Everyone is eventually returning to their seats, the lights are dimming, the beautiful red draping curtain is opening, the screen is coming down, the film is BEGINNING...

Note to readers: insert Howard Shore’s “The Two Towers” score CD now...

ACT II: The Film.

Now, I’ve only read 1/2 of FOTR and haven’t even touched the pages of TTT or ROTK, and when I think of what the word passion means to me, I think of film in general... and women, too, of course.

I’m also as big of a fan of FELLOWSHIP, the film, as there is. I’ve watched that film to the point of memorization. It’s ingrained in my memory, etched like hauntingly beautiful poetry in my mind. It is for certain one of my favorite films of all time. It’s the most passionate piece of work I’ve seen in A VERY LONG TIME, a bold reinvention of the fantasy genre. I say all this without hesitation.

The overall theme of my story has been all my opinion, so to be consistent, I will continue in that line and give you my opinion of the film. I’m only offering a short, spoiler-free summary, so away we go!

Nothing anyone has said or will say will prepare you for what you are about to see. Nothing I say in this piece will either.

THE TWO TOWERS is the grandest action/adventure film that has ever graced the silver screen and the most accomplished visual effects film in the history of cinema. It is also the most breathlessly-paced 3-hour tour (de-force) I’ve ever seen. Can anyone say “roller-coaster”?

Lucas, Spielberg, Cameron, NONE of them have ever made a film that is this grand, this glorious, this bold. Stop rolling your eyes, PLEASE! Tom Cruise did enough of that in MINORITY REPORT. After viewing TTT, you think maybe you shouldn’t have even seen it, because it’s going to ruin every other film you thought you loved before it (and possibly after). This film raises the bar. And that is indeed a grand thing.

Has Peter Jackson finally been given the tools to show the world what he can really do? Is it hyperbole to say that the man’s mind is endlessly inventive? Oh, man, I wish I could discuss in detail the film’s many set pieces, since any one of them alone is worth the price of admission.

To say that the film’s opening is a “showstopper” is an understatement. To say that Gollum is the most impressive CGI character in the history of cinema is an understatement. To say that Helms Deep is the most impressive battle scene in the history of cinema is also an understatement.

To say that the work that WETA Digital/WETA Workshop, under the mad genius of Richard Taylor, has done here isn’t the biggest FU you to every other FX house in the business would also be a gross understatement. ILM, Sony Imageworks, The Mill, and Digital Domain are all going to be sent scrambling back to their offices wondering what in the hell Richard Taylor and his New Zealanders have been eating these last 5 years.

Did all these people know they were going to create the best trilogy of films in history when they started this project? HARRY POTTER, the STAR WARS prequels... nothing, nothing compares. I say they’re all rubbish by comparison. And for the record: I loved HARRY POTTER & THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS and I love ATTACK OF THE CLONES. This is not empty fan-boy rhetoric. But there must be a winner. Or not. It doesn’t matter: SEE THIS FILM!

TTT continues to top itself from the opening frame on. There is a progressive build. It is a subliminal pressure that mounts. In fact, I’ve never seen a movie that has ever so successfully topped itself scene after scene. I also haven’t seen a film in a long time that generates such intense audience reaction and involvement.

I know, I know, I know what you’re saying, all of you lurking there in the darkness of your home computers, gas-can and matches in hand... “It was THE WORLD PREMIERE, but let this fact not evade your conscience: the Ziegfeld was not filled with a bunch of geeky Tolkien freaks, it was full of snooty stars and celebrities. The entire theater must’ve cheered at least 15 times and gave the film a HUGE round of applause when the end credits rolled!

Now... ready for the bad stuff?

And set down that gasoline can, damn it... this won’t be too painful. I promise.

Okay, after waxing rhapsodic to an almost ridiculous degree (even though I think it’s all deserved), I’ll cite the film’s few shortcomings.

Amidst the enormous spectacle and scale of the film, I missed some of the smaller, more intimate moments from FOTR. This film is also a bit colder than FOTR. And it has a much more difficult task of telling three splinter-stories, all at once. You see, the fellowship has broken. You’ll know more once you see the film. The narrative approach reminds me of Lucas’s signature climactic endings that have become the staple of every Star Wars film - except with TTT it’s spread across a full three hours of the film.

I imagine it must’ve been doubly difficult to edit this film. At what point in each story do you decide to cut off the narrative energy? At what point will it not feel jarring to the audience to crosscut from one story to the other? It’s an inherent risk, and the film loses some of the storytelling richness of the last film. However, the difficult editing decisions that have been made are excellent ones.

Of the three stories, the Treebeard story is the least interesting. Treebeard himself is well designed but the work on him is probably the least impressive in the film. Compared to any other standard in any other film, he looks fantastic, but compared to Gollum, the Wargs, the Oliphaunts and the “new” Nazgul, he’s not quite at the same level of three dimensionality. I’m hoping the Extended Edition of TTT will add a bit more depth and history to the Ents, Treebeard, and their place in Middle Earth.

I’d also like to note that Christopher Lee as Saruman has very little screen time in this film and he hardly makes an impact, except for one moment when he overlooks his massive army. For that moment, it’s as if Leni Riefenstahl took her camera and dropped it into Middle-Earth. It’s one of the more powerful images in the film and a great Hitler-like moment.

And then there’s Gollum...

When I saw Andy Serkis at the afterparty, I told him, “If the academy ever grows a pair of balls, they’d nominate you for best supporting actor”, and he responded, “Oh, thank you. Thank you very much, man... that’s great.” Sitting so close to the screen, I had the opportunity to examine every single subtle detail of Gollum’s design. To think that he’s just a bunch of pixels and numbers and wire framing and motion capturing... well, I refuse to believe it. There is a soul behind those eyes. There is a four dimensional person in more ways than one inside this character. There’s a moment in the film where he breaks down and begins to really lose it and just cannot take the pain of not having his “precciousssss.” It’s the best character moment in the film, and that is really saying something, considering how strong the performances are from the whole ensemble. Gollum will not be insignificant in 10 years when the technology advances once again to an exponential degree because Andy Serkis’s heart is buried in that computerized performance, and the film is richer for it.

Thank you to all involved.

One Night to Bring Them All, And In The Library Bind Them.

ACT III: The Afterparty.

The film faded to black, Gollum’s theme playing over the end credits, and the audience sat through most of it, clapping for the major cast and crew credits. Our fellowship of six then proceeded outside, back into the frigid cold, and hopped onto one of seven Greyhound buses provided by New Line. The party was held at the New York Public Library, a HUGE place. We entered the dimly lit exhibit halls where martinis and long-faced Lothlorien Elves awaited us... REALLY.

The first thing we did, before anything else, was EAT!! That movie made us famished, so we probably looked like a pack of Gavonnes, but we didn’t care as my friends and comrades and I just starting eating like pigs.

Roasted turkey, roasted ham, and garlic-mashed potatoes were on hand in abundance and cooked to absolute perfection. I had about 3 different plates full. Then the drinking began. After a few pints and whole-halves of martinis, vodka & tonics, vodka & cranberry, and even a couple of Guinesses, I felt more than up to the task of talking to the cast and crew.

Upon reflection, I can honestly say I had some really fantastic conversations with Mark Ordesky, Philipa Boyens and Richard Taylor. They were all so friendly, and I think I talked to each one of them for at least 10 minutes.

Mr. Ordesky was genuinely interested in how I felt about the film and told me that, from what he knows, the extended DVD cut of TTT is going to clock in at about 3 hours and 35 minutes. I told him I had already heard it would end up being over four hours and he said, “I have no knowledge of it being quite that long.”

I also asked Philipa Boyens about nervously adapting the popular novels and how difficult that was. She said in her charming New Zealand accent, “It’s a nightmare but Peter, Fran and I just brainstorm and wrap our heads around the material and somehow we come up with something.” Philipa was standing next to Christoper McQuarrie, screenwriter of THE USUAL SUSPECTS, and she told me, “Now, he’s somebody I wish I could write like.” She also asked me where I was from, then told me her daughter loves guys with New Jersey accents. I said, “ME?! An accent?!” It was a cute little moment. Hehehe.

I also had a chance to speak with super-producer Barry Osbourne (APOCALYPSE NOW, GODFATHER II, THE MATRIX series, and LORD OF THE RINGS, just to name a few) for a few brief minutes. He enjoyed Italian cookie after Italian cookie as we spoke. I told him I was a reporter from AICN and that Harry Knowles sent me out to cover the film. He slowly turned his head and looked at me with his scrunched eyes and said, “Oh, yeah? That’s fantastic. What did you think of the film?”

I told him, “It was possibly the best adventure film ever made, and it’s quite obvious that Richard and WETA have graduated to another level.” He seemed very gratified and told me he was looking forward to reading my article on the net and asked what nickname it would be under.

After speaking with Barry, I quickly shook hands with Howard Shore and told him how big a fan of his score I was. And then, for probably a good six minutes, I just stared at Miranda Otto. My friend caught me and slapped me and said, “Dude, you’re friggin’ starin’. STOP IT.”

You see, I have a tendency to stare when I have a few drinks in me. I drift off. What can I say? *shrug*

I decided to take a break from trying to speak with celebrities for a while and found my friends who were spread out all over the party. We all took a few moments to actually think about where we were and we just all looked at each other and once again said, “What in the #%@$ are we doing here?!”

It was the theme of the night, really.

Three of the biggest highlights of the night came next!

I got a great picture with Hugo Weaving, and I said, “Hey, I hear you only do trilogies now. Is that true?” He started laughing, so I told him that I loved him in both THE MATRIX and LOTR, and that every time I watch FOTR, I can’t help but think he’s going to say, “Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson.” Yes, I know, it’s a very old and very bad joke, but he really liked that one and started chuckling. I asked him one big favor.

“You gotta give me a ‘Mr. Anderson,’ man. You gotta!”

He bent down a little, because the guy is like friggin 6’5 and he called me “Mr. Anderson” right there in the middle of the party. I couldn’t believe it!

I also had the great privilege of speaking with Andy Serkis, the soul behind Gollum, towards the tail-end of the night as well. He struck me as a really warm man that kept to himself and seemed sort of awestruck by the whole affair. I told him earlier that he deserved an Oscar, and we talked about how cold the water was in the scene where he jumps in to catch a fish. He said, “Oh, man, that water was frigid cold, mate.”

Barry Osbourne interrupted us and we all had to say goodbye to Gollum. Hell of a nice guy, he was. Yesssssss.

Oh! Before Andy left, he did give us a “my preccciousss”! It was priceless!

To cap the night off, I had the great fortune of speaking to Richard Taylor. He’s also a very tall man, and when you speak to him in person, his Kiwi accent isn’t quite as pronounced as it is in interviews. We talked about the immense scale of THE TWO TOWERS and how massive MASSIVE actually is. We talked about Helms Deep and the quarter scale Bigature that Weta Workshops created for the film. Richard said, “Peter was very intent on creating a SAVING PRIVATE RYAN-like experience with Helms Deep, and he wanted to create grand scale moments, but he also stressed the importance of individual and interpersonal sequences as well.” Richard also went on to say, “We learned this much from ATTACK OF THE CLONES: it looks amazing from afar, but there is very little stressing of the individuals and their interaction with everything that’s happening around them.”

EPILOGUE: The lights in the library went up, the last call was made, and the crowd filed out. Most of the stars faded into the east, the elves had long since passed, and there hadn’t been any dragons for ages. My fellowship of six huddled together, looked at where we were, and promised never to forget what we had been to.

We walked outside, back into the harsh weather, wrapping our jackets tight as we waited for our boy Bill the limo driver, our night winding down. We were meant to have those tickets, just as Bill was meant to drive us. And that was an encouraging thought.

Thinking back to the beginning of my story... what if I hadn’t been in the room at that exact time to get the tickets? What if New Line hadn’t contacted Harry? Barring all scientific talks of Chaos Theory and theological inquiries into Predestination, we know that even the very wise cannot see all ends. All we can do is make the best choices with the time that has been given to us.

The curtain call was made, the experience came to an end but it will never leave us, it will never be forgotten. We may never have a better experience in our lives. Upon reflection, my youthful enthusiasm may seem elated, but it is exactly what it is: a real and genuine emotional moment trapped in time, that needn’t be questioned, and will never be revisited again.

A Fellowship of friends on a journey to The World Premiere of The Two Towers in NYC comes to a close.

For The Time Will Soon Come, When TTT Will Shape The Fortunes Of All Moviegoers...

This concludes my coverage. In closing, I’d like to briefly summarize my favorite 1000 movies.

Just kidding.

It goes without saying that I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to Harry, Moriarty, Ain’t It Cool News, and of course Gordon Paddison and the folks at New Line for giving us this unforgettable opportunity!

I hope I did a little something different here and didn’t just supply yet another nuts n’ bolts schematic of a movie. You can get that in lots of places. Instead, I intended to relay a bold story of the everyman, the common-man, actually, make that “simple-men”, who didn’t just sit in a darkened theater for 2+ hours, but who shared a fantastic adventure they will look back on and think about in their minds and feel inside their hearts for the rest of their lives. If it was almost as if you went along with us on our journey, then this report has served its purpose.

Thank you for listening.

You can call me Yoda1.

Namarie.

I’d like to also point out, as Yoda1 did for me, that one of our other chatters, BilboFett, really helped him shape the above material into something worth sharing with you. Great work from all involved, and I’m very glad it worked out the way it did for you. Can’t wait to see the film very, very soon for m’self...

"Moriarty" out.