Hey folks, Harry here... DELIGHTED with this review from the guy many of us know as TheManWhoAteEbert... but likes to go by The Foywonder! Before the world begin resembling this movie, I was very charged up to see this GODSPLOITATION flick. To me, the trailer was cheesy and had the right cast and a hilariously screwed up GODSPLOITATION feel to it, so much so that I had to invent that word to describe it. Right now, I curse being stuck healing up, as I would give just about anything to go see this thing. BEWARE of tons of spoilers, but this sounds FANTASTICLY CHEESY.... read on!
Greetings! You can call me The Foywonder! This is my first time submitting a review to AICN even though I've been writing for the New Orleans Worst Film Festival website, NOWFF (I know, cheap plug, sorry), which a few of you may be familiar with & some of you have probably come across me in the chatroom under the name TheManWhoAteEbert. Now that I've dispensed with the formal introductions, allow me to tell you about the movie I saw the other night that I am firmly convinced is destined to become a cult classic. Don't believe me? Let me describe for you a scene from the movie and I assure you that I'm not making this up. The Antichrist and his right hand man are on the balcony of his Roman palace celebrating their world domination as a meteor show is going on in the night sky above them. The Antichrist looks up at the sky and begins mocking God and challenges God to try and stop him. Right then, one of the meteors falls from the sky and blows up the Roman Colosseum. The Antichrist, grinning like he's just inhaled The Joker's Smile-X gas, looks up to the heavens, raises his fists above his head, and yells, "BRING IT ON!" Again, this is an actual scene from the movie! I damn near fell out of my seat laughing!
The movie I speak of is MEGIDDO and it is the sequel to THE OMEGA CODE. Now if you, like me, saw the original, then you have to be wondering how do you make a sequel to a movie that ended with the death of the Antichrist and the second coming of Christ? The answer: you ignore about 85% of the original and start fresh. This is actually a good thing because THE OMEGA CODE, despite being a shocking box office success thanks to a grassroots campaign amongst Christian churches, was absolutely awful. The production values were mediocre. If you didn't know it was made in 1999, you would have sworn it was made in the 70s. The acting, except for one person, was Cinemax After Dark bad. The script was so terrible you kept looking for Dean Devlin's name somewhere in the credits. This time, the budget is bigger. $22 million, I believe. The cast of the original is nowhere to be found. No Casper Van Dien. No Catherine Oxenberg. No Michael Ironside. Even all the bible code nonesense that OMEGA CODE was based around is nowhere to be found. The only holdover is Michael York as Stone Alexander, the man who would be the Antichrist. York was the best thing about the first film because it was fun watching him chew the scenery. More on York in a moment.
Before I begin, let me state a few things. I am not a Christian. I was, in fact, brought up Catholic and would fall into the category of non-practicing. I am inclined to believe in God, but am highly skeptical towards particular doctrines. I am a very open minded person. Unlike some people, some who even frequent this site, I don't resent those of Christian faith. Personally, I think most Christians in this country get a bad rap because of the likes of Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and others of their ilk who tend to preach a very narrow minded, exclusionary form of Christianity. As I've said, THE OMEGA CODE was awful and LEFT BEHIND was simply dull, boring, and surprisingly souless. So why did I opt to go see MEGIDDO? I probably wouldn't have if not for the blurb Harry posted on the site not too long ago. Despite knowing how terrible the original was, the trailer looked like the potential was there for it to be an entertaining movie. And after this summer, could MEGIDDO possibly be worse than TOMB RAIDER, PLANET OF THE APES, or SWORDFISH? One more thing, let me post the SPOILER ALERT warning for those of you reading. I'm going to get into some heavyily detailed spoilers. Although, I'm not sure you can spoil a movie like MEGIDDO. Think about it. Its a movie that was written and produced by fundamentalist Christians about the Book of Revelations. Do you expect some surprise twist ending where Satan wins or that the Second Coming won't occur?
Down to business. MEGIDDO isn't so much of a sequel to THE OMEGA CODE as much as its a "reimagining" (Thanks, Tim Burton) of the original. The movie opens with a passage of the Bible and a scene of Stone Alexander, played by Michael York, on a hill in Israel where its revealed that MEGIDDO is, according to Hebrew text, the name of the hill where the final battle of Armageddon will take place and he who controls Jerusalem in the final days will rule the world. Cue title scene. From then on, we're treated to a series of flashbacks of Stone's childhood. Nothing like a Christian movie that opens with a scene of a child trying to set his infant brother on fire! Stone's father is a Rupert Murdock type who controls a vast media empire and constantly talks about how the media will influence world opinion in the future. His dad decides to send him to a European military academy because "he needs to learn discipline." Huh? He didn't vandalize something! He tried to burn a baby to death in his crib because he hates his baby brother because mom died during childbirth! I think teaching him to use firearms would be a good thing! Anyway, the kids tease him and so he wanders into this old abandoned church when out of thin air, Udo Kier appears dressed in a black cloak much like the Emperor from STAR WARS and is accompanied by two CGI dustballs with skeleton demon dog faces. Kier's character is never given a name in the movie and is simply credited as The Guardian in the closing credits. Anyway, he explains to Stone who and what he is which the youngster happily accepts. The movie continues to chronicle his life, and use of his demonic powers, as a young man intercut with scenes of his rise to power today. The movie tends to be a bit all over the place at this point, but still manages to be pretty straight forward. At his graduation from the military academy, his father and younger brother attend. This leads to an encounter between Stone's younger brother David, now a young man himself, and Stone's girlfriend, Gabriella. Why Stone, an American, who has spent most of his life growing up in Italy has an English accent is one of life's great mysteries. It becomes clear that David and Gabriella are instantly attracted to one another and that she's not completely comfortable with Stone. Stone realizes this and isn't thrilled. Stone's dad also has reservations about his firstborn sensing that something just isn't right with him.
Finally, the flashbacks end, and we're seemingly back in present times at a party celebrating Stone Alexander's appointment to the head of the European Union. He and Gabriella are married and together they have managed to help eradicate world hunger thanks to some super grain that can grow anywhere. Dad and David, who is now a U.S. Senator and played by a rather worldweary looking Michael Biehn, are in attendance. While Stone and dear old dad meet in private, David and Gabriella, now played by Diane Zenora, continue to flirt. All I could think was considering David's age now and the fact that he's a Senator, shouldn't this guy be married with kids? And at the risk of sounding vain, Miss Zenora is not a particuarly attractive woman. The stuff between the two them is the worst aspect of the film. Meanwhile, Stone's dad tells him that he's going to amend his will so that his vast media empire is given away to "the people." Stone isn't pleased because he needs the power of the media to continue his rise to power. Now this is the one aspect of the movie that I found offensive. There's alot of preaching in the early parts of this movie about the power of the media and most of its negative. Knowing this movie was produced by Trinity Broadcasting and knowing how they feel about the secular, liberal media or whatever derogatory term they're using to describe it at this moment it becomes obivious what the subtext is. Mainstream media is wicked, but TBN is home to the undistorted truth. This was the only aspect of the film that came across to me as flagrant propaganda and it was utterly gratuitous. Anyway, Stone tells his dad how much he's always hated him and hurls him off the balcony. Apparently, Stone gains control of the media empire while David is suspicious that daddy's death plunge wasn't an accident.
We then jump ahead a few more years because you just can't get enough flashbacks crammed into the first half hour of a movie. Geez! Do you realize how many times the phrase 10 YEARS LATER appears at the bottom of the screen during the first 30 minutes of the film? Now we are finally in the present which for those of us in the real world would be the future although an exact date is never actually given. Up until this point, the movie has kept a straight face. Its been standard stuff except for the appearence of Emperor Palpatine and the demonic dust balls. Its at this point that two things happen. Any pretenses of being a serious Apocalyptic thriller are thrown out the window because the plot starts taking a turn for the ludicrous. More importantly, the shackles of restraint are removed from Michael York. In the first film, York merely hammed it up. He chewed the scenery every chance he got. This time, York not only chews the scenery, he spits it out and takes another bite.
This is one of the greatest pieces of over-acting ever to grace a movie screen! If you think Jeremy Irons was over the top in DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, you ain't seen nuthin' yet! This is like Jeremy Irons D&D overacting on speed! He's like Vincent Price doing WWF promos! This movie is Tokyo and Michael York is Godzilla! If York had a mustache, he'd twirl it! MICHAEL YORK GIVES A PERFORMANCE SO HAMMY THAT JEWS WILL BE FORBIDDEN TO VIEW THIS MOVIE! On top of that, he's contantly flanked by Udo Kier, who's sole job in this movie is to dress like Roy Orbison and look sinister.
Stone Alexander has become so powerful and revered that he's single handidly managed to create a one world government. National border have been erased and the world has been divided into a handful of zones. The only holdouts are China, the Latin territories which consist of Mexico and Central & South America, and North America which consists of the U.S. and Canada, although Canada is never actually mentioned and seemingly get no say in North American affairs. Numerous scenes ensue of Stone Alexander addressing the masses and each time he speaks like a raving megalomaniac, yet nobody seems to notice, except for the President of the United States, the Premier of China, and David Alexander. There's alot of imagery that's designed to make you think of Nazi Germany as the movie progresses. In one of the greatest casting choices ever, the President of the United States is played by R. Lee Ermey! Hot damn! The drill sgt. from FULL METAL JACKET is the Commander In Chief! I'd vote for him! Oh, and David Alexander is now the Vice-President. Again, I ask how a man of his age in these times could get elected to the second highest office in the land without being married? Especially considering that he'd have to be a Republican because I'll be damned if I'm ever going to believe that R. Lee Ermey would play a Democratic President! So anyway, after asking David if he believes in the Virgin Mary and slapping shit out of him a few times, they jet off to Europe to meet with Stone who is threatening an embargo against the U.S. if they don't agree to join. One of the funniest things about the screenplay is how they go out of their way not to use any profanity except for some references to Hell. Thinking back to Ermey's dialogue in FULL METAL JACKET then listening to him in this movie talking about "blowing smoke up you hind quarters" and referring to the U.S. as the "United BLESSED States" can't help to cause giggles. The Prez turns down Stone & they shake hands. Moments later, Ermey drops dead from a heart attack thanks to some evil mojo. That's it?!?! You got R. Lee Ermey as the President and you kill him off in five BLESSED minutes??? That's just not right! Oh, now that David has become President, he and Stone engage in the first of what will be several Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker "come to the darkside" exchanges. Much like young Skywalker, David refuses. Udo Kier then utters one of his only lines when he advices Stone to kill David, but Stone refuses because David will come around when its time. Oh, did I forget to mention that he tries to blackmail David using the surveillance video from the night that their father died which has been doctored to show David tossing dad off the balcony instead of Stone?
Back in the U.S., President Alexander is informed by the Secretary of State that the World Union has begun the embargo. Gabriella, who has basically led the charge to eradicate world hunger, continues to become suspicious that something isn't right with Stone. Considering the way he rants and raves and the way he treats her, she clearly is not very bright. Its around this time that the "BRING IT ON!" scene takes place. After which, all hell breaks loose as natural disasters of every kind begin happening in mass. Even plagues begin to break out. The whole world looks to Stone to save them. He offers disaster relief aid to China, North America, and the Latin territories if they join. Of course, they refuse. In a scene that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, Stone, dressed like Kolchak The Night Stalker, speaks to a mass of impoverished Africaners. I'm amazed York didn't experience a stroke as he goes so far off the deep end screaming at the top of his lungs about how he is their new God. Why is he pissed off at these people? I must have missed something somewhere. The scene ends with him going apeshit and shooting a beam of light out of his finger into the clouds causing bolts of lightening to start zapping people at random. First of all, this scene makes zero sense. Secondly, the world doesn't know York's true nature, but you'd think everyone would be a bit curious as to how and why the most powerful man on Planet Earth fired a laserblast from his fingertips. Its virtually ignored afterwords.
The next two sequences are what elevate this movie to the heights of absurdity! These two segments of the movie rank it, in my humble opinion, on par with such inspired loonacy like INFRAMAN! Here goes. The Secretary of State appears on the major TV networks broadcasting the phony footage of David Alexander murdering his father. David, acts shocked by what he's seeing. Why is he surprised? He did threaten to use this footage against you, dumbass! We're never privy to any scenes where David tells anyone about Stone's blackmail scheme, yet none of the Secret Service agents or administrators with him bat an eye when they see the footage on TV. He never even expressly denies to them that its phony and that Stone threatened him yet everyone around him at that moment immediately rallies behind him without being given any explanation! Even more unbelievable, the Secretary of State announces that the Justice Department has issued a warrant for his arrest to which the film immediately cuts to the gates of the mansion (Camp David perhaps?) that the President is staying at as FBI agents show up to arrest him. WTF?! Funny, I remember back in civics class learning how a sitting President could not be charged with a crime and that it would take an act of Congress to remove him from office. In one of the most gloriously ludicrous moments ever put to film, the FBI agents get into a gun battle with the Secret Service while the President and his trusted assistant escape by chopper. Where are they headed? To a U.S. aircraft carrier off the coast of Italy to plan an assault on the World Union. There we find out that the Secretary of State has assumed the Presidency. What's absolutely terrifying about this movie is knowing that the people involved in the writing and producing department are evangelical Christians who are actively involved in and highly influential in the American politcal scene yet none of them seem to know a damned thing about the U.S. Constitution or the line of succession! Jesus H. Christ, this un-BLESSED-believable! By the way, the military types on the aircraft carrier fully support David and are ready for him to lead the attack against Stone. They don't care that he's no longer the President! They don't care that he hasn't given them any explanation as to what the hell is going on! They don't care that they don't have authorization from the U.S. gov't, they just want to blow some shit up dammit! Meanwhile, speaking with the Chinese premier via videophone, Stone is angered to hear that even with the all the disasters begetting the Chinese people, they still refuse to join in exchange for aid. In this movie, China is presented as one of the good guys. The Chinese premier seems like a nice compassionate guy who's concerned with his nation's personal freedom and not as a hardline Communist which is what he would be. Now this is science fiction! As soon as he ends the call, he decides they need a little more suffering. So, he opens his mouth and begins to spit out a swarm of flying insects (sounded like bees to me) that immediately fly out his palace window and arrive in China to wreak havoc. The only thing missing was Stone Alexander screaming "fly my pretties" as the swarm took off. Almost as laughable is the Chinese Premier staring out the window at the attacking swarm. He's so mellow in his reaction. None of this strikes him as unusual? Everyone needs to see this movie just to experience these few minutes of film for themselves. This alone is worth the price of admission.
Yes, I know I've dragged this review out far longer than any review for this movie should be so I'm going to put it in fast forward. Brace yourself. Several CGI gunships attack the palace while David leads a platoon inside. Stone isn't home, but leaves a message telling him he's at Megiddo. They find Gabriella locked in a dungeon. She witnessed Stone's Candyman impression and so Udo Kier did something to her. We don't know what it was, but having realized who and what Stone really is and after reciting some biblical prophecy to David, she dies. David ends up in a church in Rome where he's recognized by the priest played by F. Murray Abraham who, judging by his maniacal bug-eyes, must have a thyroid problem. He begins reciting biblical prophecy about Armageddon and really freaks David out. Later, David is in Israel awaiting Chinese and Latin armies to join his rogue U.S. troops to finally defeat the New World Order. 'bout damn time somebody stopped Hollywood Hogan and Scott Steiner! In a scene so clumsily executed they might as well have had the words RELIGIOUS MESSAGE appear at the bottom of the screen, David asks God for help. Apparently God told David to go akillin' because he takes a pistol, sneaks into Stone's camp, and attempts to assasinate him. Well, he flubs that big time and gets captured. Stone Alexander has now gone full-on Hitler and his addressing the troops is very reminicent of the Third Reich. War ensues. Correction. Very boring battle scenes take place. With the exception of one nice P.O.V. shot of an attacking jet, the final battle of Armageddon is about as thrilling as the finale of Megaforce. Sadly, there are no motorcycles shooting colored smoke. A tank mortar nails the bunker that Stone is in. David approaches thinking Stone has finally been killed, but guess who walks out unscathed?
Stone finally unveils his true self. In the first movie, Stone Alexander was the Antichrist, but this is a sequel so you have to go one better. This time, Stone Alexander is Satan himself! Right then, he transforms into The Beast. The CGI of his gargoyle form are actually not that bad even though the animation is obvious. Its really no worse than much of what appeared in THE MUMMY RETURNS. More importantly, The Beast still posseses the voice of Michael York so even the CGI is given the opportunity to overact! Its Lucifer gone Tex Avery! The tide begins to turn towards the forces of darkness. The sun has been blocked out by darkness. The Beast delivers a potentially fatal wound to David. The Beast declares victory. Just then, God decapitates the Kurgan and experiences the Quickening! Well, that's what it looks like! The sky explodes with light. Some very RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK-esque rays of light begin striking the bad guys dead including Udo Kier. The Beast is paralyzed by ! the light, drops to his knees, and declares that "the Nazarene" is the true lord. Then he's struck by another massive blast of light that creates what looks like a gigantic hole that oil drilling would create. As The Beast falls into it, you can't help but have flashbacks to the end of GODZILLA 1985. To top it off, it seems that Hell really is in the center of the Earth because we see The Beast climb out of lava flow only do discover that he's chained down there for eternity. I then had another childhood flashback, this time to INHUMANOIDS! If you remember INHUMANOIDS, then you probably understand what I'm comparing this too. Michael Biehn lives. Evil is vanquished. The Lord has returned. The movie is over!
Okay, let me say this first. I've seen several reviews online from evangelical types talking about how great this movie is. To them I say, you really need to get out more often. With all due respect, if you think this movie is a serious piece of cinema then I can only imagine how much you'd love a really good movie dealing with the same subject matter. With that said, I have to admit that I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. Almost all the credit goes to Michael York. His overacting is priceless and its obvious that he's having the time of his life playing this character. No matter how lame the dialogue is, no matter how far over the top he goes, every second that Michael York is on screen in this film you will be entertained! Everyone else, save for R. Lee Ermey, is actually pretty flat, but none of that matters. For all the good intentions of making a serious Apocalyptic Christian thriller, this movie is the kind of fun, overtly campy, old fashioned b-movie that rarely gets
made anymore. MEGIDDO is NIGHT OF THE LEPUS! MEGIDDO is MEGIDDO is Q - THE WINGED SERPENT! MEGIDDO is THEATER OF BLOOD! MEGIDDO is GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER! The director of MEGIDDO previously made LEPRECHAUN 4: FROM SPACE and let me say, the Leprechaun movies only wish they were as much fun as this movie. After the terrible events of the past two weeks, this movie was exactly what I needed. I didn't walk out feeling spiritually fulfilled as I'm sure the makers of MEGIDDO intended, but my spirits were definately lifted! This is the kind of pure camp movie that I've been waiting for! God Bless You, Michael York!
