Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
By now, even the IMDb news service has picked up the story about the John Logan script for STAR TREK: NEMESIS showing up online. People are still questioning whether or not it's real, so allow me to confirm that it is indeed the script I read and reviewed last summer. As I said then, I'm not a STAR TREK fan. I've never been a STAR TREK fan.
I feel, then, that it is my duty to present the views here of a hardcore STAR TREK fan who has read the script (and god help him... the rabidly shitty formatting of that online version of the script would have driven me insane) for himself. If you're rabid about the franchise, you may be a lot closer to him than to me in your point of view. After all, one of the things I liked about it was that you could enjoy it as a space adventure whether you like STAR TREK or not. So... here's John Q with his POV on the whole thing:
Hi Guys,
Call me John Q.
I just got finished reading John Logan's "Star Trek: Nemesis" script, and I've got to say ... I am disappointed in a big way. I hope against all hope that what I read bears no resemblance to the draft they're shooting now... but I fear the worst. I mean... Gladiator was overrated, but I did expect better from Logan. "Nemesis" has absolutely nothing new to add to the Trek canon. It is neither a bold new step or a celebration of Trek (or NextGen, specifically). It reads like a bad, overlong Voyager script. It wants to be "Khan" ... MAN does it want to be "Khan!" But not only does it never get there, it never comes close. Here are some of the many, many reasons why:
SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!
First of all, let me tell you that I consider myself a Trekkie. I grew up on Trek. For many years of my life, I ate and breathed Trek. I made homage/spoof videos with my friends in high school. The signed copy of Jerry Goldsmith's score to "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" is a treasure in my collection, and I swooned over the recent "Director's Edition" DVD. Robert Wise is a god. Nick Meyer is a god. So it makes it particularly hard for me to sit here and pound nails in the coffin. But I will. I can't let a betrayal of this magnitude go undecried.
Let's start with the humor. Humor in Trek at its best works as a natural outgrowth of complex character relationships. Kirk, Bones and Spock could be hilarious. But there was always a profoundly moving and endearing element to the comedy. Even the secondary cast had this going ... like in Trek V, when Chekov and Sulu attempt to save face in front of Uhura. Or Sulu's "Don't call me tiny" in Trek III. They're silly moments, sure, but they work. Trek humor at its worst is stupid gags like Scotty walking into a beam, or lame one-liners like "Be one with the horse!" In "Nemesis," I'm sad to report that most of the humor is of the latter variety. We have plenty of potty-humor, bad one-liners, and comedy derived by putting Worf into awkward situations (why is Worf such a panty-waist, anyway?) and having Data's newly found, mentally-challenged brother "B-9" say the darndest things. (B-9 would make a great Bill Cosby guest). In one truly gut-wrenching pop-culture reference, Data sollemnly states: "Is that your final answer?" Gag me with a tribble.
Next-up: the Romulans. Everyone was real excited to hear that the Romulans would be the baddies in Nemesis. I know I was. Only problem is ... they're not. Not really. I'm forced to wonder: if the writers were really interested in showcasing the Romulans, then why did they spend the first few minutes of the film destroying everything the Romulans were and replacing them as villains with the mutant undercaste "Remans," who are led by a Human clone? We are told that the Romulan military supports this move because they are eager for conquest. We are also told that the Romulan government changes every few years. This flies in the face of everything the Romulans were supposed to be... an Evil Empire analagous to the Chinese, secretive and lethal. The Remans never entered into the picture until now, and now they enter in a big way, with overdone makeup that looks as if Nosferatu cross-bred with a crocodile. The Romulans have a few scenes in the movie. They grouse and drag their feet and eventually figure out that giving this insane alien upstart total control over the Empire was a really stupid thing for them to do, at which point they switch sides, get blowed-up real good, and we never hear from them again.
Let's talk about this villain... Shinzon. He's not nearly as pathetic as Ru'afo or Soran (though both of the latter had more clear-cut motivation), but frankly, he's not fit to lick Khan's boots. See, Shinzon is a young clone of Picard, created in a plan to replace Picard. (This fact isn't a "Luke, I am your father" type of thing... it's revealed early on, during his first meeting with his counterpart). That plan was scrapped and Shinzon was thrown into the dilithium mines, where he became a defacto member of the hulking mutant Reman caste. He spent all those years identifying with their cause and formulating a plan to conquer the universe in their name. That's right... when it all boils down to it, Shinzon is just another megalomaniac baddie trying to take over the universe.
Shinzon will take over the universe using a superweapon that emits "biogenic" radiation. This fantasy-radiation can expand in power, washing over an entire planet and destroying all life. This is not only a misuse of the term "biogenic" (Logan probably just thought it sounded cool, forgetting that "biogenic" weapons derive their name from their SOURCE, not their EFFECT) but it's a direct rip-off of the Genesis Wave ... except without the cool Biblical overtones. To add to the Movies-Past-Syndrome, the final battle takes place in a Rift (re: Nebula) where the enemy is unseen and can fire when cloaked. We've seen this a hundred times before. A side-goal of Shinzon's is to mentally rape Deanna Troi ... something else that has been done to death. To that end, he employs his psychic Reman Viceroy ... a character who exists so that Riker has something action-packed to do during the finale ... namely, payback for the violation of his wife.
Those are Shinzon's external goals. His internal conflict is wretchedly unoriginal. Is he a mere product of his environment? Is he fated to plunge the galaxy into death and chaos? Or will his essential human Picard-ness bring him back to the Light Side of the Force? This basic Picard-ness is what Picard tries to convince his young clone of, in a series of poorly written "I feel the good within you" emoting-sessions. If you think about it, Shinzon actually has a very simple reason to hate Picard ... one which is never truly exploited. He and Picard have identical bodies, identical minds ... but Picard grew up free while Shinzon grew up a slave. These are ripe conditions for the kind of intense irrational resentment that breeds sensational megalomaniacs.
But Logan does not take this path. Instead, he plunges both Shinzon and Picard into wishy-washy, emotional ruminations about self-determination. It's a pale shadow of the Ahab-archetype, and ultimately it amounts to nothing. Dramatic tension supposedly increases when we learn - amidst a string of medically absurd explanations - that Shinzon is dying, and that the only way for him to live is to kill Picard and take all his blood. Don't ask. The logic behind this condition is absolutely stupifying. One weakness of Trek has always been a tendency to cover up vital plot-points with "take our word for it" technobabble that they hope will go unnoticed. That happens a LOT in this script.
Ultimately, Shinzon decides that the larger goal of Reman conquest is greater than his own life, and he will die destroying Picard and the Enterprise ... his last chance for survival. Shades of Picard's nobility. This is a few minutes before Picard beams over to the Reman ship and IMPALES Shinzon to death without a word. Shinzon's final words are "now our destiny is complete." Whuh?
Now let's talk about Picard. Picard is utterly wasted in this script. Logan seems to think that it's important to humanize Picard by making him flippant, fun-loving, and a little bit bad-ass ... but not to actually give him any sort of moral decision to face. Did John Logan WATCH TNG? Does he know what makes Trek great? Captain Picard was a great leader because of his level head and deep intellect. Picard was a powerful MIND and that was his strength. Logan has written a character who's emotions lead (at one point in the script, Picard's instructions regarding the enemy vessel are "Savage them!") and who - the script points out again and again - knows how to have a crackin' good time. (Such a good time that Picard leads a mission that turns into a DISASTROUS first contact ... effectively RAPING the Prime Directive ... and his only response is to make witty quips while Worf, and I quote, "blasts away with the phaser cannon - an exhilarating adventure.")
In fact, Logan spends a lot of time in general "updating" the characters' images. This script makes an almost self-conscious attempt to be "hip" and "cool" ... and in the process tosses all the elements that made Trek great Science Fiction Drama out the window. Logan is fairly capable at coming up with new and interesting gadgets, dynamic special effects sequences, and the like. But they serve a story that is uninspired, derivative and joyless.
Take Data's big death scene. When Spock died in Star Trek II, it brought tears to my eyes. It was beautifully written. Tragic. Moving. Kirk's final moments with his truest friend ... it may be the single greatest moment in all of Trek. And you know why? Because it tied in PERFECTLY with the larger themes of life and philosophy and what the film was all about ... the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few ... or the one ... Poetry. Symmetry. Greatness. "Nemesis" has none of this. Here's how it all breaks down:
As Shinzon prepares to unleash his biogenic-radiation-cascade-pulse-thingy on the Enterprise, Picard beams over - alone, since apparently the Enterprise once again has enough power to beam a single person one-way - to stop him. This entails killing Shinzon and blowing up the Reman ship. Nothing more. You'd think the most seasoned commander in the fleet would have the good sense to beam over a friggin' BOMB if that was his only goal. But no. Picard transports over - knowing full well that he won't be able to transport back. It is an act of stupidity, and without any dramatic subtext. It's a standard kill-'n'-blow-up mission. Well, Picard gets stranded just as the ship is about to explode. This does not sit well with Data, who suddenly remembers that he has(these are the script's own words, mind you) "a cool new piece of Federation technology called an ETU. (Emergency Transport Unit.)" It would have been nice if Picard or Data - with his trillions of mental processes per second - could have remembered to send this little beauty with Picard BEFORE HE LEFT ... the script establishes earlier that they both knew about it. But alas, Data's only option is to literally JUMP SHIP, run to the Reman command center, slap the transporter on Picard and beam him away just before the ship explodes. I cannot begin to describe how profoundly disappointed this left me. Data, beloved Data, is killed by an awkwardly delivered plot-device, with no overtones, undertones, or thematic resonance. It is hollow, empty and meaningless. It left me angry at the script, and not the events the script was attempting to bring to life ... a fatal flaw. Adding insult to injury, Data "lives on" because he transferred his "memory engrams" into B-9 before sacrificing himself. Up next: "Star Trek XI: The Search For Data?"
And all of this is to say NOTHING of the dozens of gaping plot holes. Why is the Enterprise, on its way to a wedding on Betazed, once again the ONLY SHIP in the area? You'd think the Federation would have a fleet of highly trained military/diplomatic vessels watching the border of their most treacherous foe! And why, upon arriving at Romulus, and receiving NO assurances, facing a new and probably hostile government, does the central command crew of the Enterprise quickly beam over to the alien vessel - happily and without question, "energized now that the endless waiting is over." Why are the Enterprise's shields down over a hostile world, surrounded by people whom Picard believes are about to betray them, thus allowing Picard to be kidnapped? And why, when Shinzon kidnaps Picard, does he not also disable the Enterprise, instead of leaving them free to plan a counteroffensive? And why, when Shinzon finally DOES invade the Enterprise, does he only use twelve soldiers? Why not just beam out the warp core? Why doesn't Troi, a trained counselor with plenty of experience in telepathic violations, not go to Picard the FIRST time she is mentally raped? And worst of all ... this new terror-weapon is discovered by Picard and Data during their secret escape from the Reman ship. Why do they not destroy or disable it THEN, when they are ALONE, UNDETECTED, and STARING RIGHT AT IT? Pages of script later, the destruction of this weapon is the primary objective ... one which Picard is willing to throw reason to the wind and go on a pointless suicide mission for. These are nit-picks, yes ... but they add up to horrible effect, crippling the plot at every turn. Ultimately, the story can only justify itself with the excuse "that's the way the writer wrote it." I don't need to tell you how pathetic that is.
There's no mistaking it ... the signs are all here ... from an artistic and creative standpoint, "Star Trek: Nemesis" is promising to be a miserable failure. I sincerely hope it tanks at the box office. Unfortunately, great special effects set pieces and overpowering macho action may be enough to convince less discriminating audiences that they've seen something great. My biggest fear is that this film will succeed, prompting Paramount to give us more of the same.
Who do I blame for this? Well, Rick Berman, to start with. "The Great Turd of the Galaxy" has been poison to Trek, as far as I'm concerned. He and his cohorts have taken one of the most inspired franchises in film/television history and bludgeoned it to death. And they keep ... making ... money! It's unthinkably evil.
I also blame John Logan. What was he thinking when he wrote this? How do writers like this make the Hollywood A-list? Logan is a self-confessed Trek fanboy. Unfortunately, it seems to be for the wrong reasons. He displays zero understanding of Trek's endearing, affecting elements. He's like a child, playing with fancy toys, making it up as he goes along and not caring if it makes sense. He misses out on storytelling basics ... telling when he ought to be showing, not giving actions real dramatic substance to make them meaningful instead of merely "exciting." His script is horrible to read ... he can't go five pages without throwing in a reference to a non-Trek series or movie. "Just like in Aliens," he'll say, or "like something out of Get Smart." And he peppers his prose with personal exclamations, as in the following painful example: "And the Enterprise jumps to high warp - disappearing in a flash of dazzling light. Yes!" Sigh.
The truly astounding thing is how he won over the cast with this garbage. You should hear them praise this script. You'd think it was the best thing to happen to Trek since Tribbles. Uh-uh. In my studied opinion, this whole affair is a catastrophe of major proportions, and we should all hope and pray that this is the LAST NextGen movie. Hell, maybe the last Trek movie period. In my opinion, the franchise died with Deep Space Nine (a flawed series, certainly, but at least it had purpose and emotion. By contrast, Voyager was awful, and Enterprise has been just relentlessly pointless and mediocre).
Anyway, if you want to check out the complete script, you've probably heard that it's appeared online, and might still be up online right here. In the meantime, perhaps we can organize some sort of mass boycott. If enough people save themselves eight bucks, perhaps Berman and his gang will finally get the message.
Signing off,
John Q
Sounds like he's moments away from snapping and taking a wing of a hospital hostage. I hope he doesn't see this article about Paramount reupping Berman's deal through 2006. If he does, then god help us all...
BTW, I don't agree with the posting of screenplays online, and we have never hosted a screenplay here at AICN. I think it's valid to comment on, though, as long as Paramount lets them leave it online, and I certainly think the reaction of their major fanbase is worth covering.
"Moriarty" out.
