church that took him in? Apparently Van Helsing knew Dracula back when he was human, does that mean Van Helsing is hundreds of years old too? I just saw the movie yet I have no idea…
Major Spoilers - Highlight To Read! MAJOR SPOILERS!
Van Helsing getting bit by a werewolf and then becoming a werewolf himself – the only real twist in the film.
A truly ridiculous post-transformation nude shot of Van Helsing as he holds his dead sort-of-girlfriend – someone please raise the money to put some CG pants on Hugh.
About five minutes of sappy wrap-up with Van Helsing watching Anna and her dead family happily in heaven amid the clouds – almost as retarded as the pygmy mummies in The Mummy Returns.
To be fair, this was truly a work-in-progress as several major effects sequences were far from finished and the majority of the music was from The Lord of the Rings, so they thankfully still have time to make changes. Still, my advice is to adjust your expectations and you probably won’t get hurt too badly.
If you post this, call me Arizona Jones.
this is all echoed below in this review too...
Hey Harry, Long time reader, well you know the rest. I just got back from seeing a screening of Universal's upcoming Van Helsing at Arizona Mills 24 in Tempe, Az. Oh and Stephen Sommers was in attendance as well.
I do not want to give too much away, so I'll try to give you the jist without spoilers. First off, the movie starts with a cool raiding scene at a castle by local villagers to kill the dreaded Monster created by Dr.Frankenstein, which by the way is an atmospheric black and white sequence. The rest of the film falls apart from there.
For some reason Van Helsing in the film is supposedly linked to Drac's past and the whole motivation by the character is never really revealed. Their is also a subplot with Kate Beckinsale's brother and father that is barely touched upon. Oh and there is a little sidekick by Faramir from LOTR, which was a cross between C-3PO and the monk from the 5th element.
Basically the movie felt choppy and we were told we were the first audience to ever see this movie. I really think Universal could have had a real gem on their hand if they had the right director. I also felt alot of shots were very reminiscent of Harry Potter and LOTR, hell they even used it as a temp track!I didn't buy the characters, the guy who played Drac was like the poor man's Gary Oldman, the plot is soooo convuluted beyond belief and the ending was extremely cheesy to boot!!
Every actor did the best they could do with the material, but in the end the movie just felt like a cool plane ride that never really got off the ground.
If you use this call me Gonickyourself!!!
