Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
Looks like Cormorant got a little hiccup in the system this week, and it’s been left to Ambush Bug to get an extra column ready for you. Lots of great stuff this week, and it’s worth just diving in and enjoying.
Hi! You can’t see me, but I’m waving “Hello!” to all of you! Trust me, I am. I’m Ambush Bug from the Talkback League of @$$holes. When Cormorant gets a hangnail or his brain cramps from writing all of those reviews week after week, it is up to me to crack my knobby knuckles and take over the editorial duties here at @-Hole HQ. This week we have more of what you’ve come to expect from our twisted little cadre of comic book reviewers. We have wise-crackery from Vroom Socko focusing on the latest AVENGERS which is the first issue written by this year’s winner of the Ron Zimmerman Crappy Comic Book Writing Award, Chuck “The Schmuck” Austen. Village Idiot strikes back at EMPIRE (ooo, bad one). Sleazy G drools over WONDER WOMAN. And I share my views on the latest Ultimate title, ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR. Plus we’ve got some crevice coming up! Vroom Socko’s Tales from the Crevice, that is! And then I round the column out with a few CHEAP SHOTS. But first, how about a fractured review of THE FLASH and TEEN TITANS from some guy named Ambush Bug?
FLASH #205
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artists: Alberto Dose and Howard Porter & Livesay
Publisher: DC Comics
On the stands: 1/02/04
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
&
TEEN TITANS #6
Writer: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Mike McKone
Inks: Marlo Alquiza
Publisher: DC Comics
On the stands: 12/10/03
Reviewer: Ambush bug
An @$$hole Two-In-One review.
Ambush Bug: Hello. I’m Ambush Bug.
Ambush bug: And I am Ambush bug.
Bug: We’ve decided to join forces today to talk about two books recently written by Geoff Johns: FLASH #205 and TEEN TITANS #6
bug: That’s right.
Bug: For every opinion out there, there is an opposite and these @$$hole Two-In-Ones offer you, the Faithful TalkBackers, a chance to see both sides of the reviewing coin. In the past, we’ve had some heated debates during these @Hole 2-in-1’s, and I expect the same here today. So let’s get started with FLASH #205.
bug: Oh-kay!
Bug: THE FLASH is Geoff Johns’ baby. Since Mark Waid left the title, Johns has taken the Scarlet Speedster by those little wings on his mask and steered him into storytelling greatness. As of issue #200, the world forgot who the Flash was, including Wally West himself. Since then, Wally has slowly been discovering his powers again. At the same time, a mystery has been unfolding. Someone is freezing cops and smashing them into tiny, little ice-cubuoles. Sounds like Flash’s long time nemesis Captain Cold, huh? Yes, it does, but since Leonard Snart AKA Captain Cold has been chatting every night with Wally West in a diner as the crimes are being committed, that bumps him off of the list of suspects.
bug: That’s right. He’s off! Off the list!
Bug: Hold on. You’ll be able to express your opinion about this issue soon enough. Boy o boy, I can’t wait to debate with you on this one. In this issue, in one fell swoop, the Flash’s memory rushes back to him. Wally finds himself in the middle of a mystery that he can’t quite solve, so who makes an appearance? The World’s Greatest Detective, Batman, himself.
bug: Thee Caped Croo-say-dahh!!
Bug: That’s right. So when the Flash disappears, Batman investigates and solves the mystery. Some may think that this is a cop out; plopping in a guest star to solve the mystery, but Johns knows this character well. Deductive skills are not Wally’s forte. If we would’ve had to wait for Wally to catch on, this story would be paced slower than twelve Marvel books. No, having Batman guest star and solve the crime for Wally says a lot about how this character deals with his problems. If the trouble is not head on, Wally has a tough time handling it. Johns knows this and throws Batman in the mix to solve it for him. Wally may be one of the big guns, but he’s not one of those perfect heroes like Superman or Wonder Woman or Batman. Wally has always been a fallible hero; one who often makes mistakes and tries to learn from them. Johns knows this character so well that he knows his limitations. He knows when the mystery is too much for Wally to handle, so he drops Bats in and he solves it in no time flat.
bug: Eeezy-peezy-Portugeezey!
Bug: Hold on. You’ll get your turn. I loved this issue. The pacing was slow there for a bit in the last few issues, but it was reflective of the fact that Wally lost his powers. Now that Wally knows he’s the Flash again, the pace quickens up to light speed. This issue has moments of intrigue. Moments of awakening and discovery. Moments of powerful feeling and emotion. Moments of mystery and drama. And moments of sheer fanboy coolness. From the dialog (Wally’s slow remembrances of the alter egos of the Justice League), to the characterization (Batman’s discomfort and avarice towards Hal Jordan for playing God once again. Loved it!!!), to the pacing (Take the scene where Wally and Linda talk about telling the truth to Linda’s parents concerning the death of their child. All the while, Wally is holding back the truth from Linda that he is the Flash and the inadvertent cause of their child’s death. The scene is beautifully spaced out with conversations and silences), this issue is just about the best damn FLASH issue that Johns has ever done. Even the art (which I’ve had problems with in the past), was absolutely beautiful. And how about the flashback page drawn by Howard Porter and Livesay. Gorgeous! A wonderfully powerful issue in a stupendously powerful run!
bug: I totally and utterly agree with you.
Bug: …But…wait…huh? This…this is an @$$hole Two-In-One review. You’re supposed to have a differing opinion. We’re supposed to argue about it for pages and pages and call each other horrible and filthy names. We should try to convince one another that the other one is wrong. And then piss and moan that the other one doesn’t know shit about comics. You can’t just agree with me.
bug: Sure I can. I loved this issue too. I loved it a lot.
Bug: But…
bug: Juuust loved it!
Bug: You…
bug: Loved it a lot.
Bug: Okay…well…then how about another one of Johns’ books from a few weeks ago, TEEN TITANS #6. You’ve gotta have an opinion on that one.
bug: Yes, I do.
Bug: Well, good. I missed this issue when it first hit the stands, so I’m reviewing it now. Reviews have been mixed here at @-Hole HQ about this series, so I can’t wait to tear into you on this one. Hee hee. You are gonna get it.
bug: So let’s get it ON!
Bug: Well all right! This issue is one of your typical super hero slugfest issues except it doesn’t just blindly throw these heroes into a situation and have them fight for no reason. Nope, Johns writing is too good for that. This conflict has been building since the beginning and this is the issue where it some to a head. It is an unwritten rule that every time one team of heroes guest stars in another team of heroes book, those teams have to tussle for a while.
bug: Oh I think it’s written somewhere?
Bug: In this issue, the JLA come to Titans Tower to check up on the sidekicks. Some of the heroes - Batman and Superman - believe that the Teen Titans are good for their youthful charges. Others, like Wonder Woman, do not. This issue does a great job of setting up a conflict, charting out some truly amazing fights scenes, and coming to a resolution where both teams learn a bit about themselves and each other. What I liked most about this issue was Johns’ wonderful use of characterization. Anyone can write a fight scene, but only a truly talented writer can put thought and meaning behind every punch, every use of power, every bruised body or ego. When Wonder Girl uses Ares’ enchanted lasso on Wonder Woman, it shocks both her body and her beliefs. Superboy cringes when he accidentally fries Superman’s cape with his newly acquired heat vision.
bug: “Ma made me that cape.” Superman states bluntly. “You don’t have to tell her, do you?” Superboy responds.
Bug: Yeah! Great line. Then Robin quickly rises to Superboy’s defense when Batman calls him The Clone. Even Green Lantern gets a classic line, “And people ask why there’s no Teen Lantern.” These little bits and pieces show that Johns, more than any other writer in comics today, is a man who knows and respects his medium. He understands what has come before, has the insight to put it into perspective and use what is needed for the story, and has the brains and, most importantly, the creativity to incorporate it all into his stories so that long time fans and newbies alike can enjoy the issue they are reading.
bug: And the art?
Bug: The writer/artist combo of Johns and McKone is even better here than that of THE FLASH. In this book, Mike McKone visualizes Johns’ themes perfectly. There’s a scene where Flash is racing after Kid Flash across an ocean. The heated conversation is two-pronged. Kid Flash is complaining about how Flash avoids talking about issues with him, while Flash is chiding Kid Flash for barreling head first into a situation. In the panel, Flash races around an ocean liner, while Kid Flash races over it. This scene perfectly illustrates the difference between these two characters. It’s a wonderful visual use of characterization. I absolutely loved this book. If THE FLASH #202 is the best damn hero book I have read in the last month, TEEN TITANS #6 is the best damn team book I have read in the last month. So c’mon. Lemme have it. What about you? C’mon. Hit me with your best shot. Let’s see what’choo got, punk. Huh? Huh?
bug: Okay. Here we go. I totally agree. This was a great issue. I liked it.
Bug: HA!…heh…huh?
bug: I liked it a lot.
Bug: But…this is a point/counterpoint review. You’re supposed to disagree.
bug: But I liked the issue.
Bug: But…
bug: A lot.
AMBUSH BUG: Hey guys, it’s me AMBUSH BUG. Am I too late to talk about AVENGERS #76, Geoff Johns’ last issue writing on the title?
Bug: Let me guess. You liked the issue. You liked it a lot.
BUG: How’d you know? I DID. I actually loved it. Loved it a lot.
bug: Hey, I did too.
Bug: *sigh* I give up.
AVENGERS #77
Chuck Austen: Writer
Olivier Coipel: Artist
Marvel Comics: Publisher
Release Date: 1/7/04
Vroom Socko: Avenging
The last time I wrote a review of Avengers, I said that it made me wish that Bob Harris was still writing the book. This comment was in relation to the final arc from Geoff Johns, who started with a bang and ended with a whimper. Starting with this issue, Chuck Austen is the writer.
Austen has me wishing that Rob Liefeld was still on the book, as writer and artist. With co-plots credited to Jim Shooter and dialogue and inks by John Byrne.
The “story” involves three of the Avengers tracking down the Wrecking Crew in Merry Olde England. Since the team is actively searching out the Crew, a foursome who once pummeled Hercules into a coma, they naturally would send their heavy hitters, like Iron Man, She-hulk and Warbird. Oh, wait, they only send Captain America, Hawkeye, and Giant-Woman.
Yes, I said Giant-Woman. Austen has the Wasp walking through London while 100 feet tall. If I may be fanboyish for a moment, Jan’s physiology just doesn’t work that way. There was a story, about ten years or so ago, where Jan did grow enormous, and it drove her mad. When Hank managed to reduce her back to normal, the procedure resulted in her being unable to grow past 5’5”. Now, here she is, growing again. And it’s acting as a detriment to her health again. I honestly don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I’m reminded of a crap 90’s storyline while reading this book, or the idea that Austen is shamelessly ripping off a crap 90’s story.
But all this happens in the second half of the issue. The first half has Cap and Clint engaged in the most overwritten conversation I’ve ever had the misfortune to eyeball. Not only is it the most forced, awkward, and preposterous dialogue this book has ever seen, but the matter being discussed reveals that Austen knows next to nothing about Cap that wasn’t written in the past six months.
The real crime here, however, is the initiation of hostilities between the Crew and the Avengers. We don’t see it. All we get is panel after panel of Cap and Hawkeye standing around while Jan describes what’s going on. Does that make any sort of sense at all? About as much sense as the two of them changing into their costumes while still standing in the middle of the fucking street!
You might be wondering just what the Wrecking Crew is doing in England. So am I. As far as I can tell, they traveled across the ocean for the expressed purpose of knocking off an armored car. What the fuck? You might also be wondering who the promised “Returning long lost Avenger” is. Well, despite having been billed as such, there are no other Avengers present in this issue. Again I ask, what the fuck?
I have not yet commented on the artwork. That is because it doesn’t deserve a comment. It is low rent pedestrian swill. It does not inspire, awe, or remotely hold interest.
I don’t know any words low enough to describe this book. To call it shit storytelling would be an insult to shit everywhere. It reads like bad fanfic. It IS bad fanfic. I don’t know how long Austen’s set to be writing this book, but as long as he’s on it, I’m off. I’m hoping that the upcoming Avengers/T-bolts mini does well enough for someone to decide that Fabian Nicieza belongs on this title. Hell, I’ll even take Ron Zimmerman at this point. Anyone but Austen; the man is poison to everything he touches.
Note: in an attempt to entice new readers, this issue has the cover price of fifty cents. Know that if you purchase this book, you are being overcharged.
WONDER WOMAN #199
Writer: Greg Rucka
Penciller: Drew Johnson
Publisher: DC Comics
Release Date: 12/24/03
Reviewer: Sleazy G
WONDER WOMAN is one of those books that doesn’t get much attention from fans or reviewers. It’s got a solid fan base, but it’s a small one, and doesn’t ever seem to grow much. If the latest issue is an indication of what Rucka’s got in store, though, that should change soon. In fact, I recommend you run out and buy this issue right away—it’s a couple weeks old already, but it’s clearly building up to something really big for #200.
Why is Wonder Woman so under-appreciated? It’s been debated a *lot* by fans, but there are a few reasons. One is that the character seems, well, kinda *dull* a lot of the time. Wonder Woman seems to be defined by her supporting cast more than by the character herself. Writers often seem unsure of how to write her in a way that does justice to the character and all she should represent. Of course, there’s another problem too—the writers themselves. William Messner-Loebs had a pretty good run waaaay back there in the mid-90’s, and some of the Wonder Girl stuff (current, not Troia) has been good. By and large, though, there’s been a lot of mediocre work on this book. The increasingly irrelevant John Byrne drove off many fans with his overly convoluted , overwritten and poorly drawn run. Phil Jimenez’ art was a huge improvement, and he was enthusiastic, but his writing (once again overly wordy) wasn’t strong enough to carry the book. Both runs had some decent individual issues, but not enough to really grab (and keep) readers’ interest.
The complicated backstory of Diana, her mother Hippolyta and the original Wonder Girl, Troia, combined with a lot of wordy but dull stories have kept Wonder Woman from attaining the prominence she clearly deserves at the top of DC’s mythology along with Batman and Superman. Rucka looks like he’s ready to change that, though. There are those who felt Rucka started out his run too slowly, with not enough action, or even enough Wonder Woman. Issue #199 has as much going on in one issue, though, as the entire last year of the series, and all of it is extremely interesting.
It seems that there’s a conspiracy, with at least some of the members being in the government (of course), that wants to take Diana down because of what she’s been saying in her new book. They set up a situation whereby her most outspoken opponent is assassinated outside her offices. They’ve also arranged it so that a heavily sedated Doctor Psycho is there to try and cast some kind of delusion on the crowd. Smart money is Doc is gonna make everybody think Diana or someone close to her pulled the trigger, putting the lie to her peacenik BS and causing her a headache the size of her invisible sentient telepathic morphing alien...oh, never mind.
That’s sort of the less-interesting, more familiar B-story, though. Where Rucka’s writing really shines is in what he’s doing with the Greek pantheon of gods and the way they interact with Diana’s world. Rucka has given the gods a makeover, so they suddenly look and talk like common-day Americans. It’s not as cosmetic a change as it sounds, though—it’s a result of a really smart idea so obvious everybody’s been overlooking it. As the world changes, and the people in it change, so too would the gods. Zeus’ power is waning, as no one really looks up in wonderment or fear at the skies any more. As Ares discusses with Wonder Woman, he’s now one of the three top players, along with Aphrodite--because desire, sex and love aren’t going anywhere--and Athena, patron of both warriors and wisdom. In fact, it seems likely in today’s world Athena outpaces the other two, with technology advancing exponentially and being tied directly to the most successful warriors of our age.
Ares claims to have decided to undergo an image makeover. He figures being the God of War is a losing proposition in a world where a nutjob could wipe huge chunks of humanity off the map with nukes or bio-weaponry. No people means no faith means no power, so the guy needs to diversify his portfolio a bit if he wants to remain a player. Ares figures the way to go is to refocus his abilities towards becoming God of Conflict. Conflict is not inherently deadly the way war is, and conflict is an eternal constant, so it’s not like he’s going to have to worry about running out of believers any time soon. Naturally, Diana’s not buying it, assuming it’s just more conniving double-talk from Ares—which it undoubtedly is, of course. Still, when asked if he’s going to be interfering with Themyscira or the world of mortals, he denies it and goes so far as to point out Diana’s the one with the Lasso of Truth, if she’s got any doubts. Again, the guy’s clearly playing games, but the fun’s going to come from finding out exactly how he’s set the whole thing up and to what end.
After a long, slow crawl, this book is really starting to heat up. Rucka’s a writer with a knack for strong women, and he’s thrown so many interesting ideas into this one issue alone that I have a feeling the book is definitely one to watch. If you’re a longtime fan of Wonder Woman who’s drifted like I had, come back for #199. I’d be willing to bet you’ll stay for #200. If you’re somebody who’s never really known if it was their kind of book, give it a spin. This is technically part four of an ongoing storyline, but there’s so much going on here that you’ll get hooked, and you can get the back issues over the next few weeks. WONDER WOMAN #199 is one of the strongest issues this character has seen in years, and it’d be a shame to miss out on where the book is headed.
ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #1
Writers: Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar
Pencils: Adam Kubert
Inks: Danny Miki
Publisher: ULTIMATE MARVEL
On the shelves: 1/02/04
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
I’ve been reviewing comics for nearly two years now, and I must say that the most challenging aspect of this little job is to review a new book and look at it objectively, with a fresh set of eyes and an open mind, forgetting the fact that I have read more comics than I could ever begin to count. There are many reviewing styles, but if we had to pick one that represents the @$$hole Style it would be that our reviews are often about feeling and reference. The reviewer references how this book made him or her feel, what the reading experience was like, and the quality of the craftsmanship that went into the comic’s creation through the critical eyes of someone who has read quite a few comics in his or her time on this planet. I often read comments in the Talkbacks that accuse the @$$holes of a bias for or against certain companies, creators, themes, or other aspects of today’s comics. This may be true, everyone has some form of bias, but this is no more prominent than the bias of those pointing the fingers below. I wanted to start this review with the acknowledgment that I do have a certain bias when it comes to the comic I have chosen to review this week. Even though I think that this viewpoint is justified and valid, I am first going to lay it out for all of you to see and then try to set it all aside and look at the issue at hand with a fresh set of eyes and an open mind.
I am not a fan of the ULTIMATE MARVEL Universe. There I said it. From the get-go, I have never believed in the reasoning behind its creation nor understood the amount of hype and fanfare it has received. I understand that some of the industry’s giants currently make their money writing and drawing these books. I understand that the books have garnered a lot of fanfare from critics and fans alike. But every time I do give the ULTIMATE U a shot (and I have, I bought the first ten issues of ULTIMATE X-MEN, every issue of ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN until the coma-inducing Aunt May Therapy issue, and THE ULTIMATES until the equally yawn-inspiring faux-Skrull issue-long before-the-battle discourse), I end up asking myself why I have once again bought into such drawn out, retread stories, polished and packaged with just about as much respect and care for what came before as Lucas did with the STAR WARS Special Editions.
I see the ULTIMATE U as an extended, over-hyped, pretty-as-a-peach Elseworlds tale. The most popular issues and storylines ape what has come before. Name your favorite Ultimate U story and I’ll bet it was done before with the same heroes and villains, doing the same things, except for the fact that the characters didn’t say “dude” in every other panel and had an outlook that was a bit brighter and more hopeful than the cynical and acidic themes of today’s books. Now look at the original stories and characters created in the Ultimate U: Ultimate Geldoff, Zimmerman’s Ultimate Adventures. Not great stuff. I guess what I’m saying is that the only reason these books are popular is because they are rehashing old storylines, polishing it up with fancy art, and cashing in on the “ooooo cool” factor of the hip ‘n fresh re-introduction and redesign of old characters. Sorry. Not interested. The concept of new versions of old characters is novel and interesting at first, but gets old pretty damn quick. I wouldn’t call it writing since the writers are rehashing old stories, but their talents to cinematically pace an issue and write interesting dialog is duly noted. Basically, I see the writers of the Ultimate U as glorified Weird Al Yancovics aping the styles and trends done before, except most of the time they aren’t as funny and they have less hair than Al.
So there you have it. My ULTIMATE U bias. Now rush to the TB’s, you ADD avengers, and rip me a new one for pissing in your comic book Cheerios.
Still here? Good. Now I can tell you what I think of the latest addition to a wonderful new book I read called ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #1. Although my above rant still applies, I have to admit that I really liked this introductory issue. Sure they’ve made the FF teenagers and that’s annoying, but the issue itself was pretty damn good. This issue focuses on a young Reed Richards, inquisitive soul and misunderstood genius. No one really gets Reed. Not the bullies at school. Not his parents. Not his sister. Not even his best bud, Benjamin Grimm. This issue shows that, from the very beginning, Reed has been functioning on a different intellectual level than the rest of us. It tells this tale well and the issue itself is a pretty good stand alone introductory tale; one that introduces the cast and gives the reader a taste of what is to come.
As an added bonus, every member of the Four make an appearance in this issue. I note this because that is almost a taboo form of storytelling these days at Marvel. If I were to listen to that little bias from above and rely on recent trends at Marvel, I would’ve bet my Aunt’s toupee that they would’ve stretched out the team’s intro over the course of a year or so like they did in THE ULTIMATES. But back to the non-biased section of the review.
The premise is a good one. All of the characters are in place. I can believe Reed as a kid genius. I can believe that Sue and Johnny’s father was the head of a program studying the exploration of the Negative Zone. That’s a logical way for the three of them to come together. I really liked the fact that Reed’s father would rather shoot the shit with Ben than his own weird son. I like the addition of Enid Richards, annoying kid sister of Reed, who forces Reed to promise to take her with him when he develops the ability to teleport away from home. These are great character moments that hold a lot of potential for future storylines. Reed’s fascination with science and discovery, his outsider status because of that fascination, his sadness, and his joys are all written with wonderful sincerity and innocence. I mentioned earlier that one theme in the ULTIMATE U is cynicism. This book bucks that theme. It is refreshing to see the wide-eyed fascination in Reed’s eyes as he makes his discoveries and feels acceptance for the first time in his life. These feelings were captured perfectly in this issue. This is a story about someone with something special and, after so long, that something special is finally recognized and appreciated. All in all, the writing collaboration of Millar and Bendis is a truly successful one.
But of course, it ain’t all peaches and gravy. I don’t have a lot of experience with the works of Mark Millar other than THE ULTIMATES which is not my cup of tea, but I do know Bendis and, for good or bad, there are moments in this book that are pure Bendis. I’m sure Bendis fans will surely rejoice at this. If you like page-long discussions that go like this:
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Double promise?”
“Okay.”
“Say the words.”
“I double promise.”
“You double, double promise?”
“Dude…”
Then you will love this book. But if you’re like me, you will think that what I just read was a complete waste of space and time. Bendis is a master of dialog, but he needs to realize that sometimes less is more. You and I may speak like that in real life, but those types of circular nonsensities grind the story to a halt and merely drive home the fact that the writer likes to hear himself talk.
The art is top notch too. But then again, all ULTIMATE UNIVERSE art is top notch. Adam Kubert frames each page masterfully. There is a panel depicting Reed slumped over his desk after his father has yelled at him for taking apart the blender for spare parts that is truly stunning and heart-breaking. There are no world balloons or captions, the panel is in silhouette, and Bendis and Millar have the common sense to shut the fuck up and let the art speak for itself. A really great moment in this good-looking book.
So bias aside, the book is pretty damn good. Usually, I say that I wish this team was doing the regular Marvel title and not wasting their time with hipped-up Xeroxes of the real thing, but Mark Waid is doing such a phenomenal job with the regular FF title that I wouldn’t want that to change. It is just too bad that Marvel stretches its properties so thinly. They would rather publish three versions of the same team with major creators; FF, ULTIMATE FF, and coming soon MAX FF (for those of you who really want to know if the Thing has a thing), than have these true talents take on such titles-in-peril as UNCANNY X-MEN. My views towards the ULTIMATE U have not changed, but the issue itself was a treat to read. I look forward to reading upcoming issues, filled with better than usual doses of hip dialog, cinematic pacing, and the inevitable revamps of Doom, Sub-Mariner, Galactus, Silver Surfer, and Impossible Man.
EMPIRE #6
Story/Co-Creator: Mark Waid
Pencils/Co-Creator: Barry Kitson
Inks: James Pascoe
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
RUSE, FANTASTIC FOUR, SUPERMAN: BIRTHRIGHT – All recent projects by Mark Waid, all have managed to strike out with me for one reason or another (although I'm beginning to reconsider FANTASTIC FOUR). No, for my money, Waid's best work right now is EMPIRE.
The pitch, which may of you already know, is simple: What would happen if a supervillain won? What would happen if Dr. Doom took over the world? Well, according to Waid, there would be an Empire, and there would be intrigues. There would be alliances and resistance, there would be secret betrayals, confused loyalties, and unexpected sincerities. There'd be sex and violence and irony.
**Serious Series Spoilers To Follow**
By issue six, the Emperor Golgoth has already taken care of the secret betrayer within his cabal; the one who murdered his wife, kicking off the drive that led him to world conquest. The betrayer: his angelic daughter. His daughter seemed to be Golgoth's one last oasis of incorruptibility amid all the evil, and with her gone, and worse, with her revealed as the source of such a deep betrayal, Golgoth has some steam to blow off – which he promptly does, single-handedly, on the tragically double double-crossed resistance fighters of Greenland. (Poor Greenland.) Meanwhile, the chickens come home to roost for the person who murdered the Empire's Information Minister: she gets buried alive, but not the way you might think (this is a sweet little twist that I insist that you have to read to find out).
**End Spoilers**
And Waid is unsentimental about all of it. To be fair, he let us know the score from the very first issue. No happy endings here. Golgoth and his cohorts have "won," and they hold on to their victory, but the spoils are very bitter. The series is also uncompromisingly brutal (earning its "For Adult Readers" tag), but on the other hand, amidst all the ugliness, artist Barry Kitson has managed to make a beautiful book. The women are gorgeous, the illustrations crisp. And yet when you walk away from the issue, the ugliness, or better yet, the corruption, is what you take with you. It's effective and fascinating, and I can't think of another comic out there that's like it. It's palace intrigue on a superhero scale, it's THE GODFATHER with heat vision.
And if that weren't enough, there are two very basic, built-in interests for the reader as well: 1) We want to see the good guys win (eventually), and 2) We want to see what's under Golgoth's mask.
Of course, EMPIRE was not without some rough spots: Some of the elements didn't seem to work, like one character's accent. It was distracting. And the story decompression went a little overboard in issue #5, when repeated panels didn't seem like emotional beats, just repeated panels.
But overall, EMPIRE, and the finale with issue #6, easily overcame these problems. EMPIRE was a strikingly good series, and one of my favorites of last year. Of course, we still don't know how or if the good guys will win, and we still don't know what's under Golgoth's mask. There's still a lot more to the world of EMPIRE that we have yet to see, and I have a feeling that Waid has more to show us. At the end of the issue, in the godawful "DC In Focus" page, DC asks if we want more of EMPIRE. Answer: Yes.
And now, a Special Ambush Bug Edition of CHEAP SHOTS
GREEN LANTERN #172 (12/31/03): Why can’t anyone get Green Lantern right? He’s a galactic cowboy, shootin’ from the wrist with a ring full of fiery green fury. There could be a million tales told about an artist who acquires the most powerful weapon in the universe. Too bad that lately, all of those tales have been injected with as much energy, inspiration, and imagination as my Grandfather’s testicles. Hey look! Kyle formed a new Green Lantern Corps…again. Yawn. And get this! This time they don’t even have power rings. If I were a conspiracy theorist (and I’m not, at least that’s what the government-planted chip in my brain tells me to say), I’d think that DC is purposely making Kyle boring as dirt to justify the return of a fallen GL that goes by a name that rhymes with Shmal Schmordan. - Ambush Bug
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #502 (1/02/04): Another standard throw away, in-between issue that Stzynixki-…Strazynsk-…Stanz-…the RISING STARS guy often tosses out before he blows our collective minds with a cosmic romp that dissects the core of Spidey’s being. This one centers around a little, old, Jewish guy who provides costumes to heroes and villains alike. It’s a nice little story. It’s got some funny bits, including the Blob in a thong. It’s got a moral. And some decent art by John Romita Jr. But nothing amazing really happens. - Ambush Bug
PUNISHER #37 (1/02/04): All-right! This is the last issue of the PUNISHER series. Thank God! Now maybe Marvel can get a writer who respects the character and actually brings some depth to Frank Castle. Garth Ennis made it a total thirty-seven issues without revealing one tiny nuance of the character. Hell, he didn’t even focus on the title character at all! But we got a lot of transvestite androids, limbless grannies, and a detective who fucks his mother. Take a bow, Garth. Your shallow writing has reached a new low…or high…..or whatever. I hear ol’ Frankie Castiglione is getting relaunched as a MAX title. Let’s hope we’ll get to see a bit of character with all of that senseless killing in this new series. Wait. Who’s going to be writing it? Never mind. - Ambush Bug
Death of an Aardvark: A Tales From the Crevice Special
By Vroom Socko
In a few months time, we will see the end of one of the most ambitious works of storytelling that the medium of comics has ever seen. Cerebus the Aardvark, which started out as a mad cross between Conan the Barbarian and Howard the Duck but quickly became so much more, is about to reach its culmination in issue 300, due out in March. When the end does come, Creator Dave Sim will have told the single largest story in comics, detailing the entire life (and death) of the title character.
In preparation for the end of this book, which has been in existence almost as long as I have, I’ve decided to reread the collected volumes of the series, known to Cerebus fans as “phone books.” As I read, I’ll be sharing my thoughts and remembrances of this character down here in the Crevice with you Talkbackers. Do note, please, that I intend to talk about the work, not the man. If any of you are intent on talking back about Sim the man, wait until we get to READS. (If, as I’m sure, some of you have never even heard of Cerebus, let alone Dave Sim, trust me, that last sentence will be made more clear in time.)
First of all, there are two schools of thought on where the neophyte should start reading Cerebus. Some say start at the beginning, with what is affectionately referred to as the “barbarian book.” Others think that the story will be more appreciated by new readers if they go straight to the political satire of volume two: High Society. Personally, I think that how and where you first hear of this character should be considered as a factor. I first came across Cerebus in my mother’s 1986 Christmas gift to me, issue #8 of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I’m sure if she’d know where this gift would lead, she’d have a heart attack. At any rate, after experiencing the Earth Pig in a bizarre time traveling story alongside the four Turtles, the first volume was definitely my ideal starting place.
While this volume doesn’t exactly feature a single narrative interlocking the entire book, there are many important introductions, as well as laughs aplenty. We have such major players as Red Sophia (a takeoff of Red Sonya,) Elrod the Albino (a riff on Moorecock’s Elric,) Lord Julius of Palnu, President Weisshaupt, anarchist/guru Suenteus Po, and of course, the Cockroach, who at one time or another has been your favorite superhero. Oh god, the Roach. Starting out as a Batman parody, he quickly becomes Captain Cockroach, who will soon be followed by every “kewl” superhero the four-color world has ever seen. And of course, we also meet Jaka, the one woman that Cerebus truly loves. She is the heart and soul of this series, and is easily my favorite of the supporting cast, even if her part in this volume is limited.
The best section of this first book is what’s known as the Palnu trilogy, where Cerebus is employed by the eccentric Lord Julius. Appointed as head of security, his official title is that of Kitchen Staff Supervisor, which should tell you just what kind of government Lord Julius is running. It’s this job, and his relationship with Lord Julius, that defines much of the second half of this volume, as Cerebus begins to baby-step towards the massive arcwork ahead.
But it’s in the pages of High Society (no, not the porno mag, you freak.) that the scope of what Sim has up his sleeve becomes apparent. In this volume, Cerebus is dragged into the political arena by Astoria, a manipulative political rebel who has the Bug (now calling himself Moon Roach) under her thumb. This arc features the beginnings of some of the most insane political satire around, the highlight of which is Petuniacon, which somehow manages to skewer both political and comic book conventions simultaneously. It’s at this point that Cerebus, like Howard before him, is thrust into running for public office.
Oh my god, what a campaign. Cerebus, naturally, is interested in the position of Prime Minister purely for the money and power it can afford him. Seeing him on this road, and how he deals with the reality of the job is satire at its finest. The election night section is simply hilarious, with the guest appearance of the Human Torch as the highlight. And the subsequent chapters, where everything gets turned on its side, is narratively astonishing.
I mean that literally; you have to turn the book so the spine is facing up in order to read the last third of the story. If I had to pick one thing that impressed me the most about this series, it’s how Sim experiments with his layout, how he constantly is searching for new ways to tell a story in comic books. This series does have an impact beyond its length, after all. Sim has done more to expand how creators tell stories than anyone but Eisner, and this section is only the beginning of that.
But the most intriguing element of this book is Cerebus himself. Simply put, he’s a mean little bastard who cares only for himself. He’s a thug whose only interest is gold, and seeing him being forced to confront civilization on terms other than his own, seeing him manipulate and be manipulated is just damn amazing. The final section of High Society, where this little gray lump of Id finally tells off Astoria is the best bit of writing the series has seen. To this point, at any rate.
Next time, we’ll take a look at the two-volume epic known to mortals as Church & State. Until then:
Question For Discussion:
Cerebus the Aardvark. Discuss.
(What, you need a roadmap? You’re TalkBackers; rip into the little gray bastard!)
