Harry here. I swear to fucking christ if Fox inject inappropriate fucking humor into DAREDEVIL, I will beat the shit out of that flick. What the hell are they doing? And this CONSTANTINE sounds totally crap too. ACK!!!!
Harry,
Howdy. Eel O'Brian here for the second time. I weighed in with a (fairly) positive review of Daredevil a few months ago and now I got my malleable hands on 'Constantine'.
(Quick note on DD...the script's still being screwed with as we speak, with stand-up comics being asked to come in for a pass or two for humor.)
For the non comic geeks amongst us, John Constatine is the lead character in a Vertigo title called "Hellblazer." He's a right bastard, a drunk, a chain-smoker, and one of the greatest magicians in all of London.
So, Constantine...what can I say, what word would properly describe what they've done to one of the cooler characters in the comics? How about abortion? Fecal matter? Utter and complete cookie cutter action movie nonsense?
First of all, Constantine is now American, and played by Nic Cage. (I have a personal vendetta against the Wigged One, but let's leave that out.) It also takes place in LA--big surprise--and has something to do with the devil coming back and trying to get the Spear of Destiny.
Not ten pages into this pile of Taliban pus, Constantine coughs, so, according to the rules of the movies, he's got cancer. Now, I'm thinking this could be the cool storyline where Connie gets sick and barters his soul to a bunch of demons and, through trickery and subterfuge, makes himself immortal to stave off a war between heaven and hell. Nope. Instead, we get car chases, c-level Ghostbuster shtick, and absolutely, positively nothing we haven't seen in forty-five other shitty movies.
They're already casting the rest of the parts, so there's not much chance anyone with half-a-brain will be rewriting the thing. If you're a Hellblazer fan, go out and get the collections and stay the hell away from this thing.
Love and Wooziness,
Eel O'Brian
