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AICN COMICS: TalkBack League of @$$Holes Reviews!!

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

Holy CRAP, this is one big column. You guys make me look like a haiku artist.

Hey kids, JonQuixote here.

This week, on a very special Talkback League of @$$holes: After an encounter with a mugger, Tootie starts to wonder if she should carry a gun.

Oh shit. That’s not @$$holes, that’s Facts of Life. I get the two confused sometimes.

RISING STARS #20

J. Michael Straczynski: Writer

Brent Anderson: Artist

Top Cow/Joe’s Comics: Publisher

Vroom “Natalie” Socko: Special Reviewer

Well, one potential reason for this title’s delay can be found in this issue. The final two pages feature an appearance by Dubya, where his public plans to deal with the Specials is strikingly similar to the War on Terror. In all honesty, this part doesn’t work for me, not because I disagree with the assessment of Dubya, but because it drew me out of the story. But that’s just the final two pages, the rest of the book… Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Specials, gifted with phenomenal powers, have been using their abilities to benefit mankind. Jerry Montrose, for example, has spent the better part of a decade burning cocaine fields to dust. Jason Miller has been collecting and burying the world’s entire nuclear arsenal, leaving each country one warhead apiece. Other Specials have worked to eliminate hate crimes, poverty, and pollution. They’ve made the sort of difference the JLA, or even the Authority can only dream of. But as Bill Hicks one said, “now, if that isn’t a threat to this country…”

The U.S. military, having discovered the Specials venerability to EMP bursts, have already killed Jerry just to see if they could. Now they’re targeting them all, starting with the comatose Matthew Bright. Fortunately, Matthew is under the protection of Jason, who’s dying from radiation poisoning and has nothing to lose.

This book suffers from tardiness more than any other comic, with the possible exception of Planetary. I mean, really! Only four issues in one year? This 24-part story was supposed to be completed a year ago! But after seeing page fourteen of this issue, or reading the chilling words of the General in charge of eliminating the Specials, all is forgiven. Especially after page fourteen. No comic character, from Superman to Dr. Manhattan to Captain America has ever looked as majestic or awe inspiring as this Special. (Due to its spoiler nature, I will not name him. But sweet Christ, this is the best “You don’t know just who you’re fucking with,” image I’ve ever seen.)

I’m reserving final judgment until I have issue twenty-four in my hands, but as it stands now Rising Stars is the best superhero story ever. Better than Watchmen, better than Batman: Year One, better than The Phoenix Saga. These characters are the only ones in the superhero genre that feel like real people, and J. Michael Straczynski has raised the bar higher then it’s ever been set for this type of story. If you’re not reading this book, you are doing yourself a massive disservice.

HALO & SPROCKET #3

Writer/Artist: Kerry Callen

Publisher: Slave Labor Graphics

Reviewed by “Mrs. Garrett” Cormorant

It’s October, and a few months from now we’ll be creeping up on the end of the year. You know what that means, don’t you? Self-indulgent “Best of the Year” lists, baby! I’ve already begun compiling mine, which will include such ultra-hip categories as “Best Monkey of the Year” (it’s neck and neck between Po Po from WAY OF THE RAT and Ampersand from Y – THE LAST MAN) and “Best Artist That Only I Love” (Igor Kordey all the way! In your face, playa-haters!). But when it comes to the BIG categories – “Best New Title”, for instance – I have to take things a little more seriously. Right now I’m considering FABLES, Y - THE LAST MAN, 100%, SANDWALK ADVENTURES, and an unsung but wonderful little comic called HALO & SPROCKET.

The premise of HALO & SPROCKET sounds like the stuff of the most cornball sitcoms: a young, single woman lives with a robot and an angel, and wackiness ensues. I almost hesitate to mention the simple premise because it’s the kind of thing that could make the comic easy to dismiss, and this is a title that really deserves a chance. Just remember that any premise distilled down to its core can sound goofy – the brilliant CALVIN AND HOBBES was just a comic about a kid who imagined his stuffed cat came to life, right? Riiiiight. – but the execution is all important. I mention CALVIN & HOBBES, because that’s the strip HALO & SPROCKET most reminds me of. In particular, they share a surreal blend of wonky fantasy with heartfelt reality, and both combine whimsy with a touch of subversiveness. And they’re both funny as hell.

This latest HALO & SPROCKET follows in the footsteps of previous issues in dividing its 24 pages into three vignettes, each one self-contained, and none of them requiring knowledge of previous issues. Once you know the premise on this book, pretty much every issue is a jumping-on point. The story concepts are simplicity itself: Halo tries to teach Sprocket how to express his anger; Sprocket muses over miniature collectables and the notion that small things are inherently cute; and a telemarketer calls the house. These scenarios are typical of the book’s observational humor, with Katie (the girl) generally representing the emotional side of conversations, Sprocket on the logical side, and Halo throwing in his philosophical two cents (and some of the book’s best lines). Here’s a snippet from the telemarketer’s conversation with an increasingly impatient Halo:

Telemarketer: Umm…may I ask your age please?

Halo: My age?! I AM A SUBSEQUENT CREATION MANIFESTED FORTH FROM THE LAST CELESTIAL EVENT POINT, ETERNAL AND UNMEASURED!

Telemarketer: Excuse me?

Halo: I am older than the sky itself.

Telemarketer: Ha ha, I hear you! I feel that way myself some days…

Simple premise, funny execution. Kerry Callen is a new talent to me, though a sneaky peak at his website reveals that he’s a commercial cartoonist who’s done art for greeting cards and party supplies using pre-existing characters from companies like Disney and Warner Brothers. He’s dabbled in comics as far back as the 80’s, but my impression is that HALO & SPROCKET is his largest project to date. Normally, the greeting cards connection would set off some alarms for me (“GASP! A commercial artist?! He don’t know the streets, man!”), but the honest-to-god truth is that that training has apparently allowed Callen to hone a really slick cartooning style reminiscent of talented indie cartoonist, Andi Watson (BREAKFAST AFTER NOON, SLOW NEWS DAY). His art is simple but expressive, makes judicious use of halftones, and has an element that I think is often key to the best humor cartoonists: the drawings are funny in and of themselves. Just flipping through the issue right now, I’m finding that any number of panels can make me laugh out loud at a glance.

Final judgment: Humor comics are experiencing something of a Renaissance these days, exemplified by titles like BARRY WEEN, BLUE MONDAY, AGENT X, Sergio Aragones’ ACTIONS SPEAK and LOUDER THAN WORDS, LIBERTY MEADOWS, and of course, the rare issue of Evan Dorkin’s DORK!. And now it’s time to add HALO & SPROCKET to the list. What sets HALO & SPROCKET apart from the others is that its humor is perhaps a little more gentle, but no less hilarious for its all-ages-friendly approach. Want to sample one of the vignettes? Just follow this link, kiddies, and then see about making sure your local comic shop is carrying one of the best new books of the year.

NOBLE CAUSES: FAMILY SECRETS # 1

Written by Jay Faerber

Art by Ian Richardson, Jonboy Meyers, John Wycough, Damon Hacker, Phil Balsman, Chris Sotomayor, Jeremy Roberts, J. Brown

Published by Image

SPRINGBALL # 1

By Shanth Enjeti

Published by Enjeti Comics

Reviews by “Tootie” Maverik

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird...

Cheap Trick

Welcome to 1981. A new season of DALLASTY is taking over the prime time soap world. This time around, J.R., Alexis, Bobby, Fallon and the entire Carewington clan all have superpowers! Yes, your favorite glamorous, horny backstabbers are now world famous superheroes!

Not exactly. FAMILY SECRETS is the second NOBLE CAUSES mini-series. Writer Jay Faerber has created an extended Fantastic Four that is more at home in the world of night time drama than the comic shop. He does a great job with a great concept. If you're like me, for superheroes to really hold your interest any more, you need a twist. We've seen the superheroes and fame twist. Faerber, aided by artist Ian Richardson, gives us the superheroes and fame as a soap twist.

In NOBLE CAUSES, ordinary gal Crystal...I mean, Liz Donnelly married Wally West style superhero Race Noble. Race is part of the famed superhero family the Nobles. Dad, "Doc" Noble, is a Reed Richards/ Doc Savage genius who prefers machines to his family. Mom, Gaia, controls the elements and wants to keep her family in the public eye, with the media seeing what she wants it to see. Oldest son, Rusty, is trapped in a robot body. His wife Celeste, sort of a cross between Emma Frost and Dark Phoenix, is having an affair with Rusty's half brother, Frost who looks like the lovechild of Lobo and Iceman. Frost is Gaia's child from an extramarital affair. Teenage daughter, Zephyr, controls the winds but cannot control her libido. She's pregnant and family friend Krennick, who looks sort of like the Underwood devil, has claimed paternity to get the family off Zephyr's back.

Faerber uses the linking device of Liz being interviewed on a talkshow to bring us up to speed and move us into the new story. Race is dead and Liz doesn't want to do interviews, but Gaia can't have the family out of the media. Liz's pat answers are juxtaposed with what is really going on in the Noble family.

I highly recommend that you stay tuned.

Meanwhile, does anybody miss the early days of Image Comics? I mean, anybody besides SPRINGBALL creator Shanth Enjeti? If you do, SPRINGBALL is the comic book for you.

Actually, those early Image books have their own appeal and so does Springball. The art is really good. Very dynamic and quirky. Springball is a superhero. We don't know anything else about him. He bounces around the generic superhero city fighting crime. He has some sort of super-bungee, with one end attached to his back and the other end culminating in a ball that has the same design as his mask.

Springball is about to end up in a fight with a mad scientist who has turned himself into a human frog. That's pretty cool. And the book has some great, EC style, overly dramatic lettering.

Enjeti is a talented artist and designer. He's not a writer. This could be a fun comic if Enjet were working with a writer whose talent equalled Enjeti's artistic abilities.

Title: DETECTIVE COMICS #775

Writer: Greg Rucka

Pencils: Rick Burchett

Inks: Jim Royal

Publisher: DC Comics

Reviewer: Ambush “Jo” Bug

Transcript taken from Dr. Lovey’s Loveline

DR. LOVEY: Dr. Lovey’s Loveline. This is Dr. Lovey. How can I help you, honeychile?

CALLER: Dr. Lovey? I-I just can’t win. (sob-sniff…sob-snort) No matter what I do. I just can’t win. (sniff-sniff)

DR. LOVEY: Now slow down. Slow down, chile. What’s your name?

CALLER: My name? Uhm…my name is…Wayne. Uhm. Wayne Bruce…ster…son.

DL: Okay, Wayne. What can Dr. Lovey do for you?

C: Well, there’s this girl and she…(sniff) and she…doesn’t want to be with meeee (sob…sniff-snort).

DL: Hold on a second, chile. Get’cho self a box of tissue. You’re gettin’ all phlegmy. And if there’s one thing Dr. Lovey can’t stand, it’s a phlegmy man with woes.

(Sound of nose blowing)

DL: So. You’ve got woman problems. Tell me all about ‘em.

C: This is all confidential, right?

DL: It’s just you, me, my sound and camera crew, my creditors, my team of lawyers, and the TV audience here, chile. Speak freely.

C: Well...(sniff) I guess it’s okay then. I’ve never really had any luck with the ladies. Sure, I can charm the pants off of them if I wanted to. And I’ve got some cash saved up, so there are times when I have to beat them away with a batarang, I mean, baseball bat. But I always kept them at a distance. I never felt comfortable letting my guard down. Taking my mask off, if you will.

DL: This is a common problem, chile. Go on. Be a little more specific for Dr. Lovey.

C: Okay, well, there was this one woman I dated for a while. Vicky. She was a photographer. All inquisitive and snoopy. She wanted to know everything about me and I wasn’t ready for that. But she’s long gone. I heard she was with Prince and a Baldwin. And I think now she’s doing something with Eminem.

DL: The rapper?

C: Yeah.

DL: That poor chile. Go on.

C: Then there was Selina. She was into the same type of things that I was. Adventure. Thrills. Leather. Body armor.

DL: Dear lord!

C: But she was bad news. Not all there in the head, if you know what I mean. Even compared to me. Then there was Talia, but her dad got in the way of that relationship. And Silver and Ivy and Shondra. The list goes on and on. Finally, there was Vesper, but she died.

DL: What about this new girl?

C: You see, Dr. Lovey, I’ve had a bad year. I was framed for a crime I didn’t commit. I alienated my friends when they tried to help me. And this girl, Sasha. Her job was to look over me. Protect me. Like a mother, you know?

DL: She’s not your mother though, right?

C: No, she’s not my mother.

DL: Well, that’s good. I would’ve had to direct you to Incest Talk with Professor Steve for that one. Continue.

C: Well, Sasha was a great bodyguard. She was dedicated to me. She was truly selfless. Brave. Beautiful. Tough. Everything I would want in a woman. We started to get kind of close, but she was my bodyguard. She worked for me, but I let her in to all of my secrets. She was the Kevin Kostner to my Whitney Houston. During the whole murder/frame-up deal, she kept quiet. She went to prison for me and kept quiet. She was offered freedom for the truth and she still kept quiet. I don’t know if some of my greatest allies would’ve stood up to that much pressure, but she did.

DL: She sounds like a woman of great character.

C: Sasha was a great character. Writer Greg Rucka spent about a year and a half developing her into a totally three-dimensional cast member. The concept was lame at first, but she developed into a strong supporting player. One as equally important in my life as my butler or my wards. In DETECTIVE COMICS #775, I lay it all out on the table and tell her how I feel about her.

DL: It’s good to express your true feelings.

C: You see, like I said before. I don’t usually let people into my world. I’m always guarded. I’m this dark, brooding knight, eager to take on outside problems, but not willing to deal with problems of my own. In this issue, I came clean about my feelings for Sasha. It was the closest thing to the real Bruce Wayn…er…Wayne Brucesterson that people will ever see. And it didn’t feel heavy handed or contrived. The frustration and guilt I felt about Sasha’s struggles finally came to a head and I actually had a heartfelt and honest conversation with her about it all. It was probably the most honest conversation I have had with anyone in a very long time.

DL: Sounds like a touching scene.

C: It was a touching scene. One rendered eloquently by the talented artist Rick Burchett. He sure did a good job depicting the sadness on my face and the somberness of the subject matter. Since the final poignant scene didn’t have any fisticuffs or action, Burchett faced a pretty tough job as an artist to make the book a page-turner, but he pulled it off.

DL: You’re dealing with some tough issues here, chile, but they are good issues to deal with.

C: It was a good issue. DC has been producing some very good issues about this dark knight, but they are flying under the radar of those enamored with higher profile books. Those people are missing out on strong stories, moody art, and classic character moments like the ones in this issue. I just wish she would come back to meeee (sob…sob-snort).

DL: You’re getting all phlegmy again, honeychile.

C: Sorry. (Sounds of nose blowing)

DL: Unfortunately, we’ve run out of time on the Loveline. Wayne, honeychile, do you feel any better getting all of this out in the open?

C: Not really. Although there is this hot Greek chick in this League I belong to that kind of twirls my cape, if you know what I mean.

DL: That’s great. Stay tuned for How To Destroy a Promising Comics Company and Alienate Your Fans with your hosts, Ron Zimmerman and Bill Jemas. Until next time, this is Dr. Lovey, sayin’ “I got a PhD in Love and some more lovin’ in the oven, honeychile!” Bye-bye.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #28

Brian Michael Bendis – Story

Mark Bagley – Pencils

Art Thiebert – Inks

Published by Marvel Comics

Reviewed by Village “The long-haired guy played by George Clooney” Idiot

To all of you who didn’t read ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #28:

WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU???

I’m serious. What the hell is the matter with you? ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN is one of the best series out there right now, and for you to still not be reading this comic...it’s just crazy. Are you crazy? Is that it? Are you a crazy-person?

Now look, let’s try to be reasonable about this. You like comic books, right? And you probably can dig superhero stories at least sometimes, right? What if I were to tell you that there was a comic book out there, a superhero comic book, that was exciting, and funny, and sometimes even a little scary, and at the end of the day, it was really, really smart, you’d want to read that book, right? And if I were to tell you that you don’t even need to learn a new character; that this book is about a character you’re probably already know very well, you’d be on board, right?

So what’s the problem here? Bendis, Bagley and Thibert just keep churning out one great issue after another, and you’re missing it. Now you’ve missed another good one, ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #28.

In ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #28, Spidey takes on the new ULTIMATE Rhino, and you know from the splash on the second and third pages that this is going to be one all-time mamma-jamma mother of a fight. Bendis cleverly plays on this anticipation; he knows what we all want to see, what we’re dying to see, and the story develops accordingly. He also manages to throw in some interesting moral conflicts and totally unexpected humor for good measure. And of course, there’s Bagley and Thibert’s usual top-notch artwork, making it a smart, tight, and fun little one shot that kept me smiling while I was reading it; and that’s one of the best compliments I can give a comic.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN is that rare instance in entertainment where the work actually warrants the popularity. It’s a damned good book. If you’ve never read it, I urge you to check it out; and if you read it once and didn’t like it, maybe it’s time you give it another shot.

Mirror, Window

Soundtrack: Short Stories 1989-1996

Jessica Abel

Fantagraphics Press

reviewed by: “Cindy” Lizzybeth

In the light of recent Talkback discussions it seems like a good time to mention these two volumes, which are excellent examples of comic books to give to the uninitiated comics reader as well as of strong comic book storytelling outside the fantasy genre. I often hear, when I bring up comics like this, some variation of "why do I need to read some black and white slice of life comic, about regular people and their boring lives, when I am already a regular person with a boring life of my own?" The key word of this statement is "boring", which says volumes about one's outlook. A person who makes this statement is probably not going to give these comics a chance. However, for those who are open to but simply unfamiliar with the full potential of non-genre comics and the diverse outlooks they can offer, ARTBABE is a good place to start your education.

ARTBABE deserves to be listed alongside EIGHTBALL and OPTIC NERVE in the top tier of vital, essential adult comics. All three are short fiction anthology titles, and while they may not resemble my particular reality they at least reside in the same neighborhood. Jessica Abel, like Dan Clowes and Adrian Tomine, is a skilled storyteller with prose at least as strong as unillustrated fiction and a distinctive visual style to complement her writing. Abel's artwork (check out her homepage for examples) is actually the strongest of the three, to my eyes. “Soundtrack” and “Mirror, Window”, collecting issues from ARTBABE series 1 (initially self-published) and series 2 (through Fantagraphics), are a collection of reflections and glimpses, sometimes humorous, always observant, and rich with texture, filled with Abel’s easy dialogue, her full-bodied backgrounds, the stunningly accurate nuances of life and love in an urgent young city. The comic really captures the enjoyment and excitement, along with the conflicts, of these ordinary, “boring” lives. “Soundtrack” in particular is full of reminders of those long nights when everything was suddenly clear and real; just reading a piece like “Via Lattea” brings back a blurry imitation of that feeling, and reminds me to treasure it. The stories are filled with moments of recognition, where I can see myself or other familiar faces in the characters, in all of their flaws, inexperience, selfishness, energy, and wit. Abel has a particular talent for investing a character with personality and motivation very quickly. In a relatively short space we can learn more about the characters than other comics convey in an entire story arc – as with Paloma from MW, facing the twilight years of her ballet career at the age of 22. People in this age group are often portrayed in comics at loose ends, jaded and passive, but Abel’s characters tend to be interested and active. They are passionate people, lively people, involved in their projects or at least their social lives, in short the kind of people you wouldn’t mind spending some time with. While there are characters of both genders, ARTBABE expresses a welcome female sensibility, balancing out some of the bitter male loser vibe that admittedly can bog down comics in this vein. Alongside the fictional sections, ARTBABE also features some journalistic works that were published previously as stand-alone pieces and are enjoyable in their own right, particularly when Abel incorporates interviews (as in “Punk Pilgrimage” from Soundtracks, or industrial strike portrayal “Decatur, IL” from MW).

While it seems to be less common, I find short fiction to be a particularly good fit for indie comics. Self-contained stories require no background information, are more reader-friendly, and by necessity must come to satisfying conclusions. While it may not reach the grander heights of full-length serial works, ARTBABE is an entertaining, well-crafted and thoughtful read that sticks with you and leaves you looking for more. Mirror, Window is the more fully formed work, with longer pieces and stronger artwork, while Soundtrack features many entertaining shorter pieces and a lot more variety. I also recommend Jessica Abel’s current full-length project La Perdida, currently on Issue #2 at Fantagraphics.

PUNISHER #16

Written by Garth Ennis

Art by Darick Robertson

Published by Marvel Comics

A “Blair” Quixote review.

When Garth Ennis is at his best, there is no better writer working in comics today. The first 20 or so issues of Preacher represent what I would call a high water mark in the 90’s, not just for comics, but literature as a whole. Rarely has the absurd collided with the grim, the scatological with the inspired so thunderously as it did in that contemporary theological western. When he is on his game, and when he has something to say, Ennis is an unparalleled master of delivering thought-provoking entertainment while simultaneously pushing the limits of the comic book’s pulpy origins.

The Punisher represents Garth Ennis at his worst.

I’ve always liked The Punisher. This in spite of the fact that I can’t actually recall ever reading a great Punisher story. There is a lot of potential in Frank Castle; put the bastard child of Batman and Charles Bronson in a Dashiell Hammet setting and the possibilities should be endless. But too often, the Punisher is written as a one-note killing machine, a criminal killing psychopath whose only definable trait is an arsenal impressive enough to shake Charlton Heston out of his dementia. And a character that thin can get tired pretty quick.

After 30 years, the reading audience still has very little insight into The Punisher, and who he is. I couldn’t begin to guess at his favorite color the way I could with someone like Daredevil (give up? Black). Or what kind of woman he’d be attracted to; I know that Logan goes for Asian girls, probably because of the height thing, or that Spider-Man likes fiery redheads with strong necks, but I have no idea what puts the dill in the Punisher’s pickle. It would be nice to see Castle’s personality explored. It would be nice to see different sides of him, to have him show some emotion or vulnerability. It would be nice to see The Punisher in a setting where he’s humanized, and where his character can be developed.

But, truth be told, sometimes it’s nice just to see Wolverine get conked in the nuts with a Louisville Slugger.

When Garth Ennis is at his worst, he forgoes any intellectual substance, and mires himself in the excesses that have become synonymous with his name. The comic is merely an experiment in T&A, comically gruesome deaths, and ridiculous characters. The Punisher reads like a membership in the death of the month club. It represents Garth Ennis at his worst.

But Garth Ennis at his worst can still be a lot of fun.

For all the wants, and the wouldas, and the I-wishes, the main draw to The Punisher is the violence. And when it comes to comic book violence, Garth Ennis is money in the bank. If that’s your thing, The Punisher #16 is supremely entertaining. The mystery isn’t compelling, but it’s cool. The characterization of Wolverine is awful, but the way he kicks ass and gets his ass kicked is fun, and something you’ll never see in X-Men. The surprise twist at the end is absolutely fuckin’ stupid, but if you’re taking this comic seriously to begin with, might I offer you something in a Xanex?

And it’s not as though Ennis writes the character as completely devoid of personality; the Ennis Punisher is about as deep as I’ve ever seen him. There is a touch of sadistic glee in the homicide, and even a glorious hint of the delusion in which Castle is enveloped. There’s not a lot of characterization, but the little touches towards that effect are greatly appreciated. And stylishly accomplished.

There is a lot that I want The Punisher to be that it simply is not. But I’ll review this book for what it is. Yes, it is ridiculous, gratuitous, and violent. But it is ridiculously, gratuitously, violently entertaining. The one (and a half)-note character, and hailstorm of insane violence might get tired quickly, but I’ll enjoy it as a guilty pleasure until it does.

X-STATIX #3

Writer: Peter Milligan

Artist: Michael Allred

Colors: Laura Allred

Reviewed by: “Molly” Superninja

I haven't really cared for X-Force since it was renamed X-Statix. They killed off U-Go Girl/Edie, leaving a big gaping hole in the team dynamic. The rest of the goings on seemed so familiar already, that I was beginning to wonder if the book was running out of steam.

In this issue, X-Statix are parting ways. It begins with Venus Dee Milo learning she is under contract with another superhero team, O-Force. When she was young and dumb, she penned her name on a contract that put her under the thumb of a man named O'Sullivan. Things fall apart from there as the rest of the team goes their own way, leaving The Orphan/Guy to deal with the teenage menace known as Arnie Lunt - a mutant boy who has used his powers to take control of his town, unleashing one deadly disaster after another as he becomes increasingly bored by each spectacle.

The new superhero team, O-Force, is on the job to take out Arnie, but Guy worries that their quick boy-band style assembly is going to get them all killed. So he makes a last attempt to gather the X-Statix.

What a great issue! The shockwaves from Edie's death have finally caused such a strain on the core X-Statix team that they don't want to try and put it all back together again. They're a broken team- either jaded, confused, or guilt-ridden, running away from their problems instead of dealing with them. Milligan covers a lot of territory here. You connect with the emotional distress each of the characters is feeling, while the situation builds to the confrontation between O-Force and Arnie.

Milligan continues to gleefully skewer pop culture and comic books. There's an exchange between Guy and Tike (The Anarchist) that's particularly effective:

Tike: This is the NEW age of super heroes. We don't fight anyone. We don't save the world. We don't do good.

Guy: So what's the point of us? If we don't use what we are for good…What DO we do?

Tike: We ENTERTAIN.

Allred's work is outstanding as usual. He's the perfect companion to Milligan's story. The pop art feel is sort of a contradiction to the darker elements of the story, but that's what makes it so interesting instead of just being fun to look at. The whole art team does a great job, and this is one of the more outstanding issues visually, for me.

Highly recommended. Even if you've never read X-Statix before, it's worth checking out.

FANTASTIC FOUR 1-2-3-4 tpb

Written by Grant Morrision

Art by Jae Lee & Jose Villarrubia

Published by Marvel

Reviewed by Buzz Maverik

In many ways, FANTASTIC FOUR 1-2-3-4 is a very straight forward, almost old fashioned comic book story, and it works as an excellent companion to the new direction taken by Mark Waid and Mike Wieringo. Writer Grant Morrison and artist Jae Lee take us into the minds our troubled quartet as three of their oldest, weirdest foes Dr. Doom, the Sub Mariner and the Mole Man join forces to a) destroy them and b) mess with their heads.

To make the once staid character of Reed Richards interesting, many creators have turned to the fact that the character acted in an extremely out of character way by taking his fiancee and her teenaged brother on an illegal space flight which transformed them, along with pilot Ben Grimm and Richards himself, into Marvel's first superhero team. Morrison doesn't directly address this, but he gives us Richards as a genius who is so many steps ahead of everyone else mentally that he will lock himself in a chamber for days without telling anyone why, almost destroying his marriage and getting his best friends killed. As always, our Reed has a good reason but he's too busy working to explain.

Morrison writes one of the best versions of Sue Storm I've read in a long time. He doesn't beat us over the head with the fact that she's a strong woman, spelled W-O-M-Y-N or whatever, but she does have a thing for Prince Namor that's not too far below the surface. Namor is an unsettling character here. Sue describes Namor as smelling of "crazy hormones and sea water from another world". That's some good writing, folks! I can't remember the last time a comic book writer described a character's smell and wouldn't that be exactly how you'd expect Namor to smell? The description of his smell captures his personality and his allure to Sue. Alicia Masters, sometime girlfriend of the Thing and one time wife of the Torch (except that she was really a Skrull which means Johnny Storm probably had to go supernova before he felt clean again), comments on Namor's incredible body. Sue dismisses that. It's his regal bearing, etc. I love the portrayal, an apt one at that, of Namor almost as the kind of Euro-trashy guy who will steal your girl if you're stupid enough to take her to a club. Richard Gere and Russell Crowe would do something like that. Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson never would. Aqua Man wouldn't, Sub Mariner would.

The Human Torch is better here than I've seen him in recent years, and that includes the Waid version, unfortunately. He comes across as young, but not as an airhead. This Johnny Storm is a rebel, a neo-punk James Dean. He's not mooning over Jennifer Garner. He drives through the rain in a convertible with a nameless blonde and when he wants to get rid of her so he can go patch things up with the Thing after a fallout ("Maybe Ben and I should make up and go beat up Namor or something"), he dumps her by giving her the car, earning the response "You're SO cool, Johnny!" That's what we should be saying about Johnny Storm. "You're SO cool, Johnny!"

Interestingly, the Mole Man whom the Torch is pitted against here, is a more bloated and wonderfully loathsome version than I've ever seen. We have to thank Jae Lee for this, as well as the vaguely alien, hawkish Namor of the WW II stories. Morrison subtly adds a great Mole Man character element by having MM trying to convince Alicia that she ugly and that only he would truly want her.

FF 1-2-3-4 features a Ben Grimm who is more of a tough, urban character. This has always been an element of Grimm's personality. Thankfully, he's not the buffoon-Thing here. Personally, as with the various portrayals of The Hulk, I'm never 100% pleased with how the Thing is done, even if he's written well as Morrison does here or Geoff John's does in THING: FREAKSHOW. Dr. Doom puts Grimm through the ringer. No spoilers, but some of it is a little to reminiscent of DAREDEVIL: BORN AGAIN for my tastes, and it all hinges on something that a smart, tough street guy turned ultrahigh ranking test pilot would never do: he trusts Doom. It might have worked if it was a test of courage or if he was showing his contempt for Doom, but I never got that impression here.

Finally, Reed Richards. I have to say, I never considered the idea, put far more eloquently and plausibly by Morrison, that Mr. Fantastic is able to stretch his intellect as well as his body. It works well. I enjoyed the familiarity between Reed and Victor, as he's called here. They are the two smartest kids in school who hate each other and who would rather spend their time fucking each other over than doing anything constructive with all their brains.

The art is unique for a F.F. story and the style works well, as long as no one else tries to duplicate it. Instead of Kirby's beautiful insanity, or a gleaming Cape Canaveral/ Camelot-with-no-looming-Oswald feel, Lee's work is almost operatic, almost gothic. It makes sense. Doom and the Mole Man are gargoyles and Namor is a male water nymph.

I hear that Grant Morrison will be writing ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR. Funny, with 1-2-3-4, I thought he already had.

Title: DOOM PATROL #13

Writer: John Arcudi

Super Cool Guest Artist: Seth Fisher

Publisher: DC Comics

Reviewer: Ambush Bug

Let me start out by saying that I didn’t read Grant Morrison’s DOOM PATROL. That’s right. I admit it. String me up. Lash me a thousand times. I never got into Morrison’s surreal adventures of the world’s weirdest superteam. Oh, I remember the Doom Patrol. I remember picking up that issue of TEEN TITANS where Robotman was strung up and in pieces with a sign that said “Whatever happened to the Doom Patrol?” hanging from his neck. I thought the bandaged guy with the black energy thing coming out of him was cool. I always thought Robotman was one of the best designed robot heroes ever. I heard Morrison was doing some amazing things with the team. I was tempted to pick the title up. But it never happened. I just collected a certain number of books through the eighties and nineties and DOOM PATROL wasn’t one of them.

So what the hell am I doing writing a DOOM PATROL review?

Well, a year ago, I decided to give the new DOOM PATROL series a shot. I heard a lot of good things about this new boy-genius artist, Tan Eng Huat. I enjoyed the hell out of John Arcudi’s uber-classic MAJOR BUMMER series. I saw issue one of DP on the shelves of my local comics store and gave it a go. And I’m damn glad I did. As soon as I read the first issue of this series, I told myself, “Self, this is the type of comic that stands alone when compared to the rest of your typical superhero fare out there today. The writing is slick. The art is fresh. I’d like to follow this team of misfits for a while…I’m sure it won’t last longer than eight issues.” That last sentence came from the knowledge that I also had similar feelings for VEXT, MAJOR BUMMER, AZTEK, TERROR INC, SILVER SABLE AND THE WILD PACK and other obscure titles that were canceled way before their time. But I hoped for the best and stayed with the title.

My fondness for this series is mostly due to the fact that it is the closest thing to Giffen’s 80’s JLI series on the shelves today. That’s a good thing in my book. Since issue one, Arcudi and Huat continuously put this new DOOM PATROL on one loony roller-coaster ride after another. The adventures are taken with a bit of the old tongue-n’-cheekness that all of those old JLI’s had going for them. When I first read these issues, I was entertained by all of this, but had mixed feelings at the same time. Part of me thought it was a stale rehash of one of my favorite series of old. Another part felt nostalgic for those old JLI’s and appreciated these new DOOM PATROL stories for what they were. These mixed emotions stayed with me through my first year of reading DOOM PATROL, but I stuck with it because every month I would get at least one good, solid laugh from the book. And that’s enough to keep me satisfied. I enjoyed watching Robotman go from one mechanical body to another. I laughed at the trips to hell and other surreal locales. I liked being introduced to this brand new team of kooky heroes. But one thing bothered me. I didn’t really know what came before. There was this entire team of heroes that I knew next to nothing about. I thought that this lack of knowledge somehow lessened my appreciation of this title. And then came issue #13.

DOOM PATROL #13 starts out normal enough. Robotman’s depressed because he’s a robot, man. The heat controlling Fever is wondering if her thighs are too fat. Ted the telepath AKA Flash Forward AKA The All New All Different Negative Man is busy being negative. The frictionless Kid Slick is saying dude a lot. And Shyleen, the tortured shadow manipulator, is catatonic, as usual. It’s another normal day for a team who tackles kookified situations on a day to day basis. And guess what. Seven pages in the book, something kookified happens.

Since it’s on the frikkin’ cover, I don’t think it is a spoiler to say that in issue #13, the new DOOM PATROL go back in time and take residence in the bodies of the old DOOM PATROL. It’s a fun little adventure that not only shows some great character moments, but informs those new to the DOOM PATROL universe (like myself) about the history of the team. This is exactly what I needed. That’s not to say that the series can’t be appreciated on its own. I appreciated the hell out of it. But after reading about the former members, I appreciate the title all the more since it is embracing and building upon the team’s rich history. In a lot of ways, Fever, Shyleen, Kid Slick, and Negative Man are as new to this bizarre world of the Doom Patrol as I am, so this is a much needed recap for them as well. Arcudi lets the team get to know their past by allowing them to step into their predecessors shoes. It’s this type of clever twist that makes Arcudi one of DC’s best kept secrets.

I’ve hollered it before and I’ll yodel it again. Seth Fisher simply rules. Ever since I first looked at his work on GREEN LANERN: WILLWORLD and FLASH: TIME FLIES, I have tried to pick up as many of his issues as I can. When I picked up this issue, I thought I would be treated to another well rendered tale by the highly stylistic pencils of Tan Eng Huat. But when I realized that it was Seth Fisher’s art that graced the page, I couldn’t wait to tear into it. I wouldn’t want Huat to leave this title, but he can take a vacation whenever he wants to if Fisher is going to be the Guest Artist in his stead. Fisher turns the team’s bland apartment into a series of dynamic lines. He pays full attention to every inch of the panel. No detail is too small. And when the weird stuff starts happening, that’s when Fisher really cuts loose. I can safely say that this artist is one of my favorites in the industry today.

Although, I had a mixed bag of feelings about this book throughout the last year, I think it is starting to shed its similarities to the old JLI and becoming its own monster. The nice twist in this issue respects the classic team and aspects of Morrison’s run while filling in new readers along the way. I wouldn’t mind it if these characters stayed in the bodies of their past counterparts. I’m sure the call to return to status quo is great, but it would be an interesting twist to work with if this change stuck. It’s a way to please both old-school fans and newbies alike. Like the cover says, this new twist could make this team just like the old team…only different. And I’m liking it a lot.

ALIAS #15

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis

Artist: Michael Gaydos

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Reviewed by Cormorant

My experience has been that even among fans of the Brian Bendis oeuvre, ALIAS seems to generate little outright enthusiasm. They love ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, seem pretty caught up in the happenings of POWERS* and DAREDEVIL, and always pine for Bendis to return to the straight-up crime comics that made him his name, but…there doesn’t seem to be as much love for ALIAS, which, ironically, is my favorite of the lot. I think, perhaps, that ALIAS has something of a “been there, done that” feeling for some readers, the result of being Bendis’s second blending of the crime and superhero genre after POWERS. I submit, however, that the single-character focus and more-personalized tone differentiate it enough to stand ably on its own.

*Footnote: Yes, I know that ALIAS tends to outsell POWERS slightly, but I think that has a lot to do with it being published by Marvel; POWERS still garners more enthusiasm. Let’s look at the latest issue and consider what works about the book and also why it might not be getting as much attention as it deserves…

Gotta start with the cover. Hoo boy, I know there are some pretty devoted David Mack fans out there, but I’ve never been one of them, and his covers are far and away the main reason I think this book gets ignored. Frankly, the covers all look the same: semi-abstract collages, usually with a lone figurative element, and always with that annoying diary-style text overlaying everything. Mack fans, I’m sorry if I offend you, but if it helps, I never thought much of Dave McKean’s SANDMAN covers either. Individually, this kind of artsy design is aesthetically pleasing, and even carries the “legitimizing” air of novel cover design, but on a month-to-month basis it’s repetitious and boring. We’re talking an enticement level about on par with those STAR TREK paperbacks where characters’ heads float ethereally over star fields, know what I mean? Luckily for both SANDMAN and ALIAS, the contents within are substantially more interesting than the covers…

This issue occurs concurrently with events Bendis is orchestrating in the current DAREDEVIL, notably the public leak that Daredevil may be Matt Murdock. Jessica, we learn, is helping out Murdock (who offered her serious legal aid in the first ALIAS story arc) by doing a little bodyguard work for him. Assisting her is Luke Cage (aka Power Man), who…uh…offered her aid of a different sort during that story arc (they had sex after she got drunk). The first half of the issue is an extended conversation between the two regarding the fallout of that night, and, as with almost all Bendis conversations, it’s very crisp, entertaining dialogue that’s consistently unpredictable. I still waver over whether discussing such adult topics as meaningless one-night stands is appropriate for characters who were once part of Marvel’s all-ages line-up, but it’s hard to resist the lure of Bendis’s realistic handle on sex getting in the way of friendships.

The downside? Luke Cage bears more of a resemblance to his bitter incarnation in the recent MAX title, CAGE, than to his classic street-tough-with-a-heart-of-gold portrayal in the regular Marvel Universe. Visually, he looks like he did in CAGE, in which his classic yellow shirt and metal headband were dropped in favor of impersonal mirror shades and a more ‘hood-friendly do-rag, but more importantly, some of his antagonistic behavior has crossed over. Luke Cage has always been a temperamental hero, but when he gets frustrated at Jessica and gripes, “Fucking bunch of shit I have to listen to,” it just felt like Bendis had gone too far. One of the things I’ve liked about the book from the get-go is that the cameos from classic Marvel heroes, though they occur in a “mature readers” book, have done little to diminish their heroic stature. This is the first instance where a character didn’t feel right, and I’m annoyed at the possibility that the classic, “cornball cool” Luke Cage of the Marvel Universe might be permanently replaced by this mirror-shaded jerk. Again, the conversation was well-written – only Cage himself was off.

The second half of the book features one of the developments I’ve been most anticipating: the introduction of the second Ant-Man, Scott Lang, as a potential romantic interest. Does that sound impossibly stupid? It shouldn’t. Lang’s always been a more down-to-earth hero, being a single father who once served some prison time, and I knew he’d be an interesting addition to the comic from the instant Carol “Warbird” Danvers first joked with Jessica about setting the pair up. And Bendis really comes through here, giving readers the uncensored dialogue of their first date - awkwardness, funny moments and all. I pretty much knew the date would be interesting when Jessica ordered a double vodka on the rocks, only to have Lang interrupt her order with the suggestion that she not drink that night.

Lang: “I’m sorry. I just -- Carol told me you have a tendency to drink and then be mad at yourself about it afterwards…and I thought that this being our first date, and life being too short and all that maybe we could, uh -- not drink and have a nice, real, genuine conversation.”

Regular ALIAS readers will know that Lang has hit the nail on the head, but you better believe Jessica’s pissed as hell at his presumptuousness, and at Carol for talking about her behind her back. And at that point, you know the conversation’s gonna be interesting. And it is. It’s not strictly realistic, but as Quentin Tarantino reminded audiences in the 90’s, dialogue can sparkle and yet bear little resemblance to reality. And yes, this is an all-talking issue. I have some issues with Bendis’s dialogue sometimes in a book like DAREDEVIL or ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, where all the yak-yak-yakking can seem out of place, but in a dedicated “mature readers” title like ALIAS, headlined by an original Bendis character no less, I figure the book is all his baby and the dialogue is at least half the reason to show up.

Credit also goes to underrated artist, Michael Gaydos. He’s not the worlds most exciting artist, and the book’s drab colors don’t do much to spice up his style, but this guy draws some of the best moment-to-moment conversational scenes I’ve ever seen in a comic. He’s got a huge repertoire of facial expressions, and over the course of the last year he’s helped turn Jessica Jones into one of best-defined characters in comics, superhero and otherwise. Much to my dismay, however, I think his art is doing little to draw new readers to the book, and may even be turning some folks off. With Mack’s covers, I can happily say, “Please try someone else for a bit,” but I’d hate to lose Gaydos on the book, even if he’s an acquired taste and not the best draw for new readers. He’s as much a part of the book as Bendis, so my only visual suggestion for the book would be to try a somewhat broader color palette. Keep the noir effect, sure, but howsabout moving a little beyond the Vertigo color range?

Final judgment: Because of the covers and because of the art, ALIAS is not the easiest book to sell new readers on, but nevertheless, I’m highly recommending this book to folks looking for a character and dialogue-heavy crime book. I dislike the recent take on Cage, but that’s not an ongoing problem, and ALIAS continues to be one of the first comics I want to read when I make my weekly purchases. It’s also a book I think will appeal to women, partially because of the frank conversations about sex and relationships, and also because Jessica is a perfect example of a how a writer can create a very likeable female character who has some unlikable traits and who isn’t cast in the typical uber-babe mold. Definitely one of the coolest dames in comics.

TALES FROM THE CREVICE: BOOKS THAT FELL THROUGH THE CRACK

By Vroom Socko

Every once in a while, one of the other @$$holes will send out an e-mail lauding some comic book I’ve never thought to read. In fact, it was Cormorant who first brought this week’s book to my attention. Created by Jay Hosler, a professor of biology specializing in bee behavior. What sort of comic would a scientist create? A comic about bee’s naturally. Hey, write what you know, right?

The great thing is that the book, Clan Apis, is anything but boring science crap. It’s interesting science crap, not to mention accurate science crap. Really, bees actually do dance to indicate the direction of prime sources of pollen. I saw it on an episode of NOVA. That’s one of the points that fascinated me: Hosler not only lies out an accurate depiction of the inner workings of a beehive, but he doesn’t dumb it down or cheat on the science. And yet, the book is also a fascinating character story.

Clan Apis follows the life of worker bee Nyuki from larva to adult. She is unique among bees, due to her outlook on life in the hive. To her, everything from her own metamorphosis to honeycomb construction is fascinating beyond compare. Her enthusiasm for the inner workings of hive culture is infectious enough, but it’s her development as an individual that makes this a riveting read. I know, I know, individuality and bees aren’t exactly words that go hand in hand, but work with me here. Through Nyuki’s joy of life, the facts about bees are illustrated without feeling like lessons.

This book is just plain fun. Nyuki’s inquisitive nature is charming without becoming annoying. There’s just the right amount of silliness, especially between Nyuki and Bloomington, her favorite flower. There’s even a great reference to the comic Bone, which I always enjoy. Clan Apis is a rare sort of animal: a comic appropriate for all ages that not only engages the reader, but also educates as well. Get this book. Get it for any kids in your life. Get it for anyone who’s interested in insects or biology. Get it for anyone who loves stories about life. Get it, and get it now.

Question for Discussion

What topic would you want to see covered in an educational comic?

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