Hey folks, Harry here... watch out for spoilers below, but I have to say... between Bruiser and Cinephile I get the idea that this is a fun film that makes some stupid decisions that sacrifices what could have been truly horrific moments. I'm all for making the "heroes" suffer more in the film, that's what all truly great horror films do to their heroes. It isn't supposed to be handled, it's meant to be survived... maybe.
Hi, Harry;
You may remember my critique of the abominable "Butterfly Effect" from a few weeks ago. Well, last night I attended "Wrong Turn" and walked away with a completely different impression than your other reviewer, Black Bruiser.
The title of the film is self-reflexive in its nature. Everyone in a paying audience will believe that he or she has stepped into the wrong theater, and should've veered into an auditorium showing something that isn't a toothless bastard offspring of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Deliverance."
Now, those two aforementioned films are different brands of backwoods horror. Blending both would ostensibly create what studio execs like to call "synergy" when they want to sound articulate and stuff. I, however, call it "a partial-birth abortion." Worse, Eliza Dushku doesn't even show her delicious midriff.
Eliza's belly + 35mm film stock = synergy. Thank you.
At any rate, you know the story. A half-dozen marginally intelligent, albeit extraordinarily good-looking, twentysomethings are lost in Buttfuck-Nowhere, West Virginia. Ten Little Indians-style, they're picked off by hairlipped ghouls that sling axes and arrows with the precision of Bullseye from "Daredevil."
Naturally, the "stingers" were cranked up to 11, substituting for any real psychological horror, which was omitted from the script. Why don't studios just pay movie theater ushers to hit audience members over their heads with 2x4s at the supposedly "scary" moments? It's essentially the same thing.
The movie has no suspense. At the end of the first act, Eliza, Desmond What's-His-Name, Jeremy Sisto, and The Girl From "On The Line" are hiding in the Inbred Monsters' shanty. The Inbred Monsters lumber through the door, flop a corpse that was formerly the heroes' friend on the dining room table, and proceed to dismember her. Suddenly...THE FILM CUTS TO AN HOUR LATER, AND THE MONSTERS ARE ASLEEP IN THE BEDS!!!
Where's the horror! These kids are helplessly watching their friend get dissected for mere moments, then we fade out. Why is the audience denied watching the Monsters have an obligatory Coed Lunch? More, why is the audience denied watching the poor surviving kids as they witness their friend being eaten?
Remember the dinner table scene near the end of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," where our heroine is tied to a chain and screaming interminably, as her inbred hosts (with Leatherface in his Sunday best) taunt her? Isn't that one of the most unsettling scenes in film history, her descent into madness?
Well, the heroes in "Wrong Turn" must be on 150mg of Zoloft because they tackle each obstacle with such a level head, they'd make John Rambo seem out of his element.
There's a scene in which Eliza and Jeremy are leaping from tree-to-tree, eluding the villains in the black of night. Coincidentally, the first half of the film takes place during mid-afternoon, a time of day that doesn't usually lend itself to horror. Worse, when the sun finally goes down, these kids turn into Greystoke with infrared vision. I'll buy the Monsters with superhuman abilities, but these kids are the same klutzes that accidentally kick over pots and pans while escaping from a shack at ground-level.
This film insults my intelligence. The Inbred Monsters spend an hour trying to kill everything they see, but when they finally get the drop on Eliza, they kidnap her. How many movies have that same inane plot device? Well, they all fucking suck. The only logical reason those Monsters would have to keep Eliza alive is so they can have a nice, warm meal. However, they just tie her to the bed back home, almost waiting for Desmond to come and rescue her.
However, I didn't want Desmond to save her. I wanted that little Kevin Costner-wannabe to haul his gangly ass out of the woods, waving his arms and screaming like the bitch he is. Meanwhile, I wanted to see the Inbred Monsters make Eliza airtight. That's a fucking horror film, Mr. Stan Winston!
The Cinephile.
