A Crossed Pair of Eyes look at MEN IN BLACK 2!

Hey folks, Harry here with a couple of looks at MEN IN BLACK 2. I was surprised to hear just how insanely short this one ran... 88 minutes with end credits... 81 without. At least it can't be a huge waste of time, and some of the greatest team comedies in history are this length... Lots of the Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello... Of course those were genuinely brilliant, but hey, who's picking out the toddler's eyes here? Anyway... What's it all about... Alfie?

Just realised that I've not seen any reviews of Men in Black 2 on the site yet, so thought I should drop you a line. This is pretty short and lacking in detail I'm afraid, but it should give you a rough idea of what to expect.

The one positive point about this sequel is that the filmmakers have recognised the virtue of the original's brevity. However, they taken it too rather ridiculous extremes here, delivering a film which by my watch clocks in at about 77mins (not counting end credits). That it still feels long at that running-time is obviously not a good sign...

The shape and tone of the film is exactly the same as the original, although without the (admittedly dubious) pleasure in the set-up of the organisation itself. The film starts with a tongue-in-cheek vintage TV show which lays out the foundation of the plot - something about a special Light needed by the people of a benign planet to ensure its survival, the evil creature which wants it and Agent K's part in safeguarding the good guys. It's so slim that it barely sticks in the memory, hence this rather cursory summary.

After that it's business as usual - for Sonenfeld, for the actors and characters, and for us. There's no real joy or love to any aspect of the film, no sense of awe or excitement in the myriad special-effects creations. It's just an assembly-line - it chugs along predictably without any variation in pace. Creatures are confronted, cracked wise at and then destroyed. Will Smith looks barely engaged by the proceedings (it's not much of a challenge for him after Ali), Tommy Lee Jones brings his customarily professionalism to the part (and actually has a really nicely-delivered little monologue during the film's action climax), while Lara Flynn Boyle was obviously the cheapest sexpot they could find to mutate on-screen. She really does nothing much more than stroll around in Sarah Douglas cast-offs from Superman 2, shoot out tentacle-type things now and again and deliver a few 'wicked' one-liners. Johnny Knoxville- as Boyle's two-headed sidekick - doesn't really cut it here and fails to provide the breath of fresh air that the movie needs. At least Rosario Dawson is good and adorable, although she deserves a better film. In the end, the real star of the film - and the only character that the makers have invested much time in - is Frank the talking/singing dog. It's that desperate!

Although I wasn't exactly looking forward to Men in Black 2, I at least expected a harmless enough diversion - a bit of special-effects fun, some ok gags and enjoyable turns from supporting actors like Patrick Warburton, David Cross and Tony Shalhoub. The film doesn't even really manage any of that - it feels tired and cynical all the way through, with scenes barely set up in the rush to get to the pay-off. Nearly every sequence seems to contain some sort of creature or effect or other, and it's not long before your eye doesn't even register them anymore (especially when they all sort of look and move the same - there's variation in the design of these things but they all seem to weigh the same and have the same sort of textures). There's certainly nothing interest in the story or the characters, so all you're left with is one effects skit after another, with woefully extended digressions like a race of furry creatures who worship K and live in a locker in Grand Central Station (this scene is mildly amusing at first but is milked to death).

I doubt whether any subsequent big movie this summer will go through the motions more lazily than this one. As a franchise it's clearly keeping a lot of special-effects artists in work, but I can't see how it can hold any further attraction for either Smith, Jones or Sonnenfeld and it's unlikely to provide any lasting pleasure for audiences. If they have to make a third, turn it over to Joe Dante!

- Alfie Conn

Here's Officer Bud White reviewing a science fiction comic book comedy... Somehow I wouldn't of picked that for his beat, but maybe after being shot to hell his tastes changed... here's his look...