Hey folks, Harry here with a pair of looks at PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN from a test screening last night. Sounds like it went very very well. I hope the print they saw gets its PG-13 without cuts cuz... well, I really do want to see Zombie Pirate Action! Here ya go...
Pirates of the Caribbean breaks the curse!
Let me start this report with a little back-story. I have lived within earshot of Disneyland since I was a six-month old. Pirates of the Caribbean has been my favorite theme park ride since I could say…. theme park! When I first heard they were making a movie based on my favorite ride, I was skeptical to say the least. I had every reason to be scared. I can list all of great pirate movies on my little dinghy. Then I heard the film was going to be produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. I got a little excited… I actually like his style of films! Then I heard the cast list and said, “Why?” Then I heard…. Gore Verbinski, and then I said…. “Who?” Oh yeah the guy who directed Mouse Hunt? Okay, I really liked Mouse Hunt! I saw The Ring on DVD and was slightly entertained.
So here I am thinking this film could go either way. It has been a REALLY long time since I was like WOW at the movies. I was out at my local theater this weekend and got a pass to see a screening of Pirates… (Insert joyous pirate theme song here)… needless to say… I was stoked! I just got home from the screening and let’s just start from the beginning… The metal detector was a bit much and that cavity search for video cameras brought back memories of Fletch…. (MOOOOOOOON RIVER)! Finally the movie begins… and it’s a… WORK PRINT? Isn’t this cutting it close?
The film opens with our leading lady at an early age at sea with her father (Insert the creepy Bond villain from Tomorrow Never Dies… I am too lazy to get up and look up his freak’n name!)… that was hard to shake most of the film. Her father is the Governor of this Caribbean Island. Their guide at sea is dashing young clean cut sea captain played by Jack Davenport…(Insert Lesbian Spank Inferno here)… (Explanation: Jack plays the character Steve on the BBC show Coupling…and that reference never left my head the whole movie! Sorry Jack!)… back to the show… debris from a battle comes floating around the ship through the murky fog-smoke… and there is a little boy floating around in the water unconscious. He is brought on board where our little Elizabeth discovers a pirate-gold medallion around his neck… she swipes it to keep our little William safe from suspicion of being in league with… oh no…! Pirates! Flash forward to Elizabeth… (Hello, Keira Knightley!)… waking from a dream and getting out the swiped medallion she has kept hidden all these years. She gets a new dress from Dad… (Insert tight corset jokes here)… to celebrate the young Captain’s promotion… We are then reintroduced to William… (Yes girls, I know Orlando Bloom is cute!)… he now has become a skilled sword-forging apprentice… All this and then we get our Hero… Jack Sparrow… (I am sorry that would be Captain, Jack Sparrow!)… played by the always extremely cool Johnny Depp! I can not and will not reveal his entrance into the film… way to funny to spoil here! Comedy ensues with fast paced action shots. Then the medallion is activated… I can’t really explain it… it just does! We discover William has feelings for Elizabeth, but keeps them buried like hidden treasure. We then have a fun duel between William and Captain Jack, long story short… Captain Jack is sent to the slammer.
Later this night our first taste of pirate looting and pillaging as some additional back-story with Captain Jack and the cursed crew of The Black Pearl is explained. Elizabeth is captured by the crew of pirates and is taken to the Captain of the Black Pearl… (Insert Geoffrey Rush as the evil cursed pirate Captain!) Elizabeth uses a false last name and is mistaken by the pirate crew as their intended target… Meanwhile at the hall of Justice…! (Sorry, lost concentration it’s 2:18 in the morning so I might be rambling!) … William and the now freed Jack “acquire” a new fast sailing vessel to go to the pirate island where the pirate curse can be undone. Are you still with me…? There is still a lot more of this story!
Jack tells William that his father was a pirate and not a respectable trade merchant as he had been led to believe… (Insert STAR WARS Obi Won lines here). Then the two of them go off to recruit a crew for their new vessel… Great scenes right out of the theme park ride are all through the film, but are at their best during these scenes.
While this is going on Elizabeth discovers the effects of the curse. The crew plundered some cursed gold coins from Cortez and until the crew returns all of the pieces and sacrifice a certain blood type (long story, can’t explain here) they are damned! The cursed pirates are shown as ghastly skeletons in the moonlight and as humans in the sun. (But wait, it gets worse!)… They also can’t enjoy the taste of food and alcohol… (And the very worst part!) They can’t get any tail! (Celibate Pirates…. Oh that must suck!)
The entire rest of the film is one great battle after another. There are plenty of plot twists and a great ending that might end up at the end of the credits! So keep your eye out at the end!
Overall the film is almost perfect, just don’t go in thinking it’s JAWS or Citizen Kane! I hate it when people forget that films are entertainment! Just relax and have a good f’n time! I will definitely need to see it several more times to really soak it all in! This film is EXTREME EYE CANDY! I can’t wait to see it finished with the proper theme score! The temporary Gladiator theme was starting to annoy me!
My final thoughts from the screening are these… THIS FILM IS AWESOME! PERFECT Story, Effects, Cast, Pacing and Settings! I will be enjoying this film for decades. Great Job Jerry! Great Directing Mr. Verbinski! Great Acting all around!
I will count the days for it’s release and await word of the sequel!
SQUIDWARD
Here's another who liked it and noted the audience and his wife's reaction to this sword clasher...
Dear Harry,
I literally just twenty minutes ago got out of what a suit called the first ever audience screening of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, and I thought I'd drop you a line with some thoughts.
I'll forgo the details of the plot and skip right to my impressions of the picture. The basic gist of it is that Captain Barbosa, played by Geoffery Rush, has kidnapped Elizabeth Swann because he is under the assumption that she will bring and end to the pirateÃs curse. Jack Sparrow and Will Turner, played by Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom respectively, give chase and, of coarse, general wackiness and adventure on the high seas ensues.
Admittedly, the plot is paper thin, but the picture ends up being rather enjoyable. The trailer didn't really induce much excitement to see this thing, but the picture is a fun romp on a slip and slide. It's a fun summer flick that will get you out of the heat and make you forget, for a little while at least, the bullshit that generally fills the day.
It is difficult really to discuss the technical aspects of the movie. The suit at the beginning said that this was a work in progress, and this wasnÃt hyperbole. Many of the special effects were very rough. While the score was decent enough, it was never overbearing and always in sync with the action, I could have sworn that when Geoffery Rush is giving a big speech on top of a mound of gold that I was listening to Wojciech Kilar's score for CoppolaÃs version of DRACULA. The acting in the picture is good all around. Depp is a bit over the top, but then his character is over the top as well. He seems to be having a good old time, and that kind of attitude is infectious. Geoffrey Rush is wonderful as Barbosa. There's hardly a thing this guy can do wrong. I'm tryiing to burn THE BANGER SISTERS from my memory. My only problem is with Orlando Bloom. When he bursts onto the screen for the first time, I could almost hear a collective swoon from the packed theater and I swear to God I could feel the humidity in the room rise as a hundred pussies creamed their panties. I havenÃt seen a reaction like that since Brad Pitt rode in on his steed in LEGENDS OF THE FALL. Unfortunately he has a hard time standing his ground to the likes of Depp and Rush. There are not too many who would not be blown off the screen by those two, so one shouldnÃt blame Bloom too much, but he simply does not have the charm, nor the all around acting chops, to keep himself from being shrunk to nothing during his scenes. He does look a hell of a lot like Errol Flynn, and can wield a sworn with the best of them. Rush has the gift to tell volumes about his character with the way he holds his body and a simple twitch in his eye. Bloom's character is a bit boring, and, not to spoil too much, his character commits an act of betrayal midway through the picture that is unforgivable. I found that I was actually rooting for the pirates to win in this adventure. I guess this is because as a kid I dreamed about being a pirate, and even acted out my own adventures with my Mom's Kirby vacuum attachment as my sword. The minor characters are colorful and are given funny bits of business that carry throughout the movie. The pirates also has more empathy, and infinitely more personality than the British troops that they battle against. The real shock of this movie is Keira Knightly. Anyone who has recently seen that goddamn overrated soccer flick will be knocked out when they see her transformation in this movie. It's sort of like when the cops show up at Jake LaMottaÃs place and show him the picture of the young girl he just fucked. Scorsese gives you the before and after. That is Knightly here. She is, quite simply, ravishing as Elizabeth Swann.
The movie does run a bit too long at two hours and ten minutes. There seems to be three endings tacked onto this thing, the movie just doesn't want to end, and some of the action scenes drag on a bit too long. In the final action scene, there is a gaping plot hole that would have ended the fight about ten minutes earlier. I really would hate to give it away, but, for those who have seen this thing, why doesn't Bloom do what he eventually does to end the fight at the very beginning? I know that doesn't make any fucking sense unless you've seen the movie, and I'm sorry about that, but it was a plot point that nagged me. Still, unlike THE MATRIX RELOADED, the action in this movie seem to come out of the plot and character's action, and do not seem place there just because it would be cool to do it. Honestly, what the fuck is up with the Burly Brawl? What is the point of that scene other than to waste ten minutes on a fight that look more like a cartoon than anything else? The action scenes in PIRATES are well handled and nicely staged.
Two final comments. My guess is that this is a movie that wants to be PG-13. From the cut shown tonight, I donÃt see how that is possible. The picture seemed a bit intense and graphic for that rating. Finally, the movie was actually screened with a digital projector instead of a print of the movie. I guess this is done because of the expense of striking a print, but it really diminished the impact of movie. You could not escape the fact that you were really watching a video. There were constant artifacts, and much of the lighting was rendered murky and the colors were flat. I get the impression that there could be some fairly nice cinematography by Dariusz Wolski, but it was hard to tell with the inadequate was it was screened.
Overall, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN is a nice, entertaining summer movie. It's pure escapist fun. I should point out that my wife absolutely hated this movie. She hasn't reacted this strongly since I drug her to see HOLLYWOOD ENDING. Why does Johnny Depp where eyeliner? Jesus Christ, that's two hours of my IÃll never have back. Thank God it was free. Mindless, mindless bullshit. What can you do? I doubt she ever played pirates using her Mom's Kirby extension to battle for the gold on a summer afternoon.
Take care,
atoep
PS Being that I have never read a comic book in my life, I have a question about X2 that is bugging the shit out of me and I canÃt find anyone who knows the answer. At the end, why didnÃt Iceman turn the oncoming water into ice. Or, for that matter, why couldnÃt Storm create something that could freeze the water? Was it necessary for Dr. Grey to go out and die, or did I miss something that only reading the comic would answer?
Anyway, I love and appreciate the site. Thank you.
Atoep As for P.O.T.C. looks damn good!
