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Published on Saturday, May 2, 1998 - 2:30am |
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Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition review
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Ok folks, I saw Empire Strikes Back Special Edition tonight. I don't want to spoil the
experience here, so like I did before, I will simply relate the experience of the film. First, I
should say this is my favorite of the trilogy.
I arrived at the theater about three hours ahead of time to secure my fave seat (third row
central), I was the first. So instead of waiting inside the theater, I sat outside at some
benches, by myself. I was awaiting the arrival of my father (who has seen every first
screening of a Star Wars film in Austin with me since Star Wars originally appeared) Now
sure I knew what was to come, or so I thought, but I was excited to be there. Soon other
lucky ticket holders arrived, many with that goofy look in their eye. Then my family
arrived and into the theater we went. Now I was awaiting my friend and ally Geek #2
Glen. You see Glen and I moved heaven and earth to become important in the eyes of the
regional 20th Century Fox promotional department. Not an easy task. He spent days
tracking down the tickets, first picking them up at the printers, then through a contact in
the postal department, then when they arrived at the Fox offices. Then it was time to
divert two passes to our mutual mailboxes. Let's just say, the force has a power over the
strong minded too. The passes procured, it was now my duty to hold line space for him.
Now you have to understand, usually when Geek #2 is enroute to coolness, a terrible
catastrophe befalls not only him but every single thing between him and his destined
coolness. Amazingly through perilous traffic no harm came to him. Obviously the micro-
meteorite that was destined to destroy his carbaureator in his vehicle while on the mix
master at Ben White was caught staring at the blocked traffic and skewered a unlucky
cow, I know this because it was seen in his rear view mirror. He has his moments, not
many, but he has him. Now it was time for the line to begin in earnest. We all sat around
in the lobby listening to the tales of woe of my fathers gruelling Paul Verhoeven inspired
childhood, "Beware of Jimmy Brown!!!!" The line enjoyed and winced as every detail
and then began relating their most physically painful moment. Ahhhh, a line for Empire.
Pain was obviously the order of business. Then it was time to seat. Yahooooooooooo
Once inside my friend and I noticed that Star Wars babes exist in force, thank yall.
Unfortunately they had dweebish pencil necked compu-geeks that weren't nearly the
calibre of geek that he and I were. Such travisties do exist I assure you. Then radio dude
took up our geek time with stupid moo-money news. Lulabelle the cash cow(obviously
spared in the micro meteorite attack earlier), man I hate KHFI. We waved at the
projectionist twice, and then the lights dimmed. The screen became illuminated with the
first twinklings of the green preview screen, PG. Then the Fox logo, followed by the
LucasFilm logo with a yearning Williams music in the background followed by a new
trailer for Jedi, man a real Skyhopper in flight, your jaw will drop, I swear I was not
prepared by the production sketches on my site. "It really does fly" Then the evil Act III
stuff followed by the greatest film you will ever likely pay witness to. With all the new
stuff, which is by the way LETTER PERFECT, the most amazing thing is still that friggin
muppet. Yoda is sooooooooooooooooo REAL, I mean how can a puppet do that stuff,
there is a soul in those eyes. "The Eyes are the windows to the soul" Let me say in
regards to the new stuff, which if any of you spoil in this newsgroup, you should rot in hell
in my opinion. Put Spoiler warnings please. This new stuff is amazing. I mean there is
no adequate way to humanly describe with out gesturing like a friggin mad man. I mean
its so frigginnnn cool. By the way adults substitute the word you would put in place of
friggin, it probably has a u in it somewhere. There are new moments of such profound
beauty that tears will instantly flood your eyes, your mouth will go dry except for the
corners which will produce large quantities of drool, and your other geek activated
extremities will do what they usually do. Boy that's not too pretty a sight when I think of
it. Afterwards we all sorta did the living dead stunned walk out of the theater. Geek #2
had professed that he must leave quickly. However, the utter coolness of this new stuff
and that damn muppet so overtook him that twenty minutes quickly jumped by on our
watches. Strange musta been some disturbance with force like thingees. Me tawk weal
gud. Anyway folks, you will be amazed. I will be in line Thursday night at the Lincoln in
Austin for the next available showing, as I thought seriously about taking my cache of
weapons and forcing them to screen it again tonight, after all it's only Dante's Peak in that
screening room, surely no one would mind. See yall there.
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