Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
With my personal deadlines and that goddamn e-mail virus that keeps clogging my inbox and choking out the real e-mail I’m supposed to be getting, I missed the first time the TalkBack League Of @$$Holes e-mailed me. And the second time, evidently, and the thirty-fourth. But now, finally, here they are and here I am and here you are, and why don’t we just get nekkid and have ourselves a comics column right this minute?!
S'up, comic funs? Cormorant here, and it'd be hard to miss the press on this one, but for those who did: Neil Gaiman is back in comics! At least for a while, he's taken time away from his high-falutin prose writing career to return to the world of words and pictures.
BIFF! BAM! POW! COMICS AREN'T JUST FOR KIDS ANYMORE!
Sorry. Got carried away.
Now - longtime Gaiman fans will doubtless be salivating over his return to the series that made him beloved by Goth Girls™ everywhere with SANDMAN: ENDLESS KNIGHTS. That's out in September, but in the meantime, he's got "1602," a miniseries aimed more squarely at the Marvel Zombie™ crowd, and the subject of the @$$HOLE dogpile that opens our column. It's definitely one of Marvel's biggest releases of the year – so what'd you mugs out there in TalkBackLand think?
Beyond that, Vroom Socko's got same rare harsh words for Geoff Johns regarding TEEN TITANS #2, Ambush Bug gets in touch with his inner child reading G.I. JOE: FRONTLINE #11, Village Idiot grabs JLA writer Joe Kelly by the scruff of his collar and firmly but politely tells him to "knock it off," Sleazy G offers up what may be the third tell-off of Bruce Jones' INCREDIBLE HULK run from our group, and my review…my review tells folks to get off their asses and try Peter David's creepy-cool FALLEN ANGEL.
But first, it's time to get Medieval…
1602 #1 (of 8)
Writer: Neil Gaiman
Artist: Andy Kubert
Colorist: Richard Isanove
Publisher: Marvel Comics
An @$$hole Dogpile Review by Cormorant, Buzz Maverik, Superninja, Vroom Socko, Lizzybeth, and Ambush Bug
Cormorant:
Let's get one thing out of the way: 1602 is essentially a glorified Elseworlds project. Yeah, yeah, Gaiman's said that it's somehow gonna be "in continuity" and may even have ramifications on the current Marvel Universe (I see reality-warping in this book's future), but for all practical purposes…it reads just like an Elseworlds.
An Elseworlds that I dug the hell out of.
See, I happen to quite like the Elseworlds paradigm when it's done right. Rare, but it does happen (DC, reprint BATMAN: HOLY TERROR, damn you!). These stories can cut to the heart of characters that have lost their keen edge after decades of safe, status quo monthly adventures. How many times have we seen Daredevil vaulting between buildings, the X-Men staging a last-minute escape, or Dr. Strange prestidigitating to see what kind of mystical hoodoo the badguys are cooking up? Countless times. But Elseworlds-style scenarios are finite and free from continuity, so not only can heroes die, but they can shine especially brightly in new settings designed specifically to re-ignite characters' core appeal. Past settings can even invoke the tone of myth and legend, and what could be more appropriate for the genre which is as close as modern storytelling gets to mythmaking? And who better then THE SANDMAN's Neil Gaiman to tap into that power?
The setting, of course, is the year 1602, an era of European exploration, political upheaval, and heated religious strife. In fact, we're still hip-deep in the Spanish Inquisition, with the mysterious "witchbreed" (read: mutants) a special target for persecution alongside the historical target of Jews. In the words of King James of Scotland, these witchbreed "…infest England like lice crawling through a shepherd's crotch."
That Gaiman's got a wicked turn of phrase, doesn't he?
Of course, the witchbreed have a benefactor in the form of the mysterious "Javier," who houses them in secret at a schoolhouse called "Sanctuary." Getting the modern-to-past correlation yet? It's not particularly subtle, but damned if it ain't fun, and damned if the rescue of a certain winged witchbreed didn't have more heroic energy to it than any standard X-Men comic of the past few years. There's intelligence and wit to the writing, but no annoyingly postmodern irony or deconstructionism. The roguish grin of young Scotius Summerisle as his eye blasts cleave through a Spanish fortress is genuine, as is the grim, intelligent countenance of Sir Nicholas Fury, chief intelligence agent of the Queen of England. Gaiman has captured the swashbuckling (but not campy) spirit of the Three Musketeers, the Scarlet Pimpernel, and Zorro in these characters, and he's set up an intriguing mystery to tie the overlapping adventures together.
The mystery is a cargo heading to England from Jerusalem. It's sought by all the major powers of Europe, including Count Otto Von Doom ("The one they call The Handsome?" "So they say, boy…"), and is believed to be a weapon of unimaginable power. As unnatural weather and the rise of the witchbreed heighten the continent's paranoia, the many players are introduced, making this essentially a set-up issue. A really fun set-up issue, that is.
Gripes: I'm not a particular fan of Andy Kubert or the vaguely gaudy practice of "digital inking," but he seems adept at mixing Old World lushness with a modern superhero vibe, so I'm rolling with it. The plot's pretty lightweight, this being a set-up issue, but I didn't feel cheated because I enjoyed all the introductions and geeked-out appropriately over all the inside references. Really, the only criticism I see being fairly levied against the book is that it's geared more for entrenched fans than a general audience (which is just fine), and that it's not as rich a tapestry as the seminal Gaiman work, THE SANDMAN (to which I counter: "Duh! This is the bombastic territory of the Marvel Universe, not a myth created whole cloth!"). If you're cool with these aspects…enjoy!
Buzz:
The best thing about 1602 is simply Marvel Comics being willing to do something new that isn't the same old version of something new (copying movies and adding faux-toughness so we can feel like the badasses we're not) that they usually do. Only Neil Gaiman, writer of the great SANDMAN series for Vertigo and of all those novels I can't bring myself to finish reading, would have been allowed to tell a story of the Marvel Universe characters as if they were existing in Elizabethan times.
As many of you know, black magick is sort of a hobby of mine. Ya gotta do something to relax after a hard day of reading comic books and making fun of them on AICN, so I like to go around speaking the Enochian language of angels. So I was pleased to see that Gaiman used my all time favorite Marvel character, Dr. Strange, as an antecedent to Dr. John Dee, Court Physician and Conjuror to Queen Elizabeth. (In addition to his scientific and magickal accomplishments, Dee and his sidekick Edward Kelly also invented wife swapping -- the angels told Kelly it was necessary -- something for which kinky 1970's suburbanites would have been grateful if they weren't so shallow ) .
Along with Strange, Gaiman and Kubert work in another favorite of mine, Nick Fury. They'll probably work in some of your favorites, too. With the X-Men, they seem to stick closest to their regular Marvel incarnations, although these are the original X-Men. I'm hoping for Wolverine but I'm not sure Sir Molson Byrne had yet discovered Canada in 1602.
I predict that Galactus and the Ultimate Nullifier are coming, but what I really want to see is an Elizabethan Hulk and Elizabethan Black Widow. BTW, if Joe Quesada is reading this, I have a great idea for a relaunch of THE DEFENDERS with Dr. Strange, the Black Widow and the Hulk because, ya know, the last two relaunches didn't happen. Do you hear me! Never happened!
Superninja:
I finally finished reading 1602, and I'm not impressed with it as a first issue.
I recently read Death: The High Cost of Living and I've read a Sandman trade and a story or two in the past - I just don't understand the fascination with these characters. Can't say why - it just escapes me. However, I must say that I absolutely love Stardust, Coraline, and a short story he wrote for Snow White, Blood Red, which I discovered after reading Fables due to my curiosity about fairy tales as adult literature. I like Gaiman, I just don't view his comic book writings in such high esteem as others do.
I guess I just expected something more. Reading it, I couldn't help but wish that Alan Moore had been the writer instead of Gaiman - more esoteric. A major disappointment to me because I am completely fascinated with the period 1602 is set in: the Inquisition and the Knights Templar. The art was great, but the story was a little fluffy and I found the old-world parallels to the Marvel Universe to be mundane.
But, this is the first issue, and I'm still curious as to what's in the box. We know it won't be the Indiana Jones version. The wrath of God is just not politically correct these days.
Vroom Socko:
I have to admit up front that I'm Neil Gaiman's bitch. I own everything he's published, with about half a dozen signed copies. I was at four different panels of his at San Diego, and I'm still pissed I didn't get to the other three. Hell, those of you who own the CBLDF video Live at the Aladdin can actually SEE me sucking up to him. (I'm the guy in the black fedora and leather jacket babbling about how Goddamned brilliant Neil is.) So I'd be reading this book even if it were dreck. But of course, 1602 is the polar opposite of dreck.
Much of the tension is hardwired in thanks to the setting. 1602, you see, was the final year in the rein of Elizabeth I. Her death in 1603 led to James of Scotland's ascension to the throne. James seems to be one of the heavies of this story. Of course, this was all before he went and put together the Bible, so who am I to judge.
As the others have pointed out, this is an all-intro issue. Since I'd already heard all I needed to about the concept from Neil himself in San Diego, my focus while reading was on the characterization. Simply put, I want to live in a world where Neil has the time and energy to write all the main Marvel titles ala Stan Lee. Just read the bit with the blind Irishman and Captain Nelson, or any and every scene with the Witchbreed, or the conversation between Sir Nicholas and the Queen's physician.
That's another thing I loved about this book - the little details. Having the book start out with Fury and Strange, the two characters whose reputations were forged together in Strange Tales, was an act of brilliance. As is the idea of Wanda becoming the Scarlet Nun, or Captain America as an Iroquois warrior called Rojhaz. And then there's "John" Grey. Considering that this story is set in the time of Shakespeare, I can't help but think of Twelfth Night when "he" is introduced.
The first issue of a mini, first and foremost, should make the reader damn sure they're not about to miss the rest of the story. Based on that, 1602 #1 is an absolute success.
Lizzybeth:
So I was invited to this party called 1602. I haven't been to the old Marvel place in a long time, but the host is none other than Mr. Neil Gaiman, and y'know, he's thrown some pretty wild shindigs in the past. Yeah, so I get here, and it's this Elizabethan theme, and everyone's in costume and stuff. I knew a lot of these cats way back in the day, like Peter Parker, and the Angel, and Matt Murdock, all those guys. They're pretty easy to recognize, since they basically look the same and acted the same and had the same powers and stuff, just with a Shakespearean kind of twist. Everyone is kind of off in their own corners trying to act the part, and nothing's really happening. I don't think I'm really supposed to be here, because nobody greeted me on the way in or took my coat, and when I try to ask these Marvel hosts to introduce me around or tell me what's going on they don't seem to hear me. Awhile ago I tried to mingle a little, get some dialogue going, find out something new. But before too long I realized: these masked fellows aren't really any more interesting than they were the last time I saw them, haven't changed much after all, they just got some new costumes. So here I am hanging out by the punchbowl, and no one's talking to me, and I can't find Mr. Gaiman at all, and I'm just wishing I had something better to do tonight, because the night's still young and I'm not nearly drunk enough yet.
Ambush Bug:
For the record, I hate Elseworlds tales. Can't stand them. Besides GOTHAM BY GASLIGHT, they all hold about as much interest to me as a writing seminar taught by Ron Zimmerman. I hear 1602 isn't an Elseworlds, but if it smells like an Elseworlds and looks like an Elseworlds, then, to me, it is an Elseworlds until proven otherwise.
The thing is, I really enjoyed the first issue of 1602. Gaiman is a master of the written word and Kubert grows in skill with every high scale project he does. The characters of the Marvel U haven't looked or sounded better than they do in these pages. From a young Peter Parquagh (BUTTER!) sidekicking it with Sir Nicholas Fury, to a pirate-like blind bard named Matthew, this book takes Marvel's crop of characters and gives them a much needed goose.
It's funny. This book is almost the anti-Ultimate Marvel Universe book. It doesn't shit on the characters and hip them up for the MTV/TRL generation. It slows them down. Allows them to breathe. Gives them the depth that so many of the regular titles lack. This book is a reward for those of us who have stuck with these comics through the clumsy deconstruction, through the shallow cinematic treatment, through the snails-pacing to fit a meaty trade paperback, through all of this Nu-Marvelization. This is for those readers who know and love the characters, have read them for years, and long for the day that they are written by people who are not afraid to admit that they like superhero comics.
So I think 1602 is damn good. But it looks like an Elseworlds. And, as I previously noted, I loathe Elseworlds. So what's a Bug to do? I guess I'm just going to look at this series as a high profile CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS, a well-written SECRET WARS where our heroes and villains are whisked away to another time and place, forced to interact with each other, and then returned to current continuity. Only a second may have passed between their abduction and return, but the adventure that took place between those moments will have left the characters forever changed. That's my wish, anyway. And it's enough to force the word Elseworlds from my mind and allow me to enjoy this book for the excellent tale that it is.
Cormorant here again, and before we move on to the other reviews, I wanted to point interested parties to some great 1602 annotations at Jess Nevins' website, and also posted by the good folks over at The Fourth Rail if traffic makes Jess's site inaccessible. Want to know who the little girl traveling with Captain America is? Jess will tell you. This is the guy who did the insanely meticulous annotations for Alan Moore's first LEAGUE series and eventually had 'em published in HEROES & MONSTERS: THE UNOFFICIAL COMPANION TO THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN (with an intro by Alan Moore, no less!). Check it out. It's been my official readin' on the can for the last few weeks.
TEEN TITANS #2
Geoff Johns: Writer
Mike McKone: Artist
DC Comics: Publisher
Vroom Socko: Misses Young Justice
So far the latest relaunch of Teen Titians reminds me not of its predecessor, Young Justice, but another book: the mid-90’s Marvel title, Force Works. Both titles are essentially reintroductions of previous team books (in the case of Force Works, it’s Avengers West Coast,) both have totally new creative teams taking over, both feature unnecessary costume changes, and both are an absolute mess.
The main problem lies with the characters. I don’t know who these people are. They’re supposedly the same people from Young Justice, but they certainly don’t act like it. As with the previously mentioned Marvel book, the character dynamic is all out of whack. Understandably, some of this is due to the festering elephant diarrhea that was the Graduation Day miniseries, as well as the lump of pre-chewed candy corn that is the cartoon. Still, Young Justice featured quite a bit of character growth, particularly in the case of Impulse and Wonder Girl, which has disappeared like vapor.
In fact let’s look at Wonder Girl, who doesn’t want to be a part of the Titans, saying that the world isn’t about fun and games. Of course, she’s saying this while flying off in her brand new costume. Even if she were to change her outfit to one that honored Donna, do you really thing she’d have done so after deciding to quit the business? Never mind the fact that even prior to The Slop That Winick Wrote this was a way of thinking she’d already outgrown.
Then there’s the appearance of Deathstroke, which is completely insane. In the finale of this issue, he maims a character, saying that it’s a message that “kids shouldn’t wear costumes.” Now Slade’s a vicious scumbag mercenary, but even he’s not that sadistic. Besides, he’s a professional scumbag mercenary, so who the hell’s paying him to shoot at a bunch of kids he’s never even met? Deathstroke’s just not the sort of guy who shoots someone without getting paid. Is two panels showing him negotiating a contract with someone too much to ask? Or is this just ANOTHER example of poor understanding of character?
Based on the “message” made of the unfortunate cast mate, as well as the Next Issue blurb, the focus of this story arc is going to be whether or not this sort of job is too dangerous for the team. That would make for an interesting story. In fact, it DID make for an interesting story in the pages of Young Justice. It’s in the Young Justice: Sins of Youth TPB if any of you are interested. These characters have already faced this situation, and have proven themselves capable. Why, in the name of fuck, is it necessary to do it again?
Avengers West Coast lasted 102 issues, while the only reason Force Works lasted 22 issues was due to its part in an abysmal crossover with the Avengers. If we combine the 50 issues of The Titans run with the 55 of Young Justice, that should give us about the same average. I say new Teen Titans will be dead before it reaches number 25. Lord knows it deserves it. If DC decides to give this team back to Peter David, call me and let me know. Until then, I’m done with this book.
G.I. JOE: FRONTLINE #11
Writer: Brandon Jerwa
Pencils: Eddy Barrows
Inks: Cory Hamscher
Publisher: IMAGE COMICS
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
Nostalgia. That’s what it’s all about. The relaunch of the G.I. JOE series and its sister series, G.I. JOE: FRONTLINE relies heavily on nostalgia. Without the Hasbro figures, without the cartoons, without Larry Hama’s original stellar comic book series, there’s no way in hell that this series would be on the shelves today. The creators behind G.I. JOE’s current comic book incarnation remember what it was like to play with the toys and sing along with the theme song of the cartoon. You can just tell by reading the comic that they loved these characters as kids. For me, reading this series takes me back to simpler days where my living room became a battlefield with me orchestrating all of the chaos.
"Chuckles" was probably my least favorite G.I. JOE figure. All of the other Joes wore battle fatigues with field packs and heavy artillery. Chuckles had a hand gun and a loud shirt. He looked like a reject from Miami Vice and I cannot express how much I hated that damn figure. His filecard categorized him as an Undercover Operative, but to me, he was always the guy who was captured. That’s right. In my twelve-year-old mind, Chuckles was a bitch. He was the guy who always got nabbed by Cobra, forcing Duke to send out a crack team of expert Joe operatives to rescue him. I’d wrap Chuckles up in a rubber band and surround him with four Cobra Officers and three Crimson Guardsmen. Tucked in between the family Christmas picture and the picture of myself and a baby lion that I took at the mall, Chuckles would sit there on top of my piano and cry like a schoolgirl for his fellow Joes to rescue him.
It was always a perilous journey to save Chuckles. The Joe team would scale the piano leg and sprint across the black and white keys towards their captured comrade. I remember one mission when Roadblock lost grip of his machine gun and it fell inside of the piano. I heard the plastic toy clink past the keys and land somewhere deep inside the musical wooden box. The mission morphed into a search and rescue for the lost firearm and Chuckles was quickly forgotten. Alas, the M-60 was lost forever and Good King Wenceslas never sounded the same when mom tickled the ivories during caroling time at the Ambush Bug Family Christmas Hootenanny.
GI JOE: FRONTLINE #11 features Chuckles.
He’s still an undercover operative, working with Cobra and squirreling intelligence back to Duke whenever he can. A lost airplane carrying a bio-lab goes down and it’s a race against the clock for a team of Joes and a squad of Cobras, with Chuckles caught in the middle.
I don’t know what type of mystical mojo powers writer Brandon Jerwa has, but he chose four of my absolute favorite Joes to make up this recovery squad. Beachhead: the all business Drill Sergeant. Airtight: the jovial Hostile Environment trooper. Tripwire: clumsy with everything but explosives. And my first G.I. Joe figure ever - Flash: the laser rifle specialist. I couldn’t have chosen a better team myself.
The thing that works so well in FRONTLINE is the dead-on characterization. Jerwa has read the filecards. He knows who’s who and what’s what. He also knows which ones to shove together to get the sparks flying. Seeing Beachhead butt heads with Airtight for being too goofy is a treat. Seeing Tripwire stumble out of an airplane rules. Watching these characters interact in the panels of this comic makes the little boy in me who used to live this G.I. JOE stuff smile from ear to ear.
The art is another treat. It’s not fancy. It doesn’t push the envelope of artistry in comics, but the team of Barrows and Hamscher knows how to draw a straightforward story with action and intrigue. Barrows uses some great dynamic angles to accentuate the tension building in this issue with Hamsher’s inks supplying the mood. You don’t need something flashy for a G.I. JOE comic - all you need is kick butt action and cool characters. These guys draw both very well.
Reading GI JOE: FRONTLINE is absolute nostalgic satisfaction for me. Watching my favorite figures jump from panel to panel brings back so many great memories. Those of you who were born too to play with G.I. JOE figures when you were young may not get the same thrill from reading this comic. Too bad for you, I say. This book isn’t for you guys. It’s for guys like me who bought the figures, who learned that “knowing is half the battle,” who knew that Larry Hama was an uber-rockin’ comic book military action god. I’d like to thank the creators behind issue #11 for bringing back those forgotten memories of Chuckles and the lost machine gun and the piano. Without issue #11, I may have never remembered that particular snippet of my childhood. And for that, I salute you. Yo Joe!
JLA #83
Joe Kelly – Writer
Doug Mahnke – Penciller
Tom Nguyen – Inker
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
All right, enough is enough. I'm busting the whole Joe Kelly thing wide open.
Joe Kelly: Former writer of X-MEN and DEADPOOL, current writer of STEAMPUNK, ACTION COMICS and the subject of this review, JLA.
Joe Kelly is not a bad writer; in fact he's written many comics over the years that I've enjoyed, including some issues in this current run of JLA (check some of my old reviews if you don't believe me). Kelly is a writer whose scripting tends to operate more heavily in the emotional sphere, giving a bit more focus to psychological byplay than you might find from Millar or Morrison. At worst, this aspect of his work can get melodramatic and even sappy (e.g., last year's "Lost Hearts" storyline in the Superman books). But at best, it’s simply dramatic and quite effective (e.g., Plastic Man’s exit, and the early part of the Wonder Woman/Batman relationship in JLA). We also shouldn’t forget that Kelly is the writer behind ACTION #775, a story any writer would be lucky to have in their oeuvre: a bona fide classic described by Wizard as the "Best Single Issue of a Comic in the Last Decade."
Overall, I think Joe Kelly can be a good comic writer.
However, in addition to what I’ve described above, there is another feature to Kelly’s writing; a feature that has gone undiscussed for too long. And now I’m here to talk about it.
Joe Kelly is a bad plotter.
And he’s a bad plotter is specific, consistent way. Time and time again, in comic book after comic book, Kelly falls back on The Cryptic Scene, a scene where there will be no explanation for what we're looking at, no real clue as to what's happening. Sometimes it's elements in the scene, sometimes it's the entire scene itself, but in each case, we’re left hanging. And it’s getting increasingly uncomfortable. “Oh, but Village,” you might be saying, “He’s planting the seeds of suspense. He’s creating a mysterious situation that will all be explained later.” Yes, well, that’s all fine and well, but Kelly takes the train so far off the tracks, and for so long, it’s not delightfully enigmatic, it’s not fun; it's annoying, and worse, overused. It grinds the gears in what would otherwise be a better story, like with JLA #83.
With JLA #83, he starts right out of the gate. The story opens with a caveman of some sort crossing the Bering Land Bridge between Asia and North America. Caveman calls out “Daaaaakaaaaaath!” Next page is a splash where a large spaceship is half buried in the frozen tundra, dead caveman bodies are littered everywhere, and a small Guardian of the Universe is on his knees with a mixed look of shock and despair. And the next scene cuts to a bar-b-cue with Superman and Martian Manhunter.
Now look, I understand what Kelly is trying to do. He’s trying to create a cinematic scene that lays the groundwork for the mystery of the rest of this story arc. And even though as I’m reading it, I’m thinking to myself “Again with The Cryptic Scene...,” I can maybe give Kelly a pass for this one.
But then later in the issue, a guy who I had to make an educated guess was Major Disaster is saying goodbye to a woman from what I have to glean is a casual sexual liaison, when suddenly he jumps from his trailer ready to attack a bunch of bald guys aiming weapons at themselves. Later we find out why the men were aiming the guns at themselves, but we have to wade through the entire scene totally in the dark.
Again, as an isolated incident I could give this a pass, but this kind of thing happens over and over again in Kelly’s comics, more than any other writer I’m currently reading. Why does Kelly demand that we have to work so hard? He gives us the bare minimum in these scenes, and expects us to care. And honestly, it’s getting harder and harder to do so.
In the case of JLA, what makes it doubly frustrating is that I’m a big fan of Doug Mahnke and Tom Nguyen’s art. Love it. Mahnke’s JLA have an etched quality - bold, strong, iconic, but still very expressive - and with Nguyen’s inks, they manage to convey a very stylized sense of texture. Wonderful stuff, and JLA #83 is true to form.
So this isn’t so much of a review as it is a plea: Joe, please stop it. Enough with the Cryptic Scenes already. Like I said, you can be a good writer. I want to like your work. You don’t have to put all your cards on the table, but I really think you need to start giving us more to work with, more often.
INCREDIBLE HULK #59
Writer: Bruce Jones
Artist: Leandro Fernandez
Editor: Axel Alonso
Publisher: Marvel
Reviewer: Sleazy G
Well, this issue was it for me. It’s official. When I go into the shop to pick up my next stack of books, I’m telling them to stop pulling THE HULK for me. Why? To use the most over worn of critical clichés, the book SUCKS. I came to a startling realization today: Bruce Jones has been writing this book since #34. He’s been on the book for just over two full years. He started out with a fairly strong few issues; hell, I’ll give him half a dozen even. But from that point on, it’s just been suckage. It’s been worn-out old “X-Files” clichés with a scene once every few issues featuring The Hulk. There’s been lots of unfamiliar, one-dimensional government spooks running around fucking with Bruce Banner. Whoopee. So what? Why should I care?
Look, it’s been TWO FRIKKIN’ YEARS, and we still don’t know bupkus about who they are, why they’re doing what they’re doing, or who’s running the show. I repeat: TWO YEARS. Drag a mystery out long enough and everybody’s intrigued. Drag it out too long, though, and everybody’s bored. Frankly, I stopped caring about every character in this book at least one five-issue story arc ago, maybe more. I’ve been reading this book for almost a year now hoping it’ll turn around and get better, but there’s just no reason to think that. The only question that kept me at all curious was the mysterious identity of the guy was who's been feeding Bruce inside info from the beginning of Jones’ run, but something that was mildly interesting a year and a half ago won’t keep me coming back any more. There’s absolutely no evidence that this thing is ever gonna become readable.
I haven’t addressed the actual issue yet, so let me tell you exactly why it sucks. It’s the final issue in a five-part arc that is between two and three issues too long. The entire run of 25 issues has been characterized by a dull, slogging pace; mediocre, laughable dialogue; a general lack of plot advancement; and - just to make sure you really choke on it - a complete misunderstanding of the characters the writer is working with. The villain in this piece is The Absorbing Man. Thing is, it takes him until page 11 of the fifth issue to actually absorb anything. See, Jones’ less-than-brilliant conceit is to suddenly give Crusher Creel the ability to jump from one mind to the next while his body remains trapped in a holding cell. Which would be fine, except that in 110-odd pages of script, it never occurs to Jones that Creel isn’t absorbing anything, so this new power wouldn’t actually work. Either the peoples’ brains are absorbing Creel’s mind, or he’s forcing himself into them, but he ain’t absorbing shit. He’s sitting there, unmoving, not doing a goddamn thing.
I’ve said it in several of my previous reviews, and I’ll say it again: where the hell is editorial in all this? The problem isn’t that I’m stodgy or can’t accept change or new ideas: the problem is I can’t accept stupid change. Change is neither inherently good nor inherently bad, but in the case of Jones’ run on the Hulk, it IS inherently STUPID. If Jones wanted to write a character who could jump bodies, he should have created one. Instead, he forced the idea onto an existing character through what is, even by comic-book standards, an absolutely ludicrous extension of the character’s abilities. It’s like suddenly deciding that because Matt Murdock’s hearing acts like radar he can also shoot down incoming aircraft with his mind. It’s just stupid. This guy can touch stuff and absorb its physical properties, so naturally he should also be able to hop his consciousness from one body to the next, right?
Uh, no. No, and at some point one of the three editors on this book needed to step up and say “well, Bruce, that’s an interesting idea, but the character doesn’t work like that, so how about if you take a day to either morph it into a new character or actually write a story about the character at hand?” Instead, they let him submit a script that had Creel use the word “corpus” a few times to describe his body followed by the stupidest deus ex machina ending I’ve seen in quite a while. Let me get this straight: The Absorbing Man, always vicious but never too smart (that’s what The Leader was for), figures out how to jump from one body to the next - BUT CAN’T TELL IF THEY’RE DEAD OR NOT? Sweet jeebus, how stupid are we supposed to be? The guy’s smart and disciplined enough to figure out how to hop bodies, but can’t get a handle on figuring out if the body is ALIVE?
Well, I’m not stupid enough to keep buying books this laughably bad. The book hasn’t been much good since its relaunch with #1, but I’ve stuck it out with some minor exceptions since then. Jones started out with a promising first few issues, but it’s gone straight to hell, and not in a good way. This guy was voted as best new talent at Wizard World this month, but between his work here and on the waste of time and paper that is KINGPIN, I have no idea why. THE HULK is a dull retread of ideas we’ve seen over and over in other media with absolutely no charm, no spark, no personality - nothing to recommend it. With the amount of time spent on everybody else in the book but Banner/Hulk, and the dearth of reasons we should give a crap about any of them, there’s just no reason to bother.
FALLEN ANGEL #2
Writer: Peter David
Artist: David Lopez
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewed by Cormorant
I am liking this series a whole freakin' lot. It's like a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a soft, delicious tortilla shell. Mmmmm! Honestly, how often do we get a new series - let alone a new series staged in a longstanding superhero universe – that's got a total air of mystery surrounding every single player involved? As a huge fan of paranoia stories and labyrinthine mysteries, I'm finding this approach to be very innovative. In fact, I'd say this is easily DC's most innovative new title of the year.
Which, naturally enough, means that at a casual glance, folks might not know what to make of it. So I'll give you the quick walk-through. Bete Noire is a fictional city in the DC tradition of Gotham, Metropolis, and Opal City. Except right now…I'm not so sure it physically exists on the material plane. It's all very "DARK CITY" in that Bete Noire seems real but also displaced, and the title of the series alone offers up a hint that the setting may be metaphysical in nature. My favorite little hint as to the setting came in the first issue, though, in which our cloaked, red-haired, morally ambiguous heroine, Lee, was shown to hang out at a bar called "Furors." Now the bartender is this kindly old German named Dolf, see – a friend of Lee's even – and when asked what he did before becoming a bartender, he replied, "I've been a painter, a writer…dabbled in politics, made some enemies…"
Think about that response a sec - I don’t want to insult anyone by drawing a roadmap to explain that darkly humorous reveal. Now ask yourself, "If Dolf is who we think he is, then even though Bete Noir seems to look and function like some sort of creepy American city…is it possible it's not in America, but in fact the bad place?" You know, H – E - Double Hockey Sticks? Or maybe some sort of bizarre Purgatory that exists on both a physical and spiritual level? We know that Doctor Juris, the cultured town magistrate who controls Bete Noire's vice operations, is more or less countered by Lee's vaguely heroic actions, but to what end? Testing souls? And if so, why does he not seem overly evil, she not so nice, and why in god's name are they sleeping together!? We're used to mysterious villains, but how often is the actual protagonist a mystery, and the setting to boot? All I know for sure is that I'm absolutely caught up in it and more anxious for the next issue than I've been on a monthly book in a looooooong time.
So right now you might be thinking, "Sounds intriguing, but I'm nervous about throwing in with this long-running mystery aspect. Why can't a series just establish itself quickly and move on to telling good stories?". Guess what? FALLEN ANGEL does that, too. It’s a pretty neat trick on David's part, making both issues that've been released completely stand-alone stories, while at the same time offering up enough signs and portents as window dressing that you'll also be hankerin' to see the big picture. The first issue had Lee, aka "Fallen Angel", hired by a mother to track down her 18-year-old son who'd moved to Bete Noire as a male prostitute. There were twists 'n' turns, an establishing of characters, and enough action to reveal that Lee has some sort of supernatural physical abilities to go along with her dryly sarcastic wit, but the important thing is that by issue's end, we'd been given a completely satisfying story with a beginning, middle, and end. This is a rare and wonderful thing in an era of paced-for-the-trade six-parters.
Issue two revolves around another case for Lee, as she seems to be some sort of freelance agent. After a night of lovemaking with Doctor Juris (note: while not a Vertigo book, FALLEN ANGEL definitely dabbles with mature themes), Lee catches word through the grapevine that one of Bete Noire's resident drug dealers wants to see her. He's a weird cat, this drug dealer - a grinning, likeable Korean nicknamed "Asia Minor" who apparently helped Lee out during the oft-referenced "Black Mariah" incident that established her as a power player in the city. Lee's meeting with him is interesting. She wises off that the only reason he ever helped her in the first place was because he was after a blow job, but for her own reasons, she offers to help this drug dealer out and the game is afoot. Other players quickly become involved, including Doctor Juris and his bizarre cast of henchmen, and…well, let's just say that, as with the first issue, there are some excellent twists 'n' turns (and a little good-old-fashioned humor and violence) before events resolve themselves. And once again, the seeds of the larger mystery of Bete Noire are sown in the background.
Folks, I'll tell ya straight up that I've never been a follower of Peter David's work, namely because his particular mixture of drama and humor just ain't my thing. But this time he's got me. I'll admit I'm a little nervous, fearful that this innovative new title might take some odd turn I don't like, and realizing I need to see more of the book's veiled relationship with the DC Universe before completely making up my mind on it (I haven't even mentioned the strange and subtle Batman connection in this latest issue, but message boards are alight discussing it). Still, my concerns have largely been pushed to the wayside as I discover something surprising or amusing or cool on nearly every page and panel of this series. The art is perfectly solid, but the book is absolutely writer-driven. With its fascinating cast of scoundrels, whip-smart dialogue hiding multiple meanings, and puzzle-box premise, FALLEN ANGEL offers more bang for your buck in 22 pages than any other title on the stands.
What I'm saying is, "Buy it now."
