Big Harry in Gigantic China -- KILL BILL Day Numero Seis!!!

You ever have one of those mornings where everything seems to just be unraveling before your eyes?

It’s Friday here in Beijing and I’ve just gotten to set, and everything is beginning to stabilize and be cool again, but that’s not how the day started. First off, due to late night partying on my part, I didn’t get in till around 4am this morning, then I had to turn around and wake up at 6am to file my last report. First, when that wake up call came this morning, I literally felt the rigor mortis clenching my every moving part. I’m sure if I could have seen my back, it would have been purple and blue with the settled clotting blood, but I pulled my cadaver off this Chinese slab of a bed to get going.

Now, at this point I felt everything was normal… I’d done this to myself. I should not have been out partying, but hey… I can’t help myself, I’m a wild and crazy guy! Though not nearly as crazy as that Bill guy on set. Anyways, I decide that I need to shower to cleanse the flakes of death and set the system in proper motion again. People have asked me what I don’t like about China… I don’t like that the water takes forever to heat up and when you first turn it on, you get a Johnson shrinking blast of Siberian spring water right smack dab in the Bruce Campbell. Also, I hate that you can’t let the water get in your mouth for fear of making your world look like a gas station toilet. Those are my two key pet peeves (along with the bobsledding toilet device they have here). Well, I’m in the shower, standing upon my suction cupped mat to keep from slipping, when suddenly, the mat is pulled out from under me by some Chinese Ghost. I tumble out of the tub onto the floor of my bathroom linoleum. Now, as I lay on the soaking wet floor of a Chinese Hotel Bathroom, I suddenly wonder if this will be the last thing I see… Couldn’t I have died on the masochistic steps of Pai Mei? That would’ve had dignity, a sense of spectacle. Perhaps if I’d have insulted Yuen Woo-Ping and his fight team, my death would’ve been a vehicle to Valhalla, but no. I’ll die on the slick linoleum floor of a Chinese Hotel Water Room. Ugh. I realize though that I’m alive, and appear unhurt. So I put such drama queen moments behind me and attempt to get up.

Here’s an experiment for you kiddies at home. If your bathroom has a tile or linoleum floor, spray some water on it. Get yourself all wet and naked, now lay on the floor, now try to get up. I think Kenneth Branagh must’ve been in a similar situation, and took that inspiration to inspire his and DeNiro’s 9 minute vaseline slip wrestle in MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN. Because that was my exact situation. This was truly pathetic. So pathetic that I was laughing at myself. If the Chinese government really has cameras in my hotel room, there’s a room full of Chinese Spies laughing their asses off… Look for this moment soon on Chinese VCDs… Apparently I have a promising career.

After I finally get up, and stop laughing at myself, I CAREFULLY pull some clothes on and file yesterday’s report. It took me longer to finish than I anticipated, and I notice that the time is such that the car is already waiting for me downstairs. I close up the computer, unplug it, reach for my computer bag to put it in… when the bag decides it doesn’t want to leave the floor. I figure one of the rollers on my chair must be on the strap so I try to scoot away from the bag, but that does no good. I stand up.. move the chair, to see the bag being dragged behind it… I bend down and notice the strap for the bag has inexplicably curled all up inside the gears of the chair (don’t ask, I don’t know either) so I flip the chair and begin yanking and pulling and using all my Popeye to get my bag free.

Finally it is done. Then I head over to my bedside to get my watch, wallet and whatnot, and as I grab my wallet, I had inexplicably left it unsnapped and suddenly a good hundred and fifty business cards fly out, with my high school diploma, passport, driver’s license, credit cards, Spencer’s Gift card, American Airlines Frequent Flyer card and the 17 different backed aces I have for key moments in life where you need an Ace up your sleeve. All this stuff just flies out all over the floor. WHAT THE HELL?

I look at the suspicious shiny dot on my wall, wave and mouth, "Enjoying this?" then pick everything up and cautiously head out of the room to the elevator. Fully expecting it to drop from the 17th floor, I press L for the lobby, but don’t die.

Getting into the car, I breathe a sigh of relief only to realize that because of my Jerry Lewises, I have now hit rush hour, meaning the 10 minute drive to the studio is now 35 minutes. Ah… the glamorous life of Harry J Knowles…

However, all of that is behind me now, and all is perfect in the world, because once again I’m on the set of KILL BILL watching Sonny Chiba and Uma Thurman performing with each other.

How long after I entered the Stage 3 of the Beijing Film Studios did it take for me to reach a state of glazed eyed nirvana? Well… I walk in, take a seat next to Mark Ulano, the amazing sound man, and suddenly I look up to see Uma Thurman from behind, in a beautifully fast and graceful move unsheathe the red sheathed Samurai sword. It even has that ‘whistle’ sound on set. How cool!?!?! Then Sonny Chiba says, "Funny… You like Samurai Swords… I like baseball" begins tossing the baseball up and down… then without warning…

Sonny Chiba beams the Baseball straight at The Bride’s head… I had no warning, I nearly screamed… There was lightning and flames and the ball anthropomorphized and started to scream and cry as it neared the Bride’s head, when suddenly she just slices the baseball in half.

CLUNK

No, that wasn’t the sound of the baseball hitting the floor, but my jaw. WHAT… THE…. FUCK????

I’ve never seen anything so cool in my life. Sonny Chiba just threw a baseball at Uma Thurman’s head and she cut it in half… No strings, no break away balls… the baseball was real, the danger was real and holy shit, it really got cut in half.

I was just shaking. I mean… ya know? Like, wow. Suddenly Uma turns around to reveal that it is Zoe, Uma’s stunt double. I’m now literally in the temple of Zoe worship.

They did several takes, about 5 or so. Zoe hit the baseball with the Samurai sword every single time, once knocking the ball to the radical left frame area. Another time slicing it a bit. On one she knocked it straight down at the floor. Now these tosses were pretty hard and pretty fast. I mean they were INTENSE THROWS. I mean, think about Sonny Chiba throwing a baseball at your head as hard as he can. I mean, this is a guy that can fracture your skull with a single punch, that ball left contour trails behind it.

Then, on one glorious take, she split the ball into two perfect pieces. I mean it was so perfect that the reporter from the New York Times that was sitting next to me (BTW – we’re the only two guys here) exclaimed out loud, "YEAH THERE YA GO!" Mark, MR SOUND, shot him the double dagger stare of death, but Mr. Grey Lady wasn’t even aware he had said it out loud.

Quentin’s reaction to the take was, "Pppppretty goddamn fucking gooooooooooodd! I’d say that’s a take, check the gate, we’ll move on!" It was a perfect take.

As the crew resets to go on to the next thing, as I look up, I notice that Sonny Chiba is coming towards me with a younger Japanese man in tow. Sonny looks at me with a huge irresistible smile and says, "Mmmy Friend, Let me introduce you to my Manager!"

It turns out that Sonny Chiba’s manager has been with him for 21 years, and he just turned 45. Chiba is quite proud of a new project he’s developing that concerns Samurais, Indians and Buffalo Bill. It looks to be one of his next projects and will shoot from the West Coast to the East Coast. He came over and showed me some storyboards that were just utterly badass looking. They depicted images of a lean and mean Buffalo Bill, at the height of his legend looking awesome. A samurai and ninja hunting someone. An Indian warrior in full combat with Bill. These production designs looked magnificent. This is a project that we need to keep our eyes on.

Next up was a complicated camera move through a bit of a long scene. Here ya go…

The scene began with Sonny Chiba framed at an angle with his right shoulder towards us, chest up, head looking nearly towards camera but eyes down nodding. Then while crossing his attic, the boards creaking beneath his feet, towards his racks of Samurai swords, in a voice filled with sadness and absolution... the sound like a low rumble of thunder, Hattori Hanzo says...

HANZO (JAPANESE)
I wanted to show you these....
However someone as you, who knows
so much must surely know, I no
longer make instruments of death. I
keep these here for their ascetic
and sentimental value.

(he takes both sword and sheath from her...)

Yet proud tho I am of my life's work...

(...he closes them together)

I am retired.

The Bride is much closer to the camera shot from behind, her hair cascading off her head like a Lion’s mane. She’s looking dead at Sonny Chiba.

THE BRIDE (ENGLISH)
Then give me one of these.

HANZO (ENGLISH)
These are not for sale.

This next line is said in a tone akin to, "Bitch you better back off and give me my props!"

THE BRIDE (ENGLISH)
I didn't say, sell me. I said, give
me.

HANZO (ENGLISH)
And why should I be obliged to
assist you in the extermination of
your vermin?

This next line is seething, boiling, furious anger. I mean it was cold. Cold and brutal. Mean as can be. She was awesome. So mean that she’d make Bluto cry.

THE BRIDE (ENGLISH)
Because my vermin, is a former
student of yours. And considering
the student, I'd say you had a
rather large obligation.

Hattori Hanzo goes to a dusty window, and writes the name, "BILL" on it with his finger.

The blonde girl nods her head yes.

The proud warrior moves over to the door in the floor, throwing it open.

He points into a corner...

HANZO (JAPANESE)
...You can sleep there...

.....starts to descend....

HANZO (JAPANESE)
...it will take me a week to make
the sword...

.....before his head disappears, he says;

HANZO (JAPANESE)
...I suggest you spend it
practicing.

...he closes the door behind him.

She smiles slightly...then moves over to the window,
takes out a handkerchief, and wipes Bill's name off.

FADE TO BLACK.

Ok, this is the best damn scene I’ve had a chance to see performed live on any film I’ve been to the set of. The focus was entirely on Sonny Chiba… Noble, amused by his past, yet filled with regret. The storied history of Hattori Hanzo screaming to be told. I mean is this the original Hattori Hanzo? The one from the 1500’s that is sung about still in Japan? The samurai ninja god of old? Or is this some descendent? Yet through all these scenes, the Bride is an absolute presence not to be reckoned with. You can feel her tension, her ferocity. She’s like heat coming off a Texas road in August, furious and unforgiving. I like it!!!

They shoot a reverse for the close up of Uma wiping Bill’s name off the window where Sonny Chiba left it. The shot is like something out of a horror film. Really cool, really tragic. The frosted/dusty window with Bill comes out of a black and white film, the only color being Uma, she touches the window, then pulls up the cuff of her jacket and begins a deliberate methodical wipe move.

Uma cleans it too slowly, Quentin wants it to look more cold, without emotion, so she does another take. In-between takes I believe it was Yoshihito Akatsuka that was retracing and re-fogging up the window with Sonny’s exact BILL upon the window. Out comes the hair dryer to dry it, then reset. On one take Uma accidentally left a part of the ‘B’ unwiped, as she looked at it, she rubs it out, then blows at it, then turns to walk away. Quentin cackles from behind the camera and begins to pursue that area for further takes. Actually improving to the perfect take about 4 takes later. Good stuff.

Next up it is time for LARRYVISION… that’s right, the legendary Steadi-cam operator of olde… Larry McConkey shows up looking like one of Cameron’s Space Marines in his Steadi-cam gear. Now… this isn’t some regular run-of-the-mill Steadi-Cam shot, this is a Larry Special. Seems like yesterday, Quentin asked Larry if he could rig up a baseball flying at Uma’s face shot. So Larry ran over to the prop department and got those wily guys to create an oversized white seamed baseball (like the Japanese baseballs) that was perfectly weighted to spin upon a drill bit, that was counterbalanced and hanging in front of the camera. WHY OVERSIZED? Well, if you have a regular size baseball up close to the camera, the depth of focus is such that everything else will be blurry, except the baseball. By making it oversized, you can have the ball further away from the camera and catch a greater field of focus, thus getting Uma in better focus. See, this is why I’m here… I ask smart questions. Uh huh…

I asked Larry if there were any other shots like this in the film, and he said that there was one other thus far, that was shot in THE HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES sequence, where a hatchet was rigged to spin right in front of the camera as it is hurled at Uma, who dodges out of the way to have the hatchet lodge into the forehead or torso of some poor Crazy 88. Friendly fire is always sad.

Anyways, Larry is supposed to method-act-shoot like a Sonny Chiba thrown baseball. Now, Larry is pretty amazing, and has many powers beyond that of mortal man, but running at the speed of a Sonny Chiba thrown baseball… I just don’t think is in his capabilities. He’s worried about running into Uma, but Uma tells him to charge full speed, she’ll get out of the way, "I’ll take full responsibility for you running over me Larry!"

Hehehehehe…

Larry was still hesitant though… He didn’t want to run over poor Uma. But Uma wanted him to nail her. Goading him on, till he fully charged her.

She deftly sliced and dodged. The shot looked much better. And on the final take, they decided to do one where Uma would literally slice into the giant baseball prop, this nearly knocked poor Larry over, but the shot did rule. Though for me… I’d prefer that they just stick to the single shot of Sonny throwing the ball straight at Uma, with no insert shots or trick shots, because I’ve seen Sam Raimi-style shots like these before, and that other shot was framed beautifully, and because it did everything in a single shot, it had a raw power and vibrancy. Of course I was on set and was thrilled by realizing that it was in fact real and not a trick, whereas I’m sure folks in theaters will look at it and say, "That is sooooo CG!" in their best cynical voice… and I might very well of said the same thing had I not seen it with my own eyes take place in the here and now.

Anyway, after breaking from this shot, the crew begins tearing down one entire wall of Hanzo’s attic, so they can shoot from the back side of the Samurai Sword racks as Uma is perusing the selection of HANZO STEEL.

THIS IS A GREAT SHOT! Man oh man did I love this. The swords have many different styles of sheaths, colors and looks. This is literally a beautiful shot to have…. The rows of Samurai swords in Technicolor sheaths, laid against the backdrop of this room and Uma… Suh-wheat. After she asks Hattori Hanzo for permission to fondle and handle one of his preciousssssessss. The camera is down low, shin level on Uma looking up at her, she’s reaching for the blade in the perfect line between our eye (the camera line) and her shoulder… the effect as she begins to curl her fingers about the sheath as Hanzo interrupts her to say, “Try the second one down,” the camera then elevates up to her eyeline and dead even with the red sheathed blade… As she touches the blade a charge goes through her. THIS is great! What a wonderful shot.

It was during one of these takes the Mr. Grey Lady left the building. The rumor was that we’d be shooting till 10:30pm after being here since 8am, he wanted out of there. Well, I won’t leave till the bitter end. That’s just how I am. Meanwhile, during the takes on this Scott Spiegel showed up again, and let me know that he was taking in the Great Wall of China the next day… I really hate not getting to join him on that, but I’m not here as a tourist, I’m here to cover KILL BILL, if they’re shooting, I’m watching. That’s what it means to have Harry on set.

So, what did he miss. Admittedly not much, but… I did get to see Quentin shoot the most hilarious series of takes I’ve ever seen on a set.

Ok, Something that Tarantino is doing on this film is to shoot every single last foot of film on this movie. So, if you see a nut roll off a desk in this film, Quentin was 3 feet away praying for it to roll. Well, after the above shot came one of the toughest shots of the entire film… The remains of the split in half baseball falling to the ground in frame and dancing around a bit… in frame… naturally.

Now, I know this sounds simple, but it is anything but. This was actually the hardest thing imaginable. They went through like 3 or 4 rolls of film trying to get the shot. There was maybe one that was good, but not one that was blow my snot great. It began with Quentin dropping the two halves into the shot, the problem was that his shadow kept appearing in frame, so they set up a pre-existing shadow to hide his shadow in… But every time Quentin released the ball, his hand would instinctively pull out of frame, thus causing shadow movement. Add to this that the ball pieces just were not doing what they were suppose to do. Quentin would say, “It’s a reflex action, I can stop,” then on the next take, his hand would jerk out again… String after string of cuss words spewed out. Pure aggravation in his voice. These fucking ball pieces were driving him near insanity. After they shot through the first reel maybe dropping the balls about 30 times, and them never getting it right…

They decide to take a break – shoot something easier – the insert shot of a Japanese Soap Opera. I didn’t really get what it was, but then I’m not Japanese, nor an expert on Soap Operas, but I’m sure it is probably significant to someone out there.

When they come back, Quentin is no longer dropping the ball pieces, it is Robert Richardson. I can tell it is him, because of the billowy white sleeve material. Bob always wears bright white shirts to off-set the snow white hair of his. Another story about Bob I heard was that while he was shooting a scene in THE HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES, he had the KNB guys rig a blood tube to stick out right beneath his ass on the camera dolly, and that he could activate. The result was that he shot blood essentially out his ass all over Quentin. I ask you, is this really the behavior of the typical Academy Award winning Director of Photography? … I hope so!

Anyways, Richardson is dropping the damn things and it just ain’t working. After that roll was shot up, they give the ball dropping duty to Zhang Jin Zhan – He got a couple to almost do it. Then the duty fell to Script supervisor Sherrie Liu if memory serves. Then finally Quentin came back again.

At this point everyone is exhausted, the fucking ball pieces had been dropped over a hundred some odd times. Anytime it even vaguely looked good for a half second, there were cheers. The entire crew was exhausted… and these ball pieces were killing them, strangling their spirit and resolve… Making this talented crew come to pieces.

Meanwhile, off camera Lawrence Bender, ‘Murph’, Scott Spiegel and I are trying to come up with ways to do this guaranteed. I say that you bury a magnet in the center of each piece, then hook up an electro magnet below the floor plate and let em drop. Others are trying to figure out elaborate wire schemes… Still others are suggesting CGI. I suggest widening the frame size so that they have an easier chance of staying in frame, that the framing on this is so constrictive that that is why the shot is so nearly impossible.

Meanwhile every time the ball drops out of frame or bounces out of frame we all bite our hands to keep from laughing from the resulting Quentin curse. Finally the final two drops happen and they are both… close to being usable. Quentin decides that they’ll work, and Day 6 is over. Tomorrow is a half day for me, so I’ll only be on set for about 5 hours before I leave for the Airport. That report will sum up my experiences, provide links to all the stories thus far, as well as offer up an analysis of the film based upon my impressions. Till tomorrow then, this is Harry saying sha sha for reading!