DIE ANOTHER DAY review

The new James Bond movie is the closest we’ll have seen to a great BOND film since ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE or FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. In fact there are things that could take it the rest of the way to greatness, but when the film falters, you’ll curse the screen.

The opening sequence – CLASSIC BY THE BOOK JAMES BOND! Note perfect in every way. The North Korean element of this film is just a little oddly timely what with the Bush Administration and the North Koreans’ little press tango in regards to who has Nuclear Weapons and where they want to use them, send them and whatnot. As a result, for the first time, in a LONG time Bond seems to be being placed in a hyper-REAL version of our world, where super-spies not masses of ground troops decide the fate of the world. In this universe, we send one super-spy/assassin to take the risk that in the world we live in… we’d ask of 100,000 or more. After an absolutely thrilling opening with super cool hovercrafts…

Segue into the title sequence and song. As anyone, but the hearing impaired, will swear in a court of law that Madonna’s DIE ANOTHER DAY white noise is by far the worst song ever in the history of film, much less James Bond. The actual visual aspect of the opening credits was spectacular. Really great work, only there was no mute button in the theater. I thought maybe this song was a set up. A song so bad that it instantly creates a vicious hatred for her, so when she appears in her cameo later in the film, perhaps a wayward swing of a sword would lob off her head, thus causing every audience in the world to stand up and applaud the film for 3 solid minutes. Alas… that never happened. That’s just a minor flaw though. Heh.

After Madonna’s aural atrocity dribbles off like a syphilitic limp prick of a song, the movie soars… Bond disheveled tortured, upon death’s door, disgraced, dishonored and humiliated. Out of MI6 and out to restore his good name. These are all good things. Note Brosnan’s Hospital appearance. Has Brosnan’s 6’2” frame ever seemed more massive. I don’t know how tall Judi Dench is, but she really does seem like one of the wee people from King Brian’s secret clan of Ireland. In addition to pairing him visually on screen with the diminutive Dench, the set design of the hospital is set in such a way as to highlight his form. I believe there are some forced-perspective elements being used to make him seem like a super-hero size.

His entrance into Hong Kong at his ‘regular’ hotel – CLASSIC. There’s just something classic about how you can strip every bit of official status away from Bond, but he simply knows too much about the world, has too many connections, he’s merely too cool to stop.

I love how he goes from having no funds to basically using a enemy country to get the tools he needs to get the job done. When he first appears in Cuba… again Perfect. Bond isn’t just about Tuxedoes, James Bond is a man, perfectly perfect in each and every situation. His shirt, pants, shoes… He is a gentleman on sabbatical in Havana. It filled me with delight. Then, how he activates a deep mole in Cuba, how he uses the man in the wheelchair, the car he drives – which btw is the coolest fucking thing Bond has ever drove – well he’s just James Bond. Oh and his Derek Flint tactic to lure the orderlies into pacification. Perfect!

Enter Halle Berry – A great entrance shot… that bikini tying in to Ursula Andress’ Honey Ryder’s bikini from DR.NO. This film, from top to bottom reminds, references and exists in the world of Bond history. Now, her back and forth with Bond… there’s something no quite right about it, and I think I know what it is. Bond, when he delivers his quips, his sly wry comments about the womanly form in his presence… Bond is doing so in a joke to himself, to amuse Bond, not as a joke for others. It’s dialogue reflecting the male machismo internal monologue. HOWEVER, Halle Berry’s Jinx. Well her dialogue is a joke. Her delivery of it is straight out of Matt Helm, which isn’t quite the right tone, I FEEL, for Bond. Of course, since she is an NSA spy, she is in on the joke of bedding and using a man for what she needs and wants. There is a nice sort of, fierce aggressiveness to the way she comes on to Bond. Their love scene though was both hot and disappointing. This is an PG-13-rated Bond film that cries out to be R. With an R- this Bond could have escalated and been something we’ve never seen from a Bond movie. It had a chance, beginning with this love scene, then continuing through to the next level of physical altercations that Bond has in terms of both violence and sensuality to really engage the audience on a level that was a bit more than we’ve seen before.

Rick Yune’s ZAO is one helluva cool bad guy. His ‘sparkling’ personality just looks cool as hell. I mean… I LOVE THAT LOOK. Zao is the thug character of the film. The #2. Now we’ve never had a better #2 than Robert Shaw’s Red Grant in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE… and the reason for that is simple. Red wasn’t dumb, he was intelligent, physically powerful and aggressive. There’s never been a better fight scene in a Bond film than that Train fight between Connery and Quint… hehehe… HOWEVER, I really dig Zao’s menace. The trick car vs trick car showdown is just – awesome. I love that he’s smarter than the average thug. He has a level of sadism to him, but he’s also just cool.

Now, for the real bad guy, lots of scene chewing fun. His entrance, cocky and just as slimy as a Pancho’s Ice Machine in Houston, TX. There’s an air of caviar and champagne about him that just doesn’t feel right, a smile that cavorts and mates with a sneer beneath his aristocratic nose. Then there’s that swagger, ya want to just beat his ass in a non-Ravian manner. His parachute entrance to the film for the British tabloid press is perhaps the most audacious entrance for a Bond villain that I can recall. I like this guy, and I found him oddly familiar, and it was only when he turned profile and squinted did it hit me… This was the fellow that played the young Clint Eastwood in those eerie (in the past) scenes in SPACE COWBOYS. This fellow Toby Stephens has that right balance of cockiness and lethal not-so-mad sense of purpose. Toby Stephens’ Gustav Graves is great. Just great.

Now, I could talk about how geeky cool the collection of vintage Bond ephemera was, or the joyfully ridiculous ice palace, or how completely silly yet wonderful it was to resurrect the DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER evil genius device, but ya know… in the service of how they use it… very cool. Plus, it is just realized better here.

Ultimately, I was a bit disappointed with ACT 3.

I don’t want to get into aggressive spoilers, but you know how in the classic Bond films, we’d have all sorts of Bond vs bad guy battles, but in the end… What really made Bond so fucking cool, was he could call in an army of guys to back him up. And the end battles escalated.

When I heard dialogue about a million troops here and a hundred thousand troops there… I moved to the edge of my seat. Was I about to see the show stopping holy shitake mushroom ending of a Bond flick? Would that be the backdrop for whatever the personal conflict that Bond would find himself embroiled in? No.

Ultimately, the film dropped the ball on taking me to a point that I hadn’t dreamed would be in the film, until Michael Madsen started spouting out his badass numbers. Bringing about a full on conflict there at the end would have been spectacular. It would’ve escalated the importance of Bond to a level he’d never really been seen in a film. Fighting the most important battle on the edge of what could literally be a war.

Alas.

While I did not get that powerful third act that I wanted… the Afterwards was bliss. The scene with Bond and Moneypenny is a classic of the ilk, I haven’t seen since Connery. It literally was a smile that brought a tear. Great work there.

This was a fun as hell Bond movie, it isn’t the best since GOLDFINGER, because after GOLDFINGER you had ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE and FOR YOUR EYES ONLY and THE SPY WHO LOVED ME… But this is on the level of those last two – though ever so slightly less because of the aural abortion of Madonna’s. It should be destroyed as a pox upon mankind. Ewwww, I hate that song. Yucky yucky yuck! Patooie!