Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Great story for how this guy got hold of this script...
... but, unfortunately, I can’t tell you. Instead, le me just hand you over to today’s spy:
Hi Harry,
I'm an avid reader of your site! - I've always loved movies and anything to do with them! - I can't say I always agree with your reviews, but they're never dull and a hellovalot more honest than many others who do the same thing!
I recently [story deleted to protect the almost innocent] and ended up with two scripts!! One was a new script by Richard Curtis called LOVE, ACTUALLY... dated 17 June 2002, (I haven't read that one yet, but it looks like Four weddings / Notting hill all over again!) but the other, is the script for the new THUNDERBIRDS movie!!
Now I don't know how big THUNDERBIRDS is in the US, but It was HUGE here in the UK - massive in the 70's (I watched it when I was a kid) and huge again last year when Carlton re-released them all over again on DVD)... The Tracy brothers and their fantastic Rescue Machines, Brains, FAB and all that stuff... all in glorious Technicolor! - (sigh)...I couldn't wait to read this... the thought of seeing all those characters on the big screen, updated and refreshed, with massive leviathan CGI ships and heart-stopping action, just had me drooling!
Well, the working draft of the movie (please God LET it be a working draft), is pretty bad.... think Spy Kids,without the clever story and pacing and with a camp Benny Hill kind of humour.....
The story revolves around a young Alan Tracy, his friend Fermat (The son of Brains - I don't really know how he came about, Brains doesn't have a wife or girlfriend in the script - maybe its a test-tube or cloning thing?) and the young Tintin (the daughter of Jeff Tracy's faithfull manservant, Kyrano)
The kids are left stranded on the island when Jeff and the older boys Scott, Virgil and Gordon (main characters in the TV show, who seem to have about 15 minutes screentime in the whole movie!) fly up into space in Thunderbird 3 in a panic after an explosion on TB 5, (leaving the island somewhat stupidly deserted), and are then are stranded, floating about on the station in outer space for pretty much the whole movie....
Of course, It's all a trap by a ridiculously camp bad guy - 'super criminal' Aristotle Spode.. (he's a Brit of course- I Imagined Terry Thomas from his dialogue ) and his stupid henchmen,,, who wants to steal the Thunderbirds machines to commit super crimes. (apparently) He can't be too clever, as the chances of planning and executing a cunning superheist in a 500 foot bright green rocket ship, sound pretty slim, and even if he got away with it once, the chances are the ship would get blasted out of the air by the Airforce the next time it left the island....
.... so (sigh), anyway, It's up to the kids... oh and a super sexy Lady Penelope who reads in the script like an upper class Barbara Windsor:
(Sample:)To the principle of Alan's school, trying to talk him out of a bad report:
LADY PENELOPE
(Sotto voce/Sexy)
Actually, do could have a moment of your time... there's something I'd like to raise with you.
The principal's eyes bulge hugely.
That's about as good as the script gets... no, really.....
Another sample, after Spode captures Tracy Island:
SPODE
Mullion, draw me a bath...
MULLION (his henchman)
Well, it's sort of this shape... and the faucets at this end.
Aristotle sighs wearily.
Actually so did I at that point.. and skimmed the rest, What was going to be a hour or two to savour turned into a disappointing waste of time.... no real big set pieces.... no massive accidents putting the lives of thousands in Jeopardy.... no... bloody... RESCUES!!!
That's what it was all about in the TV show wasn't it??? - THEY'RE CALLED INTERNATIONAL RESCUE!!! - THEY RESCUE PEOPLE WHEN NO-ONE ELSE CAN HELP!!! They don't rush off and leave their base unnattended!!! ...AND, they can create all these supercraft and their super advanced base, surely they can come up with an anti-inturder system that could detect a submarine..or at least something that cen tell them that an enemy's transmitter is broadcasting from it's hiding place on TB1?..oh come on guys!!
Let's face it it would have always skewed young, the whole thing was always a little silly, but what about all those kids in the 60's who loved this show and how have now grown up? (like me!) What about THEM???
It could have been a family movie with a sly adult touch... Shrek did it! Toy Story did it.... both these movies didn't treat their audiences like brainless morons.
The script is written by William Osborne... (I don't think I've heard of him... his name sounds like I should have).... he's killed it for me.... I hope Working Title read this, then throw the horrible mess out and start again.... this could be such a cool Movie! Huge Aircraft... massive accidents and disasters nailbting cliffhanging moments.... great gadgets... and good characters.... PLEASE GET IT RIGHT!!
If you publish this, call me ZIppy.
Thanks! - Keep up the great work!!!
Yooooof. Rough stuff, man. But nice work. Thanks for the heads-up!
"Moriarty" out.
