Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Oh, of course. Because when it rains here at AICN COMICS, it pours. I’ve got comics review comin’ out my wahoozitz. Once I figure out where that is exactly, I’ll be in good shape. ‘Till then, here’s your favorite @$$holes...
Jon Quixote here, bringing you another installment of the teen sensations that are sweeping the nation. All the way from Liverpool, England… The Talkback League of @$$holes!
Catch’em now, before Cormorant’s hippy girlfriend and Lizzybeth’s ego-feeding solo projects tear us apart. And remember, if you read my review backwards, it says “Buzz is dead. Steal his boots.”
Here’s their first single…
Title: SHAZAM AND THE SHAZAM FAMILY ANNUAL #1
Writer: Otto Binder
Artists: Marc Swayze, Mac Raboy, C.C. Beck, Pete Costanza, Jack Binder, and Bud Thompson
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
“Holy moley!”
Holy moley indeed, Captain Marvel! I happened to nab up a copy of SHAZAM AND THE SHAZAM FAMILY ANNUAL #1 the other day and enjoyed the dog shit out of it. I had collected the most recent series of THE POWER OF SHAZAM, but never really read any of the hero’s classic adventures. This book collects some of the earliest tales of the Marvel Family and their greatest foes. Let’s start out with the basics. Just who is Captain Marvel anyway?
“Why he’s…er…He’s the World’s Mightiest Mortal.”
Damn straight, Freddy Freeman, you crippled little shit. Not only do I know that all young Billy Batson has to do is utter the word “SHAZAM!” to turn into Captain Marvel, but after reading this book, I know that he’s got the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury, which spells out the name of the Wizard who granted Billy his powers, SHAZAM. That’s a mighty combo of powers that old Wizard granted the young lad. How about the rest of the family? Wasn’t there a dame in a mini skirt?
“SHAZ…er, you-know-who wouldn’t give his powers to a girl!!”
Oh yes he would, Billy. And for god’s sake, change that red shirt. You wear it every day. It reeks of ass and turnips. That’s Mary Marvel over there and she’s one hot little number, I tell you what. The Wizard says that she gets her power from a different set of heroes from the past, her cry of SHAZAM! envokes the grace of Selena, the strength of Hippolyta, the skill of Ariadne, the fleetness of Zephyrus, the beauty of Aurora, and the wisdom of Minerva. And you know what? That’s something I didn’t know.
”I’m Freddy Freeman, a newsboy. I guess I represent all poor children.”
I know who you are. You also represent the worst facet of the Marvel Family, Captain Marvel Jr. All you have to say is “Captain Marvel!” to gain your power, but you can’t say your own name in a normal conversation without shooting a lightning bolt and changing, you lame turd. You’d think you would use the Wisdom of Solomon to come up with a better name. Although it isn’t in the Annual, I dug up this little list that makes up your SHAZAM! Powers, knobby knee boy. The redundancy of SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL, the hair of Hasselhoff, the appeal of Anal itch cream, the talent of Zimmerman, the usefulness of an Appendix, and the sexual charisma of Maude. Now skip away, gimpy. I don’t want to talk about you yet.
“Scram, sister or I’ll slap you silly!”
Hey, Mister Thug #1! That’s no way to treat Mary Marvel in a story that features her first appearance. I know the tale is filled with coincidences and one can almost see the writer shoving the characters in the right directions to move the plot along, but I can look past that since it’s a cute little tale that not only gives the origin of Mary Marvel’s power, but clues us all in to the fact that Mary and Billy Batson are twins separated at birth.
“All right Schultze! Start with her face and hit hard!”
That’s pretty cruel, Captain Nazi. Why don’t you beat on Captain Marvel Jr. for a while instead? I have to say my favorite part of this little ditty was when CMJ tricks the Aryan schnitzel with “the sneak up behind the bad guy and cover his eyes and ask guess who?” maneuver that was perfected by Bugs Bunny himself.
“It iss Captain Marvel Jr.! Drive the big machine at him!”
That’s it, Captain Nazi. Take that li’l rat bastard down. All of the art in this book reminds me of Sunday morning comics, especially since Billy Batson has Annie eyes, but the art in CMJ’s second tale by Mac Raboy is by far the best. Raboy has a style that teeters on the edge of caricature and cartoon. The characters faces have a spooky realism to them that makes the panels interesting even when the hero of the story is not.
”For resisting me, you get a broken neck.”
Don’t worry, Black Adam. The makers behind this book couldn’t resist putting you in one of the featured stories. Your origin tale in the third story ties your history with that of the rest of the Marvels and reveals that you were the first to have the power of the Wizard bestowed upon you. Although that wisdom of Solomon wasn’t working too well for you when you let Uncle Marvel trick you into saying SHAZAM! which turned you back into a human mortal. The finale of that tale was pretty gruesome. Who knew that when a 5,000 year old immortal turns human he also turns into a pile of bones and dust?
“As for Uncle Marvel…well, now, there’s something I can’t explain myself! He’s not a true Marvel at all! He’s a fraud!”
I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t know this before reading this book. It was funny to see this tubby bastard try to take on Black Adam by himself. I kind of like the idea of having a normal, old, fat, bald dude in a spandex costume he made himself hanging around a bunch of immortals. He’s kind of like my Uncle Ned who only wears a fuzzy, unfastened bathrobe and a pith helmet and brings loads of embarrassment to my Aunt Trudy and her cat, Truffles. He wants to fight crime too, but we only let him out on Halloween and Arbor Day.
“That laugh! It’s the Sivana chuckle of evil glee!”
A SHAZAM-fest wouldn’t be complete without a visit from Dr. Sivana. And this time, he’s brought the rest of his butt-ooglay family to terrorize the SHAZAM family in a five part tale that takes us to the past, the present, and the future. Sivana’s brood consists of a teeny bopper version of the good doctor named Georgia Sivana and an argyle sock wearing son named Sivana Jr. In a tale that bends the laws of physics, logic, and good taste, “The Sivana Family Strikes at the Marvel Family” is about as epic as this book gets. This is a bizarre and uneven tale with moments of downright goofiness featuring explosions going BLOWIE, floating cloud fortresses, and super hero fox hunts mixed in with chillingly sadistic snippets of reality as Dr. Sivana coldly murders a scientist off panel and entire civilizations are destroyed.
“Hee-yahhh, lil’ dowgie!”
That’s what I think Captain Marvel is yodeling on the back cover of this Annual in an ad for THE SHAZAM ARCHIVES Vol. 1 & 2. These hardcover collections look promising, especially the 2nd volume which depicts Captain Marvel riding a nuclear missile like Slim Pickens.
Since Captain Marvel and Crew do not have a monthly title to pitter around in, it is great to read some of their old adventures. I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t a Mr. Mind story, but I enjoyed this book nonetheless. I’m sure one of these days the heroes and villains of Fawcett City with have their own monthly book again. They are an important part of comic book history and it’s good to see DC honor it with this King Sized Annual. I’ll let The Big Red Cheese himself finish this review off.
“No matter what evil menace rises up, the Marvel Family is always there to fight and smash it.”
Truer words were never spoken.
“Right!”
I hate you, Captain Marvel Jr. I really, really do.
THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN VOL. 2 # 1
Written by Alan Moore
Art by Kevin O' Neill
Published by ABC/Wildstorm/DC
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
BUZZ NOTES -- Too busy, stoned, horny or just too damned lazy to read comics? Who isn't? That's why BUZZ NOTES were invented. We read the comics for you and tell you how to feel about them!
You are no doubt facing a big test, or have a term paper due on Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill's THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN VOL. 2 # 1. The first thing you should know is that "Vol.2" means that there was one other Vol. (volume) before this one. The "#1" means there were no other issues of this "vol." before this issue. In Volume 1, we saw the British government form a team of unorthodox agents, all characters from Victorian and Edwardian literature, to battle a villain who was never actually called Fu Manchu but was, in fact, the insidious devil doctor himself. The team consisted of Alan Quartermain from KING SOLOMON'S MINES and uh...ALAN QUARTERMAIN; Mina Murray from DRACULA; Captain Nemo from 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA; Stevenson's DR. JECKYL & MR. HYDE; and H.G. Welles' INVISIBLE MAN. (Vocabulary: look up "Victorian", "Edwardian", "unorthodox" and "insidious". Write down their definitions).
This issue takes place primarily on the planet Mars. Lt. Gullivar Jones of Edwin Arnold's GULLIVAR ON MARS, and Capt. John Carter, Edgar Rice Burroughs' "Warlord Of Mars" lead an army of various beings and beasts against a stronghold of invaders from another world, who turn out to be H.G. Welles' WAR OF THE WORLDS Martians. The Sorns, from C.S. Lewis' space trilogy, lend a hand to our heroes who eventually learn that the invaders' real target is Earth.
Possible test question: Which Martian story was Moore most likely to draw inspiration from? a) OUT OF THE SILENT PLANET by C.S. Lewis. b) MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS by John Gray. c) HAREWAY TO THE STARS by Chuck Jones.
Possible essay questions: 1) Why isn't the League in this issue more? ... ANSWER: C'mon, you don't expect Alan Moore to just retell WAR O' THE WORLDS, do you? He's going to give us a different take on Welles' book and incorporate characters from other 19th/ early 20th century books about Mars.
2) Why isn't the Martian language translated? ... ANSWER: Moore doesn't translate the Martian language because it makes the characters more alien and other worldly.
3) Why the hell ISN'T The League in the story more? ... ANSWER: It's called a dramatic entrance, dumbass! And you asked that question already!
4) Why is Kevin O'Neill's art so awesome? ...ANSWER: Because it captures the mood, setting, characters and action beyond perfection.
5) What's that crazy prose travelogue in the end all about? ... ANSWER: Among other things, the travelogue will make you look at ALICE IN WONDERLAND in a completely different light.
DISCLAIMER: BUZZ NOTES does not guarantee you a good grade or even a passing grade. Remember, if you don't get into college, you can still have a fulfilling career as a poultry plucker, a body cavity searcher or a comic book reviewer.
QUEEN & COUNTRY #10
Writer: Greg Rucka
Artist: Leandro Fernandez
Publisher: Oni Press
Reviewed by Cormorant
QUEEN & COUNTRY has run aground of controversy lately, at least among its pre-existing fans. Y’see, QUEEN & COUNTRY switches artists with each story arc, emulating the fondly-remembered Vertigo title, SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE, but the current artist, Leandro Fernandez, has hit a sour note with some readers. Some are citing him as too cartoony for a serious espionage comic, but most of the criticism is directed towards his depiction of the series’s protagonist, agent Tara Chace. The problem: in the previous two story arcs, Chace has been visualized as fairly attractive in a Jodie-Foster-as-Clarice-Starling kind of way, but Fernandez has overtly sexualized her, enhancing her curves, amping her bust size, and showing enough of her cleavage to make Lara Croft jealous.
It’s an unfortunate situation, because it’s been a notable distraction in what is otherwise one of the best story arcs on a title that’s been terrific from the get-go. Editor Jamie S. Rich has noted that Fernandez actually began drawing his arc concurrently with Steve Rolston drawing the first story, and before the art for the second arc had even begun, so that’s something of a mitigating factor when it comes to pointing fingers at Fernandez for not following pre-established character designs. Still, there’s just no denying that it’s been very jarring for readers. That said, Fernandez seems to have distinctly reigned in his booby-love in the current QUEEN & COUNTRY, so much so that I wouldn’t have mentioned the problem at all save for the fact that I want to recommend the story as a whole. And as a whole, there’s no denying it has a few warts, but it’s good enough to look past ‘em.
The story so far: in issue #8, a Lebanese national named Mahoud Youssef approached the British embassy in Cairo. In a tense scene that hooked me immediately, he feigned difficulty speaking English while the guards searched his attaché case to find a note that read: “I am being watched. I must speak to your ambassador. I have information vital to U.K. citizen safety.” Tara Chace, whom readers know to be one of three field agents for the Special Section of the British intelligence agency, MI-6, was dispatched to interview Youssef, determine his credibility, and see what price he was asking for his information. By the current issue, his warning of a chemical warfare strike on the U.K. from Egyptian Islamic Jihad is looking both likely and imminent, but squabbles over information-sharing with the C.I.A. have slowed the investigation down. Further complicating matters is Tara’s burgeoning relationship with fellow agent Ed Kittering. It’s tenuous enough as is, but as issue #10 opens, Ed is parachuting into Iraq on a recon and assassination mission so dangerous that the higher-ups don’t expect him to survive.
Any of this catching your fancy?
It sure as hell is working for me.
Aside from reading a few Tom Clancy and James Bond novels, I can't claim to be a huge fan of the spy genre, but QUEEN & COUNTRY is awakening a fascination with the in’s and out’s of real espionage. There are no James Bond action set-pieces to this comic, no cornball gadgets, and no pulp villains. Everything is grounded in deadly-serious reality, from the torn-from-the-headlines missions, to the inter-intelligence agency rivalries, to the burned-out professionals who actually get the job done. During the last 007 movie, there was a scene where Bond was chased around by a helicopter with a big-ass circular saw hanging below it. A CIRCULAR SAW! The scene provoked unintended laughter, but zero in the way of excitement. By contrast, my pulse quickens every time I catch the taut scene in the movie PATRIOT GAMES where a surgical commando strike on a terrorist camp is witnessed through a heat-sensitive satellite feed, projected on giant monitors in a darkened operations room. QUEEN & COUNTRY speaks to the latter style of suspense, and if anything, QUEEN & COUNTRY is generally even more subdued than a Clancy thriller.
Beyond his always strong plotting, Rucka is also to be credited with creating a memorable lead in Tara Chace. As of the current issue, she’s still somewhat unhinged from the events of past issues, and it’s clear the job is eating away at her humanity. In the opening of issue #10, there’s a flashback to a harried conversation with Ed Kittering that takes place after the pair have made love. Ed wants to talk about his pending mission to Iraq, but Tara is absolutely shutting him out, raising her defenses early lest she allow herself to be emotionally overwhelmed should he die. It’s brutal, it’s tragic, but it feels spot-on for someone in her line of work. This is also the issue where the story really kicks into high gear, as we cut between Ed’s mission in Iraq, startling new developments during Tara’s second meeting with Youssef, and the introduction of new satellite intelligence that may point to the exact chemical weapons facility Youssef has described. Throughout, Rucka’s writing is extremely tight, with not a single extraneous scene and all the plotlines working in tandem to push the suspense bar to the limit.
Fernandez’s art, despite my qualms with his past depiction of Tara, is generally well-suited to the book. His drawings are very elaborate, hinting at the European tradition of clean-line detail, but grounded in lots of heavy blacks, which I associate more with American cartooning, going back at least as far as Milt Caniff’s TERRY AND THE PIRATES comic strip. The easiest way to describe Fernandez’s art is by noting that he works in the same studio as Eduardo Risso, the shockingly great Argentine artist who draws 100 BULLETS, and his art is somewhat similar, though his faces are notably more exaggerated. My only complaint is that there’s a slight inconsistency in his exaggerations, with some characters looking almost Disney-esque, and other being quite realistic. In general, he’s got a great flair for movement and his detailed backgrounds rock.
Final judgment: QUEEN & COUNTRY may not be a flashy espionage story, but who the hell needs another one of those? Go watch Vin Diesel in XXX or Mike Myers in GOLDMEMBER if you need to feed that fix. I might even join you. When you’re done, though, remember that real-life spying is a darker and infinitely more fascinating beast, and try your hand at QUEEN & COUNTRY. The first story arc has been collected in the trade paperback, QUEEN & COUNTRY: BROKEN GROUND, and you only have to backtrack to issue #8 if you want to get in on the current story. I bill QUEEN & COUNTRY as one of the top five comics being published.
APACHE SKIES #1
Writin’ by John Ostrander
Paintin’ by Leonardo Manco
Publishin’ by Marvel Comics
Reviewin’ by The Quixotic Kid!
Yeah, I read Blaze of Glory. I read it and I thought, this writer don’t get it. This ain’t no western, it just looks like one. Ostrander just threw them four Kids in a stock situation, and then killed most of’em off for no good reason. He didn’t seem to understand that westerns are more than just showdowns and saddle sores. If yer gonna tell a good western story, ‘specially one where a bunch of longtime gunslingers go down in a hail of bullets, there needs to be something personal going on. The story needs to mean somethin’. Blaze of Glory didn’t mean nothin’. Nothin’ to the reader, nothin’ to the characters.
I read Apache Skies #1 and I thought, it’s about damn time, pardon the language. Writer’s getting it right this time. Some lily-livered snake plugged the Apache Kid, and the Rawhide Kid’s out for revenge. But there’s a new Apache Kid in town, and this Kid’s gunnin’ for the killers too. There’s a story with some meanin’. More goin’ on than just bullets and brawlin’. Characters get involved. Readers get involved. Feels right.
Sounds right too. Blaze went on like an old western dime novel. Problem is, dime’s pretty cheap. Buys you a city boy tryin’ to sound like he were really there watchin’ Custer take a tomahawk to the nuts, ‘stead of the library he read about it in. The words might come together real nice, but they read about as real as a comic book reviewer tryin’ to write in a Clint Eastwood voice. Like playin’ pretend. But Apache Skies sounds right. Sounds real. Feels like you’re there.
Them comic pitchers are purdy. Manco broke out the brushes for this one. Gritty. Dark. Real nice. Guy who put the letters in is a real dumb ass though. See, this oil painted art sucks you in, then you see a sound effect looks like it come from a Bugs Bunny cartoon, takes you right back out. Some of the action don’t make sense neither. Bad guy, surrounded by bodyguards, but the Rawhide Kid pops up outta nowhere, goes behind the bad guy and puts the iron to his head. Then, next thing you know, bad guy gets his guts blown out, Rawhide Kid ain’t there no more. No call for that kind of sloppiness.
Legacy of Blaze of Glory stinks up this comic too. Rawhide Kid was pretty much the only gunfighter saw the end of that book. Problem is, Rawhide Kid’s the least interestin’ of the four. Just some noble bad ass with a gun. Kid Colt got a hot temper keeps getting him in hot water, Two Gun Kid gave up gunfightin’ for lawyerin’, and Outlaw Kid, well shit, he ain’t all there. But the Rawhide kid buried them three a ways back. Rather it was the other way ‘round, and we got to read about them different and quirky fellas. Still, Ostrander’s mess to clean up, and the Rawhide Kid makes for some good readin’. I just can’t help wonder for what might’a been.
BATMAN #605
Ed Brubaker - Writer
Scott McDaniel - Penciler
Andy Owens - Inker
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by Unfrozen Caveman Comic Reviewer
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists.
Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic makes me want to get out of my BMW and run off to the hills or whatever. Sometimes when I get an e-mail on my computer, I wonder "Did little demons get inside my monitor and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp such concepts.
But there is one thing I do know. When a comic company with such a rich and fantastic pantheon of villains like DC concludes a 30 issue Batman storyline to reveal that the person who did it is some guy named David, it's time to stop buying Batman comics.
Thank you.
TRANSMETROPOLITAN #58
Warren Ellis; Darick Roberstson, Rodney Ramos
Vertigo / DC Comics
Reviewed by Lizzybeth
TRANSMET is one of my favorite books of the past few years, and if I were to compile the all-time list it would rank pretty high. It combines so many of my favorite things: sci-fi, black humor, sociopolitical commentary, I-piss-on-your-grave attitude. It’s the book I turn to when I’m ticked off about the world and all the stupid people in it, because no matter how angry I get, Warren Ellis is much, much angrier. And Spider Jerusalem, his countercultural journalist hero in the futuristic world of TRANSMETROPOLITAN provides the catharsis for people like us. To give the standard run-down: Ellis has basically taken a violent, drug addicted pissed off Hunter S. Thompson figure, dumped him in an even-more-insane City of the far future, and sent him to war against the criminal president that he accidentally helped to put in office. It’s a world that’s both a vulgar exaggeration of all the crazy shit we live with now, and a scary glimpse at what we might be living with in the future.
I’ve been a little frustrated with the title lately, because it seems that the pace has been slowing down more and more as the series continues. TRANSMET should really be read in graphic novel format instead of the smaller doses of the monthly comic, but I am impatient with waiting for the collections when I know the book is coming to an end, and I have been impatient with this final story arc. While I’m in no hurry for TRANSMET to be over, the series has been ending and ending and ending for a year now and I’ve been waiting eagerly for that last kick in the ass that we all know is coming. But even as we’re counting down to Issue 60, which Ellis has deemed to be the last, it seems like not a lot has been happening.
Or it did before #58. This issue is like a pressure-cooker boiling over, with the events of the entire series finally coming together. Suddenly many, many things are happening. The Smiler’s crimes are finally catching up to him, and his reaction is downright scary. The guy is slowly coming unhinged. Martial law has been declared in The City, as protests are erupting into riots. It looks like Vita Severn’s murder (by agents of the president) will finally be avenged, thanks in part to Mary, the revival from one of my favorite shorts way back in “Another Cold Morning.” Which is cool. I love when details like this come together. The media is on the White House like hungry wolves hoping for a good bite, and Jerusalem and his filthy assistants are in hiding.. well, they’re usually in hiding these days, but now they’re REALLY in trouble, what with The City being on fire, and the falling president on their trail. A showdown is eminent, and, if the last page of this issue is any indication, it’s gonna be huge.
Darick Robertson has outdone himself here, with some of the most arresting images of the series – the freeze-frame opening, The Smiler glowering at Robert McX’s televised tirade, and the Spider/Channon/Yelena trio looking down almost gleefully on the chaos they’ve created. There’s some satisfaction in seeing the rest of The City fully getting behind Spider Jerusalem’s crusade, even if the sudden gung-ho media heroism wears a bit thin at times. Somehow I have trouble believing that all these reporters are jumping on this story with the belief that “truth should be told” rather than the belief that “I have to scoop the other networks, where’s my hairstylist?” But it’s nice to imagine that maybe one guy and his typewriter could make a difference, if he was a righteous, ruthless bastard like Spider. TRANSMETROPOLITAN makes me want to believe in journalism again. It’s that good.
Verdict: It’s sad to see a good comic come to an end, but good comics deserve an ending. I can’t wait to see what Warren Ellis has got up his sleeve. Only 2 issues to go. Don’t miss it.
SOJOURN #13
Writer: Ron Marz
Artist: Greg Land
Publisher: Oni Press
Reviewed by Cormorant
After having given extremely positive reviews to the CrossGen titles WAY OF THE RAT HERE and RUSE HERE, I was a little worried about being labeled a secret CrossGen sympathizer, especially after I used to gripe like a bitter old man about how all CrossGen titles were so mediocre and flat. Well, my friends, don’t call me a hypocrite just yet (wait till the end for that), ‘cause here’s the review where I dispel those accusations completely (which is pretty easy, since I made ‘em up anyway)!
First, a guilty confession: despite my professed hatred for the schlock fantasy of SOJOURN in the past, and my antipathy for Ron Marz’s writing in general, I’ve actually been reading SOJOURN on the sly for about a year now. 95% of my interest in the series came from Greg Land’s almost ridiculously beautiful art, in which every character that’s not a troll or an undead conqueror looks like a gorgeous soap opera star, even when they’re chained up in some godforsaken dungeon. There’s never a stray hair out of place for SOJOURN’s heroes, and the male lead even sports a consistently perfect beard stubble, thus giving the title’s female readership something to ogle while the guys all stare at the statuesque Arwyn, vengeful archer and future Clairol spokesmodel. The other 5% of my interest in SOJOURN amounts to an embarrassing but abiding fondness for the occasional utterly cheesy story, whether in film, prose, or comics. Sometimes stories are so bad they’re good, and for a year or so, SOJOURN’s been just that, filled with soap opera players, hoary vengeance clichés, and cringe-inducing dialogue. With issue #13, though, we have a story of such monumental cheesiness that even Kraft must kneel in awe before it, and I don’t know whether to salute Ron Marz for the unintentional laughter he’s given me or burn all my SOJOURN comics, liberating me from my secret shame. Probably the latter, but let’s talk specifics before we do anything rash…
SOJOURN #13 is a break from the comic’s usual focus on Arwyn and her beefcake pal, Gareth, setting its sights on the bad guys for a change. In particular, this is a story about Bohr, the troll Captain of the Guard for the book’s resident Big Bad, Mordath. What Marz is clearly trying to do is reveal the great depth of his characters by showing that even the trolls -- previously seen to be about as personable as Tolkein’s orcs – well, they’re people too, gosh darn it! Okay, I can respect the concept – humanizing the villains worked wonders for Batman’s foes in the 90’s, courtesy of the brilliant animated series. As a result, forgotten villains like Clayface and Mr. Freeze became both sympathetic and utterly compelling, and how could you not feel for a nutball like Harley Quinn, utterly devoted to the abusive Joker? But where those stories had touches of subtlety to them, Ron Marz throws caution to the wind and decides to assault readers with that cruelest of enchanted weapons, the Sympathy Sledgehammer. By god, he’s gonna make your heart break for Bohr, the sad and noble troll, even if it takes twenty-two pages of one gruelingly maudlin scene after another! Cry, damn you, cry! He’s not evil, just misunderstood!
Want some examples? Well, the story opens with Bohr standing amidst a half dozen dead humans in a forest, victims of his deadly sword. Brutal, you say? Nah, turns out they were all bandits. We couldn’t have the great, Noble Troll threatening innocents like every other troll in the series has done so far! Then he hops onto his horse to continue his secret mission. You’d think trolls might be mean to their horses, right? Not this guy. He’s a little gruff with it, but he still brings it into the cave with him to take shelter from an approaching storm. But, uh-oh, there’s a mean ol’ cave bear that attacks the pair of ‘em, and Bohr draws his sword and engages it in combat! Gritty, huh? No, not really. He catches sight of some cute little bear cubs in the back and realizes the big, bad bear is just protecting its own, so he leaves the bears in peace like the noble guy he is. And here’s the clincher (jump ahead if you don’t want the ending spoiled!): Bohr’s secret mission, revealed when he arrives at a troll village the next day…is to visit his dying momma-troll! OW! Stop it, Ron Marz! Stop beating me with your patented Sympathy Sledgehammer! It’s funny but it huuuurts!
Yes, the lesson learned from this issue is that despite 12 prior issues revealing trolls to be the kind of cruel, evil shock troops that raze villages and threaten to rape beautiful peasant girls that look like models, it turns out they’re pretty much exactly like humans…just with pointy ears and green skin. Greg Land, who never drew a woman that wasn’t a dish, even draws Bohr’s wife with precise human features – attractive features even -- made troll-ish only by a few scales on her neck and her pointed ears. It’s what I think of as the STAR TREK-effect, where the aliens all seemed to look just like humans save for the application of a spiky brow ridge here, or a few non-offensive spots there. All sarcasm aside, Land is an amazing draftsmen with the potential to be great, but I think he’s a little over-reliant on photo reference at this point. I’d like to see him cut loose with his imagination a little more, making both the settings and monsters a little more exotic.
Now, according to Diamond’s list of the Top 100 comics (based on initial orders), SOJOURN is actually CrossGen’s best-selling title. This scares me a little, because the writing is shockingly middle-of-the-road and painfully heavy-handed when it tries to evoke emotion. Plus, there’s that whole painful admission that I’ve actually helped support this thing! Yeesh. But we @$$holes are all about honesty, and if that means acknowledging a guilty pleasure, then so be it. There’s nothing wrong with a little guilty pleasure, I say, as long as you recognize how it makes you weak and disgusting and weakens every serious criticism you’ll ever make.
D’oh!
Final judgment: Unless through some bizarre twist of genetics you happen to have a similar predilection for sword and sorcery cheese like I do (a good test: can you stomach WILLOW?), I wholeheartedly recommend you do *not* buy SOJOURN. If you want a great fantasy comic, look to the lesser known books like BONE or THIEVES & KINGS – they’re infinitely superior. For the record, I actually bear CrossGen no malice at all, and admire much of their efforts to revitalize the comics industry with forgotten genres and new production models. I just wish most of their comics didn’t suck so hard.
Title: GREEN ARROW #15
Writer: Kevin Smith
Penciler: Phil Hester
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
All right, where did this Kevin Smith come from and where was he during the first 13 issues of the GREEN ARROW series?
When Smith announced that he was tackling the writing chores for GREEN ARROW, I was a bit leery. I was glad that the character was getting his own series again, but I feel that Smith has only been able to write in about two or three voices throughout his career as a Director/Writer/Producer and now Comic Book Creator. So far we’ve seen a mopey schlub character accompanied by a wise-ass partner character trod through every single film the guy has produced. And every one of his characters is wordier than an @$$hole on New Dictionary Day. Smith’s treatment of character is slightly different in comics. Since these characters have been used before by other creators, Smith has a blueprint to follow as inspiration. I find his four color characters more interesting than the ones he creates for the screen.
That’s not to say that Smith gets his comic characters right every time. Smith started out the GREEN ARROW series with a story that really didn’t belong in the Ollie Universe. GA has always been the normal guy in the outrageous situations that says “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” But tales of demonic cults, soulless shells, and trips to the Afterlife are not things that come to mind when I think of Ollie Queen’s greatest adventures. I would’ve loved to see the Spectre resurrect Ollie in issue #1 and be done with it all, but at least the year-long arc brought Ollie back to the land of the living so I’m not complaining too much.
The main problem I had with GREEN ARROW was that there wasn’t a lot of action. There were a few issues during the first year where not one arrow was slung. Major Arrowhead faux pas, folks. Like his dialog-heavy movies, Smith fills his comic book panels with word balloon after word balloon. What the characters are saying is usually interesting and witty, but this isn’t the Green Tongue (that’s an @$$HOLE COMIC I’m working on, which chronicles my trip to a Tijuana brothel), this is GREEN ARROW. Make with the bow sling-ging and the arrow fling-ging already. After Smith’s first year on the title, I was not convinced that he had what it takes to construct a good action comic.
Now that was my main complaint as of issue thirteen. Then something happened that changed my mind about this book. Smith wised up and brought Ollie into the real word, with real world characters and situations and dangers. And all of a sudden, out of the freaking blue, Smith constructs one of the most tension filled issues I have read in a long time. The issue is GREEN ARROW #14. A serial killer by the name of Onomatopoeia kills super heroes and who speaks in sounds instead of words. Kinda like that annoying guy from the POLICE ACADEMY movies.
Quick issue #14 synopsis: Ono shoots Green Arrow’s son, Connor Hawke, in the head and leaves him for dead. Ollie finds his son, rushes him to the hospital, and donates his blood to save Connor’s life. Ono finds out that he didn’t finish the job and so he goes after Connor in the operating room. Still loopy from the blood transfusion, Ollie sees the killer and rushes into the operating room to stop him. The issue’s ending puts the “iffhanger” in cliffhanger as a semi-conscious Ollie holds Ono at bow-point in the operating room with his wounded son at death’s door.
NOW THAT’S SOME TENSE SHIT!
I’m not going to say much about issue #15 other than the fact that it is chock filled with balls-to-the-wall action. It’s fast. It’s gritty. It’s bloody. Ollie is fighting for the life of his son and it shows. The images of Ono with arrows sticking out of various parts of his body are intense. I’m not one of those guys that worship their Silent Bob action figure every night before I go to bed, but Smith has impressed me with this issue. He CAN do action. He CAN shut the hell up and let the story play out without littering the page with word balloons. This is the type of GREEN ARROW story I was waiting for.
Too bad this is Smith’s last issue.
One thing I do have to say about Smith’s take on GA is that he nails Ollie’s character perfectly. He’s arrogant. He’s harsh. He’s hard-headed, hard-nosed, and hard to get along with. Smith made it fun to see Ollie meet up with various characters because Ollie has an opinion about every thing and every one in the DCU. It’s just too bad that Smith doesn’t know squat about the other characters in the series--most importantly, Connor Hawke.
Connor Hawke used to be THE Green Arrow. After Ollie seemingly died, his son decided to pick up a bow and follow in his father’s footsteps. For quite a while, Chuck Dixon wrote the ongoing adventures of Connor and they were some of my all-time favorite stories. Connor was interesting because he was the exact opposite of Ollie. He grew up in an ashram with monks, not a life of fame and riches. He was experiencing the outside world for the first time. He was a martial artist pretending to be a bowman, not the master archer that Ollie is. He was awkward around girls because he had never seen one before, which is the flip side of Ollie’s womanizing ways. I always liked the Ollie Queen character, but I cringed when I heard he was coming back because I knew that his return would shuffle Connor to the back burner. When I heard Smith was going to use Connor in GREEN ARROW, I couldn’t wait.
Then it happened. Remember waaay back at the beginning of this review when I said that Smith had a limited number of voices in his repertoire of characters? Alas, his characterization well ran dry. Smith wrote Connor as a cocky young punk who cracks wise and speaks slang. “Ain’t” ain’t in Connor’s vocabulary. Connor’s innocence should contrast Ollie’s experience. It’s great material to build a story around, but this book is about Ollie and Smith doesn’t seem interested in telling a story like that. I know I’m delving into nit-pick territory, but being a fan of the old series, this is something that is too distracting for me to ignore.
Since Smith kept his yapping yapper shut for a large section of this issue, we are treated with more of Phil Hester’s art and it’s great stuff. I originally thought his characters were cartoony, but the intensity and power in issue #15’s panels have vanquished those thoughts.
Smith is leaving this series with a bang. I’m almost willing to forgive him for the mishandling of the Connor Hawke character after reading this, his final tale. It is refreshing to see a creator who is so outrageously hyped up come through with a story like this. Maybe there’s hope for the big guy yet. Next issue, Brad Meltzer takes over the title’s writing chores. It’s a good hopping on point for those who haven’t been thrilled with Smith’s run. I’m eager to see what the New York Times best selling author has planned for Ollie.
THING: FREAKSHOW # 2
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Scott Kolins & Andy Lanning
Published by Marvel
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
Geoff Johns is one of the modern saviors of the monthly superhero comic. He has the unique ability to take a mainstream, somewhat second-tier hero who has been around forever and make the character and his supporting cast interesting. The real trick that Johns pulls is that he's able to do this within established continuity. I mean, Johns and artist Scott Kolins are the guys who have made THE FLASH and his rogues among the coolest things out there.
We're lucky that Johns and Kolins have teamed to give us the mini-series THE THING: FREAKSHOW. In issue # 1, we saw Ben Grimm as a boy, cruelly tormenting a deformed boy at a freak show. As we all know, Grimm grew up and became the Thing. We saw that the Thing is still regarded as a freak in the Marvel Universe, and that this was getting to Grimm. He hopped a freight train and ended up visiting another freak show. The star attraction was the boy he'd mistreated, now grown into a huge monster.
Istvan, the albino whom young Ben bullied, recognizes his childhood nemesis, even though cosmic rays have made Ben orange and lumpy. The wonderful thing that Johns does here is to convey to us, without being overt about it, that Ben regrets his childish cruelty but that he doesn't go into histrionics about it. This comes from a real understanding of the Thing's character. Ben Grimm was a test pilot. Those guys are tough! They must be utterly self-assured and resolute. It's not in their make up to be consumed with guilt. The Thing doesn't want to fight Istvan, but he's not going to back down from him either.
Comic books rarely surprise me. This issue did. I had no idea where it was going. I thought we'd have a sad sack Thing bonding with Istvan. Instead, Johns and Kolins take us into traditional superhero territory but with twists and jolts. And they're not the modern twists and jolts...the Thing and Istvan don't start making out and no one dies to prove that comic book characters can die. It's just a nice case of things not being what they seem. The surprise isn't that big in the context of this issue, but it is a somewhat radical shift from last issue.
Johns and Kolins are master storytellers. Jemas, Quesada, somebody hire these guys to do the monthly FANTASTIC FOUR.
ONI COLOR SPECIAL 2002
Various Writers/Artists
Oni Press
Reviewed by Lizzybeth
I love these things. The first “sampler” comic I picked up was the Vertigo Preview back in 1992. These came with any purchase from my store, which was like getting free dessert with my then mostly-superhero diet, or maybe free crack considering I was a Vertigo addict for years after that. I still flip through my copy now and again. Some of those titles I’ve forgotten about (SEBASTIAN O?), while others are remembered fondly or even still going (HELLBLAZER). Compilation-type comics are like a time capsule in a way, and make a much better keepsake than you'd expect. Sometimes they're even entertaining. Most of all, they can make a great introduction to a different line of comics.
For comic fans unfamiliar with indie stronghold Oni Press, or smaller publishers in general, the Oni Color Special is a good way to get acquainted with a number of creators both well-known and up-and-coming in the comics industry. Here, Oni has gathered up some of their regular and upcoming contributors and put together short stories and excerpts for both newcomers to and fans of the Oni line. In the 2002 edition, you get:
As usual, a wrap cover from MADMAN's Mike Allred (Madman included).
Full-color artwork for 48 ad-free pages.
A preview short for upcoming Warren Ellis series THE OPERATION, which resembles POWERS a little too much for me, but is worth a look.
A prequel to Gary Phillips and Brett Weldele's gritty SHOT CALLERZ, which benefits from both the text format and the few striking illustrations.
Previews for several upcoming series from creators such as Christian Gossett and Bradley Kayl (THE RED STAR), Steve Rolston (QUEEN AND COUNTRY), Ted Naifeh (GLOOM COOKIE), and Brian O'Malley (HOPELESS SAVAGES).
Several entertaining shorts, including "Big Snobby Git", a ballsy and funny slap at Brit-philes like me from Gail Simone (DEADPOOL, KILLER PRINCESSES).
The usual array of inside-comics jokes and references, some successful ("..Git") and some not (Gossett's "Buddha Master and Angst Man" -- shredding Frederick Wertham and holding Bendiscon 2099 is fun in theory, but tired in practice).
Overall, it's a fine collection. The high points ("Vacant", by Phil Hester, and O'Malley's "Lost at Sea") are enjoyable on their own brief terms. The previews are mostly promising and the few that aren't are over quickly. It's a strong publisher that can put together a collection of all-new material from collaborators of this calibre, every single year.
SPIDER-MAN’S TANGLED WEB #16
Daniel Way – Writer
Leandro Fernandez – Artist
Published by Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Village Idiot
Consider the “prison drama.” Part political intrigue, part moral commentary, part suspense thriller, the prison drama has a potent movie genre throughout most of the twentieth century, from Howard Hawk’s THE CRIMINAL CODE to TV’s OZ. The prison drama gives those of us “on the outside” a vicarious glimpse of what goes on “in the big house” (fictional ones, anyway) with a standard set of clichés that by now have become fairly familiar: Cigarettes are used for money. The wardens are jerks. The guards are corrupt. Step out of line, and you’re going to solitary. Only the tough, or those who are lucky enough to befriend the tough, survive. Taking a shower is the scariest thing in the world. Basically, it’s like junior high.
Offering a fairly comedic take on this tradition within the context of the Marvel Universe comes this month’s SPIDER-MAN’S TANGLED WEB #16. TANGLED WEB #16 is another one of those books that inhabits the murky nether region of my opinion: It wasn’t that bad, really; in fact I was mildly intrigued with it as I read it. But the sheer enjoyment level was a bit low, so it only gets a mild, qualified recommendation.
Again, the story draws on the traditions of the prison drama with a dryly comedic slant. The story is centered on the Spider-Man villain Tombstone. (TANGLED WEB is actually a showcase book for Spider-Man villains.) After having a heart attack during a bank robbery, Tombstone is sent to The Cage: an ultra ultra high security prison for Marvel supervillains. While he’s there, Tombstone finds a prison arch-nemesis in the form of the huge and indecipherably accented Australian villain, Kangaroo. Tombstone is bad ass, but only as far as his weak heart will allow. The story is his prison adventure, and how he plots to kill Kangaroo despite the obstacles of his heart and the prison itself.
In addition to the basic appeal of prison drama itself, Daniel Way has managed to build some anti-hero sympathy for Tombstone; this despite the fact that he’s obviously such a rotten guy. Like in most prison dramas, the authority figures he has to deal with seem to be almost as rotten as he is. He’s literally thrown in prison (out of a helicopter), and is soon probed by a pretty scary, albeit silly, machine. When Tombstone tries to deal with his first prison confrontation (something that we as prison drama veterans know to be anxious about), he’s stopped short by his weak heart. In short, we feel for the guy. Way also offers up some amusing deadpan laughs along the way, including the fact that nobody, not even Kangaroo’s crew, can understand what the heck Kangaroo is saying.
On the other hand, this comic throws a lot of grotesque at you. Way’s characters act ugly. They also look ugly, exaggeratedly ugly, by way of Leandro Fernandez’s art. Fernandez seems to have drawn the all of the characters in TANGLED WEB #16 around their mouths, whether it be Tombstone’s Lon Chaney LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT mouth of pointy teeth, or the exaggerated lower jaw of a Cage prison guard named Sangese. The exaggeration is carried out with a cartoony rubbery-ness that doesn’t make it go down any easier. I suppose this grotesque-ness, both in the writing and the visuals, tended to keep my sheer enjoyment of the issue at a lower level. And perhaps much of this grotesque-ness is simply endemic of the prison drama. In other words, the prison drama is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to spend more than 2 issues there. Luckily this story is concluded next month.
Another factor that may affect my appreciation of TANGLED WEB #16 is the fact that I’m only loosely invested in the Marvel Universe, and perhaps for the more Marvel Zombie-ish among you, this issue may have more to offer. Nevertheless, although I did not find TANGLED WEB #16 overwhelmingly fun, it was interesting and funny enough to where I’ll probably see it through to the next issue. If you happen to be the kind of comic reader that likes prison drama, likes the character Tombstone, or likes huge incomprehensible Australian guys, check this one out.
Tales From the Crevice: books that fell through the crack
By Vroom Socko
I celebrated this year’s Fourth of July at a barbeque hosted by friends of a friend. Late in the evening, while participating in the traditional pastime of setting off fireworks while drunk, my hosts asked me what I did for a living. When I mentioned the work I do for this site, they took immediate note. With a cry of “We do comics!” one of the two rushed into their house, only to rush back out with a handful of books. “You should review these!” they said, thrusting the pile into my hands. Since I was outnumbered, and they were not only drunk but were holding lit fireworks that are considered illegal in this state, I said I’d do it.
Thankfully, the book that Tyson and Ian Smith have come up with is one I’d have no problem recommending, drunk or sober. It’s called ODDJOB, the operative word being odd. If I had to compare it to another comic, I’d say it was like a cross between Zot and The Tick, only it’s nothing like those comics.
The book follows the exploits of Moe, investigator of the odd. He’s the preeminent private investigator in Spiral City, who seems to attract the odd as opposed to investigating it. Just look at his friends. Moose Mulligan is a former baseball player who owns The Spittoon, the second freshest smelling bar in the city. He’s like Sam Malone with attitude. Robin is a conceptual clown, whatever that is, who spends most of his time eating, drinking, and playing 4-square. He’s like Drew Carey crossed with Barney the Dinosaur. With friends like these…
Who needs enemies? Especially these enemies; the first issue features the villainous Formaldehead, the most corrupt real estate agent on earth. Deciding at an early age that too much time is wasted with hair and skin care, he had his head removed, replacing it with a glass bubble. Other enemies include the Happy Squad, a trio of beanie baby crazed loonies who want to create a worldwide recess bell. Don’t ask. I’m not even going to go into the contradictory nature of the Amish Cyborg.
I was only given the first three books, so I can only assume that it gets even more bizarre. Slave Labor will be releasing a trade containing all eight issues in September, so I’ll be getting to the rest of the stories along with the rest of you. (You do all follow my recommendations blindly, right?) It’s a point of faith that SLG publishes the best humor comics available today. This is no exception.
Oh, the story that opens this installment is true. At least I think it’s true. I was full of Weinhard’s Ale at the time; Ty might not have been there. I do remember watching the movie they made together though.
Question for Discussion
What comic book creators would you want to hang out and drink with?
Of all of you, I think I hate Ambush Bug the very worstest. I will teach you HTML formatting, or I will die trying.
"Moriarty" out.
