Hey folks, Harry here with a genuine super internation mega-god... SGT. KABUKIMAN, NYPD!!! That's right, New York's REAL superhero has sent in a report from TromaDance - the real cool show in Park City. Read what celebrity has been toying with producing a big budget remake of THE TOXIC AVENGER! Find out about the Park City Police and their Troma-Prejudice! There's so much going on here, tons of Indie-film site links and just indie spirit below. Read away...
Greetings, citizens! Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD, here with the story of Tromadance Film Festival 2004.
Ah, Tromadance, the only truly independent film festival in Park City. Also the only free film festival in Park City. Another phrase we volunteers used to promote the festival is: "the best film festival in the world!" Okay, so that last one's not necessarily true, but it is one hell of a good time.
The first night I was in town, the Troma Team crashed the Blender/National Lampoon party at Harry O's. Bokeem Woodbine's band opened for Nelly with Murphy Lee and the St. Lunatics. It was a pretty crappy show, and Nelly proved his lack of showmanship by not giving shots out to myself or the Toxic Avenger, both of whom were clearly visible in the second row. On the other hand, I must say that the rumors you may have read in Lloyd Kaufman's All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger, about we superhuman heroes getting hit on by hot girls, are 100% true.
The next day, Toxie and I went out on the streets of Park City with the other Tromadance volunteers and I got to experience firsthand the legendary unfairness of the Park City Police with regards to the smaller, more independent film festivals (i.e., anything other than Sundance or Slamdance). Within an hour or two of promoting Tromadance in a peaceful, friendly and nonviolent way, we were warned by the police not to hand out fliers, under penalty of arrest and revocation of our festival permit. Meanwhile, Hollywood Reporter magazines were handed out left and right by Sundance volunteers, who went unharassed. Democracy in action! Luckily, we caught it all on video.
We also got some good footage of the Toxic Avenger on his cell phone telling "Geffen to suck my cock!", filmed by a British gent named Tim, whom we told everyone was Danny Boyle as a running joke/publicity stunt. In addition, Troma reportedly asked Guillermo Del Toro, a longtime Troma fan, to be part of our panel discussion but he was, apparently, busy at the time.
On Saturday night, Lloyd Kaufman himself arrived at the Tromadance condominium, which I had previously shared with Tromadance volunteers and staff such as Jonathan Lees, Megan Powers, Chris Lanphear, Daniel Cooper, Justin Remer, Phil Gunn, David Valdez, Dan Gutierrez, Ezra Stead, Jesse Keckler, Purple Pam, Heidi Sjursen, Steven Grainger and Martijn Berndsen, all of whom will be discussed in further detail shortly.
Sunday night was a book signing by Lloyd of his new book, Make Your Own Damn Movie!, attended by Indie Movie director Daniel Cooper, the Toxic Avenger, Purple Pam and myself, at Dolly's Books. Also in attendance, among others, were Spike of Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted Animation Festival, and Steven Grainger, a good friend of Toxie's and director of the upcoming zombie film, Come Get Some (ComeGetSomeTheFilm.Com).
This was followed by a "secret screening" at the Tromadance condo, the unofficial beginning of the Tromadance Film Festival. The screening featured Purple Pam's music video, "Kick In The Head", directed by Lloyd Kaufman; Justin Remer's "In Defense of Lemmings"; the Brookens Bros' "Skunk Ape!?"; Garth Donovan's feature film, Everyone's Got One; Phil Gunn, David Valdez and Dan Gutierrez's "Kung-Fu Kitties: Paws of Fury"; and Ben Bachelder and Ryan T. Young's "Binge".
Purple Pam is a beautiful and talented rock n' roll singer based in New York, who wears all purple from her dreadlocked head to her toes. Her music video, "KICK IN THE HEAD", is a rockin' good time, featuring the Toxic Avenger and traditional Troma-style gore. Find out more at PurplePam.Com.
Justin Remer's "IN DEFENSE OF LEMMINGS" is a very funny short comprised of three loosely related skits, the last of which features Lloyd in an hilarious cameo.
"SKUNK APE!?", winner of Best Short Comedy at the Rt. 66 Film Festival and Best Short Horror-Comedy at Fright-Fest, is a silly and entertaining short about a misunderstood, apelike monster who ritualistically murders a punk rock band. A very funny film directed by Matt Brookens, who attended the screening along with his brother/filmmaking partner. Check out ZabbaZabba.Com for more.
The highlight of the screening was, to me, Garth Donovan's brilliant feature, EVERYONE'S GOT ONE. The title refers to scripts as well as the obvious acronym, and the film, which stars Donovan and features his family in supporting roles, is clearly a labor of love. By turns funny and deeply moving, E.G.O. is a refreshingly original take on themes inspired in part by Martin Scorsese's The King of Comedy. Donovan, who was present at the screening, can be reached for info on the film at okbreathe@hotmail.com.
We then saw "KUNG-FU KITTIES: PAWS OF FURY", a short film that spoofs classic Nintendo games using various animation techniques. The filmmakers, Phil Gunn, David Valdez and Dan Gutierrez, were some of the hardest-working individuals at the condo, and spent several days and nights helping the Troma Team. "Kung-Fu Kitties" enjoyed much audience appreciation that night and also two days later at Brewvies in Salt Lake City, as an official selection. Go to EmptyV.Org to learn more about the kitties.
Just as the screening was about to end, Ben Bachelder, a guy we met at the book signing, got permission from event director Jonathan Lees to show his short film, "BINGE", the comedic tale of a man who chews a blotter of acid and hallucinates a ferret who orders him to go to Utah and convince Mormons to drink with him. The film is very funny and was enjoyed by all. See BakedAlaskaFilms.Com for more.
That night, Tromadance volunteers Jesse Keckler and Ezra Stead were crowned "Kings of the Fliers" for their tireless efforts to promote Tromadance. Visit Jesse's hilarious and informative website at MattNJesse.Tridity.Org. Ezra, an actor, filmmaker and musician, is, in fact, my "roommate" and co-writer of this article; he can be reached at stedrazed333@yahoo.com. Martijn Berndsen, director of the upcoming Naked Killer (a comedy about rape, incest, cannibalism and self-mutilation), was also an important force in Tromadance promotion.
The next day, I tried to promote Tromadance to Sally Field, who gave me the cold shoulder. Likewise, Ashton Kutcher completely ignored me as I shouted advertisements for Tromadance during a televised interview he was doing. I followed these vocal ads with clever comments like, "Dude, I found your car!" and "You got punk'd!", but to no avail. Harry Lennix of the Matrix sequels was more receptive, though he didn't actually show up. Jonathan also talked to Danny DeVito at one point, and Mr. DeVito reportedly says that he has considered a big-budget remake of The Toxic Avenger.
Later that day, we all had the pleasure of meeting Karen Black, a very warm, talented and friendly woman who later joined the "Make Your Own Damn Success!" panel with Lloyd and Napoleon Dynamite producer Chris Wyatt, among others. Ms. Black is reportedly planning a low-budget Trilogy of Terror film to be produced by Lloyd.
In a rather dramatic turn of events, I was threatened with arrest by the Park City Police for helping them out by directing traffic at a busy two-lane street. Apparently, since I am a New York City police officer, I was considered to be out of my jurisdiction, despite my international status as a superhuman hero. Luckily, Ezra (who proved to be one of the most valuable Tromadance volunteers) appeased the police by giving them his name and address. Since he lives in Minnesota, I don't know how much good this did them, but they accused him of impersonating a police officer because he was holding my cape at the time.
Later that night, Ezra was harassed by the police again for putting up fliers while wearing the "Ask Me About Tromadance" sandwich board after midnight. The mean, nasty cops of Park City brutalized him with a plunger and made him turn the sandwich board around to the blank side (the latter is definitely true).
Why was Ezra out promoting so late, you ask? Well, apparently he became very inspired by a screening of ABBY SINGER, the titular film at the brand-new Abby Singer Film Festival. The film, shot for less than $1,500, features cameos by Brad Pitt, Jodie Foster, Roger Ebert, Jake Gyllenhaal, Taye Diggs, Adam Carolla, Patricia Arquette, Jeff Goldblum and many more, in the story of a casting director who decides to kill himself while reminiscing about his experiences at the Sundance Film Festival. Some of the film was also shot at Tromadance 2002, and this footage features Ezra, as well as myself, Toxie, Lloyd, and Mark Borchardt and Mike Schank from American Movie. In addition to being in a movie with so many big celebrities, Ezra reports that he was also inspired by the filmmakers' independent spirit and the film's "never give up" message. Pitt, Ebert and Gyllenhaal are reportedly major supporters of the film, though Robert Redford (who! also has a cameo) and Sally Field, apparently, are not. To learn more about Abby Singer, visit ShineBoxMotionPictures.Com and WemblyHall.Com.
Since I was working so hard doing interviews, etc, with Lloyd, I didn't get to see as many of the Tromadance selections as I would have liked. I did, however, get to meet Chris Gore of FilmThreat (FilmThreat.Com) at a panel discussion, as well as the great Kyle MacLachlan, during an interview he was doing on Main Street to promote his new film Touch of Pink.
I also slipped away from Tromadance briefly to see screenings at Slamdance and the Freedom Film Festival. Here are brief reviews of some of my favorite films from all three festivals:
"FREESTYLE" - a funny and insightful little documentary short about dog shows and the people who love them. Kind of like Best in Show, but for real. (Tromadance)
"BLACK GULTCH" - an ingenious, very well-made short film about a ghost town where the only survivors appear to be Death itself and a cute little kid with strange powers. (Tromadance)
"CHANNELING ALPHONSE" - an hilarious short film in which four innocent Catholic school girls accidentally invoke the spirit of a dead sex offender with ... bizarre results. (Tromadance)
"SUPERHEROES: WE WORK FOR TIPS" - man, I thought this one was staged, but no, it's a real documentary about the people who dress up as superheroes and greet tourists on the streets of Hollywood. The guy who plays Batman is the most depraved and interesting, with Superman as a close second. (Tromadance)
"MONTGOMERY WEST AND THE WINGS OF DEATH" - excellent silent movie spoof about an inept adventurer on the trail of a giant, baby-snatching bird-man who stole his eye as a child. Very funny and well-done. (Tromadance)
"PDA MASSACRE" - that's Public Display of Affection, for those of you who didn't guess. A disturbing but funny tale of a smooch-hating serial killer played by director and former Troma employee Jamie Greco. Also starring Lloyd, Tromeo & Juliet/Terror Firmer's Debbie Rochon, Purple Pam, and another Tromadance condo roommate of mine, Heidi Sjursen, who played Toxie's girlfriend, Sarah, in Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV. (Tromadance)
"DRIBBLE" - this was probably the popular favorite of all the shorts at Tromadance. A film so funny I actually missed chunks of dialogue due to my own uproarious laughter, it is the story of the glory days of an amateur basketball team as told by the team's aged alumni. Directed by Giuseppe Andrews of "Trailer Town" fame. (Tromadance)
"RAPPIN' GRANNY" - the title pretty much says it all. Absolutely ridiculous and very entertaining. (Tromadance)
"HOLLYWOOD OPERATION" - a very well-done commercial spoof based on the traditional board game "Doctor". (Tromadance)
"PORNOGRAPHIC APATHETIC" - this short made the best use imaginable of its total lack of financial resources: four people sit around a table and recite pornographic dialogue in bored monotones ... and it's funny as hell! Visit CaughtEm.Com and DirtyLittleShorts.Com. (Tromadance)
"SCREAM FOR ME"/"MY SKIN" - director Christopher Allen Broadstone is a filmmaker to watch out for; based on these two shorts, I can't wait to see him do a feature. "Scream For Me", winner of Best Short Film at the New York City Horror Film Festival, is a very disturbing film about a young man who seeks the truth of the afterlife in women's screams. It is extremely ugly and extremely beautiful at the same time. "My Skin", my favorite of the two films, is a very creepy rendition of Death, featuring a great performance, beautiful editing and cinematography, and excellent sound design. (Tromadance)
"NECESSARY EVIL" - brilliant editing is the key to this short about the vampirism of Hollywood agents, the "necessary evil" to which the title refers. Directed by Megan Powers, communications coordinater for the festival and longtime sales coordinater for Troma. (Tromadance)
"ENDS OF THE ALPHABET" - a very clever film noir spoof played out by hand puppets; that is, hands with eyes, hats and wigs attached. For more info on this film and director Eric Jon Kurland, check out WorkPrint.Com, Hand-O-Rama.Com and FundMyMovie.Com. (Tromadance)
GREATER SOUTHBRIDGE - I missed most of this documentary about the quirky, offbeat people of Southbridge, Massachusetts, but what I saw was fascinating. Two of the "characters are right out of King of the Hill (Dale and Boomhauer). For more, go to GreaterSouthBridge.Com. (Tromadance)
"THE J2 PROJECT" - a brilliant mockumentary in which Jesus is cloned in the 21st century from DNA found on his bloody sandal. (Tromadance)
"POTATO SAC" - a very funny short about the competition between two male strippers. (Tromadance)
"QUIET" - accurately titled, this is a sensitive and poignant piece about a father and his son that proves that Tromadance does, indeed, screen films without sex or violence. (Tromadance)
"TACKLE BOX" - a beautiful, silent short with a great score and stunning cinematography. The story concerns the legacy of a deceased woman in such a brilliant way that I would hate to spoil it. A shining example of great visual storytelling. Check out TackleboxTheMovie.Com for more. (Slamdance)
"MALAQUEERCHE: QUEER PUNK ROCK SHOW" - a funny exploitation spoof about the rivalry between two queer punk gangs, the Mullets and the Mohawks. The title is a spoof on Gus Van Sant's Mala Noche. (Slamdance)
GRAVEYARD ALIVE: A ZOMBIE NURSE IN LOVE - a very well-done black-and-white feature about, well, a zombie nurse in love. Excellent cinematography and special effects, and a nice, creepy ending. (Slamdance)
INDIE MOVIE - a very bizarre and original feature from Guerilla Films and writer/director Daniel Cooper, a Tromadance volunteer/sponsor who roomed with us throughout the festival. The film is a strange composite of "the best scenes from a movie", and the first act ends with a brilliant, reality-bending surprise. Check out IndieMovie.Net for more info. (Freedom Film Festival)
After this plethora of great movies, Tromadance threw the biggest, baddest party in town, with entertainment provided by the Torture King (a very nice guy who roomed with the Troma Team), formerly of the Jim Rose Circus, who pierced himself through the arms and throat for our amusement. He also swallowed a length of string, then proceeded to surgically remove it from his own midriff. All this was done not five feet away from me onstage, so I can attest to its reality. "Ends of the Alphabet" director Eric Jon Kurland was present throughout the party wth his lead "actor" at the end of his wrist, gettin' down like the rest of us. Me? I spent most of the night on the dance floor, 'cause the ladies just can't get enough of ...
Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD
|
