Enterprise 1.19 FAQ

What’s it called?

“Acquisition.”

Who’s responsible?

Teleplay is credited to Maria & Andre Jacquemetton (“Breaking the Ice,” “Dear Doctor”).

What does TV Guide say?

“The crew battles Ferengi thieves in a witty episode accented by snappy dialogue. Star Trek alumni Ethan Phillips (Voyager) and Jeffrey Combs (Deep Space Nine) play cousins who are among the pirates boarding the Enterprise. The greedy Ferengi - who take pride in their 173 bizarre ‘rules of acquisition’ - search for gold after sedating the crew with gas. But Trip (Connor Trinneer), who had been half-naked in a decontamination chamber, escapes the vapors. He plots with Archer (Scott Bakula) to thwart the aliens, and awakens a puzzled T'Pol (Jolene Blalock) to ask for her help. ‘Just because a guy's in his underwear,’ Trip quips, ‘you think the worst.’”

When does Archer wake?

The Ferengi, hungry for the quickest route to hidden treasure, rouse him in act two. Just before the translators finally start interpreting.

What is TV Guide not telling us?

It also guest stars Clint “Tranya” Howard, who in 1966 guest starred on the very first regular “Star Trek” episode ever filmed, “The Corbomite Manuever.” I think. And Matt Malloy, a robot repairman in Spielberg’s last movie, plays the fourth Ferengi.

What else is TV Guide not telling us?

All the dialogue in the first five minutes is Ferengi. (Hoshi, Malcolm, Travis and Phlox don’t have any dialogue at all this week.)

How do the little hinder-heads gas the crew?

Trojan-horse style. Their gas-delivery system is disguised as an artifact the crew brings aboard from a moon they were exploring.

Do the Ferengi strip all the unconscious females?

No. But there’s much ado about selling the girls into slavery.

When does T’Pol join the fun?

Trip revives her almost halfway in.

The big news?

None of the Ferengi wear those little headwraps that’ll be so popular 200 years later.

The bigger news?

The Ferengi leader employs one of those laser-whips. I don’t think we’ve seen one of those since the Patrick Stewart’s first season.

The bigger news?

T’Pol rather uncharacteristically plays a teasey little bondage game with Archer. And claims to take offence when Archer says she doesn’t have a sense of humor!

What’s good?

T’Pol’s seductive ruse. And Combs’ reading of “You should have managed your businesses better.”

What’s not so good?

The “Die Hard” homage on “Alias” was better: the stooge-like invaders here are essentially defeated via a series of elaborate practical jokes. (And one continues to get the impression that the Trek writers find the Ferengi a lot funnier than the audience does.) Once again, the better plots appear to be being held for sweeps.

How does it end, spoiler boy?

Inviso-text on: The final scene holds this promise: “You won’t see us again.”

Herc’s rating for “Enterprise” 1.19?

**1/2

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:

• ***** better than we deserve
• **** better than most motion pictures
• *** actually worth your valuable time
• ** as horrible as most stuff on TV
• * makes you quietly pray for bulletins

I am – Hercules!!

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