Father Geek here with the first (1st) REAL LEAK from the set of Star Wars: Episode 3 and this is no mere BULLSHIT, of that I can assure you. I smell even bigger and hotter leaks hanging over the heads of this project, just waiting to drop... annnnnd I'm sure Latauro will shovel them our way while they're still good and fresh!

A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

I'll keep things short here. Nothing new has been banned, I can't think of any causes that really need me to champion them this week, and I want to go make dinner.

So I'll let you begin with the very first leak from the set of George Lucas's latest digital affair, let you skim over two reviews, and leave you with the promise of a review next week that you will absolutely not want to miss (sorry, that's all you get 'til then).

Enjoy.

NEWS

* Ladies and gentlemen; may I present the first leak from the set of STAR WARS - EPISODE THREE: BLUESCREEN HARVEST. I'll give to you in the words of AICN-D scooper Wookiepoo: "Well, to be frank it's not a leak so much as a DUMP. That's right, it's a biggie and it'll NEVER make the mainstream media. Someone (or someTHING), has been secretly laying huge, fresh, steamy coils daily on the closed lid of the soundstage toilet. Crew members walk in to discover the death star staring them in the face in the form of a wide-calibre, warm, smokini' turd like a whiffy, not-so-hibernating anaconda(2). Said anonymous dumper can strike at any time and appears to be unisex in nature. Production executives suspect an inside job.

Could it be Chewy? Not the turd, I mean, but its perpetrator. Chewbacca is unique in being practically the only fresh main cast member who wasn't here last time. Maybe he needs to keep the Lid shut coz his long legs just can't get him low enough to the bowl. Memos have gone up on noticeboards all over the lot begging the Phantom Crapper to desist in the name of simple human compassion. Is there something symbolic in the message? Is it a hint as to what we might expect from the film itself? These and other questions will be answered and updated as more news comes to hand."

Based on the emails I traded with Wookiepoo, it sounds like this is genuine, but I probably would have posted it even if it weren't (heehee). (Our subsequent emails quickly degenerated into schoolboy gigglings at the use of phrases like "George Lucas is tight with leaks", "Attack of the Turds!" and "Poop scoop" etc. So sue me.)

* For anyone still in doubt about what AICN-D has been telling you for ages, RED DWARF will be lensing in Australia. Joining the production are producers Richard Keddie (TV mini-series "After the Deluge") and Jane Ballantyne (SELKIE). They've formed a partnership with Red Dwarf Films, which will likely shoot in Queensland.

* Anyone in the Melbourne area interested in seeing an advance screening of THE INSIDE STORY followed by a Q&A with director Rob Sutherland and the cast should rock along on Wednesday 23 July to the Rivoli theatre at 6:45pm. Lat is looking forward to the event, and will be there with bells on... and little else.

AWARDS AND FESTIVALS

BMW FESTIVAL OF GERMAN CINEMA August 21 to 31

The festival, playing at the Australian Centre for the Moving Image at Melbourne's Federation Square, kicks off with Goodbye Lenin!, which has won numerous awards and grossed almost $200million worldwide. To find out more about the festival (which will include thirteen other new films), go to www.goethe.de/filmfestival.

(Quick note: if you know of or are involved in a film festival playing anywhere in Australia and New Zealand, send me the info. Our aim is to get as many people seeing as broad a range of material as possible, so get cracking!)

BOX OFFICE

Lat's Angels do him proud, whilst Eddie Murphy reminds us that there is a hell and many of will end up there.

So the Winners are...

• 1. CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE
• 2. DADDY DAY CARE
• 3. BRUCE ALMIGHTY
• 4. HULK
• 5. THE LIZZY MCGUIRE MOVIE

RELEASED THIS WEEK

Tony Martin tries to imagine a world in which police corruption exists in Victoria, Neil Jordan forgets to cast Stephen Rea, the Astor finally play a restored classic in glorious 70mm, Arthur Miller's daughter goes filmic, while Arnie again saves humanity.

Annnnd here they are...

• BAD EGGS
• THE GOOD THIEF
• LAWRENCE OF ARABIA
• PERSONAL VELOCITY
• TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES

REVIEWS

BAD EGGS

Okay, so this was my first premiere, and I was nervous. My first thought was, "I can't say anything bad about this film, I'll never get invited to one of these again!". My second thought was, "But unless I trash the film, my credibility will be nought!". My most recent thought has been, "Maybe I should just say what I think." It may be controversial, but I'll probably have to go with the latter.

BAD EGGS is not without its flaws. There are times when the dialogue falls flat, and there's the occasional line delivery that doesn't work. Also, on the print I saw, the boom comes into shot at least thrice. I want to put these criticisms up front, because this is going to be a fairly praise-ridden review.

It's an Australian film featuring Australian comedians, probably none of who have been heard of outside of Australia and possibly New Zealand. For the moment. One gets the feeling that writer/director Tony Martin made this film purely to amuse himself, yet I couldn't escape the sense that this film has a very broad crossover appeal. And that excited me. We have some brilliant comedians in Australia, and there just hasn't been a proper feature film showcase in order to parade them in front of the world.

Ben Kinnear (Mick Molloy) and Mike Paddock (Bob Franklin) are detectives with Victoria's Zero Tolerance Unit. When they're involved in an unfortunate incident at a shopping mall, they're demoted and forced back to the mundane work they'd tried to escape. They decide to apologise for the mistake they made, and accidentally uncover massive police corruption. Kicked out of the force, they attempt to clear their names.

Doesn't sound like much of a comedy plot, does it? That's intentional. Martin has said in numerous interviews that his plan was to create a serious cop film and drop a bunch of comedians into it. And it works. There's something serious and hilarious about the brilliantly-executed opening. Our introduction to Kinnear and Paddock conveys both urgency and a surreal sense of absurdism. With only a glance down to their coffee cups, Molloy and Franklin elicit a massive amount of humour out of what is a minor character moment. They know they have to chase after the runaway car... but they just bought these coffees. It's only a split-second, but it tells you everything you need to know about these characters and the demeanour of the film.

I don't want to say too much, other than I hope this film gets an international release. When so many Australian films make the majority of us bury our heads in our hands, those films are balanced out by those that we emphatically want the rest of the world to see. Australians, go see it now. Rest of the world, keep an eye on festival programs. It's a film you'll be glad you saw.

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES

I missed the boat on the TERMINATOR films. While my friends were really into JUDGEMENT DAY, my attentions were elsewhere. It wasn't until a year or two ago that I bothered to hire the first two films and watch them through. And you know what? I liked them. I wasn't blown away (the small screen combined with the ageing factor probably diminished my potential enjoyment), but I thought they were good. I liked them a lot.

When I heard about T3, I was convinced it was a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Arnie just wasn't drawing the crowds any more, and a James Cameron-less TERMINATOR film was bound to suck. There was no doubt in my mind.

Well, I've skipped a couple of meals today so I'll have room left to eat my words. It was only on a friend's suggestion that I bothered going, and I was sucked in start to finish. This film is way better than it deserves to be. There's a real depth to the characters, the story, the themes. The acting isn't just passable, it's really good. The direction is really good. The writing is spot-on.

One thing I'd forgotten is that these films aren't really about the Terminator. There is no doubt from frame one to frame last that this is John Connor's film. I now see why they went with Nick Stahl; there's a hopeless and futile depth to his performance. There's someone who doesn't want to accept their destiny, yet isn't quite sure of the nature of destiny. We catch him trying to convince himself of one thing when the other could equally be true. The film raises the questions of self-determination, but doesn't answer them, and rightly so. The characters don't know, so we don't know.

Kristanna Loken as the T-X is superb. You wouldn't think there'd be much for her to do, playing a female version of Robert Patrick, but there is. Portraying robots and mechanised beings on film is one of the most underrated and difficult things for an actor to do. Loken makes us believe that she's a robot, yet she's never boring. It's never like we're watching a toaster oven (although the pleasant exterior may play a small role in this).

But the thing that really got me (aside from the sensational ending, which I won't discuss here) was the logic of the film. How frustrating is it when characters don't do what they should? When they're restricted by either budgetary constraints, lack of imagination, or inconvenient plot devices? There's none of that here. The T-X can control machines by remote, so she takes control of as many as she can and sends them all after Connor. The T-101 (Arnie) can't be *talked* into doing something through wavering of voice and emphatic pleading, but if the person he's programmed to take orders from inadvertently tells him to do something, he must.

There's so much to talk about here, and all of it good. I wanted to hate this film - it's easy to hate the big-budget Hollywood franchise when it's opening against the low-budget Australian comedy - but I don't. Instead, I'm just going to be glad that we had at least two brilliantly entertaining films released on the same day.

RETRACTIONS

- Actress Delta Goodrem was not named after a letter of the Greek alphabet; apparently "Goodrem" is her family name.

- Due to a slight typing error, AICN-D printed, "Paul Verhovan, ROT IN HELL YOU NO-TALENT BASTARD! KEEP AWAY FROM THE ALIEN/PREDATOR FILM OR I'LL GO MEDIEVAL ON YOUR ASS YOU EUROPEAN FUCKNUT!". What we meant to say was, "Happy 65th birthday."

- Further research has concluded that Warner Bros. probably doesn't kidnap children and lead them into their lair of evil. Our apologies to all relevant parties.

Peace out,

Latauro

downunder@aintitcoolmail.com