Big Harry In Gigantic China: Day 4 on the set of KILL BILL!!!

Ok, folks, today I am bright eyed and busy tailed… In other words, I’m feeling rested, though I didn’t get much sleep at all, my energy levels are very high. As I arrived on set I had no clue where I was supposed to be, so I wondered into the Production Office… Not looking for a spare script to KILL BILL, oh no, not me. Perish the thought, I’m just an innocent member of the press… Going from place to place as the Nazis in Nuremburg said… "JUST FALOWING ORDURRRS!!!"

Instead I’m stumbling about, rifling through desks, diving into dumpsters, basically just your standard reporter stuff, when I sense the Unit Publicist somewhere behind me… You see, I have a keen Publicist Sense… Usually I sense them at least 50 to 60 feet away. How? Well, you sense their thoughts…. How? A Unit Publicist when she/he has a reporter on set, it is their job to make sure that person isn’t up to no good. Now sense my regular state on the set is a state of… NO GOOD, I can sense the Publicist’s relief when they spot me, because that means they have a chance to put a stop to it. It is this great mental sigh that I here. NOW, this is where it gets complicated. You see an On-Set publicist also has Reporter Sense, I try to confuse this by being the fan… They’re not as adept at dealing with fans, it’s sort of like putting shredded aluminum in your hubcaps, so that I can scramble their RADAR. Well, "Murph’s" radar is pretty damn well attuned, because she’s a bit of a fan herself… Dangit… So she finds me, corals me and points me in the direction of the set.

We’re back on THE TAI CHI MASTER alley, where Michael Jai White and David Carradine are kicking the shit out of one another, and we’re filming the end of their battle today… the death of Da Moe.

Now when I get to set, the first thing I notice is that Quentin Tarantino isn’t going to be on set…. Instead, I find Mr Brown here in his full Reservoir Dogs gear. I have to say there is something quite striking about watching Mr Brown direct, because this is nothing like the usually loose sort of devil may car outfitted Tarantino. Instantly the outfit seemingly colors all the perceptions I have regarding Quentin… Gone is the kid, here is the serious director. I’m sure he’ll mess this perception up soon enough with some sort of cool talk.

Ok, the Master’s Team is blocking out the end of Michael Jai White, and I’m not sure if these guys just get out there and JAZZ construct up a quick sword fighting exchange and death or not, but frankly they get out there and just go at it…. This move has an incredibly cool cool scabbard slide neck slice sort of motion that I really really dig. Not entirely sure how they’ll pull that one off, but it looks very very nice. I mean, what keeps the scabbard from just sailing off the end of the blade.

After about 30 minutes of practice, they have the routine down pretty darn good, they begin shooting… Nail the initial coverage… Then they go in for the insert shot of the scabbard slide… Very practical. Quentin is up on the stage thing they created for the camera, and before each take he screams out "YANG CHI SHA." At least that’s what my ears told me.

As we set up for the reverse angle Quentin and I begin discussing the SIGHT & SOUND list and how so many of the lists just seemed like academia, versus actual love of movies. I bring up SUNRISE and how what will you watch more in your life, SUNRISE or NOSFERATU, then I quantify that as being Murnau films, but if I had to pick a favorite vampire flick… I paused, then in unison Quentin and I agree on BRIDES OF DRACULA – as we fondly reminisce about the branding of Peter Cushing’s neck, the Holy water bath, the entrance of the three vamp femmes and of course that whole windmill thing. That gets us off onto HAMMER, which brings us up to talking about Christopher Lee, we both tell our intimate Christopher Lee stories, then Quentin says, "Do you know who feels Christopher Lee is his favorite actor?" Instantly DAVID LANE SMITH of Austin, Texas pops into my head, but figuring that’s not who Quentin is hinting at, I play dumb and say, "Who?"

"Muhammad Ali!"

Now isn’t that just cool. As if Muhammad Ali couldn’t be cooler, along comes new information man, and in light of this new information, I’m going to have to retreat to my center for thinking about the coolest people of all time list, cuz Ali is climbing up there. Ya know?

Well, as I’m getting set to cover this new angle, I realize that there is a conspiracy afoot. Quentin has arranged for DR LEE to give me a massage in my chair during this entire fight. The term… FINGERS OF STEEL is mentioned. Others talk of GREAT PAIN. Apparently this DR LEE is one of the world’s finest masseuses anywhere. This tiny unassuming blushing woman is the skill that keeps The Master’s team from going to pieces. She fixes the world’s finest kung fu performers and gymnasts. And DR LEE is being turned loose on me. I decide it would probably be wise to sheath my computer and set it down. I don’t know what I’m in for… People are cackling at my situation. Soon my hair is all up in a goofy top of my head Rita Hayworth style bun thing. I’m sure I’m very very cute right now.

As her fingers dig into my shoulders I realize I’m in trouble. They stab at least three knuckles deep. Literally this massage has a great deal of intense pain involved as she drives her fingers right to that point where the muscles attach to the bones, I literally felt her fingering the backside of my spine through my back… It was excruciating… Everyone was casting glances at me as my face was a torrent of agony and ecstasy. I mean that. This was intense. At on point as inserts a finger up under my shoulder blade, my feet began tingling. WHAT THE FUCK DOES MY FEET HAVE TO DO WITH MY SHOULDER? I literally feel like Jack Nicholson in a Dentist Chair… Meanwhile in front of me is the staging of Michael Jai White’s death being filmed. I see Quentin directing, then after takes shooting a glance at me as I literally look like some sort of victim of Dr Phibes. Where’s Geoffrey Rush?

Anyways, I’m just taking it though. I know my back is going to be bruised, but the muscles are relaxing, and as she begins breaking and reassembling my fingers, I realize that the mysterious DR LEE has powers beyond those of mere mortals. In fact, I think I can do Kung Fu now….

Nope.

Anyways, as they finish wrapping up this latest shot it was time to break for lunch.

I hobble my way through the residential section of the studio. Literally all over the lot are actual homes where people live. For example, you walk out the front of the backlot, down this alleyway with hanging laundry, caged Ducks and children on bicycles, till you arrive at the ‘lunchroom’. As I grab my light portions, Andrew Cooper (aka Greatest Still Photographer working in Movies), Hiromi (That Miramax Lady that Sonny Chiba commented… "what an ass!", then asked her to slap it around a bit…. Because it was dusty. All in Japanese. I was there, I heard that, Sonny is the fucking MAN man!) The Amazing Ted (willing to die trying to save me on the cataclysmic steps of Pai Mei) and lastly Julie Dreyfuss. Who is Julie Dreyfuss? Well, earlier I reported that Julia Louise Dreyfuss would be playing SOFIE FATALE, O-REN ISHII’s French Lawyer. Well, it is actually Julie Dreyfuss. Julie is a French actress with a British accent that has been working almost exclusively in Japan for quite some time. She met Quentin at a film festival he attended with RESERVOIR DOGS in Japan. It was Quentin’s first visit to Japan, and the festival took place in the town of YUBARI… Yes, as in Yuki and Go Go YUBARI! They’ve remained in contact ever since, and now… Well, now she’s got a helluva good part in the film, that has been fleshed out more as well as being more defleshed than in the script. When she started her work in the HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES, Quentin approached her and said, "Prepare to enter the Tim Roth Hell!" Which as all good RES DOGS fans know means she would be spending weeks in a puddle of blood. Hehehehe… At lunch she gave us this French Licorice with 6 billion watt dose of ANIS. What a kick. Hiromi literally ran from the dining area to… express her true feelings about the licorice in the private outdoors. Whereas, I really liked the stuff, but like Mikey, I’ll eat anything once

After lunch though, it was time to slit Michael Jai White’s throat… that’s right, we’re in China and they can get away with that here. As they begin to rig him up for the shoot, for the arterial spray. I’m giddy… I’ve never been on a set for a blood letting, and that’s what I’m here for.

I’m giddy, I get right up there, suddenly the Chinese AD Zhang tells an assistant to tell me to get back or I will get blood on me. Well, I let him know I won’t be satisfied unless I get blood on me. I’m not sure what Zhang said, but the other Chinese guy began laughing, so I’m sure the phrase, "Crazy Fat Kid" was in there somewhere, but I don’t care. I’ve been waiting my entire life to be on a movie set and see blood spray out of a freshly cut wound.

To have that wound come from a Samurai sword is fucking cool. To have the hand wielding the samurai sword be David Carradine’s… WAY FUCKING COOL. And To have that take place with me being awake and not asleep in a puddle of my own making… SUCH A RELIEF!

The crazy American AD, Bill Clark says that if I want to get blood on me, I should stand between the cameras. Well, I’ve only been on set for 4 days, but if I’ve learned anything in these 4 days, it is that Bill Clark is not to be trusted. Quentin gave him explicit orders to not ruin anymore adjectives in describing things, because it just hurts him today. And when I was being tortured and blessed by the magical wushu massage of steel fingers by DR LEE… he was laughing at me. He is not looking out for my best interests… However, this time I think he’s right!

Next thing I know, I’ve got a seat directly in front of Michael Jai White…. Hhehehehe… They have it there as a challenge. I’ll take that challenge. I’m wearing a samurai print shirt… getting blood spilt by Bill (David Carradine) upon that shirt would be an honor and a joy. Getting SPAWN blood on that shirt is even better.

The KNB Appliance is absolutely convincing. It really does look like Michael Jai White’s throat is slit as his head leans back it wound opens up even further, and reacts just like flesh… Really cool. Very happy to see Michael’s throat slit open.

I take a seat, Quentin was disappointed, he wanted me to be a human shield that he could direct from behind me… as I would work even better than plastic. And that it would protect his pristine white dress shirt. I tell Quentin if I were wearing a white shirt, I’d stand right in front to get blood splatters on it… Jesus… This is KILL BILL, blood splatters are what’s for breakfast!

As the first take happens, I’m disappointed, it looks great, but the spray didn’t have the distance necessary to Carrie White me. So, I scoot forward a bit, and on the second take there is a glorious spectacular spray of blood, some got on my face, my shirt, my pants and my GOOD AND EVIL shoes. More blood landed on the EVIL shoe, but the blood that landed on the GOOD shoe with the crucifix… well it just looks cooler.

After two more cakes I’m satisfied with my stained clothes, and more over, I’m a kid in a candy store. It was just completely thrilling to see a throat slit before my very eyes. To think, I had to go all the way to China for it. Heheheh, some people come for the Great Wall, I came to see blood spray… I guess call me post-modern that way.

After they nail the shot, it’s time to move to the Sushi Set in OKINAWA. This means, SONNY CHIBA acting! Holy shit, blood letting and Sonny Chiba in the same day? Life is Gooooood. As I enter the set area I quickly discover that there is no way I’ll have a space to sit in the Sushi Bar, so… Instead I look and identify Mark Ulano, the Production Mixer. Now I met Mark on the set of SPY KIDS, and he is the only person on set that has a monitor for what is going on. Hehehehe, Well, I choose to keep him company! This will also offer me with the first look at what the camera has been seeing during the shoot.

I notice Uma Thurman walk on set. She’s wearing blue levis and a white touristy t-shirt for OKINAWA… very cute. Hair is up in a ponytail, She’s wearing white tennis shoes with blue and red stripes. She’s carrying a map of Okinawa in one hand and a bag over the shoulder… tan-ish.

We’re shooting the opening of THE MAN FROM OKINAWA.

INT. SUSHI BAR (OKINAWA, JAPAN) - DAY